Tonight was perhaps the weirdest night at work I've ever had...and that's saying something! Almost everything that can go wrong...did. (And I'm grateful that I'm saying "almost" and not "everything".) As I'll be out of town until next Tuesday, of course several issues arose tonight that cannot wait a week, and that means that I spent the evening, when I could, sending these messages of urgency to my DRE so that she can follow up in my absence.
But of course, just as I entered the office and sat down at my computer, someone else would be in the office looking for me for an entirely different problem. At one point, I was quite literally trying to juggle 5 different people and their needs at one time.
And I even now have a feeling that it isn't "over". I'm thankful to be safely home, and tomorrow, I leave for Cincinnati. And I find that there is yet another concern in need of prayer, for one of my friends whom I'm looking forward (hopefully) to seeing this weekend, also has had a rough evening: it seems that Fr. Schnippel's Grandfather is in his last hours. Please keep him and all his family in your prayers.
I've also come home to a message from my mother; a couple weeks ago, my uncle had a stroke which left him paralyzed on his left side. He does have the potential of recovery, however apparently today he fell and injured his ankle. My Mom didn't know if it was broken or not.
So it seems that today has been a bad one for many.
This evening, before everything began, I ended up not having time (or making time, more properly) to go to the chapel for Vespers and other prayers to offer for the evening. While I was in the midst of all of it, my frustration mounting, as once again, I sat at my computer to compose a "to do list" for my supervisor, once again I was called out to the front of the office as a catechist "had something for me".
"Right", I thought to myself. More work! Another weird issue! Something else I don't have the time to deal with...and already I was feeling overwhelmed at all the stuff hitting the proverbial fan.
Grumbling to myself, I stood up and said in a whiny tone, "I can ONLY do ONE thing at a time!" I wasn't seriously squealing at my catechist and was trying to use a joking tone, but I do think it fell flat.
And there was one of my Catechists with her class, holding one of their projects for the evening. As one of the boys handed a jeweled treasure chest to me, the Catechist said that they wanted to give me a gift in hopes that my load would be lightened, I'd have a better night, and I'd have a good trip.
As I held this gift in my hand, I was completely humbled; here I'd been grumbling and not even wanting to go out to where I was called to go, and even with my bad attitude, here was quite literally a treasure box. I thanked the children and exclaimed over the box, and upon opening it, found, pasted inside, the Guardian Angel prayer.
You may not think this was significant, but today, as I do most days, I asked my Guardian Angel for help in getting through the day, and for assistance in helping all the people who would come my way. And I'd also had a discussion with another Catechist about Guardian Angels.
And there, in what was maybe one of the darkest moments of the evening, I was handed a treasure chest containing that very prayer.
I can't help but think my Guardian Angel was involved, as were the Angels of the children who created this gift...children whose own Angels, we are told in scripture, are always in the Presence of and look upon the Face of God.
And I can't help but see the juxtaposition of my own Pride that had made me nearly disregard the gift and consolation God had waiting for me in spite of my grumbling.
You'd think that would have been the end of my attitude, though, wouldn't you? But no...then I started wondering at WHY everything was going so wrong. I knew I should have prayed Evening Prayer, but I hadn't. I could have...but didn't, thinking to do it "later". "Later" never came.
So there, in my office as I knelt on the floor to pick something up, instead I picked up my Liturgy of the Hours and prayed Vespers. The words were illuminating as I saw that, had I read them, I would have handled the evening better for they spoke to what we were going through. Then I began to blame myself....things were going badly because I hadn't prayed Vespers.
When I had a moment, while we were cleaning up, I ducked into the Church to pray for a moment, and that thought again crept into my head. But there was a gentle response from Our Lord, who asked me, "Do you think you have that much power? That your flimsy words of prayer would make the difference between those things happening or not?"
I knew He was right...prayer has power, and it CAN change things, but more often, it changes the way we handle trials that come our way. When we keep our eyes on Jesus, no matter what happens, we still suffer, but the way we handle that suffering is based upon the strength of Jesus.
Tonight, I was trying to get by on my own strength; had I taken time out to pray, I would likely have done a better job of leaning on Jesus to get me through the evening.
As we see, it wasn't just myself who had a difficult evening; Father's Grandfather (and thus that entire family), and my Uncle are undergoing far more difficult trials.
Don't ever give up on prayer; perhaps the mountains aren't what is meant to be moved: maybe it's ourselves. Maybe WE are the mountains.
*
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Monday, October 20, 2008
Prayer, Love, and the Cross
Have you ever noticed how those three terms are so inextricably linked that to remove one is akin to the destruction of the soul?
Prayer
In the Liturgy of the Hours, there is a letter from St. Augustine about prayer. He speaks of the need for prayer, even though our Lord and God already knows our needs, and simply wants us to "exercise our desires through our prayers, so that we may be able to receive what he is preparing to give us." He admonishes us to remember the words of St. Paul to "Pray without ceasing".
Prayer is a conversation with God, a dialogue, if you will, involving alternate periods of activity and silence. Or perhaps it consists of simple wordless companionship; for even those who cannot speak become friends in the depths of comfortable silence. Prayer is this, and more; it is a language that cannot be written, but is fueled by Love.
But what is Love?
In the Liturgy of the Hours, there is a letter from St. Augustine about prayer. He speaks of the need for prayer, even though our Lord and God already knows our needs, and simply wants us to "exercise our desires through our prayers, so that we may be able to receive what he is preparing to give us." He admonishes us to remember the words of St. Paul to "Pray without ceasing".
Prayer is a conversation with God, a dialogue, if you will, involving alternate periods of activity and silence. Or perhaps it consists of simple wordless companionship; for even those who cannot speak become friends in the depths of comfortable silence. Prayer is this, and more; it is a language that cannot be written, but is fueled by Love.
But what is Love?
Today we also celebrate the Feast of St. Paul of the Cross who gives us a definition that gives us true perspective:
"Love is a unifying virtue which takes upon itself the torments of its beloved lord. It is a fire reaching through to the inmost soul. It transform the lover into the one loved. More deeply, love intermigles grief..."
Is that not profound? He is clear; we cannot separate Love from the Cross. I know people who flee the image of Our Suffering Lord, and they flee suffering in their own lives, for it is as if they fear to face the cost of the love that frees them.
I can't say that I'm any different from any of them.
We all fear suffering; just yesterday, I was wondering if what I truly fear is love? Or could it be that I know that to give myself over to Love means that I will enter into the depths of suffering? Why is it that we cannot see that by embracing suffering we really are entring into the depths of Love?
"Love is a unifying virtue which takes upon itself the torments of its beloved lord. It is a fire reaching through to the inmost soul. It transform the lover into the one loved. More deeply, love intermigles grief..."
Is that not profound? He is clear; we cannot separate Love from the Cross. I know people who flee the image of Our Suffering Lord, and they flee suffering in their own lives, for it is as if they fear to face the cost of the love that frees them.
I can't say that I'm any different from any of them.
We all fear suffering; just yesterday, I was wondering if what I truly fear is love? Or could it be that I know that to give myself over to Love means that I will enter into the depths of suffering? Why is it that we cannot see that by embracing suffering we really are entring into the depths of Love?
The Cross
St. Paul of the Cross reveals to seeking souls the beauty in that suffering, the love waiting to embrace us. And I can't deny that when I look upon the Cross, I don't see something to flee; I see someone that draws me to Mercy, not just as a virtue but Mercy personified. I find myself wanting to catch every drop of that Precious Blood, to bind those terrible wounds, to weep upon the feet of the Savior who is raised up before me and draws me to Him. I know that I have been drenched in His Blood out of my own vile, willful actions, and all of that He gave me freely, without anger, without hesitation.
Because He found me worthy of redemption. He thought I was worth it. Even though it was my sins that placed him on the Cross, He called me out of eternity so that I could be forever in His Divine Embrace.
This recognition of Profound Love is life-changing: I want to reach out to Him and remove those awful thorns from his head, one by one if necessary, and even as I imagine such an act, I see, paradoxically, that were it not for those thorns I would not be in a position to desire mercy from Mercy Himself, nor would I have the opportunity to be pierced by those very same thorns and united to Him through our intermingled blood. It is His Mercy that draws us to Him, and through Love, prompts not just repentance, but mercy towards Our Lord! We cannot help but seek to console Him in His Passion, and in so doing, we cannot help but be drawn into the depths of His suffering.
It is only there that we can truly know Christ; and it is only through Him that we can truly know ourselves. And it is the gentle dialogue of prayer that binds us in a loving friendship that far exceeds any suffering that can ever fall upon our shoulders. Prayer is the first step; prayer leads us to Love, the Cross reveals that Love, and it is prayer that enables us to express through a myriad of ways, the Love we offer in return.
I'm not a theologian, so I can't advance this idea without some sort of fear, but it seems to me that Love, Prayer, and the Cross are both actions of and reflections of the Trinity. Or are they simply echoes of the Trinity that goes outward and then draws us back, in a current we cannot resist if we recognize where our Shores truly lie?
Recently I wrote a post about the images that have corrupted me, and I both entered into and willingly pursued that corruption. I lamented the images that I can't unsee, for they have changed me forever.
But there is something even MORE compelling than those vile, satanic memories that have been tattooed into my moral fibres; and that is the visage of the Suffering Servant, nailed to the Cross, bleeding out of His personal sacrifice. I can't know Jesus and what He did without His Blood being personal. Now that I can look upon the bloodiest of crucifixes and see the depths of Divine Love, I can't unsee what I've seen...and it has changed me forever.
I am still corrupted, and I give myself willingly to the corruption of sin, for I cannot seem to break those bonds and flee their very shadow. Yet I know that even as I bear the Blood of Our Savior upon my very hands, there is Hope, for my Love has been Crucified in my place, and THAT is a Love that breaks chains if I could only speak out to condemn them.
But Christ compels me not only to praise His very name, but to enter into deepest dialogue with Him, to return the Love that He has so willingly given me, and ultimately, to embrace the Cross of suffering so that I will know Him and Love Him for eternity.
Would that I could even come close to living up to my own words.
Sunday, October 19, 2008
LIVE! In CINCINATTI....it's MONDAY NIGHIT!
No, not tomorrow, but in a week, October 27th!
Although I've been compared to Gov. Palin, I don't look anything like her and won't be moose hunting in Ohio. Nor will I be stumping for votes. Nor have I ever been Miss Alaska or Miss Minnesota....hmm....the more I think about it, the less I seem like her!
So let's move on!
Rather, I'll be sitting next to (or at least in the general vicinity of) the local Priest Celebrity in Cincinnati, Fr. Kyle Schnippel, who is calling the first Called By Name Blognic!
The good Father gives the details on his blog:
Hmmm....did Fr. Schnippel just refer to me as a "friend"? I'm flattered! And can't wait to see who else will be there...
See you in a week!
Although I've been compared to Gov. Palin, I don't look anything like her and won't be moose hunting in Ohio. Nor will I be stumping for votes. Nor have I ever been Miss Alaska or Miss Minnesota....hmm....the more I think about it, the less I seem like her!
So let's move on!
Rather, I'll be sitting next to (or at least in the general vicinity of) the local Priest Celebrity in Cincinnati, Fr. Kyle Schnippel, who is calling the first Called By Name Blognic!
The good Father gives the details on his blog:
Next weekend, some friends will be in town, and heading back out on Tuesday, October 28. Hence, Monday evening, October 27th is open for the first Called by Name Blognic!
Details:
8:30 to 10:00 PM, location: Hoffbrauhaus Newport, across from Newport on the Levee. We'll be in the side dining room instead of the main beer hall. Come one and all!
Hmmm....did Fr. Schnippel just refer to me as a "friend"? I'm flattered! And can't wait to see who else will be there...
See you in a week!
What Does Ambition Seek?
Today in class our professor lectured on St. Augustine's Confessions, so throughout course of the day, my attention was drawn to certain passages. (whether they were a part of the lecture or not!) As often happens in class, I was struck several times by what he said and by the words that were in the text. And as usual, my mind went off to its own fields of observation.
It is this passage that defines my very state in life right now, and which, ironically (or not so ironically when one considers the mystery of God in one's life), came up yesterday in conversation with a friend.
A couple years ago I lamented that I was stuck; I was in a job I hated, a career that was going nowhere. When I'd begun I saw a career path in front of me, I "knew" where I was going, and was excited that my background was going to propel me into a very successful future. It wasn't a future I'd originally forseen for myself, but it was one that seemed to arise from God's Divine Providence. But over time, the job wore on me, roadblocks went up, and the "shiny future" no longer looked like something I wanted. In fact, I saw it for what it was, and realized that I would not find happiness there.
But I didn't want to go back to the careers of my background, and in any case, I'd shut the doors that would have lead back to them, for I'd realized that they weren't a source of happiness. In fact, they were quite literally dead ends. Unfortunately, my time in that job I had begun to hate, also effectively prevented my return to any possible routes, for I'd been out of my degree field and original areas of experience for too long; I had rendered myself obsolete.
I'd unknowingly comitted professional suicide.
I was stuck. I couldn't move forward, I couldn't move laterally, every day was making me realize that my future had an Axe in it and not a promotion, and basically...the only thing I really had was God.
That's how I met Him face-to-face, so to speak, I think. That's the crisis that drew me to Him; I didn't know who I was, where I was going, or who I was supposed to be. In fact, I was on my knees in what I saw as the ashes of my life, once again. But let's face it; that's the BEST way to learn who we are and where we really belong. That's what made me start asking the right questions, redefine "happiness" according to a proper standard, and subsequently understand that life isn't about what we do...it's about who we are called to be.
One of my biggest laments was that all through high school and college I'd been very DRIVEN towards my career goals. I knew what I'd come from and what I desperately was trying to escape, I knew what I wanted to do, I knew I had a future, and I thought I was in control of it. And sure enough, everything I touched turned to gold: doors opened, gates parted, and my dreams (really quite humble ones, if glorious in my eyes) were on the verge of being realized. And really, they WERE realized.
Unfortunately, they lost their sheen, and like the Prodigal Son, I, the Prodigal Daughter, found myself eating muck and begging for my bread.
It's been a repetetive pattern in my life, but it was the last manifestation that was finally definitive; each crash was really a new ascent. A new purification. Each disaster, I now see, was bringing me closer to God.
To be perfectly honest, while my goals were truly humble in this world as I did not desire fame or political power or anything like that, I WAS still ambitious, and that ambition was truly a way of seeking glory for myself. I wasn't doing anything for God or out of love for God; everything I did was centered upon myself and what I wanted and what I thought I needed.
In short, it was my quite unholy opinion that I thought the world revolved around me, and whenever it didn't, I became upset and demanded that such "injustice" should change.
No, I never truly realized that this was my position, and I never voiced such an idea; in fact, I abhored the thought! All of us realize, rationally, that the world does not revolve around us, but when we get to the depths of our wounded souls, we have to face the fact that, if we are not living in reference to the Sacrifice of the Cross, then we are living for ourselves. With that kind of flawed philosophy, the only truth is that we make ourselves the center of the world.
We will never find happiness if we define ourselves according to our own scales, for we can ONLY know ourselves through knowing others, and we can only discover who we are called to be if we are willing to embrace the Mystery of the Cross - and in fact, let the blood of the Cross be mingled with our own blood and sweat.
Yesterday, in speaking with a friend, I revealed to her that I still don't know my future. I'm no longer in the job that made me so miserable, but the position I'm in now is definitely not my "calling". I do recognize a certain Call in my co-workers, which they are fulfilling beautifully. They are enthusiastic and passionate, and God's hand is on them. Myself...I'm there, I'm taking up space, I'm doing the best I can and I'm learning a lot, but it's not my future. It's a waystation, another purification, but have no fear; it is developing virtues and skills I'd not have in any other way. And it's building relationships that draw me further out of myself, refusing to take me out of the shadow of the Cross. I'm at peace, knowing there's a reason for where I am, and I do truly love the people with whom I work and those I am serving.
A New Future?
I don't see a future for myself, not when I consider my life according to career or material, worldly goals. "Future" is a word that's not really in my vocabulary anymore, for it's an irrelevant term. In fact, when it comes to my material future, I "foresee" disaster only. But it doesn't matter. God has taught me how to re-define my priorities, and even though I still battle with myself in self-love and glory-seeking ambition, it's not what defines me any more. My identity is no longer tied to what I do to pay my bills, but rather, it's in my identity in Christ.
I'm learning to live with reference to God, to know myself through loving others, and to look to the Cross for the answers of my deepest questions.
St. Augustine, one of my dearest and longest-suffering Patrons, really hit the nail on the head in the quote I used, and I love him even more for his honesty. His words still condemn me, but they also reveal, in hindsight, the spiritual journey my life has taken thus far, and remind me to continuously look to honor and glorify God in all things.
As long as we remember that, our own ambitions can be put into their proper place, in deference to God's own will, for He desires only our good, which cannot be separated from the good of the salvation of others.
It's a lesson I'd suffer again to learn...and probably will.
St. Augustine, pray for us!
"For pride imitates loftiness of mind, hwile you are the one God, highest above all things. What does ambition seek, except honor and glory, while you alone are to be honored above all else and are glorious forever?"
It is this passage that defines my very state in life right now, and which, ironically (or not so ironically when one considers the mystery of God in one's life), came up yesterday in conversation with a friend.
A couple years ago I lamented that I was stuck; I was in a job I hated, a career that was going nowhere. When I'd begun I saw a career path in front of me, I "knew" where I was going, and was excited that my background was going to propel me into a very successful future. It wasn't a future I'd originally forseen for myself, but it was one that seemed to arise from God's Divine Providence. But over time, the job wore on me, roadblocks went up, and the "shiny future" no longer looked like something I wanted. In fact, I saw it for what it was, and realized that I would not find happiness there.
But I didn't want to go back to the careers of my background, and in any case, I'd shut the doors that would have lead back to them, for I'd realized that they weren't a source of happiness. In fact, they were quite literally dead ends. Unfortunately, my time in that job I had begun to hate, also effectively prevented my return to any possible routes, for I'd been out of my degree field and original areas of experience for too long; I had rendered myself obsolete.
I'd unknowingly comitted professional suicide.
I was stuck. I couldn't move forward, I couldn't move laterally, every day was making me realize that my future had an Axe in it and not a promotion, and basically...the only thing I really had was God.
That's how I met Him face-to-face, so to speak, I think. That's the crisis that drew me to Him; I didn't know who I was, where I was going, or who I was supposed to be. In fact, I was on my knees in what I saw as the ashes of my life, once again. But let's face it; that's the BEST way to learn who we are and where we really belong. That's what made me start asking the right questions, redefine "happiness" according to a proper standard, and subsequently understand that life isn't about what we do...it's about who we are called to be.
One of my biggest laments was that all through high school and college I'd been very DRIVEN towards my career goals. I knew what I'd come from and what I desperately was trying to escape, I knew what I wanted to do, I knew I had a future, and I thought I was in control of it. And sure enough, everything I touched turned to gold: doors opened, gates parted, and my dreams (really quite humble ones, if glorious in my eyes) were on the verge of being realized. And really, they WERE realized.
Unfortunately, they lost their sheen, and like the Prodigal Son, I, the Prodigal Daughter, found myself eating muck and begging for my bread.
It's been a repetetive pattern in my life, but it was the last manifestation that was finally definitive; each crash was really a new ascent. A new purification. Each disaster, I now see, was bringing me closer to God.
To be perfectly honest, while my goals were truly humble in this world as I did not desire fame or political power or anything like that, I WAS still ambitious, and that ambition was truly a way of seeking glory for myself. I wasn't doing anything for God or out of love for God; everything I did was centered upon myself and what I wanted and what I thought I needed.
In short, it was my quite unholy opinion that I thought the world revolved around me, and whenever it didn't, I became upset and demanded that such "injustice" should change.
No, I never truly realized that this was my position, and I never voiced such an idea; in fact, I abhored the thought! All of us realize, rationally, that the world does not revolve around us, but when we get to the depths of our wounded souls, we have to face the fact that, if we are not living in reference to the Sacrifice of the Cross, then we are living for ourselves. With that kind of flawed philosophy, the only truth is that we make ourselves the center of the world.
We will never find happiness if we define ourselves according to our own scales, for we can ONLY know ourselves through knowing others, and we can only discover who we are called to be if we are willing to embrace the Mystery of the Cross - and in fact, let the blood of the Cross be mingled with our own blood and sweat.
Yesterday, in speaking with a friend, I revealed to her that I still don't know my future. I'm no longer in the job that made me so miserable, but the position I'm in now is definitely not my "calling". I do recognize a certain Call in my co-workers, which they are fulfilling beautifully. They are enthusiastic and passionate, and God's hand is on them. Myself...I'm there, I'm taking up space, I'm doing the best I can and I'm learning a lot, but it's not my future. It's a waystation, another purification, but have no fear; it is developing virtues and skills I'd not have in any other way. And it's building relationships that draw me further out of myself, refusing to take me out of the shadow of the Cross. I'm at peace, knowing there's a reason for where I am, and I do truly love the people with whom I work and those I am serving.
A New Future?
I don't see a future for myself, not when I consider my life according to career or material, worldly goals. "Future" is a word that's not really in my vocabulary anymore, for it's an irrelevant term. In fact, when it comes to my material future, I "foresee" disaster only. But it doesn't matter. God has taught me how to re-define my priorities, and even though I still battle with myself in self-love and glory-seeking ambition, it's not what defines me any more. My identity is no longer tied to what I do to pay my bills, but rather, it's in my identity in Christ.
I'm learning to live with reference to God, to know myself through loving others, and to look to the Cross for the answers of my deepest questions.
St. Augustine, one of my dearest and longest-suffering Patrons, really hit the nail on the head in the quote I used, and I love him even more for his honesty. His words still condemn me, but they also reveal, in hindsight, the spiritual journey my life has taken thus far, and remind me to continuously look to honor and glorify God in all things.
As long as we remember that, our own ambitions can be put into their proper place, in deference to God's own will, for He desires only our good, which cannot be separated from the good of the salvation of others.
It's a lesson I'd suffer again to learn...and probably will.
St. Augustine, pray for us!
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Catching Up with PSA's
It's been crazily busy this week, so I've had to "ignore" several emails in my inbox as I've focused on getting homework done and dashing off posts for things that popped into my head and scrambled around in effort to be written.
So, now that my 2 Midterms have been turned in, and my paper is edited and printed, I can finally bring you the important news from the Catholic world...and believe me, this is stuff you DO NOT want to miss!
First up - PRAYER AND FASTING!
Ignorant Redneck (who isn't so ignorant) is encouraging us to pray and fast for 3 days leading up to the election...and don't let that time limit you. Prayer and fasting even not until then is greatly needed!
Just today I read a quote somewhere: Pray for a country that refuses to pray for itself. So go to IR's post and committ to prayer and fasting! Or, if you can't do that for 3 days (I confess I'm a wimp and can handle a day...beyond that I'm mush.), Then give up chocolate, give up SOMETHING as SOME kind of fast. And Pray, pray, pray! Start now and call it a "mini Lent"!
Thanks, (Not-So)Ignorant Redneck!
VOCATIONS TO THE PRIESTHOOD
What else is there to say? St. Padre Pio said that the world could better exist without the sun than it can without the Mass. Anything that encourages more men to consider the priesthood is bound to bear fruit!
CATHOLIC WRITERS AND READERS UNITE!
And FINALLY...
I learned today that I was nominated for the Blogger's Choice Awards in the "Best Religious Blog" category. When I finally found my blog, I found that I had a whopping 2 votes....a really long ways behind a couple of atheist blogs. And that just DEFIES logic. While I don't write for awards or to be noticed, I do have a problem with the idea that someone who either hates God or disbelieves in Him such that they base their entire lives and defitions on there not being a God actually has more votes than I do.
Or maybe I'm supposed to be learning the Virtues of Patience and Humility from this. But if not...then feel free to vote for me! (I'm probably about 200 pages back....)
You do have to register to vote, it's painless and minimal (I did it last year), and you can help promote your favorite blogs....or condemn the worse ones! (The latter is literally a category for the worst blog ever, and thank God I haven't been nominated for it!)
Thanks to the person who nominated me...I think that this is the first time that happened!
So, now that my 2 Midterms have been turned in, and my paper is edited and printed, I can finally bring you the important news from the Catholic world...and believe me, this is stuff you DO NOT want to miss!
First up - PRAYER AND FASTING!
Ignorant Redneck (who isn't so ignorant) is encouraging us to pray and fast for 3 days leading up to the election...and don't let that time limit you. Prayer and fasting even not until then is greatly needed!
Remember the Gospel? Remember where the Apostles were trying to cast out a demon and couldn't, and Jesus came and did? Remember when they asked him why, he said that kind of demon couldn't be cast out except by prayer and fasting?
Well--I suggest that people commit--promise an follow through--to fasting for three days before the election, and praying, maybe the Rosary, maybe the Prayer of St. Michael. Fast and Pray that the election will place into power people who will at least respect life, and the will of God.
Just today I read a quote somewhere: Pray for a country that refuses to pray for itself. So go to IR's post and committ to prayer and fasting! Or, if you can't do that for 3 days (I confess I'm a wimp and can handle a day...beyond that I'm mush.), Then give up chocolate, give up SOMETHING as SOME kind of fast. And Pray, pray, pray! Start now and call it a "mini Lent"!
Thanks, (Not-So)Ignorant Redneck!
VOCATIONS TO THE PRIESTHOOD
I received a message today about a new website promoting Priestly Vocations:
I have recently read an interview given by Monsignor Georges Durand to the French publication “Thérèse de Lisieux.” The monsignor is one hundred years old. During his ministry he spent 27 years at the Basilica at Lisieux and was a good friend of Céline, the sister of St Therese. At the conclusion of the interview the old Monsignor said “Pray fervently to Saint Therese for the priesthood. Pray for priests. We must not bemoan the lack of priests, but act. We must pray for vocations to the priesthood”.
May I respectfully request you to mention this new web site on your blog. It contains wonderful suggestions for Bishops, Priests, Seminarians, Families, Schools and Directors of Vocations.
This web site called http://www.vocationsguidetopriesthood.org/ has positive suggestions for all members of the community.
I sincerely pray that you will visit it and hopefully give it some much needed publicity.
Pat Ryan
What else is there to say? St. Padre Pio said that the world could better exist without the sun than it can without the Mass. Anything that encourages more men to consider the priesthood is bound to bear fruit!
CATHOLIC WRITERS AND READERS UNITE!
Attention Writers & Readers!
Leoness Books is a newly formed small press specializing in Literary Catholic Writing. Leoness has been created due to the dearth of publishing opportunities for Catholic writers whose work can be described as "Literary, yet artfully overt." Leoness is seeking book-length fiction (both novels and story collections) and narrative non-fiction submissions for their Leoness Book Award, and short stories for their Best Catholic Short Stories, 2010 edition.
Leoness Books is also seeking dedicated readers who are tired of the syrupy genre fiction that Christian publishers attempt to pass off as "real life," who are put off by the poorly written Apocalyptic novels that misrepresent Bible teaching, and disheartened by the plethora of literary options for nearly every subset of humanity, except for devout Catholics seeking quality literature inspired by faith. There are several ways to become involved and ensure Leoness Books’ success. Please visit www.LeonessBooks.com for more information.
And FINALLY...
I learned today that I was nominated for the Blogger's Choice Awards in the "Best Religious Blog" category. When I finally found my blog, I found that I had a whopping 2 votes....a really long ways behind a couple of atheist blogs. And that just DEFIES logic. While I don't write for awards or to be noticed, I do have a problem with the idea that someone who either hates God or disbelieves in Him such that they base their entire lives and defitions on there not being a God actually has more votes than I do.
Or maybe I'm supposed to be learning the Virtues of Patience and Humility from this. But if not...then feel free to vote for me! (I'm probably about 200 pages back....)
You do have to register to vote, it's painless and minimal (I did it last year), and you can help promote your favorite blogs....or condemn the worse ones! (The latter is literally a category for the worst blog ever, and thank God I haven't been nominated for it!)
Thanks to the person who nominated me...I think that this is the first time that happened!
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Virtues
Today is the Feast of St. Teresa of Avila, another of one of my favorite Saints, and one whose work "Interior Castle" I'll be reading following this next weekend.
However, given that thus far I've been reading St. Catherine of Siena and have yet to finish "Dialogue", well, let's just say that her words currently have far more impact to date.
To the uninitiated, "Dialogue" is exactly what it claims to be; an earnest conversation between the Holy Soul of St. Catherine and God the Father; a work of approved Private Revelation considered to be one of the greatest and most astounding works in the history of the Church. It is solid doctrine, provided to a Saint who had no means of having acquired such knowledge, and as I am reading it, I have no doubt whatsoever that God himself spoke in His own words.
Virtues
The work often speaks of the Virtues, and in fact, this topic comes up early and is woven throughout. What struck me, though, was this: we are all given virtues. No, that's not news. But we all have, as a gift at Confirmation, a dominant virtue, and this virtue, fueled by charity (Divine Love, another virtue) is what brings us to all the other virtues. Each of us has a dominant Virtue; Humility, Patience, Faith, Perseverence, Fortitude, Charity, Temperance...it is a gift. Can you understand this? EACH of us, as a GIFT has a dominant virtue...and that is the tool God uses to help us utilize the others.
When I first began reading this, I wondered at my Virtue; what could it be? It was so easy to eliminate them, but then, I realized, even going way back, that God has given me the virtue of Faith. Even if I would doubt this, a couple years ago, a new priest assigned to my parish made note of it in a way I can't deny. I came to know him through Theology on Tap, and he offered to meet with me, seeing my nervousness upon the first presentations I gave to the RCIA class. He was a priest who gave me a certain confidence as I sought to pass on this great Faith we have been given.
He was moved, very suddenly, to cover a parish that was about to lose its priest, and as I said my goodbye to him and wished him well, he placed his hand on my shoulder and thanked me for my witness of faith to him. I was shocked...what had I done or said that was helpful to HIM?
He had the Mass the next evening, which I did not attend, but did get to the church in time for Confession. I'd sent him an email, and as he passed me he thanked me for it, and I headed into the Confession line.
It has been my practice for a long time to go to anonymous Confession, for otherwise I'm tempted to "sugar coat" my sins. And that night was no exception, and I had a particularly difficult sin to confess.
