Those who fight monsters

"Those who fight monsters should take care that they never become one. For when you stand and look long into the abyss, the abyss also looks into you." ~ Frederich Nietsche

I confess I do not know the true context of the above quote. I think I tried to read it once, but since I do not like Nietzche, nor do I agree with his philosophy, I became quickly bored and set the book aside. I never claimed to be disciplined.

And yet, I still ask that you take a look at the quote because, even coming from this particular source, there is truth.

I have fought monsters for many years, and I still fight monsters. All good Christians fight monsters on a daily basis.

There are so many dimensions to this, but I shall examine only a couple, due to my tendancy to be long-winded and likely lose any of my readers due to sheer boredom. Maybe Nietzche and I are alike in that way...we share the ability to put readers to sleep, especially those who do not share our sentiments. You, however, good reader, have all the power to simply click and move on, for there will be no test of this material. But beware, good Christians, for you DO face the ultimate test on judgment day...and how will you answer to this material? Will you be pulled into the proverbial abyss or will you stand with the Lord as you purport to do so today?

I think about this quote sometimes, and it makes me realize the filth and grime we as humans deal with every day. I used to be a police officer; once upon a time I begged for the job. I thought I wanted to explore the abyss. I thought I wanted to see the worst of human nature and stand against it as a beacon of protection. And instead, I became transfixed by what I saw. I became focused not on Christ, but on the trials and suffering of the abyss, and it changed me. I have lost my innocence. I cannot un-see what I have seen, no more so than I can un-do what I have done. I have looked into the abyss, I have explored the abyss, and I have been changed by the abyss.

For awhile, the change was real and it was internal. I explored New Age practices, I went to psychic readers and I sought to know and understand my future. I gave power to ritualistic practices and I saw Santaria as being closely related to Catholicism, and therefore acceptable. I let the abyss change my thinking and on my own, suspended the critical thinking which God gave me as a weapon against the darkness.

I have seen the abyss, and I became a type of monster, and even today I am trying to shed the vestiges of the darkness which held me captive for so long. It still holds me captive, but I know I have been ransomed. I will only be free on judgment day as long as I continue to gaze upon the face of crucified Christ and offer my sufferings to him. He has told us that "those who persevere to the end shall be saved", and I pray I can persevere, remain faithful, and one day kneel for eternity in God's presence.

And so I fight the monsters from the abyss as I work my way to the rim. I am still in the abyss, and I am still looking into it...and strugging to avert my eyes. I fight monsters...but have I become one in this struggle? I already know that the abyss has looked into me, and it knows my weakness.

This is a spiritual battle, the one we all face, to different degrees. And even today, although my career has changed, I am still fighing the monsters and seeking to remove the eyes of the abyss from my soul.

What is my other point? Oh, yes.

Spiritual warfare, the kind we all face every day. It is not just our daily struggles to fight against crime if that is our place in life; it is also, and more importantly, the awareness of the Evil One, the fallen angels around us.

Yes, they do indeed exist, and we must be careful to recognize them even as we seek to avoid giving them power through our fear, through inappropriate attention, etc. We have to recognize what they are and understand when they are attacking, but we must also understand that they have no power over those of us who have been claimed by the Lamb and who seek to follow in his foosteps.

So continue to fight the mosters, for it is the good fight.

Recently I went into the sacrament of Confession and, holding back tears, described the recent spiritual torture I have been undergoing for weeks. He is a wise priest and he asked me what could have opened me or allowed this attack? I offered a few explanations...both situations in my life of which I have no control, and a recent decision to seek God's will in the form of possible religious life. This wise priest offered that God may be allowing this trial to befall me in order to make me stronger for the battles ahead, for they will not become easier. The battles are attacks upon my human weakness...and I felt my strength flagging.

I was mortified to explain my sins, as always, however, the grace of God is greater. Every time I go to Confession, I expect the priest to berate me for my weakness, to chastize me for my misbehavior; however, rather, I see Christ. I hear Christ, and rather than condeming me as I think I deserve, Father gently tells me that I am spiritualy growing, that God is working in my life and that I must pick myself off and go on and resolve to do better to overcome the weakness. He explaines that this trial, this demonic attack is allowed for my own good and that I am doing the right thing to humble myself before God and admit my weakness. None of us are able to carry on without the strength of Jesus Christ to support us. He absolved me in the Name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, and I crosssed myself and thanked him. As I stood to leave, Father said to me, "Keep up the good fight!"

I know he has suffered these same attacks, has struggled with the same issues, for he is human as well. Yet he speaks for Christ in the sacrament. So rather than going away with my proverbial tail between my legs, I leave joyfully, knowing I do not fight this battle alone; I fight these monsters only with the strength of Christ, for on my own I am useless andI am worthless. It was God who gave me life and God who sustains it. And ultimately, it is to God's arms I will return when this life is done, should it be His will and grace to lead me home.

But the juxtaposition is this: I (we), cannot become so focused on the evil forces against which we do battle so as to forget that we sin on our own and we suffer our own consequences of errors and the errors or sins of others. By giving credit for every misfortune to dark forces, we are giving power where there is none; so we must be discerning. We must educate ourselves and be very given to prayer.

We are in a time of harsh battle, my friends, but our enemy has no power. We have the cross, the mercy of Christ, and the reality of God who bears us up. We stand well within the light of Christ when we follow in his footsteps, and he leads us gently through the snares.

Psalm 91 states,

"You who dwell in the shelter of the Most High;
who abide in the shadow of the Almighty
Say to the Lord my refuge and my fortress,
my Rock, in whom I trust
For he will deliver you from the snares of the fowler
and from the deadly pestilence;
he will cover you with his pinions and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness is a buckler and a shield
You will not fear the terror of the night
nor the arrow that flies by day,
nor the pestilence that stalks in darkness
nor the destruction that wastes at noonday....

{sic}

Becaue you have made the Lord yoru refuge
the Most High your habitation
no evil shall befall you,
no scourge come near your tent.

For he will give his angels charge of you
to guard you in all your ways
On their hands they will bear you up,
lest you dash your foot against a stone..."

Praise the Lord!

We are all charged with fighting monsters, and the Lord knows that the abyss will look into us and seek our damnation. And so in his mercy he gives us angels to bear us up in battle and lead us through the darkness to Christ who is our light, our life, and our salvation.

So as Father said to me, I say to you...Keep up the good fight!

God bless you all,

Through the Immaculate Heart of Mary to the Sacred Heart of Jesus,