"Do You Know Me?"

When I was in college, it was a tumultuous time, as I sought to both learn practical knowledge and, as the cliche says, who I was.

Well, one out of two ain't bad: I gained a great deal of knowledge designed to further a career, but it didn't teach me squat about what I was (or am) as a human being.

That is not to say I was abandoned, however, although it seemed that way at times especially the Christmas I spent alone after my Dad's death.

In fact, I had a friend who faced down death in the form of cancer. For a time he'd been in the seminary, and that time had bolstered his own faith. I remember one evening at a party, quite a secular one, where among a few of us, spirituality had become a topic and in particular, the call to Holiness and the reality of Death.

I can still remember my friend looking me in the eye, speaking of Particular Judgment and in his gentle voice, hand against his own chest, looking me straight in the eye and asking in the words of Jesus: "Do you know me?"

Jesus will ask us all, in that moment, "Do you KNOW Me?"

I'll never forget the agony in his eyes, unspoken, hopeful, even as he repeated the words.

"Do you know me?"

I resolved on the spot that if I didn't know Him...I wanted to.

And it took several years and I admit, quite shamefully now, that I wanted to know Him then because of what  He could "get" me, for you see, it took a long time to experience the true beginning of conversion.

Now I hear those words differently and reach out for Him in a different kind of agony. for as I see His pain, I can only offer my own, recognizing in that eternal question all of my years of rejection, of "doing it my way", and a deeply hidden fear that perhaps, maybe...by my choice...maybe I still don't really know Him.

Not for lack of His effort.

In His question I see the Cross as the Tree of Life and I kneel, weeping at the stone at its base, remembering the fruit of my downfall even as I reach for the fruit of salvation.

The other day while working on my Icon I was listening to Miriam Marston's song, "The Gardener", and as the song continued to penetrate my soul, I couldn't help but recall the words of my friend, those ancient words, the ancient question Our Lord asks of each of us, individually: "Do You Know Me?"

In Marston's song, she juxtaposes the theological reality of the Creator; the Gardener as St. Mary Magdalene meets Our Lord on the day of His Resurrection.

As she weeps in her grief he confronts her and she queries, "What do you care?  You're just the Gardener's Son". 

I can imagine His loving gaze as He replies so patiently to Mary Magdalene and to all of us, waiting for us to make the connection, and when He knows that we do or only wants to prompt that leap, He queries,  "Do you recognize me now?"

We are taken back to the Garden of Eden, the parable of the Master of the vineyard and his son murdered by the workers,  the Garden of Gethsemane, and ultimately the Garden where Jesus is laid to rest...and Rise.

We cannot help but recognize Jesus as the beloved Son, our eyes opened in wonder, in love, as we really see  the One sent by The Gardener to open the gates and restore us to original Beatitude..and beyond.

"Do you recognize me now?"

"The Gardener"** 

by Miriam Marston

A faint sign of gladness makes her pause in all her sadness

Fair and so faithful she throws aside careful

Hardly knowing what to expect

She makes her way over

Maybe it’s safe now it’s been a few days now

CHORUS:

And she started weeping as though she’d never cried before

She thought she’d lost the only one she’d loved

And three of the longest days of her life had come to this

Waiting by a stone

And then she saw the Gardener

He asked her how she’d been

“I’m sad and I’m scared but why do you care? You’re just a gardener’s son”

“Do you recognize me now?” (x3)

“Go tell all the others that you’ve met me

They might think that you’ve been drinking through the night

But don’t let all their doubts keep you away from me

The world will likely tell you it’s all in your mind

She comes to the home she’d left

Anxious and alone

But it’s more like a mansion now

Though she can’t yet mention how

Everything around her

seems infused with glory

Her hope expands as the world just stands still

CHORUS

And she started weeping as though she’d never cried before

She thought she’d lost the only one she’d loved

And three of the longest days of her life had come to this

Waiting by a stone

And then she saw the Gardener

He asked her how she’d been

“I’m sad and I’m scared but why do you care? You’re just a gardener’s son”

“Do you recognize me now?” (x 3)

“I’m here…I’m here...I’m here….”

