Say Something Nice About a Priest Meme

Cathy tagged me for this Meme, the purpose of which is very simple: say something nice about a Priest!

The only problem I have with this is that I am blessed to know several priests who have touched my life and have brought me closer to Christ. I have so many priests I'd like to thank, including those I consider to be good friends.

So where do I begin?

I've written before of the unknown priest who heard a very difficult Confession. I've written of the one who anointed my Mom a couple years ago when we thought we were losing her during our Deathwatch Advent.

Maybe the best thing to do is honor the priests I know through recognition of the unsung and very hidden things they do; the simple things that perhaps mean more than any of us can understand. And in this case, I have to honor three priests, for the trilogy of them did the very same things for me, and at the same time. Clearly, I'm such a difficult case that one was simply not enough for the task! Or was this perhaps just a reflection of the Trinity found in a triangulation of good priests?

You decide.

A few years ago several things were converging at the same time: I was called to teach RCIA, a very new experience, and I was applying to Graduate School. It was perhaps a 9-month period of time during which all of this occurred, and it was all related.

When I looked over the materials for the Catholic Studies program at the University of St. Thomas, I saw that they were looking for recommendations from professors, but would accept that of priests if we had been out of school for a long time. I immediately approached two priests at my parish; my Pastor and one of the Associates. In all honesty, I didn't think either of them knew me well enough to write a recommendation, but I told both that I would answer any questions they had and provide any information required even to make a decision!

My Pastor simply told me to provide him with the form and he would return it in the provided envelope. The Associate asked me to come into his office so he could get a little more of my background and intentions, including my desire to teach RCIA that year. Up to that point, I really hadn't done much for my parish so had a very short resume as it applied to the Church, except for my "ministry" in Jr. High and High School. As an adult...NUTHIN'! But in the end he accepted the recommendation form, feeling he could answer their questions honestly. I was grateful.

In the meantime I began teaching RCIA. Enter the other Associate, who, upon realizing how nervous I was about my first foray into formal catechesis of others asked if it would help to meet with him and talk over the lesson I was planning. I accepted his invitation gratefully and found there an ally and a friend. He gave me some good tips on teaching in general, and, although he couldn't attend the first big talk I gave, he came into the classroom at the end to heckle me and see how it had gone. In fact, he entered the room with the other Associate who also had known how nervous I was and also wanted to provide a little support.

Later that fall, after Thanksgiving, I found that I was accepted by St. Thomas as a "special student", meaning I I could not qualify for financial aid. Given the cost of classes at St. Thomas, I could not afford to go, and sadly informed my references of the good news...but that I had to delay. I was looking into all my options.

That's when, at a fledgling Theology on Tap evening, Fr. W., my biggest RCIA supporter, upon learning my news told me about Ave Maria University, recommended the program and said he had brochures in his office. He knew they were offering a class beginning in February and suggested I look into it. Another person there, an acquaintance of mine, told me more about it and that he was looking into it as well, although he was in the Catholic Studies program at St. Thomas already. We discussed the two programs, and I realized that Ave Maria was truly was I was looking for. Had Father W. not mentioned it...who knows where I would be?

I picked up the brochure the next day and solidified my intention: I took that one class, the Writings of John Paul II as a special student, but was able to pay for the tuition out of pocket. In the meantime I was conferring with my Pastor, who also knew of my financial problems with UST, supported my looking into Ave Maria, and was familiar my agony over whether to apply there or not. I found that I might qualify for a scholarship...so much to consider!

And in all this time, I was teaching RCIA, with my Pastor, the other Associate Fr. H. occasionally present either to hear my reflections on the upcoming readings or my catechesis on the topic for the evening, depending on what was assigned for that night. I found them always to be helpful, supportive, and given it was my first year teaching, found it significant that at no point did either of them ever stand up and with a pointing finger yell out "HERETIC!" Nor did they accuse me of such in private.

It was a great help to know I was not a heretic or teaching heresy!

(Although Fr. H., upon a discussion as to which one of us was going to give the teaching on Sin, suggested I do so because, as he said, "You were a much bigger sinner than I was." Thanks, Father!)

And yes, I gave the teaching, and yes, Father would have been better at it even though it's probably true that I was the bigger sinner!

Our Pastor, although not as prone to the same kind of humor, like Fr. H. was always available for my questions as I prepared for the classes or had my own to ask. Just as surely as I was trying to form the (sorry, but true) largely uncatechized Sponsors, Catechumens, and Candidates, the Fathers were forming me. All three of them. It was that big of a job.

That spring I decided to apply to Ave Maria University formally, to be accepted into the Institute for Pastoral Theology. Once again I went to my Pastor and Fr. H., the same two who had written on my behalf to the University of St. Thomas. And once again, they agreed to help. I felt guilty; I knew I was giving them more work, and already they were stretched so thin, and I had delayed in my decision, leaving a deadline closer than should be comfortable. Both, within a couple days, either returned the sealed envelopes or sent them on directly (I forget which), and as I checked the box on the form agreed that what they said would remain confidential, to this day I have NO IDEA what they said about me, either for UST or Ave Maria. And because I agreed to confidentiality in their responses about me, I have not asked any of them about the content of their letters.

All I know is that I was accepted to BOTH programs, and I didn't do it on my own merit, but also that of the Priests who supported me without question. None of them questioned why I wanted to pursue the degree or what I ultimately wanted to do with it. They understood that I was seeking holiness, had a thirst for knowledge, and even though, really, maybe they should have hesitated in offering a recommendation on my behalf not even knowing what kind of STUDENT I was, they stuck their own necks out for my good, probably hoping for the full good of the Church.

I hope and pray I can live up to their expectations.

When I sit in class, I remember the priests who helped me get there. That includes the one who didn't write a letter, but first told me about the program and gave me the brochure. I can't write about this process without including him...he was instrumental.

Three Priests. Three of them.

Two of those Priests, the same two that wrote me letters for grad school, also served as references for my current job in another parish. True to the Mission of the Church, they formed me and sent me on, beyond the walls of our own parish, entrusting me not only to their own pastoral care, but that of the grad school they helped me to enter, and sending me to carry on the work of Christ in another place.

I am not very active in my own parish right now because my work in another and my grad studies take me away. But it is home, even though those same Associates aren't there any more, having moved on themselves. I see them occasionally and owe one of them an email. Our Pastor is still there, and sometimes asks me how classes and my job are going.

You can see why I had to mention all three priests here, if not by name. You can see how they all worked together to help this poor soul get to where she is now: still a poor soul, but one now in her last year of grad school and considering more.

It is definitely a relationship of trust, for I knew I could go to them for help, and even though they MUST have seen me as a risk to their own reputations, they offered what they could on my behalf. I am a different person now, in many ways. I could not have entered this program without them, for I had nowhere else to go. They gave me experience and helped me to develop skills. They offered support for further education, and, like Jesus, considered that their risk was worth it.

I pray that, in the end, if, God willing, I finally earn this degree (graduation in June 2010!), my effort will justify their risk, and I pray that everything I do in the future helps them to earn merit for eternity.

Thank you, Fathers, first for laying down your own lives for us all, but more personally:

* For your example of Faith in Christ, every single day, constantly

* Your example of Him to me personally, in the Sacraments (esp of Confession!), and in meeting with me when I've had questions

* Your (seeming) unquestioning support and trust in my endeavors

and finally...

* Being a true Spiritual Father in something small and hidden but which, for this particular soul, means the world, and might mean Eternity.

Thank you, Fathers. God bless you. I pray for you every day: it's the least I can do.

Love,

Your Spiritual Daughter

~ Adoro

*

This is such a great Meme, and although maybe it would be proper to tag 33 in honor of the years of Christ on earth, maybe I should actually stick with the rules for once and tag only 3. So I tag:

Angela

Fr. Schnippel (Priests aren't formed in a vacuum....)

Uncle Jim

I encourage you all to remain obedient to the Meme, to honor "a Priest", but if you have to honor a few who worked together...I look forward to reading what you have to say! :-)

Bartimaeus

I love the readings this weekend. The story of Bartimaeus has long been one of my favorites. This time, though, I'm not going to post anything new, but re-post what I wrote only a few years ago when we had the same cycle of readings. It was also a talk I gave to the RCIA class I was "teaching" at the time. You can find the original link here, although I am posting it fully below:

*****************************************************

When I first began to reflect upon the readings for today, the 30th Sunday in Ordinary time, I initially had a different idea in mind as to what I wanted to talk about, but with deeper consideration, I saw that there is a theme running throughout, (beginning with Jer 31:7-9) which speaks of mercy, it speaks of going away in tears, consolation, and guidance. It ends in rejoicing. The second reading (Heb 5:1-6) speaks of patience with the ignorant and erring, referencing those called by God to offer gifts and sacrifices on their behalf.
Bartimaeus was me just a few years ago. I had been raised Catholic but fell away and was living a life in which I was involved in the occult, palm reading, and other things my Mom did not raise me to do. On occasion I attended Mass, and each time, I cried from pretty much the opening prayer until about a half hour or so after it was over. It completely freaked me out, and as a result, I rarely attended the same parish because I didn’t want people to recognize me as the “weird crying lady”.

Gospels of Mercy

A curious thing was happening during these years…I went to Mass so infrequently that I seemed to go only when the readings were about the Prodigal Son, or about similar themed Gospels such as this one about Bartimeaus. I began to think that the various parishes only recycled the same readings, over and over!

