Catholicism and the Single Life

It's hard to be a Catholic single.

Not because we Catholic singles are pining away, swooning in a Disney-like desire to be swept off our feet by some holographic or digital airbrushed-perfective image of Prince Charming, to go galloping off romantically into the sunset, but rather....because we're NOT! 

I don't know why, but lately, everyone around me has begun inquiring into my marital status. 

Most of them, oddly enough, aren't asking about my marriage status first: instead, they are asking me how many children I have! [!!!!!!!!!!!!]

For some odd reason, many people think I have children. Some know I am not married, but still, their first question put to me is about my alleged children. In our culture, children come first, apparently...even within the Catholic Church.

That's called "SCANDAL" y'all, within the proper definition of the term! Most Catholics are so scandalized that they have reversed the "standard" questions put to single women:  no longer does marriage come first, but it is ASSUMED that single women in their 30's or above are also single mothers.

I am not making this up.

This is a serious anthropological observation of our culture, and I'm not the only one to make this observation. Unfortunately, for the moment all I have to provide is colloquial evidence from other single friends as well as my own experience, so really, you'll just have to take my word for it.  However, if you look around at our culture, the line of questioning makes sense: even in my parish work I no longer assume a mother is or was married when she had her child.  All too many "families" consist of a single woman with an absent father who is either single, divorced, or now married to someone else. (And before you judge their conditions, know that many of them never foresaw this outcome, and I thank God every day that they are involved with the Church!).

I don't really want this post to be about divorce and the new mis-definition of "family", though; my interest here is on the struggles of single Catholics, and single women everywhere.

Today I read an article at MSN about the "19 Things You Should Never Say to a Single Person".

I enjoyed the article but as a caveat, I must say I don't agree with all the sentiments expressed. Most of them were commenting from a perspective of "I don't want to be Single". I come from a polar opposite angle:  I don't want to be Married and know that I am NOT SUPPOSED to be married.Therefore I approach the article from a perspective that is deeply and inherently contrary to the most radically average and typical  elements in our society: I am a freely single woman who supports the marriage of a man and woman in all its fullness, and yet believe I am not called to that particular Vocation. My belief is not detrimental or contrary to marriage, for at the very core of my own vocation, I am called from my soul to support it, and to live it out in a very different way, in a different type of formal consecration.

Therefore, without further ado, here is my take on the article:

19 Things You Should Never Say to an Unmarried Person

I took this article from MSN, who reposted it from a Glamour magazine dating blogger. In bold you will find the "things not to be said", followed by my own commentary as a single Catholic woman.  Go to the article itself to see their commentary and responses to the following common comments made to Singles.

 *snark warning* 

1. It happens when you're not looking. It doesn't happen when you're looking and not looking, too. Because it's not supposed to for some of us.

2. There are plenty of fish in the sea. I like dolphins just fine and would like to swim with them, and with sharks, but I'm not sure how our marriage would work out.  Besides, fish smell worse than a locker room in the hockey area in the middle of tournament season....guess I'm not much of a sea-goer.

3. So, why are you single? Because I realized I'm not a piece of meat to be "had" by any butcher who comes along.

4. You're too picky. Yes, I am. I demand respect, I demand the ability to maintain both my chosen celibacy and chastity, and if I do go on a date, I prefer to do so with a man who is thinking with the brain in his cranium and not the one in his Levis.

5. You'll find the right person for you. Yes, I already did. His name is Jesus and He is enough for me.

6. He's out there. No, he's right HERE and I don't need some jock slobbering all over me in order to understand that I exist.

7. It was just bad timing. No, he was a jerk. That''s the kindest think I can say about him.

8. Just have fun with it! Have fun with WHAT exactly?  What are you implying? I'm NOT that kind of girl! Oh, right, that's why he broke up with me; he "wanted some" and couldn't understand why I valued marriage and thought that to be an important step in the process of active procreation.

9. Have you tried online dating? Have YOU?  FYI: if the guy is a jerk in real life, he's even worse online. "Nuff said.

10. He just wasn't the right guy for you. No, he wasn't. Thanks for pointing out the obvious. Please twist the knife he left in my back a little more, and when you're done, please store it in your foot.

