Our Lady of Perpetual Help and Evangelization

Last night a friend gave me a wonderful gift; a copy of the icon of Our Lady of Perpetual Help, purchased in Rome, and blessed by the Holy Father.

I am floored by this gift and although she likely considers it to be quite casual and not really a big deal, this gift means a great deal to me, for many reasons.

Today I set out to purchase a simple frame, thinking to just do something quick to preserve it from inadvertant damage, and then shop for the right frame at a later date. But another friend today encouraged me to at least get it matted, and then the framing will be simpler later. Agreed.

So I went to a nearby Michael's, glanced through a few matts, and realized assistance was needed. The man who assisted me commented he really liked the colors in the icon and helped me to select a few options, then recommended a double matt, which really helps to set off the image. Several worked, but I decided on blue over brushed gold, and a frame which is simple yet decorative, somewhat of a bronze color.

While we were choosing the colors and the frame, we discussed art, and I explained the history of OLPH, just briefly, the legend of her origins, and the meaning of the icon. I pointed out several things, such as how all the lines point to Jesus, how Our Lady points to Him, and about how this icon is all about the mystery of the Redemption. I pointed out some other symbols as well, and explained, in answer to some of his questions, what little I know of iconography and that it doesn't just involve images of Mary and Jesus, but Biblical depictions, Apostles, and Saints.

He was very clearly interested and I saw that he was "seeing" the icon by the end of our conversation, not just as a casual piece of art, but something that means something. He thanked me for the art lesson. :-)

As this is a blessed image, it is a sacramental, so I had determined to correctly seat and frame it permanently, so paid the money to do so today. I shouldn't have spent the money, but who knows? Perhaps one day this image will become a gift to someone else, just as it was a gift to me. Sometimes even when it costs us, it is the right thing to do to take our treasure and treat it properly so that someone else may benefit even more down the road.

So even as we conversed about the framing options, pricing, and all the details, I offered prayers that the blessing on this icon at the Holy Father's hands would carry on to this man. For those unfamiliar with our Catholic understanding of blessed objects, the wording in the blessing pronounced by the priest (or in this case, the Pope) has to do not so much with the object, but that all those who use it or gaze upon it be blessed and drawn in closer to what that image is about; Redemption. I do not know anything about this man, only that he indicated somewhat hesitantly that he is a Christian. My prayer to OLPH was that she would reach out to him and draw him inward, so I took special care to point out her eyes, and how the eyes of the icon really draw us into it, invite us into the mystery portrayed, like a window.

I had mentioned that St. Alphonsus has a shrine to OLPH, and he expressed surprise. Apparently he is familiar with the church, so I explained where the shrine can be found.

Based on the conversation we had today, it sounds like OLPH has drawn another soul closer to her so that she can lead him even closer to her Son.

I never realized the simple task of paying to have an icon framed could also become an act of evangelization. May the man and any others who looked upon this icon today be abundantly blessed and consoled by the love of God.

Our Lady of Perpetual Help, Pray for us!

The View From Above

I was nearly hoping today that I would be met at the door by a group of my management, escorted to a closed office, and dismissed. I was nearly in tears as I drove in today, not at the thought of the humiliation of being terminated, but rather at having to stick it out for one more day.

I've experienced burnout before, but never to this degree, never without an end in sight, never from a position in which I am so completely trapped. And I have to admit, I feel abandoned by God in some ways because nothing is happening and I can't find an escape hatch from this professional burial ground. And I'm running out of air.

Funny thing, though; God uses the every-day to get our attention and teach us lessons we would not otherwise understand.

I've been dealing with a customer who had a bad experience with a new vehicle. Unfortunately, due to some bad advice she was given, she's now in an even worse position. I explained her position up front, having to be very careful to let her know that I was not giving any final answer, just defining the worst case and probable scenario while I worked to research the issue for her. I had to give her a lot of information, which, I knew, at the time didn't make a lot of sense. I realized I'd be having this discussion with her again.

Indeed.

Today we spoke again. I had spoken with the person who made the error, learned something additional, and called the customer to follow up.

She was very upset. She expressed that she literally felt like everyone had abandoned her and because she had to make calls on her own to another company to step up and handle the situation, that she was totally on her own. In reality, this woman experienced a miracle; she managed to get this other company to do something I had NEVER been able to get them to do in my years in this job. Nor had I ever met anyone else who had success with them. And so quickly! No, they aren't resolving her problem...not yet...but it looks promising.

She continued to vent, telling me how unhappy she was with me, with us as a company, with the person who made the error, and how abandoned she was.

I sympathized with her; she had a point, and certainly I did understand it. But I had to remind her that I had been very up front with her with regard to what she was facing; she agreed with that. But she was still angry.

Somehow we managed to go point by point, in a very logical manner, and I did a lot of listening. She said what she had to say, and while she was upset, she was rational and recognized the humanity of all parties involved. I actually found her to be quite refreshing, for this was a woman who had a right to be frustrated and angry, but who had the balance to be able to discuss the issues and even HEAR the answers.

I told her how amazed I was with what she had accomplished, and explained why; I explained the process I'd have to follow in accordance with company policy and state law. I explained the detriment to her, the time frame, and the historical response from the other company, likely due to their own policies. I explained the frustration on our end because of the stonewalling, delays, etc., and that I have NEVER gotten the response that she did. I explained how she had knocked down barriers that can not be ovecome from our end.

She was amazed, too. She was under the impression that we, being in "the biz" had all the clout and that things would be easier. How far from the reality of the situation!

Somewhere during this conversation, I realized that I was so clearly able to see her entire situation as a big picture; I knew the steps, I knew the legalities, I knew all the little pieces that had to fall into place. I knew the players involved and what they do and don't do. And I also knew the unfortunate customer's position because I'd worked with and for so many like her.

But she had a very small view; she had her notions as to how things should go, and had no idea how large the picture really was. During our conversation, I revealed to her all the workings behind the scenes, and remined her also of the fact of real people doing real things to work towards a decision or resolution of this issue.

She was amazed. She was floored. She was delighted to learn that things WERE happening, even though she couldn't see it. She was thrilled to learn that all the people involved really DO care about her situation and truly want to help her.

Is this beginning to sound familar to anyone?

I'm going to come out and say it; this scenario I lived out professionally today is exactly the scenario I've been living out spiritualy for a long time now.

I know I'm miserable. So does God. So do the Angels and the Saints. Everyone knows I want resolution, and everyone knows my preconcieved ideas as to what that resolution should be, and perhaps it is...but that doesn't mean other things have to be done first. It's a process, but one far more complicated than what I described to my customer today.

God sees the entire picture. He sees my problem, he really is helping, and so are all those Saints to whom I have prayed for intercession. I have experienced much grace this week, in spite of all my trials. I have experienced real affirmations of intercession. I still don't have the big picture; but God does.

And one other point, perhaps a very important one; I revealed to my customer today how detrimental our involvement would be in this situation, and how she's accomplished so much and knocked down barriers by virtue of the fact that we could NOT be involved.

And that little interior voice is telling me the same thing; if God was doing it all for me, crucial things would not be overcome, because I'm the only one with the authority to knock down those barriers. There are certain things I have to do myself, certain steps I have to take, and no matter what, God remains in charge of when those barriers fall and which remain erected.

I think we can all identify, because we all challenge God, we all want things our way. But as it says, God's ways are not our ways, which is as it should be, for He has the grand-scale view, He's reading the blueprints, he's designing the blueprints and he's tracking our progress.

When I was a kid, one of my favorite songs in church was, "I believe in God", typical of the folksy liturgical style of the times. But I have to admit, that song has remained with me and still serves to remind me that things are not always as they seem.

"I believe in the sun, even when it isn't shining.
I believe in love, even when there's no one there.
And I believe in God
I believe in God
Even when He is silent."

I learned today that God is not nearly so silent as I thought.

Solemnity of the Sacred Heart

Sacred Heart of Jesus, I place all my trust in thee!

Bleeding Hearts and Bluebells

Once again, Sarah over at Just Another Day of Catholic Pondering has inspired me. She is SO GOOD at that!

She posted these beautiful photos of bluebells and bleeding heart flowers recently, and it makes me wax nostalgic. (Like that's hard for me.)

Until I was ten, I lived in the Rock River valley in Illinois. We had a rambler in a little rural neighborhood in view of the river. Our acre lot was bordered, near the house, by a fence to separate our yard from the neighbor's and another neighbor's garden..and up against the fence we had a raspberry bush, a lilac bush, bluebells, irises, and bleeding hearts.

I'm not sure when exactly I became aware of the flowers and fruit that graced our yard, but I do remember that it all came into my radar all at once.

First it was the lilacs; they were so fragrant, and so fleeting, although as I've gotten older I've realized exactly HOW fleeting are those blooms, and I love them that much more for their brevity. They must be loved intensely to make up for their temporary presence in scent and beauty. There is a spiritual lesson in that, isn't there? In God's eyes, our own lives are even more fleeting, even more unique, and he loves us far more intensely, yet he has given us these little examples of life in the Garden we shunned through Adam and Eve. I fully believe that in Eden, these blossoms were eternal.

