Vulnerability

It is not easy to follow Christ.

There's a line in John Paul II's Stations of the Cross that always strikes me: he speaks of how it was Peter's love for Jesus that set him up for failure. When Jesus was arrested, Peter followed Him. It was in this act of following Our Lord that his faith was confronted, and he faltered. Not once, not twice, but three times. Thrice, he denied Our Lord.

We are no different. This morning I was pondering my own failures, and how I was so ready to run away from discernment, from any vocation at all.

And then I met the uncondemning gaze of Christ, and was ashamed. No one ever said discernment is easy. It's not. It's brutal. To discern one's vocation is to follow Christ into the very pits of Hell, if He so beckons. It means to come under the same scourge, to be weighed down, with Him, under the weight of the Cross. It means we must have a willingness to stretch out our own hands and offer everything we have, everything we are, everything we have ever been or will ever be. It is an act of total surrender.

That very act is what brings us to failure. Not God's failure, but ours. We have to confront ourselves. We have to fall to the ground and die so that He can raise us up to new life.

Even outside of the context of discernment, all of us, in following Christ, has to enter into His Passion and pass through it. It's the only way to become who we are called to be as children of God.

We have to become vulnerable and risk everything so that Our Lord can act in us. We have to be willing to set ourselves up for failure for it is only through those failures that we can be purified and learn humility.

If we truly desire to know Christ, and claim that we love Him, we have to be willing to follow Him everywhere, no matter how often or how hard we fall. He will never abandon us.

Will we abandon Him?
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Introducing...Are You Ready....?

...a new blog on the block, Lay Mystagogues. 

These guys, Jack and Andy,  are dear friends of mine (although I always get their names mixed up for some reason). They've got a lot to say about the Church today, about the Liturgy, the importance of the Liturgy, and seriously, if you're a serious Catholic with any opinion at all, you might find some discussion here.  

If you like Fr. Z., you should be following Jack and Andy, Lay Mystagogues.  In fact, Jack and Andy are a lot like Fr. Z. in a different canonical and juridical state.  Except they haven't yet started the art of fisking articles, they're not ordained, they don't reside in Rome, no one knows who they are, and they don't have degrees in theology. But still...the resemblance is uncanny.  

And, guys, Andy and Jack...a word of advice from an experienced blogger...don't let your commenters get out of hand.  YOU set the standard for snark, and if they get snarkier than you, shut it down.  If they get holier than you...count yourself blessed.  (The latter is what you're going for!)  

Welcome to the Blogosphere, St. Blog's Parish, and every other pop-word out there for the latest craze!  

Everyone go visit these yahoos and show them your heartfelt support!  

:-D 

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God in the Small Things

We always want to do big things for God or for others, and so often we get so caught up in doing "big things" that we forget that no one remembers those things.  What people remember is the small stuff. The things that seem insignificant...but aren't.  People are far more touched by small kindnesses than they are by big awards or events.   And it's those little tiny "insignificant" events that might actually turn lives around.  

This weekend, God opened my eyes to bring this point home to me, revealing to me His own personal example of loving guidance.  There were many little moments where His hand was clearly manifested, and continued to be so. In fact, on Sunday, it was one huge river of Grace. Not rushing rapids, but a gentle current that just pulled me along, completely oblivious to the fact I was being carried.  

There have been constant reminders to focus on Him, to keep my focus on Him even when not in the chapel, and the result has been incredible.  Not because of any kind of "mountaintop" experience (which I don't think I've EVER had), but rather a consistent interior "ache" to be with Jesus, all the time, in every moment.  I've found that this "ache" isn't satisfied even when I am in the presence of the Blessed Sacrament, but instead, it's a sort of sweet agony.  

To be clear, this is nothing akin to that described by the Saints; it could be that I'm borrowing terms because I have none of my own to use. But I do know objectively that I have not reached those heights and do not desire to mislead anyone in that regard.  

This is maybe only a consolation, a small one, but one that keeps drawing me closer to God.  

In any case, these little revelations of God's work have revealed to me His greatest love is not in the huge events, but in small, insignificant, passing moments.  We imitate Our Lord most perfectly when we do some small unnoticeable thing for another person, or even if we spontaneously duck into the church in passing by, just to say "hello" to Our Lord.  Our smallest acts of love have the greatest effect, both spiritually and in our relationships with others.  

God's small acts of love are similar, for that is how we come to know Him more deeply, but each of these little moments draws us more deeply into His heart. As we are drawn, we also come to more greatly appreciate the Cross and even desire to be united in any possible way with our Love...even if it means taking on the ultimate suffering.  When we experience this kind of love, it creates in us a desire to give ever more, until we are willing to give EVERYTHING for such a rare treasure. 

We don't get to that point because of a single big event (excluding the Apostle Paul!), but rather, through little, mutal acts of love.  Acts that no one notices, except for those who are truly, madly, deeply....passionately...in love with each other. 

If we really, honestly desire to become Saints, the only way to get there is to keep our eyes on Our Lord, and never let anything distract us. Indeed, we will fail, but each time we look upon Him again, this is an act of love. Each time we fall,  He is hurt more than we, but our decision to rise up and look to Jesus again is a heroic act of love.  This is far more meaningful than living a cookie-cutter-Stepford-wife kind  of existence.  God did not create Stepford Wives;  He created human beings. He created us so that His love could be expressed in the most profound ways possible.  

It is in offering the small acts of love that one day we'll be prepared to offer the greater. And it is in our offerings that we are filled to overflowing. 

It starts in the details, it remains in the details...and those details multiply. 

Are we willing to love God so much that we can set aside our desire for big things...in order that He can show us His perfect love in the little ones?

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Keep Your Eyes on God

Recently, I had a very vivid dream. 

I was at work, but not in my own parish. It was in a Church in which I'd never been, but I was being drawn to visit Our Lord, and when I entered, I was surprised to see a small middle section of pews moved to the front and center of the church, pressed against the communion rail, front and center before the High Altar. In fact, it seemed even the High Altar had moved towards the rail.  There were plants and flowers around the altar/tabernacle, but there wasn't a single person in the room. 

I wasn't sure I was supposed to be there as it seemed it was set up for something special, and that center section seemed more proper to maybe priests than some random person like me. But all I wanted to do was pray, to spend time with Jesus, and so I went to the first pew, thinking if the Pastor or anyone else arrived and completed their setup for the event, I would get out of the way. 

As I prayed, more and more people began to arrive. Other people, lay people prepared a few things on the altar, such as a special monstrance. I was happy to be allowed to remain, thinking maybe there would be a benediction. 

A woman and her very ADHD son knelt down next to me. Well...she did. He was all over the place, freaking out, noisy.  As she tended to him, she leaned over to apologize to me. But her apologies were in vain for the child didn't disturb me at all. She did. Why was she apologizing for her son, who actually, was in the process of finding art and dragging it with great effort of out storage and into the sanctuary?  I was grateful for his overactivity, and irritated by the mother who knelt and focused on him...but not on God.  

People were everywhere, and suddenly I realized the pew section had expanded to accomodate them. I was now several rows from the altar, and moved a bit to the side as another section had been added.  The Church was filling up. Not with quiet people, though. Some were noisy, some were quiet and recollected. But...they were beautiful. Not in the real physical sense, but in their very presence. It was a mix of...everyone. 

*

Somewhere around there, I woke up.  

This is a dream I pondered for awhile, a couple days, in fact. And then realized the obvious revelation:  throughout the dream, there was a voice saying, "Keep your eyes on Me" or "Keep your eyes on Jesus".  In the dream, no matter what happened, I kept my eyes on the tabernacle, and NOTHING disturbed me.  

(Nada te turbe. Let nothing disturb you.  ~ St. Teresa de Avila)  

Being moved backwards to allow others to come closer to Jesus..that seemed only right in the dream. I was not offended.  I was not disturbed. I could still see Him. Indeed, I wanted to be right at His feet, but He did not will it...it didn't matter. 

I realized that this is exactly what St. Catherine of Siena addressed, what all the Saints have addressed, what Pope Benedict XVI in Called to Communion addresed...what Jesus of Nazareth, our Lord and Savior ALWAYS taught:  Love God and love neighbor.   

No matter what we do, we have to keep our eyes on God. We don't "love our neighbor" and then love God. It's the other way around. We TRULY love others BECAUSE we love God and can't take our eyes off of Him. 

