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Tuesday, June 12, 2007

The Situation Groweth Dire

I don't know how much longer I can hold out. I can NOT do this job anymore. I can't go into it, but I'm having moral issues with my work, and I can't get out of this industry soon enough.

We're in our busy season and we're supposed to be in robot-mode. I don't have a robot-mode. Someone forgot to tell the Company that they hired human beings. My entire team is ready to walk off the job. We love our Manager, and if it were not for him, we'd all be gone. But we can't remain miserable just because we happen to like our leader.

Today is Day 9 of my Novena to Our Lady of Perpetual Help. I know that she has been interceeding for me, for I have experienced much grace of late, very directly connected to her. One of my intentions was with regard to school, and there may be an answer for that soon..maybe not, but I have an appointment with a person of note, and I have a sense that this meeting won't just be about school, but about deeper topics as well. I will say no more about that.

But the job...another of my own intentions. The job has no end in sight, although I'm closer than ever to simply picking up my things and walking out the door, never to return. The only reason I haven't done that is because I'm just wise enough not to. But I had to literally hold on to my desk today to prevent my sudden flight.

My stomach is in knots, and every time I see something around me which is related to my job (which is quite often as I can't avoid these objects), my stomach turns and I'm nearly overwhelmed with despair. And I'm barely holding despair at bay...I just can't keep this up. I am losing this battle, and I have nowhere to go.

I am clinging with all my might to the hand of Our Lady, because I know that even if I falter and let go of her...she will never let go of me.

Ok, now I'm crying and I have to not do that because I have a meeting tonight at the church.

Does anyone out there have use for a Catholic in need of good, moral, useful employment? My resume is ready to go!

27 comments:

Xavier Martel said...

A.D.T.,

Now would be a good time for you to try out the prayer to St. Joseph the Worker if you haven't already. I credit this prayer with my ability to withstand my job.

O glorious patriarch St. Joseph, humble and just craftsman of Nazareth, you gave to all Christians, but particularly to us, an example of a perfect life of assiduous work and of admirable unity with Mary and Jesus. Help us in our daily work so that we might find in it an effective means of glorifying our Lord, of sanctifying ourselves and of being useful to the society in which we live.

Obtain for us from our Lord, O beloved protector, humility and simplicity of heart, attachment to work, benevolence towards those who work with us, compliance with the divine will in the difficulties of this life and joy in bearing them, consciousness of our specific social mission and the sense of our social responsibility, a spirit of discipline and prayer, docility and respect for our superiors, fraternity toward our equals, support in times of stress, charity and indulgence for our dependents.

Help us to follow your example and to keep our sight fixed on Mary, our Mother, your gentle wife, who wove silently in a corner of your humble shop, smiling sweetly. May we never avert our eyes from Jesus, who worked with you at your carpenter's bench, so that we may in like manner lead peaceful and holy lives on earth, the prelude to the eternally happy one which awaits us in heaven for ever more. Amen


Pope Pius XII

onionboy said...

After I resigned what would be my final Protestant pastor gig and about five months before becoming fully Catholic I prayed a novena to St. Joseph for the intention of employment. 13 months later an answer came in finding regular employment in a Catholic bookstore (the one I just resigned from to accept the job offer and a total, another total, career change).

Many times during that 13 months I wondered what, if anything, God and St. Joseph were doing. I suppose I felt God owed me something for resigning from a job that had become untenable for me as I could no longer teach Protestant doctrine and Willow Creek mega church values because he was moving my heart so strongly toward the Church his Beloved Son instituted. That's not really true, in fact, for the first time in my Christian life I understood that God owed me nothing. Still, it was hard, hard to wait and to trust.

If any of that connects for you good. If it doesn't just trash it and put it down to my trying to show I care and hope it works out for you.


O
::thrive
luminousmiseries
onionboy.ca

tara said...

I'm going upstairs--now and pray a Rosary for you! I know that pain, it's hard to work at a job you hate.

Maybe you could take a vacation, and look intensly for a new job? You absolutely cannot stay!

Melody said...

Adoro, I'll pray the Divine Mercy chaplet for you.

uncle jim said...

Aren't there any 'job posting' web-sites in your area that are for Catholics?

Or classifieds in your Diocesan Newspaper [if you have one]?

Get that resume out to people in prayer-groups, nan parishes, and whatever other places you interact with Catholics. Not everyone reads your blog.

And dear Fathers, diocesan and order, surely you know people. Get the word out for this sister.

Adoro te Devote said...

