tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15170815.post7301101851747923083..comments2023-09-22T06:56:46.508-05:00Comments on Adoro te Devote: Discouragement and DiscernmentAdorohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02853244433854822731noreply@blogger.comBlogger18125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15170815.post-10016287831439341062009-05-29T20:52:04.142-05:002009-05-29T20:52:04.142-05:00Adoro, I entered an active community and left 2 ye...Adoro, I entered an active community and left 2 years later but I didn't see it as a failure or mistake although leaving did feel like jumping into a pool realizing there was no water!<br />And then I found that the Lord was calling me to contemplative life. I think if I hadn't lived those 2 painful years in the active community I wouldn't have been able to really discern a contemplative vocation.<br /><br />The testing of a vocation doesn't really start until you enter and it's not unusual for someone to leave shortly after receiving the habit.<br /><br />Don't be discouraged. If a community is in anyway healthy they won't let you leave without making sure you have a place to live, etc.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15170815.post-35558332926859797702009-05-29T16:37:21.366-05:002009-05-29T16:37:21.366-05:00Will be praying for you.Will be praying for you.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15170815.post-84367545345541652842009-05-28T19:49:32.462-05:002009-05-28T19:49:32.462-05:00LM ~ LOVE your comment, having been there yourself...LM ~ LOVE your comment, having been there yourself. And so glad your community is staying in contact with you and misses you, too! <br /><br />YouKnowWho ~ AMEN! But let's also point out that those guys that are called to discern religious communities face the same problems as women. <br /><br />The diocesan seminary is a privileged life, and I don't knock it, but those that aren't called there face far greater challenges, as you detaild so well.Adoronoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15170815.post-7582357392224563052009-05-28T19:09:20.527-05:002009-05-28T19:09:20.527-05:00i'm totally backing everything... and all I can sa...i'm totally backing everything... and all I can say is PRAYERS. <br /><br />And I hope anyone who tries to compare a young man entering the seminary to a young woman entering the convent reads this post. Seminarians can continue to own property, to keep their dept (they are considered full time students, postulants aren't), and maintain many pieces of life in summers and such. Postulants/NOvices just can't. THere's NO COMPARISON. Yes, entrance into the convent is committment beyond what many realize. And unfortunately, it makes entrance all the harder for good souls like you. "Trying" religious life is out of the question ... a young woman must be really serious about it. And yet, it IS STILL discernment, and leaving is a very real possibilty. (NOT A FAILURE, I agree). <br /><br />This whole situation in today's world strikes me as unjust. Why can't there be a group of some sort that will finance a young woman ... whatever it takes, loan payments, morgage, car ... while she enters to discern, at a no-risk level? Knights, Serrans, SOMEONE, step up to the plate!YouKnowWhonoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15170815.post-4645557378883461262009-05-28T02:26:37.265-05:002009-05-28T02:26:37.265-05:00I'm no where near as far along in the spiritual li...I'm no where near as far along in the spiritual life as you are, but I know from experience that if you try to obey the Lord, even if you make a mistake, he will teach you something and take care of you.<br /><br />I've failed at many things but the failure teaches me humility: not the low self esteem or depression, but teaches me to put things into perspective, that God wants obedience and our attempt to obey him not success...Nancy Reyeshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14910134058143426327noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15170815.post-84992819668602996332009-05-28T01:53:24.149-05:002009-05-28T01:53:24.149-05:00I started actively discerning my vocation many yea...I started actively discerning my vocation many years ago. When I enterred a diocesan seminary I had no idea why anyone would enter a religious order. Within a couple years I understood what community meant, so I started looking for that, while thinking why would anybody ever join a contemplative order. After many turns and twists I am looking at Cistercians now. I am looking at a Common Observance monastery in Wisconsin and a Strict Observance Monastery in England.<br /><br />When I began to consider monastic life, I was speaking with a Benedictine vocation director. He referred to my time at the seminary and my time with another community as "false starts." That term angered me, and it hurt too.<br /><br />My one word of advice for you is "Persevere." My journey has taken 18 years, and I now see the light at the end of the tunnel.<br /><br />Trust in God. Hope in Him still, my savior and my God.Declan Bretthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10217044588939824459noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15170815.post-7570023326023921462009-05-27T12:56:31.838-05:002009-05-27T12:56:31.838-05:00This was one of the things my Spiritual Director a...This was one of the things my Spiritual Director asked me when I met with him after I left the Convent. He reiterated that I should not be discouraged ... especially since I learned a lot about myself. The other directive he gave me was to continue a relationship with the Superior and meet with her once a month or every other month.