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Friday, April 11, 2008

Happy Dance

Cost to repair broken garage door...........................$175.00
Yearly vet bill (shots, etc)................................$250.00+
Monthly mortgage payment....................................$938.00
Association Fee.............................................$170.00
Gas for the car...............................................left foot
Cost of milk..................................................Right foot and ankle
Groceries...................................................left hand
Value of grade of B+ on test I thought I failed...............PRICELESS!





Thank GOD for merciful professors! I did NOT deserve that B+! And I can prove it with all the red marks and corrections on the test! He has the spiritual gift of MERCY and what can I say but THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU GOD!

OK, I've been studying all day and waiting for the garage repair guy. And I'm not done studying, although I have hope I'll get through Fundamental Theology (which I haven't even TOUCHED) this weekend. Then I'll have Monday and Tuesday to clean things up, Wednesday morning if needed, and Thursday morning...gotta work Wed and Thur evenings. Which I hate because I NEVER get stuff done in the mornings...not school stuff. But somehow this will all work out, praise God!

Thursday, April 10, 2008

The Only Question

When it comes down to it, there's only one question we need to ask ourselves. Only one question. And it's our response that determines our actions, and our entire lives.

A friend of mine brought it up last week sometime. She was discussing a talk she'd heard a priest give some time ago, or maybe an article he'd written. I can't name the priest, or the source, or any specifics. But the response he gave stuck with her, and resonates further with me.

Someone had asked the priest how he could give up his whole life, a wife, children, possessions typical of the average person...all of that? How could he have made such a choice?

His answer was simple: "Because I believe God is who He claims to be."


I think that very line stopped my heart for a few moments.

I think that such a profound statement is designed to MAKE our hearts stop for awhile.

And what a profound effect those words, of that unknown priest, echoing through others, has caused! Here I am, days later, alternately questioning and answering this reverberating, resonating, deeply magnified echo.

Is God who He claims to be?

GOD is who He claims to be...

God is who He claims to be...

God is who He claims to be.


And I have to anwer that echo. I have to answer the response. I have to make a choice; to believe, or to disbelieve.

I can't disbelieve, because I know different. I have made the decision; God is EXACTLY who He claims to be. Jesus Christ is EXACTLY who He claims to be.

Because of the words of that one nameless, unknown priest, every time I look at a priest or see the title "Father", I recognize the response to the challenge; Is God who He claims to be?

And every time I look at a Sister or a Brother...the same response: their very lives for the Lord. Their very LIVES for God.

Because they looked at the promises of the world, and the promises of God. And we all know that the promises of the world are naught but shadows and puppets and feints. Yet the Word of the Lord is eternal. Our very being reveals that there is an objective Truth, there must be a Creator; God exists. And He stands in juxtaposition to the world and all its fakery, all its fallenness.

I'm in the latter. I'm in that world. I see the lies, the seduction, the false promises. Who hasn't?

In the end, we have to respond to the Question...is God who He claims to be?

For if He is...we have to choose.

If God is our All in All...we need to drop our crystals, for they are only rocks. If God is the Holy Spirit...we need to denounce practices such as Reiki.
If God is All-Knowing and All-Powerful (Omnipotent)...we need to abandon our pursuit of the Occult.

If we believe that God is who He claims to be, then we need to realize that the above practices break the First Commandment and offend God, for they are formally idol worship. For we cannot put our faith in rocks if God is God, and we cannot trust in Chi if the Holy Spirit is the One we desire to inhabit our souls, and we cannot seek knowledge from manipulated sources that manipulate us...opposing the Creator who gave us Free Will and asked us to TRUST.

If Jesus suffered and died on the Cross, for us, personally, knowing our lack of trust, we must believe that God truly loves us. Each and every one.

That understanding should change us. It should make us consider the pretty baubles in our hands in contrast with the sacrifice made for us; and we should drop the rocks. They cannot be cast upon another, and they cannot be held in order to heal us. A rock is a created object and contains nothing in and of itself.

If we place our faith in rocks, we deny God. If we place our faith in ourselves, we deny God. If we place our faith in money or power or career...we deny God.

Is God who He claims to be?

If He is...then why do YOU deny Him?

If God is who He claims to be...what stops us from giving Him our unconditional YES!?

Wednesday, April 09, 2008

Don't EVER Use the Q Word!

Tonight's religious ed classes were going well. There were some minor things that popped up, but easily handled, and nothing that really required anything other than running up and down a hallway a couple times. It was weird. It was eerie. I knew something was coming.

That sense was confirmed during the second session, during which two catechists said to me, "It's a really quiet night!"

I knew we were doomed. I didn't even bother to chastize them for using the "Q" word, because, truth be told, I was beginning to think that in fact, all was well.

Don't EVER make that mistake!

I went down the hall to a meeting room where a small party had taken place tonight, noting that a little cleanup was needed. As I stood in the kitchen, grabbing a couple items, I happened to look into the cafeteria, and saw that for some reason, there were paper towels piled on the floor near a boy who was standing upright, holding more paper towels to his face. What was this game?

It wasn't hard to see the blood. Lots of it.

I had a couple of wet paper towels in my hand, and entered the room. The catechist had a clump of bloody paper towels in her hand, said he had a bloody nose, and it wouldn't stop. She wondered about a biohazard kit. I realized we didn't have anything handy and decided that it wasn't immediately important...the ongoing blood WAS a factor.

The kid was calm, but the catechist wasn't so much...her concern...it wouldn't stop! She'd never seen it not stop! She had been about to come get me. I have to admit I mostly ignored her, noting only that she was close to panic, and I was surprised; she's a champ around kids. And I had to try not to get caught up in her panic. Her tone made me want to just call 911, and I knew that such action wasn't necessary...at least, not at that point.

I asked the kid how long it had been bleeding. About 2 or 3 minutes, and yes, he'd had bloody noses before. The catechis said again that it wouldn't stop. I told them both it was fine...sometimes it takes a little while. And this one had started as a result of an unfortunate meeting between playing children. All of the playing had stopped, and the group was genuinely concerned. It's always a major event if someone is bleeding.

So we walked the kid down the hall towards the office, and it seems one of the kids had run to get one of us, for our secretary was bringing some napkins and paper towels (much better than the industrial brown paper grocery bags they place on a roll in schools and other mass-people settings). She also had an ice pack. Perfect.

We sat him down in the office and proceeded to clean him up. I gotta give that kid credit; he had remained calm, although he was a bit shaken while standing in the gym. And his first thought about moving was that he didn't want to get blood trailing him in the hallway! And then he let us clean him up, and just did as he was told, careful not to touch anything or do anything to make it worse. That kid was a champ!

Of course, this was immediately at the end of the session. That meant that all sorts of catechists were rushing the office with stuff and things and requests for next week or two weeks from now. One had a form to turn in, one that goes to the DRE, not me, but they always try to give that form to me, no matter how many times I tell them it goes elsewhere. So there I was, kneeling, cleaing this kid up, blood all over my (gloved) hands, bloody paper towels in my hands, and she tries to hand me a form. I admit I looked at her like she was nuts, kinda waved my hands a bit to show off all the redness, and suggested she just set it down in a convenient location?

Oh...right. She agreed. I learned that one can do many things and carry on several convesations while mopping blood from a child.

Quiet night? Dear God, SPARE US from "Quiet nights!"

Other Business...

I have been in recent contact with the Sisters who came to speak last fall at a vocations day for the Confirmation class. Sister M.K. in particular has been in contact, and today reiterated her invitation to visit them some evening for prayer and dinner. I sent an email in return, but as they don't tend to check their email more than a couple times per week, I decided to just call the convent. She wasn't back yet (they are teachers), so I left a message with my numbers, and haven't heard from her yet. I'm accepting her invitation...they are awesome Sisters, and I'm looking forward to seeing them again.

My DRE is aware of the visit. She asked me if it's a "professional" visit. I don't know. But I do know I LOVE the Sisters and really want to visit them. And I know some of you are out there...DON'T JUMP TO CONCLUSIONS!

Next thing...

On the garage door...a friend of mine, a neighbor who also recently had problems recommended a particular business and gave me the number. So I called them, and told them I knew a cable had snapped. It'll be $138 to replace both cables (which makes sense to replace BOTH at the same time.) * sigh * They'll be out on Friday, which is a day I was going to take off anyway. This time it just means I have to sit at home and wait for service. Oh, and I really need to clean my house because it's a disaster and I can't have people walking through here to access the garage and have them see such a sty. My neighbor already did. I'm still embarassed.

One of my catechists also had a similar problem, but in her case, it was the spring..which they realized when they tried to release the door so as to open it manually. It wouldn't move...like mine. I'm just praying I don't have a two-fold garage door failure.

NEXT TOPIC....

Another winter storm is coming. The brunt should pass to our north, but my county is included in the watch and disaster. On the positive side, the worst of the travel that day will be on Friday..which I'll have off. And I can delay giving my dog her Frontline (someone I know already saw a tick on her dog), and I also have the day off, so I won't have to deal with traffic. Unless I visit the Sisters Friday, and it could be that we do that on Saturday instead. Or Sunday. Or in a couple weeks.