I remember, though, as I sat weeping at those Masses, how much the way I was living my life contrasted with what was being taught, and I was made aware, even though I didn’t want to see it, that the life I was living was one of darkness. I was really lost in all that mess. I was not living the life my Mom had intended for me, or that God had intended. I remember in those times, praying for Jesus to have mercy on me, to have pity on me. I was so blind, though; I didn’t understand that I was crying because Jesus DID have pity on me…and He was calling me to Him via the Gospels and the homilies - and the tears.

In this regard, Bartimaeus was far wiser than I, for in his blindness he still recognized the Son of God. I just sat there crying for mercy and when Jesus called me to Him, I ran away in tears.

The Problem of Confession

Slowly, though, I began to come back, and for a few years, I knew I needed to go to Confession, but I could not work up the courage to make an appointment and I could not bring myself to stand in line: the Weird Crying Lady strikes again! I’ll admit at this point that part of my struggle was with my pride; I didn’t want to be so exposed in my weakness.

The thought of going to Confession literally made me shake in my shoes. But I continued to pray for mercy, and I began to attend Mass more often, trying to go every Sunday. Unfortunately I also continued in my own personal darkness, living a life divorced from God’s will and everything I’d been taught about morality.

As it was, whenever I attended Mass, I felt like a fraud, like I was not holy enough to be there. If I saw the parish priest, I'd run away even MORE quickly; I was sure they could see through me, and if they spoke with me they'd immediately say I had to go to Confession. So I fled, not wanting to hear that. I knew it already. The knowledge was killing me.

No, really....my disordered life was killing me.

But the Lord is faithful, especially when we are not.

Jesus went so far as to directly send me a Priest! I happened to be at a friend’s house one evening, and the priest at the parish I had been attending was a family friend, and “just happened” to be there for dinner. He and I had a great conversation about cooking, garlic, and wine or some such things. Through this conversation, I considered that he was a pretty cool guy...and maybe I should contact him and make an appointment for what promised to be a difficult Confession. I had a sense that he was an empathetic soul and that maybe I could trust him.

A few times I picked up my phone in an attempt to call to make an appointment, and then quickly slammed it down. A few times I went so far as to get into my car, drive to the parish for Confessions on Saturday...and as soon as I saw the Church, I hit the gas and got out of there as quickly as I could!

The Gospel for this weekend (Mk 10:46-52) refers to those who rebuked Bartimeaus, and indeed, there were those in my life, too, even as I prayed for the grace to return to my faith, there were people who rebuked me. They stood there as obstacles personified, giving every reason why I should not run into the loving arms of Our Savior. Every convert and revert hits this obstacle, time and time again. Every sinner hits this obstacle constantly.

God is faithful, and sometimes those who rebuke us have the opposite effect of what they intend. For some reason, I kept running into co–workers and other people who attacked the Catholic Church, and they ALWAYS brought up the Sacrament of Confession, claiming "it's not scriptural" or some other alleged complaint. Rather than being driven further from the Church, I began to ask questions I should have asked long before.

Finally, after watching EWTN, and doing some reading about the Catholic Church and our beliefs, as Easter was approaching I resolved that I was going to finally go to Confession. I did a web search of all the parishes in the area and found a communal penance service with individual confessions afterward. [Note: this was NOT an illicit General Absolution service, but an approved form which has a short liturgical celebration which includes absolution ONLY with individual confession, as is proper and required.]

I had finally reached the point where I realized that I really was completely wrapped up in my own darkness, and I knew that I couldn’t go on like that anymore, and I couldn’t keep running away from Jesus. I was literally saying to God, “Master, I don’t want to be alone in this darkness any more…I want to see!”

Firm Purpose of Amendment

One of my obstacles had been in my lack of understanding of the Sacrament. I actually thought that I had to perfect myself, I had to turn away from everything in order to have what they call a “firm purpose of amendment”. I knew that I couldn’t just change so drastically, and by going to Confession, I was, in a way, making a solid commitment to God. While I was quite a sinner, a healthy respect for God had been instilled within me and I did not want to make matters worse through any form of insincerity. What I learned was that it’s God’s job to perfect us, and that we can’t always just cast everything away without his Grace.

If we refer to the Gospel again, we see that the blind man cast away his cloak, a representation for sin and those things that encumber us and prevent us from following Jesus. Again, Bartimaeus was far stronger than I, or maybe most of us, because it’s so difficult to leave it all behind and approach Jesus. I couldn’t do that; I needed Jesus’s help and the grace of the Sacraments to give me strength.

So I went to the church that evening, and at the entrance there was an examination of conscience, which was, in a nutshell, a list of mortal and venial sins. For example, it listed the 1st Commandment: I am the Lord your God; you shall have no other gods except Me. Then it went on to list offenses which fall into this category, such as Occult practices; palm reading, divination, Tarot, etc. Well…THAT hit home! I actually became convinced that I was the WORST SINNER EVER.

Keep in mind that EVERYONE there was at that church for Confession…and the church was FULL! Draw your own conclusion.

I was already crying, and sat near the back of the church, listened AGAIN to the story of the Prodigal Son, and this time, I knew that it was all about me, and I saw the pattern of the last few years…all about blindness, returning home, and the rejoicing that followed. God was not trying to scare me away, yet as I stood in line for confession, I couldn’t stop crying. There I was…the Weird Crying Lady again.

I think I stood there for about 45 minutes or so, but it felt a LOT longer. I had hoped to go behind a screen, but the line there was MUCH longer and I realized that if I moved to that line, I might lose whatever courage I had and just leave...but I didn’t want to leave. It was time to answer Jesus’ call to me.

Confession To God Directly

One of the objections I’d always heard, and still hear from people, is that we, as Catholics, aren’t confessing to God...but to man. It’s important to point out that in Confession, we ARE confessing directly to Jesus, but the priest is there in persona Christi, which is a term you will hear a lot. It means, “in the place of Christ”, so while we may see or hear the Priest and what he has to say, when he tells us that we are absolved, it is not him speaking under his own authority, rather he is speaking as Jesus because it is JESUS who forgives our sins through the priest. So that night, it was Jesus I was going to see.

Finally it was my turn, and finally, I was the blind man who had come to Jesus, finally ready to say, “Master, I want to see.”

I was a complete mess--that poor priest!

I could barely speak, so I just handed over the examination of conscience and said, “Father...it’s been about 12 years...”

There was a pause during which I was sure the full judgment I thought I deserved would come crashing down upon me.

“THAT’S WONDERFUL!” the priest proclaimed. “That’s GREAT! YOU’RE the prodigal DAUGHTER!”

HUH!?

Not what I’d expected to hear! In spite of all the Gospels I’d heard, in spite of everything...I thought I deserved to be condemned and cast away. That’s not what happened.

I made my confession, most of it completely unintelligible, but this priest NEVER ONCE asked me to repeat what I had said...because he wasn’t the one who needed to understand, or decipher my words. He knew I was doing the best I could, and it was Jesus who heard every single word.

I will NEVER be able to explain what it was like to make my Act of Contrition and walk out of there, 12 years GONE.

Gone.

And you know...I really could see more clearly after that day. I could identify those parts of my life that needed to change, and through this pivotal moment, I was able to find the courage to walk away from those things that had held me captive for so long.

I wish I could say that my life immediately changed, but it didn’t. I was still encumbered, like we all are, by various things, people, relationships, etc, which held me back, but slowly, through prayer, through the sacraments, through a true desire to follow Jesus, those things changed. Those things are still changing, every single day. And I’ve found that the closer we become to God, the more clearly we can see.

Twice in this Gospel, Jesus gives the blind man a choice, because we ALWAYS have a choice. When Bartimeaus called out to Him, Jesus didn’t just go to him, but he CALLED to him in response. He gave him a choice rather than approaching him on the roadside. He was asking for a commitment, a willingness to do something other than sit there and cry.

Then, again, after he restores his sight, Jesus tells Bartimeaus, “Your faith has saved you...go your way.” And Bartimeaus, his sight restored, chooses to follow Jesus. He could have gone back to his old life…he could have just walked away, grateful but unchanged. Jesus gives us all this choice and does not enforce it. He tells us to go our own way…and lets us make that critical decision.

Our way...or God’s way?

*

Audience Hostility

A comment by Maureen in the previous post brought something to mind, and I have to wonder if it is what has made me more sensitive to audience dynamics.

Anyone who has spent any time on stage knows the phenomena; each audience has its own personality, its own dynamic. I was playing Ms. Minchin in "The Little Princess" as an 8th Grader when I first learned about this. Because that was one of the principle roles, I was on stage a lot, and got an inkling, even under my nervousness, of the energy of the audience that fed my own performance.

A couple years later, in Community Theatre, I got an even stronger sense of "audience participation" in their responsiveness or lack thereof. There was no heckling, but rather, a sense of performing to a brick wall or to a living breathing organism. Sometimes the audience was so appreciative it was literally felt and absorbed by us, and returned to them in our renewed enthusiasm. A dismal audience dampened us just as thick fog inhibits echoes.

Speaking to a hostile audience is similar, and in looking back, I have to wonder if my time on stage, as long ago as it was, gave me the ability to tune in to that group dynamic. I know that when I'm at work and speaking to a group, I can tell when they're bored, not paying attention, etc. I can feel it when they've disengaged with the topic.

And boy, if I'm the speaker, I sure can feel it when I'm being heckled! (Yes, literally!) Last fall, I remember preparing for my talk, hoping it was engaging, informative, and useful. Hoping that this group would be as receptive as RCIA had been the year before. But I hadn't accounted for the fact that the parents I was speaking to didn't want to be there, they had questions I didn't know to anticipate, and even as they sullenly arrived, the pre-speaking butterflies multiplied in my stomach.