Then the irises; I became fascinated by their purply-blue color and yellow centers, and I remember picking one to bring to my neighbor, Ethel, whom I loved dearly. I was a shy child, but she had the ability to make anyone feel comfortable, and she rewarded my bravado in visiting her with a piece of candy. So I picked flowers and gave them to her in exchange for her loyalty and her sweets. It was she who helped me identify the mysterious beauty in our back yard. I think that on one occasion, she walked around the little flower garden with me, waiting for me to ask the questions, answering them to the best of her ability.

The Irises were next to the Bluebells, and I knew as soon as she said the word where they got their name. I loved the curve of the stem, the delicate curvature of the "bell" and the tiny little "clapper" that jutted outward for the bees. I wondered if they would really ring if we shook them. They fascinated me.

But my favorite flower of all favorite flowers at the time was...the Bleeding Heart. For those unfamiliar with this flower, they grow on a bush and hang in a row, like little hearts, their literal shape, appearing to be dripping from the bottom.

I especially liked to gaze upon those flowers when I was sad, or happy, or experiencing any intense emotion, because they seemed to contain it all.

My Mom had a devotion to the Sacred Heart of Jesus and the Immaculate Heart of Mary, so whenever I saw the bleeding hearts in the back yard, I was seeing Jesus and Mary, but especially Jesus, for his Sacred Heart was on our family Bible. When I saw Bleeding Hearts, I saw God's love, and I took those flowers so personally!

Sadly, I do not have a green thumb, and my complete inability to keep plants alive makes me appreciate God's creation that much more, for I know that where I fail, God is perfected, so I am content to simply allow creation to bloom around me.

Spring is such a beautiful, transient time of year; we are now in the lull, the limbo between spring and summer in Minnesota. The early blooms have withered away, and the summer blooms are only beginning to take place, but there are none so beautiful to me as those precious flowers of my childhood, the ones that captured my heart so long ago, remain with me today, even if I can enjoy them only in photos.

Of Toddlers, Temper Tantrums, and Timely Blessings

I think Father V. at Adam's Ale is rubbing off on me. He's fond of alliteration, and now here I go, copying his style.

Anyway, this is a long post alert. None of you should be surprised. You KNOW I can't keep my mouth shut!

Of Toddler and Temper Tantrums

Sometimes I think I paint a picture of myself on this blog that is not entirely accurate. Sometimes I get the impression that some readers think of me as some kind of "spiritual giant." As my previous post and some others like it should prove, I am nothing of the sort.

Today as I locked my computer, logged off my phone, and headed out the door, I considered some of the recent events of my life and the posts I've read recently by other bloggers, most notably Terry at Abbey Roads2 and Happy Catholic.

I have been struggling in my work for at least 3 years now. I've been there for almost five. My first year was very hard, but I had a goal, so it made the work bearable, but I couldn't lie to myself or anyone else...I hated it. Then I got promoted to my current position, and for about a year, I actually loved my job...mostly. Then things changed, and the company has gone downhill, the job has changed, and what I loved about it before no longer exists....that, and I've grown as a human being. I am not in the same spiritual place and those things I loved...well, let's just say that they are not things that are compatible with growing in virtue. Not for me, anyway. Perhaps others could handle the work and the focus of it without being so affected, but I am not one of those people. You all see how emotional I am; I wear my heart on my sleeve. My temperment is not compatible with my situation. Thus suffering ensues.

Yes, suffering is redemptive, and I've gone through phases...sometimes I'm able to accept my lot and trudge along, sometimes I'm barely keeping my rebellion at bay...and sometimes, the rebel in me is let loose in full fury and chaos reigns.

I am nothing but a spiritual toddler, kicking and screaming in my own little spiritual and emotional temper tantrums, telling God, "I will not serve!" even as I return to my work each day, grumbling, yet trying to hard, still telling God, "I am not going to do this!." And even as my words convey my feelings, my actions must be obedient, and God knows this, and tolerates my insolence. He knows I have no choice, and he knows this because he placed me in this very spot.

Today as I left, I considered one of my patrons, John Paul II. He helped me with my class spring semester this year, and has greatly opened my eyes to many theological matters. I've found him easy to talk to, and in doing so, he has lead me to answers.

Today, as I conversed in my prayer to this uncanonized saint, he reminded me of the posts I read, and asked me to consider what they told me. They are a mirror of myself and my reactions to things. They reflect what I do not want to see...that being my rebellion and my tantrums. I know that things happen on God's time, and I am reacting out of not necessarily frustration with God, but my own frustration with myself. I try to rely on myself far too much and end up leaving God out of the equation. I haven't found the balance of God's grace, my acceptance of it, and the actions I'm supposed to take versus the actions I want to take and my demands to God to fulfill what I want.

I say oh-so-piously, "Thy will be done," but what I reallly mean is "MY will be done."

God definitely knows our hearts, and even if we talk ourselves into saying we want God's will to be done, in reality, we are still praying to ourselves out of our own self-love, and God will certainly answer that prayer by allowing us to wallow in our own self-deceptive ways. It's the only way we can learn, and it's far more effective than a slap on the folded hands.

We inflict our own punishments. God doesn't have to do a thing. He just sits back and loves us enough to let us learn from our trials, most of which we cause for ourselves.

Then we kick and scream, we make demands, and finally God speaks up and asks, "Just WHO are you praying to?"

And then, maybe then, we stop long enough to listen to what he has to say, because that question is shocking in its simplicty.

Today, I realized that all my prayers are constantly being answered, even before I pray. In the context of my job, a few years ago God, seeing what was coming for he created me, drew me very close to him. I was attending Daily Mass and my work schedule allowed it. I was skipping lunch and going to adoration at a nearby chapel. I didn't realize it, but this was actually a fast. I once went almost two weeks without eating lunch, and I didn't care about the hunger, for the greater hunger was being met....my relationship with Our Savior.

Then it hit...bad management, friction with a certain key co-worker, realization that I had no future in my position, an impossible workload....and a possible call to religious life.

He saw my need and answered it, giving me strength to persevere when otherwise I would have run away. I was falsely accused, but the accusation and closed-door meeting happened upon my return from lunch Adoration, and I kept my eyes on the crucified Lord, as directed interiorly to do.

The suffering has continued...I have not found an escape.


TIMELY BLESSINGS

The Saints choose us...I'm convinced of that.

During my struggles, I was also making my entrance into the Church, and it was a long painful year, for even as I returned, I knew God was calling me to more, and I was so torn between the world and the spiritual life. Even as I suffered in the temporal realm, there was great joy in the spiritual, even as I suffered there as well.

One day I was in the back of the chapel, having an arrangement to wait until the end of the line to go to Confession with Father. I could not control my tears, I was struggling with so many things, and the waiting was unbearable. I sat, crying silently, looking at Jesus. I was near the statue of St. Therese the Little Flower; I've always had a devotion to her, even if marginal. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a woman wearing a black chapel veil standing next to me. She nudged me gently and held a little homemade booklet out to me. Stooping slightly, whispering, she said to me, "I brought this here tonight for someone who wanted it, but that person is not here. I think I'm supposed to give it to you."

That little booklet was a series of prayers and novenas to St. Therese the Little Flower. That same year, shortly after, I said a brief novena to her, and in October, a flower bush outside my door burst into bloom, 3 flowers only. My other bush, nothing. Some of my neighbors have the same bushes, the same light exposure...no blooms anywhere else.

Then God sent me St. Francis de Sales, and his words of wisdom headed off some other crises. Next was Fr. Walter Ciszek, a Jesuit priest who spent 23 years imprisoned in Stalin's labor camps in Siberia, falsely accused. The parallels with my situation are undeniable, spiritually speaking, and given the hardship of his everyday life, his story gives me strength when facing my own problems.

God is upping the ante on me yet again, and I'm noticing the pattern...whenever he invites me deeper, to take on more in service to Him, the temporal issues become greater and more intense. The job is usually at the forefront of this type of suffering.

Yet, I am not alone. He sends in the troops. He sends me to His Mother.

Our Lady of Perpetual Help has become my perpetual help. I have quite literally felt my hands in hers, I have recieved affirmations of her intercession, and now, the Saints are coming out of the woodwork.

St. Rita (two people, in two days, brought her to me), St. Anthony (today is his feast day), Walter Ciszek, reminding me of his aid to me every day in my work, John Paul II, with his apostolic guidance with a personal touch...and so many others!

There is another Saint especially dear to my heart, for his was a household name for us. Our family prayed to him before he was ever canonized; Padre Pio. He was a friend of my great uncle, who met him during the war. I still have a letter from that uncle (the one who wanted me to be a teacher and offered to pay for my education), indicating that he added my brother and I to Padre Pio's spiritual family long ago.

Padre Pio is so close to us that I have a hard time referring to him as "Saint Pio", because, to me, he will always be "Padre", the grumpy "uncle" bearing the wounds of Christ. I'm certain it's this grumpy "uncle" who brought me back home, and I KNOW that he's the one who brought me back to Confession.