11. Well, when my boyfriend and I first got together… I'm happy for you....what's your point? The fact that YOU are married doesn't indicate anything about my future or vocation.

12. When the time is right, you will meet someone.  I totally agree, and some of us met Him when we were Baptized, but it's taking us a very long time to accept His proposal...if He's actually making one. (That's the hard part.)

13. Wow, I wish I were single and in your shoes!  Maybe you should take your shoe obsession to therapy and spend more time with your husband and less time shopping for shoes that will cause you back problems in old age.  Believe me; if they don't fit me, they won't fit you.

14. Your turn next [at weddings]. Stop patronizing me. The fact that I attend a wedding should not be taken as commentary on my alleged desire to be wearing frosting in a liturgical celebration.

15. It will happen when you least expect it. Um...I'm so totally over this it's not even funny. I'm not expecting or looking for it. I've already made a vocational decision, and marriage is not on the list.

16. Some guy is going to come along and ruin your career/life plans. Yeah. I used to hear this one when I was a teen, and actually, it led me astray. Yeah, guys came and they went, and yes, they did ruin my life plans. But I can't blame them: I blame myself for being an idiot and leaving logic at the door. This is perhaps the single most murderous philosophy of the modern age.

17. But you're so pretty! Why don't you have a boyfriend? Seriously? Do I need to dignify that with an answer? REALLY?

18. It just wasn't meant to be.  No, it wasn't. I totally agree.

19. Sure, my guy rescues kids from abusive homes, donated my sister a kidney, and picks up fresh flowers for me daily on his way home from work, but will he QUIT IT with the sports on TV already?  Um...this is just stupid. Stop pretending to be feeling guilty around your single friends. We are not offended by the fact that you are called to the beautiful Vocation of Marriage. Petty complaints only make you look pathetic...they do nothing other than make we singles roll our eyes at your own rejection of the happiness you should be embracing!

All of the above is tongue-in-cheek, both on part of the article and in my own purposefully-snarky responses. 

I admit I'm writing out of a bit of frustration.

I'm sick of people randomly telling me that "the right guy will come along", and they all seem to have a tone of pity in their voices. To them I say that, no, the "right guy" ISN'T going to "come along", and I don't need any pity because, well...I'm not looking for him or expecting him. I haven't for years.
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So many people, to include actual practicing Catholics, assume that I'm suffering as a result of my unmarried status. Many of them don't even realize that there are other options out there.

The constant challenges to my marital status have become so prolific that instead of remaining silent and rolling my eyes while smiling at people's "suggestions" that I be set up with this or that guy, I have begun to hit the questions head-on. I have decided that it's much better to be honest and just state that I'm not interested, not looking, and in fact, God has not called me to Marriage.

Often I wish I had a camera set up to capture the reactions. Yes, it does appeal to my sense of mischief, but I am not the only single woman to do and experience this admittedly unholy conundrum.

So, in answer to all the above questions and those implied by them: 

 Yes, I am Single. No, I am not languishing. No, I am not going to get married. Ever. Yes, I'm fine with that. Yes, I love men and am attracted to men, I have simply chosen to be celibate. Yes, I am offended by the implication that my celibacy implies mental and physiological disorder and wonder how you would feel if I inquired about your alleged vaginisimus or erectile dysfunction?

Oh, I'm sorry. Have I crossed a line by inquiring into your married sex life?  How is that different from questioning my striving to be chaste?

I have to say that I am tired of experiencing the pity of people who think that I suffer because I don't wear a ring on my finger. Quite honestly, I'm sick of being the object of pity and sadly clucking tongues belonging to people who would do better to learn about what's really going on the Church as a whole as opposed to spreading and commenting on the latest inaccurate gossip in their limited social circle

My friends, we need to do more to promote Vocations within the Church. Many of the faithful, far TOO MANY aren't aware that Vocations are exploding, that there ARE options beyond marriage, and good Catholic women are being called!

I may not yet know my place on this pilgrimage, but I am happy with the knowledge that at least I have begun to own it. I know what I am NOT called to be, and this frees me to embrace the other open options. I don't have to look over my shoulder wondering about "what could have been." I've been down that road; I know it has nothing for me.

