The Desire to be Known and Loved

Having worked with and around children for a several years now, I have an observation I've been pondering for quite some time.

A few years ago, the Pastor at the parish where I am employed went to visit the Kindergarten class. They had some questions to ask him; simple but VERY important things that told them all they needed to know about him, such as, "What is your favorite color?"  "What is your favorite animal?" "What is your favorite sport?". There were more, of course, but those questions told the children all that was important about Father as a human being. They were relational questions.

You see, the children already loved and respected Father but they wanted to know things about him to which they could relate. It was of IMMENSE importance that they learn about his favorite color, animal, and sport  to see if those things were also THEIR favorite things!

Of course, each time Father answered a question, all of the children would pipe up with THEIR favorite things and start telling him all kinds of stories about their own favorite colors, animals (pets!) and sports, and naturally, that required them to expound greatly in detail.

Father, being  a very organized sort, had a very difficult time getting a word in edgewise and left that particular class session just a little rumpled in spirit.

I remember him telling me about this and all I could do was laugh at the mental image. "Father, they just want to make sure you know them as well as they know you!"

This is what I've been pondering for so long. Yes, it's clear to anyone that the children wanted him to know them and that they wanted to know more about him. But why?

The answer is simple:  Love. 

Think about it. This is "Human Nature 101".  When we love someone, we want to be known by them. Maybe we already know them or think we do, but it becomes of the utmost importance to also be known. To be recognized. To identify with them on some level. To be loved back.

This is the foundation of friendship. First it is superficial (identifying with another on favorite ie superficial  things) and then it goes deeper. Before it can go deeper, though, one must learn about things specific to that person and help that person recognize things that are specific to us as individual human beings.

Because I am an adult employee in a church, and therefore must lead many events and come into contact with many youth volunteers, sometimes I become the focus of a particular need. When one of our youth come to me for direction on a project or offer to work with me, even if I'd rather handle that particular thing alone and delegate them elsewhere, I have learned to let them help in some way. It might be painting a decorative mural for the wall for Vacation Bible School. . It might be asking them to carry this little box of pens (that I could handle myself just fine)  to that location. It might be just to be patient and answer their various questions about the simplest or most unrelated things. It might be just to listen and encourage an interest in a particular subject.

In the end, their questions and their tales about themselves and their families (from age 5 or younger on up to teens!) isn't about the event at hand. It is rather a simple request from one human being to another:  "Please recognize me. Please love me and let me tell you what I want you to love about me and how God made me!"

What I've noticed especially is that children love to talk. When they have learned to trust adults in their lives, they reveal everything. They latch on to their favorite people and tell them as many tales as they can about everything they know. They try to imitate that adult (or teen, even!). They will reveal their very souls and all this is really just an elaborate way for one human to connect with another. To say, "Please love me as much as I already love you!"

This behavior doesn't end with childhood; it's part of what adults do every day, too, although the form it takes is much more refined. 

Do you know why it's so hard to get volunteers for ANY given event, and why some need a personal phone call? Because a general call for volunteers isn't enough for some people. They need a little extra "I love you and know you so I'm calling you personally to take on this task."

We live in a world of broken families; families that have bourne children, now adults, in need of love that a shattered family simply couldn't provide when it was most necessary in their individual formation.. When a child comes to you and shares their heart, be open to them. Smile, even if you are sad about something. Smile, even if you are angry or stressed out. Take a moment  to enjoy the happiness of a child who is expressing that they love you and love you so much they want you to love them, too.

Do the same thing with adults because they, too, are the children they have always been, and they, too, are looking for someone to love them and to know them for who they are as fellow children of God.

As with young children, know when to encourage, know when to correct, know when to discipline. Human relationships can be very complicated, but everything comes down to one simple thing:

 What does the sacrifice that is true love for another human being, knowing they have been called to life with Christ for eternity, demand of you right now? 

And pray...

Pray for Our Lord to help you discern that answer in union with His Most Sacred and Merciful Heart!

St. Joseph and the Liturgy

I've long had a deep devotion to St. Joseph, but I've never considered him in the context of Sacred Liturgy. Reginaldus at The New Theological Movement has posted a brilliant reflection on St. Joseph as a model for priests, especially with regard to the Mass.

The following is an excerpt from the post which struck me as especially astute (emphasis mine):

The need for manly devotion in the celebration of the Sacred Liturgy


The feminization of the Holy Mass is a serious problem in the modern Church. It is not that the Liturgy must be utterly masculine, especially if this be understood in such a way as to exclude women from participating (remembering, of course, that the truest and most active participation is spiritual and internal). Nevertheless, there is a growing recognition of the fact that the sanctuary is becoming a place where men (and boys) are losing their manhood and becoming more like women – this may then have the odd counter-effect of making some women act like men, but that is a problem for another article.


What are some indications of this feminization of the Liturgy and, together with it, of the men (and boys) who serve at the Sacred Rites? Consider, for instance, the hyper-relational emphasis of the modern Liturgy (rather, of the Liturgy as it is often celebrated in modern times). The focus is all too often turned from sacrifice to salutation, from worship to welcome. Obviously, greeting and welcome have their proper place in the Liturgy, but adoration and sacrifice must not be ignored. This movement from offering adoration through sacrifice to greeting and welcome is certainly an indication of a movement from a masculine to a feminine perspective – not that all men want to offer sacrifice, nor that all women want to build community; but these are certainly underlying drives in each gender, respectively. Nor do we say that one is bad and the other good – it only need be emphasized that the male priest (and the altar boys) are very often pressured to deny the masculine sacrificial focus in order to accentuate a more feminine form of community-building. Indications of this would be the use of modern hymns and modern musical instruments, increased “commentary” and ad lib speaking, the placement of the altar closer to the nave, and (above all else) facing the people throughout the Liturgy.

I couldn't agree more! Please go on and read the rest so as to get the full context.

This section was especially striking to me because I've touched on this topic before and of course with my own growing understanding of sacred liturgy, it is one of the modern problems that absolutely makes me crazy when it comes up at deanery meetings and the like. All too often, it seems like the (generally female) laity "in charge" of various parishes are in favor of stripping beauty, making us "more like other faith traditions" and push female "participation" in various liturgical roles.

Sadly, instead of highlighting the proper gifts of women, it seems to turn well-meaning and faithful women in to puppets for those with an agenda of power and the result, which we witness every day, is the "feminization" Reginaldus describes.

The reality is that the Mass NEVER needed to be "feminized".

Certainly some abuses needed to be curtailed and some development needed to occur, as it has, organically throughout the centuries, but the average person never foresaw the destruction and the "wrath of woman" that has done so much damage to our sanctuaries, our architecture, our patrimony...and therefore our sacred liturgy.

The Church as Bride

The Liturgy is, quite literally, the face of the Church. When we speak to non-Catholics, they know us by the Mass we attend every Sunday, and maybe every day. I've known many people who have attended Catholic weddings, funerals, and that was their only real contact with Catholicism. When they look at a Catholic, they are less likely to see our beliefs, but recall vividly our liturgy.

(Never mind there shouldn't be that kind of disconnect - but there it is.)

The Church is already feminine - deeply, deeply feminine. The Church as a whole is the Bride of Christ, and Holy Communion, the consummation of that Holy and Eternal Marriage. In the Mass, the Bridegroom offers Himself as an immolation for His Bride, and the Bride approaches, open to receive Him and offer fully of herself in sacred union.

This is why many Cathedrals and other churches built in the traditional style have a canopy (Baldacchino) over the high altar; it represents this spousal relationship between God and His people.

Look around you in a beautiful parish:  there is stained glass full of symbolism pointing to the purity of the Saints, the sacrifices they made, colors representing universal understanding of things like martyrdom, betrayal, royalty, purity, chivalry...the list goes on. The light of the sun falling through the glass is an adornment upon the Bride, reflected through the jewels created by human hands for the Glory of God. The statues of Mary, Jesus and the Saints are breathtaking, often adorned with floral arrangements, and established within a parish to give proper significance to them in relation to the people, the parish, and the Church as a whole. These things point to eternity and speak volumes of the sensuality and intuitiveness proper to the nature of women.

The clothing worn by the priests and altar servers are made often by women - nuns who have given their lives to their Lord -Brides in the individual sense, with Him, laying their lives down in sacrifice proper to a spouse. The chausables from any time in history therefore have a woman's touch, a sense of beauty that both pleases the eye and guides one to meditate upon eternity.

