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Friday, May 16, 2008

Ouch Ouch Ouch!

So today I was off work so spend the day studying...except for a break to run out and get some errands done. I have to work all weekend, so today is Sunday for me.

It was a BEAUTIFUL day, still is beautiful, although it's cloudy now. But I took advantage of the nice breeze, the sunshine, and the fact that I had to plant my nose in a book and went outside to soften the difficulty of studying.

Class is next weekend, and I still have a boatload of work to do! This month I've had a really hard time focusing, partially because my work hours are all over the board, I've had only partial days off and have had to work long hours during the week so as to get even one solid day off without having to drive to work. ('s costing me MORE to drive to work on some days than I'm earning in the time period I'm there!) But I'm making the sacrifice because it's important to others and I'm just going to have to trust God to pay for the gas that goes into my car on those days. But it's also spring, my brain is tired, I can't seem to focus at all on my studying even when I DO have time, and basically...I have spring fever.

It's time to be done.

But I've got a Christology paper to do for my New Testament class, and it's a doozie! And I still have to finish my essay questions on Pope Benedict's book, Jesus of Nazareth. And what's more...I have to finish my essay questions for my two other classes, and I'm struggling with a couple of them. I wrote to the professor yesterday for some clarification and direction, which he provided, but I'm still unsure. And I NEED to do well this month because last month I didn't do as well, made some really dumb mistakes, and I can't do that again!

I do so much better with structured time, regular days off, regular hours, and secure in the knowledge that my next check will cover my monthly basic expenses. I've considered not returning to school next semester, but if I make THAT decision, the loans come due...and I'll be officially declaring bankruptcy. I'm in it for the long haul, I think, and that makes it even MORE important that I do well, because if I don't, then I will lose my scholarship. And that scholarship may only pay 1/3, but it's something.

Going to school is a really bad financial decision, especially considering I don't even know what I'm going to do with it. Because in reality, this MTS degree is NOT going to obtain for me a career that will pay me enough to live, especially in our current economic recession (which they refuse to call a recession). Everything is mortgage payment, my association fee, gas prices are ridiculous and truly, uncalled for other than by a thing we like to call "greed", groceries are up...and I'm going to be unemployed for six weeks this summer unless one of my options comes through. And even then I'm guaranteed to have at least a couple weeks without employment.

Yet is is what it is.

And now it's worse...because my time studying outside today caused a sunburn. A really red, hot one. I can feel the heat radiating off of my arms and legs...the constant sting won't leave me.

Yes, I'm an idiot. I'm just glad I wore a baseball cap otherwise I'd be chopping off my nose about now.

Right now, I'm grilling and rain is threatening. And given the cost of EVERYTHING, including charcoal, I'd prefer to not have my dinner rained out. Because then I'd lose my outdoor fuel and have to pay for my indoor fuel to cook my food. And I'd rather pay for my dinner only once, thank you.

So...a lot is coming up for me this weekend through work, and studying, and next week...please pray for me. I need to get all this stuff done...and what I've written here is only the TIP of the iceburg.

Great...I just heard thunder and now it's pouring.


* sigh *


Monte said...

NO! You are not an idiot!

The degree you are working on may not have such a direct relationship to he big bucks as an M.D. but you are improving your skills and knowledge for the eternal investment. 'nuff said.


(A former Baptist minister with lots of seemingly useless degrees now that I'm a Catholic.)

Melody said...

Praying for you, that it will all work out. Sounds like you have a lot of plates to keep in the air.
The local kids are winding up their school year, with final exams, graduations, picnics, etc. Makes me a bit nostalgic for that last-day-of-school feeling of having a whole summer of freedom ahead of me. Too bad grown-ups can't have the summer off (with pay!).

adoro said...

Monte ~ Actually, I'm an idiot because I'm sunburned. :-(

Melody ~ Thanks! I could USE a summer off...basically, I have one but how to pay the bills? Life is hard..

Anonymous said...

Do you have a donation button?

'Cause, you know, it's creepy when total strangers track you down to give you money. Much better to provide a controlled environment. :)

adoro said...

anon ~ I do have a paypal account, but I'd really prefer to just find a part time job to cover me for the six weeks of unemployment. Why beg when it's POSSIBLE to find work?

swissmiss said...

As bad as it seems, I wish I could be back in school! I was perpetually in school before I had kids and am still going through academic withdrawl five years later. The Catholic Studies program at UST just keeps calling me, but without time and an employer to foot the bill, I have to be content to get my academic fix by homeschooling (funny how phonics just doesn't satisfy). Still praying for your studies and perpetual discernment process ;}