To be valued as a woman

I was watching “Pretty Woman” for the umpteenth time tonight, and it struck me…the pull of this movie is not the belief that this fairy-tale could come true…but it is in the timeless beauty expressed in what it means to be feminine and in the ultimate respect between a man and a woman.

I have come to realize that I DO NOT KNOW HOW TO BE A WOMAN. All the time spent by my Mother in teaching me how to be a woman, a simple woman…all for naught. The world around us, dominated by “feminists”, has actually destroyed the meaning of femininity. They have taught us that we do not need doors to be opened for us, we do not need to dress in such a way so as to accent our natural beauty, unless doing so accents only our “curves”, the better to ensnare an unsuspecting man. Feminists have taught us to be predatory in “love”, and to use only our outward sexuality in order to obtain power over others...both men and women.

A few years ago, I was in a relationship with a man for over 3 ½ years, and I really thought I loved him and wanted to marry him. Then I got a new job and the company sent me to another state for corporate training. There, I met some southern gentlemen from Georgia, and they changed my life.

No, there was no romantic interest…one was happily married and pining after his family, and the other was engaged and looking forward to his upcoming marriage. But just the same, even amidst all of our verbal jousting, companionable ribbing and friendly insults, they treated me like a lady. They opened doors for me, they pulled out my chair for me at appropriate times….and when they spoke of their loved ones, I could see the love in their eyes.

They helped me to realize that what they displayed for their significant others was not displayed towards me even when I was in the presence of the man I thought I would marry. It was after 2 weeks in the presence of these men that I found the backbone to end the relationship with the man who had no respect for me.

And now, just the other day, I went to dinner with a man from New Orleans, another southern gentleman. He opened the car door for me, he opened the restaurant door for me and in all things, he treated me like a lady. We had wonderful conversation and there was great respect there. I have to ask…do men respect women only if they are raised in the South?

This man, also, is only a friend…and yet, he still saw it necessary to recognize my femininity.

I apparently owe a huge debt to all you southern gentlemen for having learned your manners so well. I owe a debt, no doubt, to your mothers…because I was never treated so well by a man brought up in the North, whether as a date or as a friend.

So that brings me back to “Pretty Woman”. I watched in fascination as Vivian struggles to first purchased the appropriate clothing…how many times have I entered a store in my jeans and flannel, only to feel the same way? Then she went to the hotel manager, expressing her dismay in that she didn’t know how to act at a fancy restaurant. And the respect shown to her, a woman of the “lowest” caliber, still recognized her femininity. There she sat, at the table, attended to by men who served her as she tried to learn how to be a lady. Boy, can I relate!

She next went to the fancy restaurant, and when she arrived, she almost immediately stood to go to the ladies’ room. All of the men present stood as well, in respect for her. This scene, in particular, reached me….those men knew nothing of Vivian, and yet they stood in her presence out of respect for her very person…because she was a woman.

Personally, I wouldn’t know what to do if all the men in my presence stood up when I did.

I saw Vivian, the street prostitute, treated like a queen…and isn’t this why this movie is a cult classic now? Because we women are tired of being ignored. At heart, we still want to be treated like queens...and in turn, treat our men like kings. Manners are a two way street, and is it any surprise that our society shows no respect to either gender anymore? There is no respect anywhere…not from children for adults, for the elderly, of men for women and women for men. It really says a lot.

How has it come to the point that we woman do not know how we should be treated? The rabid feminists tell us it’s insulting to have a door opened for us…but I argue that it’s insulting to be disregarded when I would hold the door open for anyone, man or woman, rather than allow it to be shut in their faces. The rabid feminists tell us that we women are really men without the exterior equipment and with extras which are not needed…and therefore deny our very reason for existence.

Yet, somehow, in spite of all of this, Hollywood, for once, has managed to bring about a move which does enhance rather than degrade femininity. I realize that some would look at this movie and see only decadence and degradation...but I would argue that there are lessons to be learned.

Being a woman is not about being involved with a wealthy man. It is not about the silverware or the expensive cocktail dresses or formals...it is about respect for one another.

Why has our culture so lost the ability to understand and carry out actions which acknowledge respect for another person? Why has it taken me to my 30’s to understand that I have no idea how I ‘m supposed to be treated? Why am I not the only one, for I know plenty of women who feel the same way? I would like to hear from you! Men and women, both! What has happened? Why do we not know how to treat each other with respect?

And to all you Southern Gentlemen who have taught me though your friendship what it means to be valued as a woman...thank you, from the bottom of my heart.

God bless you all,