Even in my dream, I wondered because I couldn't figure out why all the noisy people didn't irritate me in my prayer. But it didn't matter...it was all about Jesus. They were just as drawn to Him as I, even if they didn't understand. Even if they weren't focused. They belonged to Him, too. 

It was all about love of God and love of neighbor.  Their being and purpose doesn't disrupt mine, but enhances it.  That constant litany, "Keep your eyes on Me" is what allowed me to love those around me, no matter how irritating they were. It made me UNDERSTAND them, and forgive them, and love them, more than I could ever have done on my own.  

What a lesson.  I needed that.  

I've been working hard, lately, on trusting God, in putting my focus on Him. I lost my focus. I looked at everything else, but put Him in a corner. 

I need to put God front and center in my life.  That means Mass, daily if I can get there, it means prayer needs to come before anything else (maybe even coffee!), and it means that when something disturbs me, I need to look to Christ in any way I can. Maybe it'll mean straining to look at Him over the tops of a mass of teeming people. Maybe it'll mean finding His presence interiorly. Maybe it'll mean just knowing He is there and believing even when I can't see.  

I've failed at this, and constantly fail at it.  But it's what we are called to do. 

The reality is that we need to keep our eyes on God, in every moment.  We need to know Christ, recognize the Cross, and know we are in its shadow. Life will never be easy.  But it is always Grace.  

What it comes down to is this:  If we aren't keeping our gaze upon God, then to whom or what do we dedicate our devotion?  

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Gifts

Today I was given a rose. I won't be seeing my mother today, or any time soon, so I didn't buy any of the flowers available, but I dearly love roses and couldn't stop looking at them.

Many roses and corsages were not sold today, and the volunteers explained they take what is left to a nearby nursing home, but before they left, they offered me a flower, and in fact, picked out a perfectly-formed red rose.

In some ways, I felt bad about it, and that I might be depriving someone of the flower, but something told me to accept the gift, so I did so gratefully.

Shortly after that, after the flowers had been carted away, I was standing near the church speaking with two of my volunteers, a mother and son. Another woman we know came into the church, hoping to purchase some flowers and was disappointed to be too late. I felt guilty standing there holding a flower I had not purchased, and so offered it to her. After I assured her that I would not be seeing my mother today, and that the flower was given to me, she accepted it. The boy in our little group also offered her his flower, and explained that his mother was already wearing hers.

Well, the woman was very grateful and explained that she and her father were headed out to the cemetary to lay the flowers on her mother's grave. I believe this is her first Mother's Day without her own mother.

It wasn't until I returned to my office that I realized what had just happened. That rose was never meant for me; it was a gift given not to be kept, but to be held until the one to whom it really belonged could come in and pick it up.

That's what God does with EVERY gift He gives us; nothing belongs to us. Nothing comes from us. All that we have is transient and is meant to be passed on for the greater good of another. If we selfishly hold on to things, not only do we end up holding what does not belong to us, but we deprive another of something God intended them to receive.

God is always in the details, and knows our deepest needs. He knew this dear lady would not make it to the church in time, but He provided out of His great providence. I am profoundly humbled to be a witness to His loving care of a soul in need.

Thank you, Jesus.

B.U.L.L. (censored)

Everyone, put down whatever you are drinking and go immediately to the following post.  

Acts of the Apostasy: The 3 R's - Reading, 'Riting & Restrictions

Both he and I refuse to be responsible for your choking/drowning death and/or keyboard or monitor. 

Mantilla twitch to Adrienne for directing my mouthful of water...uh...attention...to this post.   My dear, you didn't have a proper disclaimer.  YOU owe me a new monitor! 

Seeking God

Recently, I sat in a room where a speaker posed this question:  

 "We have the ask, 'Where ARE the young adults? Where do we find them? How do we reach them?'"

There was more, and it was part of a larger discussion, but, of course, you know me: I can't keep my mouth shut. I was seated near the front of the room, which perhaps gave me more courage to speak up since I couldn't see who-all was listening (or not).  I confess...I do fear to speak up in groups, especially when those with more experience and knowledge are present.  But not that day. 

The presenter was missing a huge piece of the puzzle, and I realized that even though he has young adult children, since they hadn't fallen away from the Church he didn't realize what was going on in the real world.

I knew in that moment that an insight that had come to me earlier this week was being brought to fruition, and I had to speak up on behalf of all those who are still lost. I know them, because I was one of them.

We are many, and many of the current models used to reach young adults simply don't work because they assume somewhat regular attendance at Mass, if at all.  And those models also assume a hands-on approach.  Not evangalizing through revealing Christ, but evangelizing through finding slave labor for various causes.  

Speaking up

I raised my hand and explained that I still fit into the "Young Adult" category, then proceeded, in answer to the presenter's question, to explain my experience. I didn't go into detail. In fact, there was only the briefest of outlines in my head as I explained my involvement in high school, going to a Catholic college and falling away. I explained my family moved out of town and I moved into another city to begin my life as an adult...and had nowhere to go. My entire perception of what it meant to be Catholic meant "doing stuff." And if I couldn't "do stuff" as I was used to, how could I be Catholic?  

I stated very clearly that I would go to Mass on occasion, to one parish or another, looking for home, but not knowing what it meant to be Catholic. I didn't know my faith. I said that the young adults out there don't know their faith, either. They're floating around, maybe like I was, thinking that being Catholic meant "doing stuff", and while that's important, it's not our focus or reason for being.  It's not a way to find Home, where we belong. 

I said that it wasn't until I finally began seeking God that I really found my way Home.

When I had begun speaking, I didn't mean for it to turn into a testimony. I wanted to give insight into the fact that the models don't work because floaters aren't around to come into the realm that belongs to the current modes of evangelization. The speaker actually didn't really look very happy with what I was saying, although he seemed to listen attentively. I was grateful when a young woman behind me affirmed my experience as hers had been similar in some ways, and then, later another woman had even more to say.

All of that happened near the end of the session, and I turned and made eye contact with the last woman, mouthing "Thank you" to her own profound words. She understood so clearly what the speaker did not seem to want to understand.

I didn't get into "issues" such as why it was so hard to find a parish; I didn't discuss the problems with theology and liturgical abuse which I could not have articulated from that time in my life.  I don't think I could give a short explanation as to why architecture, theology, and body postures during the consecration matters so much, and why departures from norms I didn't even know EXISTED drove me away from countless parishes.  I let those issues be;  there may be another time and place in another large event that will force me to bring that up and tie it up in its own little giftbox for those who don't want to receive it.  

Where are the young adults? 

That's a good question.  Let me answer some of it:  they (we!)  are seeking God. And if they enter a parish and find the theology of the parish to be wishy-washy, they leave. If they find disunity, they leave. If they find outreach without sincerity and REAL understanding...they walk.  They realize their lives are worth far more than a ten-cent smile and a frivolous handshake.  They don't want their singlehood to become one of slave labor to the Church, their singlehood a memory of years spent in weird pigeonholed isolation at a parish that doesn't know what to do with them other than to plug them into various volunteer holes that need warm bodies to fill them.  

Young adults want to get involved, yes. Absolutely. But not without a deeper meaning. Not without God. For their primary search, even if they can't explain it, is God. They are seeking happiness. They are seeking Our Lord, and they don't know where YOU have placed Him.  

WHERE IS MY LORD?  

Recently, I walked into a church I had never attended, and I could not find Our Lord. I could not find the red flickering light of the tabernacle.  I paced back and forth, looking for Him, not daring to pass beyond the doors into the church if I could not find him. What if I failed to acknowledge His Presence with a genuflection?  I couldn't do that. I am a sinner of Augustinian proportions;  but if I can be faithful in the small things, then let me at LEAST be faithful in those.  Please.

You want to reach Young Adults?  In your parish, make HIM prominent.  Make HIM available!  Young Adults don't want to look at rows of other people of varying ages, especially at Mass!  Christ is not primarily present in the people, and if you claim that "Vatican II said so", then be anathema for Vatican II said NOTHING OF THE SORT!   Christ is, Christ was, and Christ will FOREVER be present in the Holy Eucharist,  Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity, through the consecrated hands of an ordained priest!  NOT the people!   

If you make your parish all about the people, then what is the draw for a FAITHFUL Young Adult? 

 NOTHING!

Do you know what I did as a Young Adult, since I couldn't find Christ?  I volunteered in secular venues, looking for Jesus there.  Because I still thought being Catholic was all about doing. That, and I was career-oriented. But ultimately I wasn't seeking a career for money, but I was seeking a way to spend my life meaningfully.  

