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Monday, November 05, 2007

Let God Love You

Between my job and school, God has it in for me. Really. Because, every so often, they intersect and I turn into a pancake of a soul.

Last night I had to teach a Confirmation class, but this one involved the parents. My assignment...the parents. The topic? Discernment. Talk about the blind leading the blind! Of course, it had more to do with marriage (Again with the blind thing...child of divorced parents here...), but with Theology of the Body as our foundation, all was well.

The speaker doesn't matter if the material used comes from the greats.

So I had a very loose outline, and ended the evening with something that I knew was over their heads, most of them. It was a quote from Cristalina Evert, taken right from Theology of the Body for Teens, and went something like this: "When you are caught between confusion and sin, that is when it's time to sit down, be silent, and let God love you."

That's very paraphrased...her own words are much more powerful. And I saw the power when I was preparing for the evening. But although I thought it hit me heart and soul...it hadn't. And I know that because...it hit me today.

Because last night's work was almost 8 hours, I took today off, with plans to work on my Spirituality paper, which happens to be about Unanswered Prayer and Suffering.

I wrote about a page and a half, and then ran a couple errands. What I've learned is that the study of Theology has a built-in wall; I can study it only so long before my eyes glaze over and nothing makes any sense whatsoever. Then it's time for a break or to quit for the day. As it was only 9:30, it was time for a break.

I'd been feeling a call to go to Adoration for awhile, so planned to make it my last stop before home. Indeed, between the store and the church, the thoughts deep in spirituality and prayer, God spoke.

That line...."Let God love you."


Let. God. Love. YOU.


It made my heart stop. Really.

That means everything. At the end of RCIA last year, I said, right here in this blog, to just love God...and He will do the rest. And that's still true. But there's a very important element that presupposes our love of God. He loved us first, He loves us last, and He loves us forever. With a love deeper and more real than any love we will ever find on earth.

When we pray, what do we do? We adore Him, we thank Him, we worship Him, we beg forgiveness, we interceed for others, we petetion for ourselves. Look at that: it's all about us.

I realized that when I go in to prayer, or I go to Mass, even though I am there to worship God, it's all about ME! When, in all that chatter, is it ever about GOD? When have I given Him and opportunity to LOVE ME?

What am I so afraid of?

Why can't I just sit there and be in His presence, and just let God be God? Why do I aways have to bring an agenda...as though He doesn't already know all about it? Why do I NEED to go in and complain about things, beg for help, ask for illumination, pray for holiness...why? He already knows my deepest needs, and he answers the prayers that remain unpetetioned, because He knows what I need even if I can't speak a word.

When have any of us taken the time to just be with God, wherever we are, and let God love us?

So I went to the chapel, resolved to do just this; let God love me. Just be there, present. I wanted to pray about my paper and other things, and so it was a struggle just to keep such petetions at bay. My goal was silence. My experiment was to experience being loved.

And there, in that experience, the Lord brought to bear the paper I'm writing. He asked me, "Where is your happiness?"

In YOU, Lord.

And it's true...none of the things of this earth bring happiness. None of them is an end in and of itself. God is.

And then He asked me, "To what do you give your affection?"

And I considered all the things of my life, where my affections lie, my "favorite" sins, all of that. And I was ashamed. Christ is my bridegroom...and I give my affection o things that are not of Him. I withhold myself from Him in order to engage in other things. I reject true happiness for temporary pleasures. Name your sin...gluttony, pride, lust...we all do this. We all lose ourselves to the world, making up our own definitions of happiness that leave us bereft. And then we return to our Bridegroom, crestfallen, defiled...and He makes us new.

We are adulterers, all of us. Every last one. Our hearts are divided. Not just because we take our love and give it to the things of the world, but because we don't let God love us. And that is the key. We can't make the decision to love God if we don't know what it means to be loved by Him.

Think about it. Where is your happiness? What definition do you give to happiness? And when was the last time you let God love YOU?

3 comments:

Adrienne said...

When I first came to Ars, there was a man who never passed the church without going in. In the morning on his way to work, and in the evening on his way home, he left his spade and pick-axe in the porch, and he spent a long time in adoration before the Blessed Sacrament. Oh! how I loved to see that! I asked him once what he said to Our Lord during the long visits he made Him. Do you know what he told me? “Eh,” Monsieur le CurĂ© “I say nothing to Him, I look at Him and He looks at me!” How beautiful, my children, how beautiful!
~Cure de Ars~

Laurel said...

Beautiful post! Thanks for the reminder!

Cow Bike Rider (alias, Chris Sagsveen) said...

Great points