The priests I know have often spoke of the action of the Holy Spirit when they hear Confessions, and when they give their advice. That evening, I confessed what I had to confess, and from the other side of the screen, Father spoke very clearly about the Gift of Faith I had been given, how important it was, and to never stop listening to God through this Gift. I'll never forget his voice or his words as I knelt, surprised, knowing what I deserved for my sin...and yet hearing not just mercy, but receiving edification.
A part of me wonders if Father had seen me get in line and recognized my voice; and if he did, I'm not embarassed, worried, or offended. He said something that resonated, and that went to the heart of what I was doing that day and am doing now. He reminded me that God's mercy does not rest on our wrongs, but rather who He created us to be, and that He gave us Virtues to assist us in reaching Him.
Maybe Faith is my main Virtue...and it's the one that, through Charity, will help me develop all of the others, just as God the Father revealed to St. Catherine of Siena.
Consider the gifts you have been given, and if you don't know your foundational virtue...pray about it. Ask God what He has given you, and once that is revealed, focus on that to help you grow in all the other virtues.
We are given all we need to achieve Sainthood; the only problem is that we lack self-knowledge. If we pray for that, God will be gracious in His blessings; and we can become closer to Him through the very key He provides even before He gives us the rest of the keyring.
What is YOUR Virtue? What is your key?
Turn one...find all the others.
"Wherefore, learn, that, in many cases I give one virtue, to be as it were the chief of the others, that is to say, to one I will give principally love, to another justice, to another humility, to one a lively faith, to another prudence or temperance, or patience, to another fortitude. These, and many other virtues I place, indifferently, in the soul of many creatures; it happens, therefore, that the particular one so placed in the soul becomes the principal object of its virtue; the soul disposing herself, for her chief conversation, to this rather than to the other virtues, and, by the effect of this virtue, the soul draws to herself all the other virtues, which, as has been said, are all bound together in the affection of love....I have not placed them all in one soul, in order that man should perforce, have material love for his fellow."
~ St. Catherine of Siena, "Dialogue", A Treatise on Divine Providence
However, given that thus far I've been reading St. Catherine of Siena and have yet to finish "Dialogue", well, let's just say that her words currently have far more impact to date.
To the uninitiated, "Dialogue" is exactly what it claims to be; an earnest conversation between the Holy Soul of St. Catherine and God the Father; a work of approved Private Revelation considered to be one of the greatest and most astounding works in the history of the Church. It is solid doctrine, provided to a Saint who had no means of having acquired such knowledge, and as I am reading it, I have no doubt whatsoever that God himself spoke in His own words.
Virtues
The work often speaks of the Virtues, and in fact, this topic comes up early and is woven throughout. What struck me, though, was this: we are all given virtues. No, that's not news. But we all have, as a gift at Confirmation, a dominant virtue, and this virtue, fueled by charity (Divine Love, another virtue) is what brings us to all the other virtues. Each of us has a dominant Virtue; Humility, Patience, Faith, Perseverence, Fortitude, Charity, Temperance...it is a gift. Can you understand this? EACH of us, as a GIFT has a dominant virtue...and that is the tool God uses to help us utilize the others.
When I first began reading this, I wondered at my Virtue; what could it be? It was so easy to eliminate them, but then, I realized, even going way back, that God has given me the virtue of Faith. Even if I would doubt this, a couple years ago, a new priest assigned to my parish made note of it in a way I can't deny. I came to know him through Theology on Tap, and he offered to meet with me, seeing my nervousness upon the first presentations I gave to the RCIA class. He was a priest who gave me a certain confidence as I sought to pass on this great Faith we have been given.
He was moved, very suddenly, to cover a parish that was about to lose its priest, and as I said my goodbye to him and wished him well, he placed his hand on my shoulder and thanked me for my witness of faith to him. I was shocked...what had I done or said that was helpful to HIM?
He had the Mass the next evening, which I did not attend, but did get to the church in time for Confession. I'd sent him an email, and as he passed me he thanked me for it, and I headed into the Confession line.
It has been my practice for a long time to go to anonymous Confession, for otherwise I'm tempted to "sugar coat" my sins. And that night was no exception, and I had a particularly difficult sin to confess.
The priests I know have often spoke of the action of the Holy Spirit when they hear Confessions, and when they give their advice. That evening, I confessed what I had to confess, and from the other side of the screen, Father spoke very clearly about the Gift of Faith I had been given, how important it was, and to never stop listening to God through this Gift. I'll never forget his voice or his words as I knelt, surprised, knowing what I deserved for my sin...and yet hearing not just mercy, but receiving edification.
A part of me wonders if Father had seen me get in line and recognized my voice; and if he did, I'm not embarassed, worried, or offended. He said something that resonated, and that went to the heart of what I was doing that day and am doing now. He reminded me that God's mercy does not rest on our wrongs, but rather who He created us to be, and that He gave us Virtues to assist us in reaching Him.
Maybe Faith is my main Virtue...and it's the one that, through Charity, will help me develop all of the others, just as God the Father revealed to St. Catherine of Siena.
Consider the gifts you have been given, and if you don't know your foundational virtue...pray about it. Ask God what He has given you, and once that is revealed, focus on that to help you grow in all the other virtues.
We are given all we need to achieve Sainthood; the only problem is that we lack self-knowledge. If we pray for that, God will be gracious in His blessings; and we can become closer to Him through the very key He provides even before He gives us the rest of the keyring.
What is YOUR Virtue? What is your key?
Turn one...find all the others.
"Wherefore, learn, that, in many cases I give one virtue, to be as it were the chief of the others, that is to say, to one I will give principally love, to another justice, to another humility, to one a lively faith, to another prudence or temperance, or patience, to another fortitude. These, and many other virtues I place, indifferently, in the soul of many creatures; it happens, therefore, that the particular one so placed in the soul becomes the principal object of its virtue; the soul disposing herself, for her chief conversation, to this rather than to the other virtues, and, by the effect of this virtue, the soul draws to herself all the other virtues, which, as has been said, are all bound together in the affection of love....I have not placed them all in one soul, in order that man should perforce, have material love for his fellow."
~ St. Catherine of Siena, "Dialogue", A Treatise on Divine Providence
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
If You Are What You Should Be...
....You Will Set the Whole World on Fire!
So said, exactly, St. Catherine of Siena.
I am currently reading, for the purpose of writing a paper, "The Dialogue of Saint Catherine of Siena", one of my favorite Saints, and one I know has been interceeding for me for a very long time.
Yet I am constantly struck by the slander against her. There are some who would take the above quote and apply it to their dissident "theology", taking it as their motto as they seek to usurp the laws of God.
How ironic. If any of them bothered to ever read her actual writings or the revelations to her from God, or her questions to God the Father, they would be silenced in complete and total humiliation.
Just a few weeks ago, a woman I know brought St. Catherine into our conversation, and lamented that women today aren't as strong as she was. This particular woman was once a member of a certain religious community that shall remain nameless, but it's one that trumpets worldly and immoral causes such as gay marriage and female priestly "ordination". When I said that I was reading this book, she said that maybe she should as well, for St. Catherine is her patron Saint. I truely hope she does so.
This very same woman was taken aback when I dared to mention that as a woman, St. Catherine was very strong as an example for the women of today in her successful work to bring a Pope into submission to God; for she literally stated that if the Pope remained a single day in France, it was a mortal sin. The woman in question told me, "Well, I don't know about that..." clearly offended by my repetition of this objective occurance in history. But let's just say she's one that can't understand why I would teach children and their parents that there is such a thing as "mortal sin".
SUCH VIOLENCE!
Right. I consider Hell to be far more violent than the suggestion that we can offend God in such a way that we sever our relationship with Him.
Since then, I've also come across the blogs or other articles of two (or more) religious sisters who are also comparing St. Catherine of Siena to the dissident and highly mislead (and misleading) Srs. Prejean and Chittister, among others.
What is so shocking to me is that those Sisters aren't even in the same league as St. Catherine of Siena; the ONLY comparison is that they are all female.
The left-leaning spiritual miscreants that have arisen in past years clearly haven't bothered to actually read the words of this great Doctor of the Church; for if they did, they would not DARE to use her name to advance their causes. They try to usurp the name of St. Catherine to support radical feminism; yet if they actually read the revelations, they would realize that St. Catherine was in the world, but not of it, and the last thing she would do is support political and immoral causes, the like of which absorb the time and morality of too many allegedly "religious" women of our age.
This group likes to use the name of St. Catherine because she stood up to the Pope; it was she and St. Bridget of Sweden who brought a close to the Avignon Captivity, and an end to the false Popes, restoring authority to Rome and revealing the true Pope in a time of division. St. Catherine probably saved that Pope's soul, for no sooner had he heeded her words that he was in mortal sin for every day he remained in France, that he returned to Rome and died, hopefully as a loyal son of the Church. A new Pope was elected, unifying the Church once again.
St. Catherine was not a feminazi or a Democrat; she was a holy woman who respected the authority of God and His Vicar, and sought to RESTORE proper Church authority. She was a unifying force, an instrument of God Himself.
She doesn't compare to today's dissidents for one main reason; she was not out for power for herself, but rather, to call a Pope to CONVERSION and restore the Divine Order that had always been intended. She was not looking to change the Church to meet her own worldy purposes, but instead, she understood the Divine Nature of the Supernatural Hierarchy of the Church, and worked within it to restore what was corrupted by sin.
She did not deny sin; she denounced. She is a heroine to women everywhere for she knew what it was to be a woman; and that the Church needs good, holy women in order to bear fruit.
I pray that before I die I will see the good name of St. Catherine of Siena restored, nevermore to be usurped as an unwilling spokesman for immoral causes.
Those who think she challenged doctrine need to read Dialogues and her other works; perhaps it is only through her own words that she will, on behalf of Christ, convert those who seek power and fame as opposed to St. Catherine's clear foundational virtues of humility and obedience.
St. Catherine of Siena...PRAY FOR US, that we will set the whole world on fire!
*
Do you know, My daughter, who you are and who I am?
You are she who is not; I am He Who is.
- Words of Our Lord to
Saint Catherine of Siena
The Dialogue
So said, exactly, St. Catherine of Siena.
I am currently reading, for the purpose of writing a paper, "The Dialogue of Saint Catherine of Siena", one of my favorite Saints, and one I know has been interceeding for me for a very long time.
Yet I am constantly struck by the slander against her. There are some who would take the above quote and apply it to their dissident "theology", taking it as their motto as they seek to usurp the laws of God.
How ironic. If any of them bothered to ever read her actual writings or the revelations to her from God, or her questions to God the Father, they would be silenced in complete and total humiliation.
Just a few weeks ago, a woman I know brought St. Catherine into our conversation, and lamented that women today aren't as strong as she was. This particular woman was once a member of a certain religious community that shall remain nameless, but it's one that trumpets worldly and immoral causes such as gay marriage and female priestly "ordination". When I said that I was reading this book, she said that maybe she should as well, for St. Catherine is her patron Saint. I truely hope she does so.
This very same woman was taken aback when I dared to mention that as a woman, St. Catherine was very strong as an example for the women of today in her successful work to bring a Pope into submission to God; for she literally stated that if the Pope remained a single day in France, it was a mortal sin. The woman in question told me, "Well, I don't know about that..." clearly offended by my repetition of this objective occurance in history. But let's just say she's one that can't understand why I would teach children and their parents that there is such a thing as "mortal sin".
SUCH VIOLENCE!
Right. I consider Hell to be far more violent than the suggestion that we can offend God in such a way that we sever our relationship with Him.
Since then, I've also come across the blogs or other articles of two (or more) religious sisters who are also comparing St. Catherine of Siena to the dissident and highly mislead (and misleading) Srs. Prejean and Chittister, among others.
What is so shocking to me is that those Sisters aren't even in the same league as St. Catherine of Siena; the ONLY comparison is that they are all female.
The left-leaning spiritual miscreants that have arisen in past years clearly haven't bothered to actually read the words of this great Doctor of the Church; for if they did, they would not DARE to use her name to advance their causes. They try to usurp the name of St. Catherine to support radical feminism; yet if they actually read the revelations, they would realize that St. Catherine was in the world, but not of it, and the last thing she would do is support political and immoral causes, the like of which absorb the time and morality of too many allegedly "religious" women of our age.
This group likes to use the name of St. Catherine because she stood up to the Pope; it was she and St. Bridget of Sweden who brought a close to the Avignon Captivity, and an end to the false Popes, restoring authority to Rome and revealing the true Pope in a time of division. St. Catherine probably saved that Pope's soul, for no sooner had he heeded her words that he was in mortal sin for every day he remained in France, that he returned to Rome and died, hopefully as a loyal son of the Church. A new Pope was elected, unifying the Church once again.
St. Catherine was not a feminazi or a Democrat; she was a holy woman who respected the authority of God and His Vicar, and sought to RESTORE proper Church authority. She was a unifying force, an instrument of God Himself.
She doesn't compare to today's dissidents for one main reason; she was not out for power for herself, but rather, to call a Pope to CONVERSION and restore the Divine Order that had always been intended. She was not looking to change the Church to meet her own worldy purposes, but instead, she understood the Divine Nature of the Supernatural Hierarchy of the Church, and worked within it to restore what was corrupted by sin.
She did not deny sin; she denounced. She is a heroine to women everywhere for she knew what it was to be a woman; and that the Church needs good, holy women in order to bear fruit.
I pray that before I die I will see the good name of St. Catherine of Siena restored, nevermore to be usurped as an unwilling spokesman for immoral causes.
Those who think she challenged doctrine need to read Dialogues and her other works; perhaps it is only through her own words that she will, on behalf of Christ, convert those who seek power and fame as opposed to St. Catherine's clear foundational virtues of humility and obedience.
St. Catherine of Siena...PRAY FOR US, that we will set the whole world on fire!
*
Do you know, My daughter, who you are and who I am?
You are she who is not; I am He Who is.
- Words of Our Lord to
Saint Catherine of Siena
The Dialogue
Basil, Anyone?
You Are Basil |
 You are quite popular and loved by post people. You have a mild temperament, but your style is definitely distinctive. You are sweet, attractive, and you often smell good. |
What do you think, those of you who know me? Am I Basil?
By the way, avoid these quiz sites, especialy if you're trying to write a paper. It's too easy to do frivolous things and avoid your deadlines. After all...quizzes are MUCH more exciting than discerning the various meanings and context of some ancient Hebrew word.
Mmmm....basil...
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Vocational Discernment
LONG POST ALERT!
I've spoken many times about Vocational Discernment, and I stand by everything I've said in the past. But not everyone is going to go through my archives, so I find it necessary to discuss these same issues again, for the benefit of, well...anyone who might benefit.
For some reason, if a man says that he is discerning the priesthood or a woman says she is discerning religious life, the revelation sets off a flurry of pitter-patting hearts already planning on atteding the Ordination or Vows. The very mention of discernment "locks the deal" and certain people become so excitedly agitated at the prospect of a new Priest or Religious that they turn themselves inside-out with joyous expectation.
And I ask you...is this REASONABLE???
After all, if a man or woman comes to you and announces they, respectively, found a girlfriend or a boyfriend, do you immediately go into "wedding organizer" mode and order taffeta and polyester and reserve the Taj Mahal for the party?
