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Monday, July 02, 2007

Without a Paddle

I'm up a creek, and I know it.

But what amazes me, as I float downstream happily riding the currents, waving at my friends...well, no one seems to think that resigning is a bad idea.

I'm actually amazed. Back in March when I nearly quit, EVERYONE told me it was a bad idea. EVERYONE told me to wait. EVERYONE told me the time wasn't right.

Now that I made the decision, rationally, calmly, and after much thought and agony, suddenly announcing my decision, EVERYONE I've spoken with actually seems to think it's a good idea, and that goes for the VERY SAME people who told me in March that I should find another job first!

At this point, because my decision was made and I have an interior sense of correct timing (hope I'm not wrong...), even if everyone still disagreed, I would have gone about my resignation, anyway.

What's funny though, is how many people are offering me congratulations. A neighbor of mine is ready to throw me a party, other people are THRILLED; you'd think I'd just announced an engagement! Tonight I went to Mass and Confessions. A man I know was there with his family, greeted me as I stood in line and I quickly whispered the latest. He stopped right there, laid his right hand on my head and said a brief prayer/blessing, right there in front of Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament.

I tell you, I FELT blessed, and I nearly melted on the spot. Thank you, Jesus. I have no idea what my friend said in his prayer as it was too quiet, in keeping with proper decorum in the chapel/Confession line, but I am deeply, deeply touched. He knows how I've been struggling, and he knows that, as of yet, I have nowhere to go.

It is a very precarious position, but God is in charge, and if it is His will that I lose everything, so be it. If it is His will to answer at the last moment, so be it.

I don't think I've ever been so dependent upon God, and I have a feeling this is going to be a great spiritual adventure involving much anxiety and terror. So be it. Let God's will be done.

A course has been set, I only pray that I have acted according to God's will and not the will of Adoro.

Thank you, everyone, for your words of support and your prayers. You give me courage.


Our Word said...

It was absolutely the right thing to do! Your health and sanity are more important than anything else. Additionally, you have unquestionably acted with the right motives (I would have given them two weeks' notice myself), and I'm sure this will not go unnoticed.

Sometimes you have to take dramatic action, even when it means not knowing what comes next. Judie did this once, some years ago - no question it can be scary, but you just have to have confidence that the right thing is out there waiting for you to make it happen. And sometimes that can't happen without doing what you've done.

Good luck, but I have every confidence in you that you'll make out just fine!


Hidden One said...

Ah, so great your faith!

Adoro said...

Thanks, Mitchell, and Hidden One.
faith...not so much. Desperation all the way!

I wanted to give 2 weeks, but as I don't have another job, well, I felt it would be intelligent of me to stay on for longer.

I'm regretting that right now, as I'm being completely clobbered with absolutely no hope of ever catching up. I thought they wanted me to get rid of my inventory before I leave?

I guess not.

And I have this mad desire to just tell people what I think of them, including the fact that I don't care if their car is wrecked, they shouldn't have left keys in it in the ghetto.!

Cathy_of_Alex said...

I've sent you a couple of private emails.

I will remember you during my Adoration hour this evening.

Melody K said...

Wishing you peace, and a job that makes you look forward to Monday morning!

Anonymous said...

There our probably more than a few who do not think it was a good idea to bale like you did without another position on-the-line. I suspect the prevailing sentiment is geared to show support and encouragement to YOU in spite of the choice you made / discerned to make.

We are all on your side, wanting the very best for you in G-d's will. We recognize that some must endure great trials in His behalf. If that is your lot, we sure want you to go for it and be victorious.

Many talk about G-d's plan for our life. When we make good choices, he is glorified ... when we make bad choices He is not. When we make mediocre choces, He may still receive glory,but not as much as when we make great choices.

The dictum "Ad Dei gloriam." versus "Ad majorem Dei gloriam." comes to mind.

Have a great Fourth of July, Adoro. Dominus vobiscum.

Adoro said...

Uncle Jim ~ Actually, all the people I KNOW personally think that this is a good idea. It's not just a "show of support." Remember, I told them in March, and they thought I should wait. I told them this weekend of my plans, pretty much identical conversation to the one in March...and they offered me their support, in the terms that they fully believe it's the right thing to do at this time.

Some of it has to do with the fact that my termination is likely imminent, and as I'd supervisor basically confirmed that in the context of our conversation yesterday.

Imminent terminations tend to carry more weight than "I just wanna quit." I've wanted to quit for years, but held off. It is simply time to go....and nearly getting fired is not the least of it.

So quite honestly, I was up against a rock. Get squashed...or jump. If I jump, there's hope. If I get squashed...well, burning bridges is a bad, bad idea in the professional world. I am taking a calculated risk, knowing what I have to lose, and willing to lose it. All about attachments and their proper place.

I made my decsion rationally, and I think that's why people agree with it. It's not "knee-jerk" as it would have been in March. It was thought out and really, at the end of my time.