But the bad side....I can't get my car into my garage, meaning that I'm hoping my doors don't freeze shut, I'll have to clean off my car, I'll have to shovel my own stupid driveway instead of let the people I'm paying my left hand to plow do so. Etc.

And besides...it's APRIL! I'm not ready for warm temps, but I am SICK of snow! It's not useful to me in the way of skiing, it's the sticky sort that is FAR WORSE than cold, dry scuttering snow, because it packs down and becomes a rink if any pressure is placed on it.

I'm not asking for much...a cool, rainy spring (I'm ok with rainy), no more snow, and a cool summer that doesn't involve humidity or the necessity of using central air. Because other than my plumbing and electrical, it's the only thing I have left to replace.

Oh...yeah....just don't use the word "Quiet" and maybe we'll get by for a little longer....

Tuesday, April 08, 2008

Silepnlg

A friend snet this to me tdaoy:


fi yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too.

Cna yuo raed tihs?

Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can.

i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!


Wow. And I get occasional comments from people more anal than I am about spelling and grammar...maybe they should read this? Then again...it's not really any different than the Minneapolis Star Tribune...

Thanks for Noticin' Me

It's been a rough day for a lot of reasons, but this evening I stopped by church on my way home so I could go to Confession. The priest wasn't who I expected; the door sign had one name, but when he began, it wasn't him. But I did recognize the voice and was grateful, for the one who heard my Confession tonight is a wonderful Confessor.

But there was something new...as soon as I knelt down, and he began to speak...in Latin. I didn't understand the words, but I knew what he was saying, I saw the shadow behind the screen as he made the sign of the cross. And this indescribable feeling of comfort, even AWE came over me. I KNEW I was in the presence of God, and even if I can't understand HIM, HE understands me.

For a moment, I couldn't speak...I was actually overcome. And I nearly forgot a major sin. But Father would have waited as long as necessary; there was a sense of anticipation as I paused, trying to remember, as though THAT was the sin he was waiting for. And when I left, I KNEW I was forgiven. I knew it was over.

When I entered the Church tonight, my home parish, I was a prodigal daughter. I did not deserve to be called God's daughter. I knew it. I also didn't deserve His mercy. And I felt it painfully all day; how I needed to be reconciled. There I was, so close to Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament, all day long, right down the hall...but I was not united with Him. I'd slammed that door. Sweet, sweet, blessed relief this evening as I left the church, heading home. I was joyful, I was happy, and I was peaceful.

Then I got home, and it all came to a screeching halt.

Literally. My garage door, that is, came to a screeching halt.


The Agony and Ecstasy of home ownership


I hit the button as usual, and that door opened partially...and stopped. I was confused. Had I bumped the button again? I hit it again and the door dropped, and as it did so, I saw it was crooked. When it came to rest, that was confirmed...one side touched the ground, the other did not. I hit the button again, irrationally, willing this problem away. Nope. Same result.

Crap. (That's about the strongest word I use these days. Usually. I think the Grace of Confession helped me stay away from stronger words this evening).

With a sigh, I got out of my car and walked around to the front door, irritated because, not only is this going to cost me money I don't have, but it's garbage night. And not just regular garbage night..it's RECYCLING night.

So first I went into the garage and stared at the door. The problem was easy to spot; the cable on one side snapped. * sigh *

Well, at least it's not the motor. That thing has been "going" for awhile, but today, it's not the problem; everything else is. So, resigned to my fate, I hauled the recycling container and the garbage can through my kitchen and livingroom, out the front door, disgusted. But I couldn't leave the stinking garbage for another week! As I returned to my house, my next door neighbor came out and asked, "Are you having problems with your garage door again?"

"How did you know? Because I was dragging my garbage out through the front door?"

He laughed, and together we walked around to the front as I explained what happened. He came in with me (through my embarassingly messy house), and we went into the garage. He noted the several things that need to be done and recommended one business, cautioning that it would cost me. We tried to release the door so it could be opened manually...but no, it's stuck.

I was already planning on taking Friday off in order to get my homework done as I'm behind and if I don't have that day, I won't be done in time for class in a week. Well, maybe, since I'll be home pouring over books anyway, someone can come and tell me which limb I'll be using to pay for this.

I called a friend, another neighbor who also recently had garage door problems. She is also dating a contractor. I doubt he himself can help, but he's in the right biz and might be able to recommend someone. In any case, tonight I can do nothing about it. So I'm going to suck it up, hope for the best, and accept this as God's will for me in this moment. I don't have to like it. I just have to offer it up.

Apparently this is why God made credit cards. Or someone did (someone who shall remain nameless). My current plan is just to have them fix the door to the degree that I can open and close it manually, and maybe install some kind of lock. Of course, the security in this door is the automated feature, so I don't know what can be done. But I do know that blood can't be squeezed out of a rock, so unless Extreme Home Makeovers (or whatever it's called) descends upon my puny townhome, when I sell this place it's going to be far less than market.

It already is. Or, rather, the market fell. When I closed on my house, I "paid" $133,000, locked in at a 6% interest rate, 30 year fixed loan. Taxes were to come out of escrow. The first year, I got a refund. The second year, an increase...and same every year after. This year, I got a notice showing that it appeared property taxes had fallen, yet when I got my statement from the mortgage company, I saw that I had to pay either $280 or so or my payment would go up $30 per month. WHAT!

I also received the general appraisal upon which taxes are based...my home is estimated at $122,000. And I'm paying more in taxes than I was when I bought this place!

So much for an investment. And if I were to try to sell it, I'd have a bunch to spend just to make it presentable (not that I've worn it down so much, just that I'd have to clean the carpets professionally, repaint, spackle some spots...fix the garage door, the water softner, replace the kitchen sink, replace the central air - that's next to break - replace the downstairs ceiling fan and the electrical fixture in the walk-in closet. And I fear there's more).

I'm seriously regretting this purchase; had I known the actual cost when I bought this place, I would have just gotten another apartment. Because then at least I'd break even. Oh, and in fact, I'd be ahead...my student loans would be paid, my currnt grad school loans would be non-existant, and I'd be able to take simple trips guilt-free as I'd be able to occasionally afford them.

I am grateful for one thing, however; that I didn't allow my Realtor to talk me into an ARMS loan; had I done that, I'd be living in a box right now.

Praise God for these small favors.

Do you remember the Winnie-the-Pooh episode where Eeyore kept trying to build his "house", but every time he did so, something caused it to crash down around his drooping ears? And at the end of the show, FINALLY he got the shelter built and he was lying down for a well-deserved nap, and Piglet came catapaulting through the air, right through Eeyore's house. Once again, it crashed down around him.

Eeyore looked up, sighed and said, "Thanks for noticin' me..."

Yup. That's all I can say, too, I guess.

Monday, April 07, 2008

Daughters of Mary, Mother of Israel's Hope

We indeed live in exciting times.

Rosalind Moss is on EWTN tonight, on The Journey Home, (one of the shows that helped me to come back home). While the fact that she is forming a new religious community is old news, tonight she discussed it, and in a couple months, they will have their formal beginning.

For those who don't know, she is forming a religious community: Daughters of Mary, Mother of Israel's Hope. They are an evangelistic community, will be in the streets, habited, a physical presence of God in our secular world. Not many details have been released as of yet, likely for very good reason.

I have seen commenters on other blogs or news stories who were pretty much demanding more info for those discerning, and of course, this information is necessary. However, I think that some of those need to understand that the Community is not yet formal, they are likely under very strict supervision, and it wouldn't be prudent to say more than necessary in this time of very early formation.

Many are expressing interest, and I'll admit I'm watching this closely. (Please don't jump to conclusions). And in any case, we should all pray for the success of this new Community, and remember the old advice: if it is of God, it will come to fruition and it will last. If it is not of God, it will die out, and by that fruit we will know it.

But I like what Rosalind Moss has to say about this, I loved her brief spiritual testament (she may have been Called as a 20-year-old Jewish girl), and I just LOVE the way God works.

So let us see where this leads. Exciting times, my friends. Exciting times for us all.

UPDATE: At the end of the show, Ms. Moss gave some additional information. She is going to take the name Mother Miriam of the Lamb of God. The Community will follow the spirituality of St. Francis de Sales, (and...that, like the Dominican intellect, follows St. Augustine.) They will wear full habits, floor length, full veils, full wimple and a scapular. I get the sense that the color will be black and white, but she did not say specifically.

If you are interested in more information, you may write:

Rosalind Moss
P.O. Box 582
La Mesa, CA 91944

Saturday, April 05, 2008

Church Militant

What does it mean to be a member of the "Church Militant"? Have you ever considered it?


