Privilege

Between work and school and trying to keep a  handle on my personal life right now, I'm so stressed out I'm ready to scream.

The only reason I don't is because I realize screaming won't actually solve anything.

I haven't had a day off in weeks, especially considering that my last "weekend" 2 weeks ago was filled with intense stressful paper-writing that essentially went nowhere. Then we had a class weekend...which isn't time off, of course. And then straight into work.

Tuesday I was sick and so traded my "day off" this week, so got nothing done...but catching up on sleep and wondering if I had a fever and what that meant for the rest of my work week where taking time off wasn't an option.

Yesterday was a long, late day at work. Today was a 12 hour day, and I DIDN'T want to be there. I wanted to be home, resting, working on my papers..my last papers. Or at least trying to gather myself. But no.

I have nothing but "events" going on this week and next week at work. One thing to the next without any real time to actually prepare for it. It's just GO-GO-GO-GO-GO-GO!. I'm exhausted just thinking about it.

Tonight, as I was at one of those "events" which, as usual, was actually coming together while we were doing it (as opposed to knowing concretely what was going to happen before it did....you know, the way most people run events), just before I had to speak, something hit me...yet again.

I realized what a privilege it is to speak of Christ and our Salvation. To provide Church teaching on the Sacraments, on our Faith...on Our Lord. To go before a group of people and announce that yes, I am there because I'm in love with Jesus, but only because He loved me first.

It's a privilege, not only in participating in this lofty endeavor of handing on the Faith, but to realize I'm doing so in a place where I'm not likely to lose my life for doing so. And those people who attended weren't going to risk death to learn about God.

Yes, I'm stressed out and overwhelmed and can't wait to have a day off (Maybe Monday and Tuesday, if I'm lucky!), but I know in all the insanity that is involved in parish work, I have to remember that none of it is for me. I'm not doing it for myself. I'm doing it for God's glory and to build up His Kingdom, according to His Command and my Baptismal obligation.

I may actually fail miserably in my efforts, but I know, without a doubt, that especially where I fail, somehow God' grace will succeed such that everyone will know and recognize that Jesus is Lord.

Thank you, Jesus.

It's your Church. I'm going to bed.