Pondering Spiritual Motherhood

As the title indicates, I have been pondering spiritual motherhood. Lately, in prayer, and especially after having attended yesterday's Ordination Mass, my devotion to the Priesthood of Jesus Christ has been given a radical kick.

Yet…I don't really understand Motherhood. How can I? My mother was wonderful...for the first part of my life. And she's wonderful now, but our relationship has been very, very damaged. How, then, can I be a mother to anyone.

Last year, after a First Communion Mass I had coordinated, one of my catechists gave me a corsage. It was Mother’s Day and I protested to her that I’m not a mother as I am not married and have no children. I’m not deserving of the honor of a corsage. She disagreed, as did a couple of the parents of the children receiving the Sacraments; she called me a “spiritual mother” to them all. I was deeply, deeply touched, and humbled. In truth, this lady had helped me greatly in my first year in that parish and in truth, was far more a mother to me than I was to ANYONE!

What is Motherhood?

I’ve had to break it down: What does a mother do?

She loves. She sacrifices. She cares deeply for her children and will stop at nothing to be certain they have what they need. If they fall, she picks them up and brushes them off. If there are tears, she wipes them away. If they misbehave, she corrects them and sets them on their way.

Maybe most importantly, she lives her life as an example to them, and whether they realize it or not, they follow that example as they grow. They take on her practices, her gestures, and even if they don’t share her interests, they at least understand and support them as they grow into their own calling. But most importantly, if she sets a good example and treats them in accordance to live that example themselves…they grow up and reflect, in a way, her image.

I once had a teacher who, when some of my classmates misbehaved, would say, “You’re behavior is a reflection of your mother.”

That always gave us pause. How did we want our mothers to be seen?

Spiritual motherhood, then, isn’t the same as real-life motherhood, but the elements are there, and perhaps deepened in that mystical way only God understands. A spiritual mother cares for her spiritual children in unseen ways, in prayer and fasting, small sacrifices, and maybe even real-life encouragement or redirection when needed or if even possible. It’s a hidden type of motherhood, but just as important in the Mystical Body of Christ as any real motherhood would be.

Spiritual Mothers of Priests

Spiritual mothers of priests have additional concerns, although not in ways all that different from those of biological mothers. She prays that priests will be holy, that they will be conformed to Christ, have the humility to allow Christ to work through them in every moment, and will be good Fathers. She takes them as her sons by adoption, yet loving them as her own, just as Joseph loved Jesus as his own child.

She carries them with her in hear heart, pondering the Paschal Mystery, the Misterium Fidei, and the Priestood, knowing they are one and the same. She ponders deeply the needs of her Sons, understanding human nature, never in denial of that reality, even as she recognizes how we strive for holiness, and the importance for all that their spiritual Fathers, Priests, remain in a state of sanctity. Holy Priests create Holy People. It's a fact that cannot be denied.

And if one of those Priests should fall, she does not abandon him, but prays and sacrifices all the more so that he, like the Prodigal Son, might return home and be welcomed and celebrated by the Father.

She remains in the background, always implied, never seen, rarely recognized, few words spoken or recorded, and therin is her mystery and her necessity. Just as the Priest empties himself in order to stand in persona Christi, so does the spiritual mother empty herself in order to allow herself to be pierced with Divine Love and be so united with Christ at the foot of the Cross that she can lay down her own life for the Church.

It is a hidden sacrifice, and even if it is recognized formally, it remains in the mystical realm, completely following the scriptural silence of the Mother of Jesus who contemplated much, but revealed...very little. The few words she spoke pointed to Jesus and all that He did and would do.

Spiritual mothers try to be conformed to Christ as much as possible, through the guidance of Our Lady, and through her intercession and model, are also conformed to her in a special way. They also know, that like our Blessed Mother, they will be pierced with suffering and therefore united to Christ in His Passion.

To be a spiritual mother of priests is to enjoy a dignity not merited, not requested, and perhaps not desired. Yet...it is a calling. A Vocation within a Vocation. A hidden Vocation, for most of her sons will never know her, nor will she know them. Yet, once she has given her fiat, each and every time a Priest falls, she will be pierced, just as Our Sorrowful Mother was pierced through the depths of her soul as she followed Christ through His Passion and death on the Cross.