Yet for me, he remains on the outskirts of my spiritual awareness. I pray to him for his intercession, but more often, he doesn't answer those prayers directly, but instead places me in a position to bring his intercession to someone else. He has used me to bring signs of confirmation for prayers heard, he has used me to cousel others, he has used me to make connections on behalf of others. I didn't know of the connections until they happened and the other party revealed them to me.

Yet he terrifies me; my impression of him is of his grumpiness, although I know he was exceedingly kind, and wise, and holy. I have a sense that he is impatient with me, and well he should be...for I am a spiritual toddler when he has desired I be "raised" to be more like Christ. I fall short through my own fault, in spite of every grace given to me. How he must have sighed in impatience at yesterday's post!

But the Lord is faithful, and even in our imperfections, our spiritual childhood, he stays his hand and bears us up one more time.

I am such a mess of a human being...I am so often a bumbling idiot, and I am so grateful for the Lord's patience and the presence of our Holy Mother.


Yes, I am suffering, I hate my job, and that will continue. God has not seen fit to move me, and God seems to be very forgiving of my temper tantrums. He has sent me to Our Lady of Perpetual Help, He has sent me Saints, he has sent me angels, he has sent me people on earth.

My friends, I have no right to complain about anything; I have all the blessings available, and yet, I know I will continue to suffer in misery because that is our plight on earth.

We all suffer, but even in suffering, we have to recognize the blessings, because, it seems, the blessings are more obvious and abundant when we are in the throes of abject misery.

Our God is a God of mercy and paradox; and thus in true form, I must admit I am praying for more mercy and less paradox. Because, spiritual toddler that I am, I know I should be praying for God's will, but I'm going to be honest with you all...I'm praying for my will, and I need help in overcoming such a prayer.

And that's all I have to say about that. You can wake up and go home now. Come back and visit again sometime, especially if you need a nap.

The Situation Groweth Dire

I don't know how much longer I can hold out. I can NOT do this job anymore. I can't go into it, but I'm having moral issues with my work, and I can't get out of this industry soon enough.

We're in our busy season and we're supposed to be in robot-mode. I don't have a robot-mode. Someone forgot to tell the Company that they hired human beings. My entire team is ready to walk off the job. We love our Manager, and if it were not for him, we'd all be gone. But we can't remain miserable just because we happen to like our leader.

Today is Day 9 of my Novena to Our Lady of Perpetual Help. I know that she has been interceeding for me, for I have experienced much grace of late, very directly connected to her. One of my intentions was with regard to school, and there may be an answer for that soon..maybe not, but I have an appointment with a person of note, and I have a sense that this meeting won't just be about school, but about deeper topics as well. I will say no more about that.

But the job...another of my own intentions. The job has no end in sight, although I'm closer than ever to simply picking up my things and walking out the door, never to return. The only reason I haven't done that is because I'm just wise enough not to. But I had to literally hold on to my desk today to prevent my sudden flight.

My stomach is in knots, and every time I see something around me which is related to my job (which is quite often as I can't avoid these objects), my stomach turns and I'm nearly overwhelmed with despair. And I'm barely holding despair at bay...I just can't keep this up. I am losing this battle, and I have nowhere to go.

I am clinging with all my might to the hand of Our Lady, because I know that even if I falter and let go of her...she will never let go of me.

Ok, now I'm crying and I have to not do that because I have a meeting tonight at the church.

Does anyone out there have use for a Catholic in need of good, moral, useful employment? My resume is ready to go!

Blogging, Gossip, and True Intent

When I first began my blog, I was still a recent revert, and very sensitive towards dissent in the Church, that very dissent that had pulled me off the rails. I was angry, because I felt I had been deprived of the Truth for so long, and truth be told, I am still resentful, however, that resentment is abating. Why? Because God is good and he has brought a greater good out of my having fallen away.

Yet it was fresh in the beginning so I focused more on snarky topics condemning certain local practices and the like. Not a lot of people read me at the time, and as I've matured as a blogger, I've gotten away from that stuff and tend to focus on things more positive and spiritual.

My regular readers have become somewhat acquainted with me and my style, and I'm guessing they know I'm an opinionated person. However, I hope they also all realize that it has never been my purpose to defame, or gossip, or do any such thing. I will simply state an experience from my perspective, good or bad, but I pray that people see that ultimately, I am only providing a snapshot.

As I've started school again and will be continuing, God willing, I have also become more aware of citations, which, as some have noticed, have become more scholarly. If I have internet links, I like to use them but I'll admit that sometimes if I perceive that something is common knowledge, I get lazy and don't post the link, just summarize what I have to say. I shot myself in the foot with that one a couple times recently and got called on it. Not because of any issues with plagiarism, but rather because using a simple citation would have answered the concerns of some people who became offended at what I said, leading to a misunderstanding. A misunderstanding that could have been prevented thorough a couple minutes' work.

I also will admit that sometimes I am unclear in my intent, perhaps, in spite of my typical long-windedness, because I am again lazy and don't do a clear enough edit. Sometimes I have other things going on when I write and don't phrase things properly, and of course, if a key word is the wrong word, it severely can change the meaning and intent of a topic. And boy, was I deservedly taken to task for THAT error!

So I would like to humbly apologize for any hurt I may have caused at any time by my laziness in editing. I would like to request the forgivenss of those I have offended, and to please understand that I write from a total context that is not always clear in an individual post.

Sometimes I become so comfortable with my regular readers and commenters that I forget there are those out there who may happen by for the first time and have no idea where I'm coming from. Perhaps part of the standard in blogging is to remember that we never know who will be sent to us, who will happen by, and we must all consider what impression we will make.

I will confess to often being overly sensitive, and it is human nature to read into things or even grasp a particular thing within someone's work, then worry it to death. We are fallen creatures, and we can be easily offended. Because we are reading the written word apart from knowing the person who wrote those words, it's all too easy to depersonalize the author and become offended at his or her words. I have been guilty of that and I have made comments to other bloggers for which I now regret.

I have also been on the receiving end of such comments, and never fail to feel a sense of consternation that my words were taken badly, or somehow insulted someone, and I do try to repair that damage which was not intended.

There was a combox conversation in one of my older posts in which this was brought up; it is one of the dangers of the internet and email. We cannot see expressions, we cannot observe feelings and sentiments, and sometimes such things are impossible to convey by the written word. It's way too easy for all of us to both miscommunicate and to feel slighted or insulted when someone has simply misspoken.

In a live coversation, when someone mis-speaks, the question can be immediately addressed and corrected, and as we can see expression, we can observe sincerity, and even ill-intent. Not so in blogging and in other popular written media. And sometimes, even with a careful edit, some things are not caught and can lead to controversy. I've been on both sides of that and all too often I've been guilty of causing the offense.

Some time ago the Catholic Spirit, our diocesan paper, completely villified bloggers, making a blanket accusation of "gossip". I agree, blogging can be a form of gossip, but as it has been said before, our local Catholic bloggers and most, if not all, of the blogs on my link list have a high standard and work from a perspective of personal integrity. But we are all human and sometimes we err, and then it's time for damage control.

I think we all need to remember that even when someone posts something controversial, before we accuse, we should pray, question, and if there is truly an insult present, then we can address it appropriately in a charitable mannr. Perhaps we find that the person in question only misspoke, badly chose their words, and is ready and willing to correct the error. This goes not only for bloggers, but for commenters, for I do feel we truly enter into a conversation of sorts. But as it is in writing only, sometimes we forget that we are addressing a live person, someone with feelings, someone with sensitivities, and this can lead to a form of depersonalization and a denial of that person's dignity. If we don't use due care, conversations can deteriorate very quickly. People will say things to each other on the internet in chat rooms, discussion forums, and even in voice mail on the phone that they would never in a thousand years say to someone directly. Because we cannot see reactions, it is all too easy to spout off, and not realize that our words have consequences.

I had a lesson in that recently, and I deserved that lesson.

All that said, we are all also entitled to our opinions, and sometimes our legitimate opinions will be at odds with another person's opinions. I will continue to give my opinion on things, as I think we all will, and sometimes we will take each other's words personally. For example; if I say I can't stand the works of Marty Haugen and Andy Warhol, guaranteed there will be a fan of both who will come along and be personally offended at my condemnation of those persons' works. I will not change my opinion if I think something is trash. One of my pet peeves is bad church architecture, which I keep under wraps for the most part, for it is so common that if I let it get under my skin I'd never be able to go to Mass! Yet if I comment about such things in a negative manner, it should be understood from an impersonal context relating to a thing, not the people contained within the thing.

I think that we all have to remember, whether we are bloggers or whether we like to only surf blogs and articles and comment occasionally, we should all remember to be charitable, choose our words carefully, edit carefully, and consider how our words might be taken. It could be that a legitimate difference of opinion will cause offense; that can't be helped. In our world today, too many people are ready to cry "intolerance!" to quell actual discussion. We can all expect to be offended at one time or another, but our question should always be: is the offense actually intended?

I'm guilty of so much, but I do not go out of my way to cause offense. Please forgive my lack of tact which has been so apparent at times, and in turn, I will work harder to consider my words and how they impact others.

God bless you all.

The Belmont Stakes

Did you SEE that!??

Rags to Riches, the first filly EVER to win at a mile and a half, the first filly in 100 years to win the Belmont!

She stumbled coming out of the gate, held the middle throughout the race, but in in the last quarter mile as they came around the turn she accelerated and went head to head with Curlin, to come out ahead at the wire.

WOO HOO!

And there's a made-for-TV movie on tonight about Ruffian, my other favorite winning filly. (Winning Colors, 1989 (?) Kentucky Derby winner is another favorite).

I LOVE horseracing!

Shrine of Our Lady of Perpetual Help

I have cultivated a devotion to Our Lady of Perpetual Help (or has it been cultivated in me by Our Lady herself?), and today, I made a mini-pilgrimage to a local shrine. I brought many intentions with me, including those of fellow bloggers, so I pray you all receive the blessings and consolations requested through Our Lady of Perpetual Help.

Many of you are likely unfamiliar with this icon, and truly, the icon itself deserves a post of its own, as so much is written into every line, every color, every diagonal and expression. For now, though, simply gaze at this image and allow it to enter your soul, become familiar with it, thus when I post further information about the symbolism, you will have a greater understanding.

The original iconographer is unknown; by legend dating from the 16th Century, it was found in Crete by a merchant who took the icon but gave it away on his deathbed to a Roman friend. Years later Our Lady appeared to his daughter, identifying herself as "Holy Mary of Perpetual Help", indicating that the icon should be placed in the Church of St. Matthew the Apostle.

I will not go into depth as to the other history of the icon, other than to say that, according to "Our Lady of Perpetual Help, the Icon, Favors and Shrines," in 1865, Redemptorist Superior General, Father Nicholas Mauron, petetioned Pope Pius IX to grant the icon to them to be placed in the new Church of the Holy Redeemer, in their care. He granted this request, directing them in his own handwriting, to "Make her known throughout the world!" (p. 14)

At that time in history, the Redemptorists were set spread to all corners of the globe, thus the Pope's directive, and to this day, the image of Our Lady of Perpetual Help remains their responsibility. The icon and devotions have indeed been spread throughout the world as that mission was successfully carried out by the Redemptorists.

A friend recently revealed to me that at her parish, St. Alphonsus in Brooklyn Park, MN, as they are a Redemptorist parish, they have a shrine to Our Lady of Perpetual Help. Before she said something, I'd had no idea. St. Alphonsus is only about 15 minutes away from me, maybe less, as I attend a parish in a neighboring city. I wondered why I didn't know a shrine was so close by?

I went online and found the parish's website, but no mention of the shrine. No mention of devotion to OLPH except for a Tuesday morning devotion after Mass. Her icon is in the upper left corner of the web pages, but other than that, it's a bland site with everyday information on the parish itself, what one would expect of an average parish website. Yesterday I called the parish, KNOWING I had to go there to visit the shrine. They explained that the icon is in the main church, which is apparently locked after the Masses. She explained that there is access through the parish office at other times, however. I thanked her and made plans to visit during a time in which I could enter quietly without having to go through the parish office.

I was looking for an unobtrusive visit to Our Lady of Perpetual Help; I did not want to announce my presence to anyone but God and of course anyone else who might be present and have the same desire for quiet, prayerful solitude in contemplation of this image.

This morning I got up earlier than I'd prefer and arrived at St. Alphonsus during the post-Mass rosary. There was only about seven people present, which was surprising to me as my own parish typically has droves of people remaining after daily and Saturday morning Masses to pray the rosary. As I've stated before, I struggle with the rosary, I don't like saying it with a group as I get more distracted than ever when attempting to do so, and so I thanked God for this small group's devotion.

St. Alphonsus is a very modern-styled church, modeled after a thrust-stage theater, an all-too-common design these days. The tabernacle is front and center on the altar, I realized, and did have a red candle lit, which I had not initially seen.

Although the church is quite ugly in appearance, (I'm not a fan of modern church architecture - it emphasizes the people and de-emphasizes God) it does have a few spots of great beauty, that being an alcove housing the baptismal font, a large suspended crucifix, a prie-dieu with an image of Our Lady of Guadalupe, and another prie-dieu with an image of Divine Mercy. Off to the far right side of the sanctuary is the icon of Our Lady of Perpetual help, surrounded by large vigil candles in blue and red, flowers, and about five prie-dieus in a half-circle around it.

I quietly walked around the small rosary group, again thanking God for their devotion, and knelt in front of the image. I actually saw a few things today I had not previously seen in the icon, and something else, too, in her expression.

Look at the icon: see the eyes, see the expression. At first the expression may seem bland, as it did to me when I first saw this image. Yet the more I look at it, the more I see in the total context and theological truth of it. I've been struck again and again at the communication in her eyes; they are wise, consoling, sorrowful, resigned, loving, tranquil...all that, at once. I have this icon on my wall at home and gaze upon it and pass by it frequently. I have actually seen reproach in her eyes!

But today, as I knelt there before her, she seemed to be smiling, her eyes had a loving gaze, if sorrowful and wise and consoling, but there was a joy I had not noticed before. I had not seen the "smile" before this and I was actually surprised.

I did not light a candle today, but I will be back with one. I looked around for a box for donations, for candles to light, and it seems that one either needs to request a candle from the parish office or bring one's own. As these are large novena candles, I can understand why they are not immediately available as they are far more costly than small vigil lights, not something to have on the "honor system". In the prie-dieu there is an alcove with a couple fliers; one is a little prayer card to Our Lady for vocations to the Redemptorists, and another is a prayer to Our Lady of Perpetual Help.

I would have thought that the shrine would also have something like a brochure or a sign explaining the history and devotion to Our Lady through this icon, but there was nothing. Finally I did find a small placque behind the candles, and as the candle holders are fixed in place, I was not able to read what it said. It seemed to indicate that candles were available in the parish office, but it seemed there was more on the sign that could not be read. I did observe a sign pointing to the parish office, but as I was in a pensive mood, I chose not to visit the office today. Perhaps next time, or I would bring my own candle to light.

I would encourage local Catholics to visit this shrine and do your own part to help renew devotion to Our Lady of Perpetual Help. In my opinion and through what I saw today, St. Alphonsus is not doing enough; they are not fulfilling their directive to make her known. Yes, they have placed the icon in a shrine in the church, but that's not "making her known" ~ not outside the parish, anyway. Had my friend not told me about the presence of this shrine, I would not have known about it. I spoke to a priest I know today, and he didn't know about it, either. I'm sure if I polled many faithful Catholics, they wouldn't have any idea.

The website at St. Alphonsus has an email for comments and suggestions, so I will be writing to suggest they do a better job of promoting devotion to Our Lady of Perpetual Help. Her feast day is June 27, and according to the bulletin, St. Alphonsus will be doing something special on that day.

If you are local, consider making your own pilgrimage to Our Lady of Perpetual Help, bring a large novena candle insert (they can be purchased at Catholic stores and gift shops or buy one at St. Alphonsus, and bring your intentions. This is a miraculous image, and has been so throughout history. Perhaps contained between her hands and the hands of the child Jesus, your own miracle is hidden, waiting only for your presence and your heartfelt request.

Our Lady of Perpetual Help, Pray for us!



Source for posted info:

Our Lady of Perpetual Help, The Icon, Favors, and Shrines, prepared by a team of Redemptorist Missionaries in Rome, Ligouri Publications, 2002.

For more information:

www.cssr.com

4 X 2 Meme

I found this over at Servant and Steward and invited myself to participate. (How arrogant of me!)

Here are the rules: Share four things that were new to you in the past four years. Four things you learned or experienced or explored for the first time in the past four years. Then share four things you want to try new in the next four years.


Four New Things in the Past Four Years:

1). Only slightly outside the timeframe...I bought my first house, a townhome, Feb. 2003. I still live here.
2). I discerned an earthshaking call to discern religious life. Apparently it's ongoing but don't take it seriously. This is just an aftershock.
3). I began teaching RCIA and also served as a Sponsor, humbled by God in service to fulfill a lifelong dream for a 60 year old woman who has always wanted to be Catholic.
4). I had a breast cancer scare.

Four Things in the Next Four Years:

1). I hope to get my MTS degree in Pastoral Theology if Our Lady convinces God to pay for it.
2). I will leave my job, willingly or unwillingly, but in any case it will be a blessing.
3). I hope to become a serious writer, and with that a faithful voice for the Church.
4). I will turn 33 this year. That was a bad year for Jesus. With everything that's been going on in my life...well...I'm not sure I wanna be like Jesus. But if my 33rd year ends like his did, then I'll be canonized the future patron saint of the long-winded.


I tag:

Cathy_of_Alex, Ray Marshall, Father V., Tara, and Father Tim of SOV2.

Don't Just Give Lipservice - DO Something to Help!

Just when you thought I was done with this topic...

I think we all agree that we need more Vocations to the priesthood and religious life, and we all rejoice when someone is ordained, especially if it's someone we know, grew up with, watched grow up, became friends with in his or her discernment process...etc. We rejoice when a woman makes her first vows and enters the novitiate, when she becomes professed, etc. We all agree that this is such a sign of God's love and the action of the Holy Spirit in the Church, and the willingness of people to listen to God's voice and follow Him so perfectly.

But you know...those success stories don't happen through the actions of the individual alone. They don't happen just through prayers and invitations to discern one's Vocation to the priesthood or religious life.

It's not enough to sit back, invite someone, and then watch what happens like some sort of Catholic soap opera. Will Adam really survive the seminary? Will he be kicked out (because you know he was a mischevious boy...), or will he persevere and be ordained? Will Eve listen to God and become a Sister in whatever mysterious process she has to follow to make that happen? Or will she be kicked out of the convent (because she was pretty mischevious, too...).

Let me share with you a typical dialogue:

Q: "Have you considered becoming a nun?"

A: "Yes, actually I'm discerning that now, and there are some communities in Michigan and New York I want to visit."

Q: "That's great! But if you decide on one of them, what will you do with your house and your dogs? I just love your dogs. We're considering getting some dogs for our kids to play with in our yard...I hope we have as much luck as you did in finding such sweet tempered animals. So, anyway...would you rent your house out or would you have to sell it?"

A: "Well, I'd sell the house, but first I'd have to paint and take care of some maintenance issues I'm just not equipped to handle, but it would have to be done before the house goes on the market."

Q: "Oh." Knowing, experienced nod. Empathetic expression as she wipes her own paint-stained hands off on her jeans self-consciously.

A: "And the dogs...well, I'd have to find homes for them. The greyhound, I have a contract requiring me to turn him back into the adoption organization if I ever have to give him up, and they'll adopt him out again. But for now, all that's in the future as I don't know yet if I'm called."

Q: "Well, we're all keeping you in our prayers. I know it's hard. All the girls say it...there's not a lot of options around here."

A: "That's the problem. It's hard to get time away from work, and arrange my life so that I can get away to go to a discernment retreat. It's nearly impossible as it is, even if a retreat and community are local, but add the expense of travel to other states, the time needed for that travel....!"

Q: Sympathetic nod. "Well, let us know if there's anything we can do to help. We'd so love to see you become a nun!"

A: "Actually, there is something maybe you can do to help....you said you like dogs?"

Q: Cautious nod. "The boys are old enough now for pets, they just love dogs. We're doing some research - but don't tell them - we want it to be a surprise!"

A: "Your secret is safe with me! And it's a great idea! I grew up with pets, too, and they are a lot of work but well worth it. Just as long as you have no illusions that YOU will be taking care of them."

Q: "Oh, right...we know that. Boys will be boys!"

A: "Since you like dogs, the biggest issue I'm running into right now is them; I can't just leave them alone for days at a time, and I don't know anyone who can either come to stay with them over a weekend or watch one or both of them. Since you're considering getting a dog anyway, would you be willing to take at least one of them? My German Shepherd loves kids, and she'd really love to play in your yard for the weekend."

Q: Uncomfortable expression, trying to hold onto the empathetic look with no success. Glancing at watch. (Oh! My! Look at the time!) "Well...I'm not sure we could do that. We're so busy on weekends, what with going to Mass and all. I think the Humane Society boards...have you checked with them?"

A: "Yeah, but it's expensive to pay for two dogs for a few days, and to have to do so repeatedly for repeated weekends. That, and the travel expenses are not going to help me pay down my debt, which I have to do before I could even enter a community as a postulant."

Q: "Oh. Well, keep asking around...I'm sure there's someone who could dogsit for you. I must be off...gotta pick up my kids from soccer! We'll keep you in our prayers!" (Now on the way out the door, seeing another young woman ready to enter the adoration chapel.) "Hey, Christine! Have you considered becoming a nun?"


People, it's completely hypocritical to invite people to discern a Vocation to religious life and then not be willing to lift a finger to help where the help is needed.

A priest I know has indicated to me more than once that it seems women are not willing to leave the area, they don't seem willing to travel, and the reality is that with the state of women's communities in the United States, most of us need to travel to find one that's orthodox and faithful to the teachings of the Church, as well as to the founding Rules of their respective communities. St. Therese of Lisieux and her sisters had it easy...they all went to the local Carmelite convent. Back in the day, being faithful wasn't in question. In our world today, too many communities have quite literally gone pagan.

It's easier for those men called to the diocesan priesthood; they go to specific seminaries. They can be driven there. I know that surrounding states send men to our local seminary, but it's within a few hours' driving distance; this is not a huge deal. But for those late vocations, I know for a fact most of them owned houses, and some had pets. Clearly, they did not abandon their duties and just run away...they had help.

I suspect, though, that men who are called to be religious priests, brothers, friars, or monks face similar challenges to women in discernment; they have to travel, too. They have to deal with debt and property and real every-day concerns.

I do think men are more willing to travel than women, and for an explanation as to why, look only to the Theology of the Body. I will not go into that here, but the short of it is that women are designed to be protected, while men are protectors. It is more natural for a man to go "out and about", seeking God. It is more natural for a woman to internalize, to stay "close to home", where there is safety. Speaking as an ex-feminist, no shrinking violet myself, we simply are not created to thrust ourselves into the world in an aggressive manner, the manner now required if women are to truly seek God's will for us.

So I do agree with this priest in that women are hesitant to leave the safety of home, and maybe it's more of an "unwillingness" issue for younger women. We old fogeys who have been in the world for awhile and have amassed "stuff" have to find ways to fulfill our obligations and still be able to get away. Sometimes it's not possible.

I have friends who are willing to help...but not able to address my specific concerns because of their own limited conditions. One friend actually tried to help me find assistance, without luck, and I questioned every appropriate person I met as to whether they or someone else could help me with my biggest concern; my dogs, so I could go on retreat. No takers. Not a one. Just suggestions to spend a fortune boarding my dogs, or a suggestion to just get rid of them so I could discern in peace.

I don't consider the latter to be an option, for many reasons, which I will not go into here. Suffice to say it wasn't a well-thought out suggestion for that person to make. The short of it; I'm not willing to throw away a couple of lives, even animal lives, just because they suddenly become inconvenient to a thought process about a future I don't have.

'Nuff said.

Here's the reality; if a parish is praying for Vocations, people have to also be willing to use their hands to aid in the process. And I don't mean through sending e-mails pledging support. If you look at the basic needs of a parish in general, you see that people must be actively involved. If people just said they loved the liturgy, but no one was willing to lector, no one was willing to clean, no one was willing to decorate, no one was willing to maintain the sound system so the Word of God could be heard...well, that would be a sad parish indeed.

People give lip-service to wanting Vocations all the time...but where are their actions? Don't just sit there...DO SOMETHING TO HELP! Your assistance may be simply driving someone to the airport and picking them up. It might be dogsitting or helping to find a dog sitter. It might be financial assistance. For someone who has chosen and has been chosen by a community, it may mean helping to get their house ready for sale by painting, maintenance, yardwork...something.

If you say you support Vocations, then step into the role your mouth has formed for you, for if you don't, you've made yourself into nothing but a hypocrite, for by your lack of action you betray your heart.

Some people perhaps can't do anything but pray, or offer an ear...but even they have the ability to assist in finding someone to answer a need.

Perhaps my words are too harsh, perhaps not. Perhaps my own words condemn me, and I am willing to accept that.

The amazing thing about discernment is that one begins to see things from an entirely different perspective, and even for those of us who are not called...we become convicted by our own action or lack therof.

So my challenge to you all is to be ready to step up to the plate. Don't just pray for Vocations, don't just invite people you know to consider them, but be ready and willing to offer whatever assistance you can, and don't wait to be asked especially if you know the person well.

Our Church needs vocations, but without the help of everyone, it will never get any better. We do not live in an ideal world, and it is more difficult than ever for someone to even hear God's voice amidst all the sound and fury of modern society. Everyone is required to listen for that voice, to discern where God is calling them to help...and not enough people are answering the call to actively help those who may most need their hands as well as their prayers.

Blogs of Our Lives ~ All My Bloggers

When we last left off, Angela Messenger was on a mysterius hiatus, possibly in cahoots with Ironic Catholic and Snoring Scholar.

Angela Messenger has returned home with tales of terrible liturgical "decorations" intermixed with the joys of family and friends in other locales. It seems her hiatus was innocent, but upon her arrival home, she was met with a very real drama; the rising river. Her neighbors have been evacuated, and as of today, the water has not reached her yard. But will she have to build an ark in order to survive? Where is Noah when you need him? Didn't he leave a blueprint for emergencies such as this? Her home internet is cut off, but thankfully her work is on high ground, and currently, her home is not synonymous with "the river", so they are fine. How can she sleep? Will she accept the offers of help from others in her area if they are forced to evacuate their home?

When we last left Ironic Catholic, she was lamenting the plight of mothers around the world, and although she warned of an impending break, she was not clear in her intentions until she nailed her theses on the door of the Blog, a la Martin Luther King. She is leaving, yet she could not resist a few posts, a few photos, a few contests for her readership. Where is IC going? Will she be back? And what will she bring back with her?

Will she come back to declare the hapless Adoro a heretic? Or resurrect to declare Adoro the greatest Catholic ever to live? (Probably neither...)