That first night was worse than speaking to a brick wall..it was more akin to whistling in a dark alley as I waited for Freddie to appear with five razors on his left hand. There was a palpable WALL meeting my every word. In desparation, I was looking around the room, making eye contact, and connecting with the people who were nodding, or neutral, or even slightly smiling. There were some who literally had turned their chairs around so that only their backs were to me. I remember one in particular who spent the time chatting with her best friend at her table.

The absolute rudeness was shocking to me. I was amazed at the brazen disrespect. Even though throughout my life I've attended things I didn't particularly care about, and maybe even disagreed, somewhere along the line I learned to, at worst, just be bored. I've never glared at a speaker. I've never turned my back on a speaker. Maybe it came from having to give speeches in Jr. High...we all knew we had to be up there next, and we all knew how hard it was.

The next time I speak, I may address this head on for the benefit of those who might be hostile; I have to wonder, if I reveal this human side of me, maybe they'll be softened enough, remembering their own Jr. High experiences, and be willing to listen even if they disagree. It's a tactic that might be worth trying.

But it's hard to know how to handle hostility, for we don't always know WHY people are hostile. We can be certain there's a reason, and usually that reason comes from a direct personal harm, or at least something taken personally.

We are part of a Church that has, for a couple generations, not been well catechized. A week ago in class, one of our professors remarked that he's always amazed by people who make fun of the memorization methods used with the Baltimore Catechism. They could quote the entire Catechism chapter and verse, question and response. Yet they ripped on the method, stating they never learned anything, they weren't changed by it...maybe so. And he would agree...rote memorization isn't sufficient when our faith should exist to change us interiorly, not just intellectually.

But he had a good response, one I feel as well. To those of you who condemn the Baltimore Catechism and joke that you can quote it to this day: AT LEAST YOU HAVE THAT! You know more than those of us who weren't even taught the most rudimentary articles of faith. AT LEAST YOU HAVE THE ANSWERS, IF YOU WERE TO BOTHER TO TRULY ASK THE QUESTIONS.

It makes me want to cry; we are so lost. And there are so many who are lost who haven't even BEGUN to question their faith and learn about it, content with the seductive relativism of our society that pitts sports against church activities and "fun things" against God. Most of the time, the "faithful" are choosing worldly endeavors because church is a "Sunday thing", if even that.

So it stands to reason that if someone comes along and actually provides real Church teaching, the audience, even a claiming-to-be-Catholic audience tends to get very hostile. They don't know the Catechism. They get their Catholicism from the likes of Nancy Pelosi, and they learn Social Justice from groups that do social work devoid of the necessary Moral teachings that have ALWAYS guided Social Justice.

Of COURSE they're angry! Of COURSE they're insulted! But if they had the time to sit down in the presence of Our Lord, they'd realize that the source of their anger wasn't the speaker, or the teaching itself, but the anger at the spiritual poverty thrust upon them that allowed them to be without God for so long. To not know God. To give lip service but with a forked tongue.

And because they never learned, they are living a privation of good...they are living evil, and it makes them angry, because EVERYONE knows they deserved better formation.

That doesn't really help us, though, does it? Because it means that Priests who speak up, their Faith Formation staff that speak up, the average Lay Catholic who speaks up is going to take a beating from nearly everyone.

I've lost friends, and so have most of my Catholic friends who take our faith seriously. It's not because we're "judgmental" or mean about our beliefs. It is that we've been forced by the friends we thought we had to take a stand...and we can't be a part of something evil. To distance ourselves from, say, being a proxy on a Living Will that asks us to murder our friends...no, we can't do that. And so, rather than our friends hearing us out and simply taking our names off of a form, those "friends" remove us from both the form and their lives.

That's another type of audience hostility, albeit it's a smaller audience, but one that is a LOT more painful.

I truly, truly encouage those of you who are crying out for your Priests and Bishops to "have a spine!" to put your own words and lives where they put theirs. Get involved in RCIA, in Faith Formation. Are your children receiving the Sacraments this year? Offer to give a testimony, and don't mince words. Speak the Truth in love, don't be afraid to do EXACTLY what you expect your Priests and Bishops to do...and then stand up and take the backlash.

You'll have a whole different and better appreciation of what you're asking...rightfully asking. And you'll be spending a lot more time praying for those you so love to criticize, because only by experiencing that lash can you ever appreciate the agonizing pain.

If you're not a public speaker, then take your concerns and pray Stations of the Cross for the person you think should be speaking in a certain way, and withhold your unjust criticisms as a penance in honor of that person. You may be amazed at what is revealed to you through such a devotion, and the power it has for the person for whom you're praying.


It's hard to be a faithful, practicing Catholic in our world, and sooner or later we're all going to suffer for it in some way. As I've said before...make it worthwhile.
*

Update and Prayer Request

The last couple nights have been busy for me; Tuesday night I went on a blog hiatus. I was actually repelled by my computer, for some reason. So I went to Mass (this is a common occurrance), came home, and just spent the evening in silence, did some reading (Theology of the Body), prayed a lot, and I guess had a mini-retreat.

God was silent, though...he didn't offer any direction or even a new job offer to get me out of the hell I go to every day. This HAS to be worth something to someone, somewhere! So offering it up continues.

Last night our now-very-small RCIA team met to discuss next year and the format. We are actually going to be creating our curriculum from the Catechism published by the American Bishops, which quotes the CCC but lays the Church teachings out in a very readable format. It includes discussion questions and the like, and I praise this idea. It's solid catechesis and covers so much more than the liturgically-based program, yet there will still be a blend there as we'll go over the upcoming Sunday's readings each week, too. We are also blessed with a priest very knowledgable in scripture (I think he has a Doctorate relating to scripture), and some other people who can come in occasionally to teach in their areas of expertise.

So good things are happening here. We are also seeking ways to help the new Catholics find their way into our huge parish and get involved. If any of you out there have suggestions as to what your church does or what worked for you (if you are a convert), or if you have suggestions, please comment or send me an e-mail if you're more comfortable in doing so.

Now, as far as more blogging, I'm hoping to be more inspired tonight, having had two evenings "off"; maybe there is another "Blogs of our Lives" episode to be completed. We'll see.

Most importantly, please keep Angela Messenger and her community in your prayers. The river is flooding, people are being evacuated, and Angela's house is cut off. She also has no access to internet from her home, but does from work, so keep an eye on her blog for updates. The river is expected to crest on Saturday.

The greatest of these is Love

If I speak in human and angelic tongues but do not have love, I am a resounding gong or a clashing cymbal.
2 And if I have the gift of prophecy and comprehend all mysteries and all knowledge; if I have all faith so as to move mountains but do not have love, I am nothing.
3 If I give away everything I own, and if I hand my body over so that I may boast but do not have love, I gain nothing.
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous, (love) is not pompous, it is not inflated,
5 it is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury,
6 it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth.
7 It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
8 Love never fails. If there are prophecies, they will be brought to nothing; if tongues, they will cease; if knowledge, it will be brought to nothing.
9 For we know partially and we prophesy partially,
10 but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away.
11 When I was a child, I used to talk as a child, think as a child, reason as a child; when I became a man, I put aside childish things.
12 At present we see indistinctly, as in a mirror, but then face to face. At present I know partially; then I shall know fully, as I am fully known.
13 So faith, hope, love remain, these three; but the greatest of these is love.



34When the Pharisees heard that he had silenced the Sadducees, they gathered together,
35 and one of them [a scholar of the law] tested him by asking,
36 "Teacher, which commandment in the law is the greatest?"
37 He said to him, "You shall love the Lord, your God, with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.
38 This is the greatest and the first commandment.
39 The second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself.



I just had a revelation. One of the things that was stated tonight by one of our newly-Confirmed Catholics struck a chord, and I just realized that I've gotten the greatest lesson that could ever be learned. I don't think anything will ever top this. It's so simple, and so obvious, and so profound that I am literally in tears.

He didn't become Catholic this year because of what any of us SAID. He didn't make his committment because of anything we DID. Although he had questions that were answered during the course of the year, that's not what convinced him, either.

He became Catholic because we love God, and he could see that. He saw God's love in us, expressed through us, and he knew he was home.

So even when we perhaps spoke incorrectly, or when we didn't know the answer, or said or did the wrong thing, it didn't matter. God's love overcame our weaknesses and shone through.

The MOST IMPORTANT thing any of us can EVER do is to love God...and He will do the rest.

Blessings, Smoke, and Fire

It's been quite a day. The good, the bad, the boring, the mundane...it's been a roller coaster and now I'm not tired anymore although I've been tired most of the day.

The blessings hit sometime this afternoon, and they just kept rolling.

First I was called to set up my interview for Ave Maria, the last step of the application process. That means they have all my paperwork in and the recommendations from my references. God bless them! My interview (via phone) is tomorrow.

Then I got home from work to a voice mail from the church I'm applying to...and my first interview is set for next Thursday. Oh, the agony! I can't even prepare for this kind of interview. There will be another interview the following week, that one more formal, and then I'll know if I got the job or not the following week.

Tonight was our last RCIA gathering; we went to Mass and then had a potluck afterwards. But our actions in the kitchen before Mass caused us to nearly burn down the Church while we attended Mass.

Seriously.