In looking back, I realize that maybe I would have had something to offer the Church if the Church had first pointed me to Christ when I had gone there seeking Him.  If maybe someone had helped me understand what SHOULD have been happening. 

I remember speaking once to a priest after a Mass. I was in tears, totally convicted by the words he'd spoken that day. And I thought I had something to offer, wanted to get involved, said a prayer and thought that maybe if this was accepted, it was the place for me.

It wasn't. I don't think I ever returned. He was nice enough, but even now, looking back, it wasn't about what I thought I had to offer; that entire encounter was about what I needed from Christ, and that was the recognition that I even existed.

How do any of us reach out to that need, especially when it's presented to us in such a hidden manner? I don't blame the priest for not knowing. After all, it took me a long time to figure out what it was I really needed at that time.

But there's a key in what came out of my mouth on the day I spoke up, something I'd never even considered, something maybe we all have to remember, no matter our role in life.

That day, I stated very publicly, there in that full room, that I didn't come back to the Church because there was stuff to do, but because I was seeking God. It wasn't until I could clearly look for Him that I could find my way Home. Because if it's not about God, it's about nothing at all.

After I had spoken, I actually felt somewhat ashamed, realizing that I'd gone off topic and I'd let my mouth run too much. My typical scourge. After the two others had spoken up, though, I felt better, and one person, afterwards, approached me and thanked me for speaking out. I was still apologetic; I hadn't intended to give a testimony. I felt it was inappropriate for the venue. She thought not, and that perhaps the Holy Spirit had a hand in my words.

I can only hope so. I know that He did for me.

Pondering

Recently I was pondering an old blog post of mine from some time ago, which lead to another. I've been frustrated on so many levels, struggling in so many ways. In encountering these posts, I realized therein was the message I needed: Let God Love You.

It's not about me. It's about God. It's about what God has done. It's about how God uses us, especially when we least expect it. It's about being still, not worrying about the next moment or next plan, and just allowing God to take charge. He is faithful. Where is our happiness? In God.

The second, related post to that one was a reminder to let God work. He has a plan, He knows what He is doing. He's in charge. He intends for us all to become Saints, if only we'd be willing to follow His plan.

We are all seeking God, in some way, and the problem is that there is an entire population out there who can't even figure out whom they are really seeking.  That's where we have to recognize that it's our place to find them. Not the chancery. Not the parishes.  Ours.  Those who have fallen away don't come to Mass.  And it's not about programming or meetings. It's about prayer. Pray for them. We can't do ANYTHING to bring them back, no matter what actions we take. We can teach the Truth. We can speak out. We can be present, but until they're ready, until the Holy Spirit draws them, we have to remember....God is in charge. 

Message For Me, Message for the Church Everywhere

That day, after I spoke, I realized that God also had a message for me.  Why had I come back, when did I come back?  I was seeking Him.  There was a purity of intention.  

For those who have fallen away, there is a similarity, but they, too need to know that God loves them. The next step is to LET God love them. 

Just as I had to learn to let God love me.  

I realized I'm still there.  I've fallen away again. I go to prayer, I go to Mass, but I'm trying too hard, focusing on things that, ironically, are still of this world. My Vocation, for example. 

Maybe it's time to sit back, remember that it was seeking Him that lead me  home initially, and perhaps its important to return to those roots, and focuse once again on Our Lord.  For only He can lead me Home. 

How do we reach anyone?  Lead them to Christ. Point to Him.  

I have news for priests and parishes everywhere, throughout the world: If you are seeking to bring back the lost, point them to Christ. Bring them to Adoration. Invite them to Mass with you and with your family.  Before you ask them to help out with something, first give them time to know and love God. For if they don't know Him, they'll fall away again and again, for FIRST we must love God...and love of neighbor, service to neighbor, flows from that. Not the other way around.  

RAPE and The Use of Language

Right now I'm fighting HARD to maintain charity, although to be honest, I've already lost it tonight, and I'm still trying to figure out how to be sorry enough to take it to Confession.  

There are few things that really get to me, and strike me right to the core of my heart and soul. There are few things that terrify me to such a degree I'd rather die a thousand horrible deaths than suffer it. 

I'm arachnophobic, very obviously so, but I'd rather allow spiders to crawl all over me than suffer what so many women and men survive every minute of every day:  RAPE 

What has set me off?  I saw that word used today in frivolous terms.  I fully believe that the person using the word "rape" has never experienced the violation of body and soul, and likely has never had anyone close to him suffer it, either.  He's likely not a person to whom it would ever happen. The reality is that to him, "rape" is just a word used in frequent news headlines, and the many euphamisms that discuss it probably make it seem like a word as normal as "terrorist" or "homicide" or "airstrike".  

Oh, wait. I see the problem. 

When, exactly, did those words become "normal"?  

We live in a violent society.  Words, especially words involving sexual connotation, are tossed around like confetti.  And all too often, what is supposed to be the most sacred, holy act a human being can do is twisted and turned into perversion, or violence...anything other than what God intended it to be.  I was raised to believe that sexual relations is a participation in God's own creative power, and even a further participation in salvation.  It is supposed to be intimate, beautiful, personal, loving...and productive.  Perhaps that product isn't always children, but more of a unitive aspect of self-giving and trust between a man and a woman who have become one flesh through the Sacrament of Marriage.  

Call me naive.  

Yet what has happened?  It goes all the way back to Eden; before the fall, Adam and Eve were naked without shame. After the fall, what was the FIRST thing they did?  They covered themselves. Why?  Because suddenly, they had ceased to be persons, but had become objects of desire. Even before they hid themselves from God, they hid themselves from EACH OTHER.  

Fast forward to today.  We can't get away from sex. It's everywhere. It's in our faces. If we want to be chaste, we are attacked.  The idea of celibacy is attacked and "experts" tell us it's unhealthy while they go on and on actively encouraging the various perversions that cause various ongoing mental illnesses and ongoing victimizations. 

I know what you're thinking.  

You're thinking that because the word "rape" used frivolously is offensive to me, it must have happened to me. You're psychoanalyzing me. 

Admit it. 

It's OK..I do it, too. Having worked a long time in mental health, it's a side effect to make such assumptions. In fact, I work really hard NOT to profile people, because, in reality, even if I'm right, it's a violation of that individual's privacy. To a degree, that kind of profiling can be helpful in aiding someone, in understanding them, and reacting to them in a professional manner. To another degree...it's an abuse of one's position and knowledge, it's an affront to the dignity of the person you've made an unwitting target, and it COULD be a detriment to the reputation of that person, whether you are right or wrong about them.  

I'm not going to answer whether it's happened to me or not, because the question is irrelevant.  To suggest I'm offended because it might have happened to me is to say that those who have not experienced such a horrible violence can't get involved because they know nothing about it. Conversely, if I were to say that it has not happened to me, you would muse that the offense comes from some other source, not the actual act of violence itself, and therefore I must be upset by something else, something very Freudian or Jungian?

Sound about right? 

You don't get that answer. It's irrelevant. And no matter what you decide about it...you're wrong. 

The reality is this:  if you use words like "Rape" frivolously to discuss what one sports team is doing to another, you've crossed a boundary.  

If you notice, even MEDIA outlets, those known to go OUT OF THEIR WAY to use words to overdramatize actions refrain from using "rape" from anything other than what it is.   They will use other euphamisms, and even non-mainstream news outlets will watch certain words.  No doubt it won't be long before that changes, but let's be thankful for that blessed respect where we can get it, ok?  

Words Implicate the Soul

When I was in law enforcement training, we had a class in interviewing. Everything I learned there has actually been bourne out, spiritually, for me.  Those things of which we are guilty we tend to talk around.  If you talk to a person about whether or not he set a house on fire, if he is guilty, he will say that he was never near the house, he will say that he never lit matches near the house...he will never use the words "set fire" or even "fire'.  If you talk to someone who has just murdered someone, they will say they never "harmed" that person. They will do everything they can to soften the terms used.  

If you talk to a rapist, that man will never use the word "rape".  If DNA evidence is present, he will use the words "sex", "intercourse", vulgar terms, and if it is suggested that he raped the woman, he will say, "she wasn't forced to do anything."    He talks around the word. A truthful person will use the word. 

Why?  Because they accept that violent word as meaning something horrible and they CONDEMN the horror of the act.  Only one who condemns the act can find the strength to say the word. 

This reality is being lessened in our world, where violent words are becoming frivolous and even pretentious slang.  

