Big Bad Wolf

I'll never forget taking my first dog I adopted as an adult to an obedience class. The instructor informed us in no uncertain terms that we have taken wolves into our homes and we should expect them to be...wolves. Not human babies. As strong as the temptation is to want to "humanize" our pets, it's the worst thing we can do, because of course, they don't think the same, they don't "feel" the same, and, well...their genetic makeup is fully canine.

He was right. 

Now that I've had several dogs, both my own and fosters, come through my home, I've come more and more to understand what he was talking about. Especially now.

A couple weeks ago I took in another foster, a mix of a couple of the most beloved breeds, and things were going well - until I took him in to the groomer. His nails were terribly overgrown and he was clearly in pain so I insisted we get this taken care of as soon as possible, and certainly before a pending adoption.

Unfortunately, the grooming didn't go well. I'd warned the groomer that he was sensitive about his nails and she was ready for him. She gave him a chance, he snapped at her so she went to get the muzzle. The groomer approached him with the muzzle, didn't even touch him when, without any warning whatsoever, the dog  lunged and bit her, drawing blood.

She's fine, but the dog's future is in question. I got him into the Rescue's vet this last week to get his nails trimmed, but because of the bite risk, the appointment was nearly as traumatic for me as it was for the dog. Both the dog's placement coordinator and I were careful to caution the staff not even to approach him with a muzzle or someone would be bitten. They prepped the sedatives and took even more precautions to ensure he wouldn't bite when the needle went in. (I think he's fine with needles but when a dog has bitten the logical thing is to ensure it doesn't happen again, especially when the dog is already stressed.)

My foster had to be given drugs twice and STILL had fight in him when it came to the muzzle. He was completely out...but when the muzzle approached he leapt into action. Actually bit the Vet Tech once, forcing him to have to get the "cat gloves" and the hapless (and brave!) VT would have been totally torn up without them by the time they were finally successful.

Indeed, the dog's nails were finally clipped, and the good Veterinarian did indeed deem it to be "medically necessary", even prescribed painkillers for what may be an arthritic knee. She was able to do a good exam while he was out cold (and muzzled), and I'm thankful - because he almost bit me a couple days later when I barely and unintentionally brushed against his bad knee.

So as it goes, my foster, whom I am calling "Aslan" because he has a huge mane and, well, isn't a "tame lion, you know", has a behavioral evaluation tomorrow. All the rescues are temperament tested before they go to a foster, but when problems are identified, they get more intense scrutiny.

Life in the Balance

I grew up hearing from our Mom that if our dog ever bit anyone, she would be "put down". No question. My Mom was raised on a farm and it was unacceptable for a family pet (usually kept outdoors in their case) to bite a human being. I don't disagree with that standard. However, I have come to realize there is room to allow for hope, and that also comes from the same Christian upbringing. While Jesus did not die for animals, he did give we humans dominion over them and the ability to use reason - and training - to properly steward these creatures.

Sometimes humans do horrible things to animals and cause behaviors the animals themselves would not choose if not completely traumatized. Some of those things CAN be overcome. A dog is not a shark; the taste of blood from a bite does not automatically mean that a dog will start biting indiscriminately. They don't have interest in that; they bite for a REASON. Find the reason and perhaps they can be saved.

That is the case with this dog. I'm sure of what happened to him:  his paws and nails were never handled and were totally neglected for care. When it came time that they HAD to be done, they didn't work with him, decided to muzzle, forced the muzzle on (again without training), took him down and hacked off the talons, probably causing pretty major pain. This probably happened more than once, and NOT by professionals, but by whoever owned the dog.

His aggression triggers seem to be limited to any kind of ongoing pain, his nails, muzzle - and anything that would be painful. This is a scary thing. Right now he can't be trusted; even I won't push him if I'm not sure how he's going to react. I'm careful to watch every bit of his body language so as to avoid setting him off.

Tomorrow, I'm taking this boy to the Rescue's Behaviorist for an evaluation. My understanding is that the Behaviorist will trip "Aslan's" triggers with what we know and I guess, push the envelope in other ways as well. She will determine if we can work to desensitize him and give me instructions as to how to go about it.

Years ago I had a dog who was both fear-aggressive (nonspecific triggers) and had major separation anxiety. While it's nice to have had that experience under my belt, and while that past experience helps me to have no irrational fear about the dog in my care now, I claim no expertise. This is very much a learning experience and as this is not my dog but merely a foster, his LIFE depends upon tomorrow's meeting and what I am able to do, with the Behaviorist and the dog going forward.

So...I realize many people have had bad experiences with dogs and may have grown up just as I did, with the equation of "Bite = Death". Please let me introduce this dog to you in the way I see him every day:

"Aslan" is the perfect gentleman inside the house.  He sits on command, is completely housetrained, stays in my room at night and remains quiet even when my usually-quiet GSD barks at something.  I usually wake up to find "Aslan" lying directly next to my bed waiting to greet me. When I do arise he tries to circle and is only hindered by his girth as he's about 30 pounds overweight. (He should weigh 50 - 60 lbs max but weighs over 91 lbs).

"Aslan" has probably lost a couple pounds since he came to me, and LOVES his walks. In the beginning he struggled with the short ones but now tries to lead the way and I have to keep him from crowding and "herding" me on our regular walks. On bad days, as he has maybe a little arthritis in his knee, he lags and may sit - that's become a cue to me to take him home.  For now he's on anti-inflammatories which hopefully will help and I think already have done so!

"Aslan" defers to my GSD (as Queen Bee of this house!) and prefers the floor to the dog bed but still finds his way to the dog-designated futon when it suits him. He's directable and loveable. He loves attention, wants to be petted, knows how to "shake" and takes treats so perfectly an infant could offer it to him without a mother's moment of worry.

The other day I discovered "Aslan" likes it when I sing, but tonight, I learned his favorite song is "Lil' Red Riding Hood", Amanda Seyfried's version. The very moment I began singing he sat up, after awhile started to vocalize every time I stopped, and when I sat on the floor, still singing, he came over, laid his head in my lap, rolled over so I could rub his (considerable!) belly, and then stood only so that he could turn around and sit in my lap to be petted.

This is a wonderful dog and it breaks my heart that he has been so traumatized that his fear has driven him to draw blood from human beings. "Aslan's" nature is to be someone's buddy. He's protective, he's cuddly, and he's obedient.

And his life is in danger; not because of the Rescue or because of me, but because some people in his past have so traumatized an innocent creature to the degree that we may be unable to un-ring that particular bell.

Comparisons

There are some who think the lives of animals mean nothing, or try to compare the lives of human babies to those of animals. There is no comparison. As a Catholic, I know it is both-and. While I give far more weight to the life of a human child, that does not mean that some of us have not been called to the area of Catholic Social Teaching in the area of Stewardship for Creation. I am not a mother, I do not have children. I am Pro-Life and work professionally with religious organizations that promote the end to abortion and contraception.

But in my personal time, because I am able, I find I can help some animals, I have gifts in this area, and right now there is a life in my care. Some human beings in this dog's past put his life in danger through really horrible abuse, and all the work I do with this I offer in reparation on behalf of those who hurt him. I have hope that this dog will respond to training and hope that tomorrow's evaluation will go well. I am assured of support from the entire Rescue.


Everything I do for animals I do even more for human beings, for every service to the former is ordered to the eternal life of the latter.

And since now I know "Aslan's" favorite song, I will sing it to him as often as necessary to tame the bad wolf within him.

What is the Value of a Single Human Life?

This is a fundamental question in our society. It doesn't just touch on the huge moral (and secondarily, political) topics of abortion and euthanasia, but on something far more common:  it hits us all, every single day in every single human interaction.

I recently began re-reading a book series that was beloved to me in my youth: Lloyd Alexander's  The Chronicles of Prydain, beginning with The Book of Three.

Early on in the story, the protagonist, Taran, meets the great Warrior Prince Gwydion, his hero, and upon meeting him is both awed and disappointed. The man in person does not meet his mental image of a "hero" nor does he encourage it. He reveals his humility and wisdom when the passionate Taran suggest the two of them go against the Horned King alone.

"Then we should stop him," Taran declared. "Attack him, strike him down! Give me a sword and I will stand with you!"
"Gently, gently," chided Gwydion. "I do not say my life is worth more than another man's, but I prize it highly. Do you think a lone warrior and one Assistant Pig-Keeper dare attack the Horned King and his war band?"
Taran drew himself up. "I would not fear  him."
"No?" said Gwydion. "Then you are a fool. He is the man most to be dreaded in all Prydain..."

Ahh. What a beautiful dialogue to demonstrate the point. Here we have a lowly commoner (like most of us), and we have a Great Hero, actual royalty, even! And when the commoner wants him on a pedestal and seeks in his own pride to raise himself to the level of his hero, the humility of the hero brings him back to earth, even to the degree of calling him a "fool"!

Can you imagine such a rebuke? (Does it perhaps call to mind Jesus rebuking Peter by saying "Get behind me Satan!" or to James and John by calling them the "Sons of Thunder"?)

I couldn't move on from this passage, especially a single seemingly-insignificant line from Prince Gwydion:  "I do not say my life is worth more than another man's, but I prize it highly."

There it is. What is the value of life? Is there any such thing as one life being more valuable than another? In any give situation, who determines who should live and who should die? In any given human exchange, who is owed more respect or less respect?