XM ~ Thank you. I have prayed that prayer and have taken those sentiments for over 4 years now. I am quite literally in prison.

onionboy ~ Thank you for sharing that part of your history. I didn't realize you were at Willow Creek mega church. Are they everywhere? And I certainly won't "trash" what you have to say!

Tara ~ I actually took vacation in March, after a few months of extreme stress, which is back in full force. I had requested a leave of absence, which was denied, but God denied it first because I would have had to use up all my vacation time...and then live off of savings. That's when my water heater went...that was God's answer at the time. "Stay put or I'll break something else!". lol I came back, it's been bearable....but the stress is back and the moral issues won't go away. I'm seeing more and more how the "values" of this field contradict the true moral values of our faith, and I can't live this dichotomy. When I try to follow what in my heart I know is right, I am forced to take the wrong path, but I can't just walk off the job. Or am I supposed to? It's a subtle evil, not anything obvious, but one I'm recognizing more and more, especially with regard to me, interiorly. I can't explain any further than that. The reality is that what I do every day affects people, and it changes me for the worse, and knowing this is crushing me.

I can't take vacation like I did before...I have only 50-something hours but I am taking a couple days at the end of June.

And the problem with job hunting...there is NOTHING out there for me! I'm not qualified for anything other than jobs that won't even pay my car payment! (which isn't much, by the way). Never mind the mortgage, which is actually cheaper than rent if I live in a safe area.

God has put me here for a reason, and I am begging with all my heart to be released because I can't dig myself out. Almost 5 years now of this torture....Purgatory would be better. But apparently this suffering is what I'm supposed to be doing.

I've been praying Raguel's prayer from the book of Tobit in last week's readings.

Thank you for your prayers...the only thing that can save me is prayer.

Melody ~ Thank you ...Divine mercy is so needed!

Adoro te Devote said...

uncle jim ~ There is a catholc jobs website but it has literally 2 listed jobs, both in other cities, neither of which are for me.

Our paper doesn't have any listings for employment. I checked the archdiocesan web page, they list for Catholic schools and parish openings....nothing I'm qualified for.

I'm quite literally not qualified for anything any more. I worked so hard to never be in this boat, and that's why I'm here...because 12 years ago or so I told God what I knew best, and now I'm reaping the "rewards" of my insolence.

That is quite literaly it, in a nutshell.

My uncle was a friend of Padre Pio, and that uncle wanted me to be a teacher. I turned it down...funny thing....now I want to be a teacher.

I wish I had listened to him and everyone else who agreed with him.

Anita Moore said...

J., I know exactly how you feel. I'm in a field where it takes a long time to find a new position. I pray you find something new really soon.

Little Margaret, pray for her!

Ma Beck said...

Oh, how it pains me to see this post.
I will keep you in my prayers, dear Adoro.
Pray, pray to St. Jude.
I'm sorry I don't have any better advice.
Move to Chicago.
;)

UltraCrepidarian said...

Adoro: Praying for you! This is tough tough stuff. I know how it feels. When my employment and money situation (which are of course tied together) are not working out for me, I know exactly the levels of despair and anguish, and that stress and tension in your body that build up and make you physically sick. I will offer some extra prayers tonight, and ask Our Lady and St. Joseph her protector and spouse, to protect and watch over you.

W

Melody said...

Adoro, just a thought, I wonder if you have considered substitute teaching. In many places you can sub without a teaching certificate if you have a degree. Of course jobs would not be that plentiful until fall, though there are year around schools in some places. The pay isn't too bad, and it might tide you over until something more permanent came up. I know how a toxic job can make all aspects of your life miserable!

Adoro te Devote said...

melody ~ Good thought, but I'm nowhere near qualified to work as a teacher in anyplace other than my parish as a volunteer. And MN does require licensure even as a substitute.

All ~ Thank you for your prayers!

swissmiss said...

Adoro:
Very sad post, gut wrenching. I will keep praying...just wish there was something I could do to help your immediate situation.

What field are you looking in and/or what type of work? That might help some of us locals think of something.

Adoro te Devote said...

swissmiss ~ That's part of the problem. My degree is in criminal justice. I started out in law enf., will never go back. Have volunteered in Probation, and was trying to get in there, no success. Have done security, again, will never go back but it will also not pay my bills so not an option. Have worked with developmentally disabled/ mental health...doesn't pay enough and it burned me out.

So I'm really stuck. I'm in insurance (if that helps explain anything), will not go into detail, but the only things I'm currently qualified for are more of the same.

