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Wednesday, August 25, 2010

An Invitation to be Considered

Yesterday I received a letter in the mail.

It was from the Vocations Director of one of the communities I visited, giving me an update on the local Sisters, and I was happy to learn that a couple I met during my visit are now in the area!

But there was more.  Sister Vocations Director invited me, once again, to come out East to visit them, or, she offered, even better:

 "Enter as a Postulant on September 8!" 

"Something to pray about," she said with a ;-).

My knee-jerk reaction was to scoff. September 8! That's only a couple weeks away!  I have a house and I'm completely owned by my debt! Even if I COULD sell the house (right! Not in THIS market!) it would be of no help, for the negative equity is probably more than the house was ever worth.

So, of course, my initial reaction was to reject the entire idea out of hand.

But, I continued to think about it. What about the psychological entrants are required to make before entering a community?  How would Sister even know I would pass?   A friend of mine offered that some don't require the psychological; it becomes apparently very quickly if someone is not...uh....cut out for that way of life.

I also began to wonder if I was rejecting an experience of true Grace.  What if God WANTS me there on September 8?  Can't HE make things happen that quickly?

I've never been a Pollyanna, and have to admit that I have a hard time believing that anything like that could happen, especially to me. I don't deserve such a huge miracle, anyway.

Oh, right...none of us does. None of us merits ANYTHING, but Jesus suffered and died for us anyway, didn't He?  This is certainly much less than the ransom He paid for each of us. My current situation isn't even a speck of dust in God's eye.

So...ok, I'm praying about it. I'm considering it. I had not planned to apply to or enter this community as I am neither a nurse nor a teacher (seriously, I do NOT have the gifts and have no desire to be a teacher or a nurse, as I have written of before, in depth).  But it still comes down to: what does God want? Doesn't He know more about me than I do? Didn't He create me and call me into being from eternity to fulfill a particular purpose?


It seems that this door is not closed, and I have a very very direct invitation to walk through it.

Truly, if I could get rid of my house, my debt, my stuff, and find a home for my dog, I would go. After all, I have nothing to lose. My situation now can't really get much worse, and I'm on the verge of losing everything anyway. Such is life for anyone who works for the Church. Just ask around; we're all in this same boat.

I have nothing to lose by entering religious life, even with a community I would not have chosen for myself. Then again, I would not have chosen any of the communities I visited, and yet God sent me to them, and I'm GLAD He did, each and every one.  I'm also grateful for the doors He gently closed as He ushered me through discernment.

I have nothing to lose, but everything to gain, and everything to give. Obviously they see something in me to offer to their Community and to God, as "worthless" as I think I would be...there must be something.

So there it is; I must take this seriously and pray. As of yesterday, discernment is being kicked into overdrive with the shift of a single gear.

So....there? Out East?  Or one of the others I visited?

God will show the way. If out East, there is also a February entrance date. It wasn't listed in the letter from yesterday, but I know about it.

I believe that within the next year, I will be entering religious life at one of the communities I have already visited. I made the decision this summer to not visit any more; God has given me enough to consider and has closed further doors. He has made Himself clear in that regard. I'll be entering with the one that just invited me, or one of the others, if they will accept me.

OK, God....Thy Will be done.

I am the handmaid of the Lord; be it done unto me according to Thy Word.


Wayne said...

I'll add my prayers to yours. The world needs to see miracles like this. :)

Sal said...

And if not this community forever, it may open the way to your final destination as a religious.
Re-reading "A Right To Be Merry", in which Mother Francis herself spent two years as a postulant with another order before entering the Poor Clares.

Praying for you as you discern.

Adoro said...

Wayne ~ Well, miracles are what are needed, whether in the next couple weeks or the next few months! Has to be very big indeed! Thanks for prayers..

Sal ~ Yes, it's very common for someone to enter one community and realize it's not where they belong. However, one should not enter with the intention of leaving for something else. It really has to be like entering into marriage; one doesn't get engage to a "consolation prize".

My own motivations have to continue to be discerned.

Adoro said...

FYI ~ The above comment is Adoro...temporarily changed my name to see if I like it, decided I don't. So...this is Adoro! :-)

The Ironic Catholic said...

I will pray.

Fr. John Mary, ISJ said...

Hon, don't do it!
Wait upon the Lord; really.
If He wants you there, you'll know it.
Otherwise, just wait.

Fr. John Mary, ISJ said...

Sorry, I was being rather impulsive at my last comment.
Jesus wants doubt about it.
But let your "heart" lead you where you know He will be "there".
My prayers and blessing!

Adoro said...

Nazareth Priest ~ I am. I had to write this out so that I could read it, look it over, consider...and let it rest.

I don't think I belong there. As wonderful as those Sisters are, it's not home. I know that now and would know that under any circumstance upon entering.

But I can love them as "family" and appreciate them a great deal, and be grateful to them for all the help they have given me in my discernment.

Were it not for them, after all, I probably would not have come to visit you!

Londiniensis said...

Praying for you. "Not fare well, but fare forward, voyager ..."