My sights, and my sails, are pointed to Christ. Perhaps I knew a few years ago where I was headed as I held up every eligible man I met to the image of Christ...and saw that none of them would ever hold a candle to Him. None of them would ever die for me. None of them would remember me once I was out of their sight and actually...I wouldn't remember them, either.

But I couldn't forget Jesus. I couldn't forget Our Lord.

I couldn't let go of Him.

Yes, I am single. I have not yet found the form of Consecration to which I have been Called, but I know that it's there...and that is enough for me.

The pilgrimage goes on...


*This Snark has been brought to you by Adoro te Devote. Any resemblance to real persons or events is purely coincidental or entirely purposeful. May be too intense for some readers. Not responsible for direct, indirect, consequential or or incidental damages resulting from misunderstanding of original intention. Objects in mirror may be closer than they appear. May contain nuts.* 

To What Do We Agree?

In the last couple years, I have received a great deal of help in both large and small things, from both people I know and people I've never met.

And in that time, I've reflected on the generosity and love of such people, which has made me also reflect on my own lack of generosity, or my own lack of helpfulness to others. I've mentioned before that I'm often lacking in the "hands-on" form of charity, at least, in my estimation. I also realize we are all called to different things at different times. As members of the Mystical Body of Christ, we all must fulfill our roles, none of which excludes the others, but rather, incorporates them while maybe one particular portion is what we have been designed to complete.

Lately this has been my struggle. I have one co-worker who is very service-oriented, and I used to be as well. But my life has pulled me into more of a contemplative stream, one involving more prayer and study than actual hands-on service. It makes me feel guilty. I have to keep reminding myself that the time may come where literally feeding the poor in homeless shelters might be my role, and of course, I would love it. Or maybe it'll be caring for the sick and injured.

Or maybe I'm already fulfilling that role, in caring for the spiritually poor, which is the REAL deficit of our nation. Of all nations. Ever since I added the widget to my sidebar and have seen all the people from all the different nations who have passed through my blog at one point or another, I've realized that I'm fulfilling the command of Christ as He ascended into Heaven: to preach the Gospel to all Nations.

As Catholics, that is our command, and we all do this in different ways, according to the gifts we have been given. Everything we do should be ordered towards spreading the Gospel. Perhaps we're not well versed in the Faith, but know Christ enough to act in love and maintain a strong moral stance as an example to others. Maybe we don't have the words to preach, but we have the hands, and we have our very lives to lay down as an example to others who may ridicule what we say, but can't ridicule the joy of our lives and our hopes. And in that, there is a door opened through which they may enter.

Several years ago, a friend of mine and I were discussing the lack of morality around us. Neither of us were exactly living moral lives ourselves, and we regretted our actions. My friend, after a long pause in our conversation, said to me, "Once you've said "yes" to one guy, it's harder to say "no" to someone else."

It had to do with a loss of moral ground. A loss of dignity. From the other side, a judgment of a lack of fairness: "You're not a virgin. You slept with that other guy, what's wrong with me that you won't do the same thing with me? It's not like it means anything!"

And yet, it does, and we all know it. My friend knew it, and she carried her warning with her. Once we've compromised by saying "yes" to the wrong thing, it's harder to fight in the right battle. One becomes disoriented, unable to truly discern any longer, especially when the culture around us all defines certain behaviors as proper, even as our souls scream at us to stop for a moment and reconsider. To use our intellect and wills, to look upwards towards what is good, to flee from what is only debasement and injury.

Jesus Himself tells us to make our "yes" mean "yes", and our "no" mean "no". There is no middle ground; not in oaths, not in our moral choices. In everything we do, even in the small things, there's an absolute. A small compromise here leads to a larger compromise there. A strong stance here becomes a stronger, more fortified stance there.

We see this in many ways. Recently I observed to a friend that sometimes it's hard to step out and help another person, especially a stranger. But we can be safe about it, and truly, once we are willing to break out of our self-absorbed bubble on behalf of someone else, it is easier the next time. Once we say "yes" to the right things, it's as though the wind fills our sails and helps us to engage more quickly, and with more confidence the next time someone around us needs our charity.