None of us ever needs to ask Our Lord "Why do you care?"

Still, deep in our souls, we DO ask, and we NEED that answer, individually, and we need to eventually lift our eyes and hearts and souls to Jesus, who stands before us, simply waiting for us to recognize Him.

Wherever we are...He is HERE.

But....we still have to respond to that question, "Do you know Me?  DO YOU RECOGNIZE ME?"

** Go to the link, scroll down and find the song title to listen

O Felix Culpa! He is Risen!

Rejoice heavenly powers! Sing choirs of angels!

Exult, all creation around God's throne!

Jesus Christ, our King is risen!

Sound the trumpet of salvation!

Rejoice, O earth, in shining splendor,

radiant in the brightness of your King!

Christ has conquered! Glory fills you!

Darkness vanishes forever!

Rejoice, O Mother Church! Exult in glory!

The risen Savior shines upon you!

Let this place resound with joy,

echoing the mighty song of all God's people!

It is truly right

that with full hearts and minds and voices

we should praise the unseen God,

the all powerful Father,

and his only Son, our Lord Jesus Christ.

For Christ has ransomed us with his blood,

and paid for us the price of Adam's sin

to our eternal Father!

This is our Passover feast,

when Christ, the true Lamb, is slain,

whose blood consecrates the homes of all believers.

This is the night

when first you saved our fathers:

you freed the people of Israel from their slavery

and led them dry-shod through the sea.

This is the night

when the pillar of fire

destroyed the darkness of sin!

This is the night

when Christians everywhere,

washed clean of sin

and freed from all defilement,

are restored to grace

and grow together in holiness.

This is the night

when Jesus Christ broke the chains of death

and rose triumphant from the grave.

What good would life have been to us,

had Christ not come as our Redeemer?

Father, how wonderful your care for us!

How boundless your merciful love!

To ransom a slave you gave away your Son.

O happy fault, O necessary sin of Adam,

which gained for us so great a Redeemer!

Most blessed of all nights,

chosen by God to see Christ rising from the dead!

Of this night scripture says:

"The night will be clear as day:

it will become my light, my joy."

The power of this holy night

dispels all evil, washes guilt away,

restores lost innocence, brings mourners joy;

it casts out hatred, brings us peace,

and humbles earthly pride.

Night truly blessed

when heaven is wedded to earth

and man is reconciled with God!

Therefore, heavenly Father,

in the joy of this night

receive our evening sacrifice of praise,

your Church's solemn offering.

Accept this Easter candle,

a flame divided but undimmed,

a pillar of fire that glows to the honor of God.

Let it mingle with the lights of heaven

and continue bravely burning

to dispel the darkness of this night!

May the Morning Star which never sets

find this flame still burning:

Christ, that Morning Star,

who came back from the dead,

and shed his peaceful light on all mankind,

your Son who lives and reigns for ever and ever. Amen.

Come, Lord, Do Not Delay

One of the things someone pointed out to me a few years ago, found prominently in both iconography and the writings of the Church Fathers, is the link between the Birth of Christ and His Resurrection.  This is a critical link that many don't understand, for much sacred art showing the Nativity is very misleading:  our Christmas cards show pristine views either in the desert with pretty palm trees on a clear night, or a snowy night much like those we might experience here in Minnesota, surrounding a cute little clean-looking cozy warm stable with angels singing overhead and animals cuddling around on the hay. Or perhaps some other warm-and-cozy scene eliciting feelings of vague pleasure that our secular culture has deemed to be "the Christmas spirit".  

