Sex and the Single Life

I'm going to be totally honest with you. That title, while relevant to the topic at hand, was really just to get your attention.

If you want to know what I think about sex, you can check it out here.

In a few days, I am going to be one year older. I'm not going to give you my age, but suffice to say I am over 30 and we'll leave it at that. I have to admit I'm a little depressed about the whole getting older thing.

A long time ago I thought I would be married like my Mom and have kids, like my Mom. I played with dolls and I talked about how "when I have kids I'll never make them eat vegetables."

Well, not only am I not married, but I'm not a mother (planning to do things in order), and my ideas about parenthood have drastically changed. For example...I WOULD make my kids eat their vegetables or no dessert.

I used to look forward to my next birthday. It meant I was getting bigger, I was getting closer to sitting at the adult tables at large family gatherings, and that I would be taken seriously like my older cousins. Getting older was equated with finding my husband, getting married, and being able to join the discussions with the aunts and uncles and talking about how "he is being promoted with his company, and this will allow us to build the new addition to our house..." etc.

Those days have never arrived, and the older I get, the more I realize that it may never happen. There is a stereotype out there that guys should avoid women in thei 30's who have never been married. There is a stereotype out there that dictates that those of us who don't "put out" or "give it up" are not worthy of a second glance. How could they know to buy the cow without trying out all of her paces.

I, for one, am tired of being compared to a heifer. I am not for sale, I don't have any "wares" and no, you cannot touch without a binding and non-refundable "purchase."

Modern feminism has done nothing but disrupt the moral fabric of society and the scary thing is that too many women my own age have bought into their lies hook, line, and sinker, and this has completely disrupted the natural order of things.

Instead of being respected and pursued for the purpose of marriage, women are objectified and pursued for sex in as many ways and places as possible. Men are not allowed to be men...they are told to be "tolerant" and they are punished if they do not behave in a feminine manner. How ridiculous is this? Not that I encourage men to be cave men, but the reality is that good men need to stand up and be men. We need men to be leaders, we need men to be heads of households rather than weasly, obsequious sidekicks to power hungry feminazis.

But I digress, as usual. You see, I am a woman and that is one of the quirky things about women that will never change...we go off on tangents, we change our minds, and yes, we are emotionally driven more than practically driven.

Ok, that was tangent number two. Now, moving back to the original point...I used to look forward to getting older. Somewhere around 25 or 26, I decided that I was not going to have any more birthdays...I was at a great age. I was healthy, I was fit, I was active in many things and I was able to still stay awake for my night shift, my half-day volunteer work, and if I was off that day, for the rest of the day until a fun night out with the girls. And after a good night's sleep until roughly 10 am, I would be up as though nothing had happened. I knew that would change so I decided not to age.

But age I have...I have the beginnings of crow's feet. I have silvery-gray hair starting in the front, destined to become an Elvira-streak. (Thank God that it seems to be the pretty silver of my grandmother's hair). I am beginning to resemble the rest of my family in shape and texture and line and format...and that is disturbing, and even depressing.

I always thought that by the time I was 30, I would be married, be established in a great career, and own a home complete with a barn, a pasture, and horses.

Well, when I hit 30, I did purchase a townhome, I have 2 dogs, but no husband, no barn, no horses, and no pasture. I can go out and sit in the grass in my "yard", but it's usually too cluttered with the neighbor's daughter's toys for me to pretend for even a moment that I'm in a pasture. That, and the fact that I would not sit down in a pasture. Have you ever experience one? Not real conducive to sitting in contemplation, in reality.

Now, my friends reading this will see this post as it really is...just a bunch of self-indulgent whining, and I plead guilty. But at the same time, those who have been here know what it's like (maybe) and will understand the need to vent a little bit about what I don't have.

I don't mean to say that I'm not blessed...I am very blessed...after all, I own my own home. I have 2 awesome dogs, and I have great friends. I have a good job, and I have excellent credit! In taking a step back, I know I have more than my Mom ever hoped for on my behalf, and I have no right to complain.

But still...today as I knelt in Adoration in the chapel, I could not help but listen to the carefully choreographed wedding taking place in the main sanctuary, and I wondered...will I forever be the solitary woman kneeling in prayer, waiting for her soulmate on the fringe of the endless weddings taking place next door? Am I bound to an eternity of waiting for a spouse who may never materialize, always on the outskirts of those fortunate enough to have found The One?

Or am I completely missing the point?