Consider the architecture of a great Cathedral or beautiful Church, and compare it to the beauty of a woman, perhaps as described in the Song of Songs. People of many faiths, and none at all, visit Catholic Cathedrals, Basilicas, and Churches as tourists, in awe of the magnificence.  One cannot help, when entering these buildings, but to recognize the feminine nature of our ancient decor.

And then contrast it with the more "feminized" buildings, vestments, and "art" of the modern culture - and wonder if someone drank too much kool-aid and decided to take up the hobby of the destruction of beauty.

The Masculinity of the Priesthood

As Reginaldus discusses, St. Joseph is the epitome of masculine worship. He is a protector, he knows about sacrifice, suffering, and in all that, was a compliment to his spouse and a father to Our Lord.

The nature of the priesthood is both one of service and sacrifice. There is a hard practicality to that sacred Vocation which is informed by the feminine nature of the Church as a whole, yet reinforced with a solid foundation so as to stand as a bulwark against the winds that try to buffet her about.

The Church needs BOTH of these natures, the masculine and feminine, in order to bear fruit, and do so abundantly.

The disorder we've been both witness to and suffered from in the last 50 years or so has confused the nature of the liturgy and has caused great divisions among the faithful. I truly believe that this is one of the reasons John Paul II wrote the Theology of the Body, and that this series of Wednesday Audiences was the harbringer of Pope Benedict XVI's liturgical reforms.

I have no solutions to offer, but post this only as an observation. I don't speak for any particular faction within the Church, but only as a faithful Catholic woman who has found freedom in the privilege of being a woman through understanding the true nature of the Church and her relationship to her head, the Bridegroom, Jesus Christ.

St. Joseph...pray for us! 

Fundamental Differences

Several years ago, (many, in fact....too many...) just after my graduation from college while I was still a young, naive and gung-ho-feminist-gonna-be-cop with an attitude, I had the undeserved grace to work with a couple of guys who weren't afraid to be men.

I didn't realize at the time that they spoke a very solid, theological truth to me; after all, what an unlikely source! As I came to learn, though, they served to prove that God designed men and women very differently from each other, and to recognize those differences is not demeaning; rather, it glorifies God and sanctifies us all with the dignity God intended us to have.

You may be asking what wonderful truth these raggedy, trash-talkin', conceited tough-guy stereotypical men imparted to me?

I'm glad you asked!

One winter night we went out on the town and had a few brewskis and a few shots. I was a new addition to the management of our department (with them), and apparently that night at the bar was my "initiation" of sorts. We had worked together for a couple years, but my promotion was recent, and with my promotion, they finally had the freedom to tell me what they really thought.

That night I enjoyed their friendly, if challenging company, and was happy to be "one of the boys" which was a role I was used to filling.  In my college years, the reality was that most of my friends were guys. I could relate to them easily, and they liked me because I liked things such as weapons and learning hand-to-hand combat. And if someone got into my face, I was not real willing to back down.

Also, I could drink Tequila straight from the bottle and swear not just a sailor, but a pirate right under the table. I'm no longer proud of that gift, nor am I capable of it anymore, but at the time it endeared me to my male counterparts. At least to a professional degree.


(Aside: That's the irony of working with men in some fields...what is unprofessional in some crowds is professional in another).

Anyway, that evening as we waited for our next round of shots, we discussed women in Law Enforcement (a very personal topic for me), and we discussed women in the military. I was all for sending women into combat; I was a strong advocate of women in any and every role and made no bones about it. My male colleagues disagreed. One of them because, as was my impression, had been raised by a chauvenist pig and so became one, and the other arrived at his opinion from the point of view from his indoctrination as a Marine, Special Forces.

 In either case, my instinct was to completely disregard their old-fashioned archaic oppressive opinions as worthless drivel.

Just the same, those guys' words have never left me, as much as it used to pain me to admit it. 

The first thing I thought of when I learned about the Theology of the Body was the conversation I had with my   male friends that night. Pope John Paul II, had he been present with us, would have been nodding along with them while they told me about the facts regarding men and women.

Those guys explained very candidly that men have a natural instinct to protect women.

They agreed that women can indeed defend themselves, can do many or most of the same jobs men do, but women have to work harder to do it. (This was a lesson that came home to me about five years later when I trained for and was hired by the Fire Dept.) Their acquiescence to the idea that women had abilities, however, differed from their argument, for ultimately, they weren't talking about doing...they were talking about the foundation of BEING!

Carefully, trying to help me understand, these guys, these friends and co-workers of mine tried to explain that  (in a combat, law enforcement, firefighting situation) even though men realize women don't want any help if they are struggling with a task, men will still want to help them. Thus, in a combat situation, men will instinctively put themselves, and even other men at risk in order to help a woman, even if she is a soldier fighting alongside them. They will do it for the good of their unit, for the good of their country, for the good of the woman...possibly to the detriment of all.

I refused to see his logic and tried to argue that we women don't WANT protection, and we don't NEED protection. I was missing the point...he was attempting to explain to me that it wasn't about what women wanted...it was about how men are designed and that no matter how much they tried, they could not suppress their internal instinct to protect the women around them.

This argument went on for hours. Literally. It went on all night.  I had lost it from the beginning but refused to let it go. My friends finally gave up, realizing that I simply was not going to see reality, and really wasn't even trying. I was too busy holding onto an ideology that saw human biology as "unjust".

The only problem was this: I HAD begun to see it their way, but I simply would not admit it or give up my feminist perspective. It was easier to hold on with all my might to what I wanted to believe, that which would serve my own personal ideology, than it was to look to the expertise of these men who had real-life experience to back up what they were saying.

One of them spoke from experience in combat, but was prohibited from giving examples as his examples were classified. The other spoke from a heart he didn't want anyone to know he had.  Both, in practice, were really a couple a jerks, but both, also, were real men who understood the fundamental differences between the sexes; differences I was afraid to acknowledge for fear it would make me less than I tried to be.

In the end, I learned the lesson the hard way, and only through understanding it have I come to embrace the Truth. I don't regret my foray into Law Enforcement or Firefighting, and I still support women's presence there, for women do bring a particular charism to the Job. However, I do advocate that women who take that route understand who they are, their limitations, and the limitations of the men with whom they work.

Men and women are NOT the same, but are designed to be complimentary to one another, for the good primarily of the family, secondarily to society.

I realize this post may be a catalyst to a greater discussion, and I welcome it so I will stop my position here.  Are there readers with differing positions?  Are there those who speak from experience who agree or disagree?  Are there those who seek clarification, or any who would like to add another facet in the interest of discussion?
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The combox is open. I am truly interested in what my readers have to offer on this topic.
As a reminder, I do not allow anonymous comments. Make up a handle to identify yourself. Thank you.

Faith, Reason, and Happiness

I recently read Dennis Prager's book, Happiness is a Serious Problem.  While I enjoyed the book, I admit that I read it with a critical eye informed by my last three years of study, and in good conscience, I cannot recommend it as good reading material for the average Catholic.

Please, allow me to explain.

I like Dennis Prager and have read many of his articles. There is much that he says with which I agree and which coincides with Catholic Tradition and belief. Within his book on happiness there are many points that DID fully agree with Catholic teaching, and from THAT standpoint, I do recommend this book to knowledgeable Catholics.

Are you confused yet? I recommend it and yet I don't? 

In our present age, the vast majority of self-proclaimed Catholics are very uninformed. In fact, they haven't been formed at all, but only raised to engage in a particular behavior, that of "doing Catholic things".  To them, that means going to Mass on Sunday, getting Baptized as an infant, getting Confirmed, and this latter to enable one to eventually "get married in the Church."  To the vast majority of self-identifying Catholics, the rosary is a nice prayer but something old ladies carry and young gangsters wear in certain parts of the country.  Catholic homes have the trappings of Saint statues and pictures, especially those of Mary. Holy Communion has a vague connotation of a mere meal we call  "Eucharist" and, many think that after reception of this "blessed thing" one is free to leave church for the bumper-car ritual in the parking lot to see who can beat a retreat faster.  Many of those within this group show up only a few times per year, primarily of which are Christmas and Easter.

Yes. This is the vast majority of self-proclaimed Catholics. I'm sorry to say it, but it's true.This is also the same group that loves to "study" World Religions, pick and choose what beliefs to follow, and still call themselves "Catholic" out of a fundamental misunderstanding of what it IS to be Catholic, for, sadly, they have both never been taught, and as adults, have chosen never to actually study their own faith before either dismissing it entirely or calling it their own while actually embracing tenants and philosophies of other belief systems. 