This kind of art, while to the degree that Truth is allowed, can be beautiful and certainly may portray PART of the birth of Christ, unfortunately causes us to miss out on the fact that Our Lord Jesus Christ was born into the shadow of the Cross and in a place proleptic of His Resurrection.  If we are missing this part of the story, it means that our preparation for Christmas during the season of Advent is lacking some focus, which follows, therefore, that we can't fully enter into the joy and celebration of the Christmas season!

The fact is that Jesus was not born in a nice cozy modern stable in a cow's stall (as the popular song proclaims), but rather, in one of the caves the surround Bethlehem, where the shepherds corralled their flocks at night to protect them from predators and the elements.  Just imagine, then, what the FLOOR of that cave must have been like!  Imagine, if you will, what covered the ground, and how deep it must have been!  It's not as if the shepherds had time to design a manure shovel and clean it out and lay down some nice hay for the "guests"!

Jesus was, indeed, born in a cave. One of the nastiest caves on earth.  And where was our Most Precious Infant Savior, our King, laid to rest?  He was laid in a manger, something used to feed animals, which was never cleaned. It in fact, would have been the cleanest place in the entire network of caves, yet there, "clean" would be a relative term, wouldn't it?  That nasty manger would have been lined with the spit of a thousand camels, and never mind the fleas! He was thus born into the very same relativism that personifies even our own culture today, the actual filth of his own age, and this is fitting, isn't it, for He is relevant to all ages, revealing Truth of eternity in a world in which very few awaited or wanted to receive Him.

Jesus was BORN into extreme suffering, and so we see the connection to the Cross, for as the Church Fathers remind us, the wood of the manger is the very same as the wood of the Cross. In the town with a name that meant "House of Bread", the Bread of Life Himself was placed in an animal's feeding trough, and yet, He came not to feed animals, but to feed US with His own Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity...only to die upon the gibbit as a reminder of His own humble beginnings....and our own great Fall into sin.

This is why, in iconography, one can observe the cave through which Christ was born and entered the earth at his Nativity, and the same type of cave through which He left when He rose from the dead in order to overcome the grave for us, restoring our dignity by opening Heaven to so that we could reach our final end:  eternal union with the Holy Trinity.  Just as He arrived, so He left...in every way.

We must remember, in this season of Advent, and as we celebrate Christmas with great joy at the Incarnation, our God become man who came to save us from our sins calls us to follow in ALL His footsteps...all of them.

"Come, Lord, do not delay.
-Free your people from their sinfulness."
~ Liturgy of the Hours, Midafternoon, Third Sunday of Advent

Advent is a time of Preparation, so that we can prepare our hearts to receive the gift of Christ Himself, and in turn, make OURSELVES a gift to Him!

There is no greater gift we can give to Jesus but ourselves.  We must take time in silence, maybe solitude, slow down even as the world speeds up, and realize what is truly important. The readings for most of Advent call us to consider final Judgement, reminding us of our final ends, giving us hope in our eternal beatitude with God, but only if we respond to His grace and work to eliminate sin from our lives. It is a time of darkness and purification, it is a time of confronting temptations and actual sins and vices that keep us from God.  Especially when we consider the filth into which Christ was born, don't we want to be MORE certain of our own purity so that we can receive Him, offering Him the same mercy He provides to us?

If we saw a child lying in filth, wouldn't our first response be to pick him up, cuddle him and hold him close and warm, wrapping Him in pure, clean clothes? Yet, if we were filthy ourselves, wouldn't we hold back so that we would not contaminate Him further?  Would we not first change our OWN clothing so as to ensure that our efforts would not make this child's condition even WORSE?  If we had just come from a sewage pit, covered in the "fruits" of our labors, would we even CONSIDER picking up a child lying in a manger, knowing that the sewage dripping from us would make his own condition filth even WORSE?

I shudder when I recall that I was once one of those who lived in habitual and terrible mortal sin, did not go to Confession, and yet, at Christmas, for many years, I went forward to receive Him, this dear Holy Infant, into the profanity of my body and soul. I took the Christ Child into my own sewage, that of my own sinful soul, far worse than the filth into which He had been born!