We are being desensitized, every day, to acts expressed through language. Connotations are being changed. We are being lulled.  We are being manipulated into a Pavlovian universe where bad is being made to seem good. 

And yet...if we speak out at the wrongness of this manipulation, we are villified. We are bullied. We are ridiculed. 

What disappointed me most tonight is that the person who caused the offense is supposed to be one of the "good guys."  He's supposed to be, and presents himself as being one of those who respects the role of women and the role of men.  

And yet, he didn't see a problem with his word usage. I'll not name him, it doesn't matter. Sadly, he represents too many men, and even too many women who would also not see the problem.  Even further, this person claims that because other women have not claimed to be offended, they must not be so. 

How sad.  Firstly that apparently offense against the dignity of the person comes from someone who should know better. Secondly, because he assumes that because other women have not spoken up, they must not be offended, and because that non-vote of silence was taken, perhaps I don't have a right to be offended.  

I AM offended, I have the RIGHT to be offended, and DAMN IT, as long as such abuse occurs, I am GOING to be offended, and I REFUSE to apologize for standing up for what is right!  

Language is important!  We need to stand up and refuse to be cowed, refuse to be intimidated by people who suggest we be more "tolerant", who suggest we "calm down", or that maybe we don't have the right to have an opinion to something clearly stated. 

When I worked in psych, I once had a patient who had more than enough ability to overpower me suggest, in anger that a certain waif of a staff person be raped because of the limits she set.   I've had multiple patients suggest, in all sincerity, "You should get raped, b***".    

I've been in positions, at work, where that could have happened. 

"RAPE" is NOT a frivolous word. It's an act of the worst kind of violence that can ever happen to someone, male or female.  It means something. Something more awful than anything any of us want to imagine.  Worse than many of us COULD imagine. 

We need to take care in how we use language. Are we desensitized to its true meaning?  Are we desensitizing others?  Are we offended but afraid to speak up for fear we might be attacked?

Doesn't that SAY something?  

People, speak up!  We Christians are being accused of "hate speech", but in reality, we've been experiencing it for a long time. They're just changing the definition because we've let it happen. We've let people who speak for evil desensitize us to violent words such that we don't see the violence in them anymore. We let people who speak for evil change the legal definitions such that they twist the meanings in order to silence our protests as we try to live out holiness and speak for God.  

I, for one, am not willing to stand for this.  Are YOU? 

Unceasing Desire; Unceasing Grace

This morning as I sleepily drank my morning coffee, I came across a quote from St. Augustine, compliments of Catholic Spiritual Direction:

“But there is another and interior way of praying without ceasing, and that is the way of desire. Whatever else you are doing, if you long for that Sabbath, you are not ceasing to pray. If you do not want to cease praying, do not cease longing. Your unceasing desire is your unceasing voice.”

- St Augustine

It made me sit up and pay attention. I've written before of praying without ceasing, but I've never seen this quote, or this aspect. 

Who HASN'T had that longing for God?  You leave Mass, but really would prefer to just remain, there at the foot of the Cross, having just partaken of the Sacrifice of Christ.  Who hasn't had to leave Adoration, preferring to remain there in the blessed silence of the chapel, alone with Jesus, the only one who understands you, knows you more intimately than you know yourself...and loves you anyway?

Have you ever gone about your day, wishing you could go to Mass, desiring to spend time with the Lord in prayer, longing so desperately to be with Him that you're almost ready to just fall down in the spot where you stand and BEG to be transported to Him? 

Consider Psalm 63:

O God, you are my God, for you I long; 

for you my soul is thirsting

My body pines for you

like a dry, weary land without water

So I gazed on you in the sanctuary

to see your strength and your glory. 

For your love is better than life...

On you I muse through the night

for you have been my help;

in the shadow of your wings I rejoice.

My soul clings to you;

your right hand holds me fast. 

Or

  Psalm 42: 

As a deer longs for flowing waters

so longs my soul for thee, O God. 

My soul thirsts for God

for the living God.

When shall I come and behold the face of God? 

I am constantly struck by the writings of the Saints, and the Psalms and readings in the Liturgy of the Hours.  How human are the expressions, the emotions, the reality of the blessed agony arising from a soul sincerely seeking God! 

Perhaps we can't remain in active prayer all day, but sometimes God grants us the consolation of that deep interior longing, and that longing itself is an expression of His grace.  It's not an emotion, but something far deeper. It is a sense of almost abandonment, yet...even that can't cover it. It's a sense of constantly reaching out for God, knowing He is there, and there is not a void, but a real presence. That longing isn't in vain, but in fact, as St. Augustine explains, is a very real connection to God. It is ongoing prayer, one so deep that it goes far beyond any words we can express, perhaps beyond our own physical presence?  

How often do we go to Mass, and we're not even engaged?  How often do we go to our regular Adoration hour, or pray the rosary...while our minds wander?

At times, it may be for our spiritual good that we are deprived of these devotions, but longing for something greater.  Deprivation of the Sacraments may, in a devout soul, increase fervor for God.  How pleased must God be if we leave Mass, or perhaps are deprived from attending Mass...and long so deeply for God that our longing cannot find coherent expression, but instead forges its own connection to God, leading us ever-closer to Him?  

I'm so grateful for the availability of the Sacraments where I live, for I can go to Confession any day of the week, I have multiple opportunities for Mass, and so that longing for God can be satisfied. Yet, it still remains unfulfilled in some dimension, for as long as we wander this world, we are pilgrims.  Our Lord in His mercy remains with us in the Blessed Sacrament, but until we are called to leave this world, we will have that unfulfilled longing that will only be satisfied when we are sanctified in His eternal embrace.

Our longing for God is an agonizing, joyful grace, and may it ever be present, constantly beckoning us towards greater sanctification.  Amen.

*

The Good Shepherd Lives

Last weekend we celebrated Good Shepherd Sunday, and I spent that day working on a paper on Luke-Acts for my New Testament class.

As I read again the narrative of the birth of Christ, suddenly I was struck by the fact, and the inherent symbolism of those first told of the birth of Our Lord: the Shepherds.

His very birth itself, the very location, of course, makes this call to the Shepherds obvious, for Jesus was not born into a pristine stable akin to the ones found at Churchill Downs, but rather, a cave. The caves that skirt Bethlehem, to this day, are used in the same way; to protect the flocks at night. This is where Jesus Christ was born.

Our Lord, the Good Shepherd, was born in a place used to shelter sheep, and was placed in a wooden manger, from which those sheep might be fed.

St. Leo the Great declared that the wood of the manger is that of the wood of the Cross, so we see that immediately from birth, our Good Shepherd was being prepared, as the gospels say, to lay down his life for his sheep.

Yet there is another connection; the Shepherds themselves. The Angelic messengers were sent to the Shepherds by God to call them to the side of Christ as He lay in the manger.

Are you seeing what I am seeing? Are you seeing the pattern emerging?

The Shepherds...shepherds...were CALLED by God (via the Angels), to go to the side of Christ as He lay in the manger.

The Shepherds were called to the SIDE OF CHRIST. 

33 years later, the Church would be born out of that precious side, from the very act Jesus proclaimed in the gospels in such eloquent terms; for Jesus is the Good Shepherd who laid down His life for the flock. He laid down on the Cross, and then was lifted up, drawing all men to Himself, and there, from His pierced side, the Church was born.

What did the Shepherds do when they left the side of the Infant Jesus? They proclaimed the Good News, the birth of the Messiah. They proclaimed the miracle. They were first called by God, and then sent to fulfill His will. The Shepherds...proclaiming the Good Shepherd who was born amidst a flock and laid in the wood of the manger. (Luke 1:8-20)

But there's more, isn't there? What is the Priesthood? Who are the Bishops? 

Pastors. Shepherds.

Who proclaim the good news and by laying down their own lives, they lead us through the Cross and into Eternal Salvation.  

Have you seen a Bishop's crosier lately?

Just as the Shepherds were called to the side of Christ and sent to proclaim the good news of His birth, so was the Church born out of the side of Christ, Apostles called to the scene of His Resurrection, and the Holy Spirit sent to the Apostles to continue the saving mission of Christ:  to preach the Good News, to bring Christ to the world, yet in a perfect fulfillment of the New Covenant. For the Shepherds today, too, are called to proclaim the Gospel, but with a profound authority that can be given only by God to those whom He calls, they bring Jesus Christ to His people, for it is the Good Shepherd Himself who continues to feed His flock through their hands. 