It is not that I am against learning about other religions; rather, I am an advocate of it.  

I only offer this caveat;  before one goes rushing off to become "informed" in other religions, one must first know ones own, for without a foundation in ones own beliefs, one cannot accept or reject ANY tenants of ANY belief system with any kind of integrity.  This lesson has, at the hands of Dennis Prager, been brought home to me, and it is for this reason that I do not recommend his book, "Happiness is a Serious Problem" for the average Catholic.

A Little Relevant History

Several years ago, a friend gave me this book and although I paged through it, it didn't interest me much so I put it on my shelf, intending to read it "later". A week or so ago, someone on Twitter asked me if I knew of a particular book on "Happiness" written by some other popular author I had never heard of.  Upon reviewing the official web page of that obscure and overly-marketed segment of pop-culture, I knew it was neither something I would recommend or something I wanted to delve into myself; but the query DID remind me of Prager's book which was quite busy gathering dust on one of my many bookshelves. Clearly, it was time to read it.

I began it with great interest and found that although he didn't use the same terminology, he was speaking, initially, by grounding his book in the virtues. He was careful to write his book for the secular set; his definitions excluding, officially, those arising from the purely religious. However, as it went on, more and more it was clear that he wrote from his own religious understanding.  This, above all, was what made the book interesting to me, for, by knowing Prager's  general religious philosophy, I could better accept his position and therefore, better evaluate it critically in light of my own.

While reading I realized, quite deeply, why one must learn one's own religion before trying to delve into another. It is quite popular in our culture, even in the Catholic world, to study "world religions" even by bringing some "expert" claiming expertise in such into a Catholic parish even to teach children!  I have always been against this practice, not out of "intolerance", but rather, out of concern for academic and scientific integrity.  Those who know little about their own position are unlikely to be able to fully grasp the position of another, and the logic that should make up ones foundation, if absent, leads only to chaotic but ultimately meaningless "connections" when presented with a plethora of options.

In other words, it's like an intellectual religious stroke that actually paralyzes any real thought or growth.

New Age, anyone?

Faith and Reason, Together, are related to Happiness. 

In reading Prager's book, I received an insight into his own position, arising from his own Jewish Faith and found that it is at utter odds with what we believe as Catholics.

I'm grateful that he brought his interpretation of  the words of Genesis, "Let us make Man in our image" into a discussion of the "lower parts" of human nature, for it was here that I finally began to obtain an understanding of a fundamental difference between the philosophy of Jews and Christians.  When one follow's Prager's definition of human nature to a logical conclusion, that arising from his own faith,  that God meant "us" to be He and the animals he created, it stands to reason that Man's "animal nature" is by instinct. Therefore, following that, things such as men's desires for  multiple partners, use of pornography, and the moral neutrality of masturbation  stand to reason. They follow a logical flow arising from what he believes both about God's nature and Man's nature.

Understanding this kept me from being outright offended by Prager's assertion that my Christian perspective that pornography and masturbation are deadly sins are a "fringe" belief belonging to a person who is both maladjusted and has taken religion to an extreme.

I wanted to be offended, but when considering Prager's fundamental belief about human nature, I could not be; he is very consistent and logical in what he presents, and although he wrote the book with the secular set in mind, he was still  very clear in that he is informed by his Faith and finds a position of atheism and secularism to be completely illogical, and in fact, a position that inhibits happiness.

I am thrilled to agree with him here, and God bless him for pointing it out! This is one of those parallels with what we believe as Catholics. Gaudiem et spes, the Vatican II document on the Church in the Modern World comments on the causes of atheism and in reading Happiness is a Serious Problem, I was almost surprised that it wasn't a footnote in his own commentary on the subject. One would think that Prager and Pope John Paul II met and discussed this, for they both come to the same conclusion:  that nominal religion (nominal Christianity) has more to do with the growth of atheism than anything else. Prager asserts that the lack of religion in our society is also a detriment to the pursuit and attainment of happiness. His logic, and the logic of the Church, both coincide in this regard.

Christian Anthropology and the impact of Trinitarian philosophy on human nature.

Now, after this brief discussion about what Prager, and therefore, what the Jewish believe about human nature, how does that conflict with what we as Catholics believe?

Prager believes that we are both animal and divine; that when God said "Us" He meant He and the animals.

As Christians, we recognize God's use of the word "Us" to mean the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit:  the Trinity.

While Prager believes Man is created in the image of God and animal, we, as Christians believe we are created in the image of God Himself. We look to Him, and we look to Christ as our example as to how to live, how to sacrifice, how to walk the bloody road to Calvary. We look to Jesus to learn how to unite our sufferings to Him. We look to the Holy Spirit to give us the gifts we need to meet our final end; eternal beatitude in the Divine Processions.

We believe that pornography is a mortal sin because it undermines marriage as well as the dignity inherent in every human being. We recognize that because of that dignity, that any naked, airbrushed woman or man on a magazine page is being exploited and abused, for he or she is not being seen as who she is as a child of God, but by his or her physical attributes which objectify him/her and harm the one who looks upon him/her.  We recognize masturbation as a mortal sin for it takes that which is owed to God in a sacred act, with another person in an act of self-sacrificing love, and spends it in an act of self-love which cannot bear fruit of any kind.  We as Catholics understand that by cooperating with God to elevate what is lowest within us Glorifies Him, thus our quest for holiness by working to overcome the lowest points of our fallen nature is not "neurotic" but rather, a path to Heaven.

Why I Don't Recommend This Book

I don't recommend it (to the average Catholic) because Prager advances positions commonly held by unformed and un-informed "Catholics" who find the teachings of the Church regarding Mortal Sin to be inconvenient to the way they want to live their lives. Already we are inundated by people who at all levels of "expertise" in society who try to say that the moral teachings of the Catholic Church are "outdated" or "extreme" or the like. Those who agree with the popular flow would find even more here to weaken their faith and undermine their own moral fragility.

However...those Catholics who ARE informed and know the moral teachings of the Church as well as the Catholic/Christian belief of Human Nature might well benefit from Prager's book on happiness. There is much Truth within it, when one can recognize and dismiss the parts of his commentary that conflict with our beliefs. Further, it is of use to all of us to read and understand the differing moral positions of others, for it is there that we are able to confront our own doubts and strengthen our own positions.

Tolerance and Intolerance

Ah, the words of our age; they mean so much that they have been rendered to mean nothing at all.

I have a sense that if Dennis Prager was prowling blogs, he'd welcome my own particular post. Part of his book deals with growth in knowledge, the use of intellect as it relates to happiness, and I have to admit that he's right; I have been very happy as I've put my own education to use in recognizing fundamental philosophical conflicts between he and I.

There are those who would read this post and condemn me as "Intolerant" simply because I disagree with Prager. Do you see the irony in such a position, and how one who holds it is probably inhibiting their own pursuit of happiness?

True Tolerance recognizes differences, but doesn't necessarily agree with them or accept them. I accept SOME of Prager's premises, but others I utterly reject because I have a different understanding of God's nature and Man's nature.

I have to admit that although I don't recommend the book to the average "Catholic", I DO recommend it for those who know their Faith, understand their foundations, and can therefore engage fruitfully with the premises Prager establishes.  The more you know about what you DO believe and the more you are able to hold to it, the more you will understand and accept or refute what he (or anyone with an opposing position) has to say.

I must thank Dennis Prager for this book, for he has opened my eyes to some fundamental differences between Christians and Jews; philosophical differences I had not previously understood. Quite honestly, had I read this book when it was given to me, I would not have gotten out of it, both the good and the bad, what I have now that I have completed my most recent three years of formal doctrinal studies.

Actually, although this would never happen, I'd LOVE to sit down with him and discuss our differing beliefs in God and how that leads to respectively differing moral conclusions.

It would be a fascinating conversation.

Ahhh...that would be fun enough to make me happy. At least in that moment.  ;-)
*(Dennis Prager would understand)*

What do you seek when you dream of happiness?

This is a repost from October 2007, something always fitting for Friday, for throughout the year, on every Friday, we especially recall the Passion of Our Lord.



It is Jesus in fact that you seek when you dream of happiness, he is waiting for you when nothing else you find satisfies you; he is the beauty to which you are so attracted; it is he who provokes you with that thirst for fullness that will not let you settle for compromise; it is he who urges you to shed the masks of a false life; it is he who reads in your hearts your most genuine choices, the choices that others try to stifle.