Our current society is driven by hero worship. Never before in history have celebrities been such a huge force behind politics and causes. People did not used to follow mere actors, whose trade was to entertain the masses. Now, it matters not if someone is educated; it matters only that they are beautiful and popular and "in".

That is not to say that those who are "celebrities" necessarily buy into this image of themselves; I would not accuse them of valuing themselves above others, but rather, I cast the role of naive and starstruck Taran upon the American public at large.

The problem is we don't see the humility of the Prince in the story in those we as a public perceive to be our "leaders". We don't see moral fortitude (or any solid moral compass at all), and when it comes to celebrities, even the popular spokesactors haven't a leg to stand on when questioned in most cases. They are but straw idols to be cast upon the wind and torn apart by crows when the appetite suits them. They become victims of the same society that elevated them seemingly only to eventually rip them to shreds.

So let us speak directly then, of politics. Every few years it is a tidal wave of politics, a tsunami that never really goes away, but seems to regather and build for an even greater assault every four years.

I am always left scratching my head over the adulation given to certain politicians, and in contemporary society: Obama. I can't understand why he wasn't vetted and vilified as were the other candidates, and I was shocked when he was never forced to answer tough questions in previous presidential debates.  He didn't like the question he just said, "Let's move on." and they did.

I make no apology: I don't like Obama, and I have often thought, and even stated that if I were ever to meet him, I would refuse to shake his hand. His clear anti-life status, his abuse of our natural-law and Constitutional freedoms, his various methods of America-bashing in other countries, his constant prideful faux-pas in "gifts" to other Heads of State, his obvious dismay and outright attempts to crush out any legitimate criticism of himself and his policies, his attempts to crush religious freedom...all for his own power and his own glory. I despise him as a man and I am offended as what he has done to the Office of President.

And there, those last words, that's what stop me. Office. Office of President.

Many years ago I considered the Secret Service, researched it a bit and pondered for myself the role the Agents take. They agreed that they would take a bullet for the President! What a noble cause! How beautiful a way to die!

Except that ultimately, I didn't want to die for the President. I thought it would be a nice idea, but, no, no, if I was going to die for someone, I wanted to die for someone I cared about. Someone more like...me.  Someone who came from my community, lived their life and perhaps had something terrible happen to them. Someone..normal. Not someone whose life was "more valuable" than that of the average person.

I was raised to respect authority, and certainly, I do. I also learned through trial and error that respect may be owed to a particular position, but the person who holds that particular role may not be worthy of that respect; but one gives it anyway. Not for the person, but for their Office.

This is why those Secret Service Agents who protect the President can do so even if they disagree with him or even personally despise him. They do it because they defend NOT the man, but the Office. They can recognize that his life is worth no more or less than their own. What IS valuable is the office he holds, for if the Office falls, so does the country.

I have to realize, because of this, that if I ever do meet Obama and am in a position to shake his hand, I must do so, not because I respect him as a man (for I don't), but because I respect the Office of President of the United States, and it is right and just to give it and him as a human being, simple respect. I respect the fact he was created in the image and likeness of God, no matter how he has chosen to distort that image (for I am a sinner, too, and am also distorted.)

Ah! But What of Life? For Anyone? What of the Everyday?

Most of us won't meet political heavies or celebrities or royalty. Most of us just go about our lives every day and try to eke out our existence, work with people professionally and of course, simply try to keep our heads down and shoulders to the grindstone.

But if we're pressed and if we really think about it, we DO tend to give more value to certain lives than we do to others.

Think about it. In the workplace, do you treat EVERYONE with the same respect? Or do you treat the CEO with more?  How do you speak to the CEO in comparison to the IT guy locked in the basement? How to you treat your Pastor versus the Mechanic doing your brakes? How do you treat the Parish Council member versus the elderly confused lady who asks random questions and speaks about random things you know nothing about?

How many average human interactions every single day cause you to change your level of respect and interior admiration or desire for approval according to the person standing before you?

Whose life is worth more?

Is any life worth more than another?

Do the wealthy deserve more respect? Or should we not give the same respect to the poor?  To the person we dislike? To the person we like? To the person who is lost, the person who serves us in some way, the person we serve by employment or other obligation?

The issue of Life isn't to be compartmentalized; it's not just about abortion and euthanasia, but is part of our everyday lives, in every moment, every interaction.

It doesn't mean we have to like or approve of everyone. It doesn't mean we have to "respect" someone in the sense of placing them on a pedestal. What the call to value life means is this: we must hold ALL to the highest standard, we must give ALL basic human respect and it should not matter whether we are speaking the Pope, the President, the CEO, the Janitor, the Stable groom, the Housekeeper, the Pastor, the Mechanic, the Cashier, the Religious Sister, or the homeless guy on the corner. (Hint: learn his name!)

Life is life. In Genesis, we learn that blood, the symbol of Life, belongs to God alone. So it was that God Himself, through His Only Son Jesus Christ offered His blood so that we might live for eternity. Jesus gave us the example of holiness we are all to live. He did teach to respect Civic leaders, but in practice, to be like Himself.

Personalities and politics are not part of God's Kingdom; they are of the world. We are called, through Baptism to bring about the Kingdom of God in word and deed, and foundational to this is respect for all Life, and to know that every human being is willed and loved by God. It's not a matter of political action, but in how we all live our lives. It matters not if we pray outside an abortuary and then return to our regular lives and bash our neighbors and coworkers.

We have to catch ourselves when we find we are caught in the trap of valuing one life over another, and remember to find Christ in them, somewhere, recalling they, too, are known and loved.

I fall very, very short of this, every single day, and pray one day I may finally practice what I am incoherently trying to preach.


** Disclaimer:  I am not stating that the Truth should not be taught  and I am all for condemning the moral attack upon our society, namely abortion, homosexual "marriage", euthanasia, the Health Mandate, the attack upon religious freedom, etc. These things are ideas, not people. In this post I am attempting to focus on basic human discourse, no matter what our position. Every life is a gift from God and we need to treat every life we meet according to that reality, and THEN address the darkness within us that makes us into total idiots.***

Storms, Tornadoes, and Wreckage

All eyes have been on Joplin, Missouri, in the wake of the EF-4, possibly multi-vortex tornado that devastated the city.

Locally, here in Minnesota, I didn't learn of the Joplin tornado until evening because I was tied to our local news, alternating between the reports there and the sirens sounding outside my own door, knowing there was a tornado on the grounded headed in my direction.

When the warning got specific to my area, I realized this could be "it", and was relieved when the funnel that devastated north Minneapolis took another direction - away from the area where I reside. Still, for hours, I watched the ongoing reports of the tornadoes that same cell spawned over the Twin Cities area, and stood in shock when the first images of Minneapolis came to the screen.

Thankfully, there were only two reported deaths, and one came as a result of the aftermath - cleaning up right after the tornado struck.  There were many injuries, not many serious. Given the heavy population of the north Minneapolis neighborhoods that were stricken, given the number of trees that were tossed about like chaff, it's amazing there weren't more human casualties.

Still, as one police department spokesman explained, it was already a "distressed" neighborhood (economically, high crime, etc), so this storm was even more devastating in terms of long-term effects and hidden effects than anyone can understand by viewing the mere images. 

While our prayers and sympathy goes out to the residents of Joplin and their loved ones, we also have to remember those in our own vicinity as well. We have to remember those who are still trying to recover from the monster storm that took over 300 lives in several states earlier this spring. We have to respond to those who are waking up this morning to newly-leveled cities. Whever we are, there are people in need of help to recover from these storms.

 We also have to continue to watch the weather patterns and the skies here, too, because as this last weekend reminded us: no one is immune.

Remember the earthquake, tsunami, and nuclear disaster that happened in Japan a couple months ago? Up here in MN we were in the depths of what felt like the neverending winter, snowstorm after snowstorm, frigid temps, and I'd been complaining greatly, wondering somewhat rhetorically, "Why do we live here?"

Then THAT disaster struck and I realized:  we live in Minnesota because we don't have earthquakes, we don't have hurricanes, we don't have volcanoes, we don't have tsunamis. We live overall in a pretty safe place. I began to feel a little smug over that, I'm ashamed to admit.

Problem is...no place is really safe. Up here, and throughout the midwest, from north to south and back again, we have some NASTY weather. We can be bopping along one day, happy as clams in a clam-ban, when suddenly a tornado comes along and wipes an entire town off the face of the earth.

No matter where we choose to live, there are natural disasters that threaten our lives and property, and even though we have warning systems - sometimes they fail. Like they did in Minneapolis on Sunday.

As I continue to read the reports of the recent tornadoes throughout the midwest, I can't help but marvel at the lives spared. I can't understand how so many people could survive so great a disaster, and in that, I see the hand of God. Not only did His hand spare so many, but it is the same hand that beckons the rest of us to respond with compassion, with urgency, with prayer and yes, thanksgiving.

There will always be disasters, and we must always, as Christians, be prepared to respond and offer hope to those who cry out for mercy in the aftermath.

Help for the Suffering

There are many organizations working hard to fulfill the needs of people directly affected by these terrible storms - and it's only May! There will be more to come. Having a garage sale? Check your inventory and see if you have items that can be donated to the Red Cross or other organization - they need everything, from food and medical supplies to furniture like beds and dressers.

At the very least, pray. Pray for the deceased, pray for the survivors, and pray that when the next disaster strikes, you will be ready - because your house might be next.

Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner!

Meet My New Foster: Apollo!