Just as the call to the Shepherds in Luke was expressed through the Angelic messengers, so today is the call and the authority passed on today through Holy Orders, for God speaks clearly through those to whom He gave the authority. (John 20:21 ff,  Luke 9: 1-2,  Acts 6:6)

It is this image, this proleptic image of the shepherds called to the side of the Infant Jesus that struck me on Sunday as I realized the eternal call of Christ to those who would Shepherd in His place, in His name, through His direct authority.  

In and through them, the Good Shepherd is brought to us, is fed to us, body, blood, soul, and divinity.  They, who have been called to the side of Christ, to enter into His wounds, to become one with Him, so that we might all have life within us.

  

If there were no Shepherds to offer the Sacrifice of Christ on our behalf, to come after us when we are lost, to call us again to the side of the Good Shepherd, we would be lost forever.  We would be taken by the wolves that roam so freely.  

We know our Good Shepherd, and we know those who stand in His place, and through them, we heed His voice and are fed, not just the Word, but the entirety of salvation. 

Our Good Shepherd, Jesus Christ the High Priest, did not lay down His life in vain, but continues to live through those He has chosen and who have answered that Call.  He comes to us through their consecrated hands, made present among us and uniting us in Holy Communion of His Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity.  Jesus claims us as His own through Baptism, completed in Confirmation, and speaks through His Priests in the Sacrament of Confession. He passes His authority through the Sacrament of Holy Orders.  He heals and brings salvation to us through the Sacrament of the Sick. 

 

All through the hands and authority of those chosen to Shepherd and guide we, His flock.  

Thank you, Jesus, for the gift of your Priesthood, and for all those you have chosen and called to serve in your place.  

*

A Married Priesthood?

In my last job, I worked with a man who was an Evangelical Pastor - part time.

He had once had his own community, of which he was the Pastor, and was very candid with me with regard to some of the struggles he and his family endured.  At the time of these conversations, I was in the beginning of my conversion back to the Church, had fallen in love with Christ, and was happy to have a friend with whom I could speak of theological and spiritual things.  He had been raised Catholic himself, but had left the Church in favor of an Evangelical belief system, and still had a great deal of respect for the Catholic Church. Of course, he clearly disagreed with many of the teachings, especially that of Jesus Christ present in the Eucharist, but supported a celibate clergy.

Why?

In the Catholic worldview, it comes down to the meaning of Vocation, and, in the Latin Church, the discipline of a celibate clergy.  There are many who take the position that ending this discipline would also end the "vocations crisis".  I've said it before and I'll say it again;  the bigger crisis is that of catechesis and, even more greatly still...logic.   

My friend described to me why he was no longer in full-time ministry.  He loved his wife. He loved his family;  he was vowed to them and dedicated to them.  Yet, as Pastor, he was also dedicated to his church.  His flock needed him, often at all hours of the night.  It put a strain on his family, it put a strain on him, and  finally he realized he had to make a choice between being a Pastor to his flock, or being a Father to his family.

He chose his family. In the Roman (Latin) Catholic world, we explain it thus:  Marriage and family is his Vocation.  Everything is secondary to that.   

He disagreed with that assessment, of course, but it's all semantics.  After all, he was Evangelical.  If he agreed, he would have returned to the Catholic Church. 

But I digress.  This afternoon, Fr. Pelletier directs us to an article written by Patricia Dixon,  now Catholic, but writing to us from her perspective of her time as a Protestant Pastor's wife.  She doesn't just address the oft-cited financial considerations, but the spiritual and emotional impact as well.  

I suspect that the issues she addresses would have my friend nodding right along, and perhaps even our Eastern Rite Catholic brothers and sisters might agree.  If I have any Eastern Catholic readers, especially clergy, I'd love their take on Mrs. Dixon's words. 

Here is an excerpt from her article: 

On top of this, a pastor's wife and children are themselves without pastoral care. No man, however talented or dedicated, can be pastor and husband or father to the same people. The objectivity required of the pastoral role is missing. But the minister's family cannot seek spiritual direction and sustenance elsewhere; loyalty and the need to avoid the appearance of a split in the family require that they remain at his church. When the father's career and the family's spiritual life are one and the same, the spiritual life suffers badly.

A priest or minister is seldom off duty. Any family activity is likely to be interrupted, often for the most trivial of reasons. A vacation at home is impossible for a clergyman's family; if he's around, he's assumed to be available to his flock. The bum-out rate among Protestant pastors is very high. If relaxing the celibacy rule increases the number of priests, it will have to increase it enough to make up for the large number who will leave the priesthood when they, like so many of their Protestant colleagues, find the toll it takes on the families impossible to accept.

Now, I will address one thing, because if I don't, guaranteed it will come up in the combox:   she takes a parish that is non-typical as her example, no doubt to be able to provide for the most obvious and most difficult situation, although under the premise that it is already an affluent parish.   I actually attend a parish that matches her scenario to some degrees, (affluency...not too sure about that. Not in my city),  and as I know that only 49-51% of ALL REGISTERED FAMILIES actually contribute to the parish...the prospects of providing for a married Priesthood gives me shivers. 

If we allow a married priesthood, we can kiss all of our beloved parish homes goodbye. 

Please read her article, ESPECIALLY if you are in the camp that thinks a married priesthood is the way to go.  Please consider the words of a woman who has been there, look beyond the political view you might hold, and see the reality of the impact upon the priest, the family, and the parish if the Church were to drop the discipline of celibacy. 

If we truly love our priests, if we truly pray for them, then we should be desiring their good, as they desire ours. It seems to me that a married priesthood as the norm would be destructive to us all.

Today is the world day of prayer for Vocations. Pray.

If we want more priests, the answer is not to change the discipline, but to pray, fast, and sacrifice for those who may have a Vocation to answer that call so that they may offer the Sacrifice of the Mass on our behalf.  

Pope John Paul II's Prayer for Vocations

Holy and provident Father, You are the Lord of the vineyard and the harvest and You give each a just reward for their work. In your design of love You call men and women to work with You for the salvation of the world. We thank You for Jesus Christ, your living word, who has redeemed us from our sins and is among us to assist us in our poverty. Guide the flock to which You have promised possession of the kingdom. Send new workers into your harvest and set in the hearts of pastors faithfulness to your plan of salvation, perseverance in their vocation and holiness of life.

Christ Jesus, who on the shores of the Sea of Galilee called the Apostles and made them the foundation of the Church and bearers of your Gospel, in our day, sustain your people on its journey. Give courage to those whom You call to follow You in the priesthood and the consecrated life, so that they may enrich God's field with wisdom of your Word. Make them docile instruments of your love in everyday service of their brothers and sisters.

Spirit of holiness, who pour out your gifts on all believers and, especially, on those called to be Christ's ministers, help young people to discover the beauty of the divine call. Teach them the true way of prayer, which is nourished by the Word of God. Help them to read the signs of the times, so as to be faithful interpreters of your Gospel and bearers of salvation.

Mary, Virgin who listened and Virgin of the Word of God made flesh in your womb, help us to be open to the Word of the Lord, so that, having been welcomed and meditated upon, it may grow in our hearts. Help us to live like You the beatitudes of believers and to dedicate ourselves with unceasing charity to evangelizing all those who seek your Son. Grant that we may serve every person, becoming servants of the Word we have heard, so that remaining faithful to it we may find our happiness in living it.

Amen.

Keeping Watch

Our Lord asks, "Can't you keep watch with me for even one hour?"

A couple years ago, in reading Salvifici doloros and Dives in miseriacordia in my John Paul II class, I was brought to my knees in contemplation of the fact that the mercy of God elicits mercy in ourselves. We cannot behold the suffering visage of Christ without ignoring the fact that His condition elicits mercy. 

We cannot offer mercy without becoming entangled within the suffering itself.  

I've written of this a few times, with no comment, for apparently the image that means the most to me leaves others indifferent, and there's nothing wrong with that.  But know that this is an image that I am going to come back to again and again, because theologically, it's important for us all to understand, and it is a point of conversion.  I didn't invent it;  I'm only experiencing the truth of it, and understanding it because of the writings of our dear Pope John Paul II.  

The Passion of Our Lord

When I ponder offering mercy to Our Lord in His Passion, I envision reaching out to the crown of thorns, seeing how they dig and tear into the tender flesh of His head, how heavily the wounds bleed, how hard the enormous thorns pull at His hair which further pulls them into His scalp.  His torturers had POUNDED those thorns beyond His flesh and into his skull.