As soon as you're Confirmed, though...you're a member. You're in the Army. You're a Marine. You're in the Navy, and you're doing flyovers in the Air Force. Or maybe you're National Guard, filling all roles, or perhaps the Coast Guard, focusing not on combat, but on rescue and reparation. (I think I'm a Coastie...)

Congratuations, Catholic...you're a Militant now. And it's true.

But have you accepted your role, and do you have ANY IDEA what it means? Do you understand your commission? Do you realize that this is war?

We are all given different charisms; each according to God's terms. It is HE who calls us to service. It is He who assigns, it is He who commandeers our battles. And it is He who suffers the most (unlike the military found in humanity).

Are you aware that we are all OBLIGATED to defend our faith? It is a requirement of BAPTISM, further emphasized by CONFIRMATION.

But fear not..."defending" your faith means a lot of things.

Some interpret it to mean that we must fight tooth and nail against dissenters by declaring heresies, and in general hurl insults at people who simply don't understand our beliefs. Others think that it means harsh debate that denigrates into name-calling. Neither of the above models "defends" anything other than Pride.

Seek the fruits...follow the truth. What is true defense?

There are some who are gifted debaters. The Early Church was FULL of such souls; St. Justin Martyr was one of them. He wrote the first Apology (defense), Apologia, explaining what it meant to partake in the flesh of Christ (among other things). St. John Chrysostom, St. Cyprian, St. Cyril....all were wonderful debators. And in their debate, they did not denegrate the other who opposed them; rather, they upheld the One who sustained them.

The great art of debate has been lost in our culture, and we should not understand the term according to what plays out before us on the national stage, edited by the media.

Even today, there are those who are gifted in debate in defense of our faith. They key to defense in this regard is charity (divine love), for we are all called to defend our faith in LOVE.

Not out of animosity. Not out of anger. Not out of self-serving righteousness. Not out of the "I'm-right-and-you're-a-twit" Syndrome. Pride has no place in the defense of the Faith, in defense of Christ.

Yet some are called to a certain form of debate, for they have, for the most part, often found the balance: Apologists. Not all "apologists" provide a good example, however, those who are the most effective are coherent, intelligent, well grounded, well formed, and even-tempered. Religion is a topic that often gets heated very quickly; those who are truly called to defend the Faith in this way are those who can deflect the arrows of a hot-tempered opponent or cohort, and thus maintain a calm spirit in the face of inflammatory attacks. In short, they hold fast to reason and their own passions.

WHAT NOT TO DO

I used to frequent a Catholic website with a forum for Apologetics, and in fact, I learned a great deal there. However, once I found my place in the Church, the forum become tiresome because simple, innnocent questions often were denigrated into flame wars...even among the friendly! I still remember asking a question in a "Miscellaneous" forum, and the self-appointed "apologists" who jumped all over what I'd said, making accusations, leaping to amazingly weird conclusions, claiming all sorts of knowledge which had not been alluded to or needed. I ended up defending a friend implied but not named in my original question, as all sorts of weird heresies were attributed to him.

Those people may style themselves as apologists...they were, in fact, twits in the faith. (Sorry, that's just how it is.) So prideful they couldn't bother to read the actual question and answer it. It was more important to some to appear to know all, to quote all documents to refute questions that had not been asked.

I really no longer frequent that forum...it's too draining to defend and define, word by word, the simplest of questions when the original post has been deconstructed repeatedly by these strange people.

TRUE DEFENSE

The best defense is a good offense.

We've all heard it. We know...but to the above-described set, their missives on blogs and in forums is the offense: Put it out there, just DARE someone to refute it! And many don't even realize that the stuff they put out there is in error. Or just angry ranting. (I have engaged in this very thing myself.)

Anger doesn't beget conversions, people. You might be doing well in riling up the already-angry crowd, but really, how is our Lord going to see that as you go to your Judgment?

We all have to remember...even though we CAN rile people up, should we? What is the ultimate consequence? If we are angry, should we beget anger? What is the good in that?

Let us remember that Christ was reviled, and we should all have cause to be completely, fully outraged. Yet he accepted His cross and invited us to do the same. Anger has no place when we consider the cross of Christ in the defense of the Faith. The two simply contradict one another.

Yes, there ARE times for righteous anger...but that needs to be carefully discerned and not used in the service of Pride.

CONVERSION

Those of you who have left the Church and returned...what was it that evangelized you? Those of you who have come into the Church...what was it that called you Home?

Was it harsh debate, name-calling, or so-called righteous anger?

Or was it a personal connection, a friend willing to listen, someone willing to answer your questions, with honesty but without judgment directed at you?

The defense of the Faith to which we are all called does not ASK for Charity; it DEMANDS it. It DEMANDS that we put aside our own issues in order to serve what is needed in the other. It does not demand compromise; it only demands a willingness to listen, a willigness to explain, to teach, to find what is common...to synthesize, and encourage another to come to their OWN conclusion. For the only conclusion is Truth...but truth is found through reason, not force.

Yup. True evangelization appeals to reason. We must allow those who come to us to be themselves, to believe what they believe, and through honest dialogue, help direct them to what is good. We do not change what we believe or sugar-coat, however, we cannot preach fire-and-brimstone to someone sincerely seeking redemption; they are not necessarily ready for that message. That is a message for the converted...at least in our society. Yet there are those who would be terrified of that, and frightened away forever. There are others who do need that message in order to come back to the faith...and it leads to a fuller understanding. Each soul has different needs, but NONE needs vitriol.

We must discern...which message, for which person?

On a blog, we don't know. We are all given different gifts, and sometimes the harsh messages are necessary, for they are truthful. Yet we must take care for our delivery.


SO WHAT IS A TRUE DEFENSE?


Love. Real, honest love. Charity. It is a weapon that cannot be defeated.

We must SHINE. We aren't Saints; we can't even pretend to be so. Yet even through that oily sheen of sin that clings to us, staining us, others can see our attempts, our desires to be holy, our hope in Jesus Christ. And that attracts them.

The best defense is a good witness; the best defense is an honest witness; the best defense is a witness willing to suffer. Because it's often the witnesses who take the fall. It was true in the time of Christ, and it is true in our current times.

We are called to defend our Faith and give reason for our hope; it is synonymous to say we are called to love Christ and exemplify Christ to the world.

We don't all have to be geniuses, or eloquent debators, or angelic doctors; we only have to live our faith. That's it. Because a life well lived is the best reference; our relationship with Jesus means more than all the books of the Bible memorized and catalogued. Do you realize why Catholic Churches have stained glass, etched stones, and statues? Because not everyone could read; not everyone was educated. Cathedrals contain our faith summarized in pictures. It educates the poor. And it glorifies God; every color, every panel, every inch of decoration points to the Lord and gives definition to our Faith. It is Scripture and Tradition in pictures.

All we have to do is love God, let Him shine through us, consciously...and He will do the rest.

Are you ready? Are you willing to accept this mission? You have already been called...now it's time to serve.

Friday, April 04, 2008

Falling Dominoes

I've been completely stressed out all week, and the next two days promise to be a nightmare...although at least we got through tonight's retreat. Tomorrow it's two retreats, two different Sacraments. And following that, a Sunday retreat.

And then we'll be over that hump. But I began today thoroughly exhausted. About an hour before the retreat, Father came to my office to make sure I didn't need anything and to let me know where he would be. But as soon as he'd said hello, he commented, "You look really tired. You should go outside and get some air."

Wow. I must have looked REALLY BAD for him to even comment. Because of course I've been to work on days where maybe I was tired or just not feeling well, and he's never said a thing.

I just got home from tonight's work, I made it through, and now I'm going to finally eat dinner and go to sleep. I'm almost afraid to sleep...lately all I do in my sleep is dream about work or bizarre conglomerations of things that don't make sense. It's stress sleeping...and it causes one to wake up more exhausted than they'd been the night before. I'm seriously contemplating just staying awake all night...that way I can ensure I won't be working!

Nah..I'm too tired to keep my eyes open for that long. So...I wonder which facet of my job I'll be dreaming about tonight?

I can't wait until this weekend comes to an end. For me, it's not a weekend, just a series of days. Some dominoes that need to be pushed over.

But even then, it won't be over. I have so much work to do for school, and certainly I'll get through it, but it's going to be very tight. This time, because we got an extra week because of Easter, it shortened our next "month" between classes and I wasn't able to get as far ahead as I'd hoped. So I'll be crunching to get through the tests and the assignments due on that weekend.

And work...everything is coming to a head, and I'm living in holy terror that my incompentance is going to completely mess everything up. Boy, am I in need of some experienced volunteers to bail me out of this mess!

I think this is the part where I'm supposed to be trusting God...but I'm failing miserably, at that and other things. Please pray for me, and for all those I'm supposed to be serving.


UPDATE 6:05 AM SATURDAY: I woke up at 4:30 and could not sleep...I tried. I fell asleep maybe 15 minutes before my alarm went off. I dreamed about work. * sigh * Get me coffee...more coffee...

Thursday, April 03, 2008

Some Memes

Angela tagged me for Meme Without a Name, to be followed by Jay3gsm's tag for the 7 things Meme.


