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Sunday, October 07, 2007

The Manly Meme with a Girly Twist

Orthometer directed me over to Catholic Caveman, and there, I was inspired.

Are you tired of those sissy "friendship" poems that always sound good, but never actually come close to reality? Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship. You will see no cutesy little smiley faces on this posting. Just the stone cold truth of Caveman friendship.

Thank you. As a matter of fact, I AM tired of the trite poetry that filters through my inbox in chain form. (Oh my goodness, can't break the chain!) Pa-leez! My friends, I apologize, but this "meme" has brought out my crusty side, my "rough around the edges" side obtained from my years in pursuit of happiness via law enforcement and is my "inner male". (Hey...if in pop psychology, guys have an "inner woman" then we get to have an "inner man").

1. When you are sad -- I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.

This is true. I can't tell you the number of times my friends, both men and women, stepped in to comfort me...with a bottle of something. I remember, 9 months after my Dad died, I finally hit the wall. I grieve very strangely, and it literally took me that long to face some very difficult facts. I couldn't study. I couldn't read. I couldn't work out. So I found a friend as I wandered aimlessly around campus and burst into tears. While we were talking, two of my guy friends happened upon our location, and their solution? "Let's go out to the bar. We'll get you drunk. Our treat." And I ended up going with them, because what I was facing was too painful, and I needed to get "away". So I cleaned up and headed out with my guy friends. And they were perfect least in the sense they didn't treat me like a lady. They treated me like "one of the guys." They bought me shots, a couple beers, belched, farted, and tried to make me forget my misery. Thanks, guys. I love you, too.

2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

OH! So THAT'S what he was doing!? That explains a LOT! He could have just handed me a kleenex. Note to self: don't date guys in EMT or Paramedic training. Or Med students.

3. When you smile -- I will know you are plotting something that I must be involved in.

This is true. Very, very true. * SMILE * Wink *

4. When you are scared -- I will rag on you about it every chance I get.

That's why my guyfriends never learned how arachnophobic I am. I already HAVE a brother...I don't need that many more. Throwing spiders at me does NOT heightens. Bad news.

5. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit your damn whining.

That never phased me. But it DID make me add my own horrible stories, and some of them were TRUE!

6. When you are confused -- I will use little words.

Riiight....but those are words that aren't proper in polite company. Or any company. In fact, they should never be uttered. Ever.

7. When you are sick -- Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.

Paybacks are due, my friend. Shake my hand like a real man. Oh...sorry...guess your debt is paid. Here's a kleenex and some Sudafed. Ta-ta!

8. When you fall -- I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.

And the next time I wear heels, I'll accidentally step on your delicate feet. Repeatedly. Next time give me a hand on the ice, ********! Oh, and the next time I pass you, expect a kick behind your knee. Buh-bye!

9. This is my oath.... I pledge it to the end. "Why?" you may ask; "because you are my friend".

Yeah...I love my friends. Guys and girls both. But guys, let's face it...while you may be physical, you ARE cavemen, and we got you beat. But we love you anyway, and I'm proud to say that some of my best friends have been men.

Meme this to 20 of your closest friends. Then get depressed because you can only think of 2.

Um...I can't send this out to many people. I'm not like other women. And I think it might scare men. So...let's just keep this between all of us, ok?


Melody said...

I got this one in my e-mail a few weeks ago. I loved it, because some of the ones going around are pretty sappy. But the only people I could send it to are my brothers and sisters, because we all have a twisted sense of humor (must be genetic).

uncle jim said...
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Adoro te Devote said...

Uncle Jim ~ Have you not read my converson/ reversion story? I said right here that I'm not like other women. That's reality.

I spent the last 5 years of my life crawling around under a car, wishing I could wear a skirt. I now get to wear skirts to work, but it's a lot more comfortable wearing jeans and a nice blouse.

I am feminine in every way...but do NOT get in my way because for years I worked in the male-dominated industries, and I am a pioneer woman with an attitude.

Have you ever seen photos of pioneer women with their homespun dresses, bonnets...and armed with a shotgun? That's me. That's a lot of us. Because feminity isn't a treasure anymore, even if we want it to be.

You want to know why I'm not married? Because I can't be what some guys want me to be, they've been feminized and quite honestly, I won't marry a man if I can look at him and make him wilt with a glance. And certainly if I'm physically stronger.

You want to know why there are so many single women? Because we need men who aren't afraid to be MEN!

If you take a society, "feminize" it by turning women androgynous..well, you got it. I'm a product of that. I'm an ex-cop, and ex-firefighter, I wear a skirt at work some days, but my colors show at times, and that's life.

