This afternoon I had a meeting with my spiritual director, and I'll admit, I wasn't looking forward to the meeting. I wasn't sure how I was going to approach what I had to say, or how he would react, what he would say, etc.
While still at home, I mused that I had looked and prayed so hard for an SD, finally found one...and didn't want to go. I also knew that I would never cancel such an appointment, because sometimes the most difficult things can be the most rewarding.
I spent some time in the adoration chapel beforehand, praying. I realized that a few things were converging today: As the first of May, it is the month of Mary. It is the Feast of St. Joseph the Worker, and as a First Friday, it is a day dedicated to the Sacred Heart of Jesus. Even further, my meeting was at 3 pm, the Hour of Mercy. Having long known our Blessed Mother, having long had St. Joseph as a special patron, having forever had the Sacred Heart of Jesus as a primary devotion in my life...well, let's just say I could not ignore the fact that God is and remains present in my life and orchestrated both the day and the time of this meeting.
So I prayed, not just for me, but for my SD, for us, for our meeting, and for trust in God.
My friends, God is good. God is faithful. God is loyal.
Our meeting went well, and as always, I find Father to be very easy to talk to. He is understanding, sympathetic, and objective. And in the course of our meeting, he managed to point out two major issues I need to deal with: control and trust.
They seem so opposed to each other, yet, each has a balance.
I'm not a "controlling" person per se, as I tend to actually let a lot of things go. But that doesn't mean I trust. In fact, I have a very difficult time trusting God and trusting others. I have a hard time letting God take over, and I know WHY this is, but the knowing doesn't help me give God the reins.