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Saturday, May 15, 2010

You Just Might Be a Theologian...

Last night shortly after we arrived at class, we learned from one of our classmates that, in fact, we have already graduated.  He had seen an article so called down to the University to inquire about our apparently having been granted our degrees in absentia. They told him that as the University has only one graduation, they expect at this point that we would actually complete the program and so award the degrees in our absence at the graduation ceremony held on University grounds, even though we have our own graduation ceremonies at the various locations of our cohorts.

This caused our professor to say, tongue-in-cheek, "Well, you could have blown off this whole weekend! You're full-fledged theologians now!"

So last night, just as I dropped off to sleep last night lamenting the fact that I didn't even get an invitation to my own graduation, I heard in a perfect redneck drawl... "You just might be a theologian..."

So! I have decided to create a list as to what, exactly, makes one a "Theologian!"

YOU JUST MIGHT BE A THEOLOGIAN.....

If you have ever dreamed about living in a van down by the river when you fall asleep in the chapel...you just might be a theologian.

If you have ever been awarded your graduate theology degree before you actually completed your final paper...you just might be a theologian.

If you can name at least two Rabbis cited by Pope Benedict XVI in his writings...you just might be a theologian.

If you know why a priori assumptions are a bad thing in Biblical scholarship....you just might be a theologian.

If you're so excited about the revision and implementation of the recent revision of the Missale Romanum that you can barely contain yourself....you just might be a theologian!

If you know who Schillebeeckx was, what order he was from, and why we should be praying for him now....you just might be a theologian.

Not only that, but if you know who Skilla  Schelli  Schilla. Schillebeeckx was AND can spell and, bonus, pronounce his name correctly....you just might be a theologian!

If Garrigou Lagrange, OP is one of your favorite authors and you read his works during your "free time"...you just might be a theologian. 

If you have ever referred to yourself or someone else in conversation as "a substance subsisting apart from all other substances"....you just might be a theologian.

If you know what "operatio sequitor esse" is and have ever given a both deep and precise definition of it in a random casual conversation without actually using the Latin phrase....you just might be a theologian.

If you are kept awake at night wondering what would have happened if Adam and Eve had actually 'fessed up to God instead of making clothing out of leaves....you just might be a theologian.

If your Christmas list includes the Summa because you already wore your volumes out....you just might be a theologian!

If you have ever fallen asleep in the chapel only to wake up and write the most brilliant explanation of a point of doctrine you didn't previously understand, and later learn that what you wrote was completely faithful to Church teaching....you just might be a theologian.

If you know the importance of the 1966 New Jerusalem Bible and what the modern versions removed...you just might be a theologian.

If you have ever installed a coffee pot on your DESK! ...you just might be a theologian!

If you have more theological books than you have furniture....you just might be a theologian!

If you are reading blogs and you see demands for this or that person to be excommunicated or suffer some other punishment, you think to yourself, "Canon 18!"   ...you just might be a theologian!

If you have ever felt like someone was attacking your Mother when they were attacking the Church....you just might be a theologian.

If your mother keeps a rosary on her rear-view mirror and several other sets in the cupholder...you just might be a theologian.

If you know what a chokti is and what it's for and why some people would never sell one to you if you are Roman Catholic...you just might be a theologian.

If you know the ONLY only canonical context of the word "Vocation"....you just might be a theologian.

If you can look at any topic of theology and see that it points to ecclesiology...you just might be a theologian.

If you know the history of the priesthood and how it developed in the different suri iuris's of the Church...you just might be a theologian. 

If you know what "suri iuris" means and the canonical import as it applies to an unbaptized child at the age of reason if he or she has parents of differing opinions...you just might be a theologian.

If your car has BOOKS in place of tires....you just might be a redneck....ahem...ah.... theologian without a proper jack.  

If you can type and pray the rosary at the same time....you just might be a theologian.

If you have a question NONE of your theology professors have been able to answer....you just might be a theologian.  

If someone comes into your office with a question on contraception and you print out a copy of Humanae Vitae from a shortcut on your favorites menu....you just might be a theologian.

If you think that God made coffee to prove to us that He loves us and wants to be happy....you might just be a theologian (even if Benjamin Franklin applied it to beer) 

If you have ever been present when a priest in good standing gave a blessing in LATIN to the beer you were about to drink....you just might be a theologian.

If you know what the "Q" document is and why it's a load of crap...you just might be a theologian.

If you can pontificate on the theological truths revealed in "The Gods Must be Crazy" ...you just might be a theologian.  