It is Jesus who stirs in you the desire to do something great with your lives, the will to follow an ideal, the refusal to allow yourselves to be grounded down by mediocrity, the courage to commit yourselves humbly and patiently to improving yourselves and society, making the world more human and more fraternal.

~ John Paul II, World Youth Day, 2000 (Rome)

I have said before that I realized my life makes no sense apart from the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ; as time goes on, this realization is coming to be ever more meaningful. When I look at a crucifix and see the sacrifice of my Savior, it is clear that there is nothing more important than that, anywhere. If I never read another word, if I never sleep another night, if I never see another day, it doesn't matter; because Jesus' death on the cross reveals everything. That very moment in time is the meaning of life and the answer to death. All I have to do, for the rest of my life, is to look upon that cross...and become so enamored and unified that I become a living reflection, and let no other worldly concern pull me away from that goal of the perfection of charity. To love as God loves, that completely self-giving and wholly-self-sacrificing love.

God has willed us into being, out of his perfect love, and he holds us in existance. His grace is everything yet he requires but one thing from us: our willingness to cooperate with His plan for our lives. God calls us, each and every one, by our names, quietly guiding us, revealing his plan step by step. Each moment, we have a choice; accept or reject God's plan? Every moment of every day, we live out our choices and consequences of those choices, and each one either leads us toward the cross and self-sacrificing love, or causes us to flee into the selfishness of our own desires. There is always an option; do we act out of love? Or do we flee from the shadow of the cross?

Ultimately we must make that choice; are we willing to be crucified alongside our Lord, our happiness aligned with the deepest gift of self in accordance with God's own plan for us? Are we willing to offer ourselves to God every moment of every day?

Our own greatness resides in our humble acquiescence to walk in accordance with God's holy designs upon our lives. We are called to be holy; we are created for love, and we are formed to love as God loves.

When we look upon the cross, we should understand that this suffering is in fact the perfection of charity to which we should all aspire. And there is no greater glory to offer to God than to abandon ourselves and our entire lives into His loving hands.

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Women's "Ordination" is Preposterous

I've written before on the absolute idiocy of advancing the idea of "priestesses" in the Catholic Church, but this week something else really struck me. The fact is...the Church doesn't exclude women, but rather...She excludes MEN!

** skip down for the focus of this post. The following is actually just background.***

The people trying to advance the feminist agenda firstly have NO IDEA what the Church really is. They don't understand her. They are at odds with everything she teaches and don't even realize why we call her "Holy Mother Church." Even if they use the term, they do so out of a deep misunderstanding which could be corrected if they would simply be open enough to Truth to truly learn something outside of the box within which they've hidden themselves.

There was a time that I thought it would be ok to have female "priests", although I actually wasn't a practicing Catholic and didn't know my Ecclesiology, either. I also hadn't read the Vatican II documents, had NO IDEA what they said, or what the 1st Vatican Council declared, or the Council of Trent...etc., etc. etc. And in fact, I'm STILL learning. It takes TIME to learn.

And a little dose of humility, I guess. I had to learn I was wrong and suck it up. I had to listen to logic, to objective facts, and allow the Holy Spirit to change my heart. It didn't happen overnight. It won't for the dissidents of today, either.

Don't give up on them. Pray for them.

Back to the topic: "Womynpriestesses"

The charge many level against the Church is that she is "oppressive" and "patriarchal" and "male-dominated" and "exclusive". They say she isn't "welcoming" to women.

I've written on this before, a few times.

The fact that people make this charge reveals not that the Church is evil, but that those making such a claim are ignorant as to what scripture reveals and the Divine Revelation passed on to us through the Magisterial teachings of the Church which are...by the way...Apostolic.

Books have been written about this, so I'm going to make only a few points, a la Summa:

On Common Objections to the Church as she relates to Women:

Objection 1: The Church excludes women. Women have no place in the Church.

Objection 2: The Church had a female deaconate and I see no reason why that shouldn't be revived.

Objection 3: The Church is Patriarchal

On the Contrary: All of the above objections are made out of ignorance or simply misunderstand proper context.

I answer that: People who make such claims have a burden of proof upon them to prove their case and not a single one has actually been successful. Those who try find the Truth ultimately abandon the lies they hold so viciously and dearly to themselves, and, surprised by immense joy and freedom, they enter into the Church as true Sons and Daughters. It is truly beautiful to behold someone set free.

Reply to Objection 1: Anyone who would claim that women have no place in the Church clearly don't darken the door of their local parish very often. Women run EVERYTHING, from finance committees, to liturgy commissions, are involved in every single overuse of the word "ministry" and then some, are highly visible, and in fact, it's like pulling teeth to get men involved in anything that isn't recreational. Why? Because women are in the way doing everything and bragging that no matter what it is, they can do it better. No, I'm not making this up. Some parishes are better than others in that regard, however.

On the Theology end, this objection raises the very obvious reality that someone who would say such a thing reveals willful ignorance at worst, or brainwashing by bad "scholars" at best.

The fact is, the Church is feminine. Catholicism is a very sensual religion; consider the scents (incense, beeswax candles, flowers, pine in winter, etc.), textures, colors, stained glass, sacred art, sacred music (not modern music but sacred music), spirituality....it all exudes femininity. And that's all on the surface! Catholicism is in what we can observe in all of our senses, and all of that draws us into something that transcends our very being!

St. Jerome famously said, "Ignorance of scripture is ignorance of Christ!" He is right! And it goes even deeper...to know Christ, one must know the Church, and one cannot know the Church without a proper reading of scripture!

The Old Testament faith introduced the marriage theology of the Church, which was profoundly revealed in the New Testament in Luke, in the Gospel of John (Wedding at Cana, the foot of the Cross), and in Revelation, as well as in the writings of Paul, among others. We see the "Woman" introduced to us in Genesis flowing throughout the scriptures, finding her place in the Great Mothers, in many women of great valor, in the psalms, all revealing Israel not by honoring patriarchy...but by honoring Israel as a woman.

In a deep study, that "woman" is revealed to be Mary, who joins the Old and New Covenants, who stands in the place of the Church under the New Covenant, and we find that if we don't understand Mary...we don't fully understand Christ. She points to Him, and...He binds with US!

WE are the Bride of Christ, a holy nation, Daughter Zion, the New Jerusalem, as foretold throughout the Old Testament! The Church by her very nature and being is feminine! Everything ABOUT the Church is feminine!

We can hack her hair off and strip her of her garments, we can make the Church look "butch" to the outside eye, but we can't change her intrinsic beauty, we can't violate that which cannot be violated for she is under the protection of her spouse, the Holy Spirit.

To suggest that the Church has no place for women is to fail to understand that the Church IS Woman, men and women alike. Yes...in the Church, men are Brides, too. Together, we are all Brides of Christ and that marriage union with Him takes place when we consummate the Holy Sacrifice at Holy Communion.

And we profane our lover, our Bridegroom, when we receive Him in a state of mortal sin.

How, exactly, is the Church exclusive of women when everything She is about is...feminine?

Reply to Objection 2: Indeed, the early Church had female "diakonos" (I might have spelled that wrong, readers please correct my spelling.) Today that word is read as "deacons" or "deaconate", and yes, it's true such people served the early Church and that some were women. However....to suggest that they were the same as our Ordained Deaconate today is, again, a statement belonging to ignorance, not scholarship.

In the early Church, Baptisms were done by full immersion, if my understanding is correct. Women were conscripted to protect the modesty of other women and to serve in other ways. In fact the word "Diakonos" meant "servant" and did NOT indicate ordained ministry.

There has NEVER been record in the Catholic Church of women being ordained. Using a word that has developed a new meaning over thousands of years, and applying a modern definition to history to support modern misunderstanding is intellectually dishonest.

As an aside, it is also fallacious to suggest that Christ COULDN'T make women priests; the fact was that the pagan cultures ran rampant with women "priestesses" and they were actually involved in temple prostitution and fertility rites. Contrast that with the dignity the Church recognizes of Women today, that we are not here for men's pleasure but rather, that we reflect the image and likeness of God.

Get down on your knees and thank Our Lord for saving us from a culture that used us and threw us away to be left or dead, or used us and stoned us to death!