Oh, how I shudder now to consider it!  And how I shudder to realize that this happens EVERY DAY, it happens in HUGE numbers every Christmas and Easter when such large numbers of people return to the Church....but go forward to receive Our Lord in such a filthy state!

We should ALL ensure, then, that we are not in denial of our own sin. We should be using Advent as a true time of preparation, and maybe this is difficult. Maybe it's hard to face ourselves and the reality of our own immorality. Maybe we are in darkness because we have a war within us, an interior battle within which we realize we are in bondage to sin...and are unwilling to let go of the chains that bind us.  Maybe we are afraid that if we go to the Sacrament of Confession, especially if it's been a long time, that we can't be forgiven. Do we inflict a "statute of limitations" on ourselves and condemn ourselves even though Jesus calls us to Him through the Sacrament of Penance in order to reconcile us to Him...so that we can receive Him in purity? Do we deny that we NEED the Sacrament of Confession in order to be ABLE to receive Him and be strengthened on this long pilgrimage to Heaven?

Or do we err on the side of sacrilege, approaching the Holy Altar of Sacrifice, having sacrificed nothing of  ourselves, but presuming a place upon our own authority, demanding to be fed at the Table but refusing to partake in the Sacrifice to which we are truly called?

During this time of Advent, maybe in our introspection we are crushed, and finally realize how we have been defeated over and over again, how we have chosen love of some worldly, fleshly pleasure over love of God, preferring what is temporary to what is eternal.  This is not cause for despair! It is a reason to rejoice, for this gift of self-knowledge, while difficult, is the very cave through which we are born again!  It is the very tomb through which we must pass in order to live again!

We MUST see the parallel between the Nativity and the Resurrection, between the Manger and the Cross. We MUST see how, if we are to be conformed to Christ and live out our Baptismal call to Holiness, we have to live out, over and over again in our spiritual lives the cycle of crushing defeat and the darkness in which we are rebuilt, if only we are willing to cooperate with God's grace. We must be crushed, we must die to ourselves in order to learn to turn our wills more perfectly to God.

Christmas isn't just a random celebration, a day off from work, a day to open gifts. It is a day that requires great preparation, for when we celebrate it, we should be offering the gift of ourselves, in purity, in joy, knowing that God has brought us through darkness and into redemption!  Today, on Guaudete Sunday, in the Liturgy of the Hours we pray in recognition of the Redemption! Now, during Advent, we are directed not towards the Nativity, but towards our eternal Salvation!

Rejoice! Persevere through the remainder of this "mini-Lent" and know that your redemption is at hand!

"Let us cleanse our hearts for the coming of our great King, that we may be ready to welcome him; he is coming and will not delay."

The Lord is Risen, Alleluia!

Ant. 1 The splendor of Christ risen from the dead has shone on the people redeemed by his blood, alleluia.




Last night I attended the Easter Vigil with friends, and while waiting for them to pick me up, I stood outside in my driveway, enjoying the beautiful day.

I couldn't help but observe the activities of my neighbors, and those driving by with cars blaring and rattling with bass speakers probably bigger than the car itself. I couldn't help but notice all the activity going on...not ordered towards God.

I was struck by the fact so many families and individuals had entered into the Triduum, suffering liturgical death in union with the suffering and death of Christ, and were now preparing to welcome the Resurrection.

And yet, most of the world, it seems, is just going along as though nothing amazing was happening or has happened. It seems, in general, that most people never think about Jesus, or what He did. Most people, it seems, rarely utter a prayer, and if they use the most holy name of God, it is to shout it out in vain when something doesn't go their way.

So many families are quietly and simply living their faith, taking it as a matter of course that we will observe and celebrate these Holy Days with all our hearts. We may do our best to share this wondrous news with others, but it is becoming harder and harder in a world that wants to muzzle us so that we cannot share our joy in the Resurrection.

