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Thursday, September 13, 2007

Busy Week

The 'blog has been silent lately as I've both been working late (it's that time of year!) and when not working, I've been trying to study. I have only a week before class, and MOST of my written work left to do. And memorization. I'm praying for a miracle. But thankfully, tomorrow I have some training in the morning and because this week has been heavy on hours, I'm taking the afternoon off. To do my homework. This time around, the quality won't be there, but at least I will have the remainder of the semester to try to get my grade up there. If I get a "C" on this stuff I'll count myself lucky this time around.

I may have more to say later this evening as I'm sort of taking the night "off" from studying. But that's so that I can get a little more formal work done tonight, some review for a parent orientation I have to do in a month. When I put my "time" in, I will basically be "free" for the rest of the evening.

I've got to say this, though; for 5 years, I hated my job, I was miserable, and when I got to work on Monday I was wishing for Friday. And yeah, we all go through that to some degree. But now, I'm going to work and my days and evenings are full, and because of my school deadlines, I'm appreciating every moment I have in the evening. I need those moments to study!

One of the things that came up in my interview was the idea of meaningful work; that what we do means something, transcending the obvious. Yeah, we all have to pay the bills or provide for families, but we all need to know that the hours we offer to our employer in exchange isn't a huge waste of time. We all have the ability to live spiritually, that is, for God, no matter what we do. But when our job fit isn't right, it can both be a time of purification and a sign that God has something else planned for us.

Just one year ago, I said to a friend on the phone, "Is this all there is?" I had taken stock of my life, looked around at the house I own, my dogs, and my stuff. I considered that I had discerned my call to religious life...and didn't seem to be called. I am still not certain if I am called to Marriage or to Single life...or if perhaps God has something up his sleeve yet to be revealed and perhaps I AM called to be a religious sister? In any case, I looked around and realized that there HAS to be more to life than just going to the drudgery and stress of terrible mismatched employment just to pay for a box I keep my stuff in.

What to do?

The answer: Trust God. Rely on God. For He alone suffices. He is enough, and the answers weren't to be found anywhere else.

God indeed spoke, and through my friend, when, during that fateful conversation, he told me not to give up on the idea of going for a Master's degree. Even though in our conversation I was a bit negative, he made me think, and the next day I thought, "Why not me?"

And the rest is history. I'm a grad student (struggling!), and I have a new job. And suddenly, my life has meaning again. I don't know where I'm going, but I no longer have any doubt that somehow I bumbled into God's plan for me in this moment. I've done a thousand things wrong, and I've run away from God, I've fought with God, and I've argued with myself. But God is faithful.

So I don't yet know what my life means or why this grain of Sand you know as "Adoro" is here, but different pieces of the puzzle are appearing from all corners of my life...and they fit.

That's all for now, and that's enough...to know there is meaning to my work, to know that I was called to this spot in my life. I pray that you ALL know exactly how this feels.

I took a risk in July when I turned in my resignation. And on August 3rd, I jumped...and our Merciful Father caught me.

I don't have it in me to feel anything other than grateful.

6 comments:

Maureen said...

Glad to hear it's going well.

Keep your chin up, Adoro!

UltraCrepidarian said...

I'm very happy for you! You are quite an amazing person. I'm very impressed with your moral strength, and your courage.

Keep it up!

W

uncle jim said...

like a greyhound chasing a rabbit - determined and all-out ... BUT with a goal that makes a difference

Adoro te Devote said...

Thanks, y'all! It is going well, and I have some great ideas, the support of my DRE, and it seems, the support of my Pastor, and we'll just see how it goes.

Please pray..I'm preparing for something that might have a great impact if I do it right. But it's up to my ability to listen to what God wants.

MJ said...

Adoro you are in my prayers. I do know how you feel. Last August, after teaching 9 years in a Catholic Jr High, I was going to sub for a year in some area Catholic high schools with hopes of getting a full time position this year. I had only put my application in, during the summer, to 2 Catholic schools, close to home, with the intention of adding more during the school year. Three days before school started I received a phone call from a principal from a Catholic high school on the other side of town that I had not applied to. She got my name from someone she knew at one of the 2 schools I had applied to and wanted to know if I would sub for the first 8 days of school for a teacher who wasn't cleared to come back after some summer surgery. I took the job, continued to sub periodically the rest of the year and got a full time job there this year. What are the chances of all that happening? The only answer is the Holy Spirit!! Yes God has a plan for all of us.

angelmeg said...

(I think I may have said this before to you but it is worth repeating)

I keep having to remind myself when I take a leap of faith it isn't into the abyss that I am leaping but rather into the arms of God.

Grateful is a good way to feel.