The converse is also true; when we say "no" to someone, it becomes easier to say "no" again and again to the needs of others, and in that process, our hearts become more hardened. That's what happened to the Israelites in Isaiah; they said "no" to God, and as a consequence, their hearts were hardened. They had free will; they chose to disengage from their relationship with The Lord. And because of their willing rejection, they continued to reject all the blessings that came their way.

Nothing has changed; we still have this same nature. We tend to say "yes" to the things that debase us, and "no" to the things that make us holy. We are prideful if we go about "helping" others, but don't see the moral poverty that we must address, and so what do our good works mean if they are divorced from the morality and holiness that should be driving all of it?

So it happens that when we give our acquiescence to the wrong things, we end up giving obesience to even more things, until we are slaves of the world rather than lovers of God.

But when we give our obedience and love to our Lord, we are lead into active accord with not only charity to our neighbor in whatever form is needed, but to a higher morality that seeks to elevate the sinner towards God and out of the mire rather than to tell the sinner (ourselves, mostly) that the mire is actually a "good".

God is not a gray object. He desires that we are clear in our intent, one way or another. A "yes" to Him is a clear "no" to the winds of fickle popular culture. A "no" to an immoral act is automatically a "yes" to the Most High and His love.

We must be clear in everything that we do, at every moment, surrendering to God in even the smallest things. It is the smallest sins that lead us to the bigger ones that rupture our relationship with God.

To what, then, are we giving our agreement every day? To things that are holy, or to things that debase us?

We must choose. We must examine ourselves.

What do YOU choose today?
*

Discernment

I don't understand how one can "discern" into something that isn't there. I don't understand how one can feel a call to something they don't see, can't obtain because it isn't present, or just "know" it is where they belong. And it's a far cry from the nihilism that so plagues our society.

For years now, I know that God has been calling me to something. I don't know what, really. I'll admit the door isn't closed on religious life, nor is it closed on marriage, nor is it closed on the single life. On one hand, it seems that I don't know how to close doors. On the other hand, I wonder if they are SUPPOSED to stand open?

Each state in life has a beauty unto itself, a differing relationship with God, each important, equally, in the life of the Church. Each is needed for the holiness of the individual soul and to contribute properly to the Mystical Body of Christ. Each is beloved of God.

Each is a Vocation.

It's been discussed here before, but I still don't accept the idea that the single life is a "Vocation Inactivated." In fact, I find the idea insulting and, quite honestly, narrow-minded out of willful ignorance.

Sorry, I tend to speak bluntly. That's why the parish I work at is making plans to lynch me any day now.

But my words are not without love. Because I could ONLY come to this realization with love, and I can only express it, bluntly, with love. Maybe it's my German heritage. I dunno.

In any case, just look at the single men and women who have contributed to building the Kingdom of God. Consider Blessed Pierre Giorgio Frassati, (a tiertiary Dominican, by the way) who was 24 when he died. He did what he did and lived the life that he lived as a chaste single man. God did not call him to the religious life, nor did He call him to marry. God called this young man to serve His people in the lay state, as a Single. And he rose to his Vocation.

And what about St. Margaret of Castello, another Dominican? She was a deformed child, abandoned, and chosen from eternity to serve Christ and His Church in a special way. She was DEFORMED...clearly she could not be called to marriage. And from what I remember from her story, she was also rejected from religious life but was allowed to live as a Third Order Dominican. I must look over her story again. In any case, if she WAS admitted to the religious life, I do not see a story of a Vocation inactivated. She lived her Vocation in the state that she was given, fully.

The very idea of "inactive" is insulting, demeaning, and I do believe that people are going to be answering to God one day for such malignment of holy souls. No, there is NOT "someone for everyone." And you know it.

Yes, yes, yes, I realize that the term "vocation" can be greatly abused if used in the secular sense, and that sense is sometimes intermixed with the spiritual sense of the word. But I hold that there are 3 legitimate states in life: Married, Religious, and Single, in no particular order. All are necessary. All are beautiful.

