Embrace the Passion of Christ

This Lent has been a hard one for the Church as a whole, but it has hit Europe especially. They are facing the purging now that began in America in 2002, but it seems the media and the world in general has become even more vicious and visceral in their reactions. A light is being shown on the sins of the Church, and even as we all collectively shudder, we, the disfigured Bride of Christ, must recognize that even the innocent must be scourged along with the guilty.

We live in a world today that hates us as Christians, but most especially as Catholics. It is launching a vile and backhanded assault against "the Vatican" and against our Holy Father, Pope Benedict XVI. In so doing, they are assaulting us all for we as Catholics are in solidarity with all who suffer injustice.  In our innocence, we partake in the sufferings of those who were abused. In our own guilt, we partake in the divine justice that is owed to the men (and women) in the Church who have abused others.  In the mystical reality of our identity as the Bride of Christ, the Mystical Body with Christ as our head, we must enter into and suffer His own Passion. We are one with Christ, and cannot be separated from Him.

I have heard and seen others, in America and abroad, who have expressed that they are "shaken" by these revelations of sin and debauchery in Ireland and Germany (especially given what has happened here). Sadly, I am not shaken at all. I am saddened. I am angry. I am beyond emotion. But I am not shocked, and I am not shaken.

We have to recall that God does not reveal sin without revealing His mercy. In this season of Lent, as we enter Holy week, it is fitting that the Church as a whole suffer to her very soul for the sins committed in her name, and perhaps with her seeming acquiescence.  It is fitting that such horrifying sin has been revealed, for now it can be purged. We enter Holy Week in humiliation, even we who are innocent. We hear once again the banshee cries directed toward all priests, most especially our Holy Father, screaming, "CRUCIFY HIM! CRUCIFY HIM!"  We shudder deep within ourselves, perhaps wanting to look away, but knowing we cannot.

We look into the eyes of the guilty and innocent alike and find ourselves reflected there, part and parcel of both the bad and the good of our human nature.

We walk the road to Calvary with our Savior, knowing why He became Incarnate and went to the Cross to save us from our sins. We offer ourselves in union with Him, to be ridiculed, to be scourged, and ultimately, to be crucified.  Unless we accompany Christ along the via dolorosa, we cannot rise with Him in the Resurrection, knowing the full revelation of His Mercy.

Mk 4:35-40 35 On that day, as evening drew on, he said to them, "Let us cross to the other side." 36 Leaving the crowd, they took him with them in the boat just as he was. And other boats were with him.37 A violent squall came up and waves were breaking over the boat, so that it was already filling up. 38 Jesus was in the stern, asleep on a cushion. They woke him and said to him, "Teacher, do you not care that we are perishing?" 39 He woke up, rebuked the wind, and said to the sea, "Quiet! Be still!"  The wind ceased and there was great calm. 40 Then he asked them, "Why are you terrified? Do you not yet have faith?"

This parable has relevance to our time. If you recall from scriptures, Jesus was always getting into a boat with the disciples and going somewhere, so we recognize this image as a reflection of the Church buffeted about in the world.

We are now those disciples in the boat with Christ as the "violent squall" of an insanely violent media attacks relentlessly, as money-grubbing attorneys with no interest in anyone's soul, much less his own, seeks to bring down the Annointed of Christ himself, seeking hard to find guilt where there is only innocence. In response, we, the faithful, are filling the chapels and churches, we are praying in our homes and in all places, at all times. If we are "shaken" it means that we think Jesus is sleeping and cannot hear our cries. For some, the scandals may well rattle their faith, yet they are in good company, for did not the Apostles (but for John) flee also when confronted by the violence and accusations of the crowd? 

Sounds a lot like the Passion of Our Lord, doesn't it?

We should not be shaken in these times. We should recognize that Christ does not sleep among us, but has sent the Holy Spirit to guide the Church through every storm of every century, and will not fail us now. Christ himself has not abandoned us; He is with us and calls US to be even more united with Him in His suffering for the salvation of sinners. We must pray, we must do penance, and we must, in absolute faith, embrace the Passion of Christ and in so doing, come to understand the full revelation of His saving power through the exercise of Divine Justice, Divine Mercy, and Divine Love in the folly and the glory of the Cross.

In the Office of Readings last Saturday we read an exhortation from St. Gregory Nazianzen:   "We must sacrifice ourselves to God, each day and in everything we do, accepting all that happens to us for the sake of the Word, imitating his passion by our sufferings, and honoring his blood by shedding our own. We must be ready to be crucified."

Today, the antiphon of Morning Prayer reminds us:  "Jesus said: my heart is nearly broken with sorrow; stay here and keep watch with me." 