And what of Snoring Scholar, resurrecting herself from the throes and trials of spamland? She arose to find flowers and beauty in the love of her child, the flowers of creation, and the love of the Sacred Heart. And she even completed a Meme?

Were we wrong about Snoring Scholar? Is she REALLY just a housewife and expectant mother, or is she a Catholic spy along the lines of Dan Brown's idea of Opus Dei? It seems she's a Mom who loves God, her children to include her unborn little one, the flowers and the animals. But what is just around the corner? What will she reveal next? Does she really hear voices? Or is it just the pregnancy hormones?


Enter Tara the Loved Sinner. She posts scandalous photos of priests just having good clean fun (Did the good Father Richtsteig light the grill, or did the parishioners divert him away from the fire?), and laments the state of teenagers and her own surrounding culture of religious baggage which mislead her children. Will she find a way to bring Christ's light to them? Is God faithful?

And since WHEN are priests allowed to have fun?

Speaking of Fr. Richsteig, Charlie the Unicorn has made another appearance at his blog and he's found a new favorite phrase. Will that phrase and the legend of Charlie be turned into Latin and infused into a homily? And did he light the grill or a bonfire at the local parish picnic...and if so, did it light...or did the Fire Department have to be called out to quell his enthusiasm in representing the Holy Spirit?

Meanwhile, back in Minnesota, Cathy the Recovering Dissident calls into question the criticizm of a local dissident priest with a good heart but bad theology, in defense of the new Coadjutor who has been attacked mercilessly since the announcement of his appointment. She also muses on "Minnesota Nice" and what that really means. Did Cathy really do anything wrong...?

Over in the Cleveland corner, Father V. rejoices in coffee and showers, and happily pontificates that God loves us, thus, even if our heads are lopped off, all will be well. He also reinforces the love of the Sacred Spleen of Jesus, and says to us all, "I Spleen You."

That has all the marks of a good merchandizing campaign. He's also fond of our German Shepherd, Pope Benedict XVI.


And what of the Spirit of Vatican II "Catholic" Community? They have been dissociated from the diocese, the orthodox Father Juno has been ousted (or left in complete upset yet forgiveness), only to have the parish taken over by a coup of militant anti-establishment terrorists parading as hippy God-loving eco-spiritualists. After a counter move by the parishioners and leadership of SOV2, "Fr." Curtis was removed, but not until he had liberated some chairs and the sacred vessels, the latter of which were found under Fr. Tim's bed. In the meantime, Keith and his friends had a "math lab" in Fr. Tim's rectory and due to something gone wrong, the entire thing blew up. But Maryann McGronk, who is in charge of the "Liturgy" and Adult "Catechesis" is trying to help SOV2 heal from its wounds through a pilgrimage to MN to visit he infamous trio of Haugen-Haas-Joncas that so influenced her upbringing.

It's someting different every minute at SOV2...what's next for that community?

I apologize to the world....

I didn't realize Haugen/Haas/Joncas were from Minnesota. Maybe I heard that awhile ago, but maybe the presence of Msgr. Schuler overshadowed the shadows.

Apparently they won't be offering "concerts" anymore. And that includes at Mass, apparently around the world. Their last "concert" is bring held in MN on June 10, according to our Archdiocesan rag, The Catholic Spirit.

On Sunday, June 10, Haas, Haugen and Father Joncas will play one of the final two concerts they have scheduled. The 7:30 p.m. program at Guardian Angels in Oakdale is a benefit for “Music Ministry Alive!” — the summer program at the College of St. Catherine that trains young Catholic liturgical musicians. Last year’s concert was sold out.

I am not one bit surprised that it's associated with another local black eye, the College of St.Catherine wherein rule the mostly-pagan-in-practice-and-belief eco-feminists Sisters of St. Joseph of Carondelet. (How far that order has fallen! Pray for their conversion to their roots, for their roots were incredible!).

Anyway, back to the article, the only snipped I want to comment upon:

“We’re not interested in doing just fun Christian music,” Haas said. “When I teach young people about liturgical music, I say you’ve got to keep your ears open and antenna up about what’s going on in the church and what the church needs, what the church is really calling for in its music.


He is apparently a teacher at a local school. Now, to be clear, I'm sure he's a fine and talented musician, perhaps a wonderful teacher and a wonderful human being. I cannot comment on him personally as I do not know him.

However, I get nothing but red flags when I read his comment about "what's going on in the Church and what the Church needs, what the Church is really calling for in its music." (Church, as a proper noun referring to the Catholic Church, needs to be capitalized. Catholic Spirit editor, where were you on that!?)

Anyway, if people are really LISTENING to what the Church wants, needs, and is calling for, they would be going back to GREGORIAN AND AMBROSIAN CHANT!!!!

Not folk-pop music being classified as "liturgical".

I'm going to come out and admit I don't dislike all their stuff, some is actually enjoyable and I understand they were going off of their idea of reverence when they wrote the music. I love music...I'm a musician myself, albeit a fallen-away one. But music remains in the soul, and if one is taught correctly, a barometer is installed.

My barometer never went away, thank God!

And yes, I do like some of their music, and some of it brought me back home, but it wasn't so much the music as it was the sentimentality of songs I grew up with. Had I grown up with Gregorian Chant, I'm sure I would have literally DIED when I heard the powerful strains of "O Salutaris Hostia", but since that was outside of my experience, it was "Here I am, Lord" that hit me. God can use anything to bring us home. But why should He have to when we had perfectly good, reverent music before the misinterpretation of Vatican II?

I'm fine with their concerts. By all means, perform in concerts, and that is the correct setting for much of their music...not the Mass.

I wonder if we'll ever recover from the last 40 years of bad liturgical music?

Update and Prayer Request

The last couple nights have been busy for me; Tuesday night I went on a blog hiatus. I was actually repelled by my computer, for some reason. So I went to Mass (this is a common occurrance), came home, and just spent the evening in silence, did some reading (Theology of the Body), prayed a lot, and I guess had a mini-retreat.

God was silent, though...he didn't offer any direction or even a new job offer to get me out of the hell I go to every day. This HAS to be worth something to someone, somewhere! So offering it up continues.

Last night our now-very-small RCIA team met to discuss next year and the format. We are actually going to be creating our curriculum from the Catechism published by the American Bishops, which quotes the CCC but lays the Church teachings out in a very readable format. It includes discussion questions and the like, and I praise this idea. It's solid catechesis and covers so much more than the liturgically-based program, yet there will still be a blend there as we'll go over the upcoming Sunday's readings each week, too. We are also blessed with a priest very knowledgable in scripture (I think he has a Doctorate relating to scripture), and some other people who can come in occasionally to teach in their areas of expertise.

So good things are happening here. We are also seeking ways to help the new Catholics find their way into our huge parish and get involved. If any of you out there have suggestions as to what your church does or what worked for you (if you are a convert), or if you have suggestions, please comment or send me an e-mail if you're more comfortable in doing so.

Now, as far as more blogging, I'm hoping to be more inspired tonight, having had two evenings "off"; maybe there is another "Blogs of our Lives" episode to be completed. We'll see.

Most importantly, please keep Angela Messenger and her community in your prayers. The river is flooding, people are being evacuated, and Angela's house is cut off. She also has no access to internet from her home, but does from work, so keep an eye on her blog for updates. The river is expected to crest on Saturday.

More on "the Call"

Since I'm on a roll on the discernment topic, I thought that I'd actually put some advice out there gleaned from my own experience.

Many of you were not reading my blog back in the early days, so perhaps a little history is appropriate. When I began, I was discerning a call to religious life. I heard "the call" on one of my first trips to the adoration chapel, and it completely freaked me out. I literally FLED the chapel, I was so rattled. Then a pendulum began to swing...one day I was so attracted to religious life I was ready to get rid of all my stuff and get on with it. The next day I'd get up and the idea would be completely abhorrent to me. Then the pendulum began to swing wider, so I'd go days leaning in one direction, and days in another. This moved into weeks.

But whenever the pendulum had swung into the negative, it seemed that someone would randomly approach me and ask if I had a Vocation. I would always deny them because I did not want to admit what was going on in my mind. I was not ready, and I was not sure.

Whenever the pendulum was in the positive position, I'd be on the internet researching various communities, I'd watch EWTN (they often interview various orders), I'd be praying my heart out, ready to lay it all on the line. And then it would all disappear. I was in complete agony, and literally felt like I was being torn in two.

Finally I revealed to a few people what I was thinking, cringing as I waited for them to laugh at me. (You'd have to know me...I'm the LAST person on earth you'd think would consider such a thing, especially as I was a recent revert.) Then I told a few more people, and a few more. Thankfully, most of them just offered me their prayers and support, and I will be eternally grateful for that.

Now, all that said, I'm going to share with you a few "To do's" and "Not To Do's" that I learned in this experience, and - it's directed at YOU.


WHAT NOT TO DO:

I have been quite headstrong for a very long time, and I have always been a very "driven" person. Whatever I wanted, I went after, and that's what lead me into law enforcement and firefighting. I worked hard, knowing there might be failure or even death in there somewhere, but there were results from the difficulties.

