You Just Might Be a Theologian...

Last night shortly after we arrived at class, we learned from one of our classmates that, in fact, we have already graduated.  He had seen an article so called down to the University to inquire about our apparently having been granted our degrees in absentia. They told him that as the University has only one graduation, they expect at this point that we would actually complete the program and so award the degrees in our absence at the graduation ceremony held on University grounds, even though we have our own graduation ceremonies at the various locations of our cohorts.

This caused our professor to say, tongue-in-cheek, "Well, you could have blown off this whole weekend! You're full-fledged theologians now!"

So last night, just as I dropped off to sleep last night lamenting the fact that I didn't even get an invitation to my own graduation, I heard in a perfect redneck drawl... "You just might be a theologian..."

So! I have decided to create a list as to what, exactly, makes one a "Theologian!"

YOU JUST MIGHT BE A THEOLOGIAN.....

If you have ever dreamed about living in a van down by the river when you fall asleep in the chapel...you just might be a theologian.

If you have ever been awarded your graduate theology degree before you actually completed your final paper...you just might be a theologian.

If you can name at least two Rabbis cited by Pope Benedict XVI in his writings...you just might be a theologian.

If you know why a priori assumptions are a bad thing in Biblical scholarship....you just might be a theologian.

If you're so excited about the revision and implementation of the recent revision of the Missale Romanum that you can barely contain yourself....you just might be a theologian!

If you know who Schillebeeckx was, what order he was from, and why we should be praying for him now....you just might be a theologian.

Not only that, but if you know who Skilla  Schelli  Schilla. Schillebeeckx was AND can spell and, bonus, pronounce his name correctly....you just might be a theologian!

If Garrigou Lagrange, OP is one of your favorite authors and you read his works during your "free time"...you just might be a theologian. 

If you have ever referred to yourself or someone else in conversation as "a substance subsisting apart from all other substances"....you just might be a theologian.

If you know what "operatio sequitor esse" is and have ever given a both deep and precise definition of it in a random casual conversation without actually using the Latin phrase....you just might be a theologian.

If you are kept awake at night wondering what would have happened if Adam and Eve had actually 'fessed up to God instead of making clothing out of leaves....you just might be a theologian.

If your Christmas list includes the Summa because you already wore your volumes out....you just might be a theologian!

If you have ever fallen asleep in the chapel only to wake up and write the most brilliant explanation of a point of doctrine you didn't previously understand, and later learn that what you wrote was completely faithful to Church teaching....you just might be a theologian.

If you know the importance of the 1966 New Jerusalem Bible and what the modern versions removed...you just might be a theologian.

If you have ever installed a coffee pot on your DESK! ...you just might be a theologian!

If you have more theological books than you have furniture....you just might be a theologian!

If you are reading blogs and you see demands for this or that person to be excommunicated or suffer some other punishment, you think to yourself, "Canon 18!"   ...you just might be a theologian!

If you have ever felt like someone was attacking your Mother when they were attacking the Church....you just might be a theologian.

If your mother keeps a rosary on her rear-view mirror and several other sets in the cupholder...you just might be a theologian.

If you know what a chokti is and what it's for and why some people would never sell one to you if you are Roman Catholic...you just might be a theologian.

If you know the ONLY only canonical context of the word "Vocation"....you just might be a theologian.

If you can look at any topic of theology and see that it points to ecclesiology...you just might be a theologian.

If you know the history of the priesthood and how it developed in the different suri iuris's of the Church...you just might be a theologian. 

If you know what "suri iuris" means and the canonical import as it applies to an unbaptized child at the age of reason if he or she has parents of differing opinions...you just might be a theologian.

If your car has BOOKS in place of tires....you just might be a redneck....ahem...ah.... theologian without a proper jack.  

If you can type and pray the rosary at the same time....you just might be a theologian.

If you have a question NONE of your theology professors have been able to answer....you just might be a theologian.  

If someone comes into your office with a question on contraception and you print out a copy of Humanae Vitae from a shortcut on your favorites menu....you just might be a theologian.

If you think that God made coffee to prove to us that He loves us and wants to be happy....you might just be a theologian (even if Benjamin Franklin applied it to beer) 

If you have ever been present when a priest in good standing gave a blessing in LATIN to the beer you were about to drink....you just might be a theologian.

If you know what the "Q" document is and why it's a load of crap...you just might be a theologian.

If you can pontificate on the theological truths revealed in "The Gods Must be Crazy" ...you just might be a theologian.  

If your BOOKS have wheels and your computer desk doesn't...you just might be a theologian!

If your parents met on a pilgrimage to the Vatican or the Holy Land....you just might be a theologian.

If your teenagers are going hungry tonight because it's Lent...you just might be a theologian.

If you decorate your house in accordance with the liturgical year....you just might be a theologian.

If your job requires you to wear a dog dish and platter once per year in the spring...you just might be a theologian.  

If you name your sons Matthew, Mark, Luke and John....you just might be a Rad Trad.

If you name your sons Abraham, Jacob, Joseph, and Isaac...you just might be a theologian.

If you name your girls Mary Agnes, Mary Francis, Mary Elizabeth and Mary Grace...you just might be a fan of Flannery O'Connor.

If you name your girls Sarah, Esther, Judith, and Miriam...you just might be a theologian.

If you are in possession of several relics and house them in a proper shrine in your home....you just might be a theologian.

If you know the difference between a Papal Bull, Encyclical, Apostolic Exhortation and General Instruction......you just might be a theologian.

If you have EVER gotten into a discussion on the authorship of John's Gospel and Revelation in a random location with someone you have never met...you just might be a theologian.

If you have a Holy Card Hunt instead of an "Easter Egg Hunt" on the day the Church celebrates the Resurrection of Christ...you just might be a theologian.

If you have your last classroom session on the Feast of the Ascension and your graduation ceremony on a First Friday in June and know why these days are significant to the occasion...you just might be a theologian.

*   *   *

"Theologians"....add your own! 

REDNECK JOKES!

OK, everyone, I need to have some fun. I live in the redneck portion of my metro area, and the other day someone commented that one of the local radio stations refers to a certain interchange near me as the "redneck bottleneck". I'm still lauging. We have MORE pickups per capita here than Texas, I'd wager. And although Soccar Moms are up there, too, the rednecks crowd them out.

Today I happened to hear Jeff Foxworthy again, and I've always been a fan. So I'm going to start with the redneck jokes I remember, and I'm asking all commenters to post their own. Go ahead and post what you remember from Jeff Foxworthy, but, to be fair, if you're quoting him or what you think he said, please cite him with a "JF" at the end of your post.

That way, those of you who are speaking from experience or observation can be recognized as being kings and queens of redneckdome! LOL!

So it begins....

If your grammy keeps a spit-cup on the ironin' board...You just might be a redneck.

If you have ever listed "ammo" on your Christmas list....

If your family tree does NOT fork....

If your HOUSE has wheels and your car DOESN'T.....

If you go to family reunions to look for a DATE....

If you back up your truck and hit the brakes hard to do a donut to unload it....

If hitting a deer at 65 mph is your idea of hunting...

If your Salad bowls all say "cool whip" on the side....

If your dress is strapless, but your bra isn't....

If you have to miss 10th grade because of jury duty...

(all from Jeff Foxworthy)