What terrible agony, what piercing pain, and how the blood must have covered Him, blinding him as it cascaded into His eyes!  

Yet, in that awful suffering, He spoke not a word of rebuke. It was all suffered in perfect silence. 

In the Garden of Gethsemane, in His worst Agony, Jesus knew what was to come, and sweated blood, an actual biological condition.  He felt every blow. He was primed for every scourge. He knew every inch of suffering that awaited, and then befell him.  He knew the sort of suffering and death that was His to bear, for He had first sentenced us to it and then underwent this punishment Himself for we could not have withstood it.  

His moment of abandonment on the Cross, when He surrendered to all, and willfully gave up His spirit...this is the moment to which we all seek to ascend.  Not in morbidity, but in triumph. Not at our own hands, but at the hands of God who knows the proper moment, who calls us to abandonment. 

Knowing this, seeing this, how can we NOT seek to offer mercy?  How can we NOT desire to follow Him to the culmination of His Passion?  

Yet, if we seek to relieve Him, what happens?  In the Garden, if we reach out, does not the blood that He sweats also cover us?  If we seek to offer mercy when He is scourged, how can we unless we stand between the executioners and Our Lord, and allow ourselves to be beaten as well?  Can we offer Him mercy in that moment without taking on that same scourge as that which tears His own flesh from His bones?  

If we seek to relieve Him of the pain from His crown of thorns, is it possible to remove it without being punctured by those same bloody flesh-ripping points?  

Isn't it likely, that if we reach out to Our Lord in mercy, it means we MUST allow ourselves to be entangled within His own suffering, which He undertook for us?  

If we want to offer mercy as we follow Jesus to Calvary, does it not mean that we'll fall a few times?  And just as He was not alone when He fell, if we are in His steps, doesn't it stand to reason another might be conscripted to attend to us?  Perhaps we are the ones sent, but maybe we also need assistance to continue on the way. 

Finally, if we desire to offer mercy to Christ as He is nailed to the cross, perhaps we are not all called to suffer such a death, but are we not called to be PRESENT?  To remain with Him, identified with Him, villified with Him, spat upon with Him, and completely dismissed...with HIM?  

When Jesus asked His disciples to keep watch with Him, He was asking for mercy, but only a little.  In his humility, He did not ask for more, for He knew that real love REQUIRES far more than simply keeping watch.  

Yet, keeping watch is a step, and one that means a great deal. We see in scripture the consolation of the angel in His agony, and some Saints have suggested that the angel represents those souls who desire to be present with Christ, offering Him strength for what He is to do.  Simple human presence, empathy, sympathy.  Caring. 

I got a new perspective on this recently. 

For so long now, I've been so lost in wandering.  Seeing a star but not knowing how to get there to bask in the light.  Last weekend I felt totally abandoned, so lost I thought I could not find my way out.  I was headed to join Judas in the field of blood.  

Upon sharing my defeat with my spiritual director, suddenly I realized the value of having someone else present in the midst of a trial. I realized the other side of suffering alone, and then having someone there who is willing to take on some of that suffering.  To know that each and every scourge to come belongs to me alone, but someone else would be there who knows what it is about and won't leave me to bear it alone. 

Someone who can help me be Peter and not Judas, Mary and not Martha.  

Jeus asks us to keep watch with Him; He asks for our presence, He asks us in the utmost simplicity the easiest thing we have to offer:   ourselves, our presence.  

And if we offer that, He draws us to Him, inviting our mercy. It is that very mercy that draws us further into the depths of Salvation. 

Are any of us keeping watch with Christ tonight, or are we fleeing to the field of blood to be lost forever?

Jesus asks us to keep watch with Him.  He knows, and we know, that ultimately, this is not what He asks.  Keeping watch is the first step, and if we truly love Him, we won't just keep watch, but enter into the full experience of His Passion and death, ultimately reaching for the Resurrection. 

I am so grateful to finally understand the gift of not being alone in the Garden; I'll never read the Passion accounts in the same way again.  I'll never ponder the Agony in the Garden in the same way again, for I think I have finally experienced the simple consolation asked by Our Lord to His Apostles. 

Thank you, Jesus. Give me the grace to follow You through the Cross into the Resurrection. 

Grateful

This afternoon I had a meeting with my spiritual director, and I'll admit, I wasn't looking forward to the meeting. I wasn't sure how I was going to approach what I had to say, or how he would react, what he would say, etc.

While still at home, I mused that I had looked and prayed so hard for an SD, finally found one...and didn't want to go. I also knew that I would never cancel such an appointment, because sometimes the most difficult things can be the most rewarding.

I spent some time in the adoration chapel beforehand, praying. I realized that a few things were converging today: As the first of May, it is the month of Mary. It is the Feast of St. Joseph the Worker, and as a First Friday, it is a day dedicated to the Sacred Heart of Jesus. Even further, my meeting was at 3 pm, the Hour of Mercy. Having long known our Blessed Mother, having long had St. Joseph as a special patron, having forever had the Sacred Heart of Jesus as a primary devotion in my life...well, let's just say I could not ignore the fact that God is and remains present in my life and orchestrated both the day and the time of this meeting.

So I prayed, not just for me, but for my SD, for us, for our meeting, and for trust in God.

My friends, God is good. God is faithful. God is loyal.

Our meeting went well, and as always, I find Father to be very easy to talk to. He is understanding, sympathetic, and objective. And in the course of our meeting, he managed to point out two major issues I need to deal with: control and trust.

They seem so opposed to each other, yet, each has a balance.

I'm not a "controlling" person per se, as I tend to actually let a lot of things go. But that doesn't mean I trust. In fact, I have a very difficult time trusting God and trusting others. I have a hard time letting God take over, and I know WHY this is, but the knowing doesn't help me give God the reins.

It comes down to such simplicity; finding trust in God such that I can let Him take control.  

As my SD pointed out, what's going on right now is learning that trust.  God is doing something major in my life. 

I won't give a rehash of our conversation, but I will say this:  I feel like my life is falling apart. I can watch the threads that hold it all together fading, fraying, and separating.  I'm terrified. I know I'm going to lose everything, and not on my timing and in my way.  I'm still trying to be in control, tie knots to hold things together that maybe NEED to fall to pieces, for they are not useful anymore.  

I told Father of my crisis of last weekend, of wanting to give up, of being so tired.  I also explained that I realize I've lost my focus on God, and need to spend more time with Him, letting HIM decide where I should go and when. 

There is no doubt in my mind that the Holy Spirit guided our conversation, for he used phrases and words that have been in my mind all week.  And he refuses to give up on me. 

There are many in my life who have given up on me, and maybe they were right to do so. But Father won't.  I realize this is part of learning to trust in God, and to let God work as He desires.  

Perhaps it's appropriate that I found, as a spiritual director, one of Christ's own chosen sons;  for I must learn to trust God in conjunction with one who represents Him very directly.  And just as it is the Holy Spirit who acts to bring Christ to His people through the hands of the priests, so it is, in spiritual direction, that the Holy Spirit will bring the voice of My Lord into the depths of my soul through one vowed to serve in His place. 

The mercy of God is endless. 

I hope my depth of gratitude will rise as a font to meet the pefect depths of mercy of Jesus so that there I may be drowned in true life and real sacrificial love as I continue to seek to give myself, without reserve, to Our Lord for eternity.  

More Wisdom from St. Catherine of Siena

Every quote is taken from Dialogue:


"I wish also that thou shouldest know that every virtue is obtained by means of thy neighbour, and likewise, every defect..."

*

"I have told thee how all sins are accomplished by means of thy neighbour...Self-love, which destroys charity and affection towards the neighbour, is the principle and foundation of every evil. All scandals, hatred, cruelty, and every sort of trouble proceed from this perverse root of self-love, which has poisoned the entire world..."

*

"Now I wish to tell thee further, that a man proves his patience on his neighbor, when he receives injuries from him. Similarly, he proves his humility on a proud man, his faith on an infidel, his true hope on one who despairs, his justice on the unjust, his kidness on the cruel, his gentleness and benignity on the irascible."

*
"Wherefore, learn, that, in many cases I give one virtue, to be as it were the chief of the others...to one I will give principally love, to another justice, to another humility, to one a lively faith, to another prudence or temperance, or patience, to another fortitude. These, and many other virtues, I place, indifferently, in the souls...it happens, therefore, that the particular one so placed in the soul becomes the principal object of its virtue; the soul disposing herself, for her chief conversation, to this rather than to the other virtues, and by the effect of this virtue, the soul draws to herself all the other virtues, which...are all bound together in the affection of love.

