I didn't realize Haugen/Haas/Joncas were from Minnesota. Maybe I heard that awhile ago, but maybe the presence of Msgr. Schuler overshadowed the shadows.
Apparently they won't be offering "concerts" anymore. And that includes at Mass, apparently around the world. Their last "concert" is bring held in MN on June 10, according to our Archdiocesan rag, The Catholic Spirit.
On Sunday, June 10, Haas, Haugen and Father Joncas will play one of the final two concerts they have scheduled. The 7:30 p.m. program at Guardian Angels in Oakdale is a benefit for “Music Ministry Alive!” — the summer program at the College of St. Catherine that trains young Catholic liturgical musicians. Last year’s concert was sold out.
I am not one bit surprised that it's associated with another local black eye, the College of St.Catherine wherein rule the mostly-pagan-in-practice-and-belief eco-feminists Sisters of St. Joseph of Carondelet. (How far that order has fallen! Pray for their conversion to their roots, for their roots were incredible!).
Anyway, back to the article, the only snipped I want to comment upon:
“We’re not interested in doing just fun Christian music,” Haas said. “When I teach young people about liturgical music, I say you’ve got to keep your ears open and antenna up about what’s going on in the church and what the church needs, what the church is really calling for in its music.
He is apparently a teacher at a local school. Now, to be clear, I'm sure he's a fine and talented musician, perhaps a wonderful teacher and a wonderful human being. I cannot comment on him personally as I do not know him.
However, I get nothing but red flags when I read his comment about "what's going on in the Church and what the Church needs, what the Church is really calling for in its music." (Church, as a proper noun referring to the Catholic Church, needs to be capitalized. Catholic Spirit editor, where were you on that!?)
Anyway, if people are really LISTENING to what the Church wants, needs, and is calling for, they would be going back to GREGORIAN AND AMBROSIAN CHANT!!!!
Not folk-pop music being classified as "liturgical".
I'm going to come out and admit I don't dislike all their stuff, some is actually enjoyable and I understand they were going off of their idea of reverence when they wrote the music. I love music...I'm a musician myself, albeit a fallen-away one. But music remains in the soul, and if one is taught correctly, a barometer is installed.
My barometer never went away, thank God!
And yes, I do like some of their music, and some of it brought me back home, but it wasn't so much the music as it was the sentimentality of songs I grew up with. Had I grown up with Gregorian Chant, I'm sure I would have literally DIED when I heard the powerful strains of "O Salutaris Hostia", but since that was outside of my experience, it was "Here I am, Lord" that hit me. God can use anything to bring us home. But why should He have to when we had perfectly good, reverent music before the misinterpretation of Vatican II?
I'm fine with their concerts. By all means, perform in concerts, and that is the correct setting for much of their music...not the Mass.
I wonder if we'll ever recover from the last 40 years of bad liturgical music?
Thursday, June 07, 2007
Update and Prayer Request
The last couple nights have been busy for me; Tuesday night I went on a blog hiatus. I was actually repelled by my computer, for some reason. So I went to Mass (this is a common occurrance), came home, and just spent the evening in silence, did some reading (Theology of the Body), prayed a lot, and I guess had a mini-retreat.
God was silent, though...he didn't offer any direction or even a new job offer to get me out of the hell I go to every day. This HAS to be worth something to someone, somewhere! So offering it up continues.
Last night our now-very-small RCIA team met to discuss next year and the format. We are actually going to be creating our curriculum from the Catechism published by the American Bishops, which quotes the CCC but lays the Church teachings out in a very readable format. It includes discussion questions and the like, and I praise this idea. It's solid catechesis and covers so much more than the liturgically-based program, yet there will still be a blend there as we'll go over the upcoming Sunday's readings each week, too. We are also blessed with a priest very knowledgable in scripture (I think he has a Doctorate relating to scripture), and some other people who can come in occasionally to teach in their areas of expertise.
So good things are happening here. We are also seeking ways to help the new Catholics find their way into our huge parish and get involved. If any of you out there have suggestions as to what your church does or what worked for you (if you are a convert), or if you have suggestions, please comment or send me an e-mail if you're more comfortable in doing so.
Now, as far as more blogging, I'm hoping to be more inspired tonight, having had two evenings "off"; maybe there is another "Blogs of our Lives" episode to be completed. We'll see.
Most importantly, please keep Angela Messenger and her community in your prayers. The river is flooding, people are being evacuated, and Angela's house is cut off. She also has no access to internet from her home, but does from work, so keep an eye on her blog for updates. The river is expected to crest on Saturday.
God was silent, though...he didn't offer any direction or even a new job offer to get me out of the hell I go to every day. This HAS to be worth something to someone, somewhere! So offering it up continues.
Last night our now-very-small RCIA team met to discuss next year and the format. We are actually going to be creating our curriculum from the Catechism published by the American Bishops, which quotes the CCC but lays the Church teachings out in a very readable format. It includes discussion questions and the like, and I praise this idea. It's solid catechesis and covers so much more than the liturgically-based program, yet there will still be a blend there as we'll go over the upcoming Sunday's readings each week, too. We are also blessed with a priest very knowledgable in scripture (I think he has a Doctorate relating to scripture), and some other people who can come in occasionally to teach in their areas of expertise.
So good things are happening here. We are also seeking ways to help the new Catholics find their way into our huge parish and get involved. If any of you out there have suggestions as to what your church does or what worked for you (if you are a convert), or if you have suggestions, please comment or send me an e-mail if you're more comfortable in doing so.
Now, as far as more blogging, I'm hoping to be more inspired tonight, having had two evenings "off"; maybe there is another "Blogs of our Lives" episode to be completed. We'll see.
Most importantly, please keep Angela Messenger and her community in your prayers. The river is flooding, people are being evacuated, and Angela's house is cut off. She also has no access to internet from her home, but does from work, so keep an eye on her blog for updates. The river is expected to crest on Saturday.
Monday, June 04, 2007
More on "the Call"
Since I'm on a roll on the discernment topic, I thought that I'd actually put some advice out there gleaned from my own experience.
Many of you were not reading my blog back in the early days, so perhaps a little history is appropriate. When I began, I was discerning a call to religious life. I heard "the call" on one of my first trips to the adoration chapel, and it completely freaked me out. I literally FLED the chapel, I was so rattled. Then a pendulum began to swing...one day I was so attracted to religious life I was ready to get rid of all my stuff and get on with it. The next day I'd get up and the idea would be completely abhorrent to me. Then the pendulum began to swing wider, so I'd go days leaning in one direction, and days in another. This moved into weeks.
But whenever the pendulum had swung into the negative, it seemed that someone would randomly approach me and ask if I had a Vocation. I would always deny them because I did not want to admit what was going on in my mind. I was not ready, and I was not sure.
Whenever the pendulum was in the positive position, I'd be on the internet researching various communities, I'd watch EWTN (they often interview various orders), I'd be praying my heart out, ready to lay it all on the line. And then it would all disappear. I was in complete agony, and literally felt like I was being torn in two.
Finally I revealed to a few people what I was thinking, cringing as I waited for them to laugh at me. (You'd have to know me...I'm the LAST person on earth you'd think would consider such a thing, especially as I was a recent revert.) Then I told a few more people, and a few more. Thankfully, most of them just offered me their prayers and support, and I will be eternally grateful for that.
Now, all that said, I'm going to share with you a few "To do's" and "Not To Do's" that I learned in this experience, and - it's directed at YOU.
WHAT NOT TO DO:
I have been quite headstrong for a very long time, and I have always been a very "driven" person. Whatever I wanted, I went after, and that's what lead me into law enforcement and firefighting. I worked hard, knowing there might be failure or even death in there somewhere, but there were results from the difficulties.
However, discernment is not a job search. Hard work may be required, but more importantly, prayer is needed. Good research may be needed and helpful, but if God is excluded from the search and discernment becomes all about qualifications, it ain't gonna happen.
Yet I could not keep that tendency to want to be in the driver's seat out of my discernment, so God used that as a lesson for me; every time I wanted to do something, like go on a Search and Discover retreat, or go visit a couple communities for a discernment retreat, it wouldn't work out!
And I knew that as things weren't working, I needed to slow down. I realized I was trying to be in charge, but God was trying to tell me to stop and listen, not charge full-steam ahead. So I listened, and I backed down, having an interior knowledge that the time wasn't right.
That's when certain people I knew began demanding to know why I wasn't doing this or that, why I wasn't attending X retreat, why I wasn't doing everything I could to overcome these obstacles they interpreted as Satan getting in my way.
I knew that it wasn't Satan; he was far more subtle. The roadblocks came from God, and time has taught me that this was indeed the case. Had I gone on those weekends, it would have been a mistake.
The problem was that some people saw discernment as something like a job search, and determined that I wasn't doing enough or wasn't pursuing something when THEY decided it should be done.
I became very irritated throughout this. It was really hard to sit back and hear God's voice when a thousand people were shouting their preferences and opinions at me, emailing me religious communities I had already looked at or just had no interest in, and I think 10 people sent me the same link to a religious life resource I'd found months before when I first began my research.
Every time some people saw me, they were asking for results, and if I had nothing to say they falsely judged I was doing nothing. But I WAS doing something: I was trying to listen to God and not parishioner X.
So, my friends, that's what not to do. Don't try to take control of someone else's discernment; remember that this is a very personal, mystical process involving a soul and God and no one else, save for a qualified Spiritual Director. It's not like sending out cover letters and resumes. It's all about learning to listen to God and understand His will, not the will of Ms. Well-Meaning Friend.
What I ultimately discerned was not that I was Called, but rather, God was getting my attention. He was asking me to look around, consider the possibilities, and above all, learn to hear HIS voice over and above all the racket, and in many ways, to overcome my own will.
Yes, I still have questions, and I'll admit I have not ruled out the potential of being Called. However, I no longer believe that this is what God is calling me to do. He is most certainly calling me to something, for He has a specific place for each one of us. For now, God is teaching me to live in the present, and I think the source of my frustration is that I still am seeking to know and control my future, whatever it involves.
God has placed me in the midst of a wonderful parish and He has put me to work. He has surrounded me with wonderful, faithful Catholics so that I might be inspired by their example, and learn to be more like them. He has made me a teacher, He has given me a home, and He is asking me to wait and trust and let Him reveal what is to become of me.
I will not be researching any religious communities, unless I do so for my book idea. It really is behind me, no matter what the angst of my last few posts have indicated to you. I was somewhat sad to realize that God was not calling me to religious life, and sometimes I remember that sweet ache, but in reality, that life and I are not suited for each other. As Fr. V. pointed in in the comments section in one of the posts, parishes need faithful Catholics willing to offer what they can, and right now, that's where I'm called to be.
Definitely invite people you know to consider their appropriate Vocations, and then let them be. Don't hound them. Don't overwhelm them with info without being requested to do so, and don't inflict your timeline upon them. Let them learn to listen to God, and they can do this more easily without your well-intentioned assistance.
DO be available to assist where needed, be a listening ear but try to hold your advice, and only give advice when you've had time to pray about it yourself. Offer your prayers, and if the discerning person needs any physical assistance (like a house or pet sitter, etc.) do what you can or offer to help find someone to take care of those needs. Often the practical hands-on assistance is needed; unsolicited advice, not so much.
Always remember that discernment is part of a very in-depth conversation with God and God alone, whether it is you who are discerning or someone else. God does not move suddenly (usually), so if you invite someone to consider the priesthood or religious life and a few months later they haven't applied somewhere, let them be. Just pray for them, offer your intentions to God, and let that person know they are in your prayers.
There is nothing more powerful than prayer, and nothing more helpful.
Many of you were not reading my blog back in the early days, so perhaps a little history is appropriate. When I began, I was discerning a call to religious life. I heard "the call" on one of my first trips to the adoration chapel, and it completely freaked me out. I literally FLED the chapel, I was so rattled. Then a pendulum began to swing...one day I was so attracted to religious life I was ready to get rid of all my stuff and get on with it. The next day I'd get up and the idea would be completely abhorrent to me. Then the pendulum began to swing wider, so I'd go days leaning in one direction, and days in another. This moved into weeks.
But whenever the pendulum had swung into the negative, it seemed that someone would randomly approach me and ask if I had a Vocation. I would always deny them because I did not want to admit what was going on in my mind. I was not ready, and I was not sure.
Whenever the pendulum was in the positive position, I'd be on the internet researching various communities, I'd watch EWTN (they often interview various orders), I'd be praying my heart out, ready to lay it all on the line. And then it would all disappear. I was in complete agony, and literally felt like I was being torn in two.
Finally I revealed to a few people what I was thinking, cringing as I waited for them to laugh at me. (You'd have to know me...I'm the LAST person on earth you'd think would consider such a thing, especially as I was a recent revert.) Then I told a few more people, and a few more. Thankfully, most of them just offered me their prayers and support, and I will be eternally grateful for that.
Now, all that said, I'm going to share with you a few "To do's" and "Not To Do's" that I learned in this experience, and - it's directed at YOU.
WHAT NOT TO DO:
I have been quite headstrong for a very long time, and I have always been a very "driven" person. Whatever I wanted, I went after, and that's what lead me into law enforcement and firefighting. I worked hard, knowing there might be failure or even death in there somewhere, but there were results from the difficulties.
However, discernment is not a job search. Hard work may be required, but more importantly, prayer is needed. Good research may be needed and helpful, but if God is excluded from the search and discernment becomes all about qualifications, it ain't gonna happen.
Yet I could not keep that tendency to want to be in the driver's seat out of my discernment, so God used that as a lesson for me; every time I wanted to do something, like go on a Search and Discover retreat, or go visit a couple communities for a discernment retreat, it wouldn't work out!
And I knew that as things weren't working, I needed to slow down. I realized I was trying to be in charge, but God was trying to tell me to stop and listen, not charge full-steam ahead. So I listened, and I backed down, having an interior knowledge that the time wasn't right.
That's when certain people I knew began demanding to know why I wasn't doing this or that, why I wasn't attending X retreat, why I wasn't doing everything I could to overcome these obstacles they interpreted as Satan getting in my way.
I knew that it wasn't Satan; he was far more subtle. The roadblocks came from God, and time has taught me that this was indeed the case. Had I gone on those weekends, it would have been a mistake.
The problem was that some people saw discernment as something like a job search, and determined that I wasn't doing enough or wasn't pursuing something when THEY decided it should be done.
I became very irritated throughout this. It was really hard to sit back and hear God's voice when a thousand people were shouting their preferences and opinions at me, emailing me religious communities I had already looked at or just had no interest in, and I think 10 people sent me the same link to a religious life resource I'd found months before when I first began my research.
