I'm just a girl

Last night I was watching "Rescue Me", once described by a co-worker of mine as a "soap opera for guys". It's basically about a firehouse and the firefighters assigned to it and their lives, most of which are not very...uh...moral. Much strong language, sexual content, etc.

I confess I still enjoy the show although the language makes me cringe. I'm not quite a saint, I guess. The good news is that the stuff on that show did not make me cringe in the past.

Anyway, there was a woman on the show and last night's episode bared her inner conflict: She said (paraphrasing) "When I was a little girl I told my dad I wanted to be a firefighter, and he told me, 'You can't do that! You're a girl!' And I told all my friends and family, and they all said, 'You can't do that, you're a girl!' And I told my boyfriends, and they told me, 'You can't do that, you're a girl!' And then I went to training, and they guys all said, 'Get out of here B***, you don't belong here, you're a girl!'" Here she wiped away tears. She talked about the job since her debut at the station and her mistakes, and went on, discussing her self-discovery, "....and so I've come all this way and went through all that just to find out that...I'm a girl."

Boy, can I relate. I feel the same way and I think this character and I share some similarities in our stories. Whereas I did not do what she did such as getting involve with a member of her crew, and I did not face the outright hatred of my gender as she did, I did experience some of the sentiments expressed against her. I actually had a male friend tell me, when I first expressed the inklings of desire to become a firefighter, "Why would you do that? You don't have a reason to."

Happily, I had other support from friends, family, and my boyfriend who was my biggest cheerleader. And when I was hired and went through training, some of the guys became my best friends and went out of their way to help in areas where I struggled.

But in law enforcement it was different...women were ostracized, to an extent. And I put up a front, I was "gung-ho", and I worked hard to prove that I could do the job...and I excelled. My instructors respected me and my opinions. Wheras I was a feminist to a degree, I was never a rabid feminist, and their unbalanced responses to the oddest things educated me.

And so I traveled through my various "manly" careers and even now I work in a field often dominated by men. And through all my travels, all my trials, all my time trying to prove I wasn't just a girl, I have come to realize that...I am just a girl.

And I wake up and praise God every day that I am just a girl, and I pray that as I continue to mature through old-maidhood and find my Vocation, that one day, I will not be "just a girl", but rather, the woman God always intended me to be.

How 'bout you? What's your story?