More on Discernment Ground Rules

I received several comments, both in the combox and via email, from my "Rules" post;  it seems that a lot of people have had the same experiences as I.  Instead of updating that particular post, I've decided to just post the additional "Rules" here.   

Please keep in mind...these are the rules that protect discerners from being mobbed by well-meaning people who are very excited about promoting Vocations to the Priesthood and Religious Life. 

ADDITIONAL RULES (credit is given for each poster):

1. DON'T: Once the discerner has made the decision - DON'T continue to give them information on other Orders! This is happening to me! ~ Lillian-Marie

2. Do - Once a decision has been made, MEGA prayers are needed for the discerner as they move from the secular world into the Order. This is when patience is needed - both with the discerner and family/friends. ~ Lillian-Marie

3. DON'T keep asking WHEN will you enter? When will you enter? When will you enter? We don't know! It's in God's time, not ours. It gets very frustrating having to keep telling people, I don't know. When we know something, we'll definitely let you know.
~ Lillian-Marie

4. DO - write! And sometimes write often! This is one of the saving graces for me. There are so many emotions and thoughts during this time that it is often difficult to get them on paper. Blogging is helpful, but also keep a private journal. ~ Lillian-Marie

5. Here's a tidbit for anyone going as slowly as me-don't tell anyone that you wouldn't trust. When I first told my friends two years ago, they freaked out. One was especially afraid she would not see me again if I entered. ~ Grace

6. Here is another one for the "don't" list. A well-intentioned speaker from the Serra Club was talking at a weekend Mass in our parish. He told the congregation, "If you sense that a young man whom you know may be a good candidate for the priesthood, turn his name in to the diocesan vocations director." I wanted to yell, "No! you'll freak the poor kid out." Just pray for him. If you know him really, really, well; maybe approach the subject in private, carefully, after praying about it. Same could be true of a young woman who may be called to the religious life. But I feel that to do as this speaker suggested is intrusive and may just drive any desire that is there right out the window. ~ Melody K.


ARE THOSE RULES ACCORDING TO GOD?

One commenter asked me that (with a wink for humor), and shared that he was more subtle in his approach. He gave a young man a rosary with St. John Vianney on the medal in the center, but otherwise didn't say a word. That's not a bad approach at all.

But his question is an important one...are these the RULES according to Adoro, LM, Grace, and Melody K, or are they according to God?

Well, let me put it this way: 

I know a religious sister who also found her Vocation fairly late in life. Meaning, of course, that she wasn't 18, she wasn't 21.  It took awhile.  She had a Spiritual Director, the same one for years, and one day she said to him, "Huh.  I think I'm supposed to be a religious sister." 

The Spiritual Director's reaction?  "FINALLY!"  

He hadn't said a word. He knew the Vocation was there, but that she was the one who had to hear it for herself.  She was already doing the right things...praying, meeting God very intimately in the Sacraments and knowing Him more deeply through Spiritual Direction.  He knew that eventually she would "hear" and verbalize what was going on, so he left her alone with God until she was ready to face that and answer.  

He didn't tell her what she should do or where she should go, and she found her Community...and entered it, on God's time.  

So I ask you...if a Spiritual Director takes such a hands-off approach, what does that indicate for the rest of us?  

It's very easy for some people to hear God's Call and answer it.  It's more difficult for others, and involves a little more all around. For myself, as I'm in my 30's, I own a townhome, a car, a dog, and am owned by a great deal of debt (made suddenly worse by the recent car problem), and I have a myriad of life experiences which in many ways clouds my judgment about some things.  Maybe it helps in some, but I know at a fundamental level that I need to be able to divest myself of certain "images" and grow in virtue.  It'll be really hard to enter a community never having had spiritual direction.  

If that's God's plan for me.  And that's STILL a big "IF".  

God's RULE is simple:  The Call is a very personal thing between the discerner and Him.  He knows what He's doing, and is doing a fine job of guiding the soul all by himself.  No, he doesn't want that person to be an island, nor does he want that person's friends and family taking over and creating a cacaphony over which the person can no longer hear Him.  

There are probably other people out there with even more to say on this issue.  Perhaps with more input, I'll compile these posts and boil them down into one to encompass all the "Rules" from those who have experienced all the agony and ecstasy of discerning one's Vocation.  

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Now,  just so you all don't think we are picking on all the wonderful people around us, I'm going to end this post with a comment from Anonymous: 

I went through 3-1/2 years of discernment because of an incredible pull that would not stop. Often I shared this with people and much of what I heard could not be possible for me. My personal rule was to thank them and to thank God that he had me surrounded by people who cared enough to care. ~ Anonymous

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And so we do thank all of you who care enough to comment, to offer prayers and other support as we seek to discern God's Will for us. Please keep praying for us, and please keep praying for Vocations to the Priesthood and Religious Life.
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