However, discernment is not a job search. Hard work may be required, but more importantly, prayer is needed. Good research may be needed and helpful, but if God is excluded from the search and discernment becomes all about qualifications, it ain't gonna happen.

Yet I could not keep that tendency to want to be in the driver's seat out of my discernment, so God used that as a lesson for me; every time I wanted to do something, like go on a Search and Discover retreat, or go visit a couple communities for a discernment retreat, it wouldn't work out!

And I knew that as things weren't working, I needed to slow down. I realized I was trying to be in charge, but God was trying to tell me to stop and listen, not charge full-steam ahead. So I listened, and I backed down, having an interior knowledge that the time wasn't right.

That's when certain people I knew began demanding to know why I wasn't doing this or that, why I wasn't attending X retreat, why I wasn't doing everything I could to overcome these obstacles they interpreted as Satan getting in my way.

I knew that it wasn't Satan; he was far more subtle. The roadblocks came from God, and time has taught me that this was indeed the case. Had I gone on those weekends, it would have been a mistake.

The problem was that some people saw discernment as something like a job search, and determined that I wasn't doing enough or wasn't pursuing something when THEY decided it should be done.

I became very irritated throughout this. It was really hard to sit back and hear God's voice when a thousand people were shouting their preferences and opinions at me, emailing me religious communities I had already looked at or just had no interest in, and I think 10 people sent me the same link to a religious life resource I'd found months before when I first began my research.

Every time some people saw me, they were asking for results, and if I had nothing to say they falsely judged I was doing nothing. But I WAS doing something: I was trying to listen to God and not parishioner X.

So, my friends, that's what not to do. Don't try to take control of someone else's discernment; remember that this is a very personal, mystical process involving a soul and God and no one else, save for a qualified Spiritual Director. It's not like sending out cover letters and resumes. It's all about learning to listen to God and understand His will, not the will of Ms. Well-Meaning Friend.

What I ultimately discerned was not that I was Called, but rather, God was getting my attention. He was asking me to look around, consider the possibilities, and above all, learn to hear HIS voice over and above all the racket, and in many ways, to overcome my own will.

Yes, I still have questions, and I'll admit I have not ruled out the potential of being Called. However, I no longer believe that this is what God is calling me to do. He is most certainly calling me to something, for He has a specific place for each one of us. For now, God is teaching me to live in the present, and I think the source of my frustration is that I still am seeking to know and control my future, whatever it involves.

God has placed me in the midst of a wonderful parish and He has put me to work. He has surrounded me with wonderful, faithful Catholics so that I might be inspired by their example, and learn to be more like them. He has made me a teacher, He has given me a home, and He is asking me to wait and trust and let Him reveal what is to become of me.

I will not be researching any religious communities, unless I do so for my book idea. It really is behind me, no matter what the angst of my last few posts have indicated to you. I was somewhat sad to realize that God was not calling me to religious life, and sometimes I remember that sweet ache, but in reality, that life and I are not suited for each other. As Fr. V. pointed in in the comments section in one of the posts, parishes need faithful Catholics willing to offer what they can, and right now, that's where I'm called to be.

Definitely invite people you know to consider their appropriate Vocations, and then let them be. Don't hound them. Don't overwhelm them with info without being requested to do so, and don't inflict your timeline upon them. Let them learn to listen to God, and they can do this more easily without your well-intentioned assistance.

DO be available to assist where needed, be a listening ear but try to hold your advice, and only give advice when you've had time to pray about it yourself. Offer your prayers, and if the discerning person needs any physical assistance (like a house or pet sitter, etc.) do what you can or offer to help find someone to take care of those needs. Often the practical hands-on assistance is needed; unsolicited advice, not so much.

Always remember that discernment is part of a very in-depth conversation with God and God alone, whether it is you who are discerning or someone else. God does not move suddenly (usually), so if you invite someone to consider the priesthood or religious life and a few months later they haven't applied somewhere, let them be. Just pray for them, offer your intentions to God, and let that person know they are in your prayers.

There is nothing more powerful than prayer, and nothing more helpful.

Invitation to Vocation

Today I was doing hospitality at the morning Masses (four of them) as part of a ministry with which I'm involved at our parish.

After the last Mass, as we were cleaning up, one of our three priests and I were conversing about a few things. At some point, in response to something, Father asked me if I'd considered becoming a nun.

(smk, stop laughing!)

People, that is the FIRST time a priest has asked me that Question. And truth be told, I'm flattered, because that question from a priest means more than that question from any of the laity.

Why?

Because priests go through extensive discernment, they know how important that Question is, and I don't think any of them (that I know) ask it lightly. So I take it as a highest compliment. Please correct me if I am wrong to do so.

Just to be clear, I am not disparaging any of our other priests or any other priests I know for NOT asking that question of me. A couple years ago the topic had come up with them and I had revealed my discernment. Why bring it up again? They know that if I had questions, I would bring those questions to them. Discernment is not about hounding; it is about seeking God's will, and it is a highly mystical and personal thing. That, and they may be too polite to point out that there is no way God would choose someone like me.

(Tongue firmly implanted in cheek.)

So, that now behind us, I told Father that yes, I had considered it before, and I don't think I'm called.

"REALLY??!!???" He asked. There was actually a note of surprise in his tone.

In turn, I was surprised to hear that note. His genuine surprise told me that he had asked the Question in sincerity, and in that same sincerity, was surprised by my negative answer. As he seemed to be seeking an explanation, I told him that I had discerned, I don't see myself living in community, etc., and I thought that it was a closed door. At the same time, I admitted that every so often I see a Community on EWTN, either Brothers or Sisters, listen to their stories, learn of their apostolates, and I think, "Yeah, I could do that!"

I admitted to him that I'm conflicted, and I have NO IDEA where I belong or what God is asking of me.

This wonderful priest, who hails from war-torn Vietnam, who left as a refugee, said to me, "So you are lost!"

Father knows about being a refugee from first-hand experience, and I think that he sees many of we natural-born Americans as being spirtual refugees. He recognized me as one of them.

In so few words, he summed up my whole life and my entire discernment. I'm an emotional person, and in hearing that truth, I nearly burst into tears. (I didn't, but wanted to. It's so good to be understood!)

"YES! I'M COMPLETELY LOST!" I had to state this truth, because he knew it already.

He smiled, understanding my dilemma, acknowledging it's a hard place to be inhabiting, but he didn't offer any advice. I'm not sure any advice would be helpful; this is God's territory, no one else's. And this priest recognizes this.

I also told him about my book idea, he liked it, and agreed that for women, it's so hard to find a community, especially a faithful one. He agreed Vocations Directors, most of whom really want to help, have their hands tied. He also was very candid about the majority of women's religious communities who "kicked the habit" also kicked the Church out of their lives and have become pagan in practice and "theology." He even named local orders.

My respect for this priest has just grown in leaps and bounds. He's not afraid to call a spade a spade, and acknowledge evil where it exists.

As usual, you may be asking what is the point of all of this?

So I'll tell you...this post is mostly directed at priests. There are a few of you in my "audience", and you know who you are, even if I don't.

I'm not sure that Father's invitation to me really makes a difference or not, but I can tell you this; his invitation is a compliment. We, the faithful, especially those of us who are single, need direction. We need to be invited. Some singles have NOT considered all of our options, but the word of a priest we respect goes a very long ways. That goes for men and women both.

Maybe you wonder why; I'm certain they never taught you this in the seminary, so I'm happy to explain. The reality is this: you are our Spiritual Fathers, whether you are younger, the same age, or older than we are. You typically know more about the spiritual life than most of us do (I hope!), and you know all about discernment and how hard it is. You also know the power of the Invitation, the power of the Question because at some point, you experienced it.

I think you also have the ability to see those of us who are lost, and if you are unsure, please consider us to be lost until you find out otherwise. It's always wise to err on the side of caution, and I doubt you will ever offend anyone by asking them if they have considered God might be calling them to something. This does not just apply to religious life, but to other "every day" charisms as well.

(As an aside, if this question is offensive to them, you have another pastoral concern and you may want to consider calling an exorcist).

Seriously, you're in a wonderful position to serve as both the voice of God and as an anchor for those of us who could really use the help. Those of us who are faithful to the Church recognize your authority, we recognize the reality of your own sacrifice, and if you see something in us that speaks to the ability to offer the same tpe of sacrifice, it means a great deal. We look up to you, we WANT your advice, we appreciate your willingness to listen, to speak, and to guide. I'm certain you may feel incapable some of the time or even all of the time, but please know that God doesn't care what you feel; He cares that you take the time to recognize and invite.

Father's comments today have made a big impression on me, not so much for my sake but for the sake of others. I'll admit I may still be Called, even though I have doubts...in any case, it makes a huge difference when someone we see as a Spiritual Father is willing to extend that word of encouragement, for even if we are not Called, it means that Jesus is present in us, Jesus is using our hands, our voices, our very beings, to complete His work...and there is no greater encouragement than that.

Pastorally, if all you accomplish is a validation of our work and our value in the Church, then you have done your duty. Just as we are all meant to be Jesus' hands, we can also be your hands, and we all want to be useful and our work valued. Please, call us, ask us to offer our gifts, and validate our offerings, even if God has different designs on our lives.