We look at scripture, and who remained at the foot of the Cross? The Mother of our Lord and other women, spiritual mothers united with Mary, devoted to Jesus, and their one remaining son, the Apostle John...the only one who did not flee. And incidentally, the one who outlived all the other Apostles for the good of the Church.

Could he have done this without the support of the Mother of God? Without the support of those women, who, even before Christianity, had a tradition of supporting and sacrificing for their teachers?

This weekend, I looked down at my hand, for I wore a ring given to me by my own Mother a few years ago as she can no longer wear it. It is a Mother's ring created out of Black Hills Gold: a rose with two leaves, symbolizing a mother and her two children. I've long felt weird wearing it, yet, finally, this weekend it made sense to me.

I will continue to ponder this and pray about it, and there is much left unsaid, which is as it should be. By no means is this post complete, and perhaps it will never be so.

What I DO know is this: we are all called to pray for our Priests and Bishops, we are all called to live out our Baptismal promises to spread the Gospel to all nations. But there are some who are set apart for certain roles.

Ladies...are YOU called to Spiritual Motherhood for Priests?

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I Have Proof!

I offer you clear evidence that Our Lady has a special place in her heart for her Dominican family, and so may I introduce you to:

Our Lady of the Dominicans!

(I took this photo last Saturday during the snowstorm.)

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And if you'll kindly observe the next photo, which was taken in August, we can see the obvious popularity of Our Lady's protector:

St. Joseph has a Fan!

(And if you're wondering why Jesus isn't contained in this post...it's because Our Lady of the Dominicans and St. Joseph with a Fan are still on their 8 or 9 day journey to Bethelem. (Kinda makes you think of a Novena...doesn't it?)

God is your Father, Mary is your Mother

Today is my Dad's birthday.

He died in 1995, but if he were still alive, I'd be calling him today to see how he is. To tell him how I am. To talk about...things. If he lived close by, we'd take him out for dinner or something. And Dad would tell stories.


I think I get that ability from him.

Dad was a gentle soul, loved others unconditionally, likely from the suffering he experienced in his own life. It seemed his lot to always be reaching out to others in some way. He was always smiling, always joking, but I think that when it came to his true pain, he hid it from the world.


I'm just like him, in so many ways, and more and more I have come to see it.


I miss him a lot. The last time I saw him was at my high school graduation. At the time he was living in another state, with my grandmother, keeping her company as grandpa had died several years before. So it was that in Jr. High and High School I hadn't seen Dad a lot; we spoke on the phone, we saw him occasionally, on holidays. And as the years went on, this happened less and less. There is more to the story, but it's something I'm not ready to discuss, and may never do so on my blog.


His death was shocking only in that death is ALWAYS shocking in the void that it leaves, and the grief and sense of guilt that sometimes (maybe often) takes its place. We expected something, but when it happened...well...it still hurts.


Dad died of hepatic and renal failure, acute onset. His last words were the name of the hospital: St. Francis.


Dad was Lutheran, but I am comforted by the idea that his last words were the name of a beloved Saint, one who would have known and understood Dad's true poverty and may very well have been with him then as as he left this world later that day.


I've been praying for Dad all day, missing him, wondering how he is. I don't know what his beliefs were at that time; Lutheran in name, but Mom feared he was an atheist by then, although the evidence we found was that he believed in God and knew he was dying...and may well have been ready. In hope, I continue to pray for him.

Growing up was hard. My parents divorced when I was only eight, and shortly after that, Mom was diagnosed with Bipolar...after she had a psychotic episode. When we moved to Minnesota to be closer to her family, nothing was fixed although the family was helpful on many occasions. Dad moved up here a few years later, and again...nothing was fixed. They weren't married. Mom wasn't even coherent a lot of the time, and Dad...well, Dad was just absent from our lives except for weekends, and even then, he was absent.