Every time some people saw me, they were asking for results, and if I had nothing to say they falsely judged I was doing nothing. But I WAS doing something: I was trying to listen to God and not parishioner X.
So, my friends, that's what not to do. Don't try to take control of someone else's discernment; remember that this is a very personal, mystical process involving a soul and God and no one else, save for a qualified Spiritual Director. It's not like sending out cover letters and resumes. It's all about learning to listen to God and understand His will, not the will of Ms. Well-Meaning Friend.
What I ultimately discerned was not that I was Called, but rather, God was getting my attention. He was asking me to look around, consider the possibilities, and above all, learn to hear HIS voice over and above all the racket, and in many ways, to overcome my own will.
Yes, I still have questions, and I'll admit I have not ruled out the potential of being Called. However, I no longer believe that this is what God is calling me to do. He is most certainly calling me to something, for He has a specific place for each one of us. For now, God is teaching me to live in the present, and I think the source of my frustration is that I still am seeking to know and control my future, whatever it involves.
God has placed me in the midst of a wonderful parish and He has put me to work. He has surrounded me with wonderful, faithful Catholics so that I might be inspired by their example, and learn to be more like them. He has made me a teacher, He has given me a home, and He is asking me to wait and trust and let Him reveal what is to become of me.
I will not be researching any religious communities, unless I do so for my book idea. It really is behind me, no matter what the angst of my last few posts have indicated to you. I was somewhat sad to realize that God was not calling me to religious life, and sometimes I remember that sweet ache, but in reality, that life and I are not suited for each other. As Fr. V. pointed in in the comments section in one of the posts, parishes need faithful Catholics willing to offer what they can, and right now, that's where I'm called to be.
Definitely invite people you know to consider their appropriate Vocations, and then let them be. Don't hound them. Don't overwhelm them with info without being requested to do so, and don't inflict your timeline upon them. Let them learn to listen to God, and they can do this more easily without your well-intentioned assistance.
DO be available to assist where needed, be a listening ear but try to hold your advice, and only give advice when you've had time to pray about it yourself. Offer your prayers, and if the discerning person needs any physical assistance (like a house or pet sitter, etc.) do what you can or offer to help find someone to take care of those needs. Often the practical hands-on assistance is needed; unsolicited advice, not so much.
Always remember that discernment is part of a very in-depth conversation with God and God alone, whether it is you who are discerning or someone else. God does not move suddenly (usually), so if you invite someone to consider the priesthood or religious life and a few months later they haven't applied somewhere, let them be. Just pray for them, offer your intentions to God, and let that person know they are in your prayers.
There is nothing more powerful than prayer, and nothing more helpful.
Sunday, June 03, 2007
Invitation to Vocation
Today I was doing hospitality at the morning Masses (four of them) as part of a ministry with which I'm involved at our parish.
After the last Mass, as we were cleaning up, one of our three priests and I were conversing about a few things. At some point, in response to something, Father asked me if I'd considered becoming a nun.
(smk, stop laughing!)
People, that is the FIRST time a priest has asked me that Question. And truth be told, I'm flattered, because that question from a priest means more than that question from any of the laity.
Why?
Because priests go through extensive discernment, they know how important that Question is, and I don't think any of them (that I know) ask it lightly. So I take it as a highest compliment. Please correct me if I am wrong to do so.
Just to be clear, I am not disparaging any of our other priests or any other priests I know for NOT asking that question of me. A couple years ago the topic had come up with them and I had revealed my discernment. Why bring it up again? They know that if I had questions, I would bring those questions to them. Discernment is not about hounding; it is about seeking God's will, and it is a highly mystical and personal thing. That, and they may be too polite to point out that there is no way God would choose someone like me.
(Tongue firmly implanted in cheek.)
So, that now behind us, I told Father that yes, I had considered it before, and I don't think I'm called.
"REALLY??!!???" He asked. There was actually a note of surprise in his tone.
In turn, I was surprised to hear that note. His genuine surprise told me that he had asked the Question in sincerity, and in that same sincerity, was surprised by my negative answer. As he seemed to be seeking an explanation, I told him that I had discerned, I don't see myself living in community, etc., and I thought that it was a closed door. At the same time, I admitted that every so often I see a Community on EWTN, either Brothers or Sisters, listen to their stories, learn of their apostolates, and I think, "Yeah, I could do that!"
I admitted to him that I'm conflicted, and I have NO IDEA where I belong or what God is asking of me.
This wonderful priest, who hails from war-torn Vietnam, who left as a refugee, said to me, "So you are lost!"
Father knows about being a refugee from first-hand experience, and I think that he sees many of we natural-born Americans as being spirtual refugees. He recognized me as one of them.
In so few words, he summed up my whole life and my entire discernment. I'm an emotional person, and in hearing that truth, I nearly burst into tears. (I didn't, but wanted to. It's so good to be understood!)
"YES! I'M COMPLETELY LOST!" I had to state this truth, because he knew it already.
He smiled, understanding my dilemma, acknowledging it's a hard place to be inhabiting, but he didn't offer any advice. I'm not sure any advice would be helpful; this is God's territory, no one else's. And this priest recognizes this.
I also told him about my book idea, he liked it, and agreed that for women, it's so hard to find a community, especially a faithful one. He agreed Vocations Directors, most of whom really want to help, have their hands tied. He also was very candid about the majority of women's religious communities who "kicked the habit" also kicked the Church out of their lives and have become pagan in practice and "theology." He even named local orders.
My respect for this priest has just grown in leaps and bounds. He's not afraid to call a spade a spade, and acknowledge evil where it exists.
As usual, you may be asking what is the point of all of this?
So I'll tell you...this post is mostly directed at priests. There are a few of you in my "audience", and you know who you are, even if I don't.
I'm not sure that Father's invitation to me really makes a difference or not, but I can tell you this; his invitation is a compliment. We, the faithful, especially those of us who are single, need direction. We need to be invited. Some singles have NOT considered all of our options, but the word of a priest we respect goes a very long ways. That goes for men and women both.
Maybe you wonder why; I'm certain they never taught you this in the seminary, so I'm happy to explain. The reality is this: you are our Spiritual Fathers, whether you are younger, the same age, or older than we are. You typically know more about the spiritual life than most of us do (I hope!), and you know all about discernment and how hard it is. You also know the power of the Invitation, the power of the Question because at some point, you experienced it.
I think you also have the ability to see those of us who are lost, and if you are unsure, please consider us to be lost until you find out otherwise. It's always wise to err on the side of caution, and I doubt you will ever offend anyone by asking them if they have considered God might be calling them to something. This does not just apply to religious life, but to other "every day" charisms as well.
(As an aside, if this question is offensive to them, you have another pastoral concern and you may want to consider calling an exorcist).
Seriously, you're in a wonderful position to serve as both the voice of God and as an anchor for those of us who could really use the help. Those of us who are faithful to the Church recognize your authority, we recognize the reality of your own sacrifice, and if you see something in us that speaks to the ability to offer the same tpe of sacrifice, it means a great deal. We look up to you, we WANT your advice, we appreciate your willingness to listen, to speak, and to guide. I'm certain you may feel incapable some of the time or even all of the time, but please know that God doesn't care what you feel; He cares that you take the time to recognize and invite.
Father's comments today have made a big impression on me, not so much for my sake but for the sake of others. I'll admit I may still be Called, even though I have doubts...in any case, it makes a huge difference when someone we see as a Spiritual Father is willing to extend that word of encouragement, for even if we are not Called, it means that Jesus is present in us, Jesus is using our hands, our voices, our very beings, to complete His work...and there is no greater encouragement than that.
Pastorally, if all you accomplish is a validation of our work and our value in the Church, then you have done your duty. Just as we are all meant to be Jesus' hands, we can also be your hands, and we all want to be useful and our work valued. Please, call us, ask us to offer our gifts, and validate our offerings, even if God has different designs on our lives.
Just a few things for priests (and anyone else who cares to answer) to consider:
* To whom to do you extend this Question? ie, what qualities?
* Do you focus only on men who may consider the priesthood, or do you consider other vocations (for men)?
* Do you actively invite women to discern religious life?
* Do you recommend men to consider a celibate vocation as non-ordained religious life?
* Being that I am a woman, and thus have an agenda, how can you help women discern and enter religious life? Do you have contacts? Do you care? Would you do all you could to help your spiritual daughters discern God's will?
* Again, coming from a faithful female perspective: what can and are you doing to encourage women to enter religious life and what advice can you give?
* Do you realize how important your Invitation is to women you know????
After the last Mass, as we were cleaning up, one of our three priests and I were conversing about a few things. At some point, in response to something, Father asked me if I'd considered becoming a nun.
(smk, stop laughing!)
People, that is the FIRST time a priest has asked me that Question. And truth be told, I'm flattered, because that question from a priest means more than that question from any of the laity.
Why?
Because priests go through extensive discernment, they know how important that Question is, and I don't think any of them (that I know) ask it lightly. So I take it as a highest compliment. Please correct me if I am wrong to do so.
Just to be clear, I am not disparaging any of our other priests or any other priests I know for NOT asking that question of me. A couple years ago the topic had come up with them and I had revealed my discernment. Why bring it up again? They know that if I had questions, I would bring those questions to them. Discernment is not about hounding; it is about seeking God's will, and it is a highly mystical and personal thing. That, and they may be too polite to point out that there is no way God would choose someone like me.
(Tongue firmly implanted in cheek.)
So, that now behind us, I told Father that yes, I had considered it before, and I don't think I'm called.
"REALLY??!!???" He asked. There was actually a note of surprise in his tone.
In turn, I was surprised to hear that note. His genuine surprise told me that he had asked the Question in sincerity, and in that same sincerity, was surprised by my negative answer. As he seemed to be seeking an explanation, I told him that I had discerned, I don't see myself living in community, etc., and I thought that it was a closed door. At the same time, I admitted that every so often I see a Community on EWTN, either Brothers or Sisters, listen to their stories, learn of their apostolates, and I think, "Yeah, I could do that!"
I admitted to him that I'm conflicted, and I have NO IDEA where I belong or what God is asking of me.
This wonderful priest, who hails from war-torn Vietnam, who left as a refugee, said to me, "So you are lost!"
Father knows about being a refugee from first-hand experience, and I think that he sees many of we natural-born Americans as being spirtual refugees. He recognized me as one of them.
In so few words, he summed up my whole life and my entire discernment. I'm an emotional person, and in hearing that truth, I nearly burst into tears. (I didn't, but wanted to. It's so good to be understood!)
"YES! I'M COMPLETELY LOST!" I had to state this truth, because he knew it already.
He smiled, understanding my dilemma, acknowledging it's a hard place to be inhabiting, but he didn't offer any advice. I'm not sure any advice would be helpful; this is God's territory, no one else's. And this priest recognizes this.
I also told him about my book idea, he liked it, and agreed that for women, it's so hard to find a community, especially a faithful one. He agreed Vocations Directors, most of whom really want to help, have their hands tied. He also was very candid about the majority of women's religious communities who "kicked the habit" also kicked the Church out of their lives and have become pagan in practice and "theology." He even named local orders.
My respect for this priest has just grown in leaps and bounds. He's not afraid to call a spade a spade, and acknowledge evil where it exists.
As usual, you may be asking what is the point of all of this?
So I'll tell you...this post is mostly directed at priests. There are a few of you in my "audience", and you know who you are, even if I don't.
I'm not sure that Father's invitation to me really makes a difference or not, but I can tell you this; his invitation is a compliment. We, the faithful, especially those of us who are single, need direction. We need to be invited. Some singles have NOT considered all of our options, but the word of a priest we respect goes a very long ways. That goes for men and women both.
Maybe you wonder why; I'm certain they never taught you this in the seminary, so I'm happy to explain. The reality is this: you are our Spiritual Fathers, whether you are younger, the same age, or older than we are. You typically know more about the spiritual life than most of us do (I hope!), and you know all about discernment and how hard it is. You also know the power of the Invitation, the power of the Question because at some point, you experienced it.
I think you also have the ability to see those of us who are lost, and if you are unsure, please consider us to be lost until you find out otherwise. It's always wise to err on the side of caution, and I doubt you will ever offend anyone by asking them if they have considered God might be calling them to something. This does not just apply to religious life, but to other "every day" charisms as well.
(As an aside, if this question is offensive to them, you have another pastoral concern and you may want to consider calling an exorcist).
Seriously, you're in a wonderful position to serve as both the voice of God and as an anchor for those of us who could really use the help. Those of us who are faithful to the Church recognize your authority, we recognize the reality of your own sacrifice, and if you see something in us that speaks to the ability to offer the same tpe of sacrifice, it means a great deal. We look up to you, we WANT your advice, we appreciate your willingness to listen, to speak, and to guide. I'm certain you may feel incapable some of the time or even all of the time, but please know that God doesn't care what you feel; He cares that you take the time to recognize and invite.
Father's comments today have made a big impression on me, not so much for my sake but for the sake of others. I'll admit I may still be Called, even though I have doubts...in any case, it makes a huge difference when someone we see as a Spiritual Father is willing to extend that word of encouragement, for even if we are not Called, it means that Jesus is present in us, Jesus is using our hands, our voices, our very beings, to complete His work...and there is no greater encouragement than that.
Pastorally, if all you accomplish is a validation of our work and our value in the Church, then you have done your duty. Just as we are all meant to be Jesus' hands, we can also be your hands, and we all want to be useful and our work valued. Please, call us, ask us to offer our gifts, and validate our offerings, even if God has different designs on our lives.
Just a few things for priests (and anyone else who cares to answer) to consider:
* To whom to do you extend this Question? ie, what qualities?
* Do you focus only on men who may consider the priesthood, or do you consider other vocations (for men)?
* Do you actively invite women to discern religious life?
* Do you recommend men to consider a celibate vocation as non-ordained religious life?
* Being that I am a woman, and thus have an agenda, how can you help women discern and enter religious life? Do you have contacts? Do you care? Would you do all you could to help your spiritual daughters discern God's will?
* Again, coming from a faithful female perspective: what can and are you doing to encourage women to enter religious life and what advice can you give?
* Do you realize how important your Invitation is to women you know????
Saturday, June 02, 2007
Can God be Trusted?
This last semester at school (which, incidentally was also my first as a grad student), I learned a great deal and it had a huge spiritual impact on me. Thank you, John Paul the Great! His writings have greatly illuminated huge theological realities I was never taught, I did not previously understand, and having now learned them, my entire outlook on life is different.
Though his writings, I have come to learn several things about humanity, leading me, of course, to recognize even my own deep imperfections and tendencies, and WHY they exist. It is not a way of avoiding responsibility for my actions; rather, I have come to see by understanding the root, how to overcome the challenges of original sin.
So often, I come across people who cite their situations and fall into a sinful path, using their (very real) sufferings as a justification to reject God once again, wanting others to bolster their guilty consciences as a way to appease them; they want someone to endorse the actions they know are wrong, they want someone to tell them that yes, they are correct and God has it wrong this time.
I'm often guilty of this.
It's part of the human condition; to want to be God, to know good and evil, and rather than seeking the good, so often we are looking to justify the evil.
It all goes back to the Garden of Eden. God gave free rein to Adam and Eve to eat of any tree or plant in the Garden...all but one, the tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. So what did Satan do? He arrived on scene as a serpent, twisted God's words, and suggested to Eve that God had lied to them. In fact, he didn't just suggest it, he said so outright without using the word "lie".
Eve corrected the Serpent; she resisted him, but in the end, his twisted form of "logic" overcame her. She gave in to the first temptation; doubt of God, doubt of His Word, doubt of His Love.
Let us consider this, because it is a foundation of everything we choose or don't choose: it comes down to whether we trust God or not.
Eve was tempted through doubt, and this doubt lead to Pride, and it was Pride that was the first sin. Doubt is not a sin; doubt is human, for God gave us free will and the ability to reason. We are meant to doubt, because this is what we use to discern good or evil. Even though evil had not been introduced into their lives, God knew what was coming and so our first parents had the ability to doubt or to accept. In the case of the serpent, Adam and Eve learned to doubt God. Through their doubt, they gave in to the Serpent's twisted and empty promise to be "like God". They gave in to the actual sin of Pride, and they ate of the fruit.
They learned disobedience, and immediately began to blame each other. They learned shame, and we see that as sin entered the world, doubt of God was proliferated and at its core, it {sin} ruptures relationships. It certainly ruptured humanity’s relationship with God.
This leads to our history, the history of humanity. Note that God NEVER did anything to disrupt the relationship with Man. God has always been faithful to His promises; it was us, as humanity, who turned our backs on God. It is always WE who turn away and choose to listen to the Serpent, that very creature that still whispers false promises to us, encouraging us to know better than God what is good for us.
Read the Bible; throughout history, it has ALWAYS been Man who severed the relationship with God and with others. And in the entire history of the Bible, it has always been God who initiated the reconciliation, through the law, through the prophets, through the incarnation of His only Son, sent to reverse the sin of Adam, through Mary's fiat, given to reverse the sin of Eve.
The entire Bible is a love story; it is about God seeking reunification with we who continue to reject Him. Jesus is the definitive answer, but we still have the responsibility to either trust God, or to fall back in distrust of God.
With every decision we make, the main question we need to ask of ourselves is this:
Do I trust God?
If we trust God, we will follow His precepts. We will remain faithful, especially when it's difficult. We will resist the lisp of the Serpent who seeks our ruin, but whose words are so sweet in our ears.
If we do not trust God, we will repeat the sin in the Garden; we will give in to our own preferences, our own Pride, and we will call our Pride the "Holy Spirit" and justify our actions and attitudes, even if they are in complete disagreement with the teaching authority established by Jesus Christ himself, that of the Magisterium.
The Garden we live in now is a complicated place, but it doesn't have to be so; in reality, we can make this very simple; we can either have childlike trust in God and His loving will for us...or we can beat our own path, leaving Christ bleeding on the Cross, suffering even in the face of our continued rejection of him.
Yet God has proven throughout history that He can be trusted; it is we, humanity, that continues to reject God.
The next time you have to make a big decision, spend time gazing upon the crucifix, the sign of ultimate love for us, and ask yourself if your own suffering even compares to what Jesus has done for you. Just as God sees you through the wounds of Christ, learn to look through Christ's wounds and see the Father...and then you will have your answer.
Though his writings, I have come to learn several things about humanity, leading me, of course, to recognize even my own deep imperfections and tendencies, and WHY they exist. It is not a way of avoiding responsibility for my actions; rather, I have come to see by understanding the root, how to overcome the challenges of original sin.
So often, I come across people who cite their situations and fall into a sinful path, using their (very real) sufferings as a justification to reject God once again, wanting others to bolster their guilty consciences as a way to appease them; they want someone to endorse the actions they know are wrong, they want someone to tell them that yes, they are correct and God has it wrong this time.
I'm often guilty of this.
It's part of the human condition; to want to be God, to know good and evil, and rather than seeking the good, so often we are looking to justify the evil.
It all goes back to the Garden of Eden. God gave free rein to Adam and Eve to eat of any tree or plant in the Garden...all but one, the tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. So what did Satan do? He arrived on scene as a serpent, twisted God's words, and suggested to Eve that God had lied to them. In fact, he didn't just suggest it, he said so outright without using the word "lie".
Eve corrected the Serpent; she resisted him, but in the end, his twisted form of "logic" overcame her. She gave in to the first temptation; doubt of God, doubt of His Word, doubt of His Love.
Let us consider this, because it is a foundation of everything we choose or don't choose: it comes down to whether we trust God or not.
Eve was tempted through doubt, and this doubt lead to Pride, and it was Pride that was the first sin. Doubt is not a sin; doubt is human, for God gave us free will and the ability to reason. We are meant to doubt, because this is what we use to discern good or evil. Even though evil had not been introduced into their lives, God knew what was coming and so our first parents had the ability to doubt or to accept. In the case of the serpent, Adam and Eve learned to doubt God. Through their doubt, they gave in to the Serpent's twisted and empty promise to be "like God". They gave in to the actual sin of Pride, and they ate of the fruit.
They learned disobedience, and immediately began to blame each other. They learned shame, and we see that as sin entered the world, doubt of God was proliferated and at its core, it {sin} ruptures relationships. It certainly ruptured humanity’s relationship with God.
This leads to our history, the history of humanity. Note that God NEVER did anything to disrupt the relationship with Man. God has always been faithful to His promises; it was us, as humanity, who turned our backs on God. It is always WE who turn away and choose to listen to the Serpent, that very creature that still whispers false promises to us, encouraging us to know better than God what is good for us.
Read the Bible; throughout history, it has ALWAYS been Man who severed the relationship with God and with others. And in the entire history of the Bible, it has always been God who initiated the reconciliation, through the law, through the prophets, through the incarnation of His only Son, sent to reverse the sin of Adam, through Mary's fiat, given to reverse the sin of Eve.
The entire Bible is a love story; it is about God seeking reunification with we who continue to reject Him. Jesus is the definitive answer, but we still have the responsibility to either trust God, or to fall back in distrust of God.
With every decision we make, the main question we need to ask of ourselves is this:
Do I trust God?
If we trust God, we will follow His precepts. We will remain faithful, especially when it's difficult. We will resist the lisp of the Serpent who seeks our ruin, but whose words are so sweet in our ears.
If we do not trust God, we will repeat the sin in the Garden; we will give in to our own preferences, our own Pride, and we will call our Pride the "Holy Spirit" and justify our actions and attitudes, even if they are in complete disagreement with the teaching authority established by Jesus Christ himself, that of the Magisterium.
The Garden we live in now is a complicated place, but it doesn't have to be so; in reality, we can make this very simple; we can either have childlike trust in God and His loving will for us...or we can beat our own path, leaving Christ bleeding on the Cross, suffering even in the face of our continued rejection of him.
Yet God has proven throughout history that He can be trusted; it is we, humanity, that continues to reject God.
The next time you have to make a big decision, spend time gazing upon the crucifix, the sign of ultimate love for us, and ask yourself if your own suffering even compares to what Jesus has done for you. Just as God sees you through the wounds of Christ, learn to look through Christ's wounds and see the Father...and then you will have your answer.
Friday, June 01, 2007
Writing From the Heart of Faith
I'm going to share my dream with you. It's a dream that just came up in the combox below, but one that has been on my heart for a long time. A couple years, anyway.
I think it's obvious I want to be a writer, and to a certain degree, I AM a writer. I'm not sure who said it, but I do think a famous person defined a writer not as someone with a long list of publication credits, but rather, as someone who MUST write. I am the latter. I have few credits to my name, but if I did not write, I don't know what I'd do.
So, the background to my dream:
A few years ago, while I was discerning the religious life, I read a book called, "UNVEILED, The Hidden Lives of Nuns" by Cheryl L. Reed.
Ms. Reed, a journalist by profession, was raised fundamentalist and attended a Catholic church as an adult, but did not convert because she had the grace to admit she wanted to pick and choose what she believed, so she converted to Orthodoxy. Sadly, I think she was not well catechized there, either, and was an apparant Cafeteria Orthodox. I do not think she had evil intentions; rather, she was a secularist, not a Catholic, and while I appreciate an outsider's view, she could not do justice to the beauty of our faith.
Anyway, as a journalist with no real understanding of Catholicism, she went into several convents, monasteries, cloisters, and homes to experience the lives of sisters and nuns. I have to admit it's a good idea, and she did not limit her experience to the "progressive" or "liberal" orders to which she was clearly most sympathetic. She also entered the traditional, severe orders such as the Redemptorists, Trappists, and Passionists.
She told the story as any media pundit would tell it, not understanding Catholicism, thus she saw the dissident communities as actually on par or superior to the faithful communities. The book made me embarassed for Catholicism due to the rampant disregard for the Truth. I felt that she made the faithful orders appear to be superstitious and strange, which must be how she saw them in her nearly faithless perspective.
I could not get through the book. I often had to put it down, and this book did more to push me AWAY from religious life than anything else. But I'm not an idiot so I did not let her perspective affect my own discernment. Which is why I put the book down when I got angry. I did eventually get through most of it by piecemeal or by skimming, but by then, an idea began to form.
I'm Catholic, and I'm doing my best to be a faithful Catholic. I'm doing my best to know and understand and teach the faith as it was handed down from Jesus Christ himself. I pray that when I teach, it is Jesus who speaks through me, with all the authority of the Church, not the authority of Adoro.
So....my idea is this:
Take up this same project, but from a different perspective: Visit these communities and write about them from the eyes of faith, the knowledge of the Church, and make the book not just informative, but a spiritual testament of the vibrancy of religious life in America. I would like to visit male orders also but I don't think that would work, so I would suggest that a male author take up a parallel project and complete that part.
In any case, I would love to spend some time with various communities, from days to weeks at a time depending upon how such a thing would work out, live with them, pray with them, write about them, learn from them...and not only tell their stories, but share their wisdom and spirituality. I would focus on the faithful communities.
Because I don't see how an unknown author such as myself would be able to take up such a project, I have not considered the specifics. But if I could do this, I fully believe it could be done even while I am in grad school (Ave Maria program meets once per month, all weekend long, leaving the rest of the month free). Such a project paired with solid theology in grad school...what treasures God could bring out of that intellectual and prayerful marriage!
I can't do it as my life stands now. I have seen magazines and writer's books reference grants, but I don't know if there's a grant large enough to cover my mortgage, association fee, etc., my bills, my dogs, and the travel expenses needed to follow this project. I wouldn't want to sell my house because the project would not be permanent, and I'd need a home base to utilize in the actual writing of the manuscript. Besides, I just learned my new printer has fax capabilities.
I think projects like this are usually commissioned by a publisher, and I have no idea how to even seek that out. I know a book like this would sell, but if I didn't already have a publisher asking for it, then I'd need a sponsor, and that person would have to put up a lot of cash on an unknown with no guarantees.
So for now, it's just a dream, but I like this dream, and if God gave me the ability, I'd love to carry it out. There's a certain community down in Nebraska that would be first on my list. (You know who you are!)
So what do you think? I know some of my regular readers are professional writers, and I know that most of you are faithful Catholics. Would you buy such a book? Would you sponsor such an endeavor? Does the Serra Club have any grants for unknown authors who have big dreams?
I think it's obvious I want to be a writer, and to a certain degree, I AM a writer. I'm not sure who said it, but I do think a famous person defined a writer not as someone with a long list of publication credits, but rather, as someone who MUST write. I am the latter. I have few credits to my name, but if I did not write, I don't know what I'd do.
So, the background to my dream:
A few years ago, while I was discerning the religious life, I read a book called, "UNVEILED, The Hidden Lives of Nuns" by Cheryl L. Reed.
Ms. Reed, a journalist by profession, was raised fundamentalist and attended a Catholic church as an adult, but did not convert because she had the grace to admit she wanted to pick and choose what she believed, so she converted to Orthodoxy. Sadly, I think she was not well catechized there, either, and was an apparant Cafeteria Orthodox. I do not think she had evil intentions; rather, she was a secularist, not a Catholic, and while I appreciate an outsider's view, she could not do justice to the beauty of our faith.
Anyway, as a journalist with no real understanding of Catholicism, she went into several convents, monasteries, cloisters, and homes to experience the lives of sisters and nuns. I have to admit it's a good idea, and she did not limit her experience to the "progressive" or "liberal" orders to which she was clearly most sympathetic. She also entered the traditional, severe orders such as the Redemptorists, Trappists, and Passionists.
She told the story as any media pundit would tell it, not understanding Catholicism, thus she saw the dissident communities as actually on par or superior to the faithful communities. The book made me embarassed for Catholicism due to the rampant disregard for the Truth. I felt that she made the faithful orders appear to be superstitious and strange, which must be how she saw them in her nearly faithless perspective.
I could not get through the book. I often had to put it down, and this book did more to push me AWAY from religious life than anything else. But I'm not an idiot so I did not let her perspective affect my own discernment. Which is why I put the book down when I got angry. I did eventually get through most of it by piecemeal or by skimming, but by then, an idea began to form.
I'm Catholic, and I'm doing my best to be a faithful Catholic. I'm doing my best to know and understand and teach the faith as it was handed down from Jesus Christ himself. I pray that when I teach, it is Jesus who speaks through me, with all the authority of the Church, not the authority of Adoro.
So....my idea is this:
Take up this same project, but from a different perspective: Visit these communities and write about them from the eyes of faith, the knowledge of the Church, and make the book not just informative, but a spiritual testament of the vibrancy of religious life in America. I would like to visit male orders also but I don't think that would work, so I would suggest that a male author take up a parallel project and complete that part.
In any case, I would love to spend some time with various communities, from days to weeks at a time depending upon how such a thing would work out, live with them, pray with them, write about them, learn from them...and not only tell their stories, but share their wisdom and spirituality. I would focus on the faithful communities.
Because I don't see how an unknown author such as myself would be able to take up such a project, I have not considered the specifics. But if I could do this, I fully believe it could be done even while I am in grad school (Ave Maria program meets once per month, all weekend long, leaving the rest of the month free). Such a project paired with solid theology in grad school...what treasures God could bring out of that intellectual and prayerful marriage!
I can't do it as my life stands now. I have seen magazines and writer's books reference grants, but I don't know if there's a grant large enough to cover my mortgage, association fee, etc., my bills, my dogs, and the travel expenses needed to follow this project. I wouldn't want to sell my house because the project would not be permanent, and I'd need a home base to utilize in the actual writing of the manuscript. Besides, I just learned my new printer has fax capabilities.
I think projects like this are usually commissioned by a publisher, and I have no idea how to even seek that out. I know a book like this would sell, but if I didn't already have a publisher asking for it, then I'd need a sponsor, and that person would have to put up a lot of cash on an unknown with no guarantees.
So for now, it's just a dream, but I like this dream, and if God gave me the ability, I'd love to carry it out. There's a certain community down in Nebraska that would be first on my list. (You know who you are!)
So what do you think? I know some of my regular readers are professional writers, and I know that most of you are faithful Catholics. Would you buy such a book? Would you sponsor such an endeavor? Does the Serra Club have any grants for unknown authors who have big dreams?
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Sister of Perpetual Discernment
I don't know where I saw that phrase, but I like it. It's so true, for too many.
Just when I think I had it all figured out, I must, in all humility, admit that I DON'T. I don't have a clue. I have no idea what's going to happen next and I'm not even willing to hazard a guess anymore. And humility is not my strong suit.
Even further, I can't believe I'm writing this post. A certain Sister I know is likely falling out of her chair 'bout now, reading this, ready to dash off an email to me.
I had ruled out religious life. I hadn't ruled in married life (no one on the horizon), and had just come to be comfortable with the idea of perpetual single life...although truth be told, that "comfort level" is just a sham. I made it up.
Tonight, EWTN had a few Brothers on, and as usual, when I watch these shows, I think, "I could do that. I like that MUCH better than what I'm doing NOW!".
I like prayer, although I'm often distracted, and I get bored with the Rosary (There! I said it!), I don’t like praying the rosary with a large group, I'm lazy and most of the time I think I'm entirely useless to God or anyone else, but here I am. My regular, willful, confused, train-wreck of myself, wondering if I should open that door I already closed. Does anyone really WANT me to open that door?
I don't think I'm called to religious life, but I'm going to admit that I haven't fully let it go. Or rather, it hasn't let me go. I had a terrible family life; I can't see myself in a community setting and able to deal with it. Then again, it's not as if I'm a stranger to dysfunction, but that's why I crave stability, and is stability really an option in community living? I mean, really. Let's be honest. People are human all over the place and all of us have our various disorders. We're all disordered in some way. It's called "the effect of original sin." Yup.
But then I watch these shows and I start wondering again. God knows I haven't found success in the professional world. On the surface, maybe. On the surface, it looks like I'm making decent money, I own a house, a car, dogs, I have good credit, I'm heading off to grad school (maybe), and man, I'm "livin' the dream!"
Yeah. Some dream. I'm miserable. Completely miserable. My joy is in my faith, my joy is in the gift of life God gave me, my joy is in the Lord. But when I take a step back in the midst of that joy, I know I'm completely wretched, because I haven't figured out where I belong. I so envy people who know where they belong, even with all their own trials. I don't want their lives, don't get me wrong. I just want their secure knowledge of Vocation. I don't have that, and some days I wonder if I'll ever have it. I’m completely adrift, being pulled by different currents, sometimes left to float, abandoned, always trying to keep my eyes on the cross. Unfortunately, the crucified Jesus does not speak from the cross in ways that give obvious direction. “Offer it up” isn’t going far enough these days.
There's a big piece missing somewhere, and some mornings I wake up in complete terror, thinking I've lost it forever. Except that I know God is faithful and He remembers the location of whatever I've misplaced, or whatever someone else has hidden from me.
Back in high school, when I revealed to people that I wanted to be a cop, they laughed at me. Some of them, anyway. The cops I knew didn't and took me under their wings. I'll be eternally grateful because it was their support that fueled me through the difficult training (all the more difficult being a woman). In High School, I was quiet, I was "a brain", and I was a troubled kid. Of course, the school didn't know it because the troubles were kept under the surface. No one knew of my suicidal leanings, few knew of my days as a runaway, but every time I jumped, God was there for me.
I remember one day, having dodged flying objects all night due to one of Mom's psychotic rampages (bipolar), I had packed a few things and fled to school, praying that my best friend's family would take me in for the night. I didn't care if I had to sleep in a box. In my hand I gripped a permission form Mom had refused to sign because she thought it was a commitment order or a death order or some such thing. I was 17 years old, and Mom wouldn't let me go on a class field trip. And it wasn't so much the field trip as the helpless of my situation. I spoke with the guidance counselor that day, some to do with upcoming college admission, and he suggested I look into Minor Emancipation, and sent me to the Principal. I ended up presenting myself before a surprised Principal, in whose office I had never been, in tears, in panic, and explaining my Mom's illness. I explained that the GC had sent me to him for info on a Minor Emancipation. He was surprised to see me; I'd never been in trouble, I was one of the "bright" kids, and it was so rare for one of the top students to come from such a position with such a request.
He had a file in front of him, I remember, and he told me that he didn't think such a court proceeding was the way to go. I learned that day that our Principal was a compassionate man ruled by a great deal of common sense; he suggested that in the event, throughout what remained of the year, if a permission slip was needed he would accept the signature of another adult (I had to give him some names; that of my best friend's parents, and he knew them as they were affiliated with the schools, and of my aunt and uncle), or I could simply bring the issue to him and he would assist.
I left the office, still in tears, but this time, with hope. Just one of the times God caught me before I went off the deep end. God is faithful.
Skip ahead...I worked hard to do what I thought I was called to do, only to fail. Again and again, I have failed. God has given me what I needed, and he's made me rip through thorns both natural and those of my own choosing, but he's provided results.
I used to have my life planned out. I was going to be on the SWAT team. I was going to be a canine officer. (Um...I DO have a German Shepherd). I was going to own horses. I was going to be married, maybe have a family, I didn't know about that. Well, law enforcement lead to disaster, other trials lead to other trials while outside of work, my volunteer work in ski patrol (training) and working in probation as a volunteer exceeded my wildest expectations. On paper, I was the stuff.
In reality, I was lost. So lost.
Then I met my boyfriend, a firefighter, who lead me into another childhood dream I hadn't wanted to admit; to be a firefighter. He thought I could do it, I at first argued, then let him talk me into it. He helped me train, he introduced me to some of his friends who were likewise enthused at the idea, and once I got into training for the test, I had the scent and I went after it.
I ended up being hired...over 3,000 applied for that job, not many got it. I was in the second class. I kicked butt in the physical test, but I'd trained hard for it. The interview seemed tailor made for my experience.
But my judgment proved to be just as bad there, as once I was well into training, 4 months of academic training, 3 weeks into the meat of the job (the Tower), I realized I didn't belong there. I wasn't cut out for the job. I didn't want to be there. That's when God got me out of it via an injury, and I left a piece of cartilage on the apron at the base of that tower. It cost me more to get out than it did to get in.
Admittedly, though, I'd drawn closer to God in the process.
I ended up where I am now, but that's a boring story. 'Nuff said that I'm in corporate America, working for a company based out of Cleveland, OH (the only place I haven't been sent for training), hate my job and found that I've committed professional suicide by accepting this position.
I'm stuck. But life isn't about a career...there's something more, and I'm missing it.
I'm God's wayward daughter, the one who looks good on paper but happens to be really messed up. And in reality, I have to wonder how many of us (esp. singles) feel the same way?
The world teaches us only to look good on paper. It was always about the resume, the expensive parchment with the academic degree, the money to be earned, the career to love, the children never to have. It was about the stuff.
I don't care about the stuff. If my house disappeared overnight, I don't think I'd care, as long as the mortgage went away with it. If my car disintegrated (not likely, it's plastic), I'd be thrilled. One less bill to pay...and opportunity to just get a horse. (They generate their own gas).
Most of the stuff in my house...well, there's many sentimental items, and the computer aids me in my true love (writing), and the art I've bought to grace my walls, I'd miss. But I'd get over it.
My dogs...that's the hardest; lives for which I'm responsible. But God can have them, too.
It's been a rough road, and I don't expect it to get any easier. It seems I'm only going in circles. Again and again, I'm stuck in this rut I can't seem to climb out of, and it keeps bringing me back to Vocation discernment.
It had been hard to tell my friends that I was considering a Vocation a couple years ago. I expected them to laugh at me, but they didn't. They told me they'd considered it, too, or at least thought that I should. Some had come to me independently and suggested I consider it. Telling my family was torture, and Mom, in her style, assumed I'd disappear off the face of the earth into a cloister. I had to explain to her that this is not how it works. And she admitted she knew that; she'd wanted to become a nun, and they thought her too "worldly". (This shocks me...my mother is naive as they come). She didn't regret her decision to marry and have children. But she understood what I was seeking. My brother wasn't shocked, but his girlfriend, seeking Buddhism, was amazed, but supportive.
But it was hardest to tell my then Spiritual Director (SD). Out of everyone, HE was the most difficult, I told him over the phone after much hemming and hawing, and almost died in the silence after my revelation. But he didn't condemn me, either, and he didn't laugh at me.
Of course, after everything I'd done up to that point, people had learned not to laugh at me...I usually did exactly what I told them I was going to do. Even my SD knew that and understood that if I was saying this, it was for real. And of course, he realized how hard it was for me to tell him. But this had a different element to it, something new, something that didn't originate with me like everything else had.
When I "discerned" that I wasn't Called, my friends revealed immediately that they agreed; but they had never before wanted to say so because it's a journey and they did not in any way want to discourage me. I wasn't surprised they didn't think I was called...I had gleaned from some of their reactions that they didn't think so, but then again, I'd seen that reaction before.
But as we all know, God has a sense of humor. A really big sense of humor. I still don't think I'm called, but my curiosity is back, and that door is nearly irresistible. I'm a writer...and I have not written of religious life from the inside. That's a challenge....but is it a challenge from God to attempt such a thing and remain aloof...or is it a challenge to answer a Call, created just for me, to appeal to me as He created me?
The Call is unique to the individual, and God, in his great wisdom and great humor, just LOVES to contrive ways to entice us into our Vocations.
I don't think I'm called, but somehow, that door doesn't seem to be entirely closed......
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
It's a Double Header!
Just thought I'd put up a misc. post tonight, sort of to offset the heavier topics, and because I'm not ready to go to sleep. I'll pay for that tomorrow, believe you me.
Today I started out working from home then headed into the office around 10; we were all leaving for a team outing at 11.
Now, this set the stage for a small Divine Intervention. Allow me to explain.
This morning, I got up at 5:20 or so since I wouldn't have my regular commute from home to be there by 8, but I couldn't bring myself to sleep too much later. So it was already weird, and of course, I was all ready to go to work by 7 am. I had planned to start work early, at 7:30, to make up for my commute time in the "middle" of my shortened work day. But "something" told me to take a quick run to my church...I'm a few blocks away, and we have Perpetual Adoration. I was tempted to hit the 8 am Mass, but by then, I needed to be connected to the network and working, so, unable to ignore the promptings of the Holy Spirit, I quickly locked the house and drove to the chapel, where I spent some wonderful time with Jesus. I left and had to run a quick errand, then was back home before 8 so I could connect to the network from home. Instead of pulling into the garage, as I'd be leaving shortly, I parked my car in one of our townhome "extra" spaces.
When I tried to leave, I realized I'd forgotten something and planned to run inside. I got in, having some trouble with the deadbolt lock, but I attributed it to today's humidity, and got in. I grabbed what I needed, locked knob lock, and after I pulled the door closed, I stuck my key into the deadbolt, turned it to lock it...and it didn't quite do what I wanted to do. So I twisted it back to the "unlocked" position and back to "lock" and the key was stuck. I couldn't move it. I needed to leave for work RIGHT NOW and my key was stuck in my lock.
Quite the dilemma. On one hand...the key was stuck and was not going to move. I could technically go as long as I took it off the ring with all my other keys. But then I'd have a key for my house, my unnattended house (but for the dogs) stuck there in the lock for anyone to find. Yeah, it was stuck...but what if someone knew how to "fix" it? That's a problem.
I took a deep breath. This must be God's will. What was God trying to tell me? Was he preventing a disaster through some sort of delay? Was this just an incidental? Or was I simply supposed to call a locksmith to help me?
Instead I opted for my next-door neighbor. They have often been helpful and they have hearts of gold. They're a little odd, but easy to overlook oddities when you know who they really are. So I ran the bell, begging God that they'd be home and have WD-40 on hand.
Well, the dad came to the door (just the person I needed) and he didn't have any WD-40. I explained my key was stuck, and as he went to try to worry it from the lock, I realized that as I'd parked outside, and my garage door opener was still in the car. I had a way in, and access to some kind of lubricant. So I ran to my car, hit the button, and found the oil. While my neighbor oiled the key and the lock, I was able to get inside (attached garage) and opened the interior door.
The lock is shot. I have to replace it.
And there's the thing: I just now realized that had I not obeyed that prompt to visit the adoration chapel this morning, my car would still have been in my garage!
You might be thinking that there would then not be a problem...but here's the reality; I go in and out of my front door all the time, and I usually lock both the knob and the deadbolt. Had I not gone to the chapel this morning, and therefore parked my car outside, I would not be aware of the problem, and there's a good chance I would have found myself locked out of my house and in need of a locksmith, which can be time consuming and expensive.
Incidentally, I don't have a cell phone, so in the middle of the day...if no one's home, it can be difficult to find someone to call a locksmith for me. I know some of my neighbors, but not all, and sad to say...I don't want to know all of my neighbors.
Anyway, things worked out and as of this evening, if I go pick up the new locks, my neighbor offered to replace them for me. I am bessed. Oh, and the lock works from the inside, so I am secure.
So! For our team outing, we went to the Twins vs. White Sox game at the Metrodome today. We all caravaned to one of the park and rides, ended up parking in the street, and took the Light Rail to the 'Dome. For most of us, it was the first time on Light Rail.
So, for those of you who are local, I'll offer a tutorial:
* You buy your tickets from a machine in the station on the lower level. It appears there's also one on the upper level at the train itself, apparently in case someone misses the lower level one.
* First select what you need - there is a menu for different options. You can buy one-way or round-trip, which might be good for X. number of hours.
* You must select your choice before you offer your money, which may be in the form of cash, credit, or debit. The machine only allows a certain amount of change, and gives change in coin form (ie dollar coins as applicable).
* Take your ticket and read both front and back. It doubles as a bus ticket. The light rail ticket is not "run" through anything but you do need it available to be checked.
Anyway, we got to the 'Dome, found our seats, and found them inhabited by a bunch of middle-school kids. We spoke with one of their teachers, our Manager showed her our tickets and first questioned whether were in the wrong place? We weren't. They'd bought a section of tickets. Apparently either the adult groups spread throughout either bought theirs first, or the ticket office messed up and scattered random people throughout a group of rowdy middle school kids. (For those outside the U.S. middle school is 6 - 9th grades, ages of apx 11-15)
Either I have more patience than I used to, or those kids weren't that bad. Their teachers did correct behavior that started to get out of hand, while allowing a range of "normal" for them.
The game was good, not a ton of action and I'm not a huge baseball fan anyway, but when in a game in person, it does a lot to inspire interest. The 9th inning was exciting. At the bottom of the 9th, the teams were tied. I began to wonder if it would go into extra innings.
The bases were loaded, 1 out. Tory Hunter was up to bat. The crowd was on its feet, roaring, screaming, whistling, waving, the scent of blood...uh...a win...in the air. The atmosphere was charged.
He walked.
The White Sox walked him.
The man from 3rd ran home, the game was won, the teams rushed onto the field...and while the fans rejoiced, it wasn't the "kill" of a grand slam. It was a lackluster win, but a win nonetheless, and we'll take it.
If I went to these games all the time, I'd likely be a baseball fan. But as I usually only see it on TV, I just don't care. I enjoyed today's game and have been to other Twins' games, but like many other fans, if I'm not really there, it isn't real.
My perspective is different with regard to horseracing and skiing, where the best action is on camera. I like to be at those sports in person (never been at a Word Cup Ski event in person, but would like to), but in reality, it doesn't happen much.
Anyway....
Been a good day. Back to the grind tomorrow, busy day to make up from the last couple.
Thank God we have only two days left this week.
I really need another job.
Today I started out working from home then headed into the office around 10; we were all leaving for a team outing at 11.
Now, this set the stage for a small Divine Intervention. Allow me to explain.
This morning, I got up at 5:20 or so since I wouldn't have my regular commute from home to be there by 8, but I couldn't bring myself to sleep too much later. So it was already weird, and of course, I was all ready to go to work by 7 am. I had planned to start work early, at 7:30, to make up for my commute time in the "middle" of my shortened work day. But "something" told me to take a quick run to my church...I'm a few blocks away, and we have Perpetual Adoration. I was tempted to hit the 8 am Mass, but by then, I needed to be connected to the network and working, so, unable to ignore the promptings of the Holy Spirit, I quickly locked the house and drove to the chapel, where I spent some wonderful time with Jesus. I left and had to run a quick errand, then was back home before 8 so I could connect to the network from home. Instead of pulling into the garage, as I'd be leaving shortly, I parked my car in one of our townhome "extra" spaces.
When I tried to leave, I realized I'd forgotten something and planned to run inside. I got in, having some trouble with the deadbolt lock, but I attributed it to today's humidity, and got in. I grabbed what I needed, locked knob lock, and after I pulled the door closed, I stuck my key into the deadbolt, turned it to lock it...and it didn't quite do what I wanted to do. So I twisted it back to the "unlocked" position and back to "lock" and the key was stuck. I couldn't move it. I needed to leave for work RIGHT NOW and my key was stuck in my lock.
Quite the dilemma. On one hand...the key was stuck and was not going to move. I could technically go as long as I took it off the ring with all my other keys. But then I'd have a key for my house, my unnattended house (but for the dogs) stuck there in the lock for anyone to find. Yeah, it was stuck...but what if someone knew how to "fix" it? That's a problem.
I took a deep breath. This must be God's will. What was God trying to tell me? Was he preventing a disaster through some sort of delay? Was this just an incidental? Or was I simply supposed to call a locksmith to help me?
Instead I opted for my next-door neighbor. They have often been helpful and they have hearts of gold. They're a little odd, but easy to overlook oddities when you know who they really are. So I ran the bell, begging God that they'd be home and have WD-40 on hand.
Well, the dad came to the door (just the person I needed) and he didn't have any WD-40. I explained my key was stuck, and as he went to try to worry it from the lock, I realized that as I'd parked outside, and my garage door opener was still in the car. I had a way in, and access to some kind of lubricant. So I ran to my car, hit the button, and found the oil. While my neighbor oiled the key and the lock, I was able to get inside (attached garage) and opened the interior door.
The lock is shot. I have to replace it.
And there's the thing: I just now realized that had I not obeyed that prompt to visit the adoration chapel this morning, my car would still have been in my garage!
You might be thinking that there would then not be a problem...but here's the reality; I go in and out of my front door all the time, and I usually lock both the knob and the deadbolt. Had I not gone to the chapel this morning, and therefore parked my car outside, I would not be aware of the problem, and there's a good chance I would have found myself locked out of my house and in need of a locksmith, which can be time consuming and expensive.
Incidentally, I don't have a cell phone, so in the middle of the day...if no one's home, it can be difficult to find someone to call a locksmith for me. I know some of my neighbors, but not all, and sad to say...I don't want to know all of my neighbors.
Anyway, things worked out and as of this evening, if I go pick up the new locks, my neighbor offered to replace them for me. I am bessed. Oh, and the lock works from the inside, so I am secure.
So! For our team outing, we went to the Twins vs. White Sox game at the Metrodome today. We all caravaned to one of the park and rides, ended up parking in the street, and took the Light Rail to the 'Dome. For most of us, it was the first time on Light Rail.
So, for those of you who are local, I'll offer a tutorial:
* You buy your tickets from a machine in the station on the lower level. It appears there's also one on the upper level at the train itself, apparently in case someone misses the lower level one.
* First select what you need - there is a menu for different options. You can buy one-way or round-trip, which might be good for X. number of hours.
* You must select your choice before you offer your money, which may be in the form of cash, credit, or debit. The machine only allows a certain amount of change, and gives change in coin form (ie dollar coins as applicable).
* Take your ticket and read both front and back. It doubles as a bus ticket. The light rail ticket is not "run" through anything but you do need it available to be checked.
Anyway, we got to the 'Dome, found our seats, and found them inhabited by a bunch of middle-school kids. We spoke with one of their teachers, our Manager showed her our tickets and first questioned whether were in the wrong place? We weren't. They'd bought a section of tickets. Apparently either the adult groups spread throughout either bought theirs first, or the ticket office messed up and scattered random people throughout a group of rowdy middle school kids. (For those outside the U.S. middle school is 6 - 9th grades, ages of apx 11-15)
Either I have more patience than I used to, or those kids weren't that bad. Their teachers did correct behavior that started to get out of hand, while allowing a range of "normal" for them.
The game was good, not a ton of action and I'm not a huge baseball fan anyway, but when in a game in person, it does a lot to inspire interest. The 9th inning was exciting. At the bottom of the 9th, the teams were tied. I began to wonder if it would go into extra innings.
The bases were loaded, 1 out. Tory Hunter was up to bat. The crowd was on its feet, roaring, screaming, whistling, waving, the scent of blood...uh...a win...in the air. The atmosphere was charged.
He walked.
The White Sox walked him.
The man from 3rd ran home, the game was won, the teams rushed onto the field...and while the fans rejoiced, it wasn't the "kill" of a grand slam. It was a lackluster win, but a win nonetheless, and we'll take it.
If I went to these games all the time, I'd likely be a baseball fan. But as I usually only see it on TV, I just don't care. I enjoyed today's game and have been to other Twins' games, but like many other fans, if I'm not really there, it isn't real.
My perspective is different with regard to horseracing and skiing, where the best action is on camera. I like to be at those sports in person (never been at a Word Cup Ski event in person, but would like to), but in reality, it doesn't happen much.
Anyway....
Been a good day. Back to the grind tomorrow, busy day to make up from the last couple.
Thank God we have only two days left this week.
I really need another job.
More on Prayer and Contemplation
I am not going to summarize anything or write an article. Rather, I am going to allow an expert, Father Thomas Dubay to speak out of his own expertise and synthesis of the Saints, St. Teresa of Avila and St. John of the Cross.
On infused contemplation:
Note: {The bracketed text is mine}
*
"Infused contemplation is by no means a dry or sterile intellectualism, a platonic gazing upon abstract essences. or is it an oriental, impersonal awareness. {Centering Prayer} Rather, it is a 'loving awareness of God...a loving contemplation...a loving wisdom'. When we put these traits together, a yearning or delightful loving with a cognitive contact touching the divine, we have, as John {of the Cross} so well puts it, an inflow of God Himself. Contemplation is a deepending self-communication of the Trinity, a self-communication that we are given to experience. (p. 63)
Thought we have said it already, the point must be made explicitly and with some development: the prayer of which we are speaking can in no way be originated, intensified, or prolongued by anything we can do. It is divinely given in its entirety. This is the literal meaning of infused, a word stemming from the Latin infudere, infusum, to pour in, that which is poured in. John therefore writes of a 'tranquil reception of this loving inflow...the touch of burning in the will...the touch of understanding int he intellect...an inflaming of love'. These experessions make it clear that the prayer is not a result of our efforts, our reading, imagining, or reasoning. It is not of human origin." (63)
*
Now, on to Fr. Dubay's synthesis of what St. Therese of Avila had to teach us about infused contemplation:
*
"Anyone who studies carefully our two masters of contemplation and then turns to lesser luminaries, the popular writers and speakers of our day, {Keating, Pennington} will find a number of important differences in outlook and approach...We find here one of the concretizations of the Isaian statement that God's thoughts are not our thoughts, and His ways not our ways (Is 55:8-9). It is likewise a predictable consequence of getting one's ideas about prayer from the atmosphere of the day rather than from the purity of the biblical word and the people who live that word best, the saints.
"Living as we do in a consumerist age that looks to technology to solve most of its problems, we will, unless immersed in a serious prayer life ourselves, assume as obvious that prayer is mainly something produced in a human manner. This is partially true of beginning discursive meditation, but the trouble begins when the assumption is unclear when one reads books and articles on the subject of contemplation, or if one simply reads advertisements to see what is being sold. The literary and audio markets are replete with techniques and methodologies, oriental and occidental: methods, ways, mantras, centering, ashrams, gurus, koan exercises, yoga techniques, discursive procedures...While some of this is good for some people at some times, the extension of it to most people at most times is more than misleading. Extended indiscriminately...it blocks real prayer growth.
What we find in Ss. Teresa and John and in Scripture is a very different message. Though I shall detail this statement as we go along, we may note at the moment that the inspired pages have, as far as I can find, not a single sentence that speaks of metholology as a means to deep communion with the God of revelation. Contemporaries rarely recognize this obvious fact, which is in itself indicative of inattention to Scripture and the lives of those who do in fact enjoy profound contemplative prayer." (p. 111)
~ Dubay, Thomas, S.M., "Fire Within", Ignatius Press, 1989
Monday, May 28, 2007
Centering Prayer vs. Contemplative Prayer
This is a hot topic in the Church these days, and unfortunately, the former is being touted as being the same as the latter, however, even a slight amount of research helps those who are discerning the Truth realize that they can't even be compared.
It was Fr. Keating who first developed and introduced Centering Prayer. His intentions were good; he was looking for similarities in the practices of Hindu/Buddhism to Christian prayer as a way of assisting converts to the Christian faith. (1.) Unfortunately, through his dabbling in the Eastern Meditative arts, he was drawn in and deceived, and introduced an insipient poison into the Church; a poison people are all too ready to consume and perpetuate.
"Prayer" is a conversation with God, involving the entire person, body and soul, during which we interact with God from the center of our souls...not within our souls.
"Centering Prayer" is a practice whereby the individual uses a technique, involving breathing exercises and/or a "mantra" of some sort to aid in emptying the mind, in an act to create an interaction with God WITHIN the center of ourselves.
"Contemplative Prayer" is a gift from God, pure and simple. It cannot be enforced or manipulated. It cannot be created, for God alone initiates this experience to the souls that are ready for such union.
In the Church, we have a wealth of experience involving commune with God, and Saints from all ages have written of it, most prominently St. Teresa of Avila and St. John of the Cross, but by far they are not the only ones to experience contemplative prayer.
Unfortunately, all too often Centering Prayer is being compared to and being marketed as Contemplative prayer, but as you can see by definition alone, they are not the same.
In Centering prayer, the individual is instructed to empty their minds of anything, using a sort of mantra (which is a pagan practice), focusing on the word while breathing in a certain manner. It is actually a form of self-hypnosis; common sense alone tells us that such acts can lead to an altered state of consciousness. (2) The problem continues when the individual, thus impaired, is open not to God, but to whatever type of entity happens by. Apparently when Fr. Keating began this practice, the monastery began to be "haunted" and strange occurrences happened; things that had never manifested prior to this, and they were so caught up that they did not discern the origin of the disturbances!
My friends, you will know the tree by the fruit.
Contemplative prayer, by contrast, cannot be created. God is familiar with each and every one of us, whether we are beginners in prayer, whether we are experienced, whether we are "dry", whether we are reluctant, in mortal sin, in a state of grace...what have you. God knows us far more intimately than we know ourselves, thus He and He ALONE is in a position to grant a soul the gift of Infused Prayer. We cannot do anything to create this experience.
I've seen it argued that the Rosary is a form of centering prayer, however, such an assertion only betrays the ignorance of one who makes such a claim. The Rosary is a "Meditative" prayer, which can be an aid to contemplation. However, there are those who have trouble meditating on a particular idea, but who have a certain relationship with God allowing them to enter into Contemplation. In the Rosary, we are asked to consider something specific: for example, in the Sorrowful mysteries we are asked to consider Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane. What was he praying about? What was his "agony"? Can we enter into the sorrow for the sin of the world he was experiencing at that time? Can we travel with him to his scourging? If we use Ignatian exercises, can we see ourselves there as a character, whether as an Apostle or simply a bystander? This involves active thought...not contemplation or centering prayer.
Meditation CAN lead to Contemplation, but as these things are according to God's will, it is up to God to provide the proper union with the soul in question.
I have often seen Father Thomas Dubay, Priest, Author, and Spiritual Director to cloistered contemplatives cited in reference to centering prayer, which is simply ridiculous for he spoke against it.
In "Prayer Primer, Igniting a Fire Within", he makes three points:
1. "One should beware of techniques of emptying the mind to prepare it for contemplation. This is unnatural. Our minds are made to be filled, not emptied. Nowhere does scripture advise this. Rather the beginner is told to fill his mind by pondering the Word of God day and night. (Ps 1:1-2)This is meditation, not emptying our minds. St. Teresa rightly said that when we are ready, God gives us something better than our efforts can produce, namely infused communing with himself."
2. "Secondly, it is an illusion to think that techniques can produce an immersion in God. he is not one to be manipulated as one can manipulate a machine or appliance."
3. "And thirdly, emptying methods can frustrate both the beginner who needs input on which to reflect and the advanced person who needs freedom from human efforts to be able to receive the light and love God wishes to communicate." (3)
Let's consider this; prayer is a conversation with God. Throughout history, although it has been Man who ruptured the union with God, it has always been God who sought to restore that intended union, even unto the death of His only beloved Son, sent to heal that rupture. And it is always Man who questions God and does not trust God.
Centering prayer is a form of questioning God and His methods, insisting, as always, that Man can do it better. How arrogant!
God is faithful! He seeks for our reunification with Him, but we cannot enforce it for all too often we are not ready for such union. We would be destroyed completely if God gave us the gifts he has given to souls such as St. Therese of Avila!
So He waits, and he grants what it needed and ready when the time is right. We cannot force this gift. We cannot rob God.
As Father Dubay pointed out, our minds are made to be filled. The point of prayer is communication with God, whether done at a very basic level or in mystical contemplation. God comes to us on human terms; only look to Jesus for this reality, and look to the Sacraments, as each of them involve a physical act. When we speak to one another, our minds are full of what we want to say or in processing what is being said by the other person.
God comes to us in the same way, but so often we miss it because we are so caught up in our own problems that we forget to listen. In prayer, our minds should not be empty; we should not be using a "mantra", which is a pagan act, but rather, we should pray to the Lord for protection from USELESS distractions, leaving our minds and hearts open to the "distractions" He wants to give us.
For example: have you ever prayed the Rosary, finding your mind wandering instead to an incident of the previous night in which you had a falling-out with a friend or relative? And no matter how hard you try to think about Mary's fiat in the first Joyful Mystery, instead you are meditating on your own harsh words you wish you could take back?
HELLO!? This is God assisting you in reconciliation! This is God speaking to you, forming your conscience, reminding you that you are not so pious as you think, you are not Godly, you are not holy...in fact, He is reminding you that it is necessary to go to Confession and perhaps seek advice as to how to heal the rift created by the cited argument.
"Scripture says not a word about techniques for prayer, not a word about oriental or centering ways to empty the mind. Rather our Christian meditation aims at filling our minds and hearts with pondering God's word in the books of creation and revelation. It is meant gradually to lead the beginner to something better, namely, to drinking the goodness and beauty of God in wordless way. We are to grow to a radiant absorption in him farther down the road. Meditation prepares the novice for contemplative communion with the indwelling Trinity." (4.)
We have 2,000 years of history in the Church, history involving real communion with God in the form of authentic prayer. Why, then, are people seeking a cheap copy of prayer? It seems to me that this is just another manifestation of Original Sin, seeking to control as opposed to allowing God to enter into our lives and into our souls on his time, not our own.
We have verified Saints to emulate to from whom to learn; why are people grasping new forms of "theology" that are untested, untried, and clearly contradictory to authentic Catholic spirituality?
Centering prayer is naught but a lie; if you are seeking true union with God, expect to work for it for His process is to test us in fire and hold us to the flames before He considers us worthy for such discourse. If you want union with God, go to Daily Mass (there is no greater form of prayer), go to frequent Confession, admit you are unworthy, and study the Scriptures. And take time to be silent in the presence of Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament, whether exposed for Adoration or hidden in the Tabernacle. Come to the Lord in humility, and let Him choose the time, let Him choose the gift, and let Him love you in the way He chooses. None of us has control over God; if we are seeking this control, we are doing nothing more than imitating Adam and Eve's rejection of God's love.
Footnotes:
1. Dreher, John D., "This Rock", The Danger of Centering Prayer Catholic Answers, 1997, Vol. 8, Issue 11
2. Ibid
3. Dubay, Thomas, S.M., "Prayer Primer", Ignatius Press 2002, p. 155-156
4. Dubay, Thomas, S.M., "Prayer Primer", Ignatius Press 2002, p. 73
It was Fr. Keating who first developed and introduced Centering Prayer. His intentions were good; he was looking for similarities in the practices of Hindu/Buddhism to Christian prayer as a way of assisting converts to the Christian faith. (1.) Unfortunately, through his dabbling in the Eastern Meditative arts, he was drawn in and deceived, and introduced an insipient poison into the Church; a poison people are all too ready to consume and perpetuate.
"Prayer" is a conversation with God, involving the entire person, body and soul, during which we interact with God from the center of our souls...not within our souls.
"Centering Prayer" is a practice whereby the individual uses a technique, involving breathing exercises and/or a "mantra" of some sort to aid in emptying the mind, in an act to create an interaction with God WITHIN the center of ourselves.
"Contemplative Prayer" is a gift from God, pure and simple. It cannot be enforced or manipulated. It cannot be created, for God alone initiates this experience to the souls that are ready for such union.
In the Church, we have a wealth of experience involving commune with God, and Saints from all ages have written of it, most prominently St. Teresa of Avila and St. John of the Cross, but by far they are not the only ones to experience contemplative prayer.
Unfortunately, all too often Centering Prayer is being compared to and being marketed as Contemplative prayer, but as you can see by definition alone, they are not the same.
In Centering prayer, the individual is instructed to empty their minds of anything, using a sort of mantra (which is a pagan practice), focusing on the word while breathing in a certain manner. It is actually a form of self-hypnosis; common sense alone tells us that such acts can lead to an altered state of consciousness. (2) The problem continues when the individual, thus impaired, is open not to God, but to whatever type of entity happens by. Apparently when Fr. Keating began this practice, the monastery began to be "haunted" and strange occurrences happened; things that had never manifested prior to this, and they were so caught up that they did not discern the origin of the disturbances!
My friends, you will know the tree by the fruit.
Contemplative prayer, by contrast, cannot be created. God is familiar with each and every one of us, whether we are beginners in prayer, whether we are experienced, whether we are "dry", whether we are reluctant, in mortal sin, in a state of grace...what have you. God knows us far more intimately than we know ourselves, thus He and He ALONE is in a position to grant a soul the gift of Infused Prayer. We cannot do anything to create this experience.
I've seen it argued that the Rosary is a form of centering prayer, however, such an assertion only betrays the ignorance of one who makes such a claim. The Rosary is a "Meditative" prayer, which can be an aid to contemplation. However, there are those who have trouble meditating on a particular idea, but who have a certain relationship with God allowing them to enter into Contemplation. In the Rosary, we are asked to consider something specific: for example, in the Sorrowful mysteries we are asked to consider Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane. What was he praying about? What was his "agony"? Can we enter into the sorrow for the sin of the world he was experiencing at that time? Can we travel with him to his scourging? If we use Ignatian exercises, can we see ourselves there as a character, whether as an Apostle or simply a bystander? This involves active thought...not contemplation or centering prayer.
Meditation CAN lead to Contemplation, but as these things are according to God's will, it is up to God to provide the proper union with the soul in question.
I have often seen Father Thomas Dubay, Priest, Author, and Spiritual Director to cloistered contemplatives cited in reference to centering prayer, which is simply ridiculous for he spoke against it.
In "Prayer Primer, Igniting a Fire Within", he makes three points:
1. "One should beware of techniques of emptying the mind to prepare it for contemplation. This is unnatural. Our minds are made to be filled, not emptied. Nowhere does scripture advise this. Rather the beginner is told to fill his mind by pondering the Word of God day and night. (Ps 1:1-2)This is meditation, not emptying our minds. St. Teresa rightly said that when we are ready, God gives us something better than our efforts can produce, namely infused communing with himself."
2. "Secondly, it is an illusion to think that techniques can produce an immersion in God. he is not one to be manipulated as one can manipulate a machine or appliance."
3. "And thirdly, emptying methods can frustrate both the beginner who needs input on which to reflect and the advanced person who needs freedom from human efforts to be able to receive the light and love God wishes to communicate." (3)
Let's consider this; prayer is a conversation with God. Throughout history, although it has been Man who ruptured the union with God, it has always been God who sought to restore that intended union, even unto the death of His only beloved Son, sent to heal that rupture. And it is always Man who questions God and does not trust God.
Centering prayer is a form of questioning God and His methods, insisting, as always, that Man can do it better. How arrogant!
God is faithful! He seeks for our reunification with Him, but we cannot enforce it for all too often we are not ready for such union. We would be destroyed completely if God gave us the gifts he has given to souls such as St. Therese of Avila!
So He waits, and he grants what it needed and ready when the time is right. We cannot force this gift. We cannot rob God.
As Father Dubay pointed out, our minds are made to be filled. The point of prayer is communication with God, whether done at a very basic level or in mystical contemplation. God comes to us on human terms; only look to Jesus for this reality, and look to the Sacraments, as each of them involve a physical act. When we speak to one another, our minds are full of what we want to say or in processing what is being said by the other person.
God comes to us in the same way, but so often we miss it because we are so caught up in our own problems that we forget to listen. In prayer, our minds should not be empty; we should not be using a "mantra", which is a pagan act, but rather, we should pray to the Lord for protection from USELESS distractions, leaving our minds and hearts open to the "distractions" He wants to give us.
For example: have you ever prayed the Rosary, finding your mind wandering instead to an incident of the previous night in which you had a falling-out with a friend or relative? And no matter how hard you try to think about Mary's fiat in the first Joyful Mystery, instead you are meditating on your own harsh words you wish you could take back?
HELLO!? This is God assisting you in reconciliation! This is God speaking to you, forming your conscience, reminding you that you are not so pious as you think, you are not Godly, you are not holy...in fact, He is reminding you that it is necessary to go to Confession and perhaps seek advice as to how to heal the rift created by the cited argument.
"Scripture says not a word about techniques for prayer, not a word about oriental or centering ways to empty the mind. Rather our Christian meditation aims at filling our minds and hearts with pondering God's word in the books of creation and revelation. It is meant gradually to lead the beginner to something better, namely, to drinking the goodness and beauty of God in wordless way. We are to grow to a radiant absorption in him farther down the road. Meditation prepares the novice for contemplative communion with the indwelling Trinity." (4.)
We have 2,000 years of history in the Church, history involving real communion with God in the form of authentic prayer. Why, then, are people seeking a cheap copy of prayer? It seems to me that this is just another manifestation of Original Sin, seeking to control as opposed to allowing God to enter into our lives and into our souls on his time, not our own.
We have verified Saints to emulate to from whom to learn; why are people grasping new forms of "theology" that are untested, untried, and clearly contradictory to authentic Catholic spirituality?
Centering prayer is naught but a lie; if you are seeking true union with God, expect to work for it for His process is to test us in fire and hold us to the flames before He considers us worthy for such discourse. If you want union with God, go to Daily Mass (there is no greater form of prayer), go to frequent Confession, admit you are unworthy, and study the Scriptures. And take time to be silent in the presence of Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament, whether exposed for Adoration or hidden in the Tabernacle. Come to the Lord in humility, and let Him choose the time, let Him choose the gift, and let Him love you in the way He chooses. None of us has control over God; if we are seeking this control, we are doing nothing more than imitating Adam and Eve's rejection of God's love.
Footnotes:
1. Dreher, John D., "This Rock", The Danger of Centering Prayer Catholic Answers, 1997, Vol. 8, Issue 11
2. Ibid
3. Dubay, Thomas, S.M., "Prayer Primer", Ignatius Press 2002, p. 155-156
4. Dubay, Thomas, S.M., "Prayer Primer", Ignatius Press 2002, p. 73
The Priesthood is not about Power
Jesus came to serve, not to be served. Priests, in walking in his footsteps, standing in persona Christi during the Consecration and during the Sacrament of Penance, have likewise been sent forth to serve, not to be served. Their lives are about sacrifice, not about power.
Yet there are groups of mislead women and a few brainwashed men who are claiming to have been "ordained" by a female Roman Catholic bishop, in a "secret" ceremony.
Let's be very clear on this; this group is NOT recognized by the Magisterium of the Holy Roman Catholic Church. This group has made up its own religion and they are peddaling it as authentic Catholicism, claiming apostolic succession, etc. In other words, they are Protestant but they lack the intellectual integrity to admit it. They do not believe what the Church teaches and they are not obedient to Church directives. Exactly, then, how can they claim to be Catholic?
Any valid Call is not discerned alone by the individual, but must be affirmed by the Church; in other words, it has to be affirmed by someone with VALID authority in the Church. For men being ordained to the diocesan Priesthood, their call is affirmed throughout the seminary, and finally, in a very PUBLIC ceremony, by the Archbishop.
Lest someone else be mislead, make no mistake; those who are participating in, supporting, and becoming "ordained" in these invalid ceremonies have chosen to leave the Catholic Church. They are not Catholic; they are not even a cheap copy.
Pray for them; they're so lost they think they're home, but nothing could be further from the truth.
Yet there are groups of mislead women and a few brainwashed men who are claiming to have been "ordained" by a female Roman Catholic bishop, in a "secret" ceremony.
Let's be very clear on this; this group is NOT recognized by the Magisterium of the Holy Roman Catholic Church. This group has made up its own religion and they are peddaling it as authentic Catholicism, claiming apostolic succession, etc. In other words, they are Protestant but they lack the intellectual integrity to admit it. They do not believe what the Church teaches and they are not obedient to Church directives. Exactly, then, how can they claim to be Catholic?
Any valid Call is not discerned alone by the individual, but must be affirmed by the Church; in other words, it has to be affirmed by someone with VALID authority in the Church. For men being ordained to the diocesan Priesthood, their call is affirmed throughout the seminary, and finally, in a very PUBLIC ceremony, by the Archbishop.
Lest someone else be mislead, make no mistake; those who are participating in, supporting, and becoming "ordained" in these invalid ceremonies have chosen to leave the Catholic Church. They are not Catholic; they are not even a cheap copy.
Pray for them; they're so lost they think they're home, but nothing could be further from the truth.
Sunday, May 27, 2007
Pentecost ~ Veni Sancti Spiritus
Veni, Sancte Spiritus,
et emitte caelitus
lucis tuae radium.
Veni, pater pauperum,
veni, dator munerum
veni, lumen cordium.
Consolator optime,
dulcis hospes animae,
dulce refrigerium.
In labore requies,
in aestu temperies
in fletu solatium.
O lux beatissima,
reple cordis intima
tuorum fidelium.
Sine tuo numine,
nihil est in homine,
nihil est innoxium.
Lava quod est sordidum,
riga quod est aridum,
sana quod est saucium.
Flecte quod est rigidum,
fove quod est frigidum,
rege quod est devium.
Da tuis fidelibus,
in te confidentibus,
sacrum septenarium.
Da virtutis meritum,
da salutis exitum,
da perenne gaudium, Amen, Alleluia.
Credit - includes link to English translation
Full Moon
It's been an interesting weekend. We weren't able to take our Mom out on Mother's Day due to my brother's schedule, so our plan was to get together this weekend. So Mom, my brother, and his girlfriend all came up yesterday afternoon, planning to spend the night.
I think it's really important that you all have a little background on my Mom; she is a very devout Catholic, and by devout, I mean she is a rosary-praying, taught-by-nuns-in-habit, don't-use-bad-language-EVER, lives a holy life, MOTHER. To this day, my brother and I watch our P's and Q's around Mom. If the slightest bad word slips out, we both cringe. She actually takes things in stride, but we know how to be respectful around her and as she's getting older, this sense is even more heightened as we feel she is in need of being sheltered from the world around her. I don't know how, but my Mom has managed to maintain a level of naivate' that is lacking in most people, even of her age, and we try to protect her from big shocks.
So, anyway, keep that image of her in your mind.
For them, the fun started even before they left my brother's house. The SUV was mostly packed for their overnight trip to my house, Mom seated in the back seat behind tinted glass windows. My brother's girlfriend was in the front seat, window down, and my brother had run into the house for one last item. While he was gone, their neighbor and friend, let's call him "Tony", made a joking but very suggestive comment to my brother's girlfriend. It wasn't that bad, but not something that would be appropriate in Mom's presence. It was a cringing moment.
Then as they were pulling away down the road, they saw "Tony" and his friend turn their backs in unison and drop trou to expose their backsides, not likely aware that there was a passenger in the back seat - Mom - who saw it all!
I still can't believe my Mom got MOONED!
My brother, fighting to maintain his composure, afraid to see Mom's reaction, just shook his head and commented, "That's just great, guys." He considered rolling down the rear window so they could see Mom sitting back there but decided against it.
As it turned out, Mom wasn't so shocked, and took it all in stride. In fact, she was cracking jokes about it all night! (I apologize for the pun, but the word fits).
They told me the story right after dinner, as we were heading home. None of us could stop laughing, and it was even funnier when mom wise-cracked, "One of those moons was fuller than the other."
There were a few other comments made by Mom in the peanut gallery, keeping us in gales of laughter. I have no idea if any of you think it's funny as you read this and I fear my description will never do the story justice. I completely look forward to meeting this "Tony" guy, however, because my greeting to him will be along the lines of, "DUDE! YOU'RE the guy who mooned my MOM!"
Saturday, May 26, 2007
Catholic "War of the Worlds!"
I need to make this announcement, and I think it's REALLY important because if someone doesn't say it, people are going to start calling the good Archbishop in Knoxville, TN, and he's not going to have ANY IDEA what they are talking about.
SPIRIT OF VATICAN 2 blog is a PARODY!
There are people stopping by and commenting as though they either think the blog is made up of anti-Catholics who don't know very much about the Church, or they are people who truly are taking it seriously.
It's "War of the Worlds" in the Catholic world, and while I think it's hysterically funny that people think it's real, such things can had bad repurcussions.
It is a PARODY. It's NOT REAL. There is no "Spirit of Vatican 2" parish ANYWHERE.
Unfortunately, parishes similar to this parody do exists, thus the inspiration by the blog's creators (I'm not one of them) to start this up. Go visit the blog. Be entertained. Comment. But do not think for ONE MOMENT that it is for real.
This PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT has been brought to you in the interest of preserving public sanity.
Story of my LIFE!
Mantilla twitch to Father Joe:
I'm not a huge baseball fan, although like everyone, I know the big names, and Yogi Berra is one of them. I just didn't realize he had such a way with words:
“I never said most of the things I said.”
“It ain’t the heat, it’s the humility.”
“You’ve got to be very careful if you don’t know where you are going because you might not get there.”
“We made too many wrong mistakes.”
“When you come to a fork in the road, take it.”
* * *
What's not clear about all that?
I'm not a huge baseball fan, although like everyone, I know the big names, and Yogi Berra is one of them. I just didn't realize he had such a way with words:
“I never said most of the things I said.”
“It ain’t the heat, it’s the humility.”
“You’ve got to be very careful if you don’t know where you are going because you might not get there.”
“We made too many wrong mistakes.”
“When you come to a fork in the road, take it.”
* * *
What's not clear about all that?
Friday, May 25, 2007
Ordination Day!
Tomorrow is a blessed day for us all. Tomorrow several men will be ordained to the priesthood, and we thank God for them every day. Please keep them in your prayers and please continue to pray that more men answer the Call!
Take some time to read about our new priests in the current issue of the Catholic Spirit.
All of them have a story to tell, but no two are the same.
For the last couple years, I have listened to the Mass on Relevant Radio, and hopefully will be able to do so tomorrow as well. I never fail to tear up during the Litany of the Saints.
If you are local, (Twin Cities area, MN), you can listen to tomorrow's ceremony and tear up with me, wherever you are. The Catholic Spirit reports:
Relevant Radio, 1330 AM, will broadcast the May 26 ordination ceremony. Paul Sadek, station manager, along with Father John Owens, a retired priest from the Diocese of Bismarck, N.D., will provide commentary for the event live from the Cathedral of St. Paul. The program will start at 10 a.m. and last until noon.
The sad thing is, I'll have to get my butt up early so I can run my errands and be home or at least en route home in time to pray with the entire Mass.
The cool thing is that IT'S SO WORTH IT!
I'm a big fan of priests. They provide the Sacraments to us. What's not to love?
Worst. Translation. Ever.
I came across this website the other day when doing a simple search for the latin lyrics to the Ave Maria. This site actually claims that the words below are the "Original Latin" and the "English Translation", as noted. Click the link to go to the cited web page.
The Ave Maria, in Latin:
Original Latin:
Ave Maria
Gratia plena
Maria, gratia plena
Maria, gratia plena
Ave, ave dominus
Dominus tecum
Benedicta tu in mulieribus
Et benedictus
Et benedictus fructus ventris
Ventris tuae, Jesus
Ave Maria, gratia plena
Maria, gratia plena
Maria, gratia plena
Ave, ave dominus
Dominus tecum Ave Maria, gratia plena
Maria, gratia plena
Maria, gratia plena
Ave, ave dominus
Dominus tecum
Ave Maria
Mater Dei
Ora pro nobis peccatoribus
Ora pro nobis
Ora, ora pro nobis peccatoribus
Nunc et in hora mortis
Et in hora mortis nostrae
Et in hora mortis nostrae
Et in hora mortis nostrae
Ave Maria
English Translation:
Ave Maria Ave Maria! Maiden mild
Oh! listen to a maiden's pray'r
For thou canst hear 'em in the wild
'Tis Thou, 'Tis thou canst save amid despair
We slumber safely 'till the 'morrow
Though we by men outcast, revil'd
O Maiden, see a maiden's sorrow
Oh Mother, hear a suppliant child!
Ave Maria...
The murky cavern's air so heavy
Shall breathe of balm if Thou hast smil'd
Oh Maiden, hear a maiden pleading
Oh Mother, hear a suppliant child!
Ave Maria...
Ave Maria...
The Ave Maria, in Latin:
Original Latin:
Ave Maria
Gratia plena
Maria, gratia plena
Maria, gratia plena
Ave, ave dominus
Dominus tecum
Benedicta tu in mulieribus
Et benedictus
Et benedictus fructus ventris
Ventris tuae, Jesus
Ave Maria, gratia plena
Maria, gratia plena
Maria, gratia plena
Ave, ave dominus
Dominus tecum Ave Maria, gratia plena
Maria, gratia plena
Maria, gratia plena
Ave, ave dominus
Dominus tecum
Ave Maria
Mater Dei
Ora pro nobis peccatoribus
Ora pro nobis
Ora, ora pro nobis peccatoribus
Nunc et in hora mortis
Et in hora mortis nostrae
Et in hora mortis nostrae
Et in hora mortis nostrae
Ave Maria
English Translation:
Ave Maria Ave Maria! Maiden mild
Oh! listen to a maiden's pray'r
For thou canst hear 'em in the wild
'Tis Thou, 'Tis thou canst save amid despair
We slumber safely 'till the 'morrow
Though we by men outcast, revil'd
O Maiden, see a maiden's sorrow
Oh Mother, hear a suppliant child!
Ave Maria...
The murky cavern's air so heavy
Shall breathe of balm if Thou hast smil'd
Oh Maiden, hear a maiden pleading
Oh Mother, hear a suppliant child!
Ave Maria...
Ave Maria...
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
Blogs of our Lives ~ Episode 3 - As the Blog Turns
When we last left the Recovering Catholic she was lamenting the loss of her childhood home. But tonight...tonight she is red in the face and setting the blogosphere ablaze with her wrath! This woman is a force to be reckoned with, and she will NOT stand down! And if you ever go to Mass with her, prepare to dress in reverence for God or she will "dress" you upside the head!
Our suspected double agent, Ironic Catholic, seems to be back home and comfortably addressing the needs of mothers everywhere. What can this mean? And what's with the picture at the top of her blog? Is that where she lives, or is that where the Unibomber hid?
Back in Fr. V.'s corner of St. Blog's, he's been making recommendations for summer reading, and has a guest poster, a Sister of Life about to take the habit. She expresses her agonizing discernment in powerful terms, leaving us to ask....who will be influenced to follow in hers or Fr. V's footsteps into dedicated service to Jesus Christ?
One of Fr. V's neighbors, a certain Sarah who had gone missing but now returned, wonders about who was wondering about her so recently, and why that person was wondering? Who is this mysterious person who seems to be after her and taking notes? Is Sarah being STALKED? Who IS that masked woman, anyway?
Meanwhile, back at Spirit of Vatican 2, all hell has broken loose as Keith was arrested and his green tea leaves were taken from him. The faith community there is leaping up in solidarity and promising drum circles and protests until he is freed. They've also created a blog rating system and recently discovered a particularly problematic blog...that of none other than the Pyromaniac Priest, the good Fr. Reichtsteig! And the head of the Singles Ministry there, Britnee, has made it very clear that she doesn't like him at all and finds his seeming Republican leanings quite abhorrent and very adversse to the spirit of the times. What's a girl to do? And it doesn't help that Keith also happened to have some of her 'shrooms on him, so she's hoping the police will realize they were just for making pizza.
And would you believe that His Holiness, Pope Benedict XVI HIMSELF dropped by to call this parish to conversion!? What a great blessing for this parish, to be noticed by the POPE!
And Catholicism's favorite funny guy, the Curt Jester, thinks that we should be making felt banners again so that students can learn math in the same way they learned their faith when many of us were growing up.
Back in Minnesota, we go to Terry, who has seen the flying Pope. I wonder if his vision has anything to do with being Fortune's Fool the other day?
Our suspected double agent, Ironic Catholic, seems to be back home and comfortably addressing the needs of mothers everywhere. What can this mean? And what's with the picture at the top of her blog? Is that where she lives, or is that where the Unibomber hid?
Back in Fr. V.'s corner of St. Blog's, he's been making recommendations for summer reading, and has a guest poster, a Sister of Life about to take the habit. She expresses her agonizing discernment in powerful terms, leaving us to ask....who will be influenced to follow in hers or Fr. V's footsteps into dedicated service to Jesus Christ?
One of Fr. V's neighbors, a certain Sarah who had gone missing but now returned, wonders about who was wondering about her so recently, and why that person was wondering? Who is this mysterious person who seems to be after her and taking notes? Is Sarah being STALKED? Who IS that masked woman, anyway?
Meanwhile, back at Spirit of Vatican 2, all hell has broken loose as Keith was arrested and his green tea leaves were taken from him. The faith community there is leaping up in solidarity and promising drum circles and protests until he is freed. They've also created a blog rating system and recently discovered a particularly problematic blog...that of none other than the Pyromaniac Priest, the good Fr. Reichtsteig! And the head of the Singles Ministry there, Britnee, has made it very clear that she doesn't like him at all and finds his seeming Republican leanings quite abhorrent and very adversse to the spirit of the times. What's a girl to do? And it doesn't help that Keith also happened to have some of her 'shrooms on him, so she's hoping the police will realize they were just for making pizza.
And would you believe that His Holiness, Pope Benedict XVI HIMSELF dropped by to call this parish to conversion!? What a great blessing for this parish, to be noticed by the POPE!
And Catholicism's favorite funny guy, the Curt Jester, thinks that we should be making felt banners again so that students can learn math in the same way they learned their faith when many of us were growing up.
Back in Minnesota, we go to Terry, who has seen the flying Pope. I wonder if his vision has anything to do with being Fortune's Fool the other day?
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Living in the Moment
I spent a little time in Adoration this evening, just feeling the need to be with Jesus. My brain has been full of so much, my life is naught but clutter, and I'm terrified of what's just around the bend. I'm going to start Grad school in August, but all that's covered by the scholarship is 1/3 of the 5 credits I'll be taking. What about the other 2/3's and the cost of books? Where's the money coming from?
What of my job? I didn't get the job I thought I wanted, which is fine...God knows best, but now what? I don't even know where to look. Accepting my current position almost 5 years ago has proven to be professional suicide; the last few years has rendered my work and experience completely invalid because I've been off my career path for so long on this useless tangent.
As my current Manager and my immediate Supervisor observed in a recent meeting, my life is taking a very different turn, it's recognized by people around me....but what they don't realize is that I have nowhere to go. I am completely at God's mercy because I can't get myself out of this grave I've dug so deeply.
And then there's this upcoming weekend...I just learned that my brother, his girlfriend, and my Mom are going to spend the night at my house on Saturday, and this place is a complete catastrophe! The spare bedroom doubles as a storage room and some time ago I began a "cleanup" project with the goal of getting rid of stuff. All I did was shuffle it around and discover some of the plastic totes I store it all in is not completely full, and I have paper records that go back about 10 years. I can't just throw it away because it has identifying info on it, and last summer I didn't get a chance to burn it in my friends' fire pit...and shredding this stuff in my shredder would take years of tedium.
I deal with enough filing and tedium at work, thank you. (I'm horrible with filing...my inbox is usually stacked to the ceiling. I "file" by mentally indexing what comes in every day and pulling it out when it's needed...THEN it goes into the file.)
As you can see, I have a problem with living in the present. I'm always off to the next thing. I'm always looking ahead.
I began doing this many moons ago when I was looking to escape the chaos of our home, knowing that salvation laid in planning for the future, having goals, and working hard to reach them. I learned early that I couldn't depend on anyone, and unfortunately, in those years, I really didn't understand that God was there asking me to depend upon HIM, and in spite of everything I did, God still came through for me when it was needed, although I didn't realize it at the time.