And clearly my usage of the term is not in reference to employment, but rather, a state in life, a state chosen by God Himself. Disagree if you wish as that is your perogative. But I will not change this position, nor will I engage in the argument. I am at peace with the idea, and you have the right to be at peace with your own idea.

So, you may be wondering...what am I talking about here, in this ramble of a meandering musing post?

Discernment. It has many forms. Each more confusing than the last.

A few years ago I met a man who wanted to enter a Third Order. It was a fairly new idea to me, and for myself, I did not feel called to it. I did not belive I was called to religious life, and I don't know that I've ever felt a real STRONG call to marriage. Then again, talk to me in a few days and I may say something different. Marriage is beautiful.

I can tell you that it is wonderful to be a single woman, and there are things that I can offer in this state, and can do in this state that I could not accomplish as a married woman. I can also tell you there are things that I WOULD be able to do if I were married and had a man in the house! In fact, at times it seems I'd have MORE freedom by being married.

And while the idea of religious life is still there, it still repels me to a certain degree, which I feel I must discuss. For one thing, while people who know me see my social face, they see it on my terms. When I am feeling social. And indeed, I am a talker, I do like people, certainly...but I can only take so much. I have ALWAYS been very isolative. I was a very shy child and always withdrew to be alone, in silence. Yet sometimes the silence and aloneness (not the same as lonliness) is too much, and I need to be around people. I need a certain balance.

My family fell apart and I know that this contributed to who I am today, because I can't fairly say I am comfortable with community living. I will admit that it draws me like a moth to a light, but at the same time, I am also repelled, as though sensing a ZAP! is coming if I get too close.

I know that the religious life is completely proper to a socialite, contrary to maybe popular opinion. The men and women who enter cloisters and other religious communities tend to be outgoing (although all personality types are called). And it is their outgoing nature that gives them the ability to be in the constant presence of others...the SAME others...most of the time.

I don't think God gave me that gene. I LOVE living alone, but I don't think I could be a hermit.

In other words, maybe I'm telling you that I'm a normal human being with a personality that can go anywhere, with God's grace. But might be more suited to just remaining in the lay state, in the world, but not OF the world. Unfortunately, this reality does not solve my discernment issue.

For a long time now, I have sensed a closeness to the Dominican charisms. Since my reversion, I have recognized an intense thirst and hunger for God, and nothing really quenches it. I continue to desire to study, to learn, and to share those fruits. I can't keep my mouth shut or my keyboard silent. I MUST speak.

And I also feel a draw to be a part of SOME KIND of community, some form of common prayer, something more intimate than the larger Church, but never apart from her.

In short...I need more. I want to give my life to Christ, I want to give all that I am, all that I have, all that I have been, and all that I will ever be...to Him. And for some of the faithful, that means entering religious life. For others, that means getting married and raising children. For others, it means offering themselves as singles.

So even as I need...I crave to BE needed. To fit somewhere definitively. To make some kind of committment.

I already know that my life means nothing apart from the Cross. While certain points of religious life have their appeal, so does living as a single. And more and more, while I love the idea of marriage, I don't think that's where God is calling me.

God created us all for Himself, and Himself alone. He called us out of eternity, formed us, and placed us in the womb of our mothers. He brought us to live in that warm, encompassing environment, already a foreshadowing of the beatific vision. He brought us into the world, already beloved by Him. Our lives have meaning. Every one. Even those of the aborted children, martyrs by conception, have meaning for someone. Everything is ordered toward God. All is His.

I know that I am His, because I don't belong to anyone else.

In December, I feared we'd lose Mom, and that scares me. Because although I don't rely on her anymore, I still NEED her, maybe partially for definition. We lost Dad in 1995, and in truth, we'd lost him long before that. But Mom...we need Mom. When she goes, it will be my brother and I. And I have no one. My brother has his girlfriend (future wife!) and her family. I don't. I have only God.

I know that my singlehood has been a special place. It is through this state that I have become friends with such Saints as St. Joseph (to whom my Mom has always had a devotion, especially after she was divorced) and others. I have been able to "converse" with the Saints by virtue of the fact that there is no one else. I have a sense of being "adopted" and even protected. Speak to any faithful single...God has His hand on us in a special way.