Well, my friends, I have my new foster and suspect he won't be with me for long.

Why? Well, he's small, he's sweet, and he is meant for someone special!

Meet Apollo, who arrived in Minnesota just yesterday. Because I had to work, another volunteer met his transport and gave him a safe haven until I could take him into my custody. When I called her to let her know I was leaving work, the first thing she said was "Oh, you're going to love him!".

When we met, I got out of my car to meet the volunteer and introduce myself, thank her for taking the dog for a few hours, and then realized I was completely freaking him out with my very normal behavior; this poor dog was at the end of his leash, as far from both of us as he could get and when he stopped...he was shaking.

I immediately dropped my voice and my knee at the same time, giving him a chance to approach and sniff me while his volunteer and I discussed what we knew about him. Although I tried to reach out, he shied away from my hand, and the other volunteer showed me he did the same for her, although, she said, he'd warmed up to her considerably in only a couple hours.

People, it takes a lot of work to make a dog this fearful. And it takes a lot more work to undo that kind of damage. 

The awesome thing about dogs, though, is that they are very forgiving and these domesticated creatures are bred to love humans in spite of ourselves. So it was that he shied away but tolerated my touch, and as soon as I opened the front door in order to hit the button for the trunk for his food, he climbed inside and made himself at home on the front seat.

Thankfully he was very open to being taken out and moved to the back seat, and true to form, made himself just as comfy there and en route home, went right to sleep.

Poor lil' guy! Just yesterday he rode from his temporary foster home in Iowa all the way to Minnesota with a bunch of other dogs, went to yet another very temporary foster home, and then had to survive the chaos of being transfered and transported yet again!

Clearly, though Apollo is very mellow, and while he was also clearly very anxious, he was just fine in his temporary "kennel", that being my car, while I moved a few things inside, leashed my dog and went back out to him in order to bring him around for as proper an introduction I could manage given the circumstances.

When I first entered the house, my German Shepherd had known something was up - her johnny-on-the-spot nose was pressed right up against my clothing, getting to know the new dog. So it was, when I opened the door to let her out, she wasn't surprised but ,being her, was still a bit overbearing. Apollo clearly wanted to be in a corner somewhere.

Instead, we went for a short walk so my dog could go potty and they could get to know each other...and hopefully he would go potty, too.

They both did, but of course I had to pull my GSD's head away from the stream. *ahem*

When we returned, I immediately introduced Apollo to the kennel and he dove right inside, with great doggy gratitude, and curled up in a corner. I left his leash on, certain that if I tried to remove it I'd never be able to coax him out again.

In the meantime I prepared their respective bowls, and served him his dinner in the kennel. I gotta admit: I have no idea how much to feed this little guy and I'll tell you why:  We all thought he was a Greyhound mix, but as it turns out, he's far too small, so we now think he's a Whippet mix. That doesn't help figure his food, though, because, like Greyhounds, Whippets have a high metabolism so they must be fed MORE than other breeds of the same weight. The problem is further complicated by the fact that Apollo is still a bit underweight, even for Whippet constitution.

Happily, he was hungry and ate what I gave him, although he wouldn't approach the water bowl. I should have remembered to give him water mixed with his food!

During the evening, he remained in the kennel with the door open, venturing out occasionally for a little attention when offered, then promptly returned and curled up.

He's a very very frightened little dog, and I knew he was also very tired from his long confusing day. Because of this, I decided to let him stay where he was and I slept on the couch nearby so that he'd both get used to my presence and would hopefully not get too lonely. (I have done this with all my dogs, both adopted and fostered and find it useful in many respects to identify behavior problems and of course, to acclimate them.)

Good Morning!

Apollo didn't make a peep all night, and in fact, when I got up at 6 or so (on my day off!), as soon as I let him out of the kennel he was a bundle of shaking, wagging, happy joy waiting for me at the door in hopes of going out!

Unfortunately, we were in the middle of a thunderstorm and although my German Shepherd didn't care, Apollo wasn't thrilled. He still cooperated with being walked around the yard, but was not interested in doing anything other than returning indoors.

Yup. Whippet.

I'm still trying to get a sense of him and he has indeed warmed up to me very quickly. He seems to be house trained and obviously kennel-trained.

At the same time, things common to most dogs are objects of curiosity for him. This morning on our walk (when the rain had stopped) we had to pause so he could watch the Canadian Geese strut through the park. Then, at another point, we had to take a break so he could study the flapping American flag far over his head.

He's curious, he's taking everything in and therefore clearly intelligent as his first response to new things tends to be to stop and LOOK at it, really LOOK and see what it is. All he asks is that we stop long enough for him to do so.

Nope. This little guy doesn't miss a thing.

Good Afternoon Mr. Mix! 

This afternoon we watched a movie and he'd been cuddled against me, but couldn't help but react to the dog sounds, and then when people got to be loud and shouting, he stood up and ran around, looking for the source of those voices. In part, he was certain I was doing it, but after a bit he understood that I was not shouting, nor was anyone in the house.  Movies remain a mystery to him, but not such much that he couldn't return to the couch, curl up, and have a nice nap.

The unfortunate thing about living in a townhome without a private fenced yard is this: there are other people and dogs around, and many people don't consider it important to supervise and leash their own dogs.

I took Apollo out to try to go potty, which he seems to have a hard time doing in the yard. I suspect he's been allowed to run freely and doesn't understand about going pee at the end of a leash. He does on a longer walk just fine, but the reality of a dog's life is this: sometimes they have to do business within a structured area without the benefit of a long wonderful walk.

Well, in the meantime, other people were around and tried to approach. I warned them off especially seeing his reaction at their approach: he was shaking like a leaf in a hurricane! When my dog, unleashed, approached to invite him to play, he hid behind me, terrified.

Then my neighbor, clearly understanding the situation and staying back, saw that another neighbor had let their dogs out..unleashed and unsupervised. She spoke a warning to me, her own voice low so as not to startle my little charge.

Of course the unleashed dogs approached and poor Apollo cowered, shaking, terrified. I yelled (well, raised my voice a little) to the unseen neighbor to come leash their dogs. She came out, saw what was happening and came towards us, apologizing. Her dogs were fine, not aggressive, so I just explained the fear of my little foster dog, which she could see. Although I didn't prefer it, she approached and petted him trying to make amends. He was obviously fearful but, having nowhere to go, accepted her touch. This may turn out to be a good thing in the end.

I thanked her for coming to get her dogs while I held mine and brought them in.

What is he?

Lemme tell you this: doesn't matter what he is: he won't be with me for long!

When I first saw his picture online, it said Apollo was a Greyhound mix.

"Great!" I said. I know Greyhounds. My older readers will remember my Greyhound, Fire, and his story of osteocarcoma (bone cancer) and the resulting end of his life.

So it was that I saw Apollo on MARS web page, and that grey-lover in me, knowing them as the specialty breed they are, had to step forward and offer my home once again.

Well, Apollo isn't a Greyhound, but he has some of the characteristics. What is less visible but more a part of his personality, though, is not his Whippet-ness, but the part of him that is part of his mix.

You see the pictures, so let's talk about the elephant in the room:  I believe Apollo is a Whippet-Pitbull mix.

What does that mean?

You've seen the media drama, you all have stories about "Pit-bulls".  So do I.

Really, there's no such animal as a "Pitbull" or "Pit-Bull".

Rather, there are about three breeds that are commonly CALLED "Pitbulls", and they share characteristics, but you need to know that there is no such thing. There is such thing as some poorly-bred dogs, of any breed and most particularly a certain three, that are making the name for a certain profile...and what you see in popular media, as usual, is not accurate.

This dog, Apollo could be either Whippet-"Pit" or Whippet-Boxer or Whippet-Bulldog. He is small, has a skinny little body and a large bully-type head with big brown eyes and at the other end of his brindle body, a white-tipped tail ready to wag for anyone willing to love him. Even though he is fearful, he is looking to his humans for protection, eager to cuddle up, eager to cooperate. I'm not sure I've ever met a dog easier to love than this one. He's a canine kewpie-doll.

Apollo exemplifies the best of his breed mix, and that's why he won't be with me for long. He is sweet, eager to please, interested in his surroundings, and although fearful, is not aggressive. Several years ago I adopted a dog that started out fearful and quickly revealed his aggressive nature: this does not exist in Apollo. His fear is one that can be quickly tamed by simple everyday treatment. Be gentle, be quiet, be patient. Let him reveal himself.

He's a family dog, and while I've never heard him bark, I believe he will be loyal, protective (not aggressive), and loving. He would rather flee than bite the hand that feeds him. Incidentally, the only sound that has come out of him thus far was a tiny little snore as he rested in my lap while I sipped my coffee during the morning news.

Apollo needs a special person, and belongs to a special person who has not yet been identified. With him I broke a cardinal rule: not to let foster dogs climb on my furniture, for I don't know what his future owner will allow. This dog isn't a German Shepherd or other working breed...he's a lapdog.

So! That rule has been withheld for now. He needs to be curled up on the couch or bed, because he is small and because he is seeking love and companionship that is not likely to come down to him on the floor.  This is a dog meant for someone who loves to read or watch movies with a cuddly living teddy bear of a canine.

What do we call him?

Last night when I picked him up, although I knew his name was "Apollo", when the other volunteer said his name, I could have sworn she had said "Paolo", the Italian version of "Paul".  He could also be called "Palito", "Little Paul".  Or even Paco! (Seriously, though, he's a "Paolo". Meet him and tell me different!)