I want to write, I want to get into education, I can do public speaking, I'm good with people (yes, I realize people say that kind of thing all the time but I have a proven track record with dealing with people from all backgrounds!), etc.

I have nowhere to go, because I see nothing but darkness from the paths I took in the past and I am desperately seeking something with a future, something with hope, something in God's grace. I can't handle dealing with the criminal element anymore.

:-(

Ruth said...

I stopped by to thank you so much for your comments over at my blog. It means a lot to me and my readers that you stop by so faithfully, leave comments and share your faith life.

I am saddened to see your employment struggle. One of my friends who wanted to teach and didn't finish her degree landed a job teaching English as a second language. I don't know the qualifications she needed but what she did was check out teaching opportunities where a degree wasn't needed. If I can reach her I'll find out info for you. I can also google around. Will let you know if I find anything concrete.

And I will definitely pray as well. God bless.

Angela Messenger said...

Praying you can hold on long enough until help arrives.

O Mother of Perpetual Help, with greatest confidence I present myself to you.
I implore your help in the problems of my daily life.
Trials and sorrow often depress me; painful privations bring heartache into my life; often I meet the cross.
Have pity on me compassionate Mother.
Take care of my needs, free me from my sufferings or if it will be the will of God that I should suffer still longer, grant that I may endure all with love and patience.
Mother of Perpetual Help I ask this in your love and power.
Amen.

Anonymous said...

I am in the same situation, but not to the same degree. My job is going to move away in the indefinite future. I completely understand what you are thinking and feeling. I will pray for you and for your job situation.

BretonHobbit said...

adoro--
the blogosphere can be an odd place sometimes, but this is where it gets cool: all these people praying for you! best of luck, this is a tough spot to be in:-/ so many of us have been there, but for all our advice, we certainly can't replace the voice of the Lord that you'll discern in your heart...which is where the prayer espsecially kicks in;-)
take care!
peace

Fr. V said...

Just stopped by to see how you were doing before I have to fly ou the door - no time to really comment - but, praying for you!

As Onion Boy said - THRIVE!

Ma Beck said...

ATD,
I see that MN has a licensing requirement for subbing, however, it looks like you would just have to take a couple of tests and get a criminal background check.
(I could be wrong, but that's what it looks like - with the shortage of teachers, they aren't going to make it too hard to sub, I wouldn't think.)
I don't know if you're interested in that, but I think you'd make a fine teacher, and the pay really is good.

Mrs Jackie Parkes MJ said...

i liked your previous post too! God bless

Anonymous said...

Ma Beck ~ Licensure is a requirement of the state. That is actually an 18 month course. (info provided by a guy in my office who used to teach Math).

~ Adoro

:o) said...

what about going to the library to see what other types of careers can branch off a law enforcement degree? What about being a paralegal?

I'll pray for you too. It is hideous to be in that situation.

Sara said...

Adoro--as a criminology major who also somehow blundered into insurance, I feel your pain! I know all too well what it's like to hate the job you need to put a roof over your head. I used to sit in the parking lot and cry before my shift started.

Sara

Adoro te Devote said...

Wow.

Thank you, everyone, for your support and your prayers.

As far as where I could go...I've looked into all the legal fields, but only as an act of desperation because I want nothing to do with the legal world. Unless it was on behalf of the Church. :-) I'll do anything for the Church. :-)

But paralegals actually have a certain background requiremnt in their education. I actually have more education than a paralegal does, but their track is more specific to what they do.

That, and most of the paralegal jobs have to do with personal injury attorneys, and i've had more than enough of that, thank you. UGH!

Sara ~ Yup, sounds familiar. Crying in the parking lot. Before work, lunch hour, after work.

anon ~ you are also in my prayers.

Ruth ~ I'll look into ESL...I do think that requires a license here, too, but maybe not. I know I could teach it and it could put my Spanish to use! LOL

Today is the feast day of St. Anthony of Padua...been praying to him all day to help me find a better job.

onionboy said...

"I didn't realize you were at Willow Creek mega church."

I worked for 3.5 years for one of their affiliated churches and yes, those, are everywhere. It is a large, by Canadian standards, Presbyterian church...at one point they were hovering around 1000 attenders.
O
::thrive
luminousmiseries
onionboy.ca

Our Word said...

Hang in there, chum. I've been through it as well, and even the idea of offering it up doesn't seem like much consolation at the time. But, as miraculous as it may seem, in the end it does seem to work out.

Mitchell