For some reason, the very mention of Vocational discernment causes some people to completely lose their minds and assign themselves a role of "Personal Dictator" on behalf of the discerning soul, who can of course seem to hear God's call but apparently doesn't have as much hearing as the person desiring Vocations thinks they should have.
And the Personal Dictator, of course, knows best and appoints themself into the timekeeper's role so as to tell the Discerning Soul what they need to do and when, for if they fail in that role they'll be disappointing the PD, and therefore, God.
Right. We all know the type.
Experienced Dictatorship
I have a friend, a good friend, who has discerned her Vocation and has come to realize that God is indeed calling her to be Single. (Don't mention Consecrated Virgin...she doesn't qualify. The "Virgin" part of that Vocation is quite literal. Please note: it IS possible to destroy your Vocation.)
She is, now, a very holy person, and has a lot of experience and knowledge, but seems sometimes to be lacking in self-knowledge...as are we ALL. This friend, upon learning of my discernment, proceeded to give me advice about who to listen to, how many people and to have them put me on a particular schedule. Because that's what her people did for her and had they not, she would never have done what she needed to do in order to fulfill her discernment obligations. She'd still be in limbo.
While her advice, on the surface, is good advice, I also know her well enough to realize that she was placed on a schedule and under obedience for a particular reason: she's the biggest procrastinator and maybe, in some ways, the flightiest person I have ever known. She knows obedience, and it was that virtue that forced her to a schedule. She also knows the Holy Spirit, but without something tangible, she would put the Holy Spirit off as she went after other various "shiny objects" in her life.
But she gave me this advice, which I took with a grain of salt, and just said "I have my people", over and over again. Maybe she thinks that she should be one of "my people" but in this case...she isn't. Because she's no different than the people who, a few years ago, put me on THIER schedule, and not God's.
One of the things I've learned in past years is to listen to God, and to follow that interior voice no matter what the World says. I don't have a Spirtual Director, but over time God has helped me to hear His voice, and it is that gift that has saved me a lot of money and grief. Were it not for that gift, I'm certain that I would not be considering my Vocation now.
A few years ago, there were communities I wanted to visit, but it never worked out for me. I couldn't get anyone to watch my dog, I couldn't afford to put her up somewhwere, I looked for a way to go a few states away...but something didn't press me to do it. I could get time off...but something was wrong. So I didn't take action. I didn't go on the retreats.
And my friends upbraided me for letting Satan put blocks in my path, saying I wasn't trying hard enough, I had to go to Serra or this or that or something else. They became quite offended when I explained that I was listening to God and not them, and that I saw the roadblocks as a sign of God's will.
I've since learned that the blocks were indeed the gentle hand of God and not the attacks of Satan. I'm grateful I did not listen to my friends, but chose to hear the small voice I was only then learning to discern. For we cannot discern a Vocation if we have not first learned to listen to the voice of God amid all the chaos of people who have our best interests at heart.
Yes, my friends wanted the best for me, but they did not understand that they were looking at Vocational Discernment in the world's terms, and not God's. They were already married or comfortable in their lifestyles, and their desire for more Religious made them mad in their zeal. Thus, they felt I needed a "schedule" according to THEIR terms, similar to someone who is unemployed and needs a counselor to help them find a job.
A Vocation is NOT a "Job".
It is LIFE itself.
We are called into being, from eternity, to fulfill a certain Vocation; as Married, as a Priest, or as a Religious. And today, maybe as a Single who dedicates one's life to the affairs of God.
One does not approach the affairs of God as one would a mere employer. One does not enter a Vocation as one does a job, which one holds at will. Vocations, indeed, are at will...but they are forever. They are vows to and before God, in response to a specific Call.
We don't fall all over ourselves when someone is called to Marriage...why do we do so when someone is called to serve God alone?
I think some of the hysteria actually DETERS Vocations. It's that hysteria that makes people want to take control of someone's discernment, which is akin to the same hysteria of a mother-in-law over the desire for grandchildren. For some reason, we ALL think we need to be in control of something, and we think that OUR desires are what is important; and in this desire, we forget entirely about God and what HE has Willed and what HE desires.
Personally, I am thankful for the people in my life who, upon learning of my discernment, have kept it low-key. They don't "bug" me about "where I am" or "what I've decided". They don't demand I meet certain goals according to their schedule.
Rather, they let me know they are praying, they let me bring the topic up, and, most importantly...they let God take the lead.
No one can properly discern when there's pressure. No one can hear God's voice...while someone in the background is harping for them to hearken to THEIR vocalizations. No one can be sure they've really discovered God's will for them when all they've followed is the shrill directions of the neighborhood Vocation Nazi.
Discernment is all about learning to listen to and follow GOD'S WILL. A Vocation to the Priesthood or Religious life is no different than Marriage. In our world, Marriage is expected (as little as it seems to happen these days), but Vocations are considered to be extraordinary. They aren't. We are ALL called to something, and all according to God's designs for us. We need people to follow the Call for each Vocation; were it not so, society would not function.
So tone down the hysteria, step up the prayers, and use your "indoor voice" when someone tells you they are discerning.
And don't forget...those who are discerning need more than prayers...they need travel funds, dogsitters, rides to the airport and back, Spiritual Directors (as in people trained for that), and sometimes, just a listening ear that doesn't need to project their own desires upon the one doing the discernment.
Oh, I can go on...but maybe now is a good time to stop lest this post turn into a book.
I've spoken many times about Vocational Discernment, and I stand by everything I've said in the past. But not everyone is going to go through my archives, so I find it necessary to discuss these same issues again, for the benefit of, well...anyone who might benefit.
For some reason, if a man says that he is discerning the priesthood or a woman says she is discerning religious life, the revelation sets off a flurry of pitter-patting hearts already planning on atteding the Ordination or Vows. The very mention of discernment "locks the deal" and certain people become so excitedly agitated at the prospect of a new Priest or Religious that they turn themselves inside-out with joyous expectation.
And I ask you...is this REASONABLE???
After all, if a man or woman comes to you and announces they, respectively, found a girlfriend or a boyfriend, do you immediately go into "wedding organizer" mode and order taffeta and polyester and reserve the Taj Mahal for the party?
For some reason, the very mention of Vocational discernment causes some people to completely lose their minds and assign themselves a role of "Personal Dictator" on behalf of the discerning soul, who can of course seem to hear God's call but apparently doesn't have as much hearing as the person desiring Vocations thinks they should have.
And the Personal Dictator, of course, knows best and appoints themself into the timekeeper's role so as to tell the Discerning Soul what they need to do and when, for if they fail in that role they'll be disappointing the PD, and therefore, God.
Right. We all know the type.
Experienced Dictatorship
I have a friend, a good friend, who has discerned her Vocation and has come to realize that God is indeed calling her to be Single. (Don't mention Consecrated Virgin...she doesn't qualify. The "Virgin" part of that Vocation is quite literal. Please note: it IS possible to destroy your Vocation.)
She is, now, a very holy person, and has a lot of experience and knowledge, but seems sometimes to be lacking in self-knowledge...as are we ALL. This friend, upon learning of my discernment, proceeded to give me advice about who to listen to, how many people and to have them put me on a particular schedule. Because that's what her people did for her and had they not, she would never have done what she needed to do in order to fulfill her discernment obligations. She'd still be in limbo.
While her advice, on the surface, is good advice, I also know her well enough to realize that she was placed on a schedule and under obedience for a particular reason: she's the biggest procrastinator and maybe, in some ways, the flightiest person I have ever known. She knows obedience, and it was that virtue that forced her to a schedule. She also knows the Holy Spirit, but without something tangible, she would put the Holy Spirit off as she went after other various "shiny objects" in her life.
But she gave me this advice, which I took with a grain of salt, and just said "I have my people", over and over again. Maybe she thinks that she should be one of "my people" but in this case...she isn't. Because she's no different than the people who, a few years ago, put me on THIER schedule, and not God's.
One of the things I've learned in past years is to listen to God, and to follow that interior voice no matter what the World says. I don't have a Spirtual Director, but over time God has helped me to hear His voice, and it is that gift that has saved me a lot of money and grief. Were it not for that gift, I'm certain that I would not be considering my Vocation now.
A few years ago, there were communities I wanted to visit, but it never worked out for me. I couldn't get anyone to watch my dog, I couldn't afford to put her up somewhwere, I looked for a way to go a few states away...but something didn't press me to do it. I could get time off...but something was wrong. So I didn't take action. I didn't go on the retreats.
And my friends upbraided me for letting Satan put blocks in my path, saying I wasn't trying hard enough, I had to go to Serra or this or that or something else. They became quite offended when I explained that I was listening to God and not them, and that I saw the roadblocks as a sign of God's will.
I've since learned that the blocks were indeed the gentle hand of God and not the attacks of Satan. I'm grateful I did not listen to my friends, but chose to hear the small voice I was only then learning to discern. For we cannot discern a Vocation if we have not first learned to listen to the voice of God amid all the chaos of people who have our best interests at heart.
Yes, my friends wanted the best for me, but they did not understand that they were looking at Vocational Discernment in the world's terms, and not God's. They were already married or comfortable in their lifestyles, and their desire for more Religious made them mad in their zeal. Thus, they felt I needed a "schedule" according to THEIR terms, similar to someone who is unemployed and needs a counselor to help them find a job.
A Vocation is NOT a "Job".
It is LIFE itself.
We are called into being, from eternity, to fulfill a certain Vocation; as Married, as a Priest, or as a Religious. And today, maybe as a Single who dedicates one's life to the affairs of God.
One does not approach the affairs of God as one would a mere employer. One does not enter a Vocation as one does a job, which one holds at will. Vocations, indeed, are at will...but they are forever. They are vows to and before God, in response to a specific Call.
We don't fall all over ourselves when someone is called to Marriage...why do we do so when someone is called to serve God alone?
I think some of the hysteria actually DETERS Vocations. It's that hysteria that makes people want to take control of someone's discernment, which is akin to the same hysteria of a mother-in-law over the desire for grandchildren. For some reason, we ALL think we need to be in control of something, and we think that OUR desires are what is important; and in this desire, we forget entirely about God and what HE has Willed and what HE desires.
Personally, I am thankful for the people in my life who, upon learning of my discernment, have kept it low-key. They don't "bug" me about "where I am" or "what I've decided". They don't demand I meet certain goals according to their schedule.
Rather, they let me know they are praying, they let me bring the topic up, and, most importantly...they let God take the lead.
No one can properly discern when there's pressure. No one can hear God's voice...while someone in the background is harping for them to hearken to THEIR vocalizations. No one can be sure they've really discovered God's will for them when all they've followed is the shrill directions of the neighborhood Vocation Nazi.
Discernment is all about learning to listen to and follow GOD'S WILL. A Vocation to the Priesthood or Religious life is no different than Marriage. In our world, Marriage is expected (as little as it seems to happen these days), but Vocations are considered to be extraordinary. They aren't. We are ALL called to something, and all according to God's designs for us. We need people to follow the Call for each Vocation; were it not so, society would not function.
So tone down the hysteria, step up the prayers, and use your "indoor voice" when someone tells you they are discerning.
And don't forget...those who are discerning need more than prayers...they need travel funds, dogsitters, rides to the airport and back, Spiritual Directors (as in people trained for that), and sometimes, just a listening ear that doesn't need to project their own desires upon the one doing the discernment.
Oh, I can go on...but maybe now is a good time to stop lest this post turn into a book.
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Ascent from the Descent
The Descent
A few months ago, at my brother's house, I watched a horror movie called "Descent". It was a group of women who were going spelunking (cave exploring), apparently in a cave that was for "beginners" although they were all very experienced. As it was, apparently one of the women had accidentally discovered another cave system and so lead them into that.
And the new cave WAS very difficult, and they found,after a crawl space collapsed behind them, that they had to keep going; they could not escape through their original route. It was at about this point that they learned they were not where they had planned to be, thanks to the deception of their friend. From that point on, it became a survival movie; now enter the horror element: flesh-eating human-like creatures. I won't go through the gorey details (which they were); I will only say that only one of the women made it out alive, and even there, her sanity, gone. It was a movie completely without hope, and completely without any redeeming value whatsoever.
I literally had a nightmare a couple weeks later that placed me in the cave with them, unable to escape, and when it got to the scene involving the lair of the beasts, somehow I managed to wake myself up so I wouldn't have to "live" through the horror.
I used to love horror movies, and I'll admit I still have a few I remember nostalgically. Maybe I enjoyed them as they seemed so forbidden (Mom didn't want us watching them), but also because they were unrealistic. Although now I don't know if I'd watch them again. It seems my compass has been reset.
Desensitization
Back when I was in college, planning for a career in law enforcement, I knew that I would see some pretty awful things. And I knew, that, as a girl, people might watch for my reactions to the most difficult things. I knew I had to be "tough" and so I set out to desensitize myself. Horror movies, Faces of Death movies...anything I could get my hands on. I didn't want to react when I saw bad things. I wanted to be stoic about it. I knew that my ability to do my job would depend on whether I could be in control of my reactions.
As it was, that's what happened. But somewhere I think it went too far because to a certain degree, I also became "unfeeling". Something in me "broke" when I fed my mind with so many images, many of which were real deaths of real human beings, even very inhumane deaths, including executions.
Ascent
Those images are still burned into my brain and I have to work to shift my mind away from them. Over time, I'm becoming more horrified at what I used to watch and the things I can never un-see. Things I looked at voluntarily. Recently I read an article about a young man who leaped to his death somewhere in the UK, while a crowd of other young people egged him on. Afterwards they crowded around his body, snapping pictures with their camera phones.
I thank God I never descended that far for I never willed the death of another for entertainment purposes, however, I can understand why those people did what they did. After all, given all the violent images available to us, ranging from the news, the web, horror movies, and available footage of actual intended deaths (such as some in Faces of Death movies), well, it's the next logical step.
Consider for yourselves; what's next?
In a world that does not know God, and does not respect life, can we expect anything different?
It is as I am still emerging from my self-imposed darkness that I'm seeing these things, and understanding them. I want to erase what I've imposed upon my intellect, yet I can't, and perhaps that's my penance.
I am comforted, though, that horror movies no longer have the draw they once held. I am comforted that watching "The Descent" literally gave me nightmares, for it means that I am far healthier than I have been in a very long time.
We all have a choice in what to watch or what to read, and the ideas of others literally enter our souls through our eyes and our ears. With what are we feeding ourselves? What effect will those images or words have on our moral life? What influences us?
Proponents of pornography or horror, graphic metal music or rap, violent video games, etc., will cry out in anger at the suggestion that such things mold them into something they should not be. And yet the evidence is obviously apparent. It was apparent in my life, and it is apparent in theirs. That event in the UK is only a symptom of how deeply people have been affected by the violence in our entertainment industries.
In class this semester we have an essay question involving Plato's cave analogy, and suddenly I realize why part of that analogy horrified me to a certain degree. I'm one of the cave prisoners who has emerged from the darkness. It's not possible to understand the light and what's in the light, and the source of the light if one is trapped in darkness and believes the backlit images are the only reality.
I thank God for my nightmares; they have given me hope that perhaps, finally, I have left the darkness of the cave behind me forever.
*
A few months ago, at my brother's house, I watched a horror movie called "Descent". It was a group of women who were going spelunking (cave exploring), apparently in a cave that was for "beginners" although they were all very experienced. As it was, apparently one of the women had accidentally discovered another cave system and so lead them into that.