I can't help it: I think that if he were my dog, I'd call him "Paolo". Either way, he responds to "Apollo" (Paolo not being a huge leap in sound), and his personality may well reveal other good names.

His breed mix, though, I have to say, offers a few suggestions should he become a prototype for the AKC.

If he's a Pitbull-Whippet, would that make him a "Bullwhip"?  Or maybe a "Whip-or-Bull"? (Say it fast - whiporwill!)

Probably doesn't matter. This lil' guy is a lover and I'm already sad because I know he won't be with me for very long. Give me some time, though, ok? I want to work with him, socialize him, and see if maybe he will stop shaking at every approach of a strange person or dog.

But if you REALLY think you need him now...shoot me an email and I'll send you on to the people that matter, and then Apollo (Paolo!) might be yours.  :-)

What Would You Do About It?

Today is the March for Life in Washington, DC, and you know...I haven't seen a single secular, mainstream news report on it.

That's fine; we will not be silent and those who MUST be reached, WILL be reached: even we who have already been reached and are already horrified by the blood of infant sacrifice.

Just as this morning while scanning blog post titles, I came across this gem from Michelle at Rosetta Stone.

Here's an excerpt:

Suppose we found out that the town, or the state, had decided that raping women on that particular street corner was legal. We would probably be outraged that such a despicable crime were permitted under any conditions anywhere. Some of us might fight to abolish that law. Some of us might stand vigil on that street to warn women. Some who stand vigil might see women being dragged there by men who want to rape them and know they can legally do it only on that corner. Some standing vigil might be roused to violence in defense of the woman about to be victimized.


Suppose, despite all these efforts, the act remained legal on that corner and in other parts of the country. Suppose after a decade, hundreds or thousands of women were being raped every day, legally. How would we, as a society, cope with that?


Would the outrage remain? Would we get tired of trying to protect women? Would we stop the daily vigil and only show up on days that weren't quite as hectic (no soccer practice today, guess I have time to go rage against the violence)?


Would we have less horror of the act of rape? After a decade of being told that rape was OK, under certain circumstances, would youth brought up in that environment think rape is a big deal at all? Would we begin to justify it, perhaps thinking that the women deserved it?

Michelle's post is well worth reading and considering, and is much better than anything I can write on this subject.  So, my friends, please, go and read the rest.

Oh, and don't just leave it at reading. Let her words, let the reality of the situation inspire you into action.

How to Study Social Ethics and Write a Paper

Some of you may remember last winter's treatise on How to Study Theology.

Well, I'm back with a lesson today on how to study Social Ethics and write a paper.

1.  Gather your study materials, turn off tv, radio, ipod, etc.  Make sure you have good lighting, working pens, hi lighters, and tabs to mark the pages.

2. If you haven't already, complete the reading to familiarize yourself with the subject material for your paper.

3. Get out your notebook and begin taking notes or making your outline regarding the subject. You may have to complete this portion before you can actually begin the paper as you will need to write an opening paragraph identifying what you will be covering and the conclusion you have drawn.

4. Make note of main points and any quotes you plan to use so that you can identify the source at that time without wasting time searching for it again.

5. Look up at the dog lying on the rug, and notice that she is shedding. Surmise that it must be very itchy and uncomfortable for her.

6. Find your favorite grooming tool and spend some time carefully working on removing the shedding hair and maybe even matts that you've neglected. Comfort the dog and apologize when you pull a bit too hard and she jumps.

7.  When one side is completed, ask if she wants a biscuit and provide said biscuit promptly so that she will know that grooming is a good experience, even if it is contrary to her actual lived experience.

8.  In the kitchen, notice the click of dog nails on the Pergo flooring. Realize that she needs to have her nails clipped. As you're already distracted, go ahead and get the nail clippers and the REALLY GOOD treats as it's not a favorite task for either of you.

9. When finished clipping, put the treats away and sweep the floor.

10. Take the dog outside to go potty.

11. As it's a nice day, go for a walk and ponder what you've learned in your studies. Mentally turn over the different points you intend to cover and consider slightly restructuring your paper.

12.  Return home, put the dog's leash away, return to your desk.

13. Realize that you are thirsty after your walk and that you need some water. Go to the kitchen for water, and give the dog fresh water, too.

14.  Return to your desk, glance at your totally illegible notes, grab your sources, and connect to the internet.

15.  Begin writing blog post about how to study Social Ethics.

Souls in the Balance

In studying Pastoral Theology, many things are coming together and while reading for class over the weekend and this week, my brain was coming up with a plan for Adult Outreach. My boss was supportive of the idea and asked me to pitch it to a group within the parish where we work.

So I did, KNOWING it wouldn't be well received. Why?  Because we as Catholics suck at evangelization. We only want to do what's comfortable, bring people to us and keep all we do within the Church walls. If we have groups that find a couple new members over the course of the year, we think we are "successful" in evangelization.

Um...no. We're doing dismally. 

How do we know?  Because most Catholics aren't coming to Mass, even those on the parish registry.  They may be bringing their kids to a church event, but they're dumping them off and picking them up, never leaving the car. If they are required to get out of the car, they moan and grumble and are very put-upon and make sure the staff at that parish knows about it. When asked if they'll be at next Sunday's Mass because of a special event afterward, they hem and haw and say, "We'll be out of town" which often means, "We think hockey/baseball/football/dance/etc  is more important than God but know that's not an acceptable answer so we'll just fudge the answer."

And then down the road they become frustrated because their children grow up and leave the Faith, and they become angry at the Church because they "paid all this money to send them to Catholic School/ Religious education classes".  Yet they refuse their own responsibility, because, quite literally, in too many cases, NO ONE told them they HAD a responsibility to raise their OWN children in the Faith. They are honestly confused.

Even the families that are the most involved at many parishes don't see Mass attendance as important or necessary.  They are not evangelized. They have been told that "doing" is better than "being" and they have eaten up the gospel of lateral theology with aplomb...but they are spiritually starving.  No wonder our schools and parishes are dying.

We need to get to work, people.

There's still an even BIGGER problem, though: 

Among us, in our neighborhoods, in our jobs, everywhere...there are Catholics who aren't practicing ANY religion at all. Nothing. They would go to Mass if someone would invite them, but they feel disconnected (which they are) and out of fear or some other reason, they won't return on their own. I believe the statistics show that 40% of these disconnected Catholics are just waiting for a personal invitation.

So we are working on developing plans to reach these people, these very unknown people who want to be known...and we are deprived for not knowing them.

Well, of course, my plan was not well received, and it was discouraging to say the least. People, instead of looking for what is good and building that up, have a tendency to tear down everything they themselves wouldn't want to do, and have an even further tendency to look to every reason NOT to do something.  In essence, when we pitch an idea to reach out to the disconnected and bring them back, they say, "Why do we want to do THAT?"

Uh...because the Church, is One, Holy, Catholic and Apostolic - and that makes it missionary in nature. If what we do in our parishes to be formed doesn't carry beyond the walls, we have FAILED in our Mission. And my friends....we are sadly, sadly failing in our mission.

We can't blame the Bishops. We can't blame the Priests.  Can they share in the blame?  Sure, but not without we the laity pointing the majority of fingers at ourselves.  This is a very educated age. There are a LOT of knowledgeable Catholics who are all too satisfied to just "be formed" and embrace Bible studies and the like, which is wonderful. But...they need to look beyond. What is the point of knowing every detail about the Bible and attending every study....but never sharing that knowledge with others?

The fact is this:  our Faith isn't truly possessed until it is given away. Our knowledge is for naught if it is not given away. Our Catholicism isn't really possessed if it only remains in the walls of our parish or home.  If it isn't lived in the public square, it isn't Catholic.

The more I study, the more I see in the real life of Catholics from every walk of life and every level of faith, the more I see this. The more I realize that WE are failing, and that WE, the laity are at fault for not doing our jobs.

It starts with me. It starts with you.

Don't be afraid to be Catholic. Be afraid NOT to be...because that's where souls hang in the balance.

That is our Lenten thought for the day. Christ did not die a horrible death on the Cross so that we could be comfortable. Who, around you, is hanging in the balance? Go get them!

Holy Family

Today is the Feast of the Holy Family, and we hear about finding Christ in the temple, we hear that He went home and was obedient to his parents, Mary and Joseph. It is the beginning of the hidden life of the Holy Family, and during the homily we usually we hear about the importance of family in our society.

Indeed, this Feast falls immediately after Christmas for good reason, and isn't it even more meaningful in this time  when we are spending extra time with our own families?  Especially given the fact that the experience isn't usually, well...very idyllic?  It is important for us to recognize that the Holy Family suffered hardships as well.

I have to ask, though:   while we consider our biological families, have we given any thought to our spiritual family? More specifically, have we given any thought or prayer to our spiritual fathers, both those who bring us to Christ and bring Christ to us, and those who SHOULD be doing so but are under lock and key living a persecution many refuse to acknowledge?

Today, I bring you an important article from Charlene C. Duline, published in, of all places, the National Catholic Reporter in 2007:

Throwaway priests


Dishonored and disgraced for their crimes, fallen priests deserve our sympathy


By CHARLENE C. DULINE


Does the Catholic Church remember its fallen priests, the priests who molested children and are now serving time in prisons? Who among us has asked for blessings for them as they serve their time behind bars? The hands that once consecrated the host that became the body of Christ now reek of ammonia from cleaning toilets.