And now enter the idea of becoming a Lay Dominican. Where I fled the idea of the Third Order Carmelites, and shuddered at the idea of the Secular Franciscans, I am more intensely drawn to the concept of being a Lay Dominican.

There is nothing wrong with the Carmelites. It is a beautiful spirituality, and many Carmelite Saints are good friends of mine. I would not be where I am without them. And they will always inform my spirituality. And the Franciscans...LOVE the Franciscans. St. Francis has always been a special friend as long as I can remember. And it's not a mistake that St. Francis and St. Dominic were very good friends...God drew them together for the sake of the Kingdom. Seperate...but just as important.

And of course, St. Augustine. You don't hear of the "Augustinians", but are you aware that the Dominicans live by the Rule of St. Augustine? Several years ago I took a "test" and it told me that I had "Augustinian" spirituality. What I read seemed to fit, and I read the other descriptions as well. I did not know at the time that "Augustinian Spirituality" was also Dominican.

It was St. Augustine and St. Monica who have brought me to where I am. And for many reasons, both have been present in my life, although I haven't always recognized them.

It seems my Saints are all in cahoots. They have brought me here...they will not abondon me here.

Now I am stepping forward in trust. While I have fled the idea of religious life and feel "so-so" towards marriage, I am loving the idea of professing to a secular order. And maybe it's just a step. Maybe God has other plans for me. Maybe He wants me to remain in the world as a single woman, but connected to a certain community. Maybe He will use this to lead me to my future husband. Maybe He will use this as a springboard into religious life.

Maybe it will all come to nothing and there will be an entirely different surprise.

Not to be morbid, but maybe I'll die tomorrow. And maybe it's my "Yes!" today that will make a difference in that moment.

I realized back in November that I wasn't in a place to say "Yes" to God, and that took me by surprise. But nothing takes God by surprise. He knows our hearts, he knows our true desires, and He will do what is necessary to help us come to Him. He is infinitely patient, infinitely merciful, infinitely good.

Maybe I still can't say "yes" unconditionally, but I am willing to take steps, holding tightly to His hand. And maybe the steps I am taking now will bear fruit.

Original Solitude

This morning I attended a small conference, which meets every month, designed for DRE's and Youth Ministers. The topic was with regard to Theology of the Body, the speaker was wonderful, and as usual, I was struck by the simplicity of the concepts...and how they apply to all of us.

A couple things hit me; the first was with regard to "the call" given to those who serve in ministry in some form, be it priest, religious, or lay ministry. Always, when someone talks about us being "called" to where we are, I am completely humbled...what am I doing here? God called ME?

It's shock. Complete shock. I look back upon my past, I see in a flash the last several years...and I can't feel anything but a mix of relief, humble recognition of my sinfulness, and the love of God. The focal point behind the speaker was a large crucifix; and every time I heard the word "call", my eyes and heart shifted to that image.

Seriously. I don't really understand how I got here. I have no idea how I went from where I was to where I am now; a student of Graduate Theology, staff in a parish, a faithful Catholic. How did God do this?

And of course, the speaker began then, and at the beginning, she spoke of, naturally, the beginning for us all, the beginning of John Paul II's Theology of the Body.

The first concept was original solitude; God created Adam, in His own image and likeness, and bade him to have a blast in naming the animals. This Adam did, and indeed, had a great time. So there he was, in the company of the animals, recognizing the gifts of God, recognizing all that he had, recognizing that God's creation was wonderful. But upon reflection, he realized there was no one like him, and he recognized his lonliness.

Man was alone; he saw that he was different from the rest of creation, he saw that he had the gift of self-determination, something all the animals did not have. He saw that he had an inherent dignity in his relationship with God that was not possessed by the rest of Creation.

He stood alone before God; he stood naked before the Lord, realizing who and what he was, and God also recognized that it was not proper for Man to be alone.

Skip ahead a few millenia, and we look at our world today. Things are a mess, are they not? Our fallen nature has lead us through disastrous catastrophes, with the current culmination of the slaughter of thousands and millions of children upon the altar of the god of self-loving inconvenience. We have seen the wars, the destruction of life, the loss of our sense of who we are because we cannot see God, and our society simply doesn't care.