And the new cave WAS very difficult, and they found,after a crawl space collapsed behind them, that they had to keep going; they could not escape through their original route. It was at about this point that they learned they were not where they had planned to be, thanks to the deception of their friend. From that point on, it became a survival movie; now enter the horror element: flesh-eating human-like creatures. I won't go through the gorey details (which they were); I will only say that only one of the women made it out alive, and even there, her sanity, gone. It was a movie completely without hope, and completely without any redeeming value whatsoever.
I literally had a nightmare a couple weeks later that placed me in the cave with them, unable to escape, and when it got to the scene involving the lair of the beasts, somehow I managed to wake myself up so I wouldn't have to "live" through the horror.
I used to love horror movies, and I'll admit I still have a few I remember nostalgically. Maybe I enjoyed them as they seemed so forbidden (Mom didn't want us watching them), but also because they were unrealistic. Although now I don't know if I'd watch them again. It seems my compass has been reset.
Desensitization
Back when I was in college, planning for a career in law enforcement, I knew that I would see some pretty awful things. And I knew, that, as a girl, people might watch for my reactions to the most difficult things. I knew I had to be "tough" and so I set out to desensitize myself. Horror movies, Faces of Death movies...anything I could get my hands on. I didn't want to react when I saw bad things. I wanted to be stoic about it. I knew that my ability to do my job would depend on whether I could be in control of my reactions.
As it was, that's what happened. But somewhere I think it went too far because to a certain degree, I also became "unfeeling". Something in me "broke" when I fed my mind with so many images, many of which were real deaths of real human beings, even very inhumane deaths, including executions.
Ascent
Those images are still burned into my brain and I have to work to shift my mind away from them. Over time, I'm becoming more horrified at what I used to watch and the things I can never un-see. Things I looked at voluntarily. Recently I read an article about a young man who leaped to his death somewhere in the UK, while a crowd of other young people egged him on. Afterwards they crowded around his body, snapping pictures with their camera phones.
I thank God I never descended that far for I never willed the death of another for entertainment purposes, however, I can understand why those people did what they did. After all, given all the violent images available to us, ranging from the news, the web, horror movies, and available footage of actual intended deaths (such as some in Faces of Death movies), well, it's the next logical step.
Consider for yourselves; what's next?
In a world that does not know God, and does not respect life, can we expect anything different?
It is as I am still emerging from my self-imposed darkness that I'm seeing these things, and understanding them. I want to erase what I've imposed upon my intellect, yet I can't, and perhaps that's my penance.
I am comforted, though, that horror movies no longer have the draw they once held. I am comforted that watching "The Descent" literally gave me nightmares, for it means that I am far healthier than I have been in a very long time.
We all have a choice in what to watch or what to read, and the ideas of others literally enter our souls through our eyes and our ears. With what are we feeding ourselves? What effect will those images or words have on our moral life? What influences us?
Proponents of pornography or horror, graphic metal music or rap, violent video games, etc., will cry out in anger at the suggestion that such things mold them into something they should not be. And yet the evidence is obviously apparent. It was apparent in my life, and it is apparent in theirs. That event in the UK is only a symptom of how deeply people have been affected by the violence in our entertainment industries.
In class this semester we have an essay question involving Plato's cave analogy, and suddenly I realize why part of that analogy horrified me to a certain degree. I'm one of the cave prisoners who has emerged from the darkness. It's not possible to understand the light and what's in the light, and the source of the light if one is trapped in darkness and believes the backlit images are the only reality.
I thank God for my nightmares; they have given me hope that perhaps, finally, I have left the darkness of the cave behind me forever.
*
Wednesday, October 08, 2008
Saving Souls
It's been quiet around here of late as I've been busy at work, trying hard to make headway on my midterms and a paper, and this has exhausted me. When I left work this evening I had to pray I'd even make it home!
But one of the high points each evening has been reading more of "The Dialogue of St. Catherine of Siena", which is a conversation between she and God the Father, which was dictated during an ecstasy. As I've been reading, I've been amazed at the consistency with Catholic Doctrine (which would be the reason this is an approved private revelation and why St. Catherine is a Doctor of the Church), and I've been taking her words to heart.
A serious reading of this work leads one to reflect on the state of their own soul, to consider ones life through God's eyes...and the needs of all those people in one's life.
There are vivid (if theological) descriptions of souls in Hell, why they are there, and the torments they suffer and will suffer for eternity. There are descriptions of "the blessed", those souls enjoying eternal union with God, and those souls in purgatory who have not achieved in life the perfection of the blessed, but likewise enjoy a certain union even as they are purged of their own impurities as they are on the road to perfection.
God also describes the way of perfection as a bridge, and why some souls choose to walk in the sludge under the bridge, where they are swept away by the devil, instead of taking the high road designed just for them.
There is so much theological depth to this book, so many descriptive images of the spiritual life and spiritual realities that I find, each night I finish reading, that I love God even more.
Yesterday's reading left me pining for the souls in mortal sin; those who are obstinate in their rejection of God, their false anger at God, in their complete rejection of all that is holy. The torments they are destined to suffer should they die in such a state is horrifying; it makes me realize how much we all must do to reach out and simply pray for such people. God asks us to pray for each other, and in our current society, we see so much secularism, so much hatred of God that we as the faithful have to realize the eternal consequences of such attitudes.
There IS such a place as Hell, it's entirely possible to go there for eternity, and all that is required for such a ticket is...well....a lot of attitudes expressed today. Even among Catholics!
It's unpopular and considered "superstitious" to suggest that one is in danger of Hell; yet, one day we will all go to our judgment, and at that moment, we lose our free will, and if we have abused our freedom in this life we will pay for it for eternity in the next.
The tragedy of this is impossible to express, especially considering all we have been given to assist us in attaining holiness. And it's not just about us; it's about our awareness of the needs of others, not just materially, but SPIRITUALLY. If we're not praying, if we're not working to save souls...we're not doing our jobs.
And this post doesn't come close to coherent, nor can it possibly touch the depth of the thoughts I've had in reading this book...and I still have two-thirds to go, an a ten-page paper to write. I suspect I'll be able to write an entire book when I'm done with this one!
But I'm not just incoherent right now, I'm exhausted and I'm going to do some more reading and collapse into unconsciousness until the alarm goes off at Dark O'Clock in the morning.
St. Catherine of Siena...pray for us!
But one of the high points each evening has been reading more of "The Dialogue of St. Catherine of Siena", which is a conversation between she and God the Father, which was dictated during an ecstasy. As I've been reading, I've been amazed at the consistency with Catholic Doctrine (which would be the reason this is an approved private revelation and why St. Catherine is a Doctor of the Church), and I've been taking her words to heart.
A serious reading of this work leads one to reflect on the state of their own soul, to consider ones life through God's eyes...and the needs of all those people in one's life.
There are vivid (if theological) descriptions of souls in Hell, why they are there, and the torments they suffer and will suffer for eternity. There are descriptions of "the blessed", those souls enjoying eternal union with God, and those souls in purgatory who have not achieved in life the perfection of the blessed, but likewise enjoy a certain union even as they are purged of their own impurities as they are on the road to perfection.
God also describes the way of perfection as a bridge, and why some souls choose to walk in the sludge under the bridge, where they are swept away by the devil, instead of taking the high road designed just for them.
There is so much theological depth to this book, so many descriptive images of the spiritual life and spiritual realities that I find, each night I finish reading, that I love God even more.
Yesterday's reading left me pining for the souls in mortal sin; those who are obstinate in their rejection of God, their false anger at God, in their complete rejection of all that is holy. The torments they are destined to suffer should they die in such a state is horrifying; it makes me realize how much we all must do to reach out and simply pray for such people. God asks us to pray for each other, and in our current society, we see so much secularism, so much hatred of God that we as the faithful have to realize the eternal consequences of such attitudes.
There IS such a place as Hell, it's entirely possible to go there for eternity, and all that is required for such a ticket is...well....a lot of attitudes expressed today. Even among Catholics!
It's unpopular and considered "superstitious" to suggest that one is in danger of Hell; yet, one day we will all go to our judgment, and at that moment, we lose our free will, and if we have abused our freedom in this life we will pay for it for eternity in the next.
The tragedy of this is impossible to express, especially considering all we have been given to assist us in attaining holiness. And it's not just about us; it's about our awareness of the needs of others, not just materially, but SPIRITUALLY. If we're not praying, if we're not working to save souls...we're not doing our jobs.
And this post doesn't come close to coherent, nor can it possibly touch the depth of the thoughts I've had in reading this book...and I still have two-thirds to go, an a ten-page paper to write. I suspect I'll be able to write an entire book when I'm done with this one!
But I'm not just incoherent right now, I'm exhausted and I'm going to do some more reading and collapse into unconsciousness until the alarm goes off at Dark O'Clock in the morning.
St. Catherine of Siena...pray for us!
Sunday, October 05, 2008
Devotion to the Holy Angels
I have long had a devotion to the Angels, having been introduced to my Guardian Angel at a young age thanks to my dear mother.
Feathers for Children
We used to lie in bed on lazy afternoons, reaching upwards towards the ceiling, I on my mother's left, my brother on her right. Our image of angels were of beings that looked like us, but invisible, and with beautiful wings. Mom explained that they were flying over our heads, and if we raised our hands above us, we could feel the feathery tips as they passed over, constantly revolving in their acts of protection.
It's one of my favorite memories of childhood; holding my fingers upward while lying in bed, sometimes feeling a breeze against my fingertips, while my brother cried out that he had touched a feather. Mom smiled, praising my brother as I tried to stretch upwards even further, not wanting to sit up in order to reach them, asking my Angel to fly a little lower so I could touch his wing, desperately wanting to have the same experience as my brother.
Then I would cry, because the closest I could get was a little breeze, which might have been just a random draft, or maybe a flap of his wing. I was too little, I thought, and in my littleness, I couldn't reach the dear angels, whom I loved so dearly! And then Mom, seeing my tears, would comfort me and say they were only pretending, and even my brother, in a moment of sincere big-brotherhood, would admit he was pretending, too, and he couldn't feel their wings, either.
But a part of me still believes, even as I know angels are pure spirit, and don't fly overhead, that they did generate the breezes that caressed my tiny fingers, and that maybe my brother and my mother DID experience the sensation of feathers against their fingertips, held aloft in a moment of imagination, truly reaching upwards to God through His beautiful servants, our Guardians.
Our Fierce Protectors
Have you ever read the description of the Angels in the Bible? The term "Angel" really describes a role, as opposed to who they are. Maybe we adopt the term because, as humans, what we are is what we use to describe us. Angels are more insubstantial; they fulfill many roles, and collectively, we call these beings by one name even though they carry out different facets of the Will of God.
Have you read of the description of the Cherubim or the Seraphim? Have you taken in how fierce they are, how they worship Our Lord continually, how they do His will so perfectly?
And yet, they are so gentle that Abba gives them to the tiniest of children, entrusting such souls to their care. Guardian Angels can come from any one of the heirarchies of Angels...and each of them is fierce in their love for God, and their love for God's adopted children.
Naming One's Angel
I have read many things about naming one's Guardian Angel, and some of those articles seem quite convincing. There are many anecdotes about how people pray for a name, and it comes. (What's amazing to me is how many times those names are "Michael")
I used to pray to know my Angel's name, but then I read further, and found that, in spiritual warfare, names are important. Names are powerful, and the names of Angels...unpronounceable. All we could discern are derivatives. We must also remember the Fallen Angels, those demons that seek to steal us away from God, and those demons also have names. In an exorcism, the Exorcist asks for the name of the demon; that name can give the exorcist power over it...or, in the case of the unprepared...the power of the demon over the soul. Imagine, if you will, that you pray for the name of your Angel, and a Fallen Angel offers his name? Thus, when you pray, you pray to the name of the demon, entrusting yourself to it. And it chuckles, realizing that it now has you in it's power, freely given by you.
Names are important. Names have power.
We are not meant to know the names of our Holy Angels, those sweet Guardians. They remain nameless so that greater Glory can be given to God. Angels are humility nearly personified, remaining anonymous (but for those revealed in Sacred Scripture or Tradition), while those who give their names are seeking glory through their own pride.
If you pray, then, for a name to your Angel and there is a response, question the response...for who is being glorified when you call that name? How many have as their personal protector the Archangel Michael? How many have as a personal protector the Archangel Raphael?
How many people who claim to be reincarnated claim famous people as their own incarnation?
Do not those Angels, the ones named in Scripture, already have assignments? Any Saint or Angel can certainly be a special Patron, but our Guardian Angels are ours alone, assigned specifically to us, individually. Their names can't be known.
We as human beings are weak in the realm of the spirit, and we must trust the Our Lord and the Church to guide us. Certainly it is possible that our Guardian Angels might reveal their names to us, but I find it safer to follow the advice of recognized Exorcists to allow our Guardians to remain nameless so that we may call upon their Mission, not their name, in order to avoid calling upon the Nemesis.
It is important for us to recognize our Angels, but we can do this by using the mind of God, of remembering the virtue of Humility, and leaning on our Angels as we learn this foundational virtue.
I used to ask for my Angel's name...now I just pray to him, calling upon his title, for we are comfortable enough with one another that his name is not important; it is his function and subsequent relationship with me that glorifies God.
Our ways are not God's ways, and even if we do not understand His mysteries, we are bound to follow them. I thank God for my dear Angel, and look forward to finally learning his name, one day, when he finally carries me to the Father's eternal embrace.
Feathers for Children
We used to lie in bed on lazy afternoons, reaching upwards towards the ceiling, I on my mother's left, my brother on her right. Our image of angels were of beings that looked like us, but invisible, and with beautiful wings. Mom explained that they were flying over our heads, and if we raised our hands above us, we could feel the feathery tips as they passed over, constantly revolving in their acts of protection.
It's one of my favorite memories of childhood; holding my fingers upward while lying in bed, sometimes feeling a breeze against my fingertips, while my brother cried out that he had touched a feather. Mom smiled, praising my brother as I tried to stretch upwards even further, not wanting to sit up in order to reach them, asking my Angel to fly a little lower so I could touch his wing, desperately wanting to have the same experience as my brother.
Then I would cry, because the closest I could get was a little breeze, which might have been just a random draft, or maybe a flap of his wing. I was too little, I thought, and in my littleness, I couldn't reach the dear angels, whom I loved so dearly! And then Mom, seeing my tears, would comfort me and say they were only pretending, and even my brother, in a moment of sincere big-brotherhood, would admit he was pretending, too, and he couldn't feel their wings, either.
But a part of me still believes, even as I know angels are pure spirit, and don't fly overhead, that they did generate the breezes that caressed my tiny fingers, and that maybe my brother and my mother DID experience the sensation of feathers against their fingertips, held aloft in a moment of imagination, truly reaching upwards to God through His beautiful servants, our Guardians.
Our Fierce Protectors
Have you ever read the description of the Angels in the Bible? The term "Angel" really describes a role, as opposed to who they are. Maybe we adopt the term because, as humans, what we are is what we use to describe us. Angels are more insubstantial; they fulfill many roles, and collectively, we call these beings by one name even though they carry out different facets of the Will of God.
Have you read of the description of the Cherubim or the Seraphim? Have you taken in how fierce they are, how they worship Our Lord continually, how they do His will so perfectly?