Just a few things for priests (and anyone else who cares to answer) to consider:

* To whom to do you extend this Question? ie, what qualities?
* Do you focus only on men who may consider the priesthood, or do you consider other vocations (for men)?
* Do you actively invite women to discern religious life?
* Do you recommend men to consider a celibate vocation as non-ordained religious life?
* Being that I am a woman, and thus have an agenda, how can you help women discern and enter religious life? Do you have contacts? Do you care? Would you do all you could to help your spiritual daughters discern God's will?
* Again, coming from a faithful female perspective: what can and are you doing to encourage women to enter religious life and what advice can you give?
* Do you realize how important your Invitation is to women you know????

Can God be Trusted?

This last semester at school (which, incidentally was also my first as a grad student), I learned a great deal and it had a huge spiritual impact on me. Thank you, John Paul the Great! His writings have greatly illuminated huge theological realities I was never taught, I did not previously understand, and having now learned them, my entire outlook on life is different.

Though his writings, I have come to learn several things about humanity, leading me, of course, to recognize even my own deep imperfections and tendencies, and WHY they exist. It is not a way of avoiding responsibility for my actions; rather, I have come to see by understanding the root, how to overcome the challenges of original sin.

So often, I come across people who cite their situations and fall into a sinful path, using their (very real) sufferings as a justification to reject God once again, wanting others to bolster their guilty consciences as a way to appease them; they want someone to endorse the actions they know are wrong, they want someone to tell them that yes, they are correct and God has it wrong this time.

I'm often guilty of this.

It's part of the human condition; to want to be God, to know good and evil, and rather than seeking the good, so often we are looking to justify the evil.

It all goes back to the Garden of Eden. God gave free rein to Adam and Eve to eat of any tree or plant in the Garden...all but one, the tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. So what did Satan do? He arrived on scene as a serpent, twisted God's words, and suggested to Eve that God had lied to them. In fact, he didn't just suggest it, he said so outright without using the word "lie".

Eve corrected the Serpent; she resisted him, but in the end, his twisted form of "logic" overcame her. She gave in to the first temptation; doubt of God, doubt of His Word, doubt of His Love.

Let us consider this, because it is a foundation of everything we choose or don't choose: it comes down to whether we trust God or not.

Eve was tempted through doubt, and this doubt lead to Pride, and it was Pride that was the first sin. Doubt is not a sin; doubt is human, for God gave us free will and the ability to reason. We are meant to doubt, because this is what we use to discern good or evil. Even though evil had not been introduced into their lives, God knew what was coming and so our first parents had the ability to doubt or to accept. In the case of the serpent, Adam and Eve learned to doubt God. Through their doubt, they gave in to the Serpent's twisted and empty promise to be "like God". They gave in to the actual sin of Pride, and they ate of the fruit.

They learned disobedience, and immediately began to blame each other. They learned shame, and we see that as sin entered the world, doubt of God was proliferated and at its core, it {sin} ruptures relationships. It certainly ruptured humanity’s relationship with God.

This leads to our history, the history of humanity. Note that God NEVER did anything to disrupt the relationship with Man. God has always been faithful to His promises; it was us, as humanity, who turned our backs on God. It is always WE who turn away and choose to listen to the Serpent, that very creature that still whispers false promises to us, encouraging us to know better than God what is good for us.

Read the Bible; throughout history, it has ALWAYS been Man who severed the relationship with God and with others. And in the entire history of the Bible, it has always been God who initiated the reconciliation, through the law, through the prophets, through the incarnation of His only Son, sent to reverse the sin of Adam, through Mary's fiat, given to reverse the sin of Eve.

The entire Bible is a love story; it is about God seeking reunification with we who continue to reject Him. Jesus is the definitive answer, but we still have the responsibility to either trust God, or to fall back in distrust of God.

With every decision we make, the main question we need to ask of ourselves is this:

Do I trust God?

If we trust God, we will follow His precepts. We will remain faithful, especially when it's difficult. We will resist the lisp of the Serpent who seeks our ruin, but whose words are so sweet in our ears.

If we do not trust God, we will repeat the sin in the Garden; we will give in to our own preferences, our own Pride, and we will call our Pride the "Holy Spirit" and justify our actions and attitudes, even if they are in complete disagreement with the teaching authority established by Jesus Christ himself, that of the Magisterium.

The Garden we live in now is a complicated place, but it doesn't have to be so; in reality, we can make this very simple; we can either have childlike trust in God and His loving will for us...or we can beat our own path, leaving Christ bleeding on the Cross, suffering even in the face of our continued rejection of him.

Yet God has proven throughout history that He can be trusted; it is we, humanity, that continues to reject God.

The next time you have to make a big decision, spend time gazing upon the crucifix, the sign of ultimate love for us, and ask yourself if your own suffering even compares to what Jesus has done for you. Just as God sees you through the wounds of Christ, learn to look through Christ's wounds and see the Father...and then you will have your answer.

Writing From the Heart of Faith

I'm going to share my dream with you. It's a dream that just came up in the combox below, but one that has been on my heart for a long time. A couple years, anyway.

I think it's obvious I want to be a writer, and to a certain degree, I AM a writer. I'm not sure who said it, but I do think a famous person defined a writer not as someone with a long list of publication credits, but rather, as someone who MUST write. I am the latter. I have few credits to my name, but if I did not write, I don't know what I'd do.

So, the background to my dream:

A few years ago, while I was discerning the religious life, I read a book called, "UNVEILED, The Hidden Lives of Nuns" by Cheryl L. Reed.

Ms. Reed, a journalist by profession, was raised fundamentalist and attended a Catholic church as an adult, but did not convert because she had the grace to admit she wanted to pick and choose what she believed, so she converted to Orthodoxy. Sadly, I think she was not well catechized there, either, and was an apparant Cafeteria Orthodox. I do not think she had evil intentions; rather, she was a secularist, not a Catholic, and while I appreciate an outsider's view, she could not do justice to the beauty of our faith.

Anyway, as a journalist with no real understanding of Catholicism, she went into several convents, monasteries, cloisters, and homes to experience the lives of sisters and nuns. I have to admit it's a good idea, and she did not limit her experience to the "progressive" or "liberal" orders to which she was clearly most sympathetic. She also entered the traditional, severe orders such as the Redemptorists, Trappists, and Passionists.

She told the story as any media pundit would tell it, not understanding Catholicism, thus she saw the dissident communities as actually on par or superior to the faithful communities. The book made me embarassed for Catholicism due to the rampant disregard for the Truth. I felt that she made the faithful orders appear to be superstitious and strange, which must be how she saw them in her nearly faithless perspective.

I could not get through the book. I often had to put it down, and this book did more to push me AWAY from religious life than anything else. But I'm not an idiot so I did not let her perspective affect my own discernment. Which is why I put the book down when I got angry. I did eventually get through most of it by piecemeal or by skimming, but by then, an idea began to form.

I'm Catholic, and I'm doing my best to be a faithful Catholic. I'm doing my best to know and understand and teach the faith as it was handed down from Jesus Christ himself. I pray that when I teach, it is Jesus who speaks through me, with all the authority of the Church, not the authority of Adoro.

So....my idea is this:

Take up this same project, but from a different perspective: Visit these communities and write about them from the eyes of faith, the knowledge of the Church, and make the book not just informative, but a spiritual testament of the vibrancy of religious life in America. I would like to visit male orders also but I don't think that would work, so I would suggest that a male author take up a parallel project and complete that part.

In any case, I would love to spend some time with various communities, from days to weeks at a time depending upon how such a thing would work out, live with them, pray with them, write about them, learn from them...and not only tell their stories, but share their wisdom and spirituality. I would focus on the faithful communities.

Because I don't see how an unknown author such as myself would be able to take up such a project, I have not considered the specifics. But if I could do this, I fully believe it could be done even while I am in grad school (Ave Maria program meets once per month, all weekend long, leaving the rest of the month free). Such a project paired with solid theology in grad school...what treasures God could bring out of that intellectual and prayerful marriage!

I can't do it as my life stands now. I have seen magazines and writer's books reference grants, but I don't know if there's a grant large enough to cover my mortgage, association fee, etc., my bills, my dogs, and the travel expenses needed to follow this project. I wouldn't want to sell my house because the project would not be permanent, and I'd need a home base to utilize in the actual writing of the manuscript. Besides, I just learned my new printer has fax capabilities.

I think projects like this are usually commissioned by a publisher, and I have no idea how to even seek that out. I know a book like this would sell, but if I didn't already have a publisher asking for it, then I'd need a sponsor, and that person would have to put up a lot of cash on an unknown with no guarantees.

So for now, it's just a dream, but I like this dream, and if God gave me the ability, I'd love to carry it out. There's a certain community down in Nebraska that would be first on my list. (You know who you are!)

So what do you think? I know some of my regular readers are professional writers, and I know that most of you are faithful Catholics. Would you buy such a book? Would you sponsor such an endeavor? Does the Serra Club have any grants for unknown authors who have big dreams?