Amid the flurry of accusations, trials, more accusations, payoffs, and dioceses declaring bankruptcy, I began to wonder about the treatment of priests in prison. I wondered how their fellow inmates treated them. Were they revered as men of the cloth or debased as child molesters? 

To abuse a child is a horrific act. I know because I was an abused child. Some might find it astonishing that I, the victim of such abuse many years ago, could feel sorry for these fallen priests. Despite the desire for revenge that still burns deep in my heart, something in me wanted to reach out to these men who had served God despite their failings. I wondered if our church ministered to them in any form.


Through the Internet I was able to get information on the accused priests, their sentences and where they were serving their time. I wrote to some of them. I also posted my desire to hear from them on Web sites sympathetic to the defrocked men. Some of their responses astounded me. They all asked to remain anonymous. Most of the priests I heard from indicated that they had no access to Catholic chaplains or materials, including retirement monies they thought they had a right to. It seems that the church that once embraced them and covered up their crimes has abandoned them. They have been defrocked or laicized and are now treated as pariahs. Their situation in prison is not pleasant.


One priest, now 79 years old, wrote, “Mistreatment by the young inmates is continually horrendous. Insults, curses, spitting and assaults are daily. From one attack I received 42 bruises.”


During the 11 years this priest has been in prison, several close family members, including his mother, have died. Other family members do not communicate with him because he “embarrassed the family.” He believes that he will die a lonely death in prison. He’s probably right.

Read the rest.

Whether they are guilty or innocent, whether they have been dispensed or not, they remain our spiritual fathers, a part of our family. Neither we nor they can undo what God has done. Canonical privileges can be removed, but the indelible mark upon their souls cannot be undone.

I, for one, am grateful for our spiritual fathers, and while I do not condone or support criminal activity, I also abhor how these men have been treated. Having worked with sex offenders in an adolescent treatment facility years ago, I can testify that those kids and even their own abusers have been treated far better than the Church, the Mother of Mercy, has treated her beloved but disgraced Sons. It's absolutely scandalous.

Are we a Church of mercy or are we not? 

The point is not that we deny what has been done and  most certainly we do not deny the reality suffered by the victims.  What we are saying is that justice has its place, and without forgiveness, justice is not done in ANY corner.  There is no mercy without justice, and there is no justice if it is not tempered by mercy.

Yet when we look at imprisoned priests, we see that there is no mercy for them; not from us, their family, not from anyone.

What of the Innocent Priests, Unjustly Imprisoned without their right to Due Process both through our legal system AND through the Church?  

We know of those cases, such as that of Fr. Gordon MacRae, unjustly imprisoned, suffering a purgatory for sins he did not commit, offering those days for we who live in freedom, which we so often take as a "right" to live in ways that are a direct affront to God Himself.

What a disgrace!

Sadly, we don't, in our time, seem to know the first thing about family. We first deny the need for it, we do all we can politically to disrupt it (same-sex "marriage", contraception, abortion, divorce, etc.), and we do all we can to disgrace it.  So it comes as no surprise that we treat our spiritual family with even less regard, especially our spiritual fathers, many of whom are rotting away, forgotten, perhaps forgiven by God but shunned by the rest of us.

Forgiveness does not mean acceptance of sin, it does not mean endorsement of illegal activity. But it DOES require charity, it DOES require remembering that we are all in need of forgiveness, that each life is willed by God, and loved by God.  Those we shun are STILL loved by God, and when they are left in desolation, it is WE who sin...not they.

Today, as we celebrate the Holy Family, recall to mind not just your own family, but your spiritual family, the entire Mystical Body of Christ and most especially those who have been willfully forgotten, willfully shunned, willfully ignored.

My prayers today go out to all priests and religious, throughout the world, who are imprisoned for any reason,  justly or unjustly. They, like we all, are children of God, willed by God, loved by God....and forgotten by the rest of us.

Please join your prayers with mine.

Right now, in this moment, as I write this, Fr. MacRae is offering Mass from his prison cell. If you read this, please unite yourself spiritually to Our Lord in the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass, and remember whose hands bring Heaven and Earth together in this moment.

In this moment, the Suffering Church, the Church Militant, is united with the Church Triumphant....

Forgiveness and Acceptance

Fr. Gordon MacRae, has written again from his unjust imprisonment, and I found myself in tears as I read of his friend Joseph, a man looking for redemption and forgiveness but certain his past has condemned him completely.

Oh, can I ever relate!

Please read his post in its entirety, but know that I focus this post and my own comment to him on the first part, directing it towards the subject of Joseph. Here is what I said in response:

Father,

The first part of this post was really the one that got to me the most, because it’s a problem I have, too. I have a past. Maybe it doesn’t involve guns and violence, but constantly I’m amazed that anyone who knows what I used to be would ever want to know me now. I have a couple friends who are priests, and they know my history, at least by my allusions to it. And still…they WANT to be my friend. It nearly scandalizes me.

Father if I sat down in front of you right now and told you my history, my past, and even my present, I would look at you in the same way as your friend Joseph; I’d be looking askance, looking for that same horror, wondering when you would shut the door on me. I really admire Joseph, for it seems he had the courage I don’t. I’ve never gone to my friends for Confession; what they know they learned outside of the Sacrament.

Yet I’ve never had the courage to ask them what I wonder so deeply: “Why do you want to be my friend?”. Most people I know don’t know the depths to which I’ve descended, and I am sure that if some of them, family especially, did know…I’d be cut off forever.

While in this comment I referred specifically to my priest friends, I did that given the venue, but in honesty have to say I wonder about my other non-clergy friends as well.  How could they WANT to be friends with me, given what they know about my past? About who I am now?  I am not now without sin, and in fact, there are some sins that even now force me to frequent Confession as I try to overcome them. Sins that might be shocking to some, but seem like mere gnats to another.

I don't want to read of the combox commentary on God's mercy...I know all about it.

In fact, I can lecture on it and I HAVE.

Please,  I am asking all of you, my readers,  to look into YOURSELVES and your own nakedness in your sin and recognize that YOU, too, know the same shame.

 I'm talking about the raw human reality that ALL of us experience, something platitudes cannot cover, cannot stop, cannot deny...that raw reality that when we are stripped down naked before God, we know we have sinned, we know what we deserve, and it's NATURAL to cringe in our concupiscence.

It is FITTING!

We all cringe in knowledge of our sin. We all fear rejection of others BECAUSE of our sin. As a priest I know (not a friend, just a lecturer I heard) observed, "People don't want to be known in their sin."

He was right. Yet...through different venues, in person, blogging, via email, my sin is known to my friends, and still, they are my friends. They WANT to be my friends, and looking at them in the same way, had they confessed the same things...it wouldn't affect my love for THEM.

We all struggle with this.  We all ask for forgiveness, and we all need acceptance. And yet, when the latter happens...if we say we don't question it, we are lying.

My hope is that Fr. MacRae can convey this to his fellow prisoners, so that they will know they are not alone in the sense that they have a past that is known...but doesn't define them. That God's mercy is infinite, that they CAN change, and that they will not forever be judged according to what they have done in the past.

It is possible to be a New Creation, through God's Grace. It is possible to move on. It is possible to experience God's mercy expressed through the friendship of those who know us...who we were, who we are...and who we may be one day.

Myself...I pray for the grace to accept that reality, for I continue to cringe in shame, much like Joseph, Fr. MacRae's friend, who expects to see an expression of horror only to look up and recognize the significance of  friendship and mercy.

God grant me the humility to accept that same mercy. Amen.
*

SNAP Judgments

I refuse to link to them, but everyone knows who SNAP is and the fact they are an enemy of the Church operating under a facade of "good intention".

Let it be known that anyone who responds to any criticism of SNAP or like groups with absolute disgust should not be the targets of such judgmental and irrational questions/accusations such as:

* "You must never have been sexually abused!"

* "You are denying the fact that priests sexually abused people!"

..among other stupid, irrational absurdities. Those very challenges are so ridiculous and offensive it's impossible to respond, and actually...doesn't DESERVE a response. Seriously, why does someone have to have been sexually abused in order to understand that it's a horrible, horrible soul-and-life-destroying evil? And how does legitimate criticism of an anti-Catholic organization that claims to be "Catholic" translate into denial that the abuse ever occurred?

(As an aside, that's exactly the type of emotionally-based "argument" I expect from dissidents, i.e. SNAP members if we start the AOTM club, and I am quite amused at the idea of someone trying to defend such a position against actual facts and figures and rationality.)

If you need a quick synopsis on this group, and a starting point for your research into them, this has a nice summary: Twilight of the Scandal.

You may also be interested in reading the legal case history about Fr. Gordon MacRae, written by a journalist not associated with the Church, and you may be especially interested in his treatment by SNAP which obviously has no interest in Truth, only money and power. Further information for research into Fr. Gordon MacRae and the lack of due process for accused priests can be found here.

If you support SNAP, stop your donations NOW for I would suggest continuing to donate to them is not only scandalous, but may well be a mortal sin. (Actually scandal and mortal sin go hand in hand.) But that's between you and your confessor. Remember that mortal sin consists of the following:

1. The issue is an objectively grave matter

2. It is done with full knowledge

3. It is done with complete consent.

Let's analyze:

* We know this is a very grave matter. Ignoring and falsely imprisoning priests because it's the popular thing to do, and doing it for money and power is objectively, a very very grave sin. Being involved in a group that is doing such a thing is akin to direct participation, which is also a grave sin. (It's like donating to Planned Parenthood)

* You have been provided with the info and you now have full knowledge, and if you chose NOT to click on the links provided above, you are even MORE culpable because you are REJECTING Truth outright.