<br /><br />I actually feel so priviledged to have gotten to know the Sisters in a way that few people ever have. Since my departure, I have received several emails from the Sisters stating how saddened they are that I left. They also feel the pangs of discernment.<br /><br />Great post!!! LMAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15170815.post-51062949218874396402009-05-27T12:37:02.638-05:002009-05-27T12:37:02.638-05:00Often God's way looks like "failure" to the rest o...Often God's way looks like "failure" to the rest of the world. We are called to walk in God's way and show no regard for what the world will think of us. If we are to stay or to go from where ever we are is only for God to know and us to follow God's holy will and leading. <br /><br />It may feel painful in the doing, but that is when we offer it up and keep moving as the spirit leads. <br /><br /><br />I am very aware in my own life of being asked time and again by my friends when I will do thus and so or use my gifts the way I had in the past (such as in parish ministry). All I can do is follow what I know to be God's will as I see it even if it makes no sense at all and looks like failure to my well meaning friends.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01239198273681288577noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15170815.post-19806877171297497942009-05-27T10:57:10.588-05:002009-05-27T10:57:10.588-05:00"Please pray for everyone who is discerning their ..."Please pray for everyone who is discerning their Vocation, and please be willing to bleed right along with them. They can't continue the road to Calvary if you're not willing to help them bear the Cross.<br /><br />And if you can't help, I only ask that you don't make the Cross any heavier than it is."<br /><br />I can pray all discerners. I do pray, and I will pray. Even as I discern myself.Hidden Onehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06042188431683942338noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15170815.post-10698006425206701062009-05-27T10:40:38.856-05:002009-05-27T10:40:38.856-05:00Maureen ~ You misunderstand me. I am not saying th...Maureen ~ You misunderstand me. I am not saying that it's MY impression that I'm a "failure". That's the SECULAR impression, that's how my family sees me. That's a fact. It's not how I see it, but they disagree. <br /><br />I know I moved from those careers and for good reason and I don't look back. <br /><br />I'm only stating a secular viewpoint that is wrong, and it's how they would see someone leaving religious life as well. I was making a commentary on that.Adorohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02853244433854822731noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15170815.post-40249081116677961762009-05-27T10:32:58.335-05:002009-05-27T10:32:58.335-05:00I forgot to add that we do not regard someone who ...I forgot to add that we do not regard someone who joins the military as a failure if he chooses not to go career. Similarly, I know of a few people who have chosen to serve in more than one of the armed forces, and nobody thinks badly of them. Indeed, people may regard them as a bit eccentric, but definitely as people to be reckoned with.<br /><br />"I was in firefighting and law enforcement, then in claims, and then started taking theology classes and working for the Church as well as maintaining a big-stats blog -- and I can ride and ski too" is scarcely a litany of failure. Indeed, most people would tend to regard that as a litany of amazing adventure and success. You didn't find a fit in some of them because you are still in progress. Maybe you will never understand the utility of all of it, but it's all grist for the soul.<br /><br />That nasty little voice inside you? The twit part of yourself. Ignore it. Listen to Christ instead.Bansheehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12594214770417497135noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15170815.post-66417901583147996322009-05-27T10:03:34.155-05:002009-05-27T10:03:34.155-05:00Re: career failure
You did not fail in any of you...Re: career failure<br /><br />You did not fail in any of your jobs, Adoro! Sheesh, you got trained, you got employed, you stuck around long enough to more than pay back your training. <br /><br />I don't see where you promised to love, honor, and obey any of your jobs till death do you part (unless your police or fire jobs had suddenly risen up and felled you, which of course could have happened). So you didn't fail. You just moved on.<br /><br />Anybody who says otherwise is a twit. So there. <br /><br />When I look at your resume, I do not see failure. I see someone with an exciting array of skills and knowhow, in an unusual variety of fields. It is possible that you are in fact overqualified for many orders' charisms. I'm surprised that some peace and justice order hasn't kidnapped you out of your apartment building. (Probably afraid of your dog.)<br /><br />You are probably qualified to be a founder of your own order, except the spiritual part -- and God can provide that.