It made me think of what was happening in the world at the time of Christ. How He was arrested under cover of darkness, as though He had not taught in the Temple in broad daylight. How He was scourged like any other condemned criminal, and then paraded through the streets, carrying His cross. How He was taken outside the city walls and crucified, in the place of the skull, where criminals were decapitated.

And who, in the Roman world or beyond knew what was happening? Who knew what prophecies were being fulfilled? Who understood that the blood in their square and on their street was the blood of salvation, if they would choose to accept it?

Who saw our suffering Lord on the Cross and rushed into the shadow of His wings?

Only a few. Everyone else was either outright hostile or completely indifferent.

And yet...that reality of Christ's suffering, death, and resurrection changed everything. Everything.

It saddens me that so many will completely ignore this day, but the same hope in the Resurrection is the hope we should all grasp. Just as Mary Magdalene wanted to cling to Christ, so should we, and understand the hope He brings.

We have to remember that no matter how hard the world tries to silence the message, we cannot be silent in our love for Christ, and dedication to the Truth. He shed His blood for us...who are we to refuse to do the same?

Ant. 2 Our Redeemer has risen from the tomb; let us sing a hymn of praise to the Lord our God, alleluia.

Ant. 3 Alleluia, the Lord is risen as he promised, alleluia!

Acts 10:40-43

God raised up Jesus on the third day and granted that he be seen, not by all, but only by such witnesses as had been chosen beforehand by God - by us who ate and drank with him after he rose from the dead. He commissioned us to preach to the people and to bear witness that he is the one set apart by God as judge of the living and the dead. To him all the prophets testify, saying that everyone who believes in him has forgiveness of sins through his name.

Christ Our Light

JESUS IS RISEN!





INDEED, HE IS RISEN!

Lullaby

I attended the funeral of an infant this morning, the three-month-old daughter of friends and classmates.

This precious little baby spent months with us in the classroom as her mother carried her, and then, at three weeks after her birth, she was already sitting at the feet of great theologians as we learned about life, death, limbo, purgatory, and heaven. And she returned, making cute baby noises the following month, the last of our semester. She was so well behaved, so sweet, and we all rejoiced as she grasped and held our fingers in her strong grip, and for those who were blessed enough to have time to hold her...well, these are now just memories.

All of this passed through my mind this morning as I approached her tiny coffin, the tears in a waterfall. It occurred to me that this is one of the world's unknown Saints; for she'll likely never be canonized. Yet she is without sin in the innocence of her infancy, and she has received all the sacraments; she has gone home to the Father a perfect being. So as I said goodbye to her, I kissed the tips of my fingers and laid my hand on her for the last time, realizing that I was crying because, like everyone else there, I loved her, too.

Even during his homily, Father spoke of heaven differently than he would in a funeral for an adult; usually, he said, he encourages people to pray for the deceased, but today, he suggested it may be more proper to tell us to pray TO this little one for we know that she had lived to experience the fullness of grace available in this life.

He also spoke of the Cross, and what her life taught us all about picking up our Crosses and following Christ. He spoke of the prayers; for in the last several days people have asked him why their prayers weren't answered? They prayed, they fasted, they sacrificed, they offered Masses, they prayed novenas...and God allowed her to die. And yet, Father pointed out, those prayers were answered, although not in a way we can understand. God hears every prayer, and He responds to every one; there could be miracles yet unrecognized.

This child was, from the day of her birth, unified with Christ in a way most of us will never be; she lived, as it were, crucified, and her parents along with her. They were both crucified and kneeling at the foot of the Cross, knowing suffering, embracing suffering, always trusting in spite of the agony of their impending loss.

This is the second child they've offered back to our Heavenly Father, and yet, the parents witness even in their grief the hope that remains and the love they have for God. I spoke briefly with her mother, my friend this morning about the theology we learned in class, and we both acknowledged that although it's great to know the theology, it doesn't make the grief any easier. Grief is powerful, but as this family has taught us all, Faith, Hope, and Charity can overcome it, and those virtues were in abundance today from all sides.