I'm as feminine as they come...but I've been trained to be a man. Don't expect me or any of us to become shrinking violet wallflowers overnight. It will never happen. God has a purpose..I just pray he'll take my attitude and my "formation" and use it in a way that He intends...because none of us can undo what has been done to us.

Men have been feminized. Women have been made into men.

Hi. I'm Adoro. I'm an adult tomboy...and unfortunately, I'm not an anomoly.

Oh, and I live alone, so if I didn't maintain this attitude...well, I'd be an idiot to let go of what I've learned and how I have to be.

And yeah, I cry more about it than you ever will.

uncle jim said...
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uncle jim said...
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Adoro te Devote said...

Don't feel bad. The more people see what's been done...the more they will see the errors and the injustice that has been done.

I know what you intended. As least I think I do. Don't feel bad.

Angela Messenger said...

Adoro...check your email....

uncle jim said...
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uncle jim said...

And to your comments, I agree - America, and much of society elsewhere, has been neutered. We have feminine men and masculine women - homogenized to the extreme.

Each possess traits of the other in the natural order, but we seem to be working overtime to eliminate any differences and distinctions.

I THANK GOD for the differences - they're like some image of the trinity - they all have distinct characteristics, but they are all part of the same creator - and we each are in His image and likeness.

Fr. V said...

I love this!

And O! You so shouldn't have told me that you're afraid of spider!

Adoro te Devote said...

Fr. V. ~ I'm going to be really mad if you throw spiders at me!


Especially because you'd have to throw them a LOOOOONNNG way!

Maureen said...

Adoro --

This made the rounds of my workplace years ago -- and that was back when we were 80% women or more! (Don't remember the choking line though -- the meme must've hung around the EMT section of the Net after it left here....)

I personally was never girly, will never be girly, and have absolutely no strange concept that I'm less of a woman because of it. The most I worry about is that I have a restricted skill set, because my knowledge of makeup is almost wholly theoretical. (But honestly, that stuff is nasty! Almost as nasty as tattoos!)

OTOH, it is a very rough world for those who are more traditionally feminine. They get picked on, in today's pop culture, even more than us nerds and tomboys. Many feel a need to tone it down, or are so unsure that they conform in order to channel their personality in socially acceptable ways (Martha Stewart or Oprah). They have to fight to keep from being regarded as less sexy versions of the sleazily dressed girls, because they do get out there and go out a lot and look for boyfriends and husbands. (Me, I'm perfectly glad to stay away from the tattered remains of the dating scene.)

OTOH, women have always been a lot more toughminded and toughtalking around other women than most men ever know. Pregnancy horror stories, for example.

Maureen said...

OTOH, I do wear dresses a lot. But first I had to join a medieval reenactment group to learn that skirts could be comfortable work clothing, or that dresses could actually be designed _not_ to make me walk funny and split seams.

In our society, dresses tend to have the same utility as kimono do for contemporary Japanese. (Except that modern kimono are usually even more expensive and stupid than modern dresses, although the amount of tolerance for body types is about the same -- not bloody much.) You can find decent things to wear; but first you have to know what to look for.

Cathy_of_Alex said...

uncle jim: Pull your foot out of your mouth, sweetie! Thanks. For the record, I prefer to wear skirts. I wear skirts almost every day at work and to nearly every Holy Mass I attend.

Adoro: ROFL! LMAO! Re #1: A true man-friend will also hold your head and stand nearby with a wash cloth while you are vomiting in the toilet after said night of manly forgetting with booze. Not like I know this from personal experience....;-)

uncle jim said...

I've removed it...
sole is cleaner now - not so sure about mouth.
I hope to land on my feet again someday.
I may have to never hit 'send' after eleven o'clock at night.
I don't recall having pulled off one like it in the daylight.
Nice to have you all around.
After 18 hrs in the com-box, I've trashed it - figure regulars had their chance already to make appropriate note.

Hidden One said...

*quietly claims his pseudo-right to be a scrawny academic.

Vir Speluncae Catholicus said...

Thanks for linking, but I want to pass on to you that I screwed-up mightily. I was in such a hurry to get that post out, that I failed to include that this ISN'T original material, but something that a friend sent via e-mail to me.

I'm trying to contact the folks who are linking this to set the record straight.

I honestly wasn't trying to decieve anyone... I just plain old forgot to type in that this was sent to me.

Would it help if I said I feel like a 1st class jack-ass?

The Caveman