And yet, they are so gentle that Abba gives them to the tiniest of children, entrusting such souls to their care. Guardian Angels can come from any one of the heirarchies of Angels...and each of them is fierce in their love for God, and their love for God's adopted children.
Naming One's Angel
I have read many things about naming one's Guardian Angel, and some of those articles seem quite convincing. There are many anecdotes about how people pray for a name, and it comes. (What's amazing to me is how many times those names are "Michael")
I used to pray to know my Angel's name, but then I read further, and found that, in spiritual warfare, names are important. Names are powerful, and the names of Angels...unpronounceable. All we could discern are derivatives. We must also remember the Fallen Angels, those demons that seek to steal us away from God, and those demons also have names. In an exorcism, the Exorcist asks for the name of the demon; that name can give the exorcist power over it...or, in the case of the unprepared...the power of the demon over the soul. Imagine, if you will, that you pray for the name of your Angel, and a Fallen Angel offers his name? Thus, when you pray, you pray to the name of the demon, entrusting yourself to it. And it chuckles, realizing that it now has you in it's power, freely given by you.
Names are important. Names have power.
We are not meant to know the names of our Holy Angels, those sweet Guardians. They remain nameless so that greater Glory can be given to God. Angels are humility nearly personified, remaining anonymous (but for those revealed in Sacred Scripture or Tradition), while those who give their names are seeking glory through their own pride.
If you pray, then, for a name to your Angel and there is a response, question the response...for who is being glorified when you call that name? How many have as their personal protector the Archangel Michael? How many have as a personal protector the Archangel Raphael?
How many people who claim to be reincarnated claim famous people as their own incarnation?
Do not those Angels, the ones named in Scripture, already have assignments? Any Saint or Angel can certainly be a special Patron, but our Guardian Angels are ours alone, assigned specifically to us, individually. Their names can't be known.
We as human beings are weak in the realm of the spirit, and we must trust the Our Lord and the Church to guide us. Certainly it is possible that our Guardian Angels might reveal their names to us, but I find it safer to follow the advice of recognized Exorcists to allow our Guardians to remain nameless so that we may call upon their Mission, not their name, in order to avoid calling upon the Nemesis.
It is important for us to recognize our Angels, but we can do this by using the mind of God, of remembering the virtue of Humility, and leaning on our Angels as we learn this foundational virtue.
I used to ask for my Angel's name...now I just pray to him, calling upon his title, for we are comfortable enough with one another that his name is not important; it is his function and subsequent relationship with me that glorifies God.
Our ways are not God's ways, and even if we do not understand His mysteries, we are bound to follow them. I thank God for my dear Angel, and look forward to finally learning his name, one day, when he finally carries me to the Father's eternal embrace.
Friday, October 03, 2008
Autumn Meme
Deb at UKOK did a "general tag" at her blog, and because autumn is my favorite season, well, I'm adopting this Meme as my own.
When does fall begin for you?
Here in Minnesota, it sorta begins in September, but the colors don't peak until mid-October. In northern Minnesota, they're already peaking in the middle or end of September.
What is your favorite aspect of fall?
Crisp temperatures that blend with the vivid colors against bright blue skies.
What is your favorite fall memory?
When I was a little girl, we lived in northern Illinois and had a Sugar Maple (think bright red leaves!) in our front yard. My brother and I used to climb the tree and hang out in the branches, in one of our few moments without the ugly reign of sibling rivalry. (I loved my brother to pieces in those moments.) When we felt like it, we'd jump into a pile of fallen leaves. There was a rule...the person who had last jumped had to rake the leaves up for the next person. My brother could always climb higher than I, and we actually had to put the picnic table at the base of the tree to enable me to climb onto the lowest branch. The first time Mom saw this happen, she rushed out, terrified, thinking we were falling out of the tree. Once she saw what we were doing and the large pile of leaves, she went back into the kitchen, content to watch through the window, admonishing us not to jump from any higher. It was maybe the one time we didn't disobey, and one of my most poignant memories of friendship with my brother.
What do you like to drink in the fall?
Spiced mead? (Actually, I've never had it but I have the spice packet in my cupboard). Red wine, hot cinnimon cider, hot chocolate. Above all...a really good Pinot Noir. The bouquet of burning leaves melds with the atmosphere at both table and campfire.
What is your favourite fall food? Garlic soup! French Onion Soup! Chicken Tortilla Soup! Soups! My Kingdom for a Soup!
What is fall weather like where you live? In Minnesota, it varies. We can range from the 30's at night (Fareinheit...below freezing at 32 degrees), to the 80's in the afternoon. The higher temps tend to be rare, so more average is 70's in September (20 Celcius?), to the 60's, to 50's as we progress towards November. I would have to say, though, that October is the most beautiful month of the year in this state (or at least my part of it in East Central Minnesota). Temps are comfortable, colors are beautiful, great sleeping weather, great outdoor weather....
What color is fall? Well, on my street, laden with the trees I can't name that all turn yellow this time of year and drop their leaves prior to peak...it's yellow. While my street is completely skeletal, the rest of the word is ablaze with color. The Sugar Maples, few in number in my neighborhood, start turning red from the top down, a brilliant nearly-neon red, losing their leaves at the tip, baring skeletal branches even while leaves at the base are still green. The Burning Bushes next to some of the buildings are vibrant in their orange-red color, the Sumac is red in the ditches, and everywhere there is a mix of green to yellow to orange to red. And don't forget about the yellow-green-brown reeds in the slough, the brown cattails, the black-eyed susans, the lavender (or at least lavender-colored) prairie flowers...and the taupe and black of the Canadian Geese. Fall is a cacaphony of color, the fulfillment of earthly brilliance, the olfactory climax of the best God's creation has to offer.
What does fall smell like? Fresh, crisp air, drying leaves, burning leaves, (like a good Pinot Noir....my favorite wine that tastes like burning leaves). And later, in November (if we're lucky), the scent of fresh snow even before the first flurry flies on the breeze.
Holiday shopping in fall: Holy-day shopping? Oh...we only have All Saints' and All Souls's day in the fall...I don't shop for those. I go to Mass. It's a LOT more fun than shopping. I hate shopping. Although I do shop for fall/winter clothing this time of year because it's nicer than summer clothing, it's more modest, and sometimes you can find the COOLEST sweaters! For cheap if you do it right!
Does this mean Christmas shopping? I just do Christmas shopping in Advent when I have some time here or there. Or just shop online. Computers are God's gift to us!
If you could go anywhere in the fall, where would you go? I'd like to head up highway 61 towards Thunder Bay (if you're not from MN...get a map!). I've also always wanted to travel up the New England coastline in the Fall. Although, honestly, anyplace with daytime temperatures in the 50's (F.), bright colors, and blue skies, well...that's enough for my contemplative romantic heart. The crashing of the waves only adds to the romance.
What is your favorite fall sport? Can't say I have one. I do fondly remember High School football games, trying to stay warm under a blanket, wearing a coat over my Band uniform (I was in the Flag Corps for Marching Band season), the bright lights of the field, the rivalry with a particular team....gotta say, it IS the season for Football! Now, where I used to hold frozen nachos in cardboard, I'm content with a beer along with my bad nachos!
A few years ago I also attended a Steeplechase, part of an Eventing competetion. For those not into horses: Eventing consists of three events: Dressage, where the horse and rider cover an arena through a series of proscribed steps and are judged on their showmanship and accuracy; the Steeplechase portion -there's another term that escapes me - that is a racecourse over turf (grass) and varying jumps, a few miles; and Stadium Jumping, where they try to perfectly jump a series in an arena.
I gotta say...that competetion STILL feeds my imagination, and I've decided that before I die, I need to compete in Eventing. That's about as likely as my other strong desire to compete in a true Downhill (skiiing).
Do you have a favorite fall chore? No. I avoid chores. I was introduced to chores as a child and didn't find them to my liking...that's why I bought a townhome. Which still requires too much work. And I still don't do them.
Ok, seriously...I never minded raking leaves. I've also picked up bushels and bushels of acorns at a local state park...I never want to see acorns again.
What is your least favorite thing about fall? I miss most of the beautiful weather due to work or school on the most perfect of weekends.
What is your favorite fall holiday? Well, here in the US we celebrate Thanksgiving the last Thursday in November. My understanding has changed over the years, and so now, I'm even more thankful, especially considering WHO we're thanking. I spent a semester in Mexico in 1994 so missed Fall that year, and thus Thanksgiving...but our Mexican hosts (through the school) brought us together to celebrate our National holiday with them. It wasn't the same; everything in nature was still green, the turkey was good but not quite the same as it is at home, and we were eating outside as though it was the 4th of July. But it was beautiful; for as we'd celebrated their National Day of Independence (including the Grito de Hidalgo) with them on September 16, so they celebrated with us the Feast of Thanksgiving. And we all gave Thanks to each other, as friends and as nations. God bless America...and God bless Mexico, my second home. If I ever fled America...I'd flee to them, my second family. Would Mexico welcome me back?
What’s your favorite kind of pie? I know I'm a Yankee, but there's nothing better in the Fall than a home-cooked Southern Pecan Pie! But as Pecans aren't so native here in Minnesota, I have to say that Mom's Apple Pie is at the top, as is Pumpkin Pie, and a few years ago a co-worker brought in her family's recipe: A Sweet Potato Pie! Do I REALLY have to pick a favorite? I also seem to recall a college friend whose family came up from New Orleans...and cooked us all an amazing Southern Dinner....including Sweet Potato Pie! (God bless Clarence and his family!)
Which do you prefer, the Farm or the Fair?
Hands down - the Farm! The pastures, the fallen apples, the splendid trees, the creek, the farm road, the cattle lowing near the barn..the scent of cider in the kitchen after a long day...
Do you have a favorite fall book? Um...a cookbook?
How about a favorite fall poem or quote? No. Most writers and their quotes speak of autumn as a season of oncoming death, but in autumn, I see life fulfilled in resplendent beauty.
Like UKOK...I tag those who love this season!
"Thy tears and thy sweat..."
It's been a long week, and a rough one, and next week will be even worse. I'm preparing for a talk, and for the same hostility I experienced last year. None of us, if we are giving authentic Catholic teaching, comes away unscathed.
But today I had to go to the doctor, so I brought along the book I've chosen for my paper in Spiritual Theology: The Dialogues of St. Catherine of Siena. What perfect timing, for I came across the following passage, so applicable to us all sweating and crying in the trenches:
Promises to ponder, from Our Savior to St. Catherine of Siena.
*
But today I had to go to the doctor, so I brought along the book I've chosen for my paper in Spiritual Theology: The Dialogues of St. Catherine of Siena. What perfect timing, for I came across the following passage, so applicable to us all sweating and crying in the trenches:
"Therefore I give My servants hunger and desire for My honour, and the salvation of souls, so that, constrained by their tears, I may mitigate the fury of My Divine Justice. Take, therefore, thy tears and thy sweat, drawn from the fountain of My divine love, and, with them, wash the face of My spouse.
I promise thee, that, by this means, her beauty will be restored to her, not by the knife nor by cruelty, but peacefully, by humble and continued prayer, by the sweat and the tears shed by the fiery desire of My servants, and thus will I fulfill thy desire if thou, on thy part, endure much, casting the light of thy patience into the darkness of perverse man, not fearing the world's persecutions, for I will protect thee, and My Providence shall never fail thee in the slightest need."
Promises to ponder, from Our Savior to St. Catherine of Siena.
*
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
The Scandalous Cross
I heard a speaker recently address the reality of the Cross, and the reality of Christ's love for us, individually, through His sacrifice. It wasn't new information for me (I've written of it here a few times), but it's always wonderful to hear it again, to take it in, and stare at the visual of Christ Crucified.
As the speaker pointed out, Jesus did not die for "humanity". "Humanity" is a concept; Our Lord did not sweat blood in the Garden of Gethsemane for some insubstantial concept; He suffered His Passion for each one of us, individually. When we look upon His sorrowful visage, His death upon the Cross, we should take time to consider that Jesus did this for each one of us as though we were the only one. ALL of that was for...us. Personally. Individually.
And that, he emphasized, is love. That is live-changing love. It's the love the Saints recognized, and through it, knew that they could hold nothing back in responding to such love.
Then he read the reproaches of Good Friday:
My Musings:
I left tonight, refreshed, loving Our Lord even more, reminded of His Sacrifice and our need. I left...convicted, but joyful in that conviction.
Yet, I continually run into people who say they are Catholic, but have no time to pray before the Blessed Sacrament. They consider Mass to be "all about community" and if one happens to mention the sacrifice of Christ, and that He offered the First Mass as He hung, nailed to the wood and dying...they back away. They change the subject. They emphasize a warm and fuzzy communal meal devoid of any cost. They want to hold hands and sing "All Are Welcome".
Yes...all ARE welcome to climb upon the wood just as Jesus asked us to do...and unite our sufferings with His. He doesn't deny us....WE deny HIM.
We can't be good Catholics, and we certainly can't be Saints unless we recognize the sacrificial love of Christ. It is what defines us and what has inspired, for centuries, the deaths of countless martyrs. People don't die so brutally for some insubstantial idea of a "communal meal". They die for Truth, and for a Sacrifice that gave them Truth.
The Church certainly IS a community, however, it would not exist but for the suffering, death, and resurrection of Our Lord. We cannot come to "the table" without recognizing that we are truly receiving the body, blood, soul, and divinity of Jesus Christ HIMSELF, and to ignore His sacrifice is to deny Him completely. Such denial is even worse than the kiss of Judas or the searing flesh-ripping whips that laid bare Jesus' bones.
The Cross is so scandalous that many living among us are still denying it, even as they wear it as jewelry or hang it on their wall. They prefer to think of Jesus as "a really nice guy" who "loves everyone" and just wants to make sure everyone has enough bread to eat.
It's no wonder that there aren't more Vocations, that people just dump their kids at the door for weekly religious education classes, or take them to Catholic school but don't live their faith. It's no wonder that the Confession lines are short and the Communion lines are long.
No one is looking upon the Cross and seeing the love of God. If they refuse to see the suffering servant, they can't possibly be inspired to return, out of their own love, such a great gift back to God.
The countries where Christians are being persecuted to such a degree that it's costing them their blood....THEY understand the Cross. THEY are inspired to give their lives for the Faith, either through Vocations or literally shedding their blood. We, here in America, we don't suffer enough. We don't know what suffering is; it's far to scandalous to actually address.
We have to accept the Cross, and we have to LIVE it. We have to be able to look at the agonizing expression of Christ, and allow Him to truly share His love with us...and be changed forever.
It's only by entering into that folly that we will ever be able to understand the Glory of God.
*
As the speaker pointed out, Jesus did not die for "humanity". "Humanity" is a concept; Our Lord did not sweat blood in the Garden of Gethsemane for some insubstantial concept; He suffered His Passion for each one of us, individually. When we look upon His sorrowful visage, His death upon the Cross, we should take time to consider that Jesus did this for each one of us as though we were the only one. ALL of that was for...us. Personally. Individually.
And that, he emphasized, is love. That is live-changing love. It's the love the Saints recognized, and through it, knew that they could hold nothing back in responding to such love.
Then he read the reproaches of Good Friday:
My people, What have I done to you? How have I offended you? Answer me!