While we were obliviously at Mass, praying, worshiping, something was going on in the kitchen. I don't know who, but someone apparently with a key smelled smoke so went into the meeting rooms and saw a haze. He or she or they (I dunno) went into the kitchen area just in time to see a cookie tray in flames on the top of the stove!

Thank God they came by!

The person who put the plastic tray there was only trying to move it out of the way, not realizing tht this particular model of industrial gas stove has exposed pilot lights, which, of course, happened to enjoy the fuel of plastic and other fun things it could consume.

By the time we left Mass, that person had opened the doors and the smoke had cleared although we could smell something had burned.

Thanks to the Guardian Angel in charge of our parish! And thanks to the person who happened by and stopped the disaster!

It was otherwise a blessed night, our new Catholics and our sponsors had a great time, and my heart is so full right now. I'm so grateful to have been a part of this (not the nearly-burning the church down part). I just love those in the class, they were a great group and I learned so much from them. I heard so many encouraging words from them tonight. Even though it's been a big committment and a lot of work (some weeks more than others), this has been SO WORTH IT and I'm looking forward to next year's group of pending Catholics!

In "Charlotte's Web" by E.B. White, there is a line uttered by Wilbur, something along the lines of, "When your stomach is empty and your mind is full, it's always hard to sleep."

Well, for me, my stomach is full (these people can COOK!), my mind is full and my heart is full. And even though I'm exhausted, I haven't felt so joyful in a very long time. God is so good.

May God bless all of you even more abundantly than He has blessed me today.

Feed My Sheep - Follow Me

It's no secret that I used to be a bad Catholic...rather, I was no Catholic at all. I served a different Master, even if I did not acknowledge so. But God would not let me go so easily, for He had placed his mark upon me, he kept His voice in my ear, and he kept me from falling into the abyss.

36 Simon Peter said to him, "Master, where are you going?" Jesus answered (him), "Where I am going, you cannot follow me now, though you will follow later."
37 Peter said to him, "Master, why can't I follow you now? I will lay down my life for you."
38 Jesus answered, "Will you lay down your life for me? Amen, amen, I say to you, the cock will not crow before you deny me three times."

How many times I denied Jesus, through my actions, through my words, through my beliefs? I grew up well within the fold, with a mother the likes of St. Monica, and yet I went the way of Judas. In my defense, I was confused by the world; I was lead by my own concupiscence, and I was lost, yet Jesus did not let me go so easily.

So often I have been Peter, really loving Jesus, yet not understanding what he was saying. So through my own ignorance, I rejected Him.

As I came into the faith, I began to understand what he was asking, and then, through my own fear of ridicule, I have rejected him.

But Jesus is merciful; he does not leave us to our own demise, and he did not leave Peter.

John 21
3 Simon Peter said to them, "I am going fishing." They said to him, "We also will come with you." So they went out and got into the boat, but that night they caught nothing.
4 When it was already dawn, Jesus was standing on the shore; but the disciples did not realize that it was Jesus.
5 Jesus said to them, "Children, have you caught anything to eat?" They answered him, "No."
6 So he said to them, "Cast the net over the right side of the boat and you will find something." So they cast it, and were not able to pull it in because of the number of fish.
7. So the disciple whom Jesus loved said to Peter, "It is the Lord." When Simon Peter heard that it was the Lord, he tucked in his garment, for he was lightly clad, and jumped into the sea.
8 The other disciples came in the boat, for they were not far from shore, only about a hundred yards, dragging the net with the fish.
9 When they climbed out on shore, they saw a charcoal fire with fish on it and bread.
10 Jesus said to them, "Bring some of the fish you just caught."
11 So Simon Peter went over and dragged the net ashore full of one hundred fifty-three 5 large fish. Even though there were so many, the net was not torn.
12 Jesus said to them, "Come, have breakfast." And none of the disciples dared to ask him, "Who are you?" because they realized it was the Lord.
13 Jesus came over and took the bread and gave it to them, and in like manner the fish.
14 This was now the third time Jesus was revealed to his disciples after being raised from the dead.
15 When they had finished breakfast, Jesus said to Simon Peter, "Simon, son of John, do you love me more than these?" He said to him, "Yes, Lord, you know that I love you." He said to him, "Feed my lambs."
16 He then said to him a second time, "Simon, son of John, do you love me?" He said to him, "Yes, Lord, you know that I love you." He said to him, "Tend my sheep."
17 He said to him the third time, "Simon, son of John, do you love me?" Peter was distressed that he had said to him a third time, "Do you love me?" and he said to him, "Lord, you know everything; you know that I love you." (Jesus) said to him, "Feed my sheep.
18 Amen, amen, I say to you, when you were younger, you used to dress yourself and go where you wanted; but when you grow old, you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go."
19 He said this signifying by what kind of death he would glorify God. And when he had said this, he said to him, "Follow me."

I love this passage. Peter recognizes Jesus, and not only does he cast his net into the deep on command, but he leaps into the water in order to swim to him, while his cohorts simply row the boat back in. Peter is so eager to get to Jesus that he does not wait for the boat...he just goes. This is a man of courage and conviction. This is a man I can relate to in his over-eagerness!

Do you see the connection between the two passages?

Jesus rises from the grave, breaking the bonds of death, and what does he do? He returns to the shore and finds Peter fishing. Peter is so ready to meet Jesus and be reconciled that he literally leaps into the waters to get to his Lord.

And then Jesus asks him three times, "Do you love me?"

He does this to overcome Peter's three denials. Three times, Peter answers in the affirmative that he loves Jesus.

So I go back now, to my own life, how many times I denied the Lord. Peter denied him only three times; I denied him many more than that.

Last night, after the Easter Vigil, some of the people in class thanked me for what I had done and made me aware of the influence I've had upon them; one is now going to the Adoration chapel regularly, another is listening to Bl. Fulton Sheen and Fr. Corapi on Relevant Radio. His wife and sponsor is amazed.

Where I used to deny Christ, I am now standing before a group and proclaiming Him.

Where I used to ridicule the faith, I am now upholding and explaining the teachings.

What I used to flee, I am now following, willingly, and asking others to do the same.

I wondered today how many times Jesus will ask me to affirm my love for him, to overcome the number of times I have denied him. It was far more than three. And I cannot believe his Mercy, allowing me to stand among the Saints and Angels at the Easter Vigil, with the souls seeking admission to the Lamb's Supper, having been given the grace to lead them there in my own way. I was allowed to stand up before the congregation, before the priests, before the Lord, and proclaim with my presence that I do indeed love the Lord Jesus Christ, and desire to lead others to Him.

Only a few years ago, I was not even attending Mass on a regular basis. I could not bring myself to go to Confession, and I was receiving the Body and Blood of Jesus unworthily, bringing judgment upon myself. Only a few years ago, I complained that the Church did not allow women to be ordained, and I was calling for "Vatican III". Only a few years ago, I wanted the Church to change, I wanted Jesus to change, to fit my idea of what worship should be.

Last night, I was allowed to stand up in front of my parish as a teacher and a sponsor, and proclaim that Jesus is Lord and I am His servant - and I am thrilled to lead others into his embrace.

I can't imagine anything more merciful for a sinner such as myself. I deserved to be cast into the abyss, yet the Lord instead has called me to his side, to serve and to teach, bringing the Word to those who are where I was, and who have surpassed where I am even now.

How many times will I have to say, "I love you" to overcome my countless denials of Christ?

Yet I will do so as many times as necessary, for I owe my penance in the order of Justice. And Jesus, in His Mercy, allows all of us the ability to answer for our wrongs against him, for He sees our love and allows us to proclaim it, even when, in the past, we have denied him and run away.

Thank you, Jesus, for your Mercy. I love you, and I will follow you.

HE IS RISEN!

You wouldn't believe the joy!

Tonight, I had a front row seat for the Easter Vigil, there as both a teacher and a sponsor, and I was given a place in between the woman I sponsored, whose liflong dream it has been to be Catholic, and her adult daughter on my other side, who was also entering the Church.

We began in the back of the sanctuary, in darkness, witnesses to the lighting of the Easter Candle, and we processed in, to take our places in the front rows. The last light of the evening was still visible through the stained glass windows slowly fading to mark the end of day, even as we were only beginning. The readings were long and somehow, so much more meaningful tonight than they have ever been in my life. We were taken through Genesis, and I found myself silently mouthing the words of Creation, almost overwhelmed with a newfound understanding of God's love for man.

Each one of us there were created by God, for God; each one of us is created in the likeness and image of God; each one of us is there by virtue of God's command to Adam and Even to "go forth and multiply".

There, in the darkness, I wiped tears from my eyes, overwhelmed by gratitude.

This was my first Easter Vigil at my parish, and what a blessing to truly participate in such a degree in the liturgy. I couldn't stop smiling as I witnessed from my front-row seat, the baptism of several catechumans. The tears nearly overflowed as I observed their smiles, and Father, often very solomn, could not contain his own rejoicing.

When it was time, our row filed forward and we stood in front of the Church, candidates in front, sponsors in back, facing the people. After my candidate was Confirmed, she turned to witness her daughter right next to her - both were in tears and I stood back, blinking back my own. I'm sure we weren't the only ones.

I kept forgetting to count, but between candidates and catechumans, we had about 25; what a beautiful witness to us all.

They were so excited to receive the Body and Blood of Christ for the first time, and I had given a quick lesson to the two who had missed the rehearsal as to what to do. When the time came, they forgot, but that did not impact their joy in finally receiving the Lord.

All Heaven is rejoicing tonight, bringing the prayers of the new faithful to the altar in Heaven.