Reply to Objection 3: Indeed, the Church is Patriarchal, in the sense that Christ in His Divine wisdom instituted an all-male priesthood, and consequently, as it belongs to the deposit of the Faith, Tradition, and the reality of our theology, the Church does not have the authority to ordain women.

Christ didn't will a female priesthood, and it would make no theological sense to have one. It's not up for discussion, nor will it ever be so. It IS an infallible teaching. Period.

The fact is, in looking at the totality of the Church, the ONLY thing that belongs to men at all is the Sacrament of Holy Orders! That's it! That's all they get!

If we are to be honest, we have to see that if ANYONE is excluded in the Church...it's MEN!

If the Church is to be fruitful, She NEEDS the Patriarchy, the male priesthood, which stands in for Christ, the Bridegroom. A woman cannot stand in the place of Christ for she cannot be a Bridegroom. She cannot offer the Sacrifice of the Cross, she cannot be Christ. She is designed to be maternal, not paternal, just as the Church is designed to be maternal and receive the Word, and bear it out to the world. It belongs to men to deliver the Word to the receptive Bride.

We come full circle to the marriage theology of the Church, which can ONLY be fulfilled and expressed through an all-male Priesthood and feminine Church.

**

My friends, ignore the cries of the blind who cry out that they are "oppressed" by the Church: the only oppression they suffer is their refusal to open their eyes and see, open their ears to hear, open their hearts to God's love. They are stuck in Isaiah, living the "life" of a disobedient and adulterous Israel, giving themselves to political alliances, disdaining trust in God and obedience to His Commandments.

The Church isn't oppressive; she is Maternal. She is our Holy Mother, in whose arms we take refuge, there, with her under the shadow of the Cross. The Cross is Salvation; anything outside is real oppression.

The ONLY thing that makes sense is a male-only Priesthood! To allow women, Our Lord knew, would destroy the Covenant and make His Bride into the Harlot of the Pagan cultures from which He came to save us.

God our Father is faithful to Himself and to His Covenant; if we choose to disobey, we leave the Covenantal relationship behind, we leave the Marriage of the Lamb, and we become nothing more than pagan prostitutes worshiping idols in meaningless fertility rites that deny our final end and bar us from eternal beatitude.

If you believe in women's ordination, support it, take part in it...it is YOU who leave the Church. SHE hasn't left YOU. Why would you ever leave your Mother in order to make a false idol in your own image?

***************************

Commenting Policy: I allow anonymous comments. For the sake of courtesy, sign some kind of name, which blogger gives you the option to enter without being registered. If you behave like a Troll, you'll be deleted and no, I don't have to justify that decision. My blog, my rules, my judgment. Disagree if you'd like, but don't be a jerk about it.

I Am a Woman

I hate it when stereotypes are true and I'm living them out. No wonder men hate us and are confused by us.

Guys, I'm sorry. We women can't even figure each other out. So don't feel bad because you don't understand. Now I know why I love the guys in my life...you're obvious about everything. (Well, most of you are, anyway.)

Everything below is something I've learned via blogging and my own reactions:

* Sometimes I just want a podium so I can air my greviances and nothing anyone says can change how I feel about a particular subject because I don't WANT to change my view.

* Sometimes I want advice. (usually not, but sometimes I do.)

* Sometimes when it seems I'm asking for advice, I'm really not. I'm just musing and asking rhetorical questions designed for my own meditation and to help my readers ask those same questions of themselves. (I need to get better at closing comments to that post and making my intentions clear.)

* Sometimes I want a debate. (usually not as I'm really not much of a debator. It's not my gift. I think of great responses....hours and days later.)

* Sometimes I just want people to express that they understand what I'm going through because if I'm the only one who feels a certain way, maybe it means I'm going crazy.

* Sometimes I just want to express myself and let that be the end of it. Just writing about things helps.

* Sometimes I want to tick someone off on purpose because I'm in a bad mood and I want to share the anti-joy. (yeah...it's obvious I shouldn't do that.)

* Sometimes I need something else and I can't express it so I write about everything BUT what is really bothering me, in hopes I'll figure out what that is. Or maybe I'm just avoiding it because, let's face it: the truth is painful.

* Sometimes I'm just being me, boring, regular ol' me, and in my purest form, I'm quite a fallen soul.

Now that I've admitted all this....

...and probably have more to add (as probably do some of my commenters), I must say that AT NO TIME is ANYONE, especially a man, allowed to cite any of the above in such a way as to shame the women in his life! You are NOT allowed to use this for anything but compassionate purposes, and let's face it guys...you do the same thing but with a lot less drama. And we still love you, anyway, don't we?

Oh, I'm shuddering at the comments that might arise from this post.... *cringe*

Keep it clean, y'all!

Dating

I don't miss dating. Not one bit.

It's not that I ever took a vow not to date anymore. Since I broke up with my last boyfriend, the one I thought I wanted to marry (and whom I thought wanted to marry me, but I was wrong and he lied), I've only gone out on a couple of dates. They were fine. Nothing weird. One guy was nice enough,a Ph.D who was new in town and just looking to connect with a new social group. I saw right away he was a control freak. He was massively intelligent but defective in both his Catholic genes (was a fan of Voice of the Fuddled and was brainwashed to think they were "orthodox"), and really seemed to have a need to control everyone around him as much as possible.

It wasn't so bad on one date and at a couple social gatherings where we both happened to be present, but of course, that kind of guy, over time, gets worse. Not better. But he did me a favor and moved somewhere else so the dating possibility went elsewhere with him.  Good guy for a friend, but thank GOD for preventing me (and hopefully any woman) from being his wife! 

Other than that, I haven't met anyone I've even WANTED to date. To be clear, I LOVE men, I am very attracted to men, but I also find the pickings very slim. So many single men aren't interested in holiness; even in their 30's, they seem to be into the party scene, refusing to grow up and move on, or, of those who ARE incredible, I seem to have missed the boat. I have to wonder if I'm a rarity in my age group? A woman who truly loves Our Lord...but lives in an age group that has bought so into the secular culture of relativism that they find God, if they believe in Him, to be a hindrance to their hookups?

It's not that I've ever been any beauty at all, and in a thousand years, I wouldn't stand out in a crowd. (I like that, actually.) When it comes to marriage, looks may be a hook to get attention, but it doesn't last. The happiest couples I know aren't the beautiful people worshiped via Hollywood's lens; they're average everyday people who don't stand out to anyone but to each other.  

That's beauty, and that's love.  That's very often holiness.

And that's one of the factors I've considered in my own Vocational discernment.

It isn't about "I'm ugly so I should be a nun."

No.

It's not, "I can't find a decent guy, so I should be a nun."

No. 

Jesus isn't a consolation prize.  To consider Him such is to trivialize Who He Is and what He did to save us...and the fact that He calls and jealously guards His loved ones.  

Discernment doesn't come from deprivation, but only with a focus on love. Where is love to be found? Where is God to be found? What is God's will? Where is Christ most expressed to us, through us to others?

Deprivation, or some perceived and alleged flaw, isn't a part of understanding and seeking what we are called to be.

While we need to understand what we are "giving up", we also need to understand what we are gaining, in any state in life. I have friends who desired to be Nuns or Sisters...and ended up happily married. They saw an ideal, and God revealed His plan, when it was time. They were ready to give up the world, and God revealed to them the way to gain it and eternity entirely.

So often, the men and women who choose and are chosen by the priesthood (for men!) and religious life are subject to diatribes from the world about what they have supposedly "given up". The world forgets that some have tried what the world had to offer and found it...insulting, at best. Dismal. Unfulfilling. Typically the issue, from the worldly point of view, is sex.

People, get over it. You can live without it and be far happier without all the angst it causes.

It IS a deprivation to give up children and family, and for religious, to even be separated from family and friends while still walking the planet. But it's a sacrifice with meaning.

Dating...had no meaning for me. I'm not sure when that happened, but at some point, I just stopped looking or caring.  And that's where God entered in and asked me to look at Him. 

I don't really miss dating. Sure, it was nice to go to dinner and a movie sometimes, and the last guy I dated was a perfect gentleman (THAT was rare!) who didn't expect to be "paid" for dinner. The food, the conversation, the social aspect...that's something that was very enjoyable but I can find that same enjoyment with my friends. 

At some point, I realized there is supposed to be something more.   THAT was the deprivation. 

Some people are called to marriage, and my heart goes out to them as they seek the one God has chosen for them. Long marriages are amazing, and in this culture, it seems so hard for any woman to find a good man, and vice versa.