I have not placed them all in one soul, in order that man should, perforce, have material for love of his fellow."

*
"Therefore I give My servants hunger and desire for My honour, and the salvation of souls, so that, constrained by their tears, I may mitigate the fury of My Divine Justice. Take, therefore, thy tears and thy sweat, drawn from the fountain of My divine love, and, with them, wash the face of My spouse.

I promise thee, that, by this means, her beauty will be restored to her, not by the knife nor by cruelty, but peacefully, by humble and continued prayer, by the sweat and the tears shed by the fiery desire of My servants, and thus will I fulfill thy desire if thou, on thy part, endure much, casting the light of thy patience into the darkness of perverse man, not fearing the world's persecutions, for I will protect thee, and My Providence shall never fail thee in the slightest need."

*

St. Catherine of Siena.... PRAY FOR US!  

St. Catherine of Siena on the Priesthood

I'm not going to give you a bio of St. Catherine of Siena, because today, you can find that bio on almost every other blog, and they all link to the sources from which they are posting. There is no shortage of information on this dear Saint!  

Last Ocbober, I read The Dialogue of St. Catherine of Siena for a class, and found this to be a life-changing book. It's one that needs to be read over and over again, much like St. Francis de Sales' Introduction to the Devout Life or Thomas a' Kempis' Imitation of Christ.   That said, it's not one I would recommend to someone not familiar with Catholic Doctrine, for while it is a mystical book, it is very doctrinal and manifests a theological depth that is astonishing, especially considering that the one who wrote it could not possibly have known any of these things.  

For those who are not familiar with the book, it is what it claims to be: a dialogue.  In this case, it is a dialogue between God the Father and the Saint, and as such, there's no real systematic format.  She alternately praises God and poses questions, which the Father answers.  One question asked had to do with the dignity of priests; and in fact, there are a series of questions pertaining to the Priesthood. I will only cite this passage, in the hopes it will inspire you to take up this work and read it for yourself in its entirety:
 

I have told thee all this, dearest daughter, that thou mayest the better recognise the dignity to which I have called My ministers, so that thy grief at their miseries may be more intense.  If they themselves considered their own dignity they would not be in the darkness of mortal sin, or defile the face of their soul.  They would not only see their offences against Me, but also, that, if they gave their bodies to be burned, they would not repay the tremendous grace and favour which they have received, inasmuch as no greater dignity exists in this life.  They are My anointed ones, and I call them My Christs, because I have given them the office of administering Me to you, and have placed them like fragrant flowers in the mystical body of the holy Church.  The angel himself has no such dignity, for I have given it to those men whom I have chosen for My ministers, and whom I have appointed as earthly angels in this life.  In all souls I demand purity and charity, that they should love Me and their neighbour, helping him by the ministration of prayer, as I said to thee in another place. But far more do I demand purity in My ministers, and love towards Me, and towards their fellow-creatures, administering to them the Body and Blood of My only-begotten Son, with the fire of charity, and a hunger for the salvation of souls, for the glory and honour of My Name. 

~  Dialogue,  p. 239-240

Who Wants to be a Trollbuster?

Thanks to my dear friend Sr. Mary, I now have a badge to display, and maybe having it will force me to actually write a commenting policy.  

Admittedly, I don't typically have a troll problem because most of what I write isn't polemical, and if it is, I often take it down because it just isn't worth it it keep up. 

HOWEVER, sometimes we all have problems with these little beasts, and so, now we have an image to use to provide fair warning to those who like to attack and run.  

(BTW:  can anyone name that movie?) 

Goin' on a Troll Hunt!

I'm not afraid!

I deleted a troll this morning.  I gotta tellya, I LOVE the smell of trolls in the morning!  It really gets the blood moving!

What's a troll?  A person (I'm assuming personhood here for the sake of charity) who crawls around the internet looking for bloggers or writers with whom to disagree. And then they spout off fun accusations without signing their name so that the author can't respond. 

Now, the one this morning wasn't too bad, and ironically, I would have maybe let it stand if there had been a name attached.  That troll accused me of having an attitude of superiority, closed-midedness, and pride.  

Those, you understand, are the default attacks of a typical liberal. (Not the nice Liberals I addressed a couple posts ago. I'm talking about the raging liberals who are trying to stifle free speech.)  

So, let's break this apart a little:   I have an attitude of superiority.   OK, that's probably true, because of course, this is my blog. And as I write, I'm taking a certain position and creating an "argument" for that position.  But is that superiority, or simply choosing a side and sticking to it?   Hmm.....I'm sure to anyone who disagrees with me, it must look like an attitude of superiority. 

Closed-midedness:  Oh, that one is easy.  Yes. I'm closed-mided. Why?  Because I'm faithful to what the Church teaches and I'm not open to suffering fools who can't be bothered to do anything other than attack.  Buh-bye. 

Pride:  Sure.  But I'm no more prideful than a spineless troll who can't be bothered to actually say something intelligent.  Accusations are just fine, but those who fire away and run are nothing but cowards, and the root of cowardice is pride.  

We've all run into trolls. My favorite troll comment is actually still in existence on my blog;  that person (again, assuming personhood) said that they hoped I would die in a car wreck as punishment for advocating an archaic and closed-minded religion.  Oooh!  There's that word again! 

Here's the thing;  I allow anonymous comments because MOST people who visit my blog, even if they disagree with something I've said, either sign a name at the bottom of their comment or are kind enough to provide some kind of rational discourse.   A troll, however, doesn't have an argument. They simply disagree and instead of actually using the intellect God gave them, they make accusations, and because they know they're being fools, they don't sign their names. 

The reality is that the internet medium invites this kind of thing, whether we like it or not.  I actually EXPECT people to disagree with me from time to time.  However, the fact is that some people (some liberals) don't like it when someone takes a position and holds on to it.  It offends their sensibilities. No doubt these people go around forcing people to "tolerate" all sorts of things, but when someone doesn't cater to their pet ideas, they go into attack snark mode and morph into a troll in hopes someone will be chastized enough to completely reverse their position.  

The idea they could actually enter into a discussion and try to rationally make their own case apparently doesn't occur to them. Nor do they care.  It is not in the nature of a troll to understand what being "open-minded" means, for their minds are so open all the grey matter has leaked out.   It is not in the nature of a troll to be rational.  It is not in the nature of a troll to have a spine.  They must be amoebas. 

Here we don't suffer amoebas, trolls, or fools.  Those who can't disagree without going on the attack don't get to stay.  Even people who agree with me, if they attack others, also don't get to stay.  As a budding Thomist, rationality needs to rule.  

It seems that I will have to formulate my own commenting policy, although I don't know that it will really make a difference.  Trolls, what do you think?

Oh, right. You don't. You just attack.  Go ahead. I'm ready to delete you.  

*

UPDATE!  I just had a COMPLETELY BRILLIANT IDEA!   However, I need someone who can photoshop to create the image.   It's a new group, not limited to Catholic bloggers, but any blogger:    TROLLBUSTERS!   Our motto?  "We're ready to delete you!"    Do I have any talented readers who would like to create the image?  

Liberals and Vocations

Last year, I went to a training function through the Archdiocese, and found myself seated at the same table of a very nice woman who happened to be a DRE responsible for the formation of young souls. 

The topic of Vocations arose, as at the same table was a man from a parish which had been left by a friend of mine who had gone from DRE to cloistered nun.  

Naturally, the connection caused us to discuss Vocations in the Church, and the DRE, the nice lady from the early baby-boomer era asked, "Do women actually DO that these days?"

She was completely flummoxed.  Her only experience with Vocations were the declining statistics and dying communities that happened to share the same hair color.  Boys weren't becoming Priests, girls were too "empowered" to bother entering religious communities. 

She'd never heard of the Nashville Dominicans, the Sisters of Mary, Mother of the Eucharist, or the LA Carmelites. She didn't know about the Sisters of Life or the Benedictines of Mary, Queen of Apostles. The idea that women were not only entering into religious life in DROVES, but were doing so in favor of faithfulness to the Magisterium, in favor of the Holy Habit, and, in fact..in favor of the cloister in some cases was a moment of complete amazement.  

She didn't know it was happening. Her entire perception of the Church was that it was dying.  In her experience, there WAS no life.  

I guess that's not too surprising.  