* By continuing to support a group that would do such things with complete consent...just sealed the deal, and not in a good way.

Mercy!

It's a dang good thing Christ left us with the Sacrament of Confession, isn't it? As long as we realize what we've done, that we're truly sorry, and desire to amend our lives and not repeat that sin, well....all of the above can be, in a sense, undone. But if you're a member of SNAP you might have to make reparation in another way, such as sacrificing and doing penance for the priests wrongly imprisoned because of YOUR support.

As far as those nasty creatures who engaged in any kind of sexual abuse...let them be punished by the law just as it applies to every other lay person accused of the same crimes.

Their punishment should not be worse or privileged in any way. THE SAME.

On the spiritual end, vengeance belongs to God alone and no doubt He will repay...whether in this life or the next. It's STILL our job, and the very direct teaching of Jesus Christ to forgive and pray for those who have sinned, no matter how much they have hurt us or what sins they have committed.

I suggest maybe we have a day of prayer, penance, and reparation for members of SNAP and like organizations. And the same for priests who have abused and are guilty. Both have equal need for God's mercy, for both have done nothing but victimize others and lead souls astray.

The difference between SNAP and a priest brought to legal justice for legitimate crimes is this: SNAP is running unchecked and continuing to destroy souls, both that of others and their own.

Personally, I'd like to see justice across the board, and am realizing that since there is no justice in this world, it's going to happen for some in the next.

Let's all offer Divine Mercy prayers, sincerely, for all the souls that have done damage to the Church and to our unity FROM THE VERY BEGINNING!

Prayers for Reparation

Given this is the octave of the Feast of All Souls, and tomorrow is a First Friday, Saturday a First Saturday, let us remember especially those souls who have hurt the Church...and pray for their release from Purgatory. Let us do THEIR PENANCE. Let us obtain every indulgence for them.

This is a grace-filled month especially offered for the Holy Souls in Purgatory. In turn, I'm sure the Holy Souls will pray for our intentions, that being the conversion of souls here on earth, especially those actively involved in their futile attempts to destroy the Church, within which they are only destroying themselves. Pray for them.

Let us be done with snap judgments and instead, turn to prayer especially for those who are willing to convict and condemn before they are willing to pray and offer mercy.

That means I'm asking you to pray for me, as well. Thank you.

*

Spiritual Battle

I just finished watching "The Exorcism of Emily Rose".

This movie wasn't what I expected. I've had my own history involving the occult, involving evil. I have written of my own outright faceoff with Satan himself, although I've kept many of these battles to myself.

I have often though that if I revealed them, others would think me crazy. I did once tell me story to a Theology on Tap group, and had the distinct sense that the priest present thought I was nuts. Around that same time, I told that story to a priest at my parish, and his response was, "I believe that YOU believe it was real..."

I couldn't convince him that the reality of evil wasn't fiction or my subjective experience, but REAL, although what I experienced was beyond the norm, only because I willingly and willfully placed myself in that spot.

That conversation with that priest however, has made me more reluctant to speak to others of what I lived. The story is met with incredulity, and here I am, unscathed...who am I to speak of such evil, yet not have the scars to prove it?

Scars aren't always physical. And I wonder from time to time...are they really scars, or does the invitation that took place then go on now as oppression?

I sometimes wake up at night, terrified, my hair on end, having no memory of a dream, only a recognition of the need to flee or to fight an enemy I usually can't see..but at times....I have seen.

My imagination can't conjure such images, and I've never seen them in movies, for neither can the worst of the horror writers describe what was come at me in the darkness and solitude of night. Nor can anyone prove or disprove some of the marks they have left upon me.

Do not take this to mean that I believe myself possessed...I don't. I am certain that I am NOT possessed, although I do believe it possible that I am oppressed by the Enemy...through my own invitation.

That is a different matter. We all open that door, and to different results. Only God knows why and when and what.

Prison

This movie, though, The Exorcism of Emily Rose, did not make me mostly see my own experience, but something larger. I already believe in this evil; I wasn't shocked by her life, suffering, and death. I wasn't shocked by her choice. I wasn't shocked by Father's choice. For once you see...you can't unsee. You have to make a decision, and when it goes that far, that decision leaves no room to waver.

The world saw it as a decision for death. In reality, it was a decision for life and eternity.

I watched the scenes in prison where the Attorney, Ms. Bruner met with Fr. Moore as he laid in his prison cell, hands behind his head. He was already resigned to his fate and in so doing, was very direct with his potential attorney.

It brought to my mind an image of Fr. MacRae, lying in his own cell, clad in orange instead of clerics, revealing his own mistrust and disdain of the very same legal system.

I looked at the cement stone walls of his cell, comparing them with those of Emily Rose in her dorm, and the walls I remember when I fought my own first recognizable battle with Satan.

In Emily Rose, I saw Fr. MacRae himself, and every priest he represents, those crucified without proper trial, those attacked by the enemy without jury, imprisoned...but no justice.

Suffering for Christ means there will never be any retribution, for those who accept that cross take that retribution to themselves and live it in every bloody step, every choking breath, every faltering heartbeat.

It hit me then: Fr. MacRae is not imprisoned because of any political climate, but because of the sprititual one. We as the Catholic Church in America, are under serious spiritual attack, and our attitude of secularism has massively undermined our defense.

Because of the 1% (less, actually) of offending priests, 100% are judged as being untrustworthy. Because the secular and even "Catholic" press spends so much time attacking the priesthood, very few "Catholics" know who to believe in this world of increasing incredulity. Because so few actually faithful Catholics are praying, the attack is that much greater, and because so many Catholic are killing their unborn children through contraception and abortion...there are fewer souls to pray.

We ARE the remnant. Look around you. How many who attend your parish are actually INVOLVED in some way, and by that, I don't mean "doing stuff."

I mean...interiorly. How many people around you who CLAIM to be Catholic are even living the basic tenants? Do they attend Mass every Sunday, or do they consider it to be "optional"? How long has it been since they've been to Confession? YEARS? Do they receive the Sacrament of Holy Communion once or twice per year meeting that tenant...but failing to actually consider whether they SHOULD given that it's been YEARS since their last Confession and by the way they live their lives they make it very clear that they should NOT be receiving?

How many professed Catholics actually live what they say the believe, how many can actually articulate the faith they claim to follow and uphold?

Not many, I'm afraid. Poll an average parish. The average person claiming to be Catholic in an anti-Catholic culture such as ours could NEVER be convicted of the crime of meeting even the minimal tenants of our belief, and they would CERTAINLY never step up and be willing to DIE for those beliefs.

Are You Willing to Die for Your Faith?

Most of us (my readers), most of you, would say YES! but your actions would betray you. Mine do every day. I'm asked to make a choice and I do so for comfort and convenience, not for obedience and faithfulness.

If any of us say otherwise, we are lying.

We need Grace in order to make our intentions real. On our own, we are nothing but betrayers.

It Becomes Obvious

...then, that there are those who are truly giving of themselves, whether they ever wanted to be so or not. I look at Emily Rose, and I look at Fr. MacRae, and I see the same prison walls, I see the cinderblock dorm walls, and I realize the battle is the same although it takes place in different venues.

Our country is under attack, our Church is under attack, and most of us claiming the title of "Catholic" are asleep at the switch. We don't care, we don't notice, and most of us don't have even the remotest idea of what is going on in the Church today.

How can we pray for and defend Fr. MacRae if we don't even know we are called to be Holy?

How can we know that Fr. MacRae and those like him are not alone in their false imprisonment if we don't even realize our OWN imprisonment to sin?

How can we be credible witnesses to the power of the Enemy if we can't be bothered to even TRY to live in a state of Grace?

Our Battle is Spiritual before it is Civil; and in our current culture it is lost before it can even be tried before a jury.

Much has to be done. We need to wake up, enter the battle, recognize the Enemy and know that our greatest warriors, our priests, have been hobbled and with our outright permission and support.

The 3:00 Hour

In the Exorcism of Emily Rose, Father Moore speaks of the 3:00 hour as being the "witching" hour, the hour that mocks Our Lord who died on the Cross, and the power of prayer of the faithful in honor of His life and death, the Hour of Mercy in that same hour.

I was made aware of my own failings in prayer as I often wake up at that time. Even I, who have sat across from the Adversary, have chosen to fall asleep rather than to pray!

As Catholics, our battle is not political, but spiritual, but too many have forgotten the spiritual side. We have been lost to popular culture, we have become ashamed of our beliefs, and in so doing, have left them open to superstition and ridicule.

We have no one to blame but ourselves.

The victims, the current manifestation of Christ in His Passion, can be found in our own neighborhood prisons; Priests wrongfully accused and convicted on heresay alone, abandoned by their own brothers, by their own Fathers, the Bishops.

Let us help those who are rotting away in the American prison system know that they are not unforgotten carcasses of a fallen Catholic world, but truly the spark that ignites the real life of the Faithful.

As Catholics, we know the value of sacrifice, and we know that sacrifice means something beyond what we can see. Let us in turn see the reality of those who suffer for us in ways that we cannot. Let us help those who suffer for Truth know that they are not alone in their suffering, so that they will both have the strength to persevere and to CHOOSE to offer their suffering in union with Our Lord who offered all...for we who deserve less than nothing.

