Saturday, March 21, 2009
This Lent, I think, has been and continues to be an exercise in learning to trust God. I feel like every part of my life is "in crisis" in some way, and I'm just waiting for the next thing. In fact...I'm almost resigned to the next thing, whatever it is.
And then, a surprise event; a retreat was short on staff, and as one of my parishes is hosting, well, I was basically told I was needed, not just as "furniture", but to fulfill an important role. One which didn't make sense, because it really would require I not be a "fill in" but present for the retreatants.
In looking at the schedule, in talking it over with the team and visiting priest who is running the retreat, well, I have the freedom to stick with the original plan and end my role this afternoon.
Except...I can't. It isn't right. I can't establish a connection with these kids and just disappear. So while I will have to leave at night and I will have to leave this afternoon, I will be returning to the retreat both this afternoon, and, I think, tomorrow.
Here's the ironic thing; I have NO IDEA what I'm doing, I'm completely unequipped for this role and all I can do is look at the Cross and say, "Well...here we go!"
At least God is doing all the hard work...and maybe teaching me to trust that that really is the case.
For the sake of these retreatants...I certainly hope so.
I'm quite concerned about all the study time I desperately need, and am losing given that I'm spending extra time working. But if there's another thing that I've learned in the past, it is that God doesn't abandon us, and somehow, He'll help me get through everything I need to do, one way or another.
In the end, nothing depends on me. Thank God!