What was I doing 10 years ago?
1998....I was seeking God, not a practicing Catholic, crying uncontrollably at Mass whenever I went, and working a night job. And occasional temp work wth the Developmentally Disabled (there's a particular house in West St. Paul that resides in my heart in a special way.)


Five things on my To Do list.

1. Go to work this afternoon and scream when I realize all the things that have to be done by 6 pm tonight. Or before.

2. Get my mortgage paid and the late charge removed (the last one wasn't late, and I've never been late but for January when they sent out the bill labeled "Tax Information" so I filed it as such...and they've since said they'd waive the late charge which was their fault. Now they've reinstituted it for some unknown cause.)

3. Vacuum...again and again. Shedding season is upon us.

4. Study and study some more!

5. Tilt at windmills in order to relieve stress.

Favorite snacks

Doritos with queso dip and salsa, Nuts (to match my personality), Chocolate, and Ice Cream. And whatever happens to come to my attention at any given time because I am woman and whims become me.

Things I would do if I were a billionaire.
Hmmm....is this a limited list?

I'd buy a house large enough for Mom to have her own "apartment", and hire someone both to keep house and trained especially as a nurse. I'd pay off my brother's debt, but for his townhome which he is sharing with his girlfriend. My marriage gift to them would be their own house...wherever they choose to live. I'd donate to the Horseman's Association (at the racetrack). I'd get my home parish out of debt and offer to refurbish it. I'd help fund the John Paul VI Institute. I'd visit the Holy Land and Rome.

There's so much more...a billion dollars is a LOT.

Three of my bad habits.
Only three? That's it? OK.

1. I avoid conflict whenever I can
2. I delay doing dishes so as to be able to use the dishwasher.
3. I notoriously pull books off my shelves and then don't replace them when I'm done.
4. I'm disobedient to the boundaries set by Memes.

Five places I have lived.
Rockford, Illinois; Puebla, Mexico; Alexandria, Minnesota; Minneapolis Minnesota; Hopkins, Minnesota, and the Adoration Chapel.


Five jobs I have had:
Lifeguard, Assistant Teacher (Summer and After-School Program), Teacher (as a High School Student, for 3rd-6th graders, in after school enrichment), Careworker in Adolescent Psychiatric Hospital (I was in charge of the locked unit for awhile), Police Officer (really), Insurance Investigator.


NEXT MEME!


These are the rules:

1. When tagged place the name and URL on your blog.
2. Post rules on your blog.
3. Write 7 non-important things/habit/quirks about yourself.
4. Name 7 of your favourite blogs.
5. Send an email/comment on their blog letting them know they have been tagged.



1. I like animals...and they tend to like me. Abused and frightened animals tend to gravitate towards me, and I to them.

2. I never know what to say on these things.

3. I have little sacramentals all over my house...statues, candles, St. Benedict medals, etc.

4. Every morning, I walk my dog for about a half hour.

5. I have never broken a bone (maybe a stress fracture in my foot a few years ago, but that's it, and that's only a guess as it was never diagnosed.)

6. If I don't have coffee in the morning, I can't function.


I'm not going to tag anyone because I and all the blogs I read frequently have done these a few times. So....if someone would LIKE to do either of these Memes, comment that you are doing so, or go ahead and answer in the combox. :-)

Spring Fever!

It's the cure for CABIN Fever!

FINALLY! WOO HOO!

I'm off work today, because although the calender says "Thursday", in the life of Adoro, it's actually Saturday. Because I have to work the calender Saturday (and the calender Sunday), so incidentally, my Sunday is actually Monday.

So today I ran some errands that needed to be completed:

First I stopped at my church and went to the giftshop to get my Magnificat for April. Although I want to learn to pray Liturgy of the Hours, I don't have the set or know how to pray it. (Incidentally...for all of you interested praying LOTH but you don't have the books, check the bottom of the post for a tip!) And of course I stopped in for a few moments to say hello to Jesus in the chapel. It's just WRONG to walk into a church, even on a quick errand, and not stop for 30 seconds to say Hello to our Divine Host. Would you for one moment go into your parent's house to pick up something from the fridge and leave without greeting them, even if you were in a huge hurry? No, I didn't think so.

Then I got my overdue oil change and got the tires rotated, and studied while that happened. And I got it done at the dealership since my warranty is nearly up and they are really good at catching warranty issues. The last time my car was in they replaced the rear bushings. It's more expensive to get stuff done at the dealer, but they are fast, they gave me a car wash token, and as soon as my warranty is up and I will have to pay for all things on my own, well, then I'll hit the cheaper places.

Then I went to the gym and had a nice workout, but I cheated on my weightlifting today...even working out made me restless to do something else.

I had a couple other errands to run, day-off stuff and came home, ate lunch, started to study, and realized that I couldn't keep my eyes open. I had vowed not to take a nap today, but the truth is that I've been so stressed out at work. It's been a crazy week, I'm overwhelmed at the stuff that's happening this weekend and the prep for VBS (that I'm behind on), and I'm terrified I'm going to mess things up in my complete incompetance. And the Momzillas and Grandmazillas in the sacramental classes have me terrified.

All last night, I'm not sure I'll call it "sleep". First I couldn't sleep, so I said some prayers and when I did finally sleep, I dreamd about work. And other crazy things. (I dreamed I saw Blessed Pier Giorgio Frassati sitting at a computer, working on something. He glanced up and said, "You're going to meet your spiritual mother soon" and then he went back to what he was doing.) And the odd dreams just went on, mostly revolving around things going on in my life. Unfortunately, not the fun stuff. And I assure you...there ARE fun things in my life. As soon as I get unburied from the work and classwork, well, I'll let you know what those things are.

So I gave in and took a nap...and had another series of really really strange dreams, which tells me I really DID need the sleep. Because those kinds of dreams don't happen outside of complete mental exhaustion or a fever. Cabin fever maybe? Or now have we formally moved into Spring Fever? I think so.

At the store this morning, I picked up some steak, on sale, because, darn it, I'm grilling today! It's 54 degrees out, the weather is FINE and although I should be studying I can't concentrate one bit! So me n' my pooch are going for a walk, then we're going to come on back and get the grill ready. I have a little Smokey Joe, I have charcoal, and I have steak. And Tiger Sauce and some red wine for the marinade (I might skip the wine part today, though...the problem with cooking with wine, if it's not already open, you have to drink it within a day or so unless you have stuff to help reseal the bottle to preserve it for longer.) And I got Mom's frozen corn (always a pleasure!), potatoes and onions for the grill....mmmm.

Anyway...that's cabin fever for ya! We got some rainy days coming up this weekend, so my evenings will be spent studying then. Today...my mind needs a break and I'm giving in to Spring Fever. And I found the command in scripture that gives me permission to pass this game of hookey on to you: Jesus said, "Go, and do likewise." (Lk 10:37)

So...LITURGY OF THE HOURS Tip: A friend of mine, a Youth Minister in the biz for 11 years this year, offered this information. She said that everyone she knows who prays Liturgy of the Hours didn't spend a penny on the 4 volumes that comprise it. Because...what do priests often receive as ordination gifts, or gifts in the seminary, etc? Liturgy of the Hours. Some of them have stacks and stacks of them. So they give them away to all the poor souls who can't afford them, as an official priestly act of mercy, charity, justice, instructing the ignorant, spiritually impoverished, etc.

So...if there are any priests (or any other wonderful souls) reading this post who still has extra volumes of Liturgy of the Hours and cares to help out a spiritually impoverished soul such as myself...or any of my readers (um...readers, that wasn't an insult, it was shameless begging on your behalf, and mine)...please comment or send an email! It is an absolute travesty that these books should sit around collecting dust when someone could be PRAYING with them!

Monday, March 31, 2008

Confirmation Name Meme

I think this is more of a free-form kind of Meme, and thanks to Theocoid for the inspiration and origin:


Many of us were Confirmed under the name of another Saint. The practice today is to be Confirmed under our Baptismal name (which is in fact, the most proper) but there are some Confirmed under a Saint's name because their given name is not a Christian name. (Think about it: Autumn, Aureliuste, Destiny, Moon Shadow, Raven, Zephastophanes....).

In my parish, the practice was to be Confirmed under the name of a Saint, and we wore our chosen Saint's name in place of our own for the Sacrament. I actually loved St. Joan of Arc...but that was Mom's Saint...so, as a rebellious teen, I couldn't possibly take that name.

So I searched and searched through Butler's "Lives of the Saints" and chose a name I liked...and wished I had...and discerned whether I could live with it for life: Christina.

I don't know why I liked the name, but in researching it, I did like my options. Unfortunately, some of the Christina's were legendary. Others just seemed weird. But I couldn't let the name go. I didn't want to go with a popular Saint like St. Therese of Lisieux or some other, because I wasn't popular myself. I was looking for a Saint who was weird, like me. Someone who didn't fit in. Someone completely misunderstood by others. Someone who didn't like others...and didn't care. (I'm not painting a very flattering picture of myself at the time, but it's how I felt and it's how I saw the world.)

