Visitors - Come on in and say hello!

Monday, March 06, 2006

The Thankless Leper

What an ingrate I've been. What a faithless leper. I have been remiss, my friends, and it's time to make it right.

I used to be a leper by choice; a leper having chosen my own private form of leprosy. No one exiled me from the Church; I exiled myself, as most of us did. I became a dissident, and I got lost and rejected what I knew was right.

But funny thing...God doesn't let us get away that easily. When I look back on my life, especially when I wandered around on my own leper island, feeling sorry for myself, blinding tripping over my own betraying feet, I kept asking God for help. And as I flailed around in the dark, God gave me his hand, and I batted it away and told him to, "darn it, throw me a bone over here!". And when God shone a light on the problem, I told him that wasn't what I was looking for and to turn that gall-durned light off so I could stumble around in comfort.

And yet God was patient, and he was kind, and no matter how much I railed at him, ran into things, tripped on my feet and cussed him out, he picked me up, brushed me off, and refused to leave me alone.

And after awhile, I realized what an idiot I was, but I didn't know how to be any different, so my prayers took a different course. It took several years, but I was starting to recognize His voice and His hands again, and the light he tried to show me time and time again became more appealing. But I liked the comfort of the darkness, even as I looked for the adventures to be had in the light. And I begged God not to leave me alone with my chosen form of leprosy.

I begged God not to give up on me.

Tonight I am watching the annual Lenten movie, "The Passion of the Christ", and when I left the theatre that Palm Sunday, I nearly called up the parish and begged for Confession. I hadn't been there in 2 or 3 years, and only my terror of the light kept me away. Foolish, foolish girl.

Now that movie still has the power to make me cry, to make me cringe in shame, and to remember what Jesus has done for me. On the day I saw that movie nearly 2 years ago, I left the theatre, and not only did I repeat, "Jesus, I am so sorry!", but I begged even harder, "Jesus, don't give up on me come back."

Sad to say, I didn't make it back in time for Easter that year, and it was a couple months before I got to Confession, finally.

But finally I went, and finally I was back, and this time, I'm not leaving. God slowly, patiently, and with much kindness led me back to the Church, and finally, I can see again. He has healed me, he has given me my sight, and I have not publicly thanked him.

So now, reminded of my omission, I return and publicly thank Jesus for never forgetting about this stupid, sad, bullheaded lost leper. I was reminded today about the one who came back and remembered to thank Jesus, and today, I want to remind the rest of you to thank Him also for the gifts he has given you.

I thank you, Jesus, I love you Jesus, and I praise you, Jesus, Now and Forever. AMEN!

No comments: