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Sunday, July 29, 2007

What to expect from a true Minnesotan

My Mom just sent this to me, and it's a jem!
*

Rules of Minnesota:

1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.

2. Let's get this straight; it's called a "gravel road." I drive a
Pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're
going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.

3. You say our lakes smell bad to you. They smell like money to us. Get
over it.

4. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000 combines that are driven only 3 times a year.

5. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly.
Try to understand the concept.

6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of ducks are coming in; we
will shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to
your ear at the time.

7. Yeah, we eat walleye & northern pike and love it. You really want
sushi & caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.

8. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season and the first day of fishing season. It's a religious holiday held, respectively, on the closest Saturday to the first of November and the second weekend of May, usually Mother's Day. The related holidays celebrating Hunting and Fishing Widows are held on the same dates.

9. We open doors for ladies. That applies to all ladies, not
necessarily all women.

10. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu. Order steak. Or
you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the pound of ham & turkey.

11. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats,
vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: Onion, Pepper, and Garlic!

12. You bring "coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.

13. College and High School Football is as important here as the Lakers
and the Knicks, and a hell of a lot more fun to watch.

14. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards - it spooks the fish.

15. Colleges? Try St. Mary's, St. Thomas, St. Olaf, Concordia, St. John's or a satellite of Ave Maria. They come outta there with an education plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at passing pickups when they come home for the holidays.

16. We have more folks in the Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines, and Coast Guard than
any other state, so "Don't screw with Minnesota." If you do, you will get whipped by the best."

18 comments:

UltraCrepidarian said...

If I was going to live in the US of A, Minneapolis/St. Paul would be in my top spot. :-) Mostly because whenever I've been there, it felt like home. Everywhere else in the USA felt kind of foreign.
Maybe because folks in MN know about (a) fishing, (b) beer, and (c) having a sense of humour.

:-)

W

Adoro te Devote said...

Ultra ~ You'd be welcome! I haven't gone fishin' in awhile, but could hook you up with great fishin spots. Beer: Yup. Sunmitt Brewery. You're there, and they're open for tours! And Humor? Yup.

We got 'dem booats up 'der, dontcha knouw?

You may not want to live in the metro, though, but MN in general has some great stuff.

:-)

You just let me know if you ever plan on moving south, and I'll do my best to make sure you feel like family. :-)

UltraCrepidarian said...

Yeah, I'm a computer geek, specialized in controls-engineering so I have to live somewhere with at least a quarter-million or more population to have a chance at a decent job.

Hey, that's a True Factoid about me that I've never posted on my blog.
Sometimes I wonder if anyone would do research on me from all the personal stuff I put on my blog, and in my blog-friend's comboxes.

W

Sanctus Belle said...

Hey great post! Forget don't mess with Texas - don't mess with Minnesota!

I'm sure I agree with the grads coming out of St. John's though - they have some very problematic theology ideas coming outta there...the folks coming out of Concordia and St. Olaf (Lutheran) may be more Catholic than the grads from St. John's.

Sanctus Belle said...

uh...I meant to say NOT sure I agree with the grads out of St. John's.

I need to learn how to type.

Adoro te Devote said...

Sanctus ~ I agree, but I left it in there, anyway. There might be a few with their faith intact....we can pray.

uncle jim said...

days, hours, minutes remaining until blast-off?

and someday you can mention them by name so i can get my coverage elsewhere if necessary.

i hope your co-workers throw you a big party ... they're probably already wishing they had the xxxxx
to go out the door with you

[what is a five-letter word that suggests 'courage' or 'nerve' or 'trust' or 'faith' or ? ... gosh there's a couple words right there ... but it could be something else, too - ending with an 's']

have a great week - all comes out in the wash

Cathy_of_Alex said...

LMAO!

tara said...

1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.

10. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu. Order steak. Or
you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the pound of ham & turkey.

ROFL!

Hidden One said...

Number 1 is enough to make MN worth visting, imo.

Adoro te Devote said...

Every so often Mom actually sends a good one! LOL! And I only tweaked it a little.

Uncle Jim ~ Friday's the last day. My Manager came back today (turns out his illness WAS life-threatening, and thank God he's back!), was made aware of my resignation a couple weeks ago, and we talked a little today. He agrees I'm leaving under good terms, confirmed he is thrilled to provide as many recommendations/references as needed, etc. That's a good manager; even though I'm burned out and my performance is in the toilet, he's seen me perhaps also at my best, and has focused on that as more representative of me than my work of late. God bless him. And my co-workers are great, and I will miss them. Great co-workers can make even the most unbearable jobs tolerable enough to last for awhile. Bad co-workers can make the best job the most miserable experience in life.

And yes, they all want to quit, too. I just happen to be the only one who doesn't have a family to support. I've got Dogs, but it's not like they cost what kids do (disregard the recent experiences with Fire...that's different.)

Adoro te Devote said...

Hidden One...unfortunately there are areas where certain individulas feel it's appropriate to walk around in baggy falling-down pants, the better to hide weapons. And yes, they look like idiots. Just don't tell them to their faces because they'll pull out the heat they're packin and blow you away.

Violent times everywhere.

But if you leave them alone, they'll mostly leave you alone. Unless they want your car.

:o) said...

I noticed you left out St.Catherine's. Rightly so. Not Catholic at all.

Adoro te Devote said...

Yeah...no chance of adding THAT school. I considered removng St. John's, but decded to leave it because I simply don't know enough about it and would rather assume that some people survive the bad theology taught there.

There are other Catholic schools but I didn't add them to the list. Given that Concordia is a Lutheran school, I could have added a couple other Protestant colleges, I suppose.

swissmiss said...

My mother-in-law's birthday falls during the week of deer season opener. It wasn't until recently that she's had my father-in-law around for her birthday. The only thing he converses about is hunting, fishing, guns and cars, in no particular order. Fortunately, I know a Walleye from a Northern, can tie my own line, shoot a gun and used to do all the work on my car back in high school and college (too poor to get a decent car and too poor to have a shop do the work) or else FIL and I wouldn't have much to talk about. Same with most of my husband's family!

The first car I bought myself was a truck.

As for #11, if my meal doesn't have meat in it, I don't feel like I have really eaten ;}

Hidden One said...

"Hidden One...your car."

Around here in the land of Canucks and syrup, unarmed people, particularly youth, tend to do that too. Fortunately, since they tend to be unarmed, (particularly the -Christian- ones,) it's a little safer to politely inform them of how stupid they look, particularly when pretty much everyone whose clothing is on properly agrees.

Divine Mercy said...

funny post:)

paramedicgirl said...

Sounds like Alberta for Canadians! the one i liked was:

6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of ducks are coming in; we
will shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to
your ear at the time.

Now if we could only apply that in some way to cellphones at Mass...