At that time in my life I hated the world,I hated my life, and in fact, I wanted to die. I didn't want to even associate with the world. So the more bizarre revelations of the life of St. Christina were in fact, very appealing to me.

My human intentions, admittedly, were not proper nor were they pure. But I think my Saint's own intervention proves the intcession of the Saints. I chose a Saint in a very tumultous time in my life...and she has answered, over and over again.

I remember meeting with the priest at mh parish, and telling him about my Saint. And although I knew the priest well (as I was well involved in my parish) I had a difficult time explaining why I chose this Saint because my choice was so close to my heart and my suffering. I felt that if I revealed too much...well, he would know what we were going through and what I was going through. And maybe he would guess what I was thinking, and most certainly, he'd react to stop me. And I didn't want ANYONE to know my soul, even him. I sat there in his office across from my Pastor, contemplating suicide, revealing my Saint.

I chose St. Christina. There are several St. Christinas, some are legendary, some not. So I chose from the conglomeration, and what I really wanted. I chose from the very heart of my suffering.

St. Christina: Little Christ.

A Saint who suffered and was persecuted for proclaiming the Gospel. She proclaimed Christ...and as punishment, they cut out her tongue. She spoke more eloquently than beofore.

She spoke of her visions of Christ...and they cut out her eyes. She saw more clearly than before.

I think in some legends, they threw her into a furnace and she survived, so they tried to drown her, but she was saved by St. Michael.

There were stories about how she would hide in ovens to escape the odor of sin. The first picture (above) is a depiction of St. Christina the Astonishing. She had apparently died, but during her funeral she sat up in the casket and levitated to the rafters. The priest officiating at her funeral had to talk her into coming down; but she was there because she could not stand the odor of sin and was only seeking to escape it. From that point on, she devoted her life to praying for the Holy Souls in Purgatory, wishing that she herself could finally expire in order to be with her Beloved, Christ, for eternity.

Some of this was clearly legend, so I took from the legends the gist of the meaning, and that was what I used to explain my Saint: No matter what they did to St. Christina, it made her strong. No matter what form of persecution, that attack made her stronger in that very thing they sought to destroy.

I didn't realize at the time that the Saint really chose me, for she took pity on me in the life we were living. And although much of what is known about her is legendary, there is some truth, and it reveals that the woman was a true feminist; outspoken for Christ, uncompromising in truth.

And I see now that there is even a link to the Dominicans...she has been compared to St. Mary Magdalene, very special in the Dominican Order, and it seems she was even taken into a Dominican convent. Even though I should not be surprised...I am. Because I have come to believe, whether Lay or Religious, I have a Dominican Vocation. Thank you, St. Christina.

I'm 33 this year, and chose this Saint when I was only 15 or 16; but she has clearly been a huge part of my life. For it has been in my weaknesses that I have been made strong, through those being drawn to Christ. And it was in what I thought I fled that brought me to the very sources of my fears and the very meaning of my life.

You can read about St. Christina here and here and here.

Whom shall I tag?

Ask not for whom the blog tags, for it tags Thee!

Sunday, March 30, 2008

DIVINE MERCY

Eternal Father, I offer You the Body and Blood, Soul, and Divinity of Our Lord Jesus Christ, in atonement for our sins and those of the whole world. For the sake of His sorrowful Passion, have Mercy on us and on the whole world!

Today is the Feast of Divine Mercy, and what a wonderful feast, indeed! But it's not a new feast...God has always been merciful. Last semester, I completed a synthetic study on God's Mercy in the Old Testament, and indeed learned that many of the actions taken by God revealed His mercy. So much so that I titled my paper, "God is Revealed Through His Mercy." Just a quick glimpse through a concordance indexes many passages: "The Lord is kind and merciful, slow to anger and quick to forgive..."

God has NEVER spurned a contrite heart; His wrath was for the unrepentant, and more often than not, the result of God's wrath was to let the consequences of the people's own sins overcome them. Yet if even ONE soul came to Him for forgiveness, God was merciful. And shockingly, the Father's greatest sign of love and mercy was personified in His only Son, Jesus Christ.

You expired, O Jesus, but the source of life gushed forth for souls and an ocean of mercy opened up for the whole world. O Fount of Life, unfathomable Divine Mercy, envelop the whole world and empty Yourself out upon us. O Blood and Water, which gushed forth from the Heart of Jesus as a fount of mercy for us, I trust in You. Amen

I had class all weekend, so this evening I'm relaxing, letting my mind forget the debacle that was my test this morning, trying to absorb everything I learned since Friday night. And I'm surfing a little.

You may be interested in visiting Fr. Schnippel's blog, for he has a great number of wonderful, insightful posts from the last couple weeks. And today's post inspired this one. He addresses the backsliding that occurrs after a spiritual experience.

There is a natural tendency after going through a traumatic experience to slide back into an old way of life, especially experiences of a profound conversion, a profound spiritual encounter; if it does not ‘take hold’ so to speak, we can find ourselves very easily backsliding into our old way of life, our old existence, and nothing really is changed from before.


(Read the rest...)

In reading that, it made me realize that there's a few ways to consider that backsliding, and something that we all need to look at. Because, let's face it; we all backslide. Every single one of us. If we didn't, there would be no need for Confession. We'd never committ mortal sin. Our veniel sins would become fewer and fewer. And it could be that for you, this is true. But for the vast majority of us, we go to Confession and we NEED to be there either because we're on that backsliding path, that path that is all-too-worn, the path that reveals our high-traffic and rapid slippage down the slope towards the unmentionable place. (Hint: I'm talking about Hell)

The Sacraments are our only handholds. When we've fallen, we can't get up on our own, but we sure can yell...and that's where God's mercy comes in. All we have to do is ask, and His Grace gets us to Confession. We still have to climb up far enough to reach that handhold, but it's one that will never drop us.

When I returned to my faith...REALLY returned, I had great difficulty with Confession. I would cry, I'd shake, I'd go, expecting to be yelled at, although that's never ONCE happened to me. My first Confession after 12 years was incredible and remains one of my most wonderful memories. But it was another 3 years before I was able to go again; I was terrified.

I had this crazy idea that I had to perfect myself. I was still not living a good life, and although I had confessed to the priest at the big confession that I didn't believe I had a firm purpose of amendment because I KNEW I would committ the same sins again and again, he explained that THIS is why we have the sacrament. THIS is why we need God's Mercy, and why He is so willing to offer it.

And as I've heard more than one priest say to the concern that we tend to confess the same sins over and over: "GOOD! YOU'RE NOT INVENTING NEW SINS!"

But I wasn't understanding God's mercy; my concept of the sacrament was, at the time, more legalistic. I had to go to Confession, I believed that my sins were forgiven, however I put so much pressure on myself to suddenly become perfected. It was up to me. I had to have the will to be perfectly good, from that point on.

WRONG! Yes, we are to desire to change, sincerely, (that's what it means to have a "firm purpose of amendment"), but we have to realize that we can't change ourselves. We need God's grace. We need His help, and our firm purpose of amendment means, really, that we're going to cooperate with God's grace and truly intend not to committ the same sins again. And if we do? We keep going back to Jesus, over and over again, and when we do this, we begin to see patterns.

But I'm getting ahead of myself.

It took me three years to go to Confession again, and it was my fear that kept me away; my idea that I had to rely on myself, my own will to avoid sin. My fear that I would be yelled at. I think this latter idea came from my home, growing up. My Mom was bipolar and I was literally screamed at for everything. Especially when I'd done something wrong. Even when I was doing something right, there was a good chance Mom would be displeased and glass might shatter at any moment.

So I would shake, I'd stand in line weeping, terrified. That three year confession was just as hard as the twelve year because I built it up so much to be what it was not. While my Big confession was face to face, this time I went behind the screen. And I was just out of control. I couldn't get a single word out. On that occasion, Father (an elderly priest whom I've come to know well since) was a bit gruff with me, but his gruffness helped me to speak and get my emotions under control. He never raised his voice. He was very matter-of-fact. He held me responsible for my sins, and I was ready for that. He did chastize me, but in a way that really checked my contrition; did I mean what I said? I'd confessed some pretty big things. It was in fact much like the renewal of Baptismal vows but more applicable to my specific sins: Do you reject Satan? I do. Do you reject... and on down the line.

I left much calmer, still in tears, feeling very chastized, but also very liberated. I was born again, and I really MEANT my contrition and my penance.

Mercy.

On that day, I realized that my fears were groundless, but I needed to begin to go to Confession frequently. So it was that I began to go every month, or even more often. Sometimes it was days. Over time, I stopped shaking, I stopped crying at the very thought of the sacrament, and I learned to accept God's mercy. Although I'll admit that sometimes this is a challenge; because it seems too easy.