A few years ago I was speaking with a priest about the difficulties I was having with my mother...as you might guess, our relationship hasn't been perfect. I wanted it to be, but it simply wasn't there. I still look at my friends and witness their FRIENDSHIPS with their mothers and wonder how that happened for them? I know the answer, theoretically. That evening, the priest said to me, "God is your Father, and Mary is your Mother."


I think he was actually at a loss as to how to respond to my predicament, but in those words, he gave me my answer, and I have grasped that phrase as I would a lifejacket if I were drowning.


Over time, I've greatly worked on my relationship with Mary, and indeed, things between my mother and I are so much better than they were, and improving constantly. In school, especially, I've come face to face with God in the Old Testament, and His constancy through the New Testament...and even God as my Father has become more understandable to me.


Our families reveal to us the face of God, and if our families are dysfunctional, we often form our knowledge of God on the basis of such corrupted experiences. So it was that, being told to direct my focus from what was so wrong, to what was absolute Truth personified was the perfect advice to begin to heal the rift that has covered so many years.

Jesus Grieved for Joseph


Today yet another piece fell into place, something I've never considered.


This evening I went to Mass, and while praying for my Dad, missing him, wondering about him, Jesus said to me, "I lost my earthly father, too."

If I'd been walking, that revelation would have stopped me in my tracks.

We often think about Jesus and His Mother...but we don't think of Joseph. We often speak of Jesus' grief when his dear friend Lazarus died, but because it isn't recorded in scripture, we don't consider his grief when St. Joseph passed away. We speak of a "Happy Death" in reference to St. Joseph, as he would have had Jesus and Mary at his side, but we don't consider how Our Savior, in His humanity, would have suffered such grief as His earthly protector and father paid the price of original sin in his death.

Jesus was raised by Joseph and Mary. He would have learned everything about being a man from his earthly father. He was a carpenter; just like Joseph, as Jesus took on his father's trade like every other boy did at that time.


Of COURSE Jesus grieved when Joseph died, more deeply than anyone has ever grieved for their parents. For Jesus had the full understanding of WHY he died, and loved Joseph with the perfect love not only of a son...but of the Father Himself.

I realized today that even as I will forever grieve the death of my father, Jesus is present with me there, and welcomes me, and all of us, into His own grief. We are united in this sense of loss that arises out of love. Where there is no love, there is no grief, and so even in what we consider to be "everyday" suffering, we are still participants in the love and suffering of Christ.

Indeed...there can be no love without suffering..and no suffering without love.


I miss my Dad because I loved him, and still do. No matter what happened in our lives, there was always love, and that's the only thing that matters.

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Dad, I love you. Rest in Peace.

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Holy Family / Holy Trinity

+ JMJ +

Yesterday during my Adoration hour, I was thrilled to see a small Nativity in the front of the chapel. As I prayed my rosary, I concentrated on this trio and their trials, and the significance of family, especially in these dark days.

Jesus, Mary, and Joseph.

At a very young age, I was taught that these three names were a prayer, all by itself, for the names that make up this family carry salvation for us. They are eternal, for our salvation came from the "YES" of Mary and Joseph, and the sacrifice of that very Infant who grew up to be so obedient in his sacrifical love for His Father's will.

I still remember, on hot, stormy nights, as I cowered under my covers, sweating, terrified and shaking, I prayed these very names, "Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!" Over and over again. And somehow, I was comforted; in spite of the fierce winds outside, the creaking branches of the trees rubbing against the window, and the rain and hail falling hard against the exterior walls, somehow I was able to sleep again, peacefully, held with Jesus in His Mother's arms. I suppose I spent many a night cuddled with the Infant Jesus, although I didn't understand the power of such a simple prayer.

My knowledge and faith have matured over time, and it leads me to sometimes contemplate not only the meaning of the Holy Family, but also of the Holy Trinity; for isn't the child of the Holy Family the Second Person of the Holy Trinity? Is it any mistake that the Holy Family is a reflection of God, for it is the very love of a man and a woman together that produces a child? For it is not the man or the woman alone that brings life; it is love. It is the productive love of a man and woman that is the reflection of God's image. We cannot, then, understand what "family" means unless we seek to understand the profound truth of the Holy Trinity.