The Office of Readings today is from Hebrews 10:39 exhorting us: "We are not among those who draw back and perish, but among those who have faith and live."

Today, Monday of Holy Week, we are called to courage, called to "set our faces like flint" and remember that we, too, must be crucified with Christ. We are waiting and we are watching. We are called to have faith....and live.

Surrendering to God

Faith and Abandonment

I'm not very good at abandoning myself to God. I've asked myself all the big questions: Do I believe in God? Really? Do I believe that Jesus died for me, personally? Do I believe that God desires and has a personal relationship with me? Do I believe that God loves me? Do I believe that God is who He claims to be?

I've answered those questions, and sometimes I waver on them. Sometimes I can't believe that God really loves me...because I often find myself pretty unloveable. And I believe that Jesus did indeed walk the earth...but sometimes he just seems historical, and not real.

And here's a biggie: I know that God is a Trinity, and that Jesus Christ, the second Person of the Holy Trinity, resurrected and is seated at the right hand of the Father. Therefore, although I can only see Jesus under the appearance of bread and wine, and I can only read His words in scripture, I can't see Him bodily as He was when He walked the earth. However, Jesus rose from the dead; somewhere, He remains intact, both human and divine. Jesus has a human body. Jesus has dignified the flesh and His flesh remains immortal. Yet I can't get my mind around that. I think I'm Thomas...I need to touch His wounds, to walk His footprints, scoop up His blood...the list goes on. I believe...but it seems even my belief has certain limits. I am ashamed, yet I know that I am not alone in this. And that's where Faith steps in and fills the gaps. Faith is a gift, and also an act of the will. Yes, I choose to believe even these things, even though I can't see them. But that doesn't mean I don't sometimes struggle to believe.

And sometimes I do feel abandoned. A few years ago, a new friend said to me, "It's clear that you've been set aside." I actually misinterpreted his words, thinking "set aside" to mean a version of "pushed aside" or "abandoned", and I was somewhat insulted. Yet he didn't mean it as an insult, and in moments where maybe I'm feeling lonely or lost, his words come back to me. "Set aside" means someone set apart for a particular purpose, and thus, included more fully in God's plan. That's not nearly the same as being "abandoned". And yet, we must all learn to abandon ourselves in order to reach God.

Surrender

Earlier today I wrote of the necessity of abandoning ourselves to God's will. Last Fall, for class we read St. Alphonsus de Ligouri's "Uniformity With God's Will", which is an incredible treasure, as well as a sword of conviction.

This work contains so many treasures, and works so well with Jean-Pierre de Caussade's "Abandonment to Divine Providence", which I am reading now.

Earlier today, after Mass, I wrote of the need for us to abandon ourselves into God's hands. Given that this is my struggle, given that this is the message of today's Gospel, is it any surprise that I took up my place in this book only to read this:

Holy Scripture contains one part, and the workings of the Holy Spirit within the soul do the rest, using the particular ideal reserved for you. Now it is surely obvious that the only way to receive the impress of this idea is to put oneself quietly into the hands of God, and that none of our own efforts and mental striving can be of any use at all. This work in our souls cannot be accomplished by cleverness, intelligence, or any subtlety of mind, but only by completely abandoning ourselves to the divine action, becoming like metal poured into a mold...People often rely on their intellect in their efforts to become holy, but it is not necessary. It may even hinder them. We must use only what God gives us to do and suffer.

The passage goes on, convicting me word by word. I have been fighting God for years, and I continue to do so, seemingly unable to stop. And yet He is ever-patient, ever-present, leading me step by step. I get so frustrated because I'm NOT holy, and so I read here, over and over again, that God is not frustrated with me...nothing I do will ever take Him by surprise. It is HIS job to make me Holy, and all HE asks of me is to abandon myself to Him.

It is clear to me that I don't trust God, and I do believe that not trusting God is a sin. It's a sin I can't seem to overcome, I don't know how to overcome it, and the ONLY answer is to do that which makes no sense...abandon myself to Him. In other words, take a leap hoping against hope that I will not fall into some abyss.

Abandonment seems so easy, but when we realize our true attachments and our true fears, we realize that this surrender is so impossible that only God Himself, working in and through us, can ever bring us to the pinnacle of true surrender.

It is not surprising, then, that God became Man, for it was Jesus who revealed the true meaning of Surrender! He went to the Cross, and asked us to "Follow Him", to embrace our crosses, which alone is a form of surrender, and by necessity, abandonment. We MUST be "abandoned" with our crosses, for if we are not, then we cannot be purified and we cannot be united with God! He revealed how to die to ourselves and, as Hebrews 4:15 states so succintly, "We do not have a High Priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses...." Jesus was fully human, and yet abandoned himself to unspeakable torture, even unto death.