Yet it's not in the Sacrament of Confession that the Lord challenges us the most; it's in the Eucharist, it's in our daily lives. He is most gentle with us when we admit our sins and our failings, for He wants to encourage our humility and our willingness to trust Him and come to Him for healing and forgiveness. Our Lord's heart is warmed with Divine Love and Compassion when we so willingly come to him.

It is when we sin and flee Him that we hurt Him the most. It is when we sin and refuse to look upon his wounds, the very wounds that restore us, that He is most pained, and His pain is on our behalf. Because by fleeing, or refusing to repent, we are denying His wounds and the reasons for them.

So it has been that I have gotten used to frequent Confessions, and I've begun to see patterns of behavior, patterns of sin, all the time. During Lent, or maybe just before, I realized that every time God blesses me in some major way, I backslide. I fall into sin or into an old pattern of behavior, and that sin leads me to Confession, all too often by necessity versus devotion. And even after I recognized that pattern, it continued to happen. Over and over again, I'd be in the chapel, praying, making my examination of conscience before Confession, and berating myself for offending God so much after He had just been so good to me.

In prayer, a few things have come to me with regard to this pattern and the sins themselves, but the biggest revelation was God's mercy; why we need to accept it. We have to learn to see ourselves, honestly, through God's eyes. St. Paul stated (in Romans, I think) that he does what he does not want to do; it's a battle of the flesh and the spirit. We are all in that battle as we truly seek God, but give in to our fallen natures, doing what we really don't want to do, falling. But we have to get up and keep going, because even if we don't know why we continue in this pattern, God does, and He saw the pattern long before we did. His response is not condemnation; it is a response of compassion. He does not excuse our sin, but rather, holds us accountable but is willing to forgive us as many times as we fall. Because as long as we're willing to admit that we can't stand on our own, and that we have offended Him, He will take us back, over and over.

It's not about falling; it's about trying, or repenting and converting, even if it's the same thing for 50 years. God knows our weaknesses, and He Himself bore them on his Cross. The Father sees us all through the wounds of Christ, through the holes in His hands and feet, through the blood and water gushing from His side.

God requires only one thing of us; willingness to admit that we are wrong and come to Him with our soggy, muddy souls. He knows that He will clean us up and send us toddling away encompassed in Divine Love...and tomorrow we'll be even muddier and soggier than we were today. And that we'll get up again and come to Him, crying, and He'll wipe away our tears, clean us up again, and send us back out into the world. Proud of us. Because we belong to Him, we know who He is, and that no matter what we do, He will be there. And eventually, maybe, we'll be able to go a little further before we have to come back to be healed.

Jesus, I trust in thee!

Saturday, March 29, 2008

The Epic Story of the Early Church - The Heretics

INTRO AND DISCLAIMER:

Dear readers, congratulations, you are helping me to study tonight. It's a marathon weekend, It's been a marathon week. I didn't get enough done last week when I was off for the Holy Days, so here I am, cramming for tomorrow's test. My test from last night went decently...I got 4 wrong, so an 84%, which is fine because I got 100% on the assignment...so my standing remains good in that class. (And 3 of those 4 questions were dumb answers, one of which I changed and got wrong. The other of which I changed...and got right.) I don't know how I did on the take-home test I emailed in on Thursday.

But tomorrow's test promises to be brutal because I can't separate the heresies, which are all about seperating the Trinity. So, dear, dear readers, thank you in advance for allowing me to fool myself psychologically by pretending to blog when I'm really studying for tomorrow's test. As a disclaimer, all that is about to be posted is not complete...it's just to help me get this info into my head and sort out the various heresies that are similar.

EPIC STORY OF THE EARLY CHURCH

I have a dream...I want to write a novel on the Early Church, from Acts onward, revealing the truth of Christianity in story form...and then turn it into a screenplay. This movie would be EPIC. And you'll see why in a moment.

I'm starting in here with the Trinitarian Heresies of Sabellius, Arius, Euchtyches, and Nestorius. Our heroes are the Cappodocian Fathers (St. Gregory of Nazienzen, St. Gregory of Nyssa, and St. Basil), St. Athanasius, St. Flavian (martyred, St. Augustine, St. Cyril and Pope Celestine.

THE HERESIES:

Sabellius inagurated "modalism", which saw God as 3 modes: Creation, Redemption, and Santification. He did not distinguish between the PERSON of Christ from the PERSONS of the Father and the Holy Spirit. This heresy would mean that God the Father suffered and died on the Cross, which caused this sect to be called Patripassians (Passion of the Father). Church Fathers Dionysius the patriarch of Alexandria, and Pope St. Dionysius laid the smackdown on Sabellianism which condemned both it and Arianism.

Arius fell into a common error of trying to rationalize the incomprehendable; the Mystery of the Trinity. Through his fault of pride, he took his rationalization and decided that Jesus had no divinity of his own, he was not equal or consubstantial with the Father, he did not have equal glory, and in fact, placed Jesus as a lesser divinity. That meant that his doctrine was a sort of polytheism. Arius held that Jesus was foreign in substance to the Father, was not co-eternal, God was not a trinity, and the Son was adopted; he in fact, was not impeccable and did not comprehend the Father.

In the early Church, Constantine was an important figure, as he legalized the religion, and even called a council. Unfortunately, although he started out to do some good things, he fell for Arius's little idea we like to call "heresy" and became an Arian. Oh, the betrayal!

It was unfortunate, but this heresy was a terrible one that insipidly crept throughout the Church and corrupted many. Indeed, our Church Fathers were quite alarmed at the souls being lost through this demonic treat, and several of them stepped in to combat the dangerous ideology.


The Council of Nicea formulated the Nicene creed, declaring that Christ was "consubstantial" (homo-ousious) with the Father, and sharing in the same divine nature. At this council, the sympathizers of Arius postured and acquiesced, choosing to define the terms according to their own chosen understanding; giving a pretense at obedience and agreement while working out their treachery in dark corners. Sadly, Arianism continued to deprive many souls of the Grace of God.

St. Athanasius, in his Discourse against the Arians revealed that the Arian doctrine implies that before the "creation" of the Word, God would have been deprived of being Wisdom, Word, and Life, for Christ is the Word and Wisdom of the Father and the Life. "For let him understand well who dares to say, 'Once the Son was not', that he is saying, 'Once Wisdom was not", and 'Word was not,' and 'Life was not.'"

The Council of Constantinople
in 381 completed the statement of the Trinitarian doctrine by definining the divinity of the Holy Spirit, and at that point, it was adopted to enlarge the Nicene Creed.

The Council of Rome of 382 confirmed the doctrine that the Holy Spirit is one substance and power with the Father and the Son, and that there is one Divinity of Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, and three persons. It also rejected in one fell swoop the heresies of Sabellius, Arius, and Eunomius, by names and by descriptions.

St. Basil, St. Gregory Nazienzen, and St. Gregory of Nyssa (The Cappodocian Fathers) worked out the terminology capable of clearly communicating the orthodox doctrine, properly distinugishing between the natureof essence and the person. Through this, they were able to defend the divinity of the Holy Spirit against the Arians. They defined God as 1 nature in three persons, with no separation in the Godhead. This was infallibly sanctioned in the Council of Constantinople and confirmed by Rome.

(NOTE: in the early Church, there were often not terms readily available to adequately discuss the theological issues they were facing. The fact that terms came into being doesn't deny the existance of the beliefs and doctrines prior to the formal definition of the terms.)

Then came along Apollinaris of Laodicea, who made a serious Christological error closely related to Arianism. His position was that the Logos (Word) inhabited Christ by taking the place of a rational soul. He suggested that Jesus Christ was comprised of Logos and a body, an idea that arose out of inadequate philosophy and rationalism.

The Cappodocian Fathers refuted this heresy by pointing out that, had Christ not had a rational human soul, then He was not really a man and could not redeem our souls. Jesus redeemed what needed to be redeemed, both soul and body in full integrity. "That which he has not assumed, he has not healed." Jesus united Himself to what is common, that being body and soul. Had Jesus not done this...we would not have been redeemed. (Isn't that a horrifying thought?)

Now comes one of my favorite parts of Church History, and one of my favorite scenes in the movie I haven't written yet:

Nestorius denied the unity of the person in Christ and rationalized it to remove it from the Mystery of the Trinity. On Christmas Day, he declared that Mary was not the Mother of God because God had no origin and the Blessed Mother was not the mother of divine nature. His problem was that he was unable (or unwilling) to distinguish between the Person and the Nature of God.

The people in his cathedral did not handle this well, as you can imagine. It would be the same if a Bishop today stood up and declared the same thing. But this heresy and blasphemy was combated in a dramatic way:

On the Feast of the Annunciation in 429, Bishop Proclus opposed Nestorius in his own Cathedral by preaching eloquently on the Theotokos (God-bearer):

The Self-same was in the Father's bosom and in the womb of his mother. He lay in a mother's arms, while He walked upon the wings of the wind. He was adored by angels while He sat at meat with publicans. The Cherubim durst not behold Him, while Pilate condemned Him. The servant smote Him, and creation shuddered. He hung upon the Cross, but He was not absent from the throne of glory; and, while He lay in the tomb, He was sprading out the heavens like a curtain. Oh! What Mytery! I see miracles, and I prolcaim the Godhead. I behold the sufferings, and I deny not hte manhood. What clearer proof could I want that Mary is the Mother of God?"