Sometimes, I realize that I'll never be married, and I'm a bit saddened, but at the same time, I have this sense that it was never meant to be, anyway. From the time I was a little girl, even as I spoke about marriage, I don't think I ever really believed it was something I'd experience.  

Maybe there was a part of me that thought, for awhile, that such a gift as marriage was "too good" for a girl like me.  

It doesn't sadden me, so don't offer "condolences" or "there now's".

There is no consolation prize that you can offer, and I'm not in need of consolation of any sort...none offered by this world. 

If I WAS in need of consolation, however, and if any future-brides out there need help in gaining perspective, I would recommend going HERE. And you may find that your attitude has been properly adjusted.

Or, uh, consoled.

And that's all I have to say about that.
*

(This wasn't going where you thought, was it? And if you haven't, click on the link NOW!) 


Oh, yes, Adoro has a funny bone. 

CELIBACY!

Oh yes, I'm going there. And for those of you who may be sensitive, be advised that I'm going to speak very clearly (for once) and that I'm going to use terms that are not profane, but may be considered to be graphic. And I may become embarassed and remove this post because what I have to say is not an edification of a proud moment, but of some of my worst moments. And believe you me...I have even less respect for myself than you can EVER have for me in revealing these things.

Forgive me, my friends...it seems I'm going through a phase; a type of regression to my early blogging days during which I had a great number of cathartic posts which could be properly termed as "rants." So yes, this is perhaps another "rant." At the end, maybe we'll see.

I do not write out of anger, rather, I write out of exasperation, and out of offense to my very humanity and my dignity as a woman. Yet I believe I will be speaking for BOTH men and women who choose to live a life of celibacy and chastity.


DEFINITION OF TERMS

A very wise professor I had in college (Fr. Fabian), explained to us the importance of the definition of terms. Although at the time I was not well disposed to the vast majority of the lessons we covered in our class on Natural Law (ie Catholic Morality), I must say that his introductory session has stuck with me. As you see from a recent post, I consider terms and language to be extremely important. Life has bourne out his words and his wisdom.

Ever since that day, I've been able to see that people tend to argue from self-defined terms. And that is actually fine; we sometimes HAVE to define terms for ourselves, or at least our understanding of those terms. Even if our definitions are incorrect, if we explain what we mean to others, they are better able to understand and respond coherently. Everyone knows the story of the letter written by a woman describing a "WC", which to her was a bathroom, which she referred to as a "Water Closet." On the other end of the letter, however, the understanding of the abbreviation "WC" was "Wayside Chapel." I'm guessing the story is urban legend, yet it still contains truth.

SO! To avoid the "WC" debate, let me first say what this is about:

Celibacy: Abstinence from sexual union.

Chastity: The virtue that moderates the sexual appetite. It applies to married couples as well as celibates. Chastity involves a correct use of our gift of sexuality, in keeping with our dignity as human beings.

MOVING ON...

Now that the requisite definitions are out of the way, let's discuss celibacy. I am a single woman, and I am celibate. In other words, no, I'm not having sex. With anyone. (And by the way, that includes myself. Masturbation is not coherent with a celibate lifestyle.)

This choice to be celibate in my single state stems from a few things:

1. Morality (Yes, Catholic morality, otherwise referred to as "Natural Law", in part.)
2. Experience (I'm ashamed of this)
3. I've never met a man worth that gift. (Period.)

1. Morality

The Catholic Church gives us a very coherent stand on sexual morality. No, it is not "Victorian", nor is it detrimental to our psyche. As Catholics, we LOVE sex! Truly! Have you ever joked about the size of Catholic families? Of COURSE you have! It's stock comedy for anyone poking fun at Catholics! Have you ever looked at a large family and brazenly asked the woman with all the children including the one on the way, "Are you Catholic?" Of COURSE you have!

So I ask...are you suggesting that they don't know how they GOT all those wonderful children?

And yet...you turn around and complain that Catholics think sex is wrong.

REALLY?!

I think you got it backwards...Catholics LOVE sex, and that is evident in the numbers of children produced by such blessed couples. Those couples love each other SO MUCH that they are willing to give themselves COMPLETELY to one another, without a distrustful barrier of latex or chemicals between them. And guess what? That's ALSO referred to as "chastity."


2.Experience

Let's just say that I can't take it back. I remember the moment and the devastation will never leave me. Ever. No, he wasn't worth it. Nor were those who followed. Not a single one was worth it. I'd die to get my viginity back.

Let's just say that I exercised "choice" and my "choice" was based upon a false premise, which I recognized as wrong even as I went ahead with it. And let's just say that I believed in love and marriage and forever...and he didn't. And I let him manipulate me. And all I was to him was an object.

And let's just say that ultimately, the man I thought I was going to marry wasn't interested in marrying me.

I have ALWAYS been interested in "forever." Unfortunately, most of the guys I knew then were only interested in "right now."

Thankfully, the notches in my bra are few but they were enough to destroy my soul and affect me for life. I STILL, to this day, feel that I'll never be really "PURE" even though I've gone to Confession, even though I've embraced a life of chastity consistent with being single. But I can't take back what I freely chose.

3. Who is worth THIS?

Several years ago, in my mid-20's (I can't believe I'm calling that "several years"), I was out nearly every weekend, "clubbing" with my friends. And we wore our short skirts and tight tops. My dearest friend at the time was prone to meeting her boyfriends in such places. I was never really interested in meeting guys in bars. Certainly, I was looking, but most of the guys I met were just not up to par.

Mind you, I was not a practicing Catholic at the time. I was a secular party girl. And sometimes we went to house parties, and sometimes we hosted the house party. And I had no end of potential suitors. My attitude staved them off, however. I was not looking for meaningless sex; I was looking for a husband.

Downtown Minneapolis is NOT the place to find a husband. And I knew it. So while I had a good time, I remained aloof.

Yet my friend went through boyfriend after boyfriend. I remember one particular night, we met a group of cute guys. And they were decent. One of them was really obviously interested in me and I rewarded him with my attention, but the poor boy shared no interests with me, and getting him to talk was like pulling teeth. I realized immediately that this was going nowhere. Sure, he was a nice guy, and I legitimately liked all of them, even as I got to know them better. But the one in question had no depth...no husband material there.

My friend berated me some time later, referring to that night and that group, "You never give anyone a chance!"

She herself had dated their "leader" for a few months. That didn't go far. The problem was that she gave nearly EVERYONE a chance...and never found success.

I didn't want to live her life and her disasters.

That pretty much sums up those years.

THE HAPPINESS OF CELIBACY

Recently I took the Spiritual Gifts test through the Siena Institute, and "Celibacy" was not one of my gifts. I think it was partially because of how the questions were worded; it had to do with "fulfillment".

I don't think "celibacy" fulfills me, but I will say that it's an important part of my life and I'm more fulfilled by being celibate than through sleeping with every cute guy who happens to get my attention.

In fact, I'm happier this way. There is nothing to offend my dignity. I'm not asked to be an object; the one thing that I've learned that is being an object of someone else's pleasure is NOT dignified. It's demeaning.

When I lived in Mexico, I was once hit on by two guys...at the same time! And when I refused their...uh...advances, they asked me, "What's wrong? Are you a lesbian?"

WHAT?!

And in the past, the boyfriend I wanted to marry told me that if I hadn't acquiesced to him, he would have thought that I didn't love HIM...never mind that he NEVER loved me.

A few years ago, when I had a fairly intense period of realizing I might be called to religious life, a co-worker, also Catholic, (but not living a very Catholic life) learned about my discernment. Her very first question:

"What about sex? Won't you miss sex?"

I understood where she was coming from ,although I'd never lived that life as she did. This was a woman who'd had a couple children via a couple of illicit unions. Don't get me wrong; she was a wonderful mother, and she was young. And God bless her, she gave birth to her children! She was EXTREMELY pro-life!

She could not live without her children; and she thought she could not live without sex.

Like many, she thinks that sex is not optional. She's been fed the pop-psychology that sexual pleasure even for its own sake is NECESSARY for mental well-being. She couldn't even FATHOM that someone out there could actually CHOOSE not to have sex.


WHY I'M OFFENDED

I was not offended by my friend's question; I was offended by the ideology she embraced.

I've been offended over the years that every time I said "No", my sexual orientation was questioned, my mental faculties were questioned, and my religion was slandered.

I've been offended that EVERY TIME I said "no" to a man, that he made it about HIM and used that to demean ME.