If ever we need a measure of our own holiness, we need only look to Christ and consider His sacrifice. We cannot measure up. Not through will or intellect or any other attribute; we can ONLY approach the Cross if we are called...and more importantly, if we answer that call. We all have a choice; surrender to the call, abandon ourselves to the love of God even unto the Cross...or resist God and try to make our own way, which leads only to death.
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Disciple

It's been an interesting week. I have no idea what I'm doing, but no one really expects me to. I've been doing paperwork, meeting people, and taking the mess that was left and trying to make sense of it.

I came from a system that was very organized, and although my own desk was a disaster area, there was a method; certain things were in certain places, and when they were no longer active they went to a storage area. Wheras I spent my last couple days cleaning up, it was easy because everything was marked for a particular place.

This week I stepped into an office both left completely disorganized and having been recently painted. So it was really messed up. I've reviewed the curriculum we're using and have tossed things that are theologically unsound, while informing the DRE that if she comes across X publication, toss it. She's trusting my judgment, which is very cool. But at the same time, I've also assured her that I'll not be making any huge changes to anything, especially considering I don't know the baseline of what I'm supposed to do! So all that will come. She's new in her position, too.

But something hit me hard this week; the actual call as a disciple of Christ. Yeah, yeah, we all know about it, we're all called, we're all serving, yada yada, yada. Yup, I agree...this is a no-brainer. But it hit me this week. Because I came across some liturgical scripts used throughout the year. Apparently I am the keeper of liturgical rites as they apply to faith formation, so I looked through what I have, being that I'll be directing a lot of that particular traffic in the right seasons. And there it was; the opening Mass last year, where Father asked the Faith Formation people to come up for a blessing, and cited words such as "Called" in the context of "Called to be Disciples of Christ in speaking his Word", and "Called by the parish", etc. And there it was. I was called. I am called. God called me to serve.

Wow.

On one hand, there's a moment of wanna-be pride, but it's crowded out by my terror at being so completely clueless. I can't do anything but shake in my shoes and realize that I'm completely unworthy, not to mention unqualified. I have no experience. I don't know what I'm doing or what my job is. In my professional world, I have never been so completely unprepared and untrained.

God has sent me into my weakness...and He called me there. So on one hand it seems nice to be "favored", but in reality, I see this for what it is; discipline. A call to HUMILITY. Because nothing that is about to happen in the coming weeks will be because of me or my past accomplishments; it's all dependent upon God, because I have nothing to claim. So Pride has no place here because I am now living on my knees in the dirt - which is a great place to be when you need to address the Almighty.

I hadn't realized we'd be called forward for a blessing at Mass, which I appreciate (I need LOTS of blessings!), but what a spotlight, when all I want to do is fade into the background and just do my job. But God holds those He calls before lots of bright lights, and says, "look at my Disciples, my Servants, but not really, because they're pointing to my Glory...and you just get to see if they do it right."

Although the church has Perpetual Adoration, I only visited briefly once earlier this week, and today, I was ashamed for my absence and failure to address Jesus even ONCE every day. I had to make a trip to the parish office and was handed a package for the DRE, the sort that has a plastic cover over a binder, but the bottom was opened, and there were packets of wrapped paper inside that were not part of the binder. It was slippery, noisy stuff, but I was managing just fine.

So, carrying this noisy package, I "heard" Jesus calling me to visit Him in the chapel. Obediently, recognizing this inner voice, I diverted and went in, trying to be as quiet as possible as I entered and shut the door. I knelt on the floor near the door, and just as my knees touched down, the cellophane-wrapped package fell out of the bottom of the binder and hit the ground. Loudly. I cringed, whispered an apology to a amused-looking woman to my right, and while bowing to Jesus, picked up the papers and put them away again. As quietly as possible. Right.

Hi. I'm the new Faith Formation person on the staff. Nice ta meetcha.

I think Jesus was snikering at me.

So there I was, and there I offered him the prayer that came to me during my Vocational discernment, timeless words that no doubt come to EVERYONE who seeks to serve God:

"Jesus, I offer you everything I have, everything I am, everything I have been, and everything I'll ever be."

Today, though, I offered myself to Him through my clumsiness, my cluelessness, knowing my past work experience is useless, knowing my future is a blank page, and speaking through my fears of being inept and incapable.

And Jesus just looked at me, loved me, and told me to trust him. He doesn't care that I'm clumsy, noisy, clueless and inept. He finds those traits endearing in all of us.

And then I headed back to our offices to live out the rest of the day.

God doesn't make mistakes, he can't be taken by surprise, and all he asks is that we follow him. Why is that so hard?