The face of a demon?

I'm going to be very candid here. Demonic attacks are REAL, and they happen all the time...including at Mass.

THe last few nights I was not sleeping well as I was having bad, or at least strange dreams, but what was worse was that I would wake up terrified for no apparent reason. My dogs were both sleeping peacefully, so I KNEW there was nothing so dangerous as, say, a fire or someone in the house who didn't belong there.

Last night was different in that I slept well and did not wake up with that odd terror. But I did have a very bad dream. I just happen to be arachnophobic...a phobia which goes back to childhood. It's pretty common, as you well know.

In my dream last night, I was in a crowd somewhere, seated, and suddenly I brought my hand up and screamed as I saw the huge spider attached to me. The thing was black, had a bright red stripe running down each leg, and the bottom portion of the spider's leg was red. I think it had red eyes, too, but I only saw two of them that I can remember.

This spider was larger than my hand, but it clung to my fingers. I couldn't shake it off, I couldn't do anything. And although I screamed and begged for help, the people around me simply acknowledged that the spider was there and failed to do a thing to assist me.

I didn't wake up terrified, which is odd, given the content of the dream, but something worse happened; when I sat at Mass this morning, the image came to me and I could almost FEEL the spider still clinging to my left hand. The panic that washed over me was so strong that I shuddered in revulsion and actually shrunk down where I sat. Tears of panic came to my eyes and I had to focus hard to escape the feeling. Intellectually I KNEW that there was not a spider clinging to my hand, but the images from the dream were very real.

Focusing on the words of the readings was helpful, but it didn't end there.

The homily was about the sacrament of the sick, and while Father spoke about it, suddenly I was overcome by the "knowledge" that I am not long for this world. In short, I am going to die. It was an odd certitude that I could not deny, a type of premonition similar to other premonitions I have had regarding some things. And still I tried to focus on what Father was saying, but the feeling grew stronger, and that sensation of panic returned again. I prayed that I would have the benefit of Confession and the Sacrament of Annointing before I go to my judgment, and I remembered the scapular I am wearing. I prayed to Our Lady for assistance if I really am to die.

Now, keep in mind: I am perfectly healthy. I do not have a terminal illness (as far as I know), and I also know that disasters happen every day. So the thought that I might die isn't so bad. It can goad one into living a better life.

But of course, this was the inappropriate time to think about such things and I needed to focus on the Mass.

But different passages came to me, such as, "Fool! What you don't realize is that this very night your life will be required of you!"

And as I struggled with this, I prayed to the Lord and to my Guardian Angel for assistance, and finally, the words I needed came to me, "I have not given you a spirit of fear...."

I realized that what gripped me was fear. Demon, thy name is Fear, Lord, deliver me from the demon called Fear.

I don't think I actually prayed those words, but I realized that I've been under attack since sometime last night by this insidious beast. The spider clinging to my hand was the face of Fear, and now that I recognize him, with God's hand I can crush him. He cannot torment me when I face him squarely with the Truth that Jesus is Lord and Savior.

And as I knelt during the consecration, the last of the feeling of panic left me, although I sensed that it was still there...just hiding. I prayed for deliverance from this beast, and as I walked up to recieve our Lord, I continually prayed for deliverance. When I returned to my seat and knelt, I could not stop crying..the tears just began to fall. I wasn't sobbing, my eyes were just tearing and for awhile, it felt like a waterfall.

That happens from time to time, but the subject of tears is for another post.

I have experienced attacks of this type before. Last fall at the Eucharistic Congress, during the Mass I felt an amazing oppression which was just crushing. I wanted nothing more than to run from the convention center and into open air. And the closer we got to the consecration, the heavier this weight became. I nearly had to hold onto my chair to keep myself from fleeing. I'm thinking my Guardian Angel may have called in reserves to sit on me, also.

Then as soon as I had recieved Communion, the weight lifted..and as I knelt, the weight lifted more and was gone. The panic was gone, the feeling that I needed to flee the room was GONE.

I KNOW I am not the only one out there to experience these things. I especially know that I am no saint, and this tells me that those who ARE very close to God, or even a few steps closer than I must be suffering this battle constantly.

So! Since I now have about 5 or 6 regular readers...tell me your stories! Maybe post your own on your blog (and then tell me how to link them here).

God Bless and be strong. Let us end with a prayer:

St. Michael the Archangel, defend us in battle.
Be our protection against the wickedness and snares of the devil.
May God rebuke him, we humbly pray
And do thou, O Prince of the Heavenly Host
By the power of God
Cast into hell Satan and all the evil spirits who prowl about the earth
seeking the ruin of souls.

AMEN!