Here I am, an adult, having been Baptised, having received Holy Communion countless times, and having been Confirmed. I have fully embraced our faith, I believe all the Church teaches, and I'm constantly striving to learn more...I have 2,000 years to catch up on!
But I asked myself that question: what if? What if it was a sham, and I was never validly Baptized?
Had I died, as I would still have the stain of original sin, I would not have the Beatific Vision, but I would be seeing God through a veil, for I would have the Baptism of Desire...but that's not what we're made for. We are made for eternal union with God. But I am living; so in my musings I need not think too hard on limbo or purgatory.
I would need to focus on my life as it is...and where I'm headed.
If I was not validly Baptised, it would mean that the Sacraments of Holy Communion and Confirmation would be invalid. I wouldn't really be Catholic. I wouldn't be receiving those graces. But I would have to then be Baptized properly, I'd have to receive First Holy Communion...for real, and I'd have to be Confirmed.
As I sat in class, musing on these things, suddenly a sense of desperation arose in me; I nearly wept at the very thought that I would be so cut off from the mistake of those who had gone before me! I would be angry at the betrayal of the priest and my parents, and I would RUN, not walk, to my Pastor, pound down his door and BEG for the Sacraments, right there on the spot!
I would not be able to live another moment without valid sacraments; I would fear for my salvation, and I would desperately be grasping for our Lord, in that very moment, panicking, realizing that I'd been living a false life.
I have no idea how a priest would handle that, if a fully informed adult would come to him begging for the Sacraments, someone known to him but who had only learned of an invalid baptism. I have to wonder if that has happened, and how the Pastor handled it?
Would he be able to provide those Sacraments on the spot, so to speak? Or would that soul, even the most educated, still have to attend classes for "preparation"?
I'd be begging for instant Baptism, instant Confirmation, instant Holy Communion...because, knowing what these Sacraments mean, I don't think I could live without them. And I suspect my Pastor would be as horrified, or even more so than I in such a situation. Yet...what would he be able to do?
But this musing made me ask another question, one with more universal application.
Are you aware that, if you commit a mortal sin, you lose your Baptism? Literally, you are severed from God. That literally means that you've rendered your other Sacraments not only invalid, but each time you receive Holy Communion you bring judgment upon yourself. Because it's not a matter of someone else's embrace of the heresy of Modalism or some other, but your own personal rejection of God.
So I considered this, and wondered...when I have been in a state of mortal sin, or if I am in the future, or even now, why have I not felt that same desperation to come back to God? Why have I not immediately beaten down Father's door, begging to be reconciled? Because each valid Cofession is akin to being Baptised again, to being Confirmed again, and, upon the reception of Holy Communion, it's like the same one again!
We get so locked into our sins that we don't realize how lost we are; we sometimes learn about the heresies, but without understanding that their implications are alive and well today and they are condemned because even our everyday actions might thrust us outside of God's grace! And we're so complacent to that. It's great to talk about Modalism and how awful it is that the feminists have cut so many off from Salvation...but what of all of us who choose mortal sin and sever that relatinonship with God all on our own?
Why are we not so desperate?
We should all receive all of the Sacraments in such a state of complete desperation. We should all be striving for our Salvation in a state of fear and trembling, loving our Lord so much that our fear is that we would be cut off from Him for eternity.
** "Creator, Redeemer, Sanctifier" is actually the heresy of Modalism, which finds its way innocently even into common religious ed programs, including RCIA, through well-meaning instructors who use the example of water: vapor, ice, water. This is Sabellianism, or Modalism, as it was commonly called, which mistakenly identfies the Trinity according to "modes" as in different modes of water. To baptise someone according to modalism is invalid for it is not a pronouncement of the Trinity. And to teach others about the Trinity according to the example of water is to indoctrinate heretics....don't do it. It has been oficially condemned in the Early Church. **