The Cross may seem to be a folly to the world, but even in the greatest darkness, we can see the glory of it that draws us all to Jesus Christ. In Him we find our Hope, in Him we are granted Faith, and in Him we learn true Charity. Life and Death make no sense without the Cross.

Today as I gazed upon that tiny infant in a coffin that should have been a cradle, the brutality of death came home to me in a way that it never has before, even though I've suffered the losses of my own loved ones. Death was never intended; it is the result of the entrance of sin into the world, and eventually, we are all called to this brutal reality. But it doesn't end there; the Resurrection reveals eternity. Even as we spend our days in tears, we know we are not at the end and we know the grief will fade and become manageable.

I was grateful today to be present with this dear little child, so dear to God that He called her home to be embraced in his arms for eternity. And I was grateful to share the tears of her parents who loved her so much that they are willing to let her go, knowing that there is glory in suffering, and love is revealed profoundly in death.

Réquiem ætérnam dona eis, Dómine,
et lux perpétua lúceat eis.
Requiéscant in pace. Amen.

Ora pro nobis.

HE IS RISEN!

You wouldn't believe the joy!

Tonight, I had a front row seat for the Easter Vigil, there as both a teacher and a sponsor, and I was given a place in between the woman I sponsored, whose liflong dream it has been to be Catholic, and her adult daughter on my other side, who was also entering the Church.

We began in the back of the sanctuary, in darkness, witnesses to the lighting of the Easter Candle, and we processed in, to take our places in the front rows. The last light of the evening was still visible through the stained glass windows slowly fading to mark the end of day, even as we were only beginning. The readings were long and somehow, so much more meaningful tonight than they have ever been in my life. We were taken through Genesis, and I found myself silently mouthing the words of Creation, almost overwhelmed with a newfound understanding of God's love for man.

Each one of us there were created by God, for God; each one of us is created in the likeness and image of God; each one of us is there by virtue of God's command to Adam and Even to "go forth and multiply".

There, in the darkness, I wiped tears from my eyes, overwhelmed by gratitude.

This was my first Easter Vigil at my parish, and what a blessing to truly participate in such a degree in the liturgy. I couldn't stop smiling as I witnessed from my front-row seat, the baptism of several catechumans. The tears nearly overflowed as I observed their smiles, and Father, often very solomn, could not contain his own rejoicing.

When it was time, our row filed forward and we stood in front of the Church, candidates in front, sponsors in back, facing the people. After my candidate was Confirmed, she turned to witness her daughter right next to her - both were in tears and I stood back, blinking back my own. I'm sure we weren't the only ones.

I kept forgetting to count, but between candidates and catechumans, we had about 25; what a beautiful witness to us all.

They were so excited to receive the Body and Blood of Christ for the first time, and I had given a quick lesson to the two who had missed the rehearsal as to what to do. When the time came, they forgot, but that did not impact their joy in finally receiving the Lord.

All Heaven is rejoicing tonight, bringing the prayers of the new faithful to the altar in Heaven.

All the Earth is rejoicing tonight as we celebrate the bonds of death broken by Jesus Christ.

All of Heaven and Earth are rejoicing together in the union of Christ to His Bride, the Church.

And here, in humble Minnesota, the heart of one woman is rejoicing, in solidarity with so many others, having been witness and participant in one of the most beautiful and meaningful liturgies she has ever attended.

My prayers were answered; I asked to be crucified with Christ, I asked to die with Christ, and so he answered consistent with my state in life.

Tonight, I, and all who celebrate his Resurrection, rise again and are reborn.

In the Eastern Catholic Church, during the Easter season they greet each other with the following exchange:

HE IS RISEN!

Indeed, He is Risen!

And so I say to you all:

HE IS RISEN, INDEED, HE IS RISEN!

And I can't believe the joy.