Recently I had a conversation with a "Liberal Catholic" regarding the topic of Vocations.  This person is faithful to the teachings of the Church, but as the other "Liberals" I described in the previous post, she maintains a foot in the secular/political world, and views the Church through this perspective. 

She was familiar with the current process of discernment, in that women (and men) who enter religious life or seminary are not making a permanent decision from the beginning. She knew it took years to take permanent vows. 

Her position is the one that flummoxed ME, for I couldn't really fathom it. 

She said that the Church should change with the culture that doesn't understand permanency, and instead, should make Vocations according to contract.  Five years, maybe. 

She said that she'd be willing to be a nun for 5 years and give that time to the Church, just as she'd be willing to give that time to the Peace Corps.  

I admit, I was so amazed the rest of my conversation was nearly incoherent.  Not in anger, but confusion.  I mean...WHAT?!

She continued in this tack. 

When I had time to settle down and think about it and how to respond, I realized that at her core, she didn't understand what the Church is and remains. She didn't understand the meaning of Vocation.  Which makes sense;  for, as a person who defines herself as a "Liberal Catholic", she would be looking at Vocation through the same cloudy goggles through which she views the rest of the Church, and the rest of the world. 

She has a default position of sympathy for those who don't understand (or even desire) permanency.

And this is so troubling, for our very nature, our very souls, draw us into permanency with our Creator.  Everything we do on earth is ordered towards this end, but we have to cooperate with it.  To do or believe otherwise is disordered.  We are ordered to perfection;  not dischord.  

A lack of permanency is by definition dischord.  

The fact is that the process within a religious community is ordered towards permanency; if it was not, there would be NO Vocations.  We'd see in religious life what we see in marriage. 

As courtship is ordered towards marriage, so is the postulancy and novitiate ordered towards permanent vows. 

Oh, wait. That's the problem.  (Please note that what follows is NOT the position of the person with whom I was speaking.  It is my own musing.)

Look at this through political eyes;  Marriage is no longer seen as a permanent sacramental union. It is seen as a governmental contract for the mutual benefit of better taxes. Oh, and if the couple chooses to stop using dangerous chemicals and environmentally-unfriendly plastic rubbers to prevent them, then it might be beneficial for the raising of children. Who can, actually, be born of a Dish named Petrie and dessimanated and disposed of for embryonic research purposes and re-named "Dolly".  The Matrix come to life.  

I guess I can understand the attitude, given that perspective.  

For if your view of the world is one of hedonism and impermanence, then why WOULDN'T you look at religious life in the same way you view marriage?  

I think most couples these days sign prenuptual agreements, for they tend to assume from the beginning that their marriage won't last. They live together before marriage, for why buy the cow when the milk can be sampled for free?  Why not sample the milk of a TON of cows?  Why does it need to involve love, or sacrifice?  Who needs children? 

Speaking as a woman who has been treated as a cow...why bother to pay for a ring and take a risk on someone who might not be "sexually compatible"?   Give her chemicals!  Try out her paces!  Who cares if the chemicals might kill her, or the paces aren't to HIS liking?  It's all in discernment, isn't it?  

And if you don't like the cow, kill the calf so that there will be none like her...or you.  

So much for permanence. 

Why can't religious life be the same? 

Why?

Because, like marriage  is supposed to be, it is ordered towards permanence.  A religious vocation isn't about building bridges over the River Kwai. 

It isn't about heading down to Guatemala for a few years to give Avian Flu shots to orphans. 

It isn't about going to Africa to fight AIDS.  Or to China to fight illiteracy.  

Those are all very important things, but they can be done with a limited committment. They are acts of mercy that belong to this world, and remain in this world, all of which honor the dignity of the human person both body and soul, for all are children of God. 

But it's not a Vocation to give 5 years of one's life to a charitable act, or even to prayer.  To trivialize a vocation as such is to ignore the import of the sacrifice of one's life. Such an idea is a trivialization of Christ. 

Are we not to be like Christ in all that we do?  And did He NOT experience a complete immolation on the altar of the Cross?  Are we not to do the same?  

The process of discernment alone should rule out those who are looking for temporary gratification.  If that's what you desire...then find a program that gratifies that desire.  It's a worthy cause, and a needed sacrifice especially in a world such as ours that doesn't tend to care for one's neighbor. 

But don't call it a Vocation, and don't try to make a Vocation match a temporary volunteer experience. 

It's not the same thing.  

For those not familiar with the process of Vocational discernment to a religious community:

Step 1:  Aspirancy  - 3 months living with the given community (this may not be a step of all commuinities)

Step 2:  Postulancy:   6 months to a year.  Some wear a veil during this time, some don't.  

Step 3:   Novitiate:   6 months to a year, or more.  This is where they take the habit, white veil but don't take vows.  

Step 4.  Canonical Novitiate - from observation, some cont. to wear a white veil, some change to black.  2nd year novitiate

Step 5.  Temporary vows - 1-3 years

Step 6:  after very careful discernment, permanent vows. 

Please note... the timing changes according to community, but it's NEVER permanent from the beginning. Thus someone can enter with reservations and leave, or enter with reservations...and realize it's home.  The systems is designed for EVERYONE who MIGHT be experiencing a call to that community. 

Ridiculous

I find it completely astonishing that someone who is familiar with this process would suggest that it be changed, and allow for people to enter under a contract; for five years, for example.  

As it is, that's already happening.  That's what the aspirancy, postulancy, and novitiate are for. Never mind temporary vows.  

Further, the way it happens isn't ordered to the WORLD as would be a contract, but to GOD, which is a permanent committment.   

Maybe I'm Old Fashioned. Maybe I'm one of the few who believes in purity and permanency. It wouldn't be the last time I've been ridiculed for such a romantic idea. 

When I dated my last boyfriend, I held out that I was  hoping for marriage.  A longtime friend of his, another woman, also single, said, "It's nice that you can believe in those things, but it's unrealistic."

She laughed at me.  To be looking for a husband...permanently.  (As an aside...she's the same person who told me my "intended" didn't want to break up with me because he thought I'd have a hard time finding someone else.  No wonder she didn't belive in permanence. And why I gave up on it and him. And haven't dated since.)  

And even now, the world laughs, when we as Catholics look for permanency in Vocation, whether through Marriage, the Priesthood or Religious Life. No matter what we've suffered.  

There are those who think the Sacrament of Marriage should be a temporary contract. 

To follow that logic, maybe there would be more married couples if we let them marry only for a contract of five years. At least that way, we'd have fewer divorces.  

Maybe we'd have more priests if we could just ask for a committment of five years; and then, if they sucked at it, at least his people would only have to suffer temporarily. 

Maybe if we have Religious enter for only 5 years, we can get rid of discernment and more people would do it.  

Maybe if the Church was more like political organizations of the world an operated according to democracy and changed according to the philosophy of John Locke, we'd be in a better place. 

Right.  

OR!  

...Maybe if we actually followed the eternal teachings of the Church we'd reap more souls and have more workers for the harvest.   Maybe if parishes stayed faithful to the GIRM and read the SCRIPTURES instead of 60's era poetry there would be more who would find a faith wiling to die for. 

Maybe if ecclesiastical communities that claim to be Catholic would avoid the heretical works of idiotic authors who write easily refuted works such as "Misqoting Jesus" would choose the wisdom of the Church Fathers instead...there would be more Vocations. 

I'm not willing to die for a faith that requires only 5 years from me.  I might give that to a government, but to God...I'd rather give my life.  After all, He gave me His.  

It's not that I don't understand. I'm from a divorced, alcoholic family, and the other parent is bipolar.  Believe me...I know about committment avoidance.  I can understand anyone who wants to reserve something, because psychologically, they (we) need a safety net.  We're damaged in that way. 

But that's not what God wants. He knows our past. He knows everything. And He asks for it all. That's what Vocation  is all about.  All of us...damaged, and hopeful and reserved...all of it.   

If someone asked me for 5 years of my life, I'd refuse. I don't have 5 years to give. At this point, it's my life...or nothing.  If my life isn't called for, then YOU'RE not worth my time.  I'll look elsewhere. 

I may not have a Vocation. But I'm at the point where I'm ready to committ, right now. I'm tired of looking. Not 2 years, not 5 years.  NOW!  Permanent!  

Because if Our Lord is not worth my life...nothing is.  And if He doesn't want it...who does?  

*

Give me a Vocation or Give Me Death.  I can't survive this limbo anymore.