All the Earth is rejoicing tonight as we celebrate the bonds of death broken by Jesus Christ.

All of Heaven and Earth are rejoicing together in the union of Christ to His Bride, the Church.

And here, in humble Minnesota, the heart of one woman is rejoicing, in solidarity with so many others, having been witness and participant in one of the most beautiful and meaningful liturgies she has ever attended.

My prayers were answered; I asked to be crucified with Christ, I asked to die with Christ, and so he answered consistent with my state in life.

Tonight, I, and all who celebrate his Resurrection, rise again and are reborn.

In the Eastern Catholic Church, during the Easter season they greet each other with the following exchange:

HE IS RISEN!

Indeed, He is Risen!

And so I say to you all:

HE IS RISEN, INDEED, HE IS RISEN!

And I can't believe the joy.

Holy Week

Lent is drawing to a close - how fast it's gone this year! I'm almost sad to see it go, but of course, rejoicing in the celebration of Easter Sunday.

Tonight was our rehearsal with the RCIA catechumans and candidates. The cool thing is that, while I'm on the RCIA team, I was also asked to serve as a sponsor, so in a way, I get to really experience the "fullness of the Easter Vigil." My candidate was not there tonight, so I listened carefully to all instructions so that I can better assist her on Saturday, although it sounds like we'll run through it again before Mass starts.

I'm very excited. I've never been to the Easter Vigil at my parish, which is quite shocking to the other RCIA team members, and some of the candidates and sponsors. Here they assume I know what I'm doing because I'm a "teacher." Yeah...well....not in this regard!

In a way, though, I think this is an appropriate way to experience the Vigil; through the eyes of someone entering the Church. Yes, I'm already fully Catholic, but I get a front row seat (literally!), and I get to unite my butterflies with those of our new Catholics, really taking a few first steps of my own right along with them. This year has been like that for me; as they have learned, and I've stood up trying to teach them and share my faith with them, they have also shared themselves with all of us. And as a first-time teacher, let me tell you, this group has been incredible. They tolerated my flubs, they emathized with my nervousness, and they didn't throw things at me or groan the next time I stood up in front of them!

I think there's something about being new that relates to other newness. I don't think I can explain it in any other way.

Please keep our group in your prayers. They are enthused, maybe a bit nervous, and we are all joyful as we enter this,the most solomn and holy week of our year.

May God bless you all abundantly as we prepare our hearts for the Easter Triduum.

The Adulterous Woman

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Tomorrow I am the "prayer leader" for RCIA and thus it is my job to discuss next Sunday's scriptures. I've posted a few of my reflections in the past, but usually after the talk. I'm posting this one a little early, and I am covering only the Gospel. The readings for this Sunday are Cycle C and can be found at the USCCB website. (linked)
*


We really haven’t done a lot to address moral theology, the foundation of which is human dignity, and I think this Gospel does a lot to help us break into that a little bit. We can easily place ourselves in this woman’s position and through that, come to see who Jesus is and what he does for each and every one of us, and that is not just to give us life, but to restore our dignity which is compromised by our fallen nature.

Human dignity is a very misunderstood term; there’s a great number of wishy-washy terms out there that I certainly would not want applied to me. If you read some of them you’d agree. (The Wickipedia definition is especially bad).

All of us have inherent dignity by virtue of the fact that we are created in God’s image and likeness, and we are the only creatures He created entirely for Himself. We are adopted sons and daughters of God, created especially for eternal union with Him. God also gave us free will which is the foundation of dignity, and he will not contradict our dignity by interfering with our free will, but rather, speaks to us through our conscience so that we can turn from our sin and willingly return to His grace. Conscience must therefore be formed, and this takes a lifetime, but it also is an integral part of both our freedom and dignity; we are the only creation of God that has the ability to consciously and willfully overcome our compulsions and propensities in order to choose the good (God), over evil.

When we sin, we reject God's love. Sin can be defined as both a rejection of God's love and an abuse of freedom. God wants to restore us to our original dignity that we had prior to the fall from grace, but he cannot contradict himself or compromise our free will by forcing us to do anything. He will not take control of us; he will only invite and allow us to accept or decline his invitation.

We have to understand that God is love, and the union He desires to have with us involves a true definition of love, which is self-effacing, completely giving, holding nothing back. When we sin, we are rejecting God’s love and we are abusing our free will. God gave us the ability to overcome our willful rejection and cooperate in the restoration of our unity with him. This is true dignity.

In this Gospel, the Pharisees are dragging the adulterous woman to Jesus, claiming they caught her in the act of adultery and by law she must be stoned to death. But we see by their actions that she is just a pawn and her life means nothing to them; they are using her as an object in order to try to trap Jesus. Note the fact that the other party in her sin is not there; the Pharisees are citing the Law of Moses in their little game, but the Law of Moses called for both parties in adultery to be stoned.

Jesus bends down and writes on the ground. This is the only time in the Bible where Jesus wrote anything and it doesn’t say what he wrote. I learned from Father the other day that some traditions have indicated that Jesus was writing down the sins of those who were standing there, but there’s something more to the act for those with the eyes to see - if any of them did. The very finger Jesus was using to write in the dirt was the very same finger that wrote the Commandments - the Law of Moses -on the stone tablets!

Each one of the accusers leaves, so the woman is left alone with Jesus, and he does not condemn her.

Pay attention to this because it’s very revealing; what did Jesus do? What was he doing throughout this story?

He stood between the woman and death.

He defended her from what had been termed “just judgment” under the Law of Moses. He offered her MERCY.

This woman, in her commission of adultery, was rejecting God’s love and was doing what so many people do today; they seek false love from pleasures of this world which only lead to death. The woman is dragged, without her co-sinner, to be used only as a pawn. By the time she gets to Jesus, she is already aware she is condemned; she knows the Law. She has no dignity left and no one even recognizes the value of her life.

Jesus intervenes, and through him, she is saved, her dignity restored; in part. But Jesus shows us something more; she has a part to play, too. She has to cooperate by accepting God’s love and returning it; and she can do this through the simple admonition given to her: Go and do not sin anymore.

In other words, if she is going to accept God’s love, she has to recognize her sin for what it is and instead of embracing what only leads to death, she must recognize her inherent dignity, overcome what pulls her down, and accept the hand of Jesus which will lead her only to life.

We are all in that place; we all have to recognize the dignity that God gave us, recognize ourselves in the adulterous woman, and recognize who stands between us and death. Jesus is calling all of us to come to him, to overcome our abuses and misunderstanding of freedom, and to accept his love by returning it fully. We can only do that if we are willing to reject those things that pull us away from God. He will help us overcome everything if we will only allow him to do so and take his words to heart;

Go, and do not sin anymore.

Worship Faux Pas

You people have GOT to check out Ironic Catholic's advice to...well, all Catholics.

Tuesday, February 06, 2007
Worship Faux Pas And How To Avoid Them
Dear RCIA candidates,

We know you RCIA candidates are learning all kinds of important doctrine. But there are the "little things" about Catholic worship you don't want to ask out loud, aren't there? Yes, yes, we know. We are here to help. We hope this list helps you in your journey to reception in the Catholic Church this Easter.

1. If you have your cell phone on, changing the ring tone to "Joyful, Joyful We Adore Thee" for Mass time doesn't cut it.

2. Invading the personal space of other members of the Body of Christ: Be sure to space yourself the exact same distance from the other parishioners as they do themselves. Observe carefully; this is a skill intuited after years of practice.

3. If you bring Cheerios to pacify your toddler, bring enough for the kids in the pew behind you as well.

4. If you come to Mass tired, don't slump disrespectfully. Depend on the skills that got you through high school. At least hold your head in your hands in such a way that you look reverential.

5. If you are able-bodied, the reverential bow at the reception of the Eucharist shouldn't be confused for a body twitch.

6. When the collection basket comes around, never use the collected money to break change for your $100 bill.

7. Kneeling etiquette: once done, sit back S L O W L Y to avoid slamming your back into someone's folded hands.

8. Yes, the Holy Eucharist is a participation in the Heavenly liturgy, as we transcend time and space, singing with angels and saints. Ergo, it is politic not to look bored. However, if you are too enthusiastic, remember you will be accused of Pentecostalism. You are hereby challenged.

9. The crying room is a space of shared suffering, to be sure. But social networking crosses the line.

10. When all else fails, remember the secret Catholic motto: "I can sing quieter than you can sing."



Ironic directs the comments to RCIA candidates, but I have to say, there are quite a few cradle Catholics I know of who could benefit from the wisdom in this post.

Now, go check out her post, add your own "recommendations" and then follow the link to Curt Jester as he has his own additions!

The Fullness of the Cake...uh...Faith

Tonight at RCIA, some people expressed discomfort with the idea that the Catholic faith was the "one true faith", feeling that it's almost elitist. It's an understandable feeling, especially given our culture of relativism. "What's true and good for you is not true and good for me." This idea has so pervaded everything that people are afraid to stand up and speak the simple truth for fear someone might disagree and call them a fascist.

As our discussion continued on from that general topic onto other paths, a thought came to me, and I wondered how to bring it up again, because their concern about the idea of "elitism" really hadn't been answered. Yet is is an honest concern, and deserves an honest answer.

One woman brought it up again, providing the opening for me to interject what had come to me as our topic of conversation had moved on.

