Well, that's not entirely true. There's Mass and cleaning and reading to catch up on. There's my Icon, which remains neglected, because for some reason, I can't seem to touch it - I haven't been "in the mood" to work on it and perhaps that's because I haven't been praying much, either. It is, in fact, prayer.
Maybe it's because I can't work on the faces without seeing the Mother of Sorrows, and as I draw the paint down her cheeks to form her skeletal features, I mimic the path of her tears as she witnessed the Passion and death of her Son; the Son she holds in her arms as he flies to her for comfort from the shadow of the Cross.
And still, she beckons me onward, and inward, to rest there in that same shadow.
Balance
One of the things I love about iconography is that it is very balanced. While it is mystical in a sense, for the artist creates a "window to Heaven", and it must be "prayed", at the same time, it is a process. In that way, it is very liturgical and keeps one grounded. There's no room for the all-popular "private revelations" for one must combine one's intellect, memory, and will in the creation of this icon, and at the same time, allow the subject of the icon to penetrate one's very soul. It is a creative process completed directly with God, asking to "see" something more clearly, and in so doing, to be changed and sanctified in the process.
This may sound "romanticized" but I don't mean to give that impression. Rather, I'm happy for the practical nature of the work, which for me is the most important as I continue to learn. Although I wish I could just "lose myself" in the painting and fly off like a Saint in ecstasy, it is far better, according to all the Saints, all the proper spirituality of our Faith, to remain grounded without seeking mystical experiences. Iconography does that very well, and yet still provides a sort of "reward", a mutual offering, for when I do work on it, I offer my work to God and ask for His help, and I benefit, too, because I know that doing something that builds up the Church, even in this humble way, is pleasing to Him.
Yesterday I made it to Confession and as I sat in line, pondering my sins and the great mercy of God, I thanked Him for His great love, and asked that I stop being the source of His pain, but rather, the cause of His Joy. (Of course, I know full well my own weakness; read this as a metaphor and a hope for Eternity.)
In a very small way, working on the Icon is something tangible I can offer to Him as a "cause for His Joy", for sometimes I, too, need to see not just what He is doing all around, but that perhaps I'm really not such a hopeless and lost cause after all. When I see the results of my work, I know that there is an offering, there is something small, and seeing it always renews in me a greater love for God, even if I've only made a mess.
At least, when it comes down to it, because I belong to Him, I am His mess, and only He can create eternal beauty from that.
2 comments:
Thank you for sharing 'beauty from disaster' Adoro. I know very little about iconography so I really appreciate your insights on such a delicate,transformative process.
An observation at our annual Healing Mass Monday afternoon...
Even though there was an elderly priest quietly making contact with folks sitting in the back of the Cathedral, asking 'Come meet Jesus in the confessional' , many chose to line up, and confess sins to a specific, perhaps charismatic priest.
Why wait to confess. WHY?
Our Lady of the Rosary, pray for us… Heavenly Father, have mercy on us…
Harbor Star ~ I agree with you and I see it all the time!
There is a charismatic priest who comes to my parish every now and again, and people line up to go to him for Confession. I've been to him, too, and he has a reputation for being able to "read hearts". Yet...I question that for different reasons I'm not willing to share, and they are from my own experience. Then, the last time I went to him a couple years ago, while it was a good confession and he was able to put voice to something I could not speak, he tried to get into spiritual direction. There was a very long line, every Confession was taking, literally, 20 minutes (and these were not rare penitents, but those in line ever week or so, or even more frequent). I gently told Father I had a spiritual director and was discussing my "issues" with him, and he gave me my penance and let me go. [Know that the "issues" he was trying to address were emotional, not sinful ergo not the property of the Sacrament].
And yet, you describe this elderly priest asking penitents to come to him as he waited to dispense God's grace...yes, I've seen that, too.
It breaks my heart. Celebrity and perceived mysticism over wisdom and humble holiness. (not saying the charismatic priest is not humble or holy!).
I'd rather go to a wizened old priest over a charismatic celebrity of any sort any day, for I know for certain the elderly priest will hear my sins and answer with the voice of Christ and not that of what he thinks the penitent wants to hear. Even if it means a figurative hand-slapping, it's better than an abuse of the Sacrament to the detriment of the poor soul praying for mercy and having to leave the line to go to work just so some person in spiritual love with Father's alleged gifts can listen to them weep for 20 minutes.
Wow, sorry for the rant, but your comment tapped into one of my pet peeves!
I know those who offer such Confessions are serving a certain personality, but it is fraught with abuse and I pray God is glorified, not the priest as so seems to happen here!
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