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Saturday, July 12, 2008

It is Christ who lives...

I have no idea how many people are reading my blog. Not a clue. I don't have a stat counter of any sort and intend to keep it that way, at least for now. I'm not writing for statistics, or for popularity, or anything else. Sometimes I wonder WHY I write and reveal so much to whoever comes along. And so, sometimes I evaluate that and wonder if I should either finally identify myself or...quit writing?

Last night I had dinner with a group of "fans", now friends, (Hi, guys!), people from my parish. And it's odd to realize that real people are reading my blog, and know who I am. For years, from the beginning, SOME people from my real life have known my identity, so it has always kept me honest. But as time goes on, and I meet more and more people or reveal myself to more and more, I have to wonder...is it ime to let people know who I am?

But no...I think that would be the wrong thing to do. One of the things I realized long ago was that my lack of identity is an important component of this blog. Those who come across it, the vast majority of whom will never know me, can't form an opinion of the words based on what they think of me as a person. The average reader is forced to judge my words on their own merit. Thus, they can't make a judgment based on who I really am; they can't accost me anywhere and take issue with something I said, or conversely walk up to me and converse with me about how happy they are that I said X or Y.

There is a scripture verse that continues to come to me whenever I consider this issue: "It is not I who live, but Christ, who lives in me." (Gal. 2:20)

We do not live our lives for ourselves; we live for others. I think part of the purpose of this blog is an attempt to live for others. I've made a lot of mistakes and yet I realize that I am not alone in them. But God is merciful, God is loving, and He sent His only Son to bring us all Home. It's about that. It's not about me. Long after I'm dust, the same struggles of my life will be going on in other souls. They are happening now.

There are people who write to me on occasion to say that something I revealed in my blog was exactly what they were thinking and can't put into words. Or that my experiences parallel theirs. We as humanity are never alone; I think blogging, more than anything else, has taught me that. And it's humbling to realize that something I wrote had an effect on someone else...and they'll neve realize how those emails, in turn, have an effect on me. So often they've come when I'm about to take down a particular post or quit writing altogether.

One thing I fear; I think sometimes the things I write may give someone the impression that I am holier than I truly am. People who really know me realize I'm far from sainthood, and what amazes me is that they love me in spite of my very large flaws!. Please realize that the more "spiritual" or reflective posts that I write are often written as a sort of self-chastizement. It is not that I am living out the virtues...it is that I am lacking them.

And so, this blog will continue to be anonymously written. Yes, my glaring flaws often find the surface and become posts. Some of those remain up, some are taken down. There may be those who think taking them down is dishonest, yet I find that I must remember the focus of the blog. If a post on a particular incident is not something spiritually or otherwise edifying, sometimes it can prolong an incident. Comments or emails can keep the problem going, and so I've found that for my own health I must take down the posts rashly written and the cathartic venting must have a chance to die the death it deserves. Further, why incite others just because I can't rein in my own temper?

If I try remember that it is supposed to be Christ who lives and reigns in me, then my words here should be an example of that, and that should be the overall tone of my blog. No matter what, my flaws will show, and guaranteed, there will be "amazing disappearing posts" as I might think better of inflammatory words and realize how they conflict with my "mission".

We, as Catholics are charged with the obligation to bring Christ into the world, to build up the Kingdom of God, and to live as blessings to others. This blog is maybe my small mission, but there is one thing I have learned, over and over again; people do not come to Christ through massive speaking engagements. They come to Him one at a time, and sometimes, He asks us to be His hands and His voice.

My anonyminity aids me in doing this; if there are any words that have been good, the credit belongs not to me, but to Jesus. If I have ever offended (and I have), those words are my responsiblity alone.

9 comments:

Cow Bike Rider said...

Keep on Blogging!

RJW said...

Keep doing what you do. You have many, many readers. Your perspectives as well as your introspections are of great value to me as well as many others. You put into words what so many people wish to but cannot. We each must do the work of the Lord as He calls us to do. God Bless!

Anonymous said...

I live vicariously through your blog - I am so afraid of putting my thoughts 'out there.' Only a handful of family & good friends have the link.

It's still all new - but I truly enjoy reading your thoughts, comments, and humor. LM

Adoro te Devote said...

Cow Bike Rider ~ I will! (And I STILL love your name!)

RJW ~ I wish I could know my readers as well as they know me. Anyone wanna send me stories to publish as guest posts? (Maybe I should make that offer on a main post...hmmmm.....) Thanks for the inspiration!

LM ~ You are a very gifted writer, but definitely use your own discernment. I have a feeling that one day I'll be facing God and he'll be saying, "Why did you put THAT out there?"

For the record, I enjoy your writing and I'm sure everyone else who knows about it does, too. :-)

RJW said...

It's kinda funny how we seem to connect in some way with people we really do not know. But it really isn't so strange when we realize that we all have the same Father and Brother. If you would like to get an interesting perspective on how what we do and say (and blog) affects others, find the song by Christian artist Ray Bolz called "Thank You". It's on his "Best of..." album. It has been great comfort and a good reminder when I wonder why I keep doing some of the things (good things) I do. I'd be interested to hear your reaction. Again, God Bless. (P.S. Sometime you ought to come to Fr. Erik's parish in Ogden. You could meet him, Tara and me.)

Adoro said...

RJW ~ I would love to come out that direction. There are certain Idaho Dominicans I'd love to meet, and so, being in the general area, I'd love to come there. I know that I'd love to meet you and Tara...but do you think Fr. Erik would have time to meet me? LOL. He's a busy guy. Personally...I'd love to go out shooting with him....after Mass...

lol!

Joe of St. Thérèse said...

PLEASE keep blogging. I <3 thy blogs. Anytime I need to hear God speak, I'm always here reading. God has chosen a great insturment to work through.

uncle jim said...

the reality:

anonymous,

a veil,

a cloud,

a myth,

a shadow,

a fable,

a mystique.
.................

the perception:

brilliant,

beautiful,

witty,

confident,

holy,

talented,

strong.

.......................

keep writing

we're anonymous [most of us, anyways], so why shouldn't you be the same.

Brobdingnagian said...

My personal feeling is that it's okay if your readers know who you are in real life.

What becomes a problem is if people start linking your blog using links that contain your real name.

Periodically, while I had a blog, I would google my real name to see what came up. Not because any of it ashames me, but because I have a strong interest in making it slightly harder than googling my real name, to learn everything there is to know about me.

I don't want people knowing the name of my cat, my address, my job, and every person I know's name, just by googling me. You know what I mean? It's a privacy thing.

I think a casual reader will never figure out who you are, but you do have, or you did have, links to some online content signed with your real name.

I think you're an honorable person and so you have nothing to be afraid of, but yet, it makes sense to take certain steps, such as avoiding linking or naming anything that can be directly used to trace you, to provide at least a simple initial level of anonymity between you and the strangers who visit you.

W [formerly UltraC]