I led you out of Egypt; but you led your Savior to the Cross.
For forty years I led you safely through the desert,
I fed you with manna from heaven,
and brought you to the land of plenty; But you led your Savior to the Cross.
O, My people! What have I done to you that you should testify against me?
My Musings:
I left tonight, refreshed, loving Our Lord even more, reminded of His Sacrifice and our need. I left...convicted, but joyful in that conviction.
Yet, I continually run into people who say they are Catholic, but have no time to pray before the Blessed Sacrament. They consider Mass to be "all about community" and if one happens to mention the sacrifice of Christ, and that He offered the First Mass as He hung, nailed to the wood and dying...they back away. They change the subject. They emphasize a warm and fuzzy communal meal devoid of any cost. They want to hold hands and sing "All Are Welcome".
Yes...all ARE welcome to climb upon the wood just as Jesus asked us to do...and unite our sufferings with His. He doesn't deny us....WE deny HIM.
We can't be good Catholics, and we certainly can't be Saints unless we recognize the sacrificial love of Christ. It is what defines us and what has inspired, for centuries, the deaths of countless martyrs. People don't die so brutally for some insubstantial idea of a "communal meal". They die for Truth, and for a Sacrifice that gave them Truth.
The Church certainly IS a community, however, it would not exist but for the suffering, death, and resurrection of Our Lord. We cannot come to "the table" without recognizing that we are truly receiving the body, blood, soul, and divinity of Jesus Christ HIMSELF, and to ignore His sacrifice is to deny Him completely. Such denial is even worse than the kiss of Judas or the searing flesh-ripping whips that laid bare Jesus' bones.
The Cross is so scandalous that many living among us are still denying it, even as they wear it as jewelry or hang it on their wall. They prefer to think of Jesus as "a really nice guy" who "loves everyone" and just wants to make sure everyone has enough bread to eat.
It's no wonder that there aren't more Vocations, that people just dump their kids at the door for weekly religious education classes, or take them to Catholic school but don't live their faith. It's no wonder that the Confession lines are short and the Communion lines are long.
No one is looking upon the Cross and seeing the love of God. If they refuse to see the suffering servant, they can't possibly be inspired to return, out of their own love, such a great gift back to God.
The countries where Christians are being persecuted to such a degree that it's costing them their blood....THEY understand the Cross. THEY are inspired to give their lives for the Faith, either through Vocations or literally shedding their blood. We, here in America, we don't suffer enough. We don't know what suffering is; it's far to scandalous to actually address.
We have to accept the Cross, and we have to LIVE it. We have to be able to look at the agonizing expression of Christ, and allow Him to truly share His love with us...and be changed forever.
It's only by entering into that folly that we will ever be able to understand the Glory of God.
*
Inherent Inequality
We hear a lot about "equality" in our society. We have the alleged inequalities between men and women (trumpeted by the radical feminists), the financial and social inequalities between the rich and the poor and everyone in between, and the inequalities in the "quality of life" of the sick in comparison to the healthy.
And it's important to address equality; for as human beings, indeed, to a certain degree we have equal status in God's eyes, for He created us according to His divine plan, out of His Divine Love, and we are to look at one another from that perspective; no matter what our social status.
And people have written of this before, but I think maybe we should look at the reality that "equality" is kind of a misnomer in the way that it is most commonly used. There's really no such thing as "equality" for God did not create the world as a barren plane.
In class a week ago, our professor discussed the hierarchical nature of creation; we touched on how everything shares in the Divine Nature to different degrees. The Angels are closer to God and are far more powerful than we are, and animals...well, they have souls, but are not immortal, as are we as humans, and the angels. Plant life is even lower, and rocks, and dirt, and minerals, etc.
And men and women...really not equal, either. Equal in dignity, yes, but we cannot take that sense of equality and take it to mean "exactly the same." Men and women have different gifts, for we were created to fulfill specific purposes. Everything we do is something that can't be done by someone else. All men are not equal in their gifts all women are not equal in their gifts.
This is not an error by God; it is His design. In this way, we are able to fit ourselves together in the community that draws us into our social and spiritual unities. It's part of what makes us the Mystical Body of Christ. It's what makes us families, and friends.
God ordered the world, and the Divine Institution of the Church as a hierarchy, and this pattern is found throughout creation; this foundational inequality ultimately draws us to Our Lord by forcing us to accept our weaknesses so that we might become humble, and sharing our strengths for the benefit of others, that they might become stronger. We are called to aid each other not only in physical things or intellectual things, but spiritually. And an important facet of this; we are called to accept the assistance of others as well.
None of us can become holy on our own. None of us was created to hang out and "worship God in our own way." Yes, we have a personal relationship with Him, but as part of that, God has called us into a family, a community, so that we might share our strengths and weaknesses alike, blending our inequalities so that the Kingdom will be greater, and the King will be glorified.
I may write more on this concept, for it's something that has broadened my understanding of many things; and it's something that one is able to observe in any social group.
We have got to get rid of the idea that "inequality is bad." No! It isn't! Inequality is what makes God GREAT!
And for now, I leave you with this reading from the Divine Office (Mid afternoon)
1 Corinthians 12:24b,25-26
And it's important to address equality; for as human beings, indeed, to a certain degree we have equal status in God's eyes, for He created us according to His divine plan, out of His Divine Love, and we are to look at one another from that perspective; no matter what our social status.
And people have written of this before, but I think maybe we should look at the reality that "equality" is kind of a misnomer in the way that it is most commonly used. There's really no such thing as "equality" for God did not create the world as a barren plane.
In class a week ago, our professor discussed the hierarchical nature of creation; we touched on how everything shares in the Divine Nature to different degrees. The Angels are closer to God and are far more powerful than we are, and animals...well, they have souls, but are not immortal, as are we as humans, and the angels. Plant life is even lower, and rocks, and dirt, and minerals, etc.
And men and women...really not equal, either. Equal in dignity, yes, but we cannot take that sense of equality and take it to mean "exactly the same." Men and women have different gifts, for we were created to fulfill specific purposes. Everything we do is something that can't be done by someone else. All men are not equal in their gifts all women are not equal in their gifts.
This is not an error by God; it is His design. In this way, we are able to fit ourselves together in the community that draws us into our social and spiritual unities. It's part of what makes us the Mystical Body of Christ. It's what makes us families, and friends.
God ordered the world, and the Divine Institution of the Church as a hierarchy, and this pattern is found throughout creation; this foundational inequality ultimately draws us to Our Lord by forcing us to accept our weaknesses so that we might become humble, and sharing our strengths for the benefit of others, that they might become stronger. We are called to aid each other not only in physical things or intellectual things, but spiritually. And an important facet of this; we are called to accept the assistance of others as well.
None of us can become holy on our own. None of us was created to hang out and "worship God in our own way." Yes, we have a personal relationship with Him, but as part of that, God has called us into a family, a community, so that we might share our strengths and weaknesses alike, blending our inequalities so that the Kingdom will be greater, and the King will be glorified.
I may write more on this concept, for it's something that has broadened my understanding of many things; and it's something that one is able to observe in any social group.
We have got to get rid of the idea that "inequality is bad." No! It isn't! Inequality is what makes God GREAT!
And for now, I leave you with this reading from the Divine Office (Mid afternoon)
1 Corinthians 12:24b,25-26
God has so constructed the body, that there may be no dissention in the body, but that all members may be concerned for one another. If one member suffers, all the members suffer with it; if one member is honored, all the members share its joy.
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Obedience
Today, each reading convicted me in some way. The first, from Eziekel, speaks of turning from virtue to iniquity...and dying.
And I know that I am deserving of death. Even as I sit at Mass, I plot my next sin...I can't even sit through Mass without offending God.
But God is merciful, so in the psalm, we are given a reminder of God's mercy, and His help in turning away from sin, for He will reveal the path. God knows we are weak, we are lost, and we are enslaved to our sins.
In the second reading, we were reminded to put others before ourselves, regarding others MORE IMPORTANT than ourselves. Again, there I was being smacked. Each and every word condemned me.
But the frosting on this cake of conviction came in the Gospel:
I am the disobedient daughter. I am told to go, I say I will, and then I sit on my duff and do other things. I rarely refuse and then think better of it; I simply lie and say I intend to do something I have no intention of fulfilling.
This afternoon, while praying the Divine Office, this thought was nagging at me. I looked up at Jesus in the tabernacle, knowing my guilt, knowing HE knows my guilt. And I wondered how I could climb out of the cesspool I've created. I considered some people I surmise to be very holy, but remembered some of their own flaws. We all have our favorite sins, we all have things we're working on.
We're not perfect...and it is from that poverty that we reach upward towards Our Crucified Lord.
It came to me that yes, I'm a mess and I'm very entrenched in my sins. But in some areas of my life, things are getting better. I'm not ignoring ALL of God's grace...only selected Grace. It's a Grace alone to recognize that.
And Our Lord reminded me this very afternoon...He's not giving up. He did not go to the Cross for me only to give up on me. He's not asking for me to perfect myself; He's asking me to keep getting up, and keep trying. I may be the disobedient daughter, but maybe one day I'll finally be the one who does the Father's will.
And I know that I am deserving of death. Even as I sit at Mass, I plot my next sin...I can't even sit through Mass without offending God.
But God is merciful, so in the psalm, we are given a reminder of God's mercy, and His help in turning away from sin, for He will reveal the path. God knows we are weak, we are lost, and we are enslaved to our sins.
In the second reading, we were reminded to put others before ourselves, regarding others MORE IMPORTANT than ourselves. Again, there I was being smacked. Each and every word condemned me.
But the frosting on this cake of conviction came in the Gospel:
A man had two sons.
He came to the first and said, 'Son, go out and work in the vineyard today.'
He said in reply, 'I will not, 'but afterwards changed his mind and went.
The man came to the other son and gave the same order.
He said in reply, 'Yes, sir,‘ but did not go.
Which of the two did his father's will?"
They answered, "The first."
I am the disobedient daughter. I am told to go, I say I will, and then I sit on my duff and do other things. I rarely refuse and then think better of it; I simply lie and say I intend to do something I have no intention of fulfilling.
This afternoon, while praying the Divine Office, this thought was nagging at me. I looked up at Jesus in the tabernacle, knowing my guilt, knowing HE knows my guilt. And I wondered how I could climb out of the cesspool I've created. I considered some people I surmise to be very holy, but remembered some of their own flaws. We all have our favorite sins, we all have things we're working on.
We're not perfect...and it is from that poverty that we reach upward towards Our Crucified Lord.
It came to me that yes, I'm a mess and I'm very entrenched in my sins. But in some areas of my life, things are getting better. I'm not ignoring ALL of God's grace...only selected Grace. It's a Grace alone to recognize that.
And Our Lord reminded me this very afternoon...He's not giving up. He did not go to the Cross for me only to give up on me. He's not asking for me to perfect myself; He's asking me to keep getting up, and keep trying. I may be the disobedient daughter, but maybe one day I'll finally be the one who does the Father's will.
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Twitterpated
I've had a lot of somber topics lately, and two posts today, so I thought I'd give you a post on the inner workings of Adoro's brain.
It's been an interesting week; busy at work, busy at home, irregular hours, and a medical condition that is freaking me out a little.
But the REAL event this week was one that caused me to send an email to a couple of friends, one I'm certain I'll never live down.
The topic?
HOLY CUTE GUY AT THE GROCERY STORE, BATMAN!
Yup. Adoro is a woman and she likes men. Stop pretending to be shocked.
Here's how it happened: I went to pick up some French bread to go with a recipe. After grabbing the bread I considered a couple other things from the deli, but passed them by. As I made my way to checkout, I became aware that some guy was doing the same thing and was right on my heels. I hurried more quickly, thinking maybe I'd "cut him off" and if I took a quick turn through organic foods, maybe I'd get out of his way. Nope. He continued, hot on my heels.
I searched the lines, all were long, so satisfied myself by heading to one of the express lanes. So did my male shadow stranger.
He seemed to be REALLY CLOSE to me. And while I'll admit I'm an affectionate person, I have my boundaries (arbitrary, admittedly) and I don't like ANYONE, especially a stranger, to stand too closely to me. An arm's length or more is nice...this guy was within my zone.
So I just didn't look at him, realizing that if I did I'd be shooting arrows in his general direction, so I just put my bread on the belt and waited behind the guy ahead of me with 17 items. All was well.
Out of my peripheral vision, I saw that my shadow-guy had a bag that might be ice...I didn't look too closely. And from somewhere out of left field, I had the idea that maybe it would be nice, especially considering I was annoyed, if I told the checker I'd pay for his item as well. Ice was cheap, I had only bread, I could afford to pay for 1 extra item, couldn't I?
But I dismissed this, even though it nagged at me. I had this odd desire to do something NICE for someone I'd never met. And even though I was annoyed and hadn't yet seen the person who was annoying me, I didn't have a sense of "danger". Just general, "I wanna get out of here and go home" that I always have when I'm running errands that suck.
Well, the checker finally got ahold of my bread, and as I moved forward, she also grabbed the item belonging to the guy behind me...which I realized wasn't ice, but was a bag of frozen chicken breasts. Just before she ran it, she asked if it was mine. Both he and I, at the same time, said that was his.
That was my first glance at him.
I nearly hit the floor at that point. At just a glance.
And just as I was thinking of the irony of my thoughts while in line, having to do with "the Good Samaritan", he stated, "And you'd think that there would be Good Samaritans in the world today..."
I think that's where I stopped breathing.
Seriously, suddenly I had to focus on every word I said.
That's right...Adoro was speechless.
But I forced myself, and said to him, trying not to drool, "Just so you know...if I pay for that (nodding at the frozen chicken) it will be coming home with me..."
The checker, apparently trying to be helpful, said to the guy, "Well, maybe you should follow HER!"
That's where think my heart may have stopped for a moment.
I couldn't even speak. Time stopped.
He saved me. He said, "Well, I was going make alfredo."
That's when my tongue came back, and instead of making a gutteral nonsensical sound, I uttered, "Oooh! Yummy!"
And he flashed me his smile, which I'd already seen, but that time it was in my direction. By that point I was considering how much I love Jesus and that I really needed to go before I volunteered the fact that I was making pasta, too.
Or, that, God forbid, the checker suggest we have dinner together.
I might well have accepted. And so I thanked the checker as she handed me my receipt, and as I walked away to bag my bread, the cute guy wished me a great night. I glanced back long enough to be polite and wish him one back...but not long enough to make eye contact and stop in time, drooling.
Drooling is SO unattractive. And so weird. But my gosh...I wonder if maybe it would have been WORTH it?
You must understand...this man was BEAUTIFUL. And I haven't reacted like THAT to a guy...maybe EVER.
So I'm a bit taken by surprise by my twitterpation. That's right. I had a moment of being twitterpated.
Yup. Me, Adoro, the woman who is used to working with guys and doesn't tend to be too impressed by them. Has worked with cops, and firefighters, ex-Special Forces, etc.
And there I was, confronted by a moment of attraction, and was rendered nearly speechless.
Oh, my. But he was beautiful. I'm sure he was a jerk. (My consolation).
I just have this sense that I missed an opportunity as I scurried out of the store that day, thinking, "I gotta go now....oh my...I should go...."
Stop laughing....!
It's been an interesting week; busy at work, busy at home, irregular hours, and a medical condition that is freaking me out a little.