I'm offended that even the men who are supposed to be men are drama queens.

I'm offended that people think that celibacy is a forced condition! People assume that those who are celibate really have no choice and must be trolls or disfigured in some way. For the record; I'm not a troll. I think my history speaks to that.

I'm offended that people would DARE to suggest that the refusal of sex results from the alleged oppression of some authority!

I'm offended that people think that celibacy causes unhappiness!

I am absolutely THRILLED that I am celibate and striving to live a life of chastity. I look over my years of error and angst, and realize that all that suffering was for no purpose. It didn't win me a husband, and in fact, it made me feel less than human.

Right now, I know that I am a child of God. I know what my femininity is for. I am no one's object of entertainment. My life is worth more than that. My body is worth more than that.

And I'd rather die that live that lie again.

I know what freedom is, and the name of freedom is Chastity.

Kid Stories!

It's time for some fun.

First of all, you must go over and congratulate Sarah on the birth of her second daughter. Then come back and read the rest of this post. And I'll only know if you've been over to greet Sarah if you can tell me the name of her new little one.

Sarah is participating in a Meme, 40 reasons to have kids, and linked to Heather Claypool's list.

Although I don't have children so can't really participate, I DO remember some events from my toddlerhood, so I'm sharing a memory jarred back to life by one of Heather's observations:

11) Privacy in the bathroom is highly overrated!

So...I commented there, but decided to share this story with the larger world.

As I've written of before, I was always a daddy's girl, so whenever he was around, I wanted to be in his presence. I really loved my Daddy! And I still remember toddling around; apparently this is an unusual gift as most people don't remember being that young. At least, not clearly.

Perhaps I don't remember all of my youngest childhood, but one memory stands out so clearly I can tell you where the shadows fell in the light of the day. So I assure you; this memory is a true memory, and hearing about it as I grew up has helped to maintain the memory in high resolution.

One day I was looking for daddy, and found Mom in the kitchen. She told me he was in the bathroom. Great! I started to take off across the kitchen, calling daddy.

Mom tried to stop me, telling me that Daddy was going to the bathroom and to give him some "privacy". But I didn't care about that; I wanted to be wherever Daddy was. I was certain he wouldn't mind. So I ran across the kitchen, Mom's hand reaching out to stop me, just grazing the back of my shirt.

I was very single-minded in my intent!

I ran up the steps, through the laundry room, and to the bathroom. At that time, although the doorknob was over my head, I could reach it just fine, and turned it...and the door opened.

There was daddy, standing, facing the toilet, "going potty".

Daddy was embarassed, but didn't really know what to do...he sorta didn't have much of a choice at that point! Mom was yelling for me as she was catching up, apologizing to Dad.

I just stood there, ignoring Mommy, looking up at him. Dad was saying to me, "I'm going to the bathroom!"

Mom grabbed me, then, telling Dad she was sorry. But I couldn't take my eyes away from Daddy. There was something completely fascinating about what he was doing. My comment?

"Gee! How handy!"

And then Mom successfully pulled me out of the bathroom and closed the door.

*
My Dad died back in 1995, and this was one of his favorite stories; and much to MY embarassment, he never tired of telling it.

Incidentally, his other favorite story was accompanied by a picture of me sitting on my potty chair with my diaper on my head. That story will NOT be told and the picture will NOT be shared. It went into hiding after my high school graduation party.

Original Solitude

This morning I attended a small conference, which meets every month, designed for DRE's and Youth Ministers. The topic was with regard to Theology of the Body, the speaker was wonderful, and as usual, I was struck by the simplicity of the concepts...and how they apply to all of us.

A couple things hit me; the first was with regard to "the call" given to those who serve in ministry in some form, be it priest, religious, or lay ministry. Always, when someone talks about us being "called" to where we are, I am completely humbled...what am I doing here? God called ME?

It's shock. Complete shock. I look back upon my past, I see in a flash the last several years...and I can't feel anything but a mix of relief, humble recognition of my sinfulness, and the love of God. The focal point behind the speaker was a large crucifix; and every time I heard the word "call", my eyes and heart shifted to that image.

Seriously. I don't really understand how I got here. I have no idea how I went from where I was to where I am now; a student of Graduate Theology, staff in a parish, a faithful Catholic. How did God do this?

And of course, the speaker began then, and at the beginning, she spoke of, naturally, the beginning for us all, the beginning of John Paul II's Theology of the Body.

The first concept was original solitude; God created Adam, in His own image and likeness, and bade him to have a blast in naming the animals. This Adam did, and indeed, had a great time. So there he was, in the company of the animals, recognizing the gifts of God, recognizing all that he had, recognizing that God's creation was wonderful. But upon reflection, he realized there was no one like him, and he recognized his lonliness.

Man was alone; he saw that he was different from the rest of creation, he saw that he had the gift of self-determination, something all the animals did not have. He saw that he had an inherent dignity in his relationship with God that was not possessed by the rest of Creation.

He stood alone before God; he stood naked before the Lord, realizing who and what he was, and God also recognized that it was not proper for Man to be alone.

Skip ahead a few millenia, and we look at our world today. Things are a mess, are they not? Our fallen nature has lead us through disastrous catastrophes, with the current culmination of the slaughter of thousands and millions of children upon the altar of the god of self-loving inconvenience. We have seen the wars, the destruction of life, the loss of our sense of who we are because we cannot see God, and our society simply doesn't care.

Today I also realized that not only have we fallen so far, but this lesson is even more personal. It was a moment of that self-knowledge that comes only by the grace of God, right on the heels of the sense of "calling".

In reflecting, I realized that God has called me to my own personal "original solitude". In answer to my prayers and struggles of the past, God has taken me through years of sludge and rejection of Him, has helped me redefine happiness, and has delivered me from the darkness of those years. Where has He brought me, exactly?

To the beginning. To original solitude.

I live alone. God saw that I was alone, and so gave me a dog, which I named. But she is not like me; I must train her, I must feed her, I must care for her, because she can do none of this on her own. In her original nature, she does not have the ability to care for herself or even think beyond a short period of time. I love her and thank God for the gift of this pet, and it's nice to come home from work to a joyful greeting. She makes me sleep better because she is protective; she reminds me of God's love in moments of isolation, and she makes my life better, if not easier.

But then enter the solitude; she is not like me. It is not natural that a woman (or man, for that matter) be alone. The natural world is a gift, but it is not a substitute.

Every so often I stop and realize that I am alone and totally dependent upon God, and while He has been very good to me and in his faithfulness to Himself will continue to be so, I am still alone.

I do not look at this only from the perspective of marriage because the reality of our human existance covers so much more. Instead, I consider that, throughout history, it was never proper for women to live alone. Single women lived with their families. Married couples lived with their families. There were provisions to care for widows, especially widows with children.

We all suffer from the Fall, and Jesus came to ransom us with His blood, but the effects of the original sin remains in our natures. Our disobedience is ingrained; our understanding of love is twisted, and our definition of happiness is warped beyond recognition.

And although Jesus died for us, our sin have continued from generation to generation. It is a domino effect; once it has begun, it cannot be stopped, so the sins of the fathers are visited upon the next generation...and the sins of their sons have effects to the next generation, and the sins of the grandsons...and the effects continue. From the Fall, there has been a snowball effect, for each generation suffers and reacts to the sins of the previous generation.

It is ongoing. Jesus saved us with his blood by opening the gates of Heaven; without his blood, without his own fulfillment of the covenant, there would be no Salvation. Yet God allows us to live out our decisions, watch the effects of our sins, and stands ever ready, ever reaching for us, ready to offer us mercy.

Yet in this warped world, things have gone so awry; our dignity is constantly undermined. We damage each other and call it "love" when it is anything but love.

And in this world, even as we seek the company of others, we still stand alone before God, naked, ashamed, but unable to look into His eyes.

I have come to see that the Single state was never intended, just as Death was never intended; indeed, it is unnatural to be alone. We are meant to love and be loved, within God's original and fully self-sacrificing love. We are meant to live for others, not for ourselves, but the battle that rages within us is between the love of God and the love of the world.

The very reality of the solitude so prevalent in our socity is nothing short of disturbing, for at its core, it shows how far we have fallen. How is it that the evil one has managed to separate the ewes from the flock; the better to take them down?

And we have cooperated.

