I've really been in a slump, lately, as panic begins to set in. I will not be able to make my mortgage payment for September and I will have to contact those companies that charge my utility bills as well. I will need a payment plan of sorts.
This morning I spent some time looking for jobs that I can live on - nuthin'. Nearly despairing, I sat down to do some reading, and, giving in once again to the gloomy sky that so reflects my mood, I took a nap, falling asleep while talking to Jesus about how much my future really seems to suck.
And the one thing He keeps saying, over and over is "Trust Me."
That's the hardest thing in the world for me to do. And He knows it, and He knows exactly why. How many weeks into my self-imposed exile am I? And no end in sight. But the end of my money...I know where that is, and how long it can last, and if something doesn't happen soon...I know there are bills that won't be paid. That's not good.
I woke up from my nap, still wanting to sleep rather than face the dark and gloomy house. Looking up at my framed copy of Our Lady of Perpetual Help, I begged her for help...I can't get out of this on my own. I am adrift. I am lost. I am losing everything. Even she looked at me so serenely as she held her dear child, and she asked me to trust, too.
I got up and as I pulled back the curtain again to "brighten" the room (it didn't do much), I considered the Saints I have prayed to. St. Joseph...St. Anthony (his vigil candle is lit today), St. Monica, St. Piux X (Today is his feast day), St. Bernard...and others. I pray to my Guardian Angel to help me click on jobs I would not otherwise consider, to speed my applications along their way, to help me in whatever way he can.
I know the Saints, as they ae alive in Christ for eternity, hear and answer our please for assistance here on earth.
As I came downstairs, I told God I did not want to; I didn't want to look at the caller ID and see a blank face because no one had called. I didn't want to go to the mailbox for fear of finding a rejection letter.
But as I said this, the reply to my prayer was there; I had to accept the cross I had chosen...and trust.
So I went to the mailbox, and found nothing but a bag so I can donate stuff. That will come in handy, I thought, when I am preparing top put my house on the market and have to unload this sinking ship.
I came back inside, still sad, thinking I should make some coffee. I was trying to come out of my pitiful state, still somewhat sleepy, thinking the caffeine would help.
Wondering if I'd go to Mass tonight, or to another event at the same time, leaning towards Mass so I can appeal directly to God while in the presence of the Heavenly contingent.
And then the phone rang. I was terrified. What's that noise? I was afraid to look. Afraid of disappointment, yet again.
So I reached out and saw the name of a Saint on the caller ID.
I have an interview for a Faith Formation position next week! FINALLY! PRAISE GOD!
I am not really qualified for the job, however I have the skills needed even if not all the knowledge, and I can learn. And as I'm starting Grad School this weekend, I'll be in an active learning process, anyway. So it IS possible for me to get this job.
So my decision is made...tonight I MUST go to Mass, I MUST thank God for a small success, a little hope on a day I so desperately needed it, and I will socialize with people next month.
If I get this job there will be many Saints to thank...the one whose namesake is the parish, St. Monica, for I spoke to her very heart-to-heart last night, and, by the way...next Monday, the day of my interview, is her feast day. Is her intercession always that obvious?
For now, all I have is an interview, and I thank God for that.
Now, though, I have another problem! The interview suit I wore 5 years ago doesn't fit! I need a new one, so tomorrow or Thursday I will go shopping, and perhaps finally get my hair cut. Believe me, I need it. The last thing I need right now is to be sloppy-looking.
So I guess my next prayer, other than to have other requests for interviews...is to find a nice suit that doesn't cost an arm and a leg!
15 comments:
Adoro, praying for you to have success with your job interview!
As for clothes, don't overlook the thrift stores, such as St. Vincent de Paul. A lot of times people bring in really nice stuff, that doesn't fit them or just doesn't suit their personalities. One person's rejects are another's treasure.
I am so glad for you, Adoro!
I will ask Our Lady to be with you when you go for the interview.
Badger
You'll be GREAT! I'll be praying for you too!
Warren
like melody, i was going to remind you of the thrifts ... they really do get some great stuff at times
and i like walking around them and meeting the people who are there on a regular basis ... and talking to them ... and praying for and with them
thrifts are part of G-d's kingdom, too, you know.
prayers and best wishes - i have a particular admiration for St Monica, so much so that we named our daughter after her.
You'll be swell, you'll be great. You will have the whole world on a plate.
Don't forget to pray for the intercession of not officially a saint yet, the patron (we're sure he's a) saint of finding a job you'll keep forever, Pope JohnPaul II.
adoro:
Hooray! this is so good--I will also pray to St. Monica for you. Good luck, and just be you wonderful self--and with all the intercession--how could they not hire you? Faith Formation--sweet!
melody ~ I had considered that...there are a few thrift stores in my area.
I also have a coupon for Kohl's, but I don't think they are the store for THIS job unless they have a blazer and a summery top that will go with some pants I have.
badger ~ Thank you! Our Lady is always very good to me (she's our mother so of course!) :-)
ultra ~ Well, if I can get through the completely unqualified part..sure. Thanks for your prayers!
Uncle Jim ~ Monica was the name of my first best friend when I was about 4. She was adopted from Korea and I still remember her very fondly...so of course the name "Monica" is special to me, too, and then that such a Saint would have come before her...it's a good name!
Sister Mary Martha ~ Thanks! And I do indeed pray to the one who is going to be a Saint. I have a statue right here at my desk, and his writings were the first real theology I studied...last spring. (Formally, I mean, having to write papers, etc.)
I WANT a job I'll keep forever....or at least a career path to stay on for once! And in the arms of the Church, that would be a good thing. YOU know!
Tara ~ We'll see. There's so much I don't know, I dont' have a Theology undergrad degree, which is a requirement, but the DRE who was recently hired there told me to apply anyway because my current Grad studies might overcome that requirement. And I love the Faith, have great references (2 priests at my parish), and some other possible connections who might just serve as impromptu character witnesses. We'll see. It's all in God's hands, and, well, it's not bad to have the interviewing experience.
I'm praying, Adoro.
Adoro, on what date is your interview scheduled? I'll be praying for you.
jeron ~ On Monday (feast day of St. Monica) :-) And thank you.
And if they were really interested in you, could there be the possibility that they might even provide some assistance for you to finish your degree? I wouldn't want to get your hopes on that score but you never know what might happen.
Will keep you in my prayers.
Praying....
About the interview--yay!! You'll be in my prayers on Monday.
nancy ~ I'm not sure if that's an option or not. I know there are no Archdiocesan scholarships, but who knows? Individual parishes may have a fund for furthering the education of their employees.
At least this semester is taken care of...next semester's problems still to come!
Thank you, all, for your prayers. I don't know if this is where God wants me or even if the position would pay a living wage. It could be akin to $12/ hr, and I can't live on that.
So we'll see how it goes.
Adoro, I've been job hunting for the past six months too, and, Deo Gratias, got a job at the last minute. I shall add prayers to St Philomena the wonder worker (she helped me) and I'll light a candle to St Monica for you.
BTW, if you are doing your best to pray and are receiving the Sacraments regularly, then wherever you end up is where God wants you, even if it's only for a short time. Chin up!
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