Saturday, November 10, 2007
I need a retreat now.
The weekend went very well. Friday evening I met with Father to go over the last details that included us both, and also shared with him my epiphany of the other night. On Wednesday evening I had spoken to him of my frustrations while looking for guidance as to what he wanted me to do with the people who were finally jumping on board, and I know my irritation was obvious. And he's seen it, year after year, in the people who previously held my position.
So last night I told him what I'd realized; that the thorns in my side were the reason I was there (any of us, really), and that "God told me" I had no right to be upset. So I was coming into the retreat with a totally different mindset, the irritation...gone.
There was a little, yes, but more with the orgainzational standpoint, not with the people themselves. And in fact, those who had been crabby with my laying down the law and telling them that this is a priority thing, well, they displayed their own good will. This week should take care of all of them, even in a couple of groups.
Also, this past week has held some blessings in that I've truly identified a couple of women of leadership who are really allies for us. Just this morning in conversation with one, when revealing a certain grace I recieved on Holy Thursday, I couldn't stop the tears from spilling over. While I can think of the event with a certain dispassion normally, today, in the context of the retreat so related to God's mercy, well, I was a bit overcome. And of course, completely embarassed as the event overwhelmed me yet again, and she pointed out the extent such a grace could go. I don't know why it came up today, but it needed to, but I'm not sure if it was for her or me or both of us. But in any case, this morning started with a very potent reminder of God's loving compassion in my own life, which was consoling even as it startled me with the same raw emotion that affected me last spring.
It's not something I'll reveal here on this blog; suffice to say that when we need something, God gives it, even if it's out of "order" in our prayer lives. It's certainly not something to be sought after, but when God grants it and we are open, the effects go far deeper than we realize.
Today's event made me realize that what happened last spring was not imagination, but rather, was a grace with a purpose.
Anyway, we got through everything, I made a few wonderful connections with some great parents, the kids were adorable, and Father was relieved that his new staff person didn't bungle things!
And right now, I'm just loving him...he's a great priest, he's so good with the kids, and anyone who's willing to put up with me...well, they deserve a Medal of Honor. Really. And I've a long list of people to thank that assisted with this retreat.
But I'm so tired. Tonight I had planned to work on my stuff for school, but it couldn't happen. I was going to go to Mass tonight so that I could just work on my stuff tomorrow before I have to go to work. Nope. I'm going to Mass tomorrow morning.
Tomorrow I'll work 8 hours as I have to do the Confirmation class by myself, and be ready to meet our guest speakers then get through the rest of the night.
Monday is off. And Monday I'll have to finish my 8 page paper (almost there!), actually begin my Vatican II paper (the reading is done), and find the final answers for the Old Testament study guide, then study the stuff from the first quiz as it will be on this one also. And I still don't know what "Basket of Fruit" in Amos means. Or is it Isaiah? No idea.
* Sigh *
So, I need a retreat. I've given up a weekend of homework in exchange for 1 day off, because nothing was done in the lasst few days. I can't work with broken study time - dunno why, but I need time to settle down and focus, take breaks, go back to it, and even then, my max seems to be 2 1/2 hours before I have to quit for the day.
Studying theology is NOT like studying law as I did as an undergrad; law wasn't formative in any way. This is. Absorption is needed. Time to reflect is needed. It's not rote learning and spewing of stuff, but it involves coming to know God, and in turn, coming to know ourselves, and so on and so forth.
Right now, I'm praying I get through everything by next weekend, and I thank God I get time for Thanksgiving, but I'm going to take yet another day off so I can just relax before we go into the rush of...everything.
Are you bored yet? You should be. This post is likely to be deleted, it's putting ME to sleep, and I wrote it!