Sunday, October 04, 2009
Dear God Why Today?
I nearly got up and left Mass during the first reading.
Of all days, of all time, why did it have to be THOSE readings?
If there weren't two people blocking my exit from my pew I would have picked up my stuff and left. I quite literally couldn't take it today. It's a good thing they were there.
I spent the entire Mass trying to hold back tears, often not very successfully.
So much for feeling better after Mass. Not that Mass is supposed to be fun. After all, Jesus wasn't exactly having "fun" when He hung on the Cross, dying, and what is Mass but the re-presentation of Calvary? When we are at Mass, we are quite literally at the foot of the Cross!
It's not supposed to be "fun".
Of course, during Mass the sacrifice of Calvary is made present as an unbloody sacrifice; for me today, though, it was quite bloody. Quite.
I'm still crying. And maybe that's proper.