I do not believe that all women are meant to marry, nor are all men meant to marry. I believe that the majority of people are called to the priesthood, religious life, or married life. But there are some souls God calls to His own purposes, and they have existed since the Fall. Yet it seems unprecedented that people live alone in houses with their pets.

It is unnatural.

That solitude is a lonliness; not in the pithy lonliness of poetry and prose, but a deeper lonliness which recognizes that solitude before God is something we all experience. We recognize that we all stand alone, and in that lonliness of solitude, we see who we are, and who God is; and we are convicted in His love.

I have come to realize that my current state in life is related to this original solitude; God has taken me to a place where I can face Him and Him alone, I stand, in lonely solitude. Even as He sends me into the world each and every day, to serve Him and His people, in the end, I am alone before him. Single. Solitary.

And from the depths of this solitude, from the depths of my sinful soul, from the depths of my disordered sense of love, from the depths of my warped idea of happiness, I thank God for seeing me for who and what I am...and leading me ever closer to knowing the true definition of what it means to look into His eyes and understand what it means to be made in the image and likeness of God.

The Manly Meme with a Girly Twist

Orthometer directed me over to Catholic Caveman, and there, I was inspired.

Are you tired of those sissy "friendship" poems that always sound good, but never actually come close to reality? Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship. You will see no cutesy little smiley faces on this posting. Just the stone cold truth of Caveman friendship.

Thank you. As a matter of fact, I AM tired of the trite poetry that filters through my inbox in chain form. (Oh my goodness, can't break the chain!) Pa-leez! My friends, I apologize, but this "meme" has brought out my crusty side, my "rough around the edges" side obtained from my years in pursuit of happiness via law enforcement and firefighting...ie...this is my "inner male". (Hey...if in pop psychology, guys have an "inner woman" then we get to have an "inner man").


1. When you are sad -- I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.

This is true. I can't tell you the number of times my friends, both men and women, stepped in to comfort me...with a bottle of something. I remember, 9 months after my Dad died, I finally hit the wall. I grieve very strangely, and it literally took me that long to face some very difficult facts. I couldn't study. I couldn't read. I couldn't work out. So I found a friend as I wandered aimlessly around campus and burst into tears. While we were talking, two of my guy friends happened upon our location, and their solution? "Let's go out to the bar. We'll get you drunk. Our treat." And I ended up going with them, because what I was facing was too painful, and I needed to get "away". So I cleaned up and headed out with my guy friends. And they were perfect gentlemen...at least in the sense they didn't treat me like a lady. They treated me like "one of the guys." They bought me shots, a couple beers, belched, farted, and tried to make me forget my misery. Thanks, guys. I love you, too.

2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

OH! So THAT'S what he was doing!? That explains a LOT! He could have just handed me a kleenex. Note to self: don't date guys in EMT or Paramedic training. Or Med students.


3. When you smile -- I will know you are plotting something that I must be involved in.

This is true. Very, very true. * SMILE * Wink *

4. When you are scared -- I will rag on you about it every chance I get.

That's why my guyfriends never learned how arachnophobic I am. I already HAVE a brother...I don't need that many more. Throwing spiders at me does NOT desensitize...it heightens. Bad news.



5. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit your damn whining.

That never phased me. But it DID make me add my own horrible stories, and some of them were TRUE!


6. When you are confused -- I will use little words.

Riiight....but those are words that aren't proper in polite company. Or any company. In fact, they should never be uttered. Ever.



7. When you are sick -- Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.

Paybacks are due, my friend. Shake my hand like a real man. Oh...sorry...guess your debt is paid. Here's a kleenex and some Sudafed. Ta-ta!


8. When you fall -- I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.

And the next time I wear heels, I'll accidentally step on your delicate feet. Repeatedly. Next time give me a hand on the ice, ********! Oh, and the next time I pass you, expect a kick behind your knee. Buh-bye!


9. This is my oath.... I pledge it to the end. "Why?" you may ask; "because you are my friend".

Yeah...I love my friends. Guys and girls both. But guys, let's face it...while you may be physical, you ARE cavemen, and we got you beat. But we love you anyway, and I'm proud to say that some of my best friends have been men.

Meme this to 20 of your closest friends. Then get depressed because you can only think of 2.

Um...I can't send this out to many people. I'm not like other women. And I think it might scare men. So...let's just keep this between all of us, ok?

Can God be Trusted?

This last semester at school (which, incidentally was also my first as a grad student), I learned a great deal and it had a huge spiritual impact on me. Thank you, John Paul the Great! His writings have greatly illuminated huge theological realities I was never taught, I did not previously understand, and having now learned them, my entire outlook on life is different.

Though his writings, I have come to learn several things about humanity, leading me, of course, to recognize even my own deep imperfections and tendencies, and WHY they exist. It is not a way of avoiding responsibility for my actions; rather, I have come to see by understanding the root, how to overcome the challenges of original sin.

So often, I come across people who cite their situations and fall into a sinful path, using their (very real) sufferings as a justification to reject God once again, wanting others to bolster their guilty consciences as a way to appease them; they want someone to endorse the actions they know are wrong, they want someone to tell them that yes, they are correct and God has it wrong this time.

I'm often guilty of this.

It's part of the human condition; to want to be God, to know good and evil, and rather than seeking the good, so often we are looking to justify the evil.

It all goes back to the Garden of Eden. God gave free rein to Adam and Eve to eat of any tree or plant in the Garden...all but one, the tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. So what did Satan do? He arrived on scene as a serpent, twisted God's words, and suggested to Eve that God had lied to them. In fact, he didn't just suggest it, he said so outright without using the word "lie".

Eve corrected the Serpent; she resisted him, but in the end, his twisted form of "logic" overcame her. She gave in to the first temptation; doubt of God, doubt of His Word, doubt of His Love.

Let us consider this, because it is a foundation of everything we choose or don't choose: it comes down to whether we trust God or not.

Eve was tempted through doubt, and this doubt lead to Pride, and it was Pride that was the first sin. Doubt is not a sin; doubt is human, for God gave us free will and the ability to reason. We are meant to doubt, because this is what we use to discern good or evil. Even though evil had not been introduced into their lives, God knew what was coming and so our first parents had the ability to doubt or to accept. In the case of the serpent, Adam and Eve learned to doubt God. Through their doubt, they gave in to the Serpent's twisted and empty promise to be "like God". They gave in to the actual sin of Pride, and they ate of the fruit.

They learned disobedience, and immediately began to blame each other. They learned shame, and we see that as sin entered the world, doubt of God was proliferated and at its core, it {sin} ruptures relationships. It certainly ruptured humanity’s relationship with God.

This leads to our history, the history of humanity. Note that God NEVER did anything to disrupt the relationship with Man. God has always been faithful to His promises; it was us, as humanity, who turned our backs on God. It is always WE who turn away and choose to listen to the Serpent, that very creature that still whispers false promises to us, encouraging us to know better than God what is good for us.

Read the Bible; throughout history, it has ALWAYS been Man who severed the relationship with God and with others. And in the entire history of the Bible, it has always been God who initiated the reconciliation, through the law, through the prophets, through the incarnation of His only Son, sent to reverse the sin of Adam, through Mary's fiat, given to reverse the sin of Eve.

The entire Bible is a love story; it is about God seeking reunification with we who continue to reject Him. Jesus is the definitive answer, but we still have the responsibility to either trust God, or to fall back in distrust of God.

With every decision we make, the main question we need to ask of ourselves is this:

Do I trust God?

If we trust God, we will follow His precepts. We will remain faithful, especially when it's difficult. We will resist the lisp of the Serpent who seeks our ruin, but whose words are so sweet in our ears.

If we do not trust God, we will repeat the sin in the Garden; we will give in to our own preferences, our own Pride, and we will call our Pride the "Holy Spirit" and justify our actions and attitudes, even if they are in complete disagreement with the teaching authority established by Jesus Christ himself, that of the Magisterium.

The Garden we live in now is a complicated place, but it doesn't have to be so; in reality, we can make this very simple; we can either have childlike trust in God and His loving will for us...or we can beat our own path, leaving Christ bleeding on the Cross, suffering even in the face of our continued rejection of him.

Yet God has proven throughout history that He can be trusted; it is we, humanity, that continues to reject God.

The next time you have to make a big decision, spend time gazing upon the crucifix, the sign of ultimate love for us, and ask yourself if your own suffering even compares to what Jesus has done for you. Just as God sees you through the wounds of Christ, learn to look through Christ's wounds and see the Father...and then you will have your answer.