Let's say I have this wonderful, glorious cake. It's huge, it's your favorite kind, it's made completely from scratch, no mixes, and I walk right up to you and offer this cake to you. The entire thing. Not because you merit the cake in any way, but "just because." Because you deserve to have a huge cake like this one, with ALL the trimmings, made from scratch.

So say you accept this wonderous cake. Do you just dig into it? Maybe, but more likely you realize that this is meant to be shared, and you'll enjoy it more if you share it, because it's fun to explore something with others who share the same enthusiasm. You see that there are other cakes around, similar to this one, and they are indeed cake, but they don't have the same quality in the cake you have. So you offer to share pieces of your cake with the others who also like cake.

Having this cake doesn't make YOU any better; you are simply the person it was given to, and you accepted it as a gift. And because it's so wonderful and wholesome, you are excited to share it even with those who might already have some cake, because yours has the whole package. They are free to refuse, and you are not offended if they do because you recognize them as fans of cake, so together you simply enjoy your different choice of cakes. We all have to respect the decisions of others, even when we know we have a better product.

But who's to say that the friend doesn't later come back and ask for some of your cake? Who's to say that your friend doesn't get tired of the dried out frozen version processed in a lab somewhere, and come hunting for the real thing?

Keep in mind this entire time; the cake was a free gift to you. You did nothing to merit it, and having ownership of the glorious cake doesn't make you better than anyone else. The CAKE is better, the quality is better than the other cakes, but maybe some people don't like the flavor you have, or maybe they don't want the frosting, or maybe they think they're allergic to some of the contents they think are inside the cake. Maybe they like cookies are are fundamentally suspicious of cake because they were raised without it and told it would only lead to health problems.

Each one of us is offered the gift of cake....uh...faith. Each one of us in the Catholic Church has been called by God to join the Church, to find the fullness of this wonderous gift. And we are called to share it, even with others who might enjoy a different type of cake...or faith.

We don't warrant the gift we have been handed, but we don't look down on those who perhaps don't share our belief that our gift, our Faith, is the corrrect one, the fullness with EVERYTHING. Maybe they prefer Sara Lee, and maybe they're comfortable with that. Let them be; love them because they still love cake, too. They share our passion for the cake...um...faith, that is. Let God call them, and focus on the gifts God is giving YOU, focus on where God is leading YOU, and just be open to sharing that gift with others.

We can recognize the truth for ourselves, but we also have to understand that our interior recognition doesn't come from us; it comes from God, and He has a plan. Just be careful, in your recognition of what the Catholic Church is, to not submit to spiritual pride. It is humility to recognize and speak the truth, but this can be done without giving in to the sin of pride, whioh would be like saying, "I'm better than you because I have a bigger cake and mine is made from scratch!".

Sure, it's a better cake...and it's ok to recognize quality. It's proper to admit that the Catholic Church has the fullness of the Christian faith. But it is not proper to suggest that others are less holy and have less merit because they happen to be enjoying the particular kind of cake they were given.

God has a plan for each and every one of us. In the Catholic Church, we have the ENTIRE cake made from scratch, that is, instituted by Jesus Christ himself. There are no artificial ingredients. The frosting is real frosting, and the cake is real cake. It's not frozen, it's not Betty Crocker or Sara Lee, and from the advent of cake to the end of time, there will ALWAYS be cakes made from fresh ingredients, not processed powder. Just as the Catholic Church has endured for 2,000 years, the teachings of faith and morals consistent in spite of the constant pressures of the world, internal and external, to change those teachings.

Other religions, other "cakes" have come and gone, some having more influence than others. But if you look throughout history, they have splintered, many are spintering now...and thus they will crumble like all the others. But the Catholic Church endures and will continue to endure, for the Lord put the seal of the Holy Spirit upon her, and called us to share in that annointing. To follow Jesus to the end of time, from the very beginning.

It IS proper to admit that the Catholic Church is the one true faith, but we have to remember other Christian faiths share many of the same fundamental elements; the belief in the Trinity, life after death, that Jesus Christ is our Lord and Savior, and we share our love of being Christians.

Yet I still offer this disclaimer; while I love my friends of Protestant faiths, and I respect that they have chosen to follow X faith, or enjoy X type of processed cake, I also will not budge in my knowledge that the Catholic Church is the One, Holy Apostolic faith and I want to share this wonderful gift with EVERYONE.

And further disclaimer; although I am Catholic,it does not make me holier than anyone else. I know many Protestants, whom I believe to be far holier than I. My only desire for them is to find the wealth the Church has to offer them and to one day stand weeping as they are recieved into the fold.

We all have a choice, we all have God-given free will. For myself...I thank God every day for offering me this glorious cake, for it has brought me to the foot of the cross and into the embrace of Jesus.

Now...who wants a slice? I've got forks to spare, and ice-cream on the side!

God bless you!

Flying by the seat of my pants and the flames of the Holy Spirit

I gave my talk tonight on Catholic Customs and Sacramentals...and learned when I got there that I DID have to discuss "Our Identity as Prophets" as well. That was right when class started. And since I wasn't the prayer reader, I asked the Holy Spirit what I should say? I was ready for the other stuff, had my props, and even recieved a third class relic in the mail today from a dear friend!

So I wrote down the thoughts that came to me, and went up in front of the class with my notes, all the sacramentals I'd brought already laid out.

I told them that I had only a few thoughts on the topic of our identity as prophets, calling upon the Bible to give us a snapshot of what a prophet is:

* The prophets spoke with the authority of God to warn of their current status of having fallen away from God, calling them to repentence and back to God. They listed the consequences of not following God's laws...and when the people did not listen, God responded just as he had warned.

* The prophet does not act on his own; he acts as God directs, is an instrument of God.

* There are prophets among us, such as Fulton Sheen. I described how he had this amazing ability to completely size up the culture, what they were facing...and his words are still so relevant TODAY!

* We are also called to stand firmly grounded in our faith, and size up the world and where it is taking us; is it taking us away from God or toward it? If we are talking about God and how to live, and we immediately go out and do the opposite, then we are not prophets. Prophets had to stand against the culture, just as we are called to do, and thus lead by example.


Every night before I have to speak, I go to the Adoration Chapel to offer my efforts, asking that God be glorified through my weakness. Even though I had prepared for tonight, the topic was huge and admittedly, organization is not my forte'. And even with my notes in front of me, I skipped around during my talk, having offered it to God; knowing that even with what I knew, I was not up to the task.

I don't actually feel like I did a very good job tonight, but at the same time, I also let the "conversation" be lead by the Holy Spirit, and most of the information was covered. We ended right on time. I provided some resources to everyone so that they could go online and look up the information they wanted to know more about.

Primarily, I recommend the following sites for people seeking to know more about our Catholic culture and devotions:

www.catholic.com
www.catholicculture.org

and with reservations:

www.fisheaters.com

This last one is a great site, however, the owner is an ultra-trad Cath. They do not recognize the Novus Ordo as being valid, nor do they recognize Vatican II. I did caution the class about that and gave some info on the SSPX, then told them which link to click for the best info. Fisheaters has a great section on Catholic devotions with really incredible articles, explanations, etc., and I did use this for many of my explanations and research. They are linked to my favorites, but to anyone who goes to this site; the section for those converting to the faith are going to meet the vitriol of the mislead in schism.

There are so many great websites out there, so many resources! So thank God these poor people didn't have to rely completely on my explanations for anything!


UPDATE:  May 26, 2010.

Every so often randon anon commenters flame me and accuse me of all sorts of really fun sins such as calumny and detraction because of my criticism of fisheaters.com.  I stand by what I said; after all, Catholic Culture.org also has reservations for the same reasons and more. Click here for their most recent review of the site.

Catholic Customs and Sacramentals - A Call for Questions!

I realize this is a very dangerous post, but I'm going to do it anyway.

I would like some "audience participation", especially that of Catholic Converts.

Next Wednesday, I am providing the catechesis on Catholic Customs and Sacramentals.

I will be covering some obvious things: the Rosary, the Scapular, Statues, Icons, Holy Cards, blessed objects, etc. What, specifically, do people want to know about these things and any of our common customs?

But I need to hear from people who have sat through RCIA, who may not be Catholic but have specific questions about our customs and observations, or even Catholics who suddenly realized that they have NO IDEA why we do certain things.

PLEASE post your questions or, if you feel more comfortable, e-mail them to me.

Please also, if you have a blog, link this post so that those who have questions that fall into these categories may have an opportunity to find the explanation they need.

I promise, to the best of my ability, to answer all questions consistently with official Catholic teaching.

The Body of Christ and the Gifts we are Given

The second reading for this upcoming Sunday is from the First Letter of Paul to the Corinthians. You may find all of the readings on the USCCB website.

3 There are different kinds of spiritual gifts but the same Spirit;
5 there are different forms of service but the same Lord;
6 there are different workings but the same God who produces all of them in everyone. 7 To each individual the manifestation of the Spirit is given for some benefit. 8 To one is given through the Spirit the expression of wisdom; to another the expression of knowledge according to the same Spirit;
9 to another faith by the same Spirit; to another gifts of healing by the one Spirit
10 to another mighty deeds; to another prophecy; to another discernment of spirits; to another varieties of tongues; to another interpretation of tongues. 11 But one and the same Spirit produces all of these, distributing them individually to each person as he wishes. 12 As a body is one though it has many parts, and all the parts of the body, though many, are one body, so also Christ.
13 For in one Spirit we were all baptized into one body, whether Jews or Greeks, slaves or free persons, and we were all given to drink of one Spirit.
14 Now the body is not a single part, but many.