The Battle we face is not political, but spiritual, and it's happening where most of the world is unwilling to see...are WE willing to look? Are we willing to partake? If we partake of the Sacrament, we agree to spend ourselves beyond the surface, seeking the darkness where the real redemptive suffering takes place.

Emily Rose knew this, and Fr. MacRae awaits solidarity for he lives it now.....

Are you willing to enter this battle or will you turn away and reject the face of Our Lord imprisoned?

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Indignity of Prison

Fr. MacRae has a new post today discussing the reality of his life in prison. The images he describes are quite vivid to me, having walked through a few prisons as a student, having made arrests in my career, in transporting prisoners to local jails, etc.

For awhile, I considered a career as a Corrections Officer, but found it really didn't appeal to me; I never pursued it, and I'm glad for that.

Even though I've read accounts of prisoners about prison life, and I know what it's like, at least to some degree, to stand on the other side, one of the striking things about Fr. MacRae's post is the incredible depersonalization that takes place on both sides...because it must.

Most people walking around today have never had that sense of guard-prisoner, which changes the dynamic of any kind of interpersonal relationship. From the side I was on, I realized that x person was now under my authority, and a great deal of ethics had to come along with that. Yet, one can sense a subtle change, and although I didn't recognize it at the time, there was a certain amount of depersonalization that took place. As I did not work in a prison though, I truly only have the slightest grasp of this reality, and can, at best, only muse about it.

Fr. MacRae describes this well, though, from the viewpoint of being a prisoner, so far removed from the respect he deserves with his clerical status which is NOT recognized in prison. Unwittingly, even in his own words, he depersonalizes the guards, for in being treated like one of the cattle, how could he see the guards that escorted him in chains as anything other than impersonal "handlers", for truly, that is what they were?

I do not quote his post on this page as I think it best for you to go and read it for yourself.

Please pray for Fr. MacRae and for all priests wrongfully imprisoned in the great injustice of the witch-hunt that convicted without evidence and condemned with false trials.

Am I Oppressed?

I continue to come across blog posts, online comments, and real-life discussions delving into the "role of women" and condemning the position of the Catholic Church, claiming that the Church is "oppressive" and even "treats women as sex objects."

It is absolutely astounding and heartbreaking to me that someone would so misunderstand and even outright twist the teachings of the Church to support such a position, for claiming such is nothing but an outright lie.

I've written before about how I used to be a feminist, and I fully admit that I am STILL a feminist, but one with the original understanding going back thousands of years...and this doesn't mean what YOU might think it means.

In Brief:

To recap a little for those who aren't familiar with my story, I went to college for Law Enforcement, did become a Police Officer for a time, and have worked since then in many male-dominated jobs. During my training I tried to suppress any female inclinations (well, beyond the fact that I am attracted to men and always believed in Marriage!), to the degree possible. I had a "tough" veneer, worked hard to desensitize myself to things and suppress any natural emotional response to anything, thinking that to have empathy, to show emotions made me "girly" and would thus cause me to lose the respect of my male peers, maybe even my female peers.

Oh, sure, I painted my nails, wore makeup, and had long hair, but my attitudes revealed a very deep misunderstanding of what it meant to be a woman while I continued to give in to the culture surrounding me.

I will say no more of my history, other than to say that as I returned to my Faith, I have had to struggle a great deal with who I thought I was...and who God created me to be as His adopted daughter and potential Bride of Christ. I have to admit that this has been a big issue in my vocational discernment, and one that is ongoing as I try to resolve my crustiness against the need for holiness.

Contemporary Misunderstandings of Historical Realities

Because of the scourge of radical "feminism", the role of women in the Church is often misunderstood, even very intentionally so! To "misunderstand" is a way that we seek directly to justify ourselves in our unbelief or attitudes that are comfortable to us and our circle of friends. I do not point fingers at anyone in this, for it is human nature to do this with regard to any attitude or sin we hold dearly. It's an unfortunate part of our fallen nature, and something against which we need to remain on guard. Because of this, I cut radical feminists absolutely NO slack because I used to be one (or very close) too, and I remember the unspoken thought processes we shared, innately understanding, as well as the power of propaganda and rhetoric that we used to ignore rational discussions that sought to educate.

It was a lot easier to slam the Church or "misdirect" the discussion to something "peaceful" than to actually recognize the Church in her wisdom actually had something to offer...and that was salvation.

No one ever condemned me for my feminist attitudes. They didn't have to. The few people I met who didn't agree with my disordered ideology offered measured, truthful, and calm words, which were enough to lead me to condemn myself. Don't tell me, then, not to "judge", for I have been there; because of that, I actually have nothing but pity for those women who continue to engross themselves in their condemnations of the Church's constant pleas to recognize their (our!) true dignity as women created in the image and likeness of God!

People, both within the Church (sadly!) and without, have the impression that women are "excluded" in some way, or "oppressed" by an evil hierarchy. Those who stay in the Church actively work to disseminate their disobedience and misinformation "within" (which isn't actually possible, theologically) to try to destroy the hierarchy established by Christ and enforced by the Holy Spirit. Those from outside the Church work hard to crush this beautiful Bride made up of men and women both, this Bride born from the side of Christ, whom He loved so dearly He gave everything to save.

Instead of being open to the message of the love of Christ and beauty of woman, these people try to destroy beauty in order to spiritually photo shop their own disordered political and even sexual ideals.

The imagery and reality of true feminism reigns in both the Old and New Testaments; we see it in the images used in the prophets to explain the undying loyalty of a husband (God) to his wife (His people) in spite of her vile unfaithfulness. We see it in the stories of Hannah, Sarah, Rebekah, Judith, and Esther, (among others), all powerful and heroic women who stand as representatives of the Church, proleptic of the role of Mary.

The greatest of God's creation wasn't a Man (for Christ Himself is God so stands outside of this paradigm), but a Woman, that being she who bore Him. She stands above all men as an example to ALL.

I've also written previously on a few Biblical stories often misinterpreted to justify the false idea of "unjust patriarchal dominance" and that post can be found here, if you are so inclined. (That article is actually one of my most popular based on the number of clicks it receives in web searches.)

The Reality of Being a Catholic Woman

In honestly living my Catholic faith, I have to say that never before have I ever felt so respected as a human being.

I count among my closest friends and associates both clergy (priests) and laity (everyone else.) In our everyday contacts, in their friendship and even in randomly passing, they affirm my femininity and value in ways the secular culture tries so desperately to destroy. It is they who urge me on towards God, to bring my gifts (whether practical or spiritual) to enhance the Church, and if I do so, they reveal how it in turn enhances their own calling and also directs them also on to greater holiness.

I have to ask...what in these relationships is "oppressive"?

On the Role of Women

This discussion would be incomplete if I did not address this, the biggest cultural discussion on the topic of women and the Church.

I think that many outsiders and those who maybe have only seen the distorted side of Catholic teaching (sadly too often taught by Catholic laity in leadership positions) get the impression that the only reason the Church bans contraception is to keep women "barefoot and pregnant" and in the service of her husband.

It's true that the Church values family, and I know of many large Catholic families, counting many of them among my friends! It's also true that a parish community does tend to revolve around family life and activities that help to build the family, and in this, often seems to exclude, unintentionally, the large number of single men and women of all ages (for we are the product of our culture, the lost sheep.)

I used to have some bitterness about all this family-orientation, not feeling called to motherhood, and feeling that, if I wasn't, then I must be good for nothing at all. I didn't WANT to be a religious for in looking at religious life as it has been lived out for so long, I saw nothing but the road I had already been down (embrace of New Age spirituality, etc.) and I figured I could live a better life in finding employment as a Social Worker all on my own.

I felt like I was all alone as a woman in the Church, and that there wasn't really a place for me. I kept hearing about "roles" and in looking at the Church, wanted to figure out what "role" I was supposed to fill even as nothing seemed to fit.

It took several years, and when I finally fully returned to my faith, I met other young men and women who realized that "role" was the wrong question. The Church isn't about "roles". That is a secular term arising out of our utilitarian non-philosophical age, much to the detriment of all.

We were not created to become "roles". We were created out of love, by God, for God, for love. "Role" can't possibly come close to suggesting meaning especially in this supernatural institution of the Catholic Church.

"Role" is meaningless

My "role", then, as a woman in the Church doesn't involve family and children. It's not about my job (I am employed in a parish), or about any liturgical business I might serve in the future or have served in the past.

Trying to define "women's roles" is really the wrong question entirely, and in so doing, completely ignores the reality of what the Church is, WHO she Is, and what she has to say about Herself.

"Who are You? And what am I?"

The above quote, I believe, comes from St. Francis (please correct me if I'm wrong on this), and it's the question we all need to address deeply when we think we are lost and without purpose. It is only in relation to God that we can discover our true identity.

As women, our place, just as it is for men, is to become holy as our Father in Heaven is Holy. We are to conform ourselves to Christ, to love Him and prefer nothing to Him, no matter whether we are single, mothers, children, or religious. Our vocations differ, but our value is clear in God's eyes and in the Church.

We don't need our femininity affirmed through definitions of exterior things, but only through being who we are called to be by the God who brought us into being out of His own love.