If your BOOKS have wheels and your computer desk doesn't...you just might be a theologian!

If your parents met on a pilgrimage to the Vatican or the Holy Land....you just might be a theologian.

If your teenagers are going hungry tonight because it's Lent...you just might be a theologian.

If you decorate your house in accordance with the liturgical year....you just might be a theologian.

If your job requires you to wear a dog dish and platter once per year in the spring...you just might be a theologian.  

If you name your sons Matthew, Mark, Luke and John....you just might be a Rad Trad.

If you name your sons Abraham, Jacob, Joseph, and Isaac...you just might be a theologian.

If you name your girls Mary Agnes, Mary Francis, Mary Elizabeth and Mary Grace...you just might be a fan of Flannery O'Connor.

If you name your girls Sarah, Esther, Judith, and Miriam...you just might be a theologian.

If you are in possession of several relics and house them in a proper shrine in your home....you just might be a theologian.

If you know the difference between a Papal Bull, Encyclical, Apostolic Exhortation and General Instruction......you just might be a theologian.

If you have EVER gotten into a discussion on the authorship of John's Gospel and Revelation in a random location with someone you have never met...you just might be a theologian.

If you have a Holy Card Hunt instead of an "Easter Egg Hunt" on the day the Church celebrates the Resurrection of Christ...you just might be a theologian.

If you have your last classroom session on the Feast of the Ascension and your graduation ceremony on a First Friday in June and know why these days are significant to the occasion...you just might be a theologian.

*   *   *

"Theologians"....add your own! 

28 comments:

Father Cory Sticha said...

If you're more excited by the latest book by Pope Benedict or volume of a Scripture commentary series than by the latest blockbuster movie...you might be a theologian.

Adoro said...

Oooh! Good one! WAY TOO TRUE!

Elizabeth Mahlou said...

Great post!

ocd sister said...

This made me laugh so hard... Thank you! And congratulations on your most recent accomplishment, even if you weren't invited to the party!

Tara said...

You have relics!? You ARE a theologian.

Adoro said...

ocd sister ~ lol...glad you laughed! And thanks! (We do have our own party up here with our own cohort, as do the other MTS cohorts in their locations!)

Tara ~ I wrote this not as my own experiences (although SOME of them are!) but it should not be taken verbatim but as a general sign as to discerning whether one might be a theologian. As opposed to, say a redneck.

;-)

And yes, I do have several relics. No 1st class (not verifiable 1st class), but I do have a 2nd class and several 3rd classes. Doesn't EVERYONE have those?

a consecrated virgin said...

I just graduated from the M.A. program at AMU, and was at the actual graduation ceremony at the University. All the MTS recipients had their names listed in the program--so I think I witnessed your degree being awarded!

Adoro said...

a consecrated virgin ~ Well, congrats! I'm so glad you were able to come to my graduation! ;-) I'm so sorry I wasn't at yours. :-(

But...in spirit!

So...anything to add to the list above? lol

Mary333 said...

This was totally hilarious! Thanks for the laugh!

Stitchwort said...

"If you know the importance of the 1966 New Jerusalem Bible and what the modern versions removed...you just might be a theologian."

I'm NOT a theologian, but this one has me really curious.

Congratulations on the completion of your degree!

Kiwi Nomad 2008 said...

Oh thank goodness... not one of them applies to me.... so I can't possibly be a theologian. But by golly, I laughed!!

Mark said...

I once fell asleep and dreamed I understood Karl Rahner only to wake up and find I didn't.

I don't think actually understanding Rahner is a requisite for classifying oneself as a theologian, though.

If it is, the number of theologians in the world can probably be counted on the fingers of one hand.

Anonymous said...

If you see this commercial and think of the hypostatic union, you might be a theologian:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E8zwnXjIjPM

-worm

Adoro said...

Mark ~ Actually it would be, especially given the fact that Rahner was uh...quite problematic.

Worm ~ Bonus points if one can point out the Christological errors in that link as the hypostatic union...and bigger bonus if it can be done without entering into a totally different heresy! ;-)

(I'm not your woman on that one, as I learned this semester...but I can tell it's "off") lol

Mark said...

The most obvious Christological error in that link is the idea of the "mingling of natures", and the consequent denial of the truth that each of the natures in Christ retains its own distinct properties.

The totally different heresy would be to emphasise the distinction of the natures in such a way as to undermine the reality of the hypostatic union (in line with Nestorius) by effecxtively positing two persons.

