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Sunday, October 04, 2009

Dear God Why Today?

I nearly got up and left Mass during the first reading.

Of all days, of all time, why did it have to be THOSE readings?

If there weren't two people blocking my exit from my pew I would have picked up my stuff and left. I quite literally couldn't take it today. It's a good thing they were there.

I spent the entire Mass trying to hold back tears, often not very successfully.

So much for feeling better after Mass. Not that Mass is supposed to be fun. After all, Jesus wasn't exactly having "fun" when He hung on the Cross, dying, and what is Mass but the re-presentation of Calvary? When we are at Mass, we are quite literally at the foot of the Cross!

It's not supposed to be "fun".

Of course, during Mass the sacrifice of Calvary is made present as an unbloody sacrifice; for me today, though, it was quite bloody. Quite.

I'm still crying. And maybe that's proper.
*

10 comments:

Angela M. said...

I don't know if the post I wrote about today's readings would help but I am emailing it to you.

Angela M. said...

OK, I just read the post below. My apologies. Just be assured of my prayers.

Owen said...

Thanks be to God for His blockers in the pew (I am not joking or trying to make light). Prayers continue.

Adoro said...

Angela ~ Thanks for your prayers. There was mention of prayers today for those families "torn apart" because of the war. I remembered you and your family, your son at Mass today.

Owen ~ It is good they were there. I don't know that I would have altogether left, just maybe went to the back to stand in isolation until the final blessing, or into the chapel to listen and be present, but...apart, somehow. Dunno. Clearly, I didn't want to miss Mass! It's way too important, especially when everything is going wrong!

shadowlands said...

I prayed for you tonight Adoro,at Mass.On our own,but never alone.

Adoro said...

Shadowlands ~ Thank you. I need many, many prayers

LauraAnne said...

I have cried through many a Mass. I've always wanted to hide somewhere so I could cry my way through it in private, but that never quite works out. The people though, who do figure out I'm crying, have usually been great. Some give tissues, some give an extra squeeze during the sign of peace, some just smile and nod understandingly.

You're in my prayers. I know your battle... I fight a similar one.

Adoro said...

LauraAnne ~ Yeah, I'm sure usually people figure out I'm crying, too. I hate that. I hate crying in public.

Today I'm quite certain the woman sitting next to me figured it out, thankfully said nothing, but gave me a sympathetic glance during the sign of peace as she took my hand.

A friend of mine was sitting to my right, thankfully he didn't say anything either, and I'm quite certain he knew I was crying.

I prefer when people say nothing at all; if they indicate they know, it both makes me cry harder and embarrasses me that much more!


Thanks for prayers...you'll be in mine, too.

Gabriella said...

Why did it have to be those readings?
I've asked myself this question many a time - and not only for Mass readings but also for readings I pick up from the gospels for meditation.
Our Lord always speaks to us personally ... the beauty of his Word - always relevant, always deep.
God bless you.

Anonymous said...

Well, I too encountered a similar situation at Mass on Saturday evening. I made it through OK until the Youth Group started "How Great Thou Art" as the final hymn. Discreetly, I left, cuz I really dislike that song ... However, when I opened the front door of the church, there was a beautiful rainbow arching across the sky directly in front of the church steps! So I thanked God for the rainbow, which made up for the inappropriate music. God does indeed work in mysterious ways!