The reading is much longer, but this is the part which summarizes my post for tonight. The reading is about the Church as the Body of Christ; we all have a role to fulfill and gifts to be used in order to fulfill that divine call.

Tonight, I spoke to the RCIA class about these readings, and encouraged them to discern which gifts they are called to share. I also pointed out that God rewards small efforts, and has a way of drawing us in to offering something more. He even has a way of doing this such that we don't necessarily recognize how far we are following His call.

As an example, I briefly shared my experience in High School, for at that time, I was called to Music Ministry. This started out very simply; it was just playing my flute at a couple of Christmas programs. A few years later, as I got better, I was asked to play with the Adult Choir on occasion. Then a youth choir formed, and I both sang and played my flute there. As there were not many young people involved in my parish, the youth choir fizzled out, so I ended up joining the Adult Choir.

At first, I was there mainly as musical support, but I sang, too, learned the music, and eventually, I became a full-fledged member of the choir. But also, because I was a musician and had become fairly accomplished, I was asked to assist the cantors, both with my flute and my voice.

For myself, I enjoyed the involvement, the feeling of being needed in some way, and the fact that the ministry I was engaged in really made this parish my family.

And still, God drew me ever deeper. One Christmas morning, I was scheduled to play my flute at the 8:30 am Mass, and to sing with the Cantor. At one point, the Cantor, who was also the Music Director, thrust the songbook into my hands, ordered me to "Sing this!" and she left to go assist another ministry that needed some immediate assistance.

I was left standing in front of the mike, in front of the huge Christmas crowd, having never sung solo by myself. But I did my best and since it was a song everyone knew, (What Child is This) I don't think they heard my bad note!

After that, they began putting me on the Cantor schedule, first as a sub, then as a regular Cantor. I began singing almost every weekend, and if a soloist was needed with the choir on special occasions, I was often the person asked to solo.

My life was music, and I had aspirations of becoming a professional flautist, maybe even a singer.

Tonight, when I spoke to the class, I spoke of the blessings of becoming involved, of God's gracious benevolence, how He draws us in and rewards our efforts. I spoke of how the parish really became my family, and at that time in my life, while I didn't realize it then, I really needed that parish family. So through our community, the Body of Christ, the Lord gives us what we need. Had I not taken those small initial steps, God would not have been able to give me the wonderful graces He provided during those years.

But I did not share with them the "dark side" of this experience. Father happened to be at RCIA tonight because he was the catechist, and when he began, he told the class that I had just revealed something to him that he did not previously know...that I can sing! And our parish needs Cantors! I told him (and the class) that I don't sing anymore.

Father replied, "We'll talk later."

He did approach me later, and I told him that I don't sing anymore.

He asked, "Don't...or can't?"

I didn't look him in the eye when I replied, only said, "...Maybe a little of both." I told him I'd answer his question later.

Thank God "later" didn't come tonight, although at some point he may ask again.

This issue tears at me, because there IS a reason I don't sing anymore. Maybe I need spiritual direction to sort through it, or maybe God is going to ask me to do this again.

Certainly I do not have the voice I once had, but I think, with training, it would come back. I used to have an amazing range, and I know I can "project". I still remember how to use the diaphragm...that's something I learned from playing the flute, piccolo, and trumpet. So maybe what I consider lacking in my voice can be resurrected for God's glory.

And that's where the spiritual issue comes in; Pride.

Yup. The Bane of my existance, the weight of my spiritual life, the obstacle that (in part) holds me back from holiness.

When I first began to play my flute, I was encouraged to play in front of others, and this was necessary; after all, it's a performance art! I've always been able to sing, but I was a shy child and only sang in front of my parents, otherwise, in classes, I would barely open my mouth. I don't know why, but singing was always hard for me. But the flute was different, because all I was doing was providing the air...the instrument provided the sound. And because I was reading music, I could focus on that and not the audience.

In short, for a shy child, playing a musical instrument is GREAT therapy.

But there is such a thing as going too far.

My entrance into church music ministry came on Christmas, when I played a solo of "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen". This was a song that was allowed prior to the advent of complete secularization and "PC" anti-Christian lawsuits, so it was music I learned in my public elementary school. My first experience was actually very humbling...I wasn't nervous until I saw how full the church was that evening, and then as I raised my flute to play, I was it with the most acute stage fright that sucked the wind right out of my lungs! I began shaking and sweating, somehow made it through the song...but my church didn't give up on me.

They asked me back the following year. I learned that what I had to do was focus on this as a "performance" and be a "professional". But in their encouragement of me, inadvertently, people were feeding my pride. Initially, that was a good thing; I really needed a legitimate boost to my self-esteem, and I did practice very hard. I wanted to be good, and as my Mom didn't have money for private lessons, I had to work hard on my own and absorb what I was taught by my teachers.

Over time, my attitude of "performance" also leaked into singing, and as I learned that I actually had a voice, and that people liked it, again my pride was being fed. I overcame my shyness by thinking of "professionalism in performance", and so even though I was singing, in theory, to serve God, I saw each Mass as a "performance".

It was all about me and what I could do...be it playing my flute, or singing with the choir, or soloing, or cantoring.

Sometimes I realized I was serving the Church, and considered that Jesus was present, but really I didn't understand the "Real Presence", that Jesus really WAS present.

I am actually very ashamed now when I think back to those very prideful years.

My pride does not take away from the fact that I did provide a service to the parish, and there is some humility there also when I realize maybe WHY I was there, for certainly, I was called.

So another small point; we are all called to share our gifts...but that does not mean we need to be morally bankrupt to do so. Our gifts should be offered in a spirit of service; not a spirit of "look what I can do!"

Some of this can be attributed to my youth, to maybe overcompensating for my very real shyness. Maybe some solid, gentle teachings of the virtues during that time would have taken the edge off of Pride.

But I have to face it now; I was a monster.

No, I wasn't a "Diva", but I KNEW I was good, and that made me feel somewhat powerful. And since I was the youngest member of the choir, this just fed into the entire thing. My Pride was all internal; I don't know that anyone else realized how I truly felt. I'm quite certain that if they did, someone would have guided my head out of the clouds in a hurry.

But there's more to the story, for God works in mysterious ways.

Throughout those years, Jr. High through High School, my family life was extremely chaotic. We were on welfare, Mom was suffering from her Bipolar illness in extreme ways, and I went to bed in tears nearly every night. Not only did my involvement with the choir and music get me out of that terrible house, but it provided me a safe haven, other wonderful people, a few of whom had an inkling and learned more of our situation over the years.

No one ever treated me like a "charity case", although they did provide a gift of payment for flute lessons. They knew Mom couldn't afford it and they wanted to help. They were welcoming, they were sincere, and...well...they were family.

Thank God for them.

At the end of Jr. High, I nearly committed suicide. In October 2006 I wrote about this. I realize now that, keeping in mind that Jesus was present in the Tabernacle, He called me not only because he wanted me to share the gift I was given, but also to keep me close to Him. I was always at the Church. Whether I recognized him or not, Jesus was RIGHT THERE!

And each night, ironically, I would go home and beg for Jesus to answer my prayers, all the while He was dousing me with the grace of His very presence!

So in the darkest years of my life, Jesus was there, and I did not seek Him out...it was He who called me to Him, my Pride and all.

So why won't I sing now?

Because I have come to recognize Jesus, and have not really "felt" called to Music Ministry at this time. I have told the Lord that if He calls, I will answer, but I will not seek this ministry out...I need a solid invitation. I need to be almost ORDERED to sing again. Because of my Pride.

Right now, when I go to Mass, I love just absorbing it, not worrying about my next song, not worrying about doing the right thing at the right time...because if I stand a little early or late, the motion is absorbed. No one cares. And thus I can focus on what is happening, and focus on "praying" the Mass. I'm still not perfect at this, suffer from amazing distractions, but since I don't have to lead singing, I can try to overcome these temptations. And believe me...people need people around them who can sing.

Yet, tonight, I revealed a talent I used to have, and I know our parish has a need. So I feel guilty at remaining silent on this issue for so long, but what of my Pride? That monster is still around, and I fear that if I become a singer again, that I will too easily slip into that old role and turn what should be worship into a "performance".

I have not told Father all of this, if it comes up, he'll get the abridged version. But for now, I, like Mary, am "pondering this in my heart", and waiting for God to let me know what I should do.

I'm not sure this is something I can discern alone, because it involves the community. What one member of the Body of Christ does or does not do affects us all, so I have to ask: Was Father's comment and inquiry tonight a true call or is God asking me to consider taking that step again? This time as an adult with more understanding, with more knowledge...and with a lesser ability than before. For now, there is some humility to ground me as I will never be "the best" again.

And there is Pride again...because a part of me still wants to be "the best".

Do Whatever He Tells You

We open this year, 2007 in honor of Mary; today we celebrate the Solemnity of Mary and Father's homily was the third time someone had told me to consecrate myself to Mary this year. And so this blog is likewise consecrated to Mary, for I seek, as a child, to take her hand and I ask her to lead me to Jesus and help me to understand who He is.

It is fitting, then, that I discuss a reading, not from today, but one that is very near and dear to my heart. I actually thought I had written on this topic last summer, so imagine my surprise upon my review of posts to learn that I had not!

On January 14, the Gospel is the Wedding at Cana, which is one of the two pillars upon which the Gospel of John rests. The other pillar, of course, is the Passion. It may seem premature to discuss these readings so far in advance, but as the layers of this Gospel message are so deep, perhaps it's best that we all spend some time meditating upon them and use the two weeks to consider not just this text alone, but the total context that leads us in to the mystery Jesus has revealed to us through scripture, and the role that Mary fulfills by virtue of the very fiat she gave in obedience and love.