St. Cyril of Alexandria reacted immediately to the heresy and wrote a Paschal letter to the monks in Egypt, answering Nestorius by pointing out that although the divine nature of God is not capable of suffering, his human nature did so and was, obtained through Mary in order to suffer for us. Additionally, he informed Pope Celestine, who in turn declared the doctrine to be heretical. Pope Celestine gave St. Cyril the authority to carry out the rest of the matter. At the Council in Ephesus, called by St. Cyril in 431, held in one day, approved the 2nd letter of St. Cyril to Nestorius an the 12 Anathemas of Cyril, declaring that the hypostatic union and reaffirming that Mary is the Mother of God.

This is turning into a serious Action Flick:


The heresy Monophysitism declared that Christ was of or from 2 natures, and after the Incarnation, had only 1 nature. Eutyches, an elderly abbott in a monastery in Constantinople, held that Christ was consubstantial with the Father in divinity, but not with us in humanity, which was a denial of Christ's fully human nature. (He was later willing to agree that Christ did have a human nature.) Further, he claimed, through misunderstanding of terms that this was the doctrine of St. Cyril and St. Athanasius (which was not true), and that Jesus was consubstantial with the Father in divinity but not with man in humanity.

His views were brought before a local Council in Constantinople under the Patriarch St. Flavian , and Eutyches was summarily condemned for holding that Christ had 1 Nature instead of 2.

Eutyches appealed to the Pope and obtained the support of the Patriarch of Alexandria, Dioscuros (the successor to St. Cyril). A general council was called in Ephesus in 449, which was described in great detail by Cardinal Newman. He described the zealous monks who supported Monophysitism, those who attended to Dioscros, and armed forces. They broke into the Church upon the call of Dioscorus; Flavian was thrown down and trampled.

St. Flavian died of his injuries three days later. As for the rest, those Bishops that were not trampled (including the Pope's legates) escaped.

Those Bishops who did not escape were forced to sign a blank paper, which afterwards was filled in with condemnations of Flavian. At the end of the proceedings, Dioscorus excommunicated the Pope (yes you read that correctly), and an Emporer issued an edict approving the decision of the Council.

But wait...there's MORE!

Another Council was called in Chalcedon, and 630 Bishops, and the Roman legates (authoritative representatives of the Pope) opened the Council. Dioscorus was charged with having presumed to hold a Council without the authority of the Apostolic See, and for not having the Letter of the Pope read to the Council (which would have been the Tome of St. Leo.) The Tome was read during the Council of Chalcedon and affirmed by the Bishops as being the faith of the Apostles; they declared anyone anathema who did not hold to the faith of the Apostles.

Dioscorus was condemned and dishonorably deprived of his "Episcopal dignity and every sacerdotal ministry." (He was defrocked) Take THAT HERETIC! YEAH!

There was another very similar heresy which continued: Monothelitism. This heresy declared that Christ had one Will and operation after the Incarnation. In reality, we understand that Christ has two wills, human and divine, although his human will was always in harmony with his divine will.


CONCLUSION

So...although that's not the end of the information for my test, nor is it exactly how I will answer the questions that may arise, doesn't it just whet your appetite to learn about the Early Church Fathers? Can't you just see how awful it was? Wouldn't the real drama of our roots make an incredible movie???

The deception of the heretics, the betrayals, the heartbreak, the murderous intentions, the disobeience, the political posturing...

God's Providence


I don't know why I'm always praying and hoping and waiting and worrying, and then, when God answers...I'm always completely shocked.

As you may recall, some of us are working on maybe starting a chaper of Lay Dominicans, and so I did some research, I contacted some local Sisters (wonderful, wonderful Nashville Dominicans), and did everything else I could think of to do. And then I was at a dead end, and so decided to let God work. And I prayed the Litany of Dominican Saints, which is a powerful prayer.

Nothing has happened for over a month, and a part of me has been wondering if it's all in vain...were we really doing the right thing? But of course, patience is necessary.

Then I went to class last night, and learned that while I've been resting and studying and preparing for Holy Week, God has been working.

It seems that there are two Dominican priests coming to our area from another country. They have been requested by a local institution, it has been approved by the Archbishop...and now our quest to begin this new Chapter goes on.

I'm completely amazed. Completely.

And driving home last night, I couldn't stop thanking God for His providence, His apparent answer to our prayers. They'll even be pretty close to where I live!

Now, the cautionary disclaimer; we don't yet know for certain if it's set in stone, if they are for CERTAIN coming, if they are here, or if it'll be months or more. However, if we can validate this information clearly, then we have another person likely to be interested in forming a chapter, and that person likely knows more. Thus, by the time the priests are in place, all that we can do will be set.

Amazing. Isn't it wonderful how we go about our lives, and in the meantime God is slowly moving things into place. And He knows when we will learn the surprise; and in fact, He plans it that way. I just have a mental image of God standing back, grinning when His surprises are revealed to us.

Please keep this intention in your prayers...even though it all seems that it will really happen, there are many unknowns, such as: what if the priests who are coming have embraced a strange theology? What if they have no interest or are unable to mentor us/direct us as Dominican laity?

So we're not at the end, not even close, but I can't help but see God's hand in this. In everything.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

God Loves You

Tonight I got to do something that is rare for me now; I got to teach. I actually had not looked forward to tonight, but it went well, and in talking to these young teenage girls, I remembered what it was like to be one of them.

It was an awful memory. I looked out on this sea of faces, some engaged, some questioning, some completely disinterested. One of them would barely look at me, and obviously preferred to be somewhere else. She seemed unreachable.

Part of my talk tonight had to do with Saints, and I had some cards I handed out; each chose a Saint from the stack, Saints that I'd hand-picked to go with the lesson. Or maybe the Saints hand-picked themselves for this class.

We discussed them, how they lived their Vocations, their heroism, and what they read caused them to ask questions! These young ladies were FULL of questions...good ones! Others were not so interested, and I remembered...I was one of them. Back then I feigned interest, but I was actually drawing in my notebook. I would not have engaged in the conversation.

Back then, I didn't think God loved me. I didn't know why I existed, I didn't think the world loved me...and I was sitting in classes planning how I was going to die.

This evening I stood in front of that class, answering their questions to the best of my ability, trying to be sure to answer all of them, looking them in the eye, and amazed at how the Saints were drawing some of them out. The girl that seemed unreachable; well, Blessed Kateri Tekawitha got her attention and her respect. That girl left at the end of class with a begrudgning smile.

St. Maria Goretti was another one; her life, death, and her attacker's Sainthood were a complete mystery to them. Why did so many people attend St. Maria Goretti's funeral? How could she know so many people? (Answer: her holiness; it drew people in like a moth to the light. She lived her life in such a way that everyone had a place, and they loved her for it.) How can someone awful (Alessandro) become a Saint? It's inconceivable to them that someone awful can become so beloved and attain such holiness. God's grace.

Our conversation brought in the more sordid details, but handled in a delicate manner. The catechist pointed out that what guys do now, they did then, and St. Maria Goretti stood up to it, rather than sin. And in her last breath, she forgave her attacker.

Holiness.

We discussed their dignity. Tonight, I stood in front of that classroom, and I told those girls that God loves them; they are Daughters of God, they are in this world for a purpose, to be loved by God. They have a mission, a reason for existance, and they were each and every one called out of eternity to live this life, and to be holy. My main message: God loves you, dear daughters.

I don't think the words had as much impact on them as they did on me tonight..and I was the one delivering the message. I remember looking out at these girls, knowing what it was like to be one of them, remembering what I thought of the people who came to teach my classes. It's come full circle.

But it's worse for them than it was for us at the time.

I remember going home, and at night, I'd pull out my Bible and I'd pray the psalms. I'd find whatever fit my mood or my situation, and I'd cry my eyes out, begging God to come to my aid, or even smite my enemies. I begged Him to take me out of this world. And those prayers were never answered.

It wasn't until recently that I really learned about the ancient tradition of praying the psalms, the monastic traditions, the absolute emotionality of the psalms arising out of the ones writing them. I didn't understand back then, but I continued to do it, even as I thought my prayers were not being answered.

And it was tonight that I realized how close God was to me during those awful, awful years; to draw me into the psalms, to pray those ancient words with every ounce of my soul. I didn't think God loved me; but He loved me so much He gave me words I could not have created on my own, He drew me into his very Word, and in doing so, He wept with me.

No one knew my torturous existance, and today, in being in the classroom with those girls, I knew that there was a good chance someone just like me was among them. And that girl needs to know that God loves her, that God has chosen her for something special, and that every breath she takes has meaning.