But the REAL event this week was one that caused me to send an email to a couple of friends, one I'm certain I'll never live down.
The topic?
HOLY CUTE GUY AT THE GROCERY STORE, BATMAN!
Yup. Adoro is a woman and she likes men. Stop pretending to be shocked.
Here's how it happened: I went to pick up some French bread to go with a recipe. After grabbing the bread I considered a couple other things from the deli, but passed them by. As I made my way to checkout, I became aware that some guy was doing the same thing and was right on my heels. I hurried more quickly, thinking maybe I'd "cut him off" and if I took a quick turn through organic foods, maybe I'd get out of his way. Nope. He continued, hot on my heels.
I searched the lines, all were long, so satisfied myself by heading to one of the express lanes. So did my male shadow stranger.
He seemed to be REALLY CLOSE to me. And while I'll admit I'm an affectionate person, I have my boundaries (arbitrary, admittedly) and I don't like ANYONE, especially a stranger, to stand too closely to me. An arm's length or more is nice...this guy was within my zone.
So I just didn't look at him, realizing that if I did I'd be shooting arrows in his general direction, so I just put my bread on the belt and waited behind the guy ahead of me with 17 items. All was well.
Out of my peripheral vision, I saw that my shadow-guy had a bag that might be ice...I didn't look too closely. And from somewhere out of left field, I had the idea that maybe it would be nice, especially considering I was annoyed, if I told the checker I'd pay for his item as well. Ice was cheap, I had only bread, I could afford to pay for 1 extra item, couldn't I?
But I dismissed this, even though it nagged at me. I had this odd desire to do something NICE for someone I'd never met. And even though I was annoyed and hadn't yet seen the person who was annoying me, I didn't have a sense of "danger". Just general, "I wanna get out of here and go home" that I always have when I'm running errands that suck.
Well, the checker finally got ahold of my bread, and as I moved forward, she also grabbed the item belonging to the guy behind me...which I realized wasn't ice, but was a bag of frozen chicken breasts. Just before she ran it, she asked if it was mine. Both he and I, at the same time, said that was his.
That was my first glance at him.
I nearly hit the floor at that point. At just a glance.
And just as I was thinking of the irony of my thoughts while in line, having to do with "the Good Samaritan", he stated, "And you'd think that there would be Good Samaritans in the world today..."
I think that's where I stopped breathing.
Seriously, suddenly I had to focus on every word I said.
That's right...Adoro was speechless.
But I forced myself, and said to him, trying not to drool, "Just so you know...if I pay for that (nodding at the frozen chicken) it will be coming home with me..."
The checker, apparently trying to be helpful, said to the guy, "Well, maybe you should follow HER!"
That's where think my heart may have stopped for a moment.
I couldn't even speak. Time stopped.
He saved me. He said, "Well, I was going make alfredo."
That's when my tongue came back, and instead of making a gutteral nonsensical sound, I uttered, "Oooh! Yummy!"
And he flashed me his smile, which I'd already seen, but that time it was in my direction. By that point I was considering how much I love Jesus and that I really needed to go before I volunteered the fact that I was making pasta, too.
Or, that, God forbid, the checker suggest we have dinner together.
I might well have accepted. And so I thanked the checker as she handed me my receipt, and as I walked away to bag my bread, the cute guy wished me a great night. I glanced back long enough to be polite and wish him one back...but not long enough to make eye contact and stop in time, drooling.
Drooling is SO unattractive. And so weird. But my gosh...I wonder if maybe it would have been WORTH it?
You must understand...this man was BEAUTIFUL. And I haven't reacted like THAT to a guy...maybe EVER.
So I'm a bit taken by surprise by my twitterpation. That's right. I had a moment of being twitterpated.
Yup. Me, Adoro, the woman who is used to working with guys and doesn't tend to be too impressed by them. Has worked with cops, and firefighters, ex-Special Forces, etc.
And there I was, confronted by a moment of attraction, and was rendered nearly speechless.
Oh, my. But he was beautiful. I'm sure he was a jerk. (My consolation).
I just have this sense that I missed an opportunity as I scurried out of the store that day, thinking, "I gotta go now....oh my...I should go...."
Stop laughing....!
Poverty
Today is the Feast Day of St. Vincint de Paul, a name that is synonymous with poverty and outreach to the poor.
I certainly grew up hearing of his name associated with various funds and food shelves to benefit the poor, and I'm certain my own family received the benefits of works and donations by people dedicated to his mission.
Somewhere around my 8th or 9th year, Mom applied for welfare, and I don't remember a single day after that where we were not under the offical state heading of "poor". I remember bags of food being delivered to our apartment a few days before Thanksgiving and Christmas. I remember clothing showing up at our house, and Mom exclaiming over strange items as though they were the most beautiful fabrics she'd ever seen (even though they were things that should have been buried and left for dead.)
To this day, I have no fashion sense...I'm still too traumatized by the atrocites that were presented to us to understand what "fashion" means. If it fit, we wore it no matter how ugly it was. And we wore out the good stuff in order to avoid having to don things that should never have been conceived by the human imagination.
So I know poverty. I almost died rather that give in to it back in the winter of 1996-1997. At the time, I was in an apartment I couldn't afford, but which was easy to cover when I had the employment under which I'd obtained it. The rent: $600 per month for a one-bedroom. But I lost the job, and spent the next few months just trying to survive. I found a job that didn't pay me NEARLY enough (I'm in a similar situation now), and I didn't think I had ANY time off in my new job. So when I got sick, I went to work. For a day without pay meant I wouldn't eat, or would be short on rent.
So it was that one sickness bled into another, and I ended up with what I think was bronchitis. I woke up one night unable to either draw a breath or exhale. I could well have suffocated in my sleep. As it was, I sat straight up in bed, panicked, my lungs full, my sinuses full, paralyzed. But by a miracle of God, some residual passage must have been available as I coughed some awful stuff out, enabling me to breathe once again.
I laid back down, exhausted, terrified, thinking I should go to the hospital as I knew I might go to sleep and not wake up again. But I had no money, I had no insurance...and if I didn't work, I'd lose the roof over my head.
I never went to the doctor, and slowly, on my Nyquil and other OTC medications, I recovered.
That's poverty; where you won't go the doctor even when you're dying because you have to choose between that, eating, or paying the rent.
I never looked to the State to save me; I'd grown up that way. The State doesn't save; it ENSLAVES. I'd rather die than ever live in the enslaving sweat of taxpayers.
But poverty has a greater meaning.
We consider poverty only by its material meaning, but in reality, it has much more depth. Poverty isn't about the goods we have or have not. Poverty is spiritual.
Jesus said to us, "Blessed are the poor in spirit"
The "poor in spirit" are those who are impoverished not through financial means, but in a deficit of God.
I grew up materially poor, in a divorced family, on welfare and receiving major holiday dinners thanks to our parish. But God was always present, Jesus graced our home, and so we had abundance.
I have never been so poor as in that year I lost my job and couldn't pay my rent; for not only was I without financial well being, I was without God. And that was the greatest poverty of all.
Last year in our Old Testament class, we had to do a synthetic paper on of the the possible topics given by our professor. In speaking with other students, we learned how related was each topic; sacrifice, mercy, poverty, and the disadvantaged among others.
In looking at GOD'S definition of poverty, we see that the disadvantaged are those who are in sin, who have deprived themselves of God, or who never knew Him. THAT is true poverty.
God does clearly teach that we need to care for those with material needs, but what is so wrong in our culture is that the spiritually poor are being ignored, or encouraged in pursuing their poverty. It is a poverty of morality, a poverty of spirit that no one seems to WANT to recognize.
I see so many people arguing for the financial condition of this country, and for their homes and for money for various things. I see so many Catholics arguing for Social Justice and working for social services, and, yes, these things are important. But they aren't everything.
They aren't eternity. The problem is, that even in many (if not most) of these allegedly Catholic programs, there is no soul; there is no morality. It's all about the material to the detriment of the spirit. We are enabling sin, ignoring the need for conversion.
I am a woman who has grown up poor, stand to likely lose my own home in the coming months given the current crisis, but I don't consider that poverty.
So many religious communities are in economically poor neighborhoods, and they are doing incredible work. But the wealthy neighborhoods are being ignored. The Middle Class neighborhoods...where are those?
I'd argue that THOSE places harbor the true poor, for those are the people who have the financial goods to do amazing things, and yet they compartmentalize their lives. They maybe give to charity, but skip Mass on Sunday. They maybe have a crucifix or Bible in their home...but it's only gathering dust.
There is no greater poverty than to be without God. Give me my untreated bronchitis any day, as long as I don't have to suffer it without our Lord.
All of us will die someday. We don't get to take stuff with us. Our goal is eternity in union with God; focusing only on material poverty only makes us poorer.
Let us always remember that as Jesus charged us to care for the poor, we must remember ALL definitions of that term, and if we care for the body to the neglect of the soul, we have not lived up to His Word.
We will all be judged by such an omission.
I certainly grew up hearing of his name associated with various funds and food shelves to benefit the poor, and I'm certain my own family received the benefits of works and donations by people dedicated to his mission.
Somewhere around my 8th or 9th year, Mom applied for welfare, and I don't remember a single day after that where we were not under the offical state heading of "poor". I remember bags of food being delivered to our apartment a few days before Thanksgiving and Christmas. I remember clothing showing up at our house, and Mom exclaiming over strange items as though they were the most beautiful fabrics she'd ever seen (even though they were things that should have been buried and left for dead.)
To this day, I have no fashion sense...I'm still too traumatized by the atrocites that were presented to us to understand what "fashion" means. If it fit, we wore it no matter how ugly it was. And we wore out the good stuff in order to avoid having to don things that should never have been conceived by the human imagination.
So I know poverty. I almost died rather that give in to it back in the winter of 1996-1997. At the time, I was in an apartment I couldn't afford, but which was easy to cover when I had the employment under which I'd obtained it. The rent: $600 per month for a one-bedroom. But I lost the job, and spent the next few months just trying to survive. I found a job that didn't pay me NEARLY enough (I'm in a similar situation now), and I didn't think I had ANY time off in my new job. So when I got sick, I went to work. For a day without pay meant I wouldn't eat, or would be short on rent.
So it was that one sickness bled into another, and I ended up with what I think was bronchitis. I woke up one night unable to either draw a breath or exhale. I could well have suffocated in my sleep. As it was, I sat straight up in bed, panicked, my lungs full, my sinuses full, paralyzed. But by a miracle of God, some residual passage must have been available as I coughed some awful stuff out, enabling me to breathe once again.
I laid back down, exhausted, terrified, thinking I should go to the hospital as I knew I might go to sleep and not wake up again. But I had no money, I had no insurance...and if I didn't work, I'd lose the roof over my head.
I never went to the doctor, and slowly, on my Nyquil and other OTC medications, I recovered.
That's poverty; where you won't go the doctor even when you're dying because you have to choose between that, eating, or paying the rent.
I never looked to the State to save me; I'd grown up that way. The State doesn't save; it ENSLAVES. I'd rather die than ever live in the enslaving sweat of taxpayers.
But poverty has a greater meaning.
We consider poverty only by its material meaning, but in reality, it has much more depth. Poverty isn't about the goods we have or have not. Poverty is spiritual.
Jesus said to us, "Blessed are the poor in spirit"
The "poor in spirit" are those who are impoverished not through financial means, but in a deficit of God.
I grew up materially poor, in a divorced family, on welfare and receiving major holiday dinners thanks to our parish. But God was always present, Jesus graced our home, and so we had abundance.
I have never been so poor as in that year I lost my job and couldn't pay my rent; for not only was I without financial well being, I was without God. And that was the greatest poverty of all.
Last year in our Old Testament class, we had to do a synthetic paper on of the the possible topics given by our professor. In speaking with other students, we learned how related was each topic; sacrifice, mercy, poverty, and the disadvantaged among others.
In looking at GOD'S definition of poverty, we see that the disadvantaged are those who are in sin, who have deprived themselves of God, or who never knew Him. THAT is true poverty.
God does clearly teach that we need to care for those with material needs, but what is so wrong in our culture is that the spiritually poor are being ignored, or encouraged in pursuing their poverty. It is a poverty of morality, a poverty of spirit that no one seems to WANT to recognize.
I see so many people arguing for the financial condition of this country, and for their homes and for money for various things. I see so many Catholics arguing for Social Justice and working for social services, and, yes, these things are important. But they aren't everything.
They aren't eternity. The problem is, that even in many (if not most) of these allegedly Catholic programs, there is no soul; there is no morality. It's all about the material to the detriment of the spirit. We are enabling sin, ignoring the need for conversion.
I am a woman who has grown up poor, stand to likely lose my own home in the coming months given the current crisis, but I don't consider that poverty.
So many religious communities are in economically poor neighborhoods, and they are doing incredible work. But the wealthy neighborhoods are being ignored. The Middle Class neighborhoods...where are those?
I'd argue that THOSE places harbor the true poor, for those are the people who have the financial goods to do amazing things, and yet they compartmentalize their lives. They maybe give to charity, but skip Mass on Sunday. They maybe have a crucifix or Bible in their home...but it's only gathering dust.
There is no greater poverty than to be without God. Give me my untreated bronchitis any day, as long as I don't have to suffer it without our Lord.
All of us will die someday. We don't get to take stuff with us. Our goal is eternity in union with God; focusing only on material poverty only makes us poorer.
Let us always remember that as Jesus charged us to care for the poor, we must remember ALL definitions of that term, and if we care for the body to the neglect of the soul, we have not lived up to His Word.
We will all be judged by such an omission.
Guest Post - Saint CK's Holy Card
CK is one of my regular readers, and I tagged her in the post below. Here is her response:
I think I’d be represented by a reclusive mouse. No matter how quietly I hide behind my rock, God keeps prodding me out to do things for which mice are not equipped. (Apparently I can’t even hide behind my lack of a blog or screen name – I still get tagged for a meme!)
The first picture is me saying, “Back off, man!” The other is me with the Lion of Judah.
I recently went to the Cleveland Museum of Art’s reopening and they have a weaponry room full of intricately engraved swords. They have an exquisite two-handed sword on display and I was looking at it thinking about how the Truth is sharper than any double-edged sword. It’s kind of comical to be a Christian and drag around a sword that I am not even strong enough to lift off the ground. Here I come! The mouse with a sword –raaarrrrrrrr! Photoshop that sword into a mouse’s hands and you’ve got my holy card.
I want to be the Patron of Atheists, Scientists, Catechists, the Mentally Ill, and the Poor Souls.
~ CK
I recently went to the Cleveland Museum of Art’s reopening and they have a weaponry room full of intricately engraved swords. They have an exquisite two-handed sword on display and I was looking at it thinking about how the Truth is sharper than any double-edged sword. It’s kind of comical to be a Christian and drag around a sword that I am not even strong enough to lift off the ground. Here I come! The mouse with a sword –raaarrrrrrrr! Photoshop that sword into a mouse’s hands and you’ve got my holy card.
I want to be the Patron of Atheists, Scientists, Catechists, the Mentally Ill, and the Poor Souls.
~ CK
Well....I think she's got them all covered...she's already one of MY patrons! (Well, patronesses...!) And no Reepicheep jokes!
Does anyone want to offer to photoshop for CK?
~ Adoro
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