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Friday, December 05, 2008

A New Hero

I found my new hero. In my bad habit of clicking on random links, I discovered Fr. Hulk's blog, and have thoroughly enjoyed myself by reading his posts (instead of the Summa and other things for class.)

Although I found much worthy of linkage, THIS is the post that made me fall out of my chair laughing uproarously. (Quite undignified, glad there were no witnesses!)

TOUCHDOWN!

What's with all the arm waving and ballerina gestures during Mass? As I read and re-read the GIRM, I just can't find the sections telling the assembly to start flapping around like chickens with their heads cut off.

In my extensive travels of the country I notice this more in the western states than in the midwest and east. Thankfully it seems to be contained and doesn't seem to be spreading, but where it has taken hold, brother it has really taken hold.

When responding to "The Lord be with you" there is no instruction to make a wide sweeping ballerina gesture toward the altar. The priest's gestures are not intended for you - at all. The priest opens and closes his hands in prayer to God invoking the Holy Spirit on those gathered. He isn't waving hello, so there is no need to wave back.

My least favorite part comes during the praying of the Our Father, although we rarely get to pray this prayer anymore, but rather stand there while some Caruso wanna be belches something into an over amplified microphone. But I love it when people who want nothing to do with each other during the entire Mass, suddenly start running and leaping around in order to hold hand with perfect strangers who just finished sneezing and coughing into their hands. In small assemblies, or during daily Mass (when we do get to pray the prayer) it is fun to watch folks who have chosen to sit as far away from anyone else as possible suddenly doing Olympic sprints and jumping pews like hurdles in order to hold hands with someone they rejected when they chose their seat.

Then, in the height of hypocrisy, someone has told them to signal TOUCHDOWN during the embolism of the prayer (For the Kingdom . . . ). So while the entire assembly signals that somehow a cosmic touchdown has happened (or is it a good field goal?), the best part happens next. All these people who have dashed together to show "togetherness and love" now fling down their arms and rush as quickly as possible away from each other. It is comical if it weren't tragic. Some liturgical buffoon has convinced them to make this 'meaningful' act, which is rendered meaningless by their own actions and attitudes during the rest of the Mass. If they really wanted togetherness, they would sit with each other, but they don't, but like good trained seals have been trained to jump over pews and run through churches so they can hold hands and signal touchdown in a meaningless gesture.



OH MY GOODNESS, he's so RIGHT! While this crazyness doesn't take place at my parish, I do see a LOT of the "Touchdown" gesture at the cue word "Kingdom", and of course, the ballerina gesture with the "and also with you".

I'M SO GLAD HE SAID IT!

(And I'm putting him on my list of "People I'd love to meet but probably never will.")

5 comments:

Adrienne said...

He must have come to my parish...

Joe of St. Thérèse said...

Sounds like he visited most of the parishes in LA

Kurt said...

Great! Now I'm going to be thinking "Touchdown!" every time the hands go up at the end of the Our Father during mass. Maybe it will help if I close my eyes. . .

MJ said...

Thanks for the post. This was sooo.. funny, unfortunately true!
At our parish the hands are up during the entire Our Father. If I start laughing during the Our Father at mass tomorrow it's all your fault!!

Adoro said...

MJ, don't blame me! I didn't write it, Fr. Hulk did! Go blame him!

He has a related post up today.