Adoro said...

*applause* I'm still dealing with mush-brain from writing papers and then class this last weekend. I could not have articulated that (even when I could see it!) lol

Mark said...

Occasional brain-mush is yet another sign of being a theologian :)

Adoro said...

Oh, I don't think this is occasional...I've had mush brain for the last several months! Hoping the fog will clear now that I'm not going to be buried in all sorts of intense theological thought and can maybe read things that are simple, zone out in front of good movies and live like a normal human being again!

Um...how does a normal human being live?

a consecrated virgin said...

Okay, I finally came up with one:

Your might just be a theologian if…

…you worry about possible Christological heresies embedded in well-known Christmas carols. (E.g., in the second verse of “Hark the Herald Angels Sing”: “…veiled in flesh the Godhead see…” Is that Docetist?!)

Stitchwort:

I hope Adoro corrects me if I'm wrong, but I believe the difference between the 1966 Jerusalem Bible and the New Jerusalem Bible has to do with the footnotes. If I’m remembering correctly, (and I may not be, since I’m dealing with brain mush, too) the first Jerusalem Bible had footnotes that quite extensively referenced the Church Fathers’ commentary on the Scriptures, which were missing in the revised edition. This is problematic because it’s sort of an implicit endorsement of the historical-critical method, which tends towards an anti-supernatural bias in Scriptural interpretation.

Adoro: Your graduation was lovely—Mary Higgens Clark was the speaker and her talk was really nice—but it was hot! (Ninety-seven degrees, with no shade outside in the south Florida sun.)

Stitchwort said...

A Consecrated Virgin:

Thank you. I have the 1966 hardcover Jerusalem Bible, and it is indeed heavily sprinkled with footnotes, but most of them seem to be internal (based on a quick random sampling) rather than to the Church Fathers. But it still remains my second-favourite translation, after the RSV-CE.

I remember when the paperback edition came out, and how most of the footnotes were omitted.

Next time I'm in our Catholic bookstore, I'll have a look at the New Jerusalem Bible for comparison. I tend to avoid any translation with the word "New" in the title as so often it figures gender-neutral language which does bad things to my blood pressure. ..

Suburbanbanshee said...

Re: Jerusalem Bible, I thought it was a trick Tolkien question.

Tolkien: getting the Job done.

Adoro said...

Mark ~ Uh oh....!

A Consecrated virgin ~ Aww...thanks for the description of our graduation! I would have wilted and died (I hate heat and humidity), but would have offered it up of course!

Also, thanks for answering Stitchwort's question. That is indeed correct. I have the 1985 version, which is DEVOID of patristic commentary. It also has some translation errors.

Stitchwort ~ I apologize that I did not answer your question. I plead mushbrain! :-)

I do have another New Jerusalem Bible, reader's edition I think, and while the language is more akin to the Douy-Reims, it also has translations problems, as does the study edition of the NJB, 1985 edition we got for class. But we bought it for the markings and the footnotes, for what is good about it can still be used and is quite valuable.

But I would sell my gun for a 1966 New Jerusalem Bible! (Or just beg really really hard for one!)

Hmm...maybe I should do that!

Suburbanbanshee ~ which was a trick question? Stitchworts? (And what a great couple of names!)

Stitchwort said...

Adoro, I think you've earned a bout of mushbrain! And now that the pressure is off, may it gradually dissipate. : )

Adoro said...

Stitchwort ~ Thanks...I HOPE it dissipates!

Anonymous said...

You might be a teenage theologian if you get more excited to see a bishop actually implementing Canon 915 than about the latest CD to come out that your friends love.
- a future nun

Adoro said...

A Future Nun ~ Oh, that's a good one!

Vincenzo said...

Someone at a forum wrote that this is the full 1966 Jerusalem Bible - $9.19 at the Philippine Bible Society:

http://www.bible.org.ph/store/eng-prod-22.html

Adoro said...

Vincenzo ~ Nope, that isn't it. First, it's only "The Jerusalem Bible" and I suspect it's missing 7 books.

Secondly, the proper title is "The New Jerusalem Bible", published in 1966, it's out of print, and a very rare find - and thus very expensive.

Third I have the 1985 New Jerusalem Bible, it's HUGE because of all the notes/side marks, etc, and the one pictured doesn't even come CLOSE to the size.

The person at the forum who thinks that's the 1966 New Jerusalem Bible with patristic commentary obviously is confused.

But thanks anyway! :-)