And every single day now, I'm more and more grateful for this ability to leave my job somewhat redeemed, positively...even if I end up losing my house.

Better my house than my soul.

And do me a favor...I don't speak Latin. I know the second phrase, and I can guess at the first via context, but would someone please translate it for me?

I speak Spanish, not Latin. Should Latin come to our parish (as we are advocating) I suspect my Latin will also get better. Until then....if you post in Latin, unless it is the Jesuit Motto, or the Credo, or the Agnus Dei, please translate!

Thank you. :-)

Antonia said...

Adoro, I haven't been to your blog in a while, and was surprised at the 'speediness' between realization that the job stinks, takes you away piece by piece, and the final decision to quit!

I'm in a somewhat similar situation as you--both job & spiritual life--it's just that in my case I can't leave as easily because it's my own company :)

I think you're in Good Hands and you know it! Will continue to pray for you from the other side of the globe, that His plan will be revealed soon.

Btw, "Ad gloriam Dei" vs. "Ad majorem Dei gloriam" is something like "To the glory of God" vs. "To the greater glory of God". (I wrote 'something like' because my understanding of Latin has no credentials!)

Anonymous said...

I can't believe that you're going through such a thing...

I don't know the details of what you've been through, but I am experiencing similar anxieties on my job, where I've worked for almost ten years -

Including being shoved by my boss - who has allowed a hostile environment to flourish to a point where it has almost ruined another coworkers personal life - although he is (God bless him!) fighting it in court...

Ugly stuff - but it's a fallen world -

Will read up on your experience, that I am sorry you went through.

Please pray for me -

Every blessing to you, too!

Adoro said...

antonia ~ This really hasn't been "speedy" at all. I've been miserable in my work truthfully since I began 5 years ago. The second year I liked...and then it's been all downhill. I nearly quit about 2 1/2 years ago, remained when management changed for my team, and it's been my Manager who kept me there. Things were coming to a head in March, I nearly quit then, and now that my Personnel Eval is coming up and I'm already on "probation", well, let's just say it doesn't take a genius to read the writing on the wall. I can't afford that last PE, I can't afford to be fired, and I know my misery will not get better. It's time to move on, another job or not.

Boy, am I begging God for help, but I did just turn in an app last night to a local gov't. agency I've wanted to work for for a long time. Just hoping to get to the interview so I can convince them to hire me!

Thanks for the Latin - that's what I thought it meant, but I wasn't certain.

Adoro said...

Anon ~ I can't believe you've remained in a job where you've been shoved by your boss! That's assault! Please leave that position as soon as you can....I will indeed be praying for you!

No one should have to work in such a hostile place. Your boss is off his rocker!

Anonymous said...

Thank you so much for your prayers, Adoro!

Christina said...

Adoro, I can sympathize with your situation, having just gone through it myself.

Last year I was in a job I hated and wouldn't have been fired from. I was afraid to leave, because my degree was so specific that I didn't think I could get another job. To make a long story short, I resigned and now, I've found a job that I would have never considered had I not left the previous, nor would I have thought myself qualified for it. Oddly enough my previous job trained me for this one, which I'm good at and enjoy.

I remember once you said that your resume was so strange that you doubted you would get another job, perhaps this will give you hope. If you are trying to do His will, He will do amazing things.

I will keep you in my prayers. Happy Independence Day :)

Arkanabar Ilarsadin said...

May God bless you and keep you, and make His face smile upon you. Amen.

Anonymous said...

I won't pronounce on whether you've done the right thing or not. I don't have all the info, and it's not my place. But I wanted to add that I've been there, done that.

I bailed on a job because of health reasons... mainly mental health, but I was also experiencing a bunch of other health problems that I believe were psychosomatic, the stress from the job manifesting in a series of bizarre health problems that all melted away after I quit and have never resurfaced since.

I didn't have dependent dogs or a house at the time; but my roommates also both quit and the same time and it was all more than a little stressful.

But God provided and it turned out that leaving that job eventually opened the door for me to go to grad school (two years later) which involved a move across the country to a city where I met my husband.

So I have faith that good things will eventually result for you and God will use this as an opportunity to help get you unstuck from the rut you've been in.

I mainly wanted to say that we've been praying for your job situation in our nightly bedtime prayers with the baby, which I always feel is my best prayer time of the day, when I'm in the heart of my little family, teaching my daughter the importance of prayer and the love of God and our fellow man.

Adoro said...

melanieb ~ Thank you so much for your prayers! What a beautifl way to teach children to pray, and how heaven must rejoice when a mother takes such care! I do hope something will happen. Today they posted for my position and I heard a few inquiries go to my immediate supervisor. How weird, to be sitting there as my replacement is being prepared.

arkanbar ~ Thank you.

christina ~ Thanks for your comment - it's words such as yours that give me so much hope. This is really scary, but somehow, necessary. I'm so glad you found a place to go!