You may read the full text of readings here.


Jn 2:1-11

There was a wedding at Cana in Galilee,
and the mother of Jesus was there.
Jesus and his disciples were also invited to the wedding.
When the wine ran short,
the mother of Jesus said to him,
“They have no wine.”
And Jesus said to her,
“Woman, how does your concern affect me?
My hour has not yet come.”
His mother said to the servers,
“Do whatever he tells you.”
Now there were six stone water jars there for Jewish ceremonial washings,
each holding twenty to thirty gallons.
Jesus told the them,
“Fill the jars with water.”
So they filled them to the brim.
Then he told them,
“Draw some out now and take it to the headwaiter.”
So they took it.
And when the headwaiter tasted the water that had become wine,
without knowing where it came from
-. although the servers who had drawn the water knew -.,
the headwaiter called the bridegroom and said to him,
“Everyone serves good wine first,
and then when people have drunk freely, an inferior one;
but you have kept the good wine until now.”
Jesus did this as the beginning of his signs at Cana in Galilee
and so revealed his glory,
and his disciples began to believe in him.


I would advise you first to open your own Bibles and take a look at the timing of this particular text; the Wedding begins "on the third day". Keep this in mind as you read and meditate upon this, the first miracle performed by Jesus. I will come back to this theme.

As the Gospel opens, it says that there was a marriage in Galilee, and MARY was there. Almost as an afterthought, "so were Jesus and his disciples". If we take a closer look at this, we realize that it was Mary who had been invited, and Jesus, as her son, and his disciples were there only because SHE was. It almost seems strange that this reading would open with the fact that Mary seems to be the main character here, taking a more important role than Jesus. It was SHE who was at the wedding and John is telling us something about her through this; it seems that perhaps she was a person of standing in her community, and her son was only that; her son. Thus he and his friends were certainly welcome as well. What this teaches us is that Jesus this there becase Mary is there; and thus, in our own lives, if we go to Mary, we also go to Jesus for he wants to be wherever she is.

Then the wine failed. We don't know through this text whether the hosts of the party were even aware of the problem, but clearly MARY was aware and through her maternal instinct, she must have sought to help the new couple avoid embarassment. During that time in history, a wedding was a major event, more on par with our annual town festivals versus the one-night soirees weddings are today. And also in that time, a wedding involved the entire town, so great quantities were needed so sustain the celebration for that entire week. The fact that the wine ran out could have been quite the disaster, but Mary, recognizing the problem, did not go to the hosts or to the steward (headwaiter); rather, she went to Jesus, knowing that somehow, he could fix this.

Mary went to Jesus and told him, "They have no wine."

Jesus responded to her, "O Woman, what has this to do with me? My hour has not yet come." (Plese note I took this rendering from the Ignatious RSV-CE).

Doesn't this seem to be such a rude thing to say to one's mother? Yet in that time, the term "Woman" or "Man" were commonplace, although I'm not certain that it was a term normally used between mother and son. In this context, Jesus is not being rude; he is pointing to Mary's role in salvation history; that of the new Eve. Turn to Genesis, where we see that Eve was termed "Woman". Jesus is using this term for his mother as a clue to all of us regarding the role she fulfills. And far from being a rebuff, Jesus' question, "What has this to do with me?" is really an invitation to penetrate more deeply the mystery of who He is. He is not telling her to go away; his words are a simple question, inviting a response. And then He tells her, "My hour has not yet come."

(Where else in the Gospel of John do we see the reference to "my hour"? In the Passion; Jesus's "hour" was his death on the cross.)

And Mary, like a good mother, ignores the apparent rebuff; remember that Mary knew her son and understood what we do not, so she responded to him by rising, by invitation, to the next level.

She turned her attention from Jesus to the servants and directed them: "Do whatever he tells you."

And in all scripture, this is the LAST time that Mary speaks. Although she appears at the foot of the cross, and although she has important actions to fulfill, she never speaks again. So take a good, long, look at this one line, and remember Mary's testament to us all: "Do whatever he tells you."

Now remember: Jesus is a good Jewish son, and will not leave his mother hanging. He was raised to be obedient to his mother, and so he was. He immediately turned to the servants and directed them to fill the six stone jars with water. As scripture tells us, these jars were used for rites of purfication which are detailed in the Old Law, the Law of Moses, each holding twenty to thirty gallons. This is a great deal of water, and by this context, we can only surmise that the jars were empty at the time.

So let's take a step back and consider what these jars represent. Consider their purpose; the ablutions detailed in the Law of Moses, in the Old Testament. This, again, is symbolic; it is pointing to the mystery of the fulfillment of Messaianic prophecy. Remember that the Old Testament is fulfilled in the New, and that this was Jesus' first miracle. How fitting that he chooses to use a symbol of the Old Law, and purification. But we have to ask; can simple water in stone jars, likely wrought with sediment from the well, really purify? Remember that the chosen people continued to sin, continued to turn away from God throughout the Old Testament. And consider what happens with these jars. This is a symbol of what Jesus is going to do on the cross...transforming the Old Law into the New Life of the Gospel.

Look also at the symbol in the number of jars: There were six jars, which is the number of imperfection as represented in scripture. Seven is the number of perfection. See how close those numbers are! Jesus takes the number "six" and transforms it into something more, a symbol of the purification only HE can provide.

As we read on, the Gospel discusses how the servants immediately go to work in filling those six stone jars. They cannot simply run a hose to them, or run to a sink. During that time, they had to carry buckets out to the well, drop maybe a five or six-gallon bucket down into the well via a pulley system, fill it, raise the water, carry it to the jars, sloshing and stumbling all the way, and then repeat the process. This is a lot of work! But the servants did this without question because something told them that Jesus had a point in all this seemingly endless and pointless labor.

And the servants did not shirk their duty; they did not just fill the jars to some invisible and unspoken "fill line". No; they filled the jars TO THE BRIM!

When they had completed this task, Jesus told them to draw some out and take it to the steward of the feast, and when the steward tasted the wine, he called the bridegroom to him. The steward (or headwaiter, in this translation) says:

“Everyone serves good wine first,
and then when people have drunk freely, an inferior one;
but you have kept the good wine until now.”

There are several things to discuss here as well. Let's look first at the symbolism of the wine. What does it represent throughout scriptural context? Wine is a sign of abundance, of celebration, and joy. It is a sign of the Messaianic prophecies from the OT books of Joel and Amos. And wine is also a sign for us; it is a sign of the Eucharist, the birth of the Church. The wine of new life, the wine undergoing one final transition for our own salvation, that of the transformation into blood at the wedding feast of the Lamb.

If we go back in the Gospel reading, note the lack of wine, what is this telling us? It is a lack of joy, a lack of something. The use of water and the labor to bring the water, this is an important message for all times and seasons. Jesus uses the ordinary, and he wants to see our own labors, even when we do not understand his goal. Notice also that the Gospel NEVER says, "He changed water into wine.", but clearly, that is what He did, without notice. We don't know the moment of the miracle, much as we don't see those miraculous moments in our own lives. Yet we cannot deny that the miracle occurred. The laborers were the witnesses, and the steward gave the judgment, independent of one another; the miracle cannot be denied.

And the last point; the bridegroom. Notice that in this text, the bride and bridegroom are not named, and rather, it is Mary and Jesus who seem to be the main characters. Again, we have to go to the Old Testament to reveal what is happening here. God said to His people, "I will espouse you to me, betroth you to myself. The Lord shall be your husband."

Jesus is the bridegroom, and the Church is the bride. The Wedding at Caana is a foreshadowing of what is to happen; a revelation as to who Jesus is and what he will fulfill, and who Mary is, the role she fulfills. It is a prefiguration of the Wedding feast of the Lamb, a link from the Old Testament scriptures, revealed in the New.

We may ask what this Gospel has to do with us, but when we take some time to understand what is being said, and delve into the depths provided in this scrpture, we begin to understand that there is a lesson here for us all. It is both a rendering of Old Testament prophecies and a revelation of what is to come at Jesus' death on the cross. It leads us to a deeper understanding of the new life provided by Jesus out of the blood and water that poured from his side; the wine of new life. It is a prefiguration of the Lamb's Supper, in which the wine undergoes that final change; that of the blood of Christ, the Holy Eucharist.

Each one of us has the option to choose to read the Bible without any authority but our own, but perhaps it is wise to look back on the readings of the Church Fathers, and take the counsel of Origen, who told us to read the Gospel of John by taking Mary as our Mother and resting our heads upon Jesus' heart, thusly entering into the mystery. There is a great deal more to the Wedding at Cana; each verse alone would be enough for a single post, and perhaps one day I'll write a doctoral dissertation on only Mary's directive to us all: "Do whatever he tells you."

Mary is our Mother, and this is revealed through this Gospel; she was only a guest, and yet her maternal instinct covered everyone. And who are we, but guests at the wedding feast, transformed into the spouse of the bridegroom? And through this reading, we can be transformed, our hearts can be changed as we go deeper, penetrating the mystery of Jesus and Mary, understanding who we are through understanding as to who THEY are. Let us all take Mary as our Mother, and if we do as she directs, we may one day fully understand this mystical union of God and His Church. Mary is the representation of all of us before the throne of God; if we can only understand this one small detail, what God can do to take that small grain of faith and use it to transform our very souls!