<br /><br />I'm not saying this to embarrass you or to pump you up as a reflex action. I'm being utterly honest here. (But don't listen to the twits, for sure.)Bansheehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12594214770417497135noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15170815.post-52157251020155228992009-05-27T03:39:22.401-05:002009-05-27T03:39:22.401-05:00You're absolutely right: leaving a religious commu...You're absolutely right: leaving a religious community is not a "failure".<br /><br />One Benedictine website in the UK says that some people have a vocation to try their vocation - i.e. they don't ultimately have a vocation to be a monk or a nun, but they do have a vocation to spend some weeks or months living in a monastery and finding out.<br /><br />Once when I was visiting a monastery, a fellow guest (who had been a novice with both the Benedictines and Dominicans before eventually marrying), told me that he believed that many people have a "temporary vocation" - i.e. a vocation to undergo a lengthy and profound period of discernment which might include living in a monastery as a postulant/novice for a significant period of time.<br /><br />Those people who leave during the postulancy or noviciate aren't "giving up" and aren't "failures". They're people who have had the courage to enter deep into the discernment process, and who have then had the integrity to be honest with themselves about who they really are and what God really wants of themMarkhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15285355080459130149noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15170815.post-80950043155731478332009-05-27T00:01:18.411-05:002009-05-27T00:01:18.411-05:00Adoro, I remain united with you in prayer and disc...Adoro, I remain united with you in prayer and discernment. Together, we WILL make it all the way to Calvary and beyond!<br /><br />Your words here ring true in so many ways...and I always am astounded when I step back and consider how much discernment really does hurt. Objectively, it doesn't *sound* like it would be so hellish, especially when compared to some of the Crosses others must bear. But the agony of discernment is within, and it hurts all the more for its hiddenness. <br /><br />Lord, have mercy!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15170815.post-43535679304948996502009-05-26T22:20:16.272-05:002009-05-26T22:20:16.272-05:00I've been discerning for several years. My feet ha...I've been discerning for several years. My feet haven't really bled until this year. I back you up, Adoro. It's painful.MGVnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15170815.post-66571196234621074662009-05-26T22:18:00.325-05:002009-05-26T22:18:00.325-05:00Julie ~ It was hard to write.
IC ~ Initially dis...Julie ~ It was hard to write. <br /><br />IC ~ Initially discerning, yes. I won't look at a community and immeditately sell my house. But the reality is that I can't be an aspirant or postulant and continue to own my home because I can't do that and pay the mortgage. To pursue God means to get rid of EVERYTHING. My house, my property, my clothing, my computer, my dog....everything. <br /><br />There ISN'T any other choice. I don't have anywhere for it to go and no one else to pay for it. I am FULLY alone in this. <br /><br />That's not true for everyone, but my Mom is on disability and welfare. <br /><br />That's life. That's reality. The ideal does not now and has NEVER applied to me.Adorohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02853244433854822731noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15170815.post-5002749971295926482009-05-26T22:10:28.861-05:002009-05-26T22:10:28.861-05:00I can appreciate this, as someone who teaches at a...I can appreciate this, as someone who teaches at a university with a minor seminary (seeing a good number of young men discerning out). Discerning "out" (from either direction: individual or community), if handled maturely and well, is wise and healthy. After all, you don't enter the priesthood or religious life for your friends and parish community! But too many people can't see that, and it is a shame. <br /><br />Adoro, two things I think reading this--my understanding is that most communities actually DO NOT WANT you to cut all ties when initially discerning (such as selling the condo, etc.). So it may not be necessary.<br /><br />The other is trust--you mentioned that a few posts ago. I realize some of these stories are scary, but some women stay and are joyfully happy, and others discern out and realize they needed this experience, it "fit" in the life plan in a way they couldn't see then. God's in control. Even when it feels crazy.<br /><br />Hang in there, cling to God. peace.The Ironic Catholichttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12990289461877567408noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15170815.post-3233360188906829952009-05-26T21:59:30.435-05:002009-05-26T21:59:30.435-05:00As a new discerner, that was very hard to read.
...As a new discerner, that was very hard to read. <br /><br />I already identify with some of those fears, feelings of discouragement. The weight of the cross, the darkness and loneliness, the harsh, sharp honesty. <br /><br />We all need to try to live at the foot of the Cross and keep our eyes on Christ. Even the agony has joy there.Julianoreply@blogger.com