Today I also realized that not only have we fallen so far, but this lesson is even more personal. It was a moment of that self-knowledge that comes only by the grace of God, right on the heels of the sense of "calling".

In reflecting, I realized that God has called me to my own personal "original solitude". In answer to my prayers and struggles of the past, God has taken me through years of sludge and rejection of Him, has helped me redefine happiness, and has delivered me from the darkness of those years. Where has He brought me, exactly?

To the beginning. To original solitude.

I live alone. God saw that I was alone, and so gave me a dog, which I named. But she is not like me; I must train her, I must feed her, I must care for her, because she can do none of this on her own. In her original nature, she does not have the ability to care for herself or even think beyond a short period of time. I love her and thank God for the gift of this pet, and it's nice to come home from work to a joyful greeting. She makes me sleep better because she is protective; she reminds me of God's love in moments of isolation, and she makes my life better, if not easier.

But then enter the solitude; she is not like me. It is not natural that a woman (or man, for that matter) be alone. The natural world is a gift, but it is not a substitute.

Every so often I stop and realize that I am alone and totally dependent upon God, and while He has been very good to me and in his faithfulness to Himself will continue to be so, I am still alone.

I do not look at this only from the perspective of marriage because the reality of our human existance covers so much more. Instead, I consider that, throughout history, it was never proper for women to live alone. Single women lived with their families. Married couples lived with their families. There were provisions to care for widows, especially widows with children.

We all suffer from the Fall, and Jesus came to ransom us with His blood, but the effects of the original sin remains in our natures. Our disobedience is ingrained; our understanding of love is twisted, and our definition of happiness is warped beyond recognition.

And although Jesus died for us, our sin have continued from generation to generation. It is a domino effect; once it has begun, it cannot be stopped, so the sins of the fathers are visited upon the next generation...and the sins of their sons have effects to the next generation, and the sins of the grandsons...and the effects continue. From the Fall, there has been a snowball effect, for each generation suffers and reacts to the sins of the previous generation.

It is ongoing. Jesus saved us with his blood by opening the gates of Heaven; without his blood, without his own fulfillment of the covenant, there would be no Salvation. Yet God allows us to live out our decisions, watch the effects of our sins, and stands ever ready, ever reaching for us, ready to offer us mercy.

Yet in this warped world, things have gone so awry; our dignity is constantly undermined. We damage each other and call it "love" when it is anything but love.

And in this world, even as we seek the company of others, we still stand alone before God, naked, ashamed, but unable to look into His eyes.

I have come to see that the Single state was never intended, just as Death was never intended; indeed, it is unnatural to be alone. We are meant to love and be loved, within God's original and fully self-sacrificing love. We are meant to live for others, not for ourselves, but the battle that rages within us is between the love of God and the love of the world.

The very reality of the solitude so prevalent in our socity is nothing short of disturbing, for at its core, it shows how far we have fallen. How is it that the evil one has managed to separate the ewes from the flock; the better to take them down?

And we have cooperated.

I do not believe that all women are meant to marry, nor are all men meant to marry. I believe that the majority of people are called to the priesthood, religious life, or married life. But there are some souls God calls to His own purposes, and they have existed since the Fall. Yet it seems unprecedented that people live alone in houses with their pets.

It is unnatural.

That solitude is a lonliness; not in the pithy lonliness of poetry and prose, but a deeper lonliness which recognizes that solitude before God is something we all experience. We recognize that we all stand alone, and in that lonliness of solitude, we see who we are, and who God is; and we are convicted in His love.

I have come to realize that my current state in life is related to this original solitude; God has taken me to a place where I can face Him and Him alone, I stand, in lonely solitude. Even as He sends me into the world each and every day, to serve Him and His people, in the end, I am alone before him. Single. Solitary.

And from the depths of this solitude, from the depths of my sinful soul, from the depths of my disordered sense of love, from the depths of my warped idea of happiness, I thank God for seeing me for who and what I am...and leading me ever closer to knowing the true definition of what it means to look into His eyes and understand what it means to be made in the image and likeness of God.