Visitors - Come on in and say hello!

Sunday, September 09, 2007


I can only stare at theology so long before my brain implodes, and then I'm done. I hope it gets easier, but for now, my mind just can't take it and I have to get away. So I found myself watching "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days", and I confess, I like this chick flick.

My favorite part is where she goes with him to visit his family in Staten Island. This scene strikes a chord with me; they did a great job with the scene. It's realistic, and in some ways, I've been a part of such a scene before. The family welcoming the girl, making her feel at home, and she falls in love with them, and they with her. It's a classic scene, and I like how this movie treated it.

Even though this plays out differently for everyone, there are certain elements that remain the same, and the romantic in me always gives in, the idealist refusing to let go. And I'll come out and say it; that scene is what I want, and watching it makes me feel lonely because I don't have it. And perhaps never really did.

I went out with a guy for about 3 1/2 years, and part of what kept me with him was his family. They were so gracious, they welcomed me, and made me a part of their family. When I house-sat for R. when he went to Afghanistan, they made sure I knew I could call on them for assistance if something was needed. So I'll admit it...I kinda fell in love with his family.

And apparently the feeling was mutual. R. and I broke up, but then I still house-sat for him when he was deployed to Iraq, because we had adopted dogs, and I needed to get away from my roommate. But his family and friends were still there, with open arms.

One evening, his brother came by to pick something up, and as he left through the back gate, he stopped, turned around, and paused, apparently having some kind of interior battle with himself.

Finally he said, "OK, I have to say something. R. is a FOOL! I always liked you, and so did my daughter C. And I just wanted you to know that. He is a fool to let you go."

Then he walked away, but he made my day. He wasn't the only one to express such sentiments, and for that, I'm grateful. I'm also grateful I didn't marry R., but it was nice to know his family cared for me just as I had cared for them.

And what I realize is that this isn't so much about marriage as it is belonging. We all have families....our immediate families, our parish families, our clubs, our groups. And what makes a difference is the love that ties us all together. In a sense, we do fall in love with each other. No, it's not all sticky romantic stuff, but there is something that ties us, and we know it's there when we welcome others and are welcomed by them, and in some sense, made to feel as part of a family. There's nothing in the world like it.

So on one hand, even as I long for the Hollywood scene, I know that every time I go to Mass, every time I go to the Church to help out or just to pray, I have that scene and so much more. No, it's not temporal, but there's something to be said for being set apart for God and His children at this time in my life. I don't think there's any family in the world, as wonderful as they might be, that can hold a candle to what it means to be a part of God's own household.


Fr. V said...


Anonymous said...

This makes me think of my son's fiancee. We love her so much that shortly after they started dating we already considered her one of the kids. She totally melds with our family.

I even went so far as to admit that I didn't regret marrying my ex 100% because if we hadn't had Luke, I wouldn't have Nikki in my life.

Adoro, if you were just a couple years younger I would give you my 24 year old son's phone number!

Laura The Crazy Mama said...

It's true that you marry your spouse's family! In my case, it was an "arranged marriage" (in that I chose my hubs first, then fell in love with his family!). Just like a marriage to a spouse, I grew to love them despite both of our flaws, our differences, and our disagreements. I love them even more with each child we have and with each passing year! My hubs always says, "My parents like YOU better than me!".

So, you got a taste of what it would be like, but you're right...being set apart for God and being accepted and loved by HIS family is 1000+ times better and that must be pretty good!

Cathy_of_Alex said...

Adoro: Remember, your family in Christ loves you too!

Anonymous said...

Cathy ~ Yes, that's the subject of the post. My new parish doesn't know me yet so they are included in the being a part of the Church as a WHOLE. :-)

~ Adoro

The Crescat said...

this is why it so important to me that you meet your significant others family and they meet yours.

of course I am telling this to the wrong person ;-P

oh well.

good post. great ending. I wish I had that type of insight. Maybe I am too negative. blah.


spot on post. lol

Adoro said...

CC ~ Yah, I got no significant other...well, then again, I have God, and the Holy Family...and the Saints....and all of YOU as my brothers and sisters.

But I IS important to meet the family. My ex boyfriend told me one day he didn't bring all his girlfriends to meet them; so that is some comfort to me. I wasn't "just another girl", and meant more in the mix than just the flavor of the week. And I also got that impression from his family in the way they made me a part of things. And it helped that his niece and nephew adopted me, too! LOL! Had it been different, perhaps we would not have lasted as long as we did (and that would have been a good thing... * sigh * )

CC, I love your humor. You're hilarious! Don't ever lose that ability to size things up and slap a funny caption on it.