The Lord is My Drill Sergeant

So I went to Adoration and now I have a slight plan, we'll see how it pans out. I will focus on Spiritual Theology this weekend and see if I can get the essays done by tomorrow night. Then I will work more on the Old Testament stuff, (every day - memorization), and if I need to, re-read the 42 pages in the course notes for the Vatican II class, and hit the essays hard next weekend and next week. Then I should be ready for class.

At Adoration I was really laying it all out there for Jesus, wondering if I had discerned incorrectly...should I not have attempted Grad school? Am I doing the wrong thing? But no...I do sense that He wants me here because his interior reply to me was, "Welcome to Boot Camp."

Huh?! Yup. Boot camp for Catholics. I've enlisted in Christ's Military, and now he's putting the screws to me to see if I can "hang with the big dogs" (as a Marine Special Forces friend of mine used to say).

So, now my prayer has changed.

Psalm 23:

The Lord is my Drill Sergeant
I shall not complain
He makes me read books of Vatican II
He leads me to read of the Saints
And increases my knowledge of Him.

Even though I walk through the valley of academic failure
I will fear no bad grades
For Thou art with me
Thy Word and Thy Sacraments
they comfort me

Thou preparest me a test before me
in the presence of mine classmates
Thou poundest my brain with memorizations
my tears overflow
Surely more papers and test qestions
shall follow me
all the days of this course
And I shall dwell in the spirit of panic
for as long as it lasts

Amen

Ok, I surrender to the Lord my Drill Sergeant's will. Back to reading.

MASSIVE Prayer Request!

I'm having my first Academic Anxiety attack of the school year. This promises to be great fun!

I am behind in my reading due to the craziness of my last couple weeks, starting a new job with not-stable hours, and my head is just full of STUFF such that I don't know what's coming at me next. Well, I know, it's just a lot all at once.

Until about 20 minutes ago, I was fine. Then I looked at the calender. I have this weekend and next weekend...and the weekend after is class. Tuesday is supposed to be our first parish leadership meeting of the year...and I've decided that, unless I get WAY further on stuff than I am right now, then I won't be going because grad school is a higher priority. The parish won't sink without my presence. My grades WILL.

I've been plugging away at Old Testament stuff as there's a ton of memorization so that's one I'm spreading out because I don't have the ability to sit and memorize all the books of the OT all at once, or the geography, or the answers to all the questions. I have most of the reading done, but a lot of review will be needed for that class. fine. I can handle that one. (Please pray that I am able to memorize everything, though, for the test as required.)

So, moving on....Documents of Vatican II. I've done the reading. Then I looked at the essay questions I have to answer, 5 of them...and I can't answer a SINGLE ONE! In fact, even though I just completed the reading yesterday and today, well, I have no idea what I read. I have NO GRASP on this material. I don't know where the answers are. There is a reference to "SC, 1" and I don't know if it's "1" of the Intro, the entire Chapter 1, or just part 1 of the Intro or Chapter 1. I'm sure the answer to THAT is in my reading, too, but I don't know where.

And so I'm now crying just like I did last semester with the Writings of JP2.

Oh, and then there's the Spirituality class...I have only touched on the reading, and while those questions look easier, I can't answer them because none of the reading is done! I'm looking at the calender, and the time I have available, and I'm in a full-fledged panic.

Please pray for me. I'm so panicked I don't even know what to panic about first!

My Adoration hour is at 3. I'm going early with ALL my books with the hope Jesus will tell me which one to tackle first.

I really don't know if I can do this, and I am NOT exaggerating.