I am no one special in the service of the Church, and I practice my faith quietly in my own parish, attending Mass, praying in the chapel, and getting involved in other ways as I am able. In my work in the parish I am known only by my employment there, and in the same way, live out my faith in exactly the same ways if in a position of leadership.

When I go to a Catholic Church, I find the respect towards me as a person that the rest of the world ignores. I am seen for who I am, not for what role some agenda wants me to fulfill. I am encouraged to be who GOD has called me to be, and live that out according to HIS call, not my own selfish desires.

When I walk into a Catholic Church, it is a sanctuary, a haven from the rest of the world, and more real than anything in the rest of my life. When I am in my pew, appearing to be alone at Mass, I am at that moment more fulfilled that I have ever been before, for it is there that I lose my individual identity to become joined with the Church, past, present, and future. It is there that in losing myself, I gain the world and am taught to become ever more who I am, to be authentically myself in this ongoing battle in the world that wants to put me in a box and define me according to its restrictive "feminist" definitions.

It doesn't matter what I have done in the past, for in being Catholic, all that we are, all that we have, all that we will ever be comes to fruition in the Kingdom of God. I am not a Saint. I am not an important personage. I am an average Catholic woman seeking holiness and mostly failing, but in that failure, I most learn who I really am and in that, I become more and more authentic, more and more human. It doesn't matter that I'm crusty and shy all at once, or that I'm snarking off one moment and weeping with contrition in the next. It doesn't matter that in some ways I'm strong while I give in to weakness in others, for, as a part of the Church, someone else makes up what I lack so that I can contribute where they cannot.

I am a woman of the Catholic Church. I am not oppressed, but free, and I am PROUD to be Catholic!

What else is there left to say?

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The Starving Children of God

Consider: how many times have you perhaps been, say, complaining about a particular liturgical abuse at your parish or one you visited, or perhaps about the music? Perhaps you are speaking to a friend or acquaintance and that person clearly doesn't like what you're saying, so pipes up with, "Well, at least we CAN go to mass! There are people all over the world that can't go to Mass at all!"

Certainly they have a point, and none of us disagrees that this is the case.

HOWEVER, it's an illogical response to the problems at hand. The comment to redirect one to the liturgical equivalent of "the starving children in Africa" is designed to shut down the complaints.

Granted, sometimes we do need to pipe down and air our greviances to the appropriate party, that being the Pastor or perhaps the Bishop if the Pastor has not responded.

Let's break this down a little, though, in order to explain why we should not be cowed by someone who doesn't like our rant against their favorite "liturgical" music composers, or liturgical dancing or creative Eucharistic prayers. There are a few things we all need to understand, just for a foundation:

1. The Liturgy does not belong to the presiding priest, it does not belong to us as individuals and it does not belong to the individual parish.

A parish is NOT a "closed community" of worshippers in a single place and time. The Mass belongs to the Church as a whole, during which the original sacrifice of Calvary is made present, inserted into OUR place and time, no matter where we are when it is celebrated. It is fully universal, and each movement or prayer that takes place in the Mass has meaning. Everything is designed to bring us more fully into the Paschal Mystery.

If, for example, we are focused on an amazing soloist in the choir, no matter how holy the song, if our attention isn't directed to God but rather to that person, then it is not effective and shouldn't take place during the Mass.

Any time we are directed to human accomplishment, we take our attention from God who should be front and center since He is condescending to make Himself present among us in the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass.

We do not go to Mass to be entertained; we go to experience Heaven.

2. The Faithful have a Canonical Right to a properly celebrated Mass.

Canon 214 states: The Christian faithful have the right to worship God according to the prescripts of their own rite approved by the legitimate pastors of the Church [this does not mean individual parish Pastors, but magisterial leadership] and to follow their own form of spiritual life so long as it is consonant with the doctrine of the Church. [i.e. legitimate spiritual life is CATHOLIC spiritual life, which means you can't replace scripture readings with verses from the Koran or poetry from Robert Frost, etc.]

Under the Code of Canon Law, NO ONE has the right to tweak the Mass such that they leave the rubrics behind. Each and every movent in the liturgy has significant meaning, and the fact that we may not understand that meaning does not render that part of the Mass insignificant; rather it means we have a moral obligation to seek out that which we do not understand. Eliminating it or trashing it in some way is an outright offense to God and to the rest of the Church.

3. The Hymns chosen for Mass are important

Our professor made an interesting point this weekend, one I've heard before but it bears repeating:

When people leave Mass, are they most often meditating on things stated in the homily or in the readings, or are they singing one of the songs used during Mass?

Music is powerful and it catches our attention and imagination. The heretics in the early Church, and even since that time, realized this and have long used hymns to spread their heresies. In fact, the Arians were the first to do this but they were far from the last.

When we consider the music done in a Catholic Mass, we must also consider the words being used, for they are important and they are powerful. What we sing we are more likely to internalize, and at Mass, it is actually a prayer.

Lex orandi, lex credendi: We believe as we pray. If we are praying something that is NOT Catholic teaching, we become indoctrinated into something false.

This falsity removes us from the Paschal Mystery and keeps us from experiencing it as deeply as we could if we were actually being presented with and given the opportunity to receive the proper theology.

In charity and truth, we MUST, therefore, protest the use of music that is not true and does not contribute to the proper prayers of the Mass.

4. The "starving children" logical fallacy

The fact that people in some other parts of the world aren't given the great gift of Mass (oppressive regimes, plagues, priest shortages caused by the former, etc.) should not be taken to mean that we should be subjected to illicit (and even invalid!) liturgical practices.

Because children are starving in the Sudan, does that mean we should put bugs in our food here so that we can get dysentary, too?

Or would not the good people in those countries want we who are privileged to REALIZE our privilege, celebrate it, and in so doing, be able to assist them more completely?

The reality is that BECAUSE the Mass, in all times and all places, all church buildings, belongs to the Church, past, present, and future, if it is improperly celebrated it DEPRIVES the ENTIRE CHURCH of graces that are owed.

When we attend Mass, we do so on behalf of those who are unable. When we pray the petetions, we, in a sense, lose our own personal identities and desires so that we can take on that of the Church, representing especially those who cannot be present among us physically. That might include a neighbor who is sick, a medical professional who has been on call and can't attend due to an emergency at the hospital, or an entire village somewhere in India whose priest was murdered and they, sent into exile. We attend Mass and we receive the sacraments on their behalf, that they might receive the same graces to which they have a right but within which they cannot directly participate for a time. Because they are part of the Church, even though they are on the other side of the world, they are still part of us.

If we are distracted at Mass because the priest is making up words of the consecration and we must wonder if the validity of the Sacrament has been affected...we are being deprived of Grace. If we are unable to pray the mass because someone is up on the altar changing the words of the prayers in a way that is "gimmicky" (i.e. "inclusive language", non-approved wording, etc.), then we are being deprived of Grace.

How are we being deprived?

When we go to Mass, we should be able to expect to fully participate, which means we can interiorly unite ourselves as a Body as we pray together in our praise and worship of God. We can place ourselves and our concerns upon the altar so that the priest can "lift them up" during the Holy Sacrifice.

But when we are distracted and confused by bad hymns with non-Catholic or completely contradictory theology, or "prayers" that depart from the canon, or unapproved scriptural translations that change the original meaning of the words, we may forget what we are there to do. We have been cut off, in a way, from the Church for what is being celebrated in that place and time no longer has unity with the rest of the Church.

And in that, the efficaciousness of our prayers may be lost for in fact, we can no longer properly participate. In the case where the congregation may not be aware that what is happening is wrong, they are also cut off, through no intent of their own, for they are being deprived of the full meaning of the Paschal Mystery which they will NEVER truly be able to grasp if it is not presented properly.

We see this effect in those parishes that especially suffer the worst of liturgical abuses, for they don't even realize they are eating from a liturgical garbage dump and so don't understand the real meaning of "unity" in the Church.

We can look around us and see what bears this out and what bears fruit in the spiritual and sacramental life of the Church.

In my observation, the "starving children" in America are those most likely to make the "starving children" logical fallacy, for they are often either refugees from the liturgal garbage dumps who have not been offered an explanation of the fullness of the Liturgy, or they are those who still attend a Mass or have been indoctrinated by music that does more to celebrate "us" than it does to direct our worship to God. (This latter, I think, is the most common scenario. Good Catholics with good intentions but bad formation through no fault of their own.)

Thankfully, our dear Pope Benedict XVI has recognized all the starving children in America and in his mercy, has issued Summorum Pontificum (July 7, 2007), and the USCCB has revised the translation of the Mass to make it more faithful to the actual wording.

CAVEAT!!!

Now, while it is a logical fallacy to try to shut down legitimate complaints by pointing out what others DON'T have, we do need to recognize the great gift of the Mass. We need to recognize what we have and while we work to reform those things that are wrong and which close off a parish from the universal Church, we may need to still attend those Masses...on behalf of all those who cannot.

Holiness and worship doesn't consist in "either/or" but in the true Catholic way, "both/and". YES there are some major problems in liturgy right now, AND we need to recognize them AND while we work for improvement, attend Mass as often as possible to pray for the suffering Church that is deprived of the Sacraments.

That, my friends, is what we the faithful are called to do, and THAT, while it is going to be slow going, is how we are called to suffer in our place and time.

The FIRST thing we need to do, though, is educate ourselves. We need to understand what the Mass is all about, what the Church officially teaches about it, and only then can we really serve others, whether here or abroad.

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