I have heard Catholics and non-Catholics alike tell me that the Trinity can't be understood, is not SUPPOSED to be understood, and so we should not even TRY to understand. To those people, I suggest that they contemplate the Holy Family, and ask Jesus, Mary, and Joseph to reveal God to them. Let the Holy Family teach you about the Trinity; they are a living example, humanized for clearer understanding.

Is it exact? No...the Trinity is so profound and infinite that we as human beings cannot ever fathom the depths of God, and it is true that we are not supposed to understand EVERYTHING. Yet, that is not to say we should not seek to understand; for in that seeking, that is were God reveals Himself to us, little by little, beckoning us through trials and purifications, helping us to understand to the degree that we are able.

I just LOVE the Icon of the Holy Trinity, for it has helped me to understand God a little more, and understand the Saints, for the icon reveals so much. It was after some of the symbolism of the icon was explained to me that I finally understood a concept we had briefly come across in class, but the image solidified this tiny comprehension.

The eye naturally follows in a circle beginning at the feet of the person on the left, travels around and ends on the right. Whether our comprehension follows our eye is a different matter, but as an iconologist explained this to me, let us look at the Trinity in this manner.

We see that the heads of the person in the middle and on the right are inclined towards the one on the left in a show of deference. So clearly, the person on the left is God the Father. Just in case we miss this point, his robes of gold convey his Divinity and Person. God the Father is the First Person of the Trinity. We see that the person in the middle is holding out 2 fingers, to indicate to us that He is Jesus, the Second Person of the Trinity. That means that the Person on the right is the personification of the Holy Spirit.

Now that you can identify all of the Persons of the Holy Trinity, trace the line beginning at God the Father's foot. Follow the line of his leg, and as the line continues, up to His eye. His gaze goes straight across to the gaze of the Holy Spirit across from Him. Follow that downward to the foot of the Holy Spirit.

What do you see? A chalice. The chalice contained within the Trinity, that invites us inward to PARTICIPATION in this very Mystery.

Now look at the chalice in the center of the table. It's obvious that this stands for the Blood of Christ. This is further indicated because Jesus Christ is in the center before the chalice, and it makes sense that the chalice is in the center of the table and not His hand...for it is an offering of His blood.

It is through the blood of Christ that we are ABLE to enter into God's presence.

This icon is proleptic of the beautific vision. Do you want to see Heaven? Pray with this Icon...it reveals all that we need to know in our present condition.

Many of the Saints experienced what are called "Ecstasies" and "Trances" and similar things. People observed that, in prayer, they were able to remain completely still, as they were so ABSORBED with God.

Consider this: At Mass, we pray the Nicene Creed, and some of the words say, "We believe in the Holy Spirit, the Lord, the giver of life, who proceeds from the Father and the Son."

"Proceeds" is a key word. Have you ever considered what it meant? Look at it again. The Holy Spirit proceeds from the Father and the Son.

When the Saints experienced their ecstasies, it is understood by great theological minds that they had been drawn into the Divine Processions...they had entered into the Holy Trinity.

When we look upon this icon, we, too, are drawn into the Divine Processions, visually, and we come to see that this happens through the sacrificial blood of Jesus Christ, who paid for our passage. It is the Holy Spirit that INVITES us and conveys this understanding, and God the Father who willed us into being, for Him and Him alone. Yet Jesus had to offer of Himself, ALL of Himself, in order that we might experience eternity with God.

The Holy Family is simply proleptic (indicative of a future reality) of what is to come; it is what we should seek to be here on earth. No, not all of us are called into human unions, however, we ARE called into that same reflection of self-giving love, sacrificial love, which proceeds from...the Trinity.

It is a mistake to avoid contemplating the Trinity; it is a mistake to admonish someone that they aren't SUPPOSED to understand such things. Rather, we should be ENCOURAGING each other to seek God, especially through these most sublime mysteries. We are all called to be Saints, even here on Earth. We are all called to participate in the life of Christ...and what is the Life of Christ but the Eternal Kingdom of God, there, held lovingly in the arms of the Holy Trinity?