I had a very difficult time at Mass today. As we prayed for the dead, my Mother (still living) came to mind, and I know that all too soon, it will be her name read out of that book.
I couldn't shake the feeling that we won't have her around for very long, and it was all I could do to keep from crying. Even though we should rejoice when a soul goes Home, we here on earth who are left behind sometimes find the agony of loss hard to bear. And for some reason, I am in complete dread of losing my mother, even though I know it must happen.
Some of that dread comes from also knowing that I will have to stand up to my large extended family in order that Mom will be honored properly, and that funeral is within the norms (ie that Lutheran family members won't be receiving Holy Communion, that there won't be an extended Litany of Canonization, poetry, etc....) that typically takes place at our family's funerals. Mom lives a quiet life of everyday holiness, and although she's no apologist, she knows what's proper and what honors Our Lord; and I can't bear the thought of liturgical abuse and sacrilege at her funeral.
There was so much more than this going through my mind, and it makes me realize that now is the time to steel myself against what we will need to do when that time comes. I can't at this time go into depth on the things I've alluded to here, and I am praying hard that the hour comes later rather than sooner.
Today as you pray for those who have died, please also remember those who are destined to go soon....they need prayers, too.
