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Thursday, May 20, 2010

If Confessions of St. Augustine Had Been Blogged

This is a repost from August 14, 2009. Because humor is important!

"Chapter 6 -The Anatomy of Evil

What was it that I, a wretch, loved in you, my act of theft, my deed of crime done by night, done in the sixteenth year of my age? You were not beautiful, for you were but an act of thievery. In truth, are you anything at all, that I may speak to you? The fruit we stole was beautiful, for it was your creation, O most beautiful of all beings, creator of all things, God the good, God the supreme good and my true good. Beautiful was the fruit, but it was not what my unhappy soul desired. I had an abundance of better pears, but those pears I gathered solely that I might steal. The fruit I gathered I threw away, devouring in it only iniquity, and that I rejoiced to enjoy. For if I put any of that fruit into my mouth, my sin was its seasoning. But now, O Lord my God, I seek out what was in that theft to give me delight, and lo, there is no lovliness in it. I do not say suh loveliness as there is in justice and prudence, or in man's mind, and memory, and senses, and virorous life, no that with which the stars are beautiful and glorious in their courses, or the land and the sea filled with their living kinds, which by new birhts replace those that die, nor even that flawed and shadowy beauty found in the vices that deceive us."

August, 397    Discourse and Rhetoric:

FancyMama: Oh, I think you're being way too hard on yourself. It was only a pear! God has already forgiven you! It's not like there weren't enough pears for that guy to share with you. I'm sure if you'd asked him for one he would have given it to you.

Elizabeth III: You have several missepelled words. 5th line from the bottom should be "loveliness", next line down, not sure. Do you mean "such"? Next line down I think you mean "vigorous". Then, in that same long sentence you need to correct "births". Actually, grammatically you've got a lot going on here. You should edit to make your sentences shorter and more understandable.

Manichean: I can't believe you did that! Don't you know that pears weep when they are plucked? And mother tree, what milky tears she must have shed! You should have given the pear to me so that I could have eaten it and breathed particles of God into the world from your sinful hand. You ought to know better, serves you right to feel so awful, but I don't understand your reasoning. And I thought we were buddies. Guess not.

Alypius: Aw, I did that when I was a kid, too, and felt really bad about it after I was baptized and realized that theft is a sin. Baptism changed my whole world. Prayers for you, my friend, and thanksgiving for your conversion.

Rotgut: This is so totally bogus! What the hell is wrong with you? There's no such thing as sin! Life is what you make it! CRAPE DIEUM DUDE!!!!!!!!! And what kind of a doofus are you to write about "loveliness"? What are you, gay?

Augustine: Thank you for your comments, everyone. I will respond to each in turn when I am able.

Elizabeth III, thank you, I'll make the corrections. Typing is a fairly new experience for me and I haven't quite gotten the hang of it yet!

Manichean, I'm starting a new blog to answer you and Pelagius.

Alypius, ironic name and story - you'll see. Thank you for your prayers. Praise the Lord our God for His wisdom, mercy and the grace of Baptism! Would that I had not caused my mother so many tears before I came to conversion!

I'd also like to remind you all not to feed the vermine for they tend to carry diseases.

WiseGuy: You should totally get a life coach to help you get over these issues. I think you're depressed. There's "Depression" written all OVER your blog. Please seek help. There are medications to help you.

Plotinus2: I agree with what everyone here has a certain degree, anyway. Thanks for this post. I really enjoy your blog and have been a faithful reader for awhile now. Keep up the good work!

RomanForum: Nice blog. You and your readers might be interested to know that we have hot chicks in togas and pears! Check us out at rrr.romanforum.rom

Wannabe: Rotgut, that is totally rude. Get a life, what do you live for, to just rip on everyone else? Hey, Manichaean, you tell him. picking that pear had awful consequences for mother tree, just like the fig tree. HEY! I just realized it's the same principle for both, right? All trees feel it when they're assaulted like that. Just the other day some guy I didn't know asked me for some food, but I actually had it for the saints as I was serving them, but I had to give the guy something. It was like...uh..condemned to hell for giving him the food meant for the saints and prophets. Sorry. Don't tell, ok?

Manichean: @Wannabe, I don't know which of you is worse...Augustine or you!

Illuminated: I don't get it. Augustine, what did you mean that "vices deceive us"?

JudasI: You shouldn't have thrown the fruit away. What a waste. It could have been given to the poor. Illuminated - Augustine doesn't know what he's talking about, don't worry about it.

Soulful: Oh, Augustine, this has to be my favorite post yet! I just LOVE how you address so much of this to God, and how you describe him! That's how I think of him, too!

Converted and Loved: I don't think you can call yourself a "wretch". After all, you've been redeemed, and baptized and all. God loves you! Don't ever forget that!

Manichean: @Augustine, I can't find the blog you cited. Can you email me the url? Or haven't you actually started it yet?

Watermuse: I see you got spammed. Nice. Guess they don't edit their victims. I'd love to see you take on the spammers. LOL

SFreud: I'd love to hear more about your mother, heard she was quite an influence in your life. Do you have any plans to discuss her here? If not, send me an email as I'd love to talk with you about her.


*** The quoted passage above is taken from John K. Ryan's translation, of Augustine's Confessions, Chapter 6, paragraph 12. *****


Hidden One said...

Oh boy.

Banshee said...

Heh. I resemble these remarks.

Actually, I guess I should have proved I learned something by not commenting.... :)

Adoro said...

Hidden One ~ Levity was needed. ;-)

Maureen ~ We ALL do! I'm poking fun at our culture, and us. I thank dear St. Augustine one of my patrons (see the quote in my sidebar) for allowing me to use him and his work for this purpose.

Patrice Egging said...

You are so clever and creative. This is very fun to read..!! Personalities of people I know were jumping at me as I read the remarks. I do hope you publish a book sometime.

Hidden One said...

Oh, don't get me wrong, Adoro. I enjoyed this post for its humour. It just got me thinking more seriously the results of the blogged Confessions... hence my "Oh boy."

Melody K said...


Melanie Bettinelli said...

Too funny! Next up: Augustine on twitter...?

Jen said...

Thanks! That was hysterical!

KeithW said...

I just recently completed Confessions and being new to blogs and the Catholic Church (RCIA in the fall) this is a most timely. Yes, creative, clever and humorous. Thanks!

Adoro said...

KeithW ~ Thanks for your comment. :-)

So...are you entering RCIA in the fall? That's wonderful! I hope and pray your parish has a good program that will really edify your soul!