I don't think my words were meaningful tonight...even as I uttered them, I knew they meant more to me than they could possibly mean to the young women in that room. But it doesn't cheapen the meaning; rather, it tells me that we have to find a way to convince people of God's love in such a way that the message isn't trite. I have a dear friend who has struggled with this very message. She is an adult, she is intelligent, and "knows" that God loves her. But she has had a hard time believing it.

And truth be told, so have I. Hearing "Jesus loves you!" is banal to my ears. It has no meaning; it's a phrase that's repeated through flat eyes, the expression of someone who thinks they have to say this. And fine, it must be said. But it's not believable. To a group of people who aren't sure who they are, it doesn't matter that some Being aloof from them loves them. They haven't learned that they can personally experience that love.

But we have to find a way to convey the message and divorce ourselves from the banality of the message badly delivered. We have to reach out to the teens in such a way that it's not just words, but is a true expression and attribute of God that he personally loves them so much that He died for them on the cross. We have to reach out to the adults who grew up hearing "God loves you" so much that it's become a mantra they use when they practice Yoga with the montly women's group (but have no idea that the God who loves them awaits them in the chapel).

Yes, dear readers, God loves YOU so much...but what will it take for you to really believe it?

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Catholic Blog Awards 2008 - WINNERS!

This post is overdue, but I didn't want to post it during Holy Week. It seemed improper. Congratulations to all the nominees and all the winners of this year's awards! The winners can be found here, but note you have to register to see all of the winners and nominees.(which is free).

Congratulations to the infamous Fr. Z. who swept several categories. A huge number of the faithful are clearly partaking in his wisdom, and I see this as a sign of renewal in the Church. (And maybe the beginning of the end of Haugen-Haas and Lifeteen?) Fr. Z. won: Best Apologetic, Best Blog by Clergy/Religious/Seminarian, Best Individual, Best Insider News, Best Overall, Best Political/Social Commentary, Best Written, Most Informative/Insightful, Most Spiritual, and Smartest Catholic blog.

Congratulations to the New Liturgical Movement, who won Best Designed and Best Group Blog.

The Best New Blog was Creative Minority Report , the Best Social/Political Commentary went to American Papist, And Funniest Catholic Blog was granted to Curt Jester who has never lost this particular spot.

Yours Truly was exactly 10th in the "Most Spiritual" category, and I'd like to thank the Academy (ahem...that's YOU, regular commenters and readers!). It was an honor to be nominated in all the categories, and I was honestly shocked. I don't have a sitemeter, so had assumed my readership had fallen off, based on the number of comments on my posts. So either my readers are voting early and often, or my readers are really, really loyal and voted for me at least twice each time. In any case, thank you, dear readers!

I recently pointed out to a couple of fellow bloggers that there are thousands of Catholic blogs...and only a relatively small number were even nominated. Each year, I "discover" new blogs to read, new Catholics contributing to the New Evangelization. This gives me hope for the Church; so often, we find so much to complain about, but when we read firsthand about the faith and knowledge of people who could well be sitting in the pew next to us, well...can I just say that I am edified? You all give me hope, you all encourage me. You all are effecting conversions through your witness.

A huge thanks to the Catholic Blog Awards organizers, most specifically Joshua LeBlanc and Corey Bordelon. And Jeff Miller, who once again designed the award icons, some of which will be also displayed here.

Of all the winners and nominees, I don't know a single one who writes for the purpose of awards; if any of them do, their priorities are sadly misguided. Yet it's nice to be recognized, and it's a great way to strengthen the Catholic community online. Jesus Christ created his Church for a reason, and the internet gives us a chance to bond over states, over countries, over continents, making our Church seem even more connected. I'm grateful for the friends I've "met" via Catholic blogging, and forsee the growth of this technological medium.

God bless you all, and again, Congrats to the winners!

Sunday, March 23, 2008

Pilgrims on a Journey

In class earlier this semester, we read part of the Letter to Diognetus, which describes the relationship of the Christian to the world.

They live in the flesh, but they are not governed by the desires of the flesh. They pass their days upon earth, but they are citizens of heaven. Obedient to the laws, they yet live on a level that transcends the law. Christians love all men, but all men persecute them. Condemned because they are not understood, they are put to death, but raised to life again. They live in poverty, but enrich many; they are totally destitute, but possess an abundance of everything. They suffer dishonor, but that is their glory. They are defamed, but vindicated. A blessing is their answer to abuse, deference their response to insult. For the good they do they receive the punishment of malefactors, but even then they, rejoice, as though receiving the gift of life. They are attacked by the Jews as aliens, they are persecuted by the Greeks, yet no one can explain the reason for this hatred.


Please read the entire letter, which is shorter than the vast majority of my posts.

I bring this up today because many people became Christians last night at the Easter Vigil, and many Christians became specifically Catholic Christians. And ALL of we Catholics renewed our baptismal promises and affirmed the Creed by which we live.

I fully believe that the Letter to Diognetus should be required reading for every single Catholic. Whenever we are struggling in trying to live our faith in a world that hates us, we should be directed to this letter. Whenever we are faced with a moral dilemma, we should be directed to this letter. The words are ancient, but eternal; they applied to the people then just as they apply to us now. And if the words of the letter don't match the way we live our lives...then we need to take a serious look at whether we are fit to be called Followers of Christ.

For a long time now, I have felt like a fish out of water. I don't seem to belong anywhere. While I realize that it is a privilege to be an American, I have also seen other parts of the world and would likely feel just as honored to be a citizen of those places. (I considered the idea of dual citizenship in Mexico.) And there have also been times that I wanted to flee the borders of my country as I considered our impending leadership...and realized that at least here, we have a voice. But what is a "voice" in a corruptible and corrupted world, one in which the most innocent are silenced in favor of the preferences of a few? This is no place for any of us. But here we are, feeling out of place or not, we have an obligation to live out our faith even if it is contrary to the raging winds of cultural ideology. Especially then.

Some time ago, I heard something on the radio likely discussing this letter, and it made me understand that my sense of restlessness had overtaken me for a reason; this is not my home. I look around my city; it's where I live and I'm comfortable here, but it's not my home. I look around my townhome, for which I struggle to pay every month, and I know that this is not really my home. I watch the News, and realize that, if this is "home" it's completely dysfunctional and I'm an idiot to remain in such a place. But no place else is any different and in fact, most of the world is probably worse.

When I walk into a church though, especially my home parish, I am "home". I remember that feeling, a few years ago, as I knelt to pray before Mass. I remember looking up at the Crucifix and thinking with perfect peace and clarity, "I'm home."

My conversion was real; it had taken a long time, but God brought me Home. Since then, He has expanded my home, giving me a few parishes in which I have become comfortable. The first is my home parish, the second is the parish where my classes are located, and the third is the parish where I work. In each church, I can go and hear the same Word proclaimed, the same Gospel, the same beliefs, the same liturgy. Christ is present. And if I am called for some reason to another parish, I know what to expect and how to worship. It's not necessary to re-learn anything. It's not necessary to debate. I can relax and worship God, no matter where I am. This applies even if I fly across the world and attend Mass in Germany, Spain, Italy, Mexico...everywhere. As St. Ignatius of Antioch proclaimed, along with St. Irenaeus and St. Clement..."There is one altar...one Sacrifice...one Bishop." (paraphrased)

But there's another catch; even though we Catholics are spread throughout the world, and our parishes and every parish is our "home", it is only temporary. We are only leasing the space. We are citizens of another Kingdom, and our call is to make this Kingdom present on Earth, until we are recalled to union with our Creator; our true Home.

It is not enough to simply declare that we believe in Christ and in His Resurrection. It is not enough to attend Mass once per week and give God that hour. We are called to greater things; we are children of God before we are anything else. We belong to Christ before we belong to our parents, siblings, or political machinations.

I have no problem in saying that before I am American, I am Catholic. Before I am Republican or Democratic or Libertarian, I am Catholic. Before I am woman...I am Catholic. All other things are secondary accidentals. Because it isn't my body that saves me, it isn't my political leanings or my earthly citizenship. It is my soul that defines who I am, and my soul cannot be divorced from my humanity; to suggest otherwise is anathema.

All of us need to look at our lives on this day of the Lord's Resurrection, and understand that we, too, are called to death to the world so that we might arise with Christ and embrace the life to which He has called us. We need to recognize that Call above all others, for our duty to God superscedes our duty to Caesar. By God's own command, we are to pay our tributes to Caesar, but when those tributes conflict with our Citizenship of Heaven by virtue of our Baptism, then the choice is clear; Ceasar can ROT. The Glory belongs to God, even if that Glory is our own blood.

We are Citizens of Heaven; we are to behave as such. I leave you with these immortal words, from the Letter referenced above:

As the soul benefits from the deprivation of food and drink, so Christians flourish under persecution. Such is the Christian’s lofty and divinely appointed function, from which he is not permitted to excuse himself.


Citizens of Heaven...are you willing to accept these terms?