I've always been very "driven" and very "goal oriented" and it's so hard for me to take a step back and let God handle things. And where to draw the line between actively carrying out the tasks to reach the unknown goal God has in mind, separating trust in God from the sins of complacence and sloth?
Tonight at Adoration, I came to realize that we are all in a culture of "tomorrow" without learning to have an appreciation for "today" much less "this very moment".
As Mother Angelica has said, Jesus wants us to ask what he wants of us in this very moment, RIGHT NOW, wherever we are and whatever we are doing.
I have such a hard time with this. It's so simple, but I can't seem to handle the present. I'm so attached to the future that I'm tripping over my own feet to get there. Perhaps if I could pay attention to NOW I would see the obstacles in my way.
My thoughts turned to my childhood. I remember those years before school started, or those long summer days when school was out. I remember how the time seemed endless, the moments blissful, even in our boredom, we didn't worry about tomorrow. Certainly, we considered exciting events in the future, but our excitement didn't take us out of fullness of the present. We knew all about stopping to smell the roses.
It didn't matter what time the sun set and rose. I didn't care what the weather was going to be like in five days (unless a big storm was predicted...that's another story). I didn't care about TIME or what was going to happen in the future. I knew that all that was in Mom and Dad's hands, and if there was something I was supposed to do, they would tell me about it. I didn't have to set the alarm to get up in the morning...Mom would get us up. Mom would make dinner, and if she wasn't there, Dad would cook Spam and junket, or pizza and junket, and if Mom and Dad couldn't be there, then there would be a relative or a neighbor or someone else to provide for us. We didn't have to question anything. We could just live and do what we were told and all was well (mostly).
I really wish I could find this kind of faith in the Father in Heaven. I really wish I could learn how to be a child again, and not worry to much. Yes, the tasks I've been given are far more complicated and are time-bound, but within those times, there are many moments...why can't I just live those moments and TRUST in God to provide any additional direction?
I'm still worried about paying for Grad school. (Incidentally, I got the grade on my last paper today...a 98! God is so good, and John Paul II is my patron saint!). With this success under my belt, I am looking forward to further education, knowing I can do this, even if not to that level if carry a greater course load. I'm still worried about where to look for my next job because everything I worked so hard to know is useless.
So for now, the only thing I can focus upon is living in the moment, taking life one second, one minute at a time...because that's the only place where any of us can find Jesus. That's the only place we can come to understand our purpose, by asking constantly, "What is Jesus asking of me RIGHT NOW?"
Tomorrow will take care of itself...the Gospel makes this so clear, but how many of us heed those words?
Interactive Parody!
If you haven't already, stop on in and greet the newest blog on the block, Spirit of Vatican II parish.
It's a laugh a second, and you MUST read the comments sections for each post. Add your own comments.
And yes, people, it is a parody.
Just last night they put up a blog rating guide:
PH - Phariseeism
C - Clericalism
T - Traditionalism
F - Funny Languages
O - Offensive (anti-womyn, anti-GLBTNA, etc)
R - Republican
PI - Progressive Level 1 (they get it)
PII - Progressive Level 2 (bookmark it)
PIII - Progressive Level 3 (it'll be in my homily)
I'm already rated as a PH,O, and I complained that they didn't rate me an F. Fr. Tim graciously apologized for the omission (he thouht my name was Italian), but then pointed out that the ratings I have are BAD and I should aspire to be PIII.
Go check this blog out! And just for the background info to date, be sure to go back to the beginning and read the posts and comments so you get a better idea as to what's going on. It's a new blog so there's not a lot to read but you'll enjoy it more if you can watch it grow from their beginnings.
Personally, I'm DYING to know who the creators are of this blog.
It's a laugh a second, and you MUST read the comments sections for each post. Add your own comments.
And yes, people, it is a parody.
Just last night they put up a blog rating guide:
PH - Phariseeism
C - Clericalism
T - Traditionalism
F - Funny Languages
O - Offensive (anti-womyn, anti-GLBTNA, etc)
R - Republican
PI - Progressive Level 1 (they get it)
PII - Progressive Level 2 (bookmark it)
PIII - Progressive Level 3 (it'll be in my homily)
I'm already rated as a PH,O, and I complained that they didn't rate me an F. Fr. Tim graciously apologized for the omission (he thouht my name was Italian), but then pointed out that the ratings I have are BAD and I should aspire to be PIII.
Go check this blog out! And just for the background info to date, be sure to go back to the beginning and read the posts and comments so you get a better idea as to what's going on. It's a new blog so there's not a lot to read but you'll enjoy it more if you can watch it grow from their beginnings.
Personally, I'm DYING to know who the creators are of this blog.
Monday, May 21, 2007
Blogs of Our Lives ~ Episode 2 - One Blog to Live
The mystery deepens....
Ironic Catholic is still missing. It's Monday and she's nowhere to be seen. Clearly, the message left on her blog was designed to delay our response. Where are the Catholic Cyber Cops? Does anyone care that a professor of theology has gone missing?
Or is that, too all part of the Plan?!
Does Ironic Catholic's wherebouts have anything to do with what's happening in Angela Messenger's parish? Is Ironic actually a DOUBLE AGENT?
Sarah the Snoring Scholar seems to be back....hmmmmm.....
Take note of her name. Right there at the top in the URL, "snoringscholar.blogspot.com" She's a SCHOLAR! And Ironic is a missing Theology Professor!
And Sarah isn't missing anymore. She has a list, sort of a pre-emptive alibi as to what she did this weekend, but it seems something more sinister is afoot.
Or, could Sarah be innocent of any wrongdoing? We must wait and watch.....
{{ Crecendo of music with dischordant trumpets, ala circa 1974 }}}
We go now to see what Fr. Richtsteig the Pyromaniac Priest is up to, but he seems to be MIA as well. His last post was an expose' on bad ideas being used to obtain Vocations, and he hasn't been seen in St. Blog's since that post went up on Friday. Has anyone checked the fire pit?
Meanwhile, back in the MN 'hood....
Desperate Irish Housewife is more desperate than ever, what with the new puppy, and Michael Moore's complete offense against her dignity (more so against his own), a contemplation of the bad health care our Canadian brothers and sisters are subject to, and still recovering her readership from the hostile porn site takeover of her blog a few months ago, DIH is at her wit's end.
Ray is back on the job, having taken a weekend to watch storks in Poland, and now wants to draw attention not only to the wonders of the birds, but also to the fact that an ultra-liberal Oregon college campus is being taken over by Catholics with an attitude.
Terry Nelson is having a REALLY rough day, apparently having made his first mistake in the selection of his wardrobe. He should know better than to dress like that in Minneapolis, MN, the place that rivals L.A. and Atlanta for a certain population (of the "Rainbow Sash" mindset). They must have taken him for a Vatican Spy and let him experience the fullness of their Tolerance.
We pan over now to Salve Regina, who also went missing for a few days. Salve Regina is a warm and fuzzy Trad who identifies herself as a "rural paramedic".
Could she, as a fellow Canadian, have had something to do with Angela Messenger's disappearance?
And what should we make of Salve's current post with regard to whether we have ever seen our Guardian Angels?
Is this a secret signal? She says she was "fishing" this weekend, but she didn't have any evidence to provide that she had, in fact, been fishing. Canada is a HUGE fishing/hunting venue, and I find it hard to believe that a native Canadian would claim to go fishing and not return with a glorious photo of the grandaddy Walleye Pike caught on the trip.
Is Salve a double agent, too, like Ironic, or is Salve the one really responsible for the disappearance of her Canadian sister who happens to be involved in the Adoration dispute?
We switch extremes, and visit the Spirit of Vatican II parish somewhere so deep in Tennessee even their own bishop won't acknowledge them on the Archdiocesan web page.
Adoro stopped by during her regular rounds the other day and inquired (oh-so-innocently) of Fr. Tim whether he gets the inspiration for his homilies from the "green tea leaves" found by Fr. Juno in Keith's red backpack. Fr. Tim gave a gracious (if clueless) response to the question, and it seems that now Che' the Social Justice Minister of SOVII is going to petetion Fr. Time to use the "green tea leaves" Keith grows in his basement under flourescent lights and sell it after every Mass as a fundraiser! Keith even graciously offered to acquire a much larger stash...uh...quantity...that he could obtain from a friend who grows it in the hills. You see, Che' had forgotten to deposit the collection one Sunday and saw all the interest in the green tea leaves as a way to make up for his error. Then they're going to rent a bus and go down to Oak Ridge with all the green tea leaves and protest the weapons plant there.
Back in Rome, Father Zuhlsdorf, or "Fr. Z.", as he's affectionately known, is still lamenting the delay in the release of the Motu Propio. (It was actually the humble Crescat who drew attention to the caption and Fr. Z. gave her full credit for her humor.)
Cathy, the Recovering Dissident, who was recently quoted by Fr. Z., is lamenting herself the Gang Colors being shown at Mass, especially on Pentecost (this upcoming Sunday). If you DARE to wear a rainbow to Mass this weekend, prepare to meet the wrath of Crabby Cathy!
We return to the Saga at SOV2 and learn that Keith has been taken to a special retreat in Canada, but he's asked Che' to bring him a gift of tea leaves so he can make good on his promise to provide brownies.
Back at St. Cantius' parish wing of St. Blog's, Ma Beck rails against the idiocy of the lazy who put a class before God...as though it isn't God who is letting them go to Rome in the first place!
Down Under, in the land of the Kangaroo and the Sydney Opera House, Kiwi Nomad is still wandering around, taking great photos of places most of us will never see (not necessarily in Australia), making random appearances in comboxes around. St. Blog's parish. What corner of the wilderness is she off to next?
Come back next time to see what happens in the lives of the Catholic bloggers..
((( Ending credits/ music ...
Ave, Maria....... )))))
Ironic Catholic is still missing. It's Monday and she's nowhere to be seen. Clearly, the message left on her blog was designed to delay our response. Where are the Catholic Cyber Cops? Does anyone care that a professor of theology has gone missing?
Or is that, too all part of the Plan?!
Does Ironic Catholic's wherebouts have anything to do with what's happening in Angela Messenger's parish? Is Ironic actually a DOUBLE AGENT?
Sarah the Snoring Scholar seems to be back....hmmmmm.....
Take note of her name. Right there at the top in the URL, "snoringscholar.blogspot.com" She's a SCHOLAR! And Ironic is a missing Theology Professor!
And Sarah isn't missing anymore. She has a list, sort of a pre-emptive alibi as to what she did this weekend, but it seems something more sinister is afoot.
Or, could Sarah be innocent of any wrongdoing? We must wait and watch.....
{{ Crecendo of music with dischordant trumpets, ala circa 1974 }}}
We go now to see what Fr. Richtsteig the Pyromaniac Priest is up to, but he seems to be MIA as well. His last post was an expose' on bad ideas being used to obtain Vocations, and he hasn't been seen in St. Blog's since that post went up on Friday. Has anyone checked the fire pit?
Meanwhile, back in the MN 'hood....
Desperate Irish Housewife is more desperate than ever, what with the new puppy, and Michael Moore's complete offense against her dignity (more so against his own), a contemplation of the bad health care our Canadian brothers and sisters are subject to, and still recovering her readership from the hostile porn site takeover of her blog a few months ago, DIH is at her wit's end.
Ray is back on the job, having taken a weekend to watch storks in Poland, and now wants to draw attention not only to the wonders of the birds, but also to the fact that an ultra-liberal Oregon college campus is being taken over by Catholics with an attitude.
Terry Nelson is having a REALLY rough day, apparently having made his first mistake in the selection of his wardrobe. He should know better than to dress like that in Minneapolis, MN, the place that rivals L.A. and Atlanta for a certain population (of the "Rainbow Sash" mindset). They must have taken him for a Vatican Spy and let him experience the fullness of their Tolerance.
We pan over now to Salve Regina, who also went missing for a few days. Salve Regina is a warm and fuzzy Trad who identifies herself as a "rural paramedic".
Could she, as a fellow Canadian, have had something to do with Angela Messenger's disappearance?
And what should we make of Salve's current post with regard to whether we have ever seen our Guardian Angels?
Is this a secret signal? She says she was "fishing" this weekend, but she didn't have any evidence to provide that she had, in fact, been fishing. Canada is a HUGE fishing/hunting venue, and I find it hard to believe that a native Canadian would claim to go fishing and not return with a glorious photo of the grandaddy Walleye Pike caught on the trip.
Is Salve a double agent, too, like Ironic, or is Salve the one really responsible for the disappearance of her Canadian sister who happens to be involved in the Adoration dispute?
We switch extremes, and visit the Spirit of Vatican II parish somewhere so deep in Tennessee even their own bishop won't acknowledge them on the Archdiocesan web page.
Adoro stopped by during her regular rounds the other day and inquired (oh-so-innocently) of Fr. Tim whether he gets the inspiration for his homilies from the "green tea leaves" found by Fr. Juno in Keith's red backpack. Fr. Tim gave a gracious (if clueless) response to the question, and it seems that now Che' the Social Justice Minister of SOVII is going to petetion Fr. Time to use the "green tea leaves" Keith grows in his basement under flourescent lights and sell it after every Mass as a fundraiser! Keith even graciously offered to acquire a much larger stash...uh...quantity...that he could obtain from a friend who grows it in the hills. You see, Che' had forgotten to deposit the collection one Sunday and saw all the interest in the green tea leaves as a way to make up for his error. Then they're going to rent a bus and go down to Oak Ridge with all the green tea leaves and protest the weapons plant there.
Back in Rome, Father Zuhlsdorf, or "Fr. Z.", as he's affectionately known, is still lamenting the delay in the release of the Motu Propio. (It was actually the humble Crescat who drew attention to the caption and Fr. Z. gave her full credit for her humor.)
Cathy, the Recovering Dissident, who was recently quoted by Fr. Z., is lamenting herself the Gang Colors being shown at Mass, especially on Pentecost (this upcoming Sunday). If you DARE to wear a rainbow to Mass this weekend, prepare to meet the wrath of Crabby Cathy!
We return to the Saga at SOV2 and learn that Keith has been taken to a special retreat in Canada, but he's asked Che' to bring him a gift of tea leaves so he can make good on his promise to provide brownies.
Back at St. Cantius' parish wing of St. Blog's, Ma Beck rails against the idiocy of the lazy who put a class before God...as though it isn't God who is letting them go to Rome in the first place!
Down Under, in the land of the Kangaroo and the Sydney Opera House, Kiwi Nomad is still wandering around, taking great photos of places most of us will never see (not necessarily in Australia), making random appearances in comboxes around. St. Blog's parish. What corner of the wilderness is she off to next?
Come back next time to see what happens in the lives of the Catholic bloggers